his_o grace_n and_o mercy_n be_v please_v to_o snatch_v as_o a_o brand_n out_o of_o the_o fire_n and_o as_o the_o apostle_n though_o before_o a_o blasphemer_n a_o persecutor_n and_o injurious_a yet_o obtain_v mercy_n that_o in_o he_o christ_n jesus_n may_v show_v forth_o all_o long-suffering_a for_o a_o pattern_n to_o they_o that_o shall_v after_o believe_v on_o he_o to_o eternal_a life_n 1_o tim._n 1.13_o 16._o so_o god_n strike_v he_o to_o the_o ground_n as_o it_o be_v by_o a_o light_n from_o heaven_n and_o a_o voice_n of_o thunder_n round_o about_o he_o insomuch_o that_o now_o the_o scale_n fall_v from_o his_o eye_n as_o they_o do_v from_o the_o apostle_n paul_n his_o stony_a heart_n be_v open_v and_o stream_n of_o tear_n gush_v out_o the_o bitter_a but_o wholesome_a rear_v of_o true_a repentance_n the_o mean_n which_o prepare_v the_o way_n for_o this_o wonderful_a change_n be_v a_o sharp_a and_o painful_a sickness_n with_o which_o he_o be_v visit_v which_o the_o almighty_a often_o make_v use_n of_o to_o reduce_v the_o wander_a sinner_n to_o the_o knowledge_n of_o god_n and_o of_o himself_o and_o though_o to_o forsake_v our_o sin_n then_o when_o we_o can_v no_o long_o commit_v they_o seem_v to_o be_v rather_o necessity_n than_o choice_n yet_o we_o often_o find_v that_o god_n use_v one_o to_o bring_v about_o the_o other_o and_o improve_v a_o force_a abstinence_n from_o sin_n into_o a_o settle_a loathe_v and_o a_o true_a detestation_n of_o it_o as_o in_o the_o case_n of_o manasseh_n in_o 2_o chron._n and_o of_o the_o prodigal_a son_n luke_n 20._o and_o god_n say_v of_o ephraim_n i_o will_v be_v unto_o ephraim_n as_o a_o lion_n i_o will_v tear_v and_o go_v away_o and_o none_o shall_v relieve_v he_o till_o they_o acknowledge_v their_o offence_n and_o seek_v my_o face_n and_o in_o their_o affliction_n they_o will_v seek_v i_o early_o hos_fw-la 5.14_o 15._o though_o some_o stubborn_a nature_n fly_n in_o the_o face_n of_o their_o heavenly_a father_n while_o he_o be_v correct_v they_o and_o other_o be_v like_a to_o those_o child_n who_o while_o under_o the_o rod_n promise_v wonder_n and_o present_o forget_v all_o as_o the_o psalmist_n say_v when_o he_o slay_v they_o than_o they_o seek_v he_o and_o they_o return_v and_o inquire_v early_o after_o god_n nevertheless_o they_o do_v but_o flatter_v he_o with_o their_o mouth_n and_o lie_v unto_o he_o with_o their_o tongue_n for_o their_o heart_n be_v not_o right_a with_o he_o nor_o continue_v they_o steadfast_a in_o his_o covenant_n psal_n 78.34_o etc._n etc._n and_o probable_o this_o have_v be_v this_o penitent_n case_v former_o but_o there_o be_v a_o evident_a difference_n betwixt_o the_o effect_n of_o this_o last_o sickness_n upon_o he_o and_o many_o other_o before_o for_o he_o tell_v the_o minister_n that_o he_o have_v now_o other_o sentiment_n and_o thought_n of_o thing_n and_o act_v upon_o quite_o different_a principle_n he_o be_v not_o vex_v that_o his_o sickness_n be_v painful_a or_o that_o it_o hinder_v he_o from_o his_o sin_n which_o he_o long_v again_o to_o be_v at_o but_o submit_v patient_o to_o it_o accept_v it_o as_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n and_o be_v thankful_a blessing_n and_o praise_v god_n not_o only_o in_o his_o extremity_n but_o for_o they_o also_o and_o whereas_o former_o he_o have_v so_o habituate_v himself_o to_o curse_v and_o swear_v that_o he_o use_v it_o almost_o every_o minute_n there_o be_v now_o no_o curse_n no_o rail_n nor_o reproach_n to_o his_o servant_n or_o those_o about_o he_o which_o in_o other_o sickness_n be_v their_o usual_a entertainment_n but_o he_o treat_v they_o with_o all_o the_o meekness_n and_o patience_n in_o the_o world_n beg_v pardon_n frequent_o of_o the_o mean_a of_o his_o attendant_n but_o for_o a_o hasty_a word_n which_o the_o extremity_n of_o his_o sickness_n and_o sharpness_n of_o his_o disease_n proceed_v from_o a_o ulcer_n in_o his_o bladder_n which_o cause_v his_o urine_n to_o pass_v from_o he_o with_o intolerable_a pain_n may_v easy_o force_v from_o he_o of_o which_o one_o instance_n be_v relate_v that_o call_v for_o something_o which_o he_o think_v be_v not_o bring_v he_o soon_o enough_o he_o cry_v that_o damn_a fellow_n but_o be_v gentle_o admonish_v instant_o recollect_v himself_o complain_v of_o that_o language_n of_o hell_n or_o fiend_n which_o he_o say_v have_v be_v