their help much more vain for who can ransome the soul of his brother surely man must let that alone for ever My substance is a meer shadow and my rest unquietness I labour for holiness but I cannot attain it I search for happiness but I cannot find it the Devill beguiles me of it the World allures me from it yea so sad is my condition that mine own soul is against mine own contentment Mine understanding cosens me mine affections betray me my memory forsakes me those things which I would doe I cannot and I daily doe those things which I would not all that I am all that I can be in this life is nothing else but extreme vanity What shall I think of all this and wherewith shall I comfort me by thy mercy Lord I have found out one that can relieve me Thou O my blessed Saviour art unto me life and by thee death is unto me advantage while my body sleeps it shall rest and that rest shall be truly blessed I shall rest from labour from sorrow from sin my sleep shall be safe my vision happy while my body sleepeth my soul shall awake when my soul is uncloathed of flesh and my flesh of beauty my spirit shall be made ready with the robes of glory while my dust is insensible my spirit is intelligible mine eyes shall be then opened and I shall see even as I am seen with purity and perfection of soul no veil of nature shall obscure me no defect of organes hinder me no clouds of sin molest me mine understanding shall be clear mine affections pure my memory perfect I shall there be satisfied in beholding ravished in injoying blessed in reteining nothing can be there wanting where I enjoy all that was that is that is to come where the happy humanity is eternally united to the blessed deity where I am Christs and Christ is Gods O happy condition of my sinfull body O blessed change of my immortall soul the one is sowen in corruption that it may rise to immortality the other layeth down corruption to inher it glory though I now leave it I still long to enjoy it and joy exceedingly in longing for it because I know I shall for ever be united to it But wo is me even in this happiness I am still miserable I have found out my quiet but I care not to enjoy it death offers me a crown and I refuse to accept it am I so sensless to affect mine own unhappiness to rejoyce in labour and complain of rest what doe I here any longer the world loves me not nor I it why do I thus dote upon mine enemy when it frowns it afflicts me when it smiles it betrayes me there is nothing in it but weariness and misery Go out therefore O my soul go out cheerfully from thy prison to thy palace God is thy father and heaven thy country thou art here distressedly poor and wretchedly naked bereaved of graces dispoyled of goodness thou hast there much treasure and of great price a fair mansion and a goodly heritage Christ hath purchased it and is gone before to prepare it Thou longest much in this life to behold that which thou never sawest here are great and glorious things prepared for thee such as eye hath not seen ear hath not heard neither have entred into the heart of man to conceive how earnestly shouldst thou long to see them how much more earnestly to enjoy them how willingly should this make thee to express thy self with holy David and say My soul is athirst for God yea even for the living God when shall I come and appear before the presence of my God Alass my soul thou art here but groping in the dark daily erring and mistaking hourly stumbling and salling into sin into shame into sorrow in great danger of the miseries of life in greater of the torments of eternall death All that thou knowest here is to know thy self ignorant Thou onely knowest things here by their events thou shalt there know them in their first causes thou art here wearied out in gaining this imperfect lame and empty knowledge thou shalt there delight thy self in knowing all that is desirable by knowing him in whom are all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge these drops of transitory joyes are full of bitterness those rivers of eternall pleasures are derived from the fountain of eternall sweetness thou hast here vain pomp to delight thee thou hast there a far greater and more exceeding weight of glory to encompass thee thou art here enthralled by the misery of life thou art there inlarged by the blesedness of death Blessed Lord all this by grace I know and saithfully believe and yet by nature I am still blind and ignorant unable to discern unwilling to desire those blessed things which are belonging to mine everlasting peace but when thou in thy rich mercy shalt once open mine eyes to see the beauty of my heavenly home I shall then entirely love it and unfeignedly long for it I shall then most willingly forsake these tottering walls of my frail flesh to dwel with thee in pâ—rfect holiness and endless happiness that frailty may be swallowed up of immortality and immortality may be imbraced by eternity O thou which wert and art to come who hast sweetned death by thy perfect obedience and perfumed the grave by thy blessed sufferings suffer me not in my last hour for any pains of death or terrors of hell to fall from the fast hold of a true and lively faith in thy promises to lose the precious hopes of immortality and sweet enjoyments of eternity Lord let me then say with thy blessed Apostle That I know whom I have trusted that he will keep what I have delivered to him and restore it safely unto me at that day Let me seriously consider of the misery of life and blessedness of death acquaint me every day with the remembrance of it and bless me every hour with a desire unto it that I may willingly uncloath my self of sin and misery and joyfully be cloathed upon with immortalitie O Lord prepare me for that blessed hour and in my greatest weakness and extremity even then when all the comforts of this wretched life shall fail me Lord Jesus forsake me not be not thou far from me O give me then that inward joy that blessed comfort of thy holy Spirit that may support and comfort me in all the terrors and amazements of this dark and unknown passage in all the dreadfull accusations of the devill and mine own accusing conscience Lord let thy blessed Spirit then witness to my soul that I am thy child that thou wilt purge away all my dross and take away all my sins that I am powerfully protected by thy grace and shall assuredly be made partaker of thy glory Amen CHAP. 36. Upon the great Neglect of Opportunities in doing good unto the Saints Lord WHen I call to mind the richness and the largeness of thy bounty
