Selected quad for the lemma: conscience_n
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A67751
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An experimental index of the heart, or, Self-knowledge in which (as in a looking-glasse) the civillest of men may see what need they have of a redeemer : and that it most deeply concerns them with all speed to sue out their pardon in Christ and to rely wholly and only upon free-grace for pardon and salvation : except they prefer an everlasting furnace of fire and brimstone in hell, before an eternal weight of super-abundant glory in heaven, as all (most sottishly) do that by sinne and Satan are bewitched / drawn up and published for the good of all by R. Younge of Roxwell in Essex, Florilegus.
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Younge, Richard.
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1660
(1660)
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Wing Y155; ESTC R231259
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18,556
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18
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him yea most spitefully and maliciously fought on Satans and sins side against him and persecuted his children and the truth with all my might and all this against knowledge and conscience after some measure of illumination which cannot be affirmed of the Jews Yet miserable wretch that I was if I could have given him my body and soul they should have been saved by it but he were never the better for them Sect. XXXIII Lastly To tell you that which is more strange Notwithstanding all this that hath been mentioned and much more Yet I thought my self a good Christian forsooth yea with that young man in the Gospel I thought I had kept all the Commandements Nor was I a whit troubled for sin either original or actual but my conscience was at quiet and I was at peace neither did any sin trouble me Yea I would applaud my self with that Pharisee Luke 18.9 to 15. and say I was not like other men not once doubting of my salvation I ever refused to do what my Maker commanded and yet confidently hoped to escape what he threatned Nor did I doubt of having Christ my Redeemer and Advocate in the next life when I had been a bitter enemy to him and his members in this life Here was blindnesse with a witnesse as it is not to be believed how blind and blackish men are that have only the flesh for their guide especially if they have hardned their hearts and seared their consciences with a customary sinning As I could give you for instance a large catalogue of rare examples how sin hath besotted men and what starkfools carnal men are in spirital things be they never so wise for mundane knowledg But least it should be taken for a digression or excursion you shall have a list of them by themselves the which I will add as an Appendix to this Discourse or Dialogue In the mean time I have given you a brief of my manifold provocations and great ingratitude to my Maker and Redeemer for otherwise I might be endlesse in the prosecution thereof It remains that I should in like manner lay open my original defilement which is the fountain whence all the former whether sins of commission or sins of omission do flow But touching it be pleased to peruse that small Tract intituled A short and sure way to Grace and Salvation Or Three Fundamental Principles of Christian Religion by R. Y. from page 4. to page 10. Sect. XXXIV Loose Libertine If this hath been your case no wonder it hath startled you for to deal plainly with you as you have done with me what I have heard from you makes me also tremble For if such honest moral men that live so unreprovably as you had done go not to heaven what will become of me that have been openly Prophane and notoriously wicked all my time Yea it contented me not to do wickedly my self and so damne my own soul but I have been the occasion of drawing hundreds to Hell with me by seducing some and giving ill example to others the infection of sin being much worse than the act As how many have I drawn to be Drunkards and swearers and whoremongers and prophane persons insomuch that the blood of so many souls as I have drawn away will be required at my hands Yea my life hath been so debauched and licentious that I have brought a scandal upon the Gospel and made it odious to the very Turks and Infidels Rom. 2.24 Convert Alass what I did that was morally good or what evil I refrained was more for self-ends or more for fear of mens Laws than for love of Christs Gospel True I went under the notion of an honest man and a good Christian I was baptized into the faith and made a member of Christs vivisible Church but I was so far from indeavouring to perform what I then promised that in effect I even renounced both Christ and my Baptism in persecuting him and all that sincerely professed his Name thinking I did God good service therein Joh. 16.2 Gal. 1.13 14. Phil. 3.6 Nor was it for want of ignorance that you thought so of me for by nature be we never so milde and gentle we are all the seed of the Serpent Gen. 3.15 and children of the Devil Joh. 8.44 Yea the very best moral man is but a tame Devil as Athanasius well notes But it is a true proverb the blind eat many a flie and all colours are alike to him that is in the dark Loose Libertine So much the worse is my condition for my conscience tells me there is not a word you have spoken of your self but I can justly apply the same unto my own soul and a great deal more For whereas you have been a moral honest man so that none except your self could tax you for breaking either Gods Law or mans I have been so wicked and prophane that I could most presumptuosly and of set purpose take a pride in my wickednesse commit it with greedinesse speak for it defend it joy in it boast of it tempt and inforce to it yea mock them that disliked it As if I would send challenges into Heaven and make love to destruction and yet did applaud my self and prefer my own condition before other mens saying I was no dissembler yea I hated the hypocrisie of Professors I do not justifie my self and despise others like the Puritanes I am not factious schismatical singular censorious c. I am not rebellious nor contentious like the Brownists and Anabaptists I am a good fellow and love an honest man with my heart c. and as touching a good conscience I was never troubled in mind as many scrupulous fools are I have a good heart and mean as well as the precisest Bur now I see the Devil and my own deceitfull heart deluded me so that my whole life hither to hath been but a dream and that like a blind man I was running head long to Hell when yet I thought my self in the way to Heaven Just as if a beggar should dream that he were a King or as if a traitor should dream of his being crowned when indeed he was to be beheaded the case of Laodicea Rev. 3.17 the young man in the Gospel Luk. 18.20 21. and that Pharisee spoken of Luk. 18.11 12. Sect. XXXV Convert It was not your case alone but so it fares with the worst of sinners Only it much rejoyces me that it hath pleased God to open your eyes to see all this in your self For flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto you Yea we are naturally so blind and deaf and dead in sin and in soul that we can no more discern our spiritual filthinesse nor feel sin to be a burden than a blind Aethiopian can see his own blacknesse or than a dead-man can feel the weight of a burthen when it is laid upon him Act. 28.27 Isa 6.9 10 And this common experience shews for if you observe it who more