former_o so_o familiar_a to_o he_o that_o it_o still_o hang_v about_o he_o whereas_o none_o deserve_v to_o be_v damn_v more_o than_o he_o have_v do_v and_o desire_v to_o ask_v his_o servant_n pardon_v for_o that_o rash_a say_n his_o prayer_n be_v not_o now_o so_o much_o for_o ease_n or_o health_n or_o a_o continuance_n of_o his_o life_n as_o for_o grace_n and_o faith_n and_o perfect_a resignation_n to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n so_o that_o it_o may_v be_v charitable_o and_o just_o conclude_v that_o his_o sickness_n be_v not_o the_o chief_a ingredient_n but_o through_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n a_o effectual_a mean_n of_o true_a though_o late_a repentance_n for_o though_o it_o be_v a_o deathbed_n repentance_n and_o therefore_o full_a of_o danger_n and_o the_o utmost_a hazard_n yet_o it_o be_v not_o whole_o impossible_a to_o be_v true_a nor_o absolute_o desperate_a since_o that_o god_n who_o be_v a_o god_n of_o infinite_a compassion_n and_o forbearance_n allow_v he_o leisure_n and_o opportunity_n for_o repentance_n by_o a_o long_a and_o linger_a sickness_n that_o he_o awaken_v he_o out_o of_o his_o spiritual_a slumber_n by_o a_o pungent_a distemper_n as_o to_o provide_v prudent_o for_o his_o worldly_a affair_n and_o yet_o not_o to_o be_v distract_v nor_o divert_v by_o they_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o a_o better_a world_n that_o god_n lengthen_v out_o his_o day_n of_o grace_n and_o accompany_v the_o ordinary_a mean_n of_o salvation_n and_o the_o weak_a ministry_n of_o his_o word_n with_o the_o convince_a and_o overrule_a power_n of_o his_o spirit_n to_o his_o conscience_n which_o word_n of_o god_n become_v to_o he_o quick_a and_o powerful_a sharp_a than_o any_o two-edged_a sword_n pierce_v even_o to_o the_o divide_v asunder_o of_o his_o soul_n and_o spirit_n and_o at_o last_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n witness_v to_o his_o spirit_n that_o now_o he_o be_v become_v one_o of_o the_o child_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o first_o visit_n to_o he_o say_v the_o minister_n at_o his_o return_n from_o a_o journey_n out_o of_o the_o west_n he_o most_o glad_o receive_v i_o show_v i_o extraordinary_a respect_n upon_o the_o score_n of_o my_o office_n and_o thank_v god_n who_o have_v in_o mercy_n and_o good_a providence_n send_v i_o to_o he_o who_o so_o much_o need_v my_o prayer_n and_o counsel_n acknowledge_v how_o unworthy_o heretofore_o he_o have_v treat_v minister_n of_o the_o gospel_n reproach_v they_o that_o they_o be_v proud_a and_o prophesy_v only_o for_o reward_n but_o now_o he_o have_v learn_v how_o to_o value_v they_o that_o he_o esteem_v they_o the_o servant_n of_o the_o most_o high_a god_n who_o be_v to_o show_v to_o he_o the_o way_n to_o everlasting_a life_n at_o the_o same_o time_n i_o find_v he_o labour_v under_o strange_a trouble_n and_o conflict_n of_o mind_n his_o spirit_n wound_v and_o his_o conscience_n full_a of_o terror_n upon_o rhis_fw-la journey_n he_o tell_v i_o he_o have_v be_v argue_v with_o great_a vigour_n against_o god_n and_o religion_n than_o ever_o he_o have_v do_v in_o his_o life-time_n before_o and_o that_o he_o be_v resolve_v to_o run_v they_o down_o with_o all_o the_o argument_n and_o spite_n in_o the_o world_n but_o like_o the_o great_a convert_n st._n paul_n he_o find_v it_o hard_o to_o kick_v against_o the_o prick_n for_o god_n at_o that_o time_n have_v so_o strike_v his_o heart_n by_o his_o immediate_a hand_n that_o present_o he_o argue_v as_o strong_o for_o god_n and_o virtue_n as_o before_o he_o have_v do_v against_o it_o he_o declare_v that_o god_n strange_o open_v his_o heart_n create_v in_o his_o mind_n most_o awful_a and_o tremendous_a thought_n and_o apprehension_n of_o the_o divine_a majesty_n with_o a_o delightful_a contemplation_n of_o the_o divine_a nature_n and_o attribute_n and_o of_o the_o loveliness_n of_o religion_n and_o virtue_n i_o never_o say_v he_o be_v advance_v thus_o far_o towards_o happiness_n in_o my_o life_n before_o for_o though_o upon_o the_o commission_n of_o some_o sin_n extraordinary_a i_o have_v have_v some_o check_n and_o warning_n considerable_a from_o within_o yet_o i_o still_o struggle_v with_o they_o and_o so_o wear_v they_o off_o again_o the_o most_o observable_a i_o remember_v say_v he_o be_v this_o one_o day_n at_o a_o atheistical_a meeting_n at_o a_o person_n of_o quality_n i_o undertake_v to_o manage_v the_o cause_n and_o be_v the_o principal_a disputant_n against_o god_n and_o piety_n and_o for_o my_o performance_n