subordinate to this sweetness Christian liberty may be easily mistaken and become licentious wickedness there is often-times most danger in those things which seem most necessary if not used with moderation And now Lord having seriously considered what time is and wherefore I admire the folly and lament the misery of all those whose onely aim is to mis-spend it My dayes are few and full of evil O let my greatest care be to husband my time well I have much business and great to dispatch and I know not whether this dayes lâ—ght may be my last Mine eternity of joy or sorrow hath its dependance on this short moment If I think upon it seriously I shall grudge to spend one minute vainly Lord there is no distinction of time with thee one day with thee is as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day O let me seriously consider that with me there is that I must work while it is called to day that mine houres are swift and short that the night of death cometh when I cannot work that the end of all things cometh when time shall be no more By thy grace therefore I will piously devote the remnant of my life to holy duties so shall mine age of sin be nothing in thy sight and one day well spent in thy remembrance as a thousand years Blessed Lord Wilt thou accept of such a sinfull creature as I am to appear before thee to approach unto thee to sue to thee for mercy How bold am I to look up unto thee with these adulterous eyes that have so long been gazing on these earthly joyes how much presuming on thy mercy to implore thee with that tongue that hath so much provoked thy displeasure how impudent to offer that disloyall heart unto thee that hath so fast been wedded to this sinfull world Lord when mine own wretchedness had brought thy gracious visitation on me when thy hand pressed me sore when thine arrows stuck fast in me and the venome of them drank up my spirits when my heart was in hcaviness and my soul in bitterness when my life was drawing near unto the grave when mine own conscience pleaded powerfully against me and the terrors of a second death were ready to devour me I then earnestly implored thee for mercy and thou freely forgavest me I then begged my life of thee that I might thankfully devote the remnant of my life unto thee Ah Lord how wretchedly hath mine own heart deceived me what serious vows and faithfull promises did I then make unto thee and yet how carelesly how foolishly am I departed from thee how vainly have I trifled out that precious time which thou hast given me how justly mayst thou now deprive me of this wretched life by which I have so much dishonored thee And now Lord when I have even wearied out my self in wickedness when my soul is overcharged with sin and my heart with sorrow when the vanity of this life is ready to forsake me and there is nothing left but misery and shame to seize upon me I have not yet resolved seriously to come unto thee Lord leave me not unto the weaknesse of mine own infirmities expose mee not unto the raging hillowes of these strong temptations suffer me not to sink into this depth of sin to be destroyed by this dreadful storm of Satan and mine own accusing conscience rebuke these windes and waves and cause a blessed calm within me reach out thy hand of mercy and support me strengthen my drooping soul that I may joyfully and faithfully lay hold upon thee give me a fixed heart that I may seriously return unto thee and may this hour be graciously accepted of thee Lord wean me from the false imbraces of this evill world turn all these sinfull joyes to bitterness unto mee make me to see their foulnesse and deformity their emptinesse and vanity their shortness and uncertainty their falshood and flattery their wearinesse and misery O let my heart be filled let my soul be ravished with those transcendent joyes of thine which are for ever give me a joyfull soul to rest securely in them a ready heart devoutly thankfull for them Lord moderate my desires to outward injoyments let me rellish no sweetnesse but in thy love no goodnesse but in thy grace no comfort but in the full assurance of thy glory Forgive those wretched houres which have been stoln from thy service O Lord my God I heartily bewail them and willingly resolve to spend my days in sorrow for them Make me more watchfull over my corrupt heart more carefull of my precious time more serious in the weighty work of my salvation more sorrowfull for sin more mindfull of the hour of death and day of judgejudgement That so I may affect the pleasures of this life soberly enjoy them sparingly and leave them cheerfully Amen CHAP. 20. Upon the great danger of deferring the hour of repentance COnsider O my Soul of the great danger of delaying thy repentance of judging that so easy which will prove so difficult of thinking that allmost finisht which is scarce yet begun Believest thou it will suffice thee to have some transitory thoughts of thine amendment to have perhaps some pinching sighs some stings of conscience some shews of sorrow for thy sins to hang down thy head like a bulrush for a day and yet afterwards to return with the dog to