hated all that resembled him in holinesse Yea I so hated holinesse that I most bitterly hated men for being holy insomuch that my blood would rise at the sight of a good man as some stomachs will rise an the sight of sweet-meats I was a Christian in name but I could scoff at a Christian indeed I could honour the dead Saints in a formal profession while I worried the living Saints in a cruel persecution I condemned all for Roundheads that had more Religion than a Heathen or knowledg of heavenly things than a child in the womb hath of the things of this life or conscience than an Atheist or care of his soul than a Beast I had alwaies the basest thoughts of the best men making ill constructions of whatsoever they did or spake as the Scribes and Pharisees dealt by our Saviour Sect. XXIX As O what a poor slave did I hold the man of a tender conscience to be yea how did I applaud my self for being zeallesse and fearlesse together with my great discretion and moderation when I saw this man vexed for his zeal that other hated for his knowledg a third persecuted for the profession of his Faith c. For being like Cain Ishmael Eliab Michel Pharaoh and Festus I thought their Religion Puritanisme their conscience of sinne hypocrisie their profession dissimulation their prudence policy their faith and confidence presumption their zeal of Gods glory to be pride and malice their obedience to Gods Laws rebellion to Princes their execution of justice cruelty c. If they were any thing devout or forward to admonish others that so they might pluck them out of the fire I conceived them to be besides themselves as our Saviour was thought to be by his Kinsfolk and Saint Paul by Festus Mark 3.21 John 10.20 Acts 26.24 1 Cor. 1.18 My religion was to oppose the power of Religion and my knowledge of the truth to know how to argue against the truth 〈◊〉 never affected Christs Ambassadours that preached the glad tydings of salvation but had a spleen against them yea I hated a Minister for being a Minister especially if a godly and zealous one that spake home to my conscience and told me of my sins much more if he would not admit me to the Lords Table without trial and examination yea then like Ahab to Micah I became his enemy and hated him ever after would impeach his credit and detain from him his dues And are not all these strong evidences that I loved and served God and my Redeemer as I ought But to make it more manifest what a rare Christian I was I thought my self a Believer yea I could boast of a strong faith when yet I fell short of the very Devils in believing for they believe the threats and judgments contained in the Word and tremble thereat James 2.19 Whereas I thought them but scarâ—crows to fright the simple withall yea I held Hell it self but a fancy not worth the fearing Because I was not notoriously wicked but had a form of godlinesse was civil c. I was able to delude my own soul and put off all reproofs and threatenings by comparing my self with those that I presumed were worse than my self as Drunkards Adulterers Blasphemers Oppressors shedders of blood and the like counting none wicked but such Yea looking upon these I admired my own holiness and thought my moral honesty would be sufficient to save me Nor did I know wherein I had offended And whereas the Law is spiritual and binds the heart from affecting no lesse than the hand from acting I was so blind and ignorant that I thought the Commandement was not broken if the outward gross sin be â—orborn Whence these were my thoughts I never brake the first Commandement of having many gods for I was no Papist nor Idolater nor the second for I worshipped God aright nor the third for I had been no common swearer only a few petty oaths nor the fourth for I had every Sabbath gone duly to Church not the fifth for I ever honoured my Parents and have been a loyal subject not the sixth seventh eighth ninth or tenth for I never committed murther or adultery never stale ought never bare false witness nor could I call to mind that I had at any time coveted my neighbours wife servant estate c. And nothing more common with me than to brag of good heart and meaning of the strength of my faith and hope of my just and upright dealing c. And because I abstained from notorious sins I thought my self an excellent Christian if God was not beholding to me for not wounding his name with oaths for not drinking and playing out his Sabbaths for not railing on his Ministers for not oppressing and persecuting his poor Members c. Sect. XXX And yet had it been so as I imagined admit I had never offended in the least all my life either in thought word or deed yet this were but one half of what I owe to God this were but to observe the negative part of his law still the affirmative part thereof I had been so far from performing that I had not so much as thought of it And to be just in the sight of God and graciously accepted of him these two things are required the satisfactory part to escape Hell and the meritorious part to get Heaven And the true method of grace is Cease to do evil Learn to do well Isa 1.16 17. The Fig-tree was cursed not for bearing evil fruit but because it bare no good The evil servant was not bound hand and foot and cast into prison for wasting his Masters goods but for not gaining with them And those Reprobates at the last day shall be bid depart into everlasting fire not for wronging or robbing of any but for not giving for not comforting Christs poor Members Mat. 25. So that my case was most desperate For though with that Pharisee Luk. 18.11 I was apt to thank God and brag that I was just and paid every man his due yet I never thought of being holy and of paying God his dues as his due of believing or repenting of new obedience his due of praying hearing conferring meditating on his word and works sanctâ—â—â—ing his Sabbaths and instructing my Children and Servants teaching them to fear the Lord. His due of Love Fear Thankefulnesse Zeal for his Glory charity and mercy to Christs poor Members and the like I should have served God in spirit and according to Christs Gospel as all that are wise hearted do live and believe and hear and invocate and hope and fear and love and worship God in such manner as his word prescribes I should have been effectually called and become a new Creature by regeneration being begotten and born anew by the immortal seed of the Word I should have found an apparant change wrought in my judgment affections and actions to what they were formerly The Old man should have changed with the New man