Selected quad for the lemma: conscience_n
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A60157
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Some account of the holy life and death of Mr. Henry Gearing, late citizen of London who departed this life January the 4th. 1693/4. Aged 61. By John Shower. The second edition. With the trial and character of a real Christian, collected out of his papers, for the examination of himself: from which several other particulars are added, for the instruction, encouragement, and imitation of Christians.
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1699
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Wing S3692; ESTC R221466
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72,960
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188
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had certainly been foiled if God by his Omnipotent Grace had not supported and delivered me When Satan saw me first set my Face towards Heaven he employ'd all his Skill and Diligence to hinder it Formerly he had told me I needed not Repent because I was not guilty of gross Sins but now he saw that I was sensible of my Vileness and Sinfulness by Nature and Life he saw that Sin was my Burden and that I was convinced that I must repent or perish he left off this Temptation and told me it was too soon to repent yet that I was young and might live many Years and take my Pleasure that I might repent when I was old or upon a sick Bed To that end he suggested to me that the Life of a Christian was a sad uncomfortable Life that if I entered upon this Course I must bid Farewel to all Mirth and Pleasure and spend my Days in Sorrow But then I began to think with my self that it was better to do so than lie down in Hell-Torments to all Eternity When Satan saw that he could not prevail in this Temptation he found out another he went about to perswade me That if I began to walk in the Ways of God and did hold out a little way it was a thousand to one if I held out to the end I should certainly fall away and turn Apostate And this was the worst Condition of all to return with the Dog to the Vomit c. He brings that Scripture to my Mind If after we have escaped the Pollutions of the World we are again entangled therein the latter end is worse than the beginning For it had been better not to have known the Way of Righteousness than after we have known it to turn from it He followed me with this Temptation but it pleased God by his Spirit to enable me in some measure to resist it and repel it for I was perswaded If God had begun a good Work of Grace in me he was able to carry it on and to keep me from falling away tho' at that time I was not acquainted with those Scriptures that prove the Perseverance of the Saints Thus was I troubled and tossed with various Temptations and no sooner rid of one but another came I heard a Sermon upon Matth. 13. 45. The Kingdom of Heaven is like a Merchant-man seeking goodly Pearl Who when he had found one of great Price went and sold all that he had to buy it I received much Light and Comfort from this Sermon and saw more of the transcendent Excellency of Jesus Christ who was the Pearl of Price and I thought I could most willingly part with all even Life it self for him Then he tempted me to question the Truth of the Holy Scriptures and I was put upon it to prove them to be the Word of God This I was not able to do therefore this Temptation was the longer upon me and I was much perplexed about it And had the Devil prevailed with this he needed not have followed me with any other Temptation When this was a little over he came like a roaring Lion ready to devour me not as an Angel of Light but shewing himself in his own Colours like a Devil he assaulted me with the most Horrid Atheistical and Blasphemous Temptations that were possible for him to invent He struck deep and went about to destroy the Foundation of all Religion He tempted me to that which I am ashamed to think of and even tremble to mention even to believe there was no God nor Devil Heaven nor Hell Tho' I did not believe his Temptation nor willingly entertain it yet could I by no means be rid of it it came very strong upon me followed me from Bed to Board and tho' I was terrified with the Thoughts of it I could not put it out of my Mind and I was in great Perplexity of Spirit But the Lord was pleased secretly to preserve me and support me under these grievous Assaults and in some measure to repel them But behold the Policy of Satan tho' this Temptation did not prevail it made way for Another which presently followed For he who had tempted me to have such horrid Atheistical Thoughts now began to terrifie me for them he set Sin before me in its Aggravations and told me that now I was worse than the very Devils for they believe that there is a God and tremble therefore I then thought I should certainly be damned that I was past all Hopes of Salvation I looked upon my self as ripe for Damnation and ready for Hell-Torments He had often told me it was too soon to repent now he told me it was too late Many Scripture Threatnings were brought to my Mind that did exceedingly terrifie me as that in Isaiah There is no Peace saith my God to the Wicked And that the Wicked shall be turned into Hell and all the Nations that forget God as I knew I had done of a long time Likewise Psal 50. 22. and Prov. 1. 24. to the end When I went about to read the Scripture then that Place came to my Mind What hast thou to do to declare my Statutes or to take my Covenant into thy Mouth Psal 50. 16. When I had Thoughts of praying to the Lord for Grace that Scripture came fresh into my Mind The Prayer of the Wicked is an Abomination These with many other Scriptures did affright and terrifie me I knew not what to do I saw my self utterly undone without an Interest in Christ and yet I durst not lay hold on him for Salvation I cannot express the Sorrows of my Mind under these strong Convictions and various Temptations My Heart was filled with Horror and Terror Day and Night for some Weeks together O the Depth of Satan's Wiles He that had led me along all my Days in Presumption now he went about to drive me to Despair How hard a thing is it to keep between these two Extreams Had not God upheld me by his Power and Mercy I had certainly been dashed in pieces between these two Rocks Satan has tempted me to think I had committed the Sin against the Holy Ghost by my atheistical and blasphemous Thoughts and because I sinned against so much Light This was a great and sore Trouble to me and an heavy Burden upon my Conscience This Scripture did much terrifie me Repentance is hid from thine Eyes and another He that believeth not is condemned already and the Wrath of God abideth on him I looked upon all the Threatnings as spoken to me every thing added to my Sorrow When I read the Promises they administred no Comfort to me but rather Terror because I thought I had no right to them or to those things they assured us of When I heard of the Joys of Heaven and of the Glory of it it increased my Trouble to think there should be so much Happiness and I have no share in it but must be banished from God and