thy filthy vomit and with the sow to the wallowing in the nasty mire of sin While thou continuest in this course thy hopes of amendment are extreme doubtfull of reconciliation dangerous of repentance desperate If ever thou hopest to inherit heaven let not Satan thus delude thee look well into thine evill and corrupt heart and thou shalt there find that this is not the cure but the discase of sin that thou grievest not for thine offence but for thy punishment that thou mayst yet go much farther in this supposed path of thy repentance and still be far short of that sincerity of heart which God requireth of thee and yet have no part nor fellowship in Christ Thou mayst with Saul express thy sorrow with thy tears with those Beleevers in the Gospel receive the word with joy with Demas shew thine inward grace by thine outward obedience and in some sort be made partaker of the Holy Ghost and have a tast of the good things of the world to come and yet for all this come far short of this unfeigned work of true repentance Alass what can it profit thee to bewail that sin which thou wilt not forgo what reward canst thou expect for that obedience which so soon fainteth what comfort in that joy which is but temporary Remember how great a work thou hast in hand how many millions of lost souls complain eternally in hell of this neglect O look into the foulness of thy sin and then into the trueness of thy sorrow If thou art Gods child thou wilt be grieved for offending of so good
the triall of my courage of my Christianity if I overcome I shall rejoyce on earth triumph in heaven If that evill one were as powerfull as malicious I had just cause to fear him but now my comfort and assurance is that he cannot hurt me but by me He now strongly labours to encline my will and wo were me if he might compell it his subtile suggestions his unclean solicitations his fulminated motions may be the father begetting but mine own corrupt heart is the mother conceiving there can be no danger from abroad if there be no treason at home Look well into thy self therefore O my soul ascend the Watch tower of thine understanding and see that there lurk therein no seeming shews no specious pretences no gross lies no false proposals to betray thee if thy head be surprised thy heart cannot long hold out Examine thine affections try them by the blessed rule of divine precepts if they be not sharply corrected they will soon be corrupted endeavour to resist the very first motions to sin for if Satan can beguile thine affections he will undoubtedly command thine actions Quicken thy memory by the momentany pleasure of sin by the heavy judgements threatned against it by the sad consequences of it by the eternity of torments after it Think how often thou hast been allready foyled how many serious vows and faithfull promises thou hast allready made to God of thine amendment how carelesly thou hast dispensed with them all and how presumptuously persisted in thy follies O think how gracious thy God hath been unto thee in forbearing how wonderfull his mercy is in pardoning how justly he might now destroy thee even in the very act of sinning Lord if none of all this will yet scare me from sinning against thee nor allure me to repenting that I may draw nearer home unto thee O let me yet confider who it is that leadeth me to fight and wherefore I have engaged Thou O my blessed Saviour art my Captain and Heaven is my Country Shall I now lose those rivers of eternall pleasures for this short this false this momentany joy shall I run from thee who art the Prince of Peace and who hast spilt thy pretious blood for me unto that cruel enemy of Mankind who hath drawn so much blood from me Shall I forsake thee who hast layd down thy life for me and inslave my self to him who every minute seeketh to devour me Shall I dishonor thee my God grieve thine holy Angels shame my profession wound mine own conscience terrifie mine own soul seek mine own ruin If I consent to this temptation that God whom I dishonour will abhor me those blessed Angels whom I grieve will forsake me those cursed spirits whom I obey will deride me that conscience which I now wound will accuse me that glorious Gospel which I shame will condemn me and that ruin which I now seek will for ever seize upon me Let this move thee O my soul as thou exspectest happiness to take up a blessed resolution of resistance If the assault dismay thee let the conquest encourage thee if the beginning be sharp the close will be sweet if nature be dejected grace will be strengthened and as grace increaseth here so shall glory hereafter Consider last of all what Saint James saith and fix it in thy thoughts as chief of all Blessed is the man that endureth temptation for when he is tryed he shall receive the crown of life which the Lord hath promised to them that love him Jam. 1.12 Thrice happy is that soul which is faithfull in Gods service although it may often faint it shall never fail it may sometimes be foyled but shall never be overcome it shall never fall totally it can never fall finally for thou Lord upholdest it and in thy love it is sure of safety here of triumph hereafter Blessed God With grief of heart I willingly confess that I have shamefully dishonored thy great and glorious name by mine often failings by my many faintings and more wretched yeeldings to the shame of my profession the grief of thy good Spirit and the terror of my frail condition Lord how wretched is my soul without thee and yet how easily how willingly am I enticed from thee even at this instant I am ready to forsake thee and may most justly fear to be forsaken of thee The world allureth me the flesh besotteth me the devill beguileth me and mine own false heart deceiveth me and is now ready to rebell against me O wretched man that I am who shall deliver me Lord Jesus assist me and let thy saving grace be now and evermore sufficient for me Lord rebuke these evill thoughts relieve my miserie support my weakness strengthen my willingness give me an undaunted courage in thy service an unfeigned sorrow for my former failings and constancy of heart against present suggestions and future temptations that I may find no sweetness but in thy love no pleasure but in thy service no profit but in thy rewards Amen CHAP. 26. Upon the Infirmities of the Saints Lord WIth grief of heart I confess that I find a Law in my members rebelling against the Law of my mind and leading me captive to the Law of fin so that those things which I would do I cannot and I dayly and hourly do those things which I would not yet my comfort is that I make not provision for the flesh to fulfill the lusts thereof By the weakness of mine own corruptions I often fall into sin but by the blessed assistance of thy grace I abhor to lie there sin oftentimes surpriseth me but by thy rich mercy hath never yet reigned over me It hath often deceived me but I trust shall never destroy me It hath pleased thee O my blessed Saviour to conclude all things under sin that thy grace may abound while I strive against it and am afflicted for it my sinfull desires will I trust be graciously accepted and in thy perfect obedience gloriously rewarded Be not dismayed therefore O my soul that thou sometimes art ravished with apprehension of thy heavenly joyes and suddenly relapsed to the follies of a wretched heart the one thou happily enjoyest by the sweet assistance of the heavenly Spirit the other thou violently sufferest by the strong torrent of my sinfull nature Lord such is thy great wisdom and inconceivable goodness towards me that oftentimes thou leavest me unto my self and therefore sufferest me to fall and that most grievously sometimes that I may see mine own infirmities and be truly humbled for them that I may impute nothing to mine own merits but give all the glory to thy sufferings that I may goe out of my self and mine own misery into the sweet enjoyment of thy rich and endlesse mercy Consider therefore O my soul that so long as thou continuest in this valley of tears thou canst not live without this burthen of sin so long as thou carriest this frail body about thee continuing weaknesses
enough for me to consider the Divine nature in Unitie of Essence unless I go yet further and find a Trinity of Persons to be curious in this search is dangerous to be careless damnable nothing may be here safely seen but what is gratiously revealed Lord no man can see thee as thou art in thy self suffer mee therefore to see thee as thou art unto us that I may know thee and love thee and delight in thee and be for ever known and loved of thee If there were not an eternity of being then it may be truly said that not being was before being and so that being had its rise from-not being by causing it self to be when it was not So should Privation which was eternally evill produce that glorious being which is eternally good Seeing this cannot be it will hence follow that being was from all eternity and that this being was eternally Good for that which was good in the effect must needs be far more eminently good in the cause That this eternall good being must be also infinite because eternity it self is infinite That this infinite eternall good being must be of infinite power to continue infinitely That this infinite power must also bee of infinite understanding to support and preserve this eternall infintie good beeing and this infinite understanding is God Where there is an infinite understanding there must also be an infinite object to be understood els could it not be insinitely active and so should both eternity and infinitie suffer diminution and become defective which were for them both to be and not to be which is impossible and seeing there can be no object infinite out of God therefore this eternall infinite and ever-blessed object must of necessity be God Where there is an infinite understanding and an infinite object to be understood there cannot choose but be an infinite and eternall love for from this infinite Understanding of this infinitely amiable and for ever blessed object there must needs proceed an infinite delight whereby it infinitely injoyeth its own excellency and eternally reflecteth on the beauty of its own perfection els this infinite eternall understanding should want power to enjoy this infinitely aimiable object and so should be neither good infinite nor eternall and this infinite and eternall love is God Now because this Understanding Object and Love are all infinite and that whatsoever is infinite must of necessity be God it will from thence truly and undoubtedly follow that this understanding is God this Object God and this Love God And because it is as equally impossible that there can be any more than one infinite therefore it will as assuredly follow that these three are one three in Existence one in Essence three in Order one in Eternity three persons one eternall infinite glorious incomprehensible wise God to whom be glory for ever Amen This is that blessed Father Son and Holy Spirit that ineffable most mysterious Trinity in Unity eternally injoying blessedness in its own Essence This is that blessed inter-union of that ever blessed Spirit that most unspeakable immutable incomprehensible fruition of eternall joy at which the blessed Angells stand amazed in which the blessed Saints shall sweetly rest themselves for ever All this and infinitely more than this thou art Lord in thy self thy Wisdom Justice Mercy Truth Power Holiness and whatsoever other Attributes thou art pleas'd to take unto thy Divine Essence are unto thee one although unto us divers and thou art therefore pleased diversly to manifest thy self unto us because we cannot