this thou findest thou hast more Desires after Grace that is more Grace Art thou not only thankful for a little Grace but art reaching after more Dost thou grow more weary of thy Sin and more earnest after Christ I hope in the Lord it is thus with me that I am more weary of Sin and desire more Grace Now Growth is a Sign of Life Again Put this Question to thy self Do I hunger and thirst after Christ This is an Evidence of Spiritual Life Dead Men do not hunger and thirst after Christ Now I hope in the Lord I do hunger and thirst after Christ and nothing but himself will content me Again Ask thy Soul Do I love God and Christ or do I not These Marks he gives of Love to Christ Lord I love thee for I am grieved at thy Absence and am rejoiced at thy Presence Lord I love thee for I love those that are like Thee O my Lord I love thee for I love the Place and Duties where thou art wont to meet thy People and warm their Hearts but if thou art not there I cannot take up contentedly with them Lord I humbly say I love thee for I dare not deny but I am grieved when thou art dishonoured by my self or others tho' I grieve for this less than I should because I love thee less than I ought Lord I love thee for I desire to have an Heart that should be willing to part with all for thee things sinful in themselves at all times and things lawful when thou callest me to it Once more I humbly say I love thee for I would have an Heart to love and long and look for thy Coming and Appearance in Glory Mr. Ambrose directing to try our Title to Heaven adviseth First To write down the Scripture-Marks or Grace or Glory and mentions these several Scriptures following 1 Joh. 2. 3. Hereby we know that we know him if we keep his Commandments 2 Cor. 1. 12. For our rejoicing is this the Testimony of our Conscience that in Godly Simplicity and Sincerity we have had our Conversation in the World 1 Joh. 3. 9 10. Whosoever is born of God sinneth not because his Seed abideth in him neither can he sin because he is born of God In this the Children of God are manifest c. 1 Joh. 4. 13. Hereby we know that we dwell in him and he in us because he hath given us of his Spirit 1 Joh. 3. 14. We know that we have passed from Death to Life because we love the Brethren James 1. 12. There is a Crown of Life the Lord hath promised to them that love him But above all observe these Texts following as containing the special Gospel-Conditions to which we find so often annexed the Promise of Justification and Glorification Joh. 3. 16. God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have Everlasting Life Joh. 5. 24. He that believeth hath Everlasting Life and shall not come into Condemnation but is passed from Death unto Life Joh. 6. 40. And this is the Will of him that sent me that every one that seeth the Son and believeth in him may have Everlasting Life Joh. 20. 31. These things are written that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ the Son of God and that believing ye might have Life through his Name Acts 16. 31. Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved Rom. 10. 9 10. If thou shalt confess with thy Mouth the Lord Jesus and shalt believe in thy Heart that God hath raised him from the dead thou shalt be saved Heb. 10. 39. We are not of them who draw back unto Perdition but of them that believe to the saving of the Soul 1 Joh. 5. 13. These things have I written unto you that believe in the Name of the Son of God that ye may know that ye have Eternal Life From the first Text we gather the Scripture mark of universal Obedience from the second Sincerity from the third Opposition against and Abstinence from Sin from the fourth Spiritual Performance of holy Duties from the fifth a Love of the Brethren from the sixth a Love of Christ from all the rest Faith in Christ the Root and Spring of all other Graces and necessary Conditions of Pardon and Eternal Life Proceed we now to put the Question to our selves but be sure to state it aright Let it not be Whether there be any Good in us at all For so we shall err on the one hand nor yet Whether we have such and such a degree and measure of Grace For so we shall err on the other hand But Whether according to the fore-mentioned Scriptures such and such a saving Grace be in us or not Now I having begged of God his Help to try the State of my Soul by what follows this 17th of August 1676. and I do hope I find the true Marks of saving Grace in my Soul and desire here to enter them down that I may have recourse to it in time of need and the Lord grant I be sincere 1. O my Soul hast thou respect to and dost observe all God's Commandments Dost thou keep the Law in Truth and Sincerity tho' not in gradual Perfection Dost thou know God in part and love God truly by a sincere Obedience Dost thou keep the Commandments in an Evangelical Sense And wherein thou failest dost thou acknowledge thy Failings and rely upon Christ for Pardon Is thy universal Obedience internal and spiritual as well as external Is thy Delight in the Law of God after the Inward Man Is thy Obedience to the Duties of both Tables Dost thou make Conscience of particular Duties in every Relation 2. O my Soul hast thou Sincerity and Uprightness of Heart Is there a powerful Change of the whole Man by the Grace of God Dost thou do what is good upon this account because God commands it not because it will agree with thy Ends and Advantage but because God hath required it Art thou diligent and conscientious in secret Duties to perform them and in Spiritual or Heart Sins and secret Lusts to avoid them Dost thou serve God in Spirit Dost thou eye God whether in private or publick Dost thou set thy self zealously against those Sins thou art most inclined unto Dost thou hate Sin most in thy self and in those that are nearest unto thee Hast thou respect to all God's Commandments but yet to the Duties of the first Table before the second to the Commands of greater Duties before those of lesser Duties Or if in all these Particulars thou findest not such an Uprightness as hath no Deceit or Falshood or carnal Respects at all joined with it for as all other Graces are but in part so are we sincere and upright but in part art thou humbled under thy Hypocrisie and spiritual Guile And dost thou trust only to Christ And dost thou cry as David did for Truth in the