otherwise conceive thy being than according to thine outward working thy distinct operations are unto us the divers Indications of thine eternall undivided and for ever blessed essence And now Lord who can see thee thus and live I have hitherto seen nothing but destruction to my body amazement to my soul In thine Essence there is light inaccessible unto which no mortall eye can approach in thine attributes terror unutterable from which no mortall man can escape Thy wisdom trying my corrupt heart and scoarching my sinfull reines Thy Justice most severe fearfull in the pronunciation dreadfull in the execution Thy truth admitteth of no alteration no Judgement pronounced but precisely fullfilled Heaven and Earth shall pass away but not one tittle of thy sacred word Thy Holiness is such that even the blessed Angells are impute in thy sight what then shall become of me a miserable wretch the thoughts of whose heart are only evill and that continually were it not for thy rich mercy I were lost for ever by this alone I am for ever reconcilâ—d unto thee and shall eternally be blessed with thee I can here with joy unspeakable and glorious behold thee my loving Father affectionately imbracing me in Christ from all eternity by the sweet working of thy holy Spirit this is that truly-blessed vision of the sacred and mysterious Trinity in this life of Grace that will for ever make me truly happy in that of Glory Lord if I find thee not Three in One to my soul's comfort in this life I shall never be found of thee to be blessed in thee in that to come Without thy Power it had not been decreed without thy Wisdom it had never been acted without thy Love it had never been sinished Here in a severe Judge I joyfully behold a mercifull Redeemer In a glorious Divinity a true Humanity united to the Deity not mixed with it Before I had three Persons in one Essence here I have two Natures in one Person God and Man one Christ in whom and by whom I have a joyfull interest and undoubted union in the Godhead Here is the Father promising the Son performing the Holy Spirit confirming This is alone that blessed sight of God that bringeth rest and quietness to my weary soul To know him to be my God to have suffered for my sin and risen again for my Justification To find him supporting sustaining me in my infirmaties relieving my wants chastising my errors revenging my wrongs repairing my breaches directing my wayes protecting my person wounding rending breaking my obdurate heart creating in me a clean heart and renewing a right Spirit within me bemoaning bewailing mine iniquities inviting nay compelling me to mercy and forgiveness Seeing now O my Soul that Gods being in himself is incomprehensible and his Love in Christ unutterable with what Filial fear shouldst thou think of him with what awfulness name him with what reverence and preparedness pray unto him with what heat of affection love him with what carefulness and conscience fear to offend him with what cheerfulness and holy diligence devote thy service to him Blessed Lord Seeing that I am utterly unable of my self to comprehend thee O let me be graciously comprehended of thee that corruption may be swallowed up of immortality and humane frailty of eternall glory As thou hast given me an understanding in part to know thee so give me also affections intirely to love thee and fixed
thy self for me and to me give me allso unfeigned repentance that I may heartily bewail the sinfulnesse of my life past that I may make a gratious improvement of my life present and faithfully perform the vows and promises which I make unto thee for the short remainder of my life to come O blessed and eternall Comforter of all those sinfull souls that put their trust in thee give me a sweet and full assurance of thy love in Christ withdraw my wretched heart from vanity inflame it with an earnest and affectionate desire to thee open mine eyes that I may see some glimps of thy celestiall joyes prepared for me make me often to think of them earnestly to long for them and readily and chearfully to part with all these earthly pleasures to enjoy them Lord make me able to encounter and withstand the strong assaults of Satan and this evill world give me thy saving grace and take from me what thou wilt without thy blessed presence all these outward joyes are wearinesse and emptinesse without thee even life it self is bitternesse unto me without thy love I ask it not of thee yea I rather beg thee Lord to take it from me that so I may be joyfully released from the bondage of a sinfull body that I may love thee with a pure and spotlesse soul that all mine imperfections may be done away that so I may securely dwell with thee in perfect holinesse and endlesse happinesse Amen CHAP. 18. Upon the sin of Uncleannesse with encouragements to avoid it COnsider O my Soul in what a blessed relation thou now standest to thy God thou hast lately grieved for thy sins and God hath allso gratiously accepted of thy sorrow and thou art now at peace and union with him his holy Spirit is thy Comforter his holy Providence thy Guide his holy Angels thy Guardians his holy Saints thine Assistants the Creatures without thee are at league and union with thee and thy Conscience within thee is a continuall feasâ— unto thee while thus thou continuest thy safety is inviolable thy joy unutterable thy peace unalterable Who can expresse the blessednesse of this condition how ravishing is this reviving presence of the gladding Spirit by which thou art sustained sweetly here by which thou shalt be joyfully refresht hereafter Wilt thou now lose all this O my Soul for this false this foul this momentany pleasure wilt thou lodge this beastly sin where thou now lodgest thy Redeemer Consider how vain it is how bitter it will be think how many sad thoughts how many aking hearts how many wounding sighs this fall of thine will cost thee what distempers of body what disturbance of soul what unquietnesse of sleep what checks of conscience what inward sadnesse in thy greatest merriment and which is worst of all what a fearfull apprehension of Gods wrath in this life and wofull expectation of judgement and suffering of extremity of pains in Hell for ever Let not the vain hope of Gods mercy flatter thee for while he is mercifull he will be just yea his mercy shall provoke his justice if his patience and long-suffering doe not lead thee into timely repentance his wrath and fury shall surely lead thee out to greater condemnation If custome perswade thee let custome allso reclame thee if thy flesh murmur thy spirit will rejoyce O how happy wilt thou find this opposition how glorious this victory even but one blessed thought of amendment is of more value than an age of sin Holy Saint Augustine who was wont to nourish his lascivious flesh and thought it then impossible to live without the lustfull kisses of his Roman Dames when once he had but relished the ravishing embraces of eternity brake forth into this sweet and most divine expression How truly sweet is the losse of this earthly sweetnesse those transitory joyes which I was formerly afraid to lose I now rejoyce to banish it was thou O Lord who didst thrust them out it is thou O Lord who art entred in who art sweeter than all sweetnesse c. Lord let this example move me to a blessed imitation of this blessed Saint to take heed of holding conference with Satan to labour to repell the very first motions to sin if I delight in his discourse I shall soon consent to his counsell if he feel me resist I shall find him give ground Lord let me remember what I fight for and follow my advantage with courage and successe that when my daies of warfare shall determine I may say with joy and comfort with thy blessed Apostle I have fought a good fight I have kept the faith I have finished my course from henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousnesse which the Lord the righteous Judge shall give me at that day and not unto me onely but unto all those that love and expect the day of his appearing 2 Tim. 4.7 8. Lord Thou hast often seen the weaknesse of thy sinfull servant how willingly how wretchedly I have been yeelding to the false allurements of my sinfull flesh how basely I have given ground even upon the very first assault without desire of resistance without care of repentance I have hitherto been so far from sorrowing for this sin that I have much delighted in it and often grieved thee my God in framing of excuses for it Blessed God how rich is that peace which I enjoy by thee how glorious that hope which I possesse in thee how wonderfull that mercy I obtain from thee and yet how carelesly how coldly have I parted from thee Lord forgive what is past restrain what is present prevent what is to come O let me enjoy no sweetnesse but in thee who art nearer to me than I can be to my self who art sweeter to me than the sweetnesse of these earthly pleasures O give me such a blessed frame of heart such Angel-like integrity of soul that my thoughts may be chast my desires holy my words gratious my actions good Give me a double portion of thy blessed Spirit that I may double my obedience to thy sweet commands that I may tast the comforts of thy heavenly joyes and utterly abhor the false allurements of this sinfull world Let the sweet showers of thy distilling graces allay these motions of concupiscence extinguish these devouring flames of lust that I may constantly and happily oppose this darling sin to my last hour and joyfully triumph with thee for ever Amen CHAP. I. Upon immoderate Mirth and the sinfull inconveniencies thereof Lord IF I were this day to dye If thou shouldest now say unto me Give an account of thy Stewardship for thou shalt be no longer St ward if mine Audit were at this instant to be given up and all mine actions this present hour to be accountâ—d for how sadly should I look upon that lost time which hath been spent in sin how many vain Items must needs appear to my deserved shame and ondless forrow So many minutes wasted in
unclean and wanton cogitations so many dayes and nights in frivolous and idle discourse so many weeks and moneths and yeares in vain and finfull actions How full of horror and confusion would this Account appear even to mine own eies With what face should I dare present itunto thine What would I not now give to purchase but some small respite to redeem this wofull waste this vain expence of time What serious vows and faithfull promises should I now make of amendment What constant houres would be now dedicated to thy service my whole life would now seem too little to bewail my solly to redeem my loss O what madness is it then while I have dayes of mercy to despise them to abuse them to be utterly neglective of them What is it Lord that I so eagerly persue Even the very heighth of all mine outward happiness is but a short crackling of thorns a sudden blaze which may seem to warm me but can never throughly heat me Wo be to that soul for ever that can find no refreshment but in this momentany fire If thy Grace Lord cannot warm me thy Glory will not comfort me There can be no true joy but in godly sorrow The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning the heart of fools in the house of mirth Eccl. 7.6 The luxurious Wanton may be carnally joyfull but the penitent Christian is cordially merry There is no better tryal of this truth Lord than from thine own mouth who wert a man of sorrows thou O Lord hast told me That I shall weep but the world shall rejoyce that I shall sorrow but my sorrow shall be turned into joy and my joy shall no man take from me John 16.20 Deceive not thy self therefore O my soul for if thou walkest too far in this enticing path thou art out of thy way to Heaven and thou mayst go so far in it as to lose thy self and by a customary freedom of thy Christian liberty soon find so great an indisposition unto God and goodness that unless the blessed Shepheard of thy soul vouchsafe to find thee by his saving grace it is improbable nay it is impossible that thou shouldst ever return Canst thou be so sensless to believe that thou art Christs Disciple when thou wilt not bear his Cross Did ever any of his followers enjoy heaven without violence without beating down their bodies without cherishing their soules without much weeping fasting praying sighing groaning for their sins without being crucified unto the world and the world unto them without checking and controlling their unruly lusts without utterly forsaking all this earthly trash and joyfully accounting it as loss and dung to possess Christ Look upon the Prophets Apostles Martyrs Virgins Fathers of the Church and all the blessed company of Saints in all times places Ages of the world and thou shalt find them all to use this world as if they used it not quietly sparingly soberly Isaac at his evening devotion in the solitary fields Eliah at his private Carmel the Baptist in the desart St. Paul in his desires out of the body and with Christ holy Simeon in his Pillar Saint Jerome in his Cave all of them and innumerable more of Gods Saints were true Benonies sonnes of sorrow and affliction Lord with how much fervour and alacrity of soul did these thy blessed ones pursue thy heavenly joyes what sharp combats had they to overcome themselves And if such chosen and select vessels as these have had such great strivings such powerfull conflicts with their finfull bodies what will become of me thâ—t have obeyed sin in the lusts thereof that can find no pleasure but in folly no laughter but in madness Consider therefore O my soul whilst thou hast yet time that there is no truer character of a graeeless heart than prophane mirth thou art too ready to believe that God is mercifull that all thy sins may be forgiven thee in a moment that the good Thief was saved at the last hour and that therefore thou mayst still go on in wickedness God indeed is allwayes ready to shew mercy but it is onely unto those that are ready to repent And how knowed thou whether God will accept thee in that hour Whether he may not whether he will not then withdraw his saving grace from that sinfull soul which hath so long withdrawn it self from his service This is that which thy blessed Saviour telleth thee Not every one which crieth Lord Lord shall enter into the Kingdom of heaven but he that doth the will of my Father which is in heaven Matth. 7 21. And lest perpaps that one example of the dying Penitent may flatter thee considâ—r of the time the place the manner of his strange conversion This was assuredly saith St Augustine to manifest the power and Godhead of a dying Saciour and that upon the rare consession of an Infidell and that at such a time when all the world forsook him and even his own Disciples either doubted or denied his Godhead Alass how little comfort canst thou now reap from this example how should it rather affright thee to see buâ— one soul amongst so many millions to obtain mercy at the last hour that upon such weighty circumstances on what a weak foundation doest thou build thy hopes of happiness how easily will that devouring storm of thine accusing conscience ruin it and then how great the fall will be the fearfull horror of thy lost estate will wofully express Lord let this teach me to redeem those precious hours which I have lost O let each wanton thought each idle word be monitors to tell me how my Audit stands with heaven I can speak nothing I can doe nothing which I can recall each circumstance of sin is charged in mine account and must be reckoned for how careful should this make me of the-expense of that time that is recorded for eternity Thou O Lord art holyness it self thy Saints and Angels are holy and thy children must be holy nothing but holiness can inherit heaven no unclean pleasure no impure joy shall enter there How can I ever hope to be an inhabitant of that holy City whose heavenly language I cannot speak And now Lord seeing these things are thus by thine assisting grace I seriously resolve to allow my self no pleasure in this life but what is sanctified with moderation because I clearly see these outward pleasures to be onely so far usefull unto me as by them I am made more serviceable unto thee Moderate and honest repast sets an edge upon my soul and makes it more earnest more-active in devotion when I take up pleasure as a trade I become a Traytor to my body a Tyrant to my soul Lord I am now heartily in love with heaven and grudge at that hours liberty in outward merriment that maketh not the next more eager of mine inward comfort There is no sweetness but in goodness and there is no goodness in that mirth which is not
favour to tremble at thy frown to submit to thy rod to think nothing too dear to part withall to purchase thy grace to promote thy glory Thou O Lord lovest not a cowardly Christian if I prefer any thing to thy love I am most unworthy of it that friendship is too dearly bought which cannot be enjoyed without the loss of thy favour If my brother offend me I will labour to restore him with the spirit of meekness lest whilst I study to rebuke another I become guilty my self No sin shal pass me without some shew of distast without some feeling of my Makers injury and my brothers misery If I be not moved with compassion for anothers sin I shall never be moved with contrition for mine own such comfort as I can willingly afford another I may well hope shall be graciously conferred on my self In my reproof of sin I will observe these holy cautions lest while I endeavour to become serviceable unto thee I prove injurious to my neighbour Private sins shall not have publique reprehensions neither shall publique sins be undecently reproved by me a private person Piety must not confound Charity nor Religion Policy Lord I may easily transgress even in my best intentions how grievously have I then failed in my rebellious actions when I have not feared thee with that sincerity of heart which becometh thy child when I have not loved thee for that beauty for that richness for that goodness which thou art but for those outward blessings which I enjoy from thee when I serve thee for base and by respects such and so unbeseeming my profession so far below that soul which thou hast given me that thou mayst justly now withhold thy blessings from me when I have hitherto sought but my self in thee when my thoughts have been carnall my words hypocriticall my service deceitfull To thy glory Lord and mine own deserved shame I willingly confess that I have not only sinned through the frailty of my nature but I have sinned allso with an high hand sin hath not onely surprised me at unawares but I have obeyed it in the lusts thereof with willingness with greediness with joyfulness I have not onely corrupted mine own wayes before thee by mine own sins but I have allso foolishly contracted others faults by hearing and seeing thee my God dishonored in vain and sinfull discourse in more vain and sinfull excess without shew of dislike without thought of reproof yea Lord I have added unto others sins by mine example while I have feared to reprove that which I have known to be distastfull unto thee while I have seemed to love that which hath been hatefull to mine own soul With those time-pleasing Rulers in the Gospel I have believed in thee but because of the Pharisees because of outward respects I have feared to confess thee and have loved the praise of men more than the praise of God But thou Lord who art infinitely good and ever ready to forgive whose wise and over ruling Providence is only able to produce the greatest good out of the greatest evill Pardon and pass by my many and my weak compliances of sinfuâ—l nature supply my defects accept my desires incourage my endeavours Let thy power be magnified in my weakness thy love in my willfulness thy grace in my sinfulness Suffer me not O Lord to run from thee by a base and servile fear of thy Justice O let me rather run into the bosom of thy love by a filiall fear in sweet and safe assurance of thy mercy Lord make me to see the fearfulness and ugliness of sin by the bright rayes of thy celestiall beauty O let me patiently and joyfully and thankfully endure thy sweet chastisements for it and speedily and constantly withdraw my longings from it Give me an yearning and relenting soul for grieving thy good Spirit give me O Lord that chast and blessed fear belonging onely to thy children that I may not fear thee to tremble at thee but to love thee to honor thee to delight in thee to enjoy thee Lord make me jealous of every deed of every word of every thought that may displease thee and truly penitent for all those sins by which I have so much dishonoured thee Indue me with a loyall heart to love thee truly as I ought strengthen this love with holy confidence and happy perseverance that may for ever hanish this unholy fear that so my joyfull soul may live above the reach of humane misery that I may be capable of no fear but of offending thee and that I may not onely fear thee my self but be jealous allso of thy fear in others Lord let nothing in this life withdraw me from a zealous and a constant love to thy service from a faithfull and devout indeavour to promote thy glory that so I may be ever found truly obedient unto thee my God religiously acquainted with the affairs of this life piously affected to the good of mine own soul Amen CHAP. 22. Upon the great neglect of reckoning daily with our consciences and the benefits lost thereby COnsider O my soul how venomous the nature of sin is if thou canst afford to sleep in small sins thou wilt not stick to welcom greater Sin is of an incroaching nature if thou suffer it to sleep in thy bosom it will expect to dwell there Little sins are harbingers to bigger ones if thou lodgest these those will challenge entertainment Let each evening therefore take a strict accompt of that daies action and where thou findest thy self failing pray heartily for pardon In thine entrance upon this holy course thou wilt surely find three potent oppositions Satan will tell thee that God requireth no such strictness at thy hands the World will tell thee thou hast this or that employment to consider of thine own Corruption will perswade thee that nature will abhor this discontented course that thy spirits will be too much dulled and thy life will prove uncomfortable Alass my soul these are delusions to betray thee to a greater mischief As there are degrees of Sanctification so there are of Pollution no man becometh evill in an instant from hence it is that sometimes the soul can start even at the very thought of that sin which by degrees it can digest without disturbance If holy David had accounted with his conscience after his lustfull looks on Bathsheba doubtless those fearfull sins of his had never been committed O let not any vain pretences deter thee from this task but the blessed benefits allure thee if the entrance be harsh the progress will be safe the continuance sweet the end happy By this enquiry thou shalt see thy sins those great disturbers of thy pâ—ace arraigned convicted condemned and by the mercy of thy Saviour dayly dying in thee Satan repulsed the gifts and graces of Gods holy Spirit strengthened thy mournings comforted thine infirmities susteined thy conscience quitted thy rejoycings exalted the holy Angels delighted and thy heavenly Father well