put_v it_o into_o my_o mind_n that_o christ_n jesus_n have_v not_o give_v so_o much_o for_o soul_n as_o he_o have_v do_v to_o let_v the_o devil_n have_v they_o for_o nothing_o and_o in_o the_o strength_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o repulse_v the_o devil_n say_v satan_n when_o thou_o in_o tempt_a christ_n show_v he_o the_o whole_a world_n thou_o promise_v he_o that_o which_o be_v none_o of_o thou_o own_o nor_o be_o i_o thou_o and_o therefore_o avoid_v satan_n for_o thou_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v with_o i_o and_o then_o the_o devil_n depart_v from_o i_o then_o my_o heart_n be_v much_o fill_v with_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n and_o with_o a_o mixture_n of_o tear_n and_o joy_n i_o have_v sweet_a comfort_n from_o the_o lord_n and_o though_o i_o have_v have_v many_o doubt_n upon_o my_o spirit_n sometime_o yet_o i_o have_v since_o find_v very_o great_a consolation_n through_o faith_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n as_o in_o these_o and_z divers_z other_o matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n i_o thank_v god_n i_o have_v find_v much_o rest_n and_o refreshment_n by_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o that_o his_o grace_n be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v i_o have_v often_o lay_v hold_v on_o this_o promise_n with_o a_o thirst_a desire_n after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o he_o have_v fill_v i_o with_o comfort_n and_o the_o comfort_n wherewith_o christ_n do_v comfort_n peter_n bid_v he_o not_o to_o fear_v for_o he_o have_v pray_v for_o he_o have_v be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o give_v i_o great_a consolation_n in_o that_o i_o know_v christ_n be_v hear_v in_o all_o that_o he_o pray_v to_o the_o father_n and_o i_o find_v the_o testimony_n of_o my_o conversion_n to_o god_n which_o give_v satisfaction_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o be_o a_o true_a believer_n 1._o though_o i_o do_v all_o that_o i_o can_v to_o serve_v god_n as_o he_o have_v command_v i_o yet_o i_o find_v great_a imperfection_n and_o utter_a unworthiness_n in_o myself_o to_o deserve_v any_o thing_n of_o god_n but_o my_o whole_a dependence_n and_o hope_n of_o salvation_n be_v in_o god_n free_a grace_n in_o the_o blood_n and_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n chrsst_n 2._o i_o do_v find_v that_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n constrain_v i_o to_o love_n god_n again_o above_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n and_o whatever_o i_o be_o about_o my_o soul_n be_v delight_v with_o god_n above_o all_o 3._o i_o find_v that_o the_o lord_n draw_v my_o heart_n to_o hate_v all_o evil_a communication_n and_o evil_a thing_n and_o not_o so_o much_o to_o fear_v the_o punishment_n of_o the_o world_n for_o any_o thing_n as_o to_o sin_n against_o god_n 4._o i_o be_o much_o delight_v in_o the_o working_n of_o god_n spirit_n and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a joy_n and_o comfort_n to_o my_o soul_n when_o my_o heart_n be_v enlarge_v towards_o god_n 5._o my_o heart_n be_v much_o affect_v unto_o ordinance_n and_o if_o satan_n suggest_v worldly_a thought_n to_o hinder_v i_o from_o duty_n i_o have_v call_v upon_o god_n and_o find_v comfort_n and_o when_o i_o have_v come_v to_o duty_n with_o cold_a affection_n i_o have_v be_v much_o refresh_v in_o the_o duty_n &_o though_o sometime_o i_o have_v feel_v pain_n and_o distemper_n in_o my_o body_n which_o i_o have_v thought_n satan_n have_v do_v to_o make_v i_o weary_a in_o duty_n yet_o i_o have_v call_v on_o the_o lord_n and_o find_v comfort_n 6._o i_o find_v great_a peace_n and_o much_o comfort_n in_o the_o lord_n so_o that_o i_o can_v be_v willing_a to_o die_v and_o it_o be_v a_o great_a joy_n to_o i_o in_o that_o i_o expect_v to_o die_v that_o i_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o the_o affliction_n of_o the_o world_n to_o enter_v into_o eternal_a joy_n with_o christ_n for_o ever_o e._n o._n xxiv_o expeience_n of_o a._n g._n i_o have_v be_v many_o year_n since_o very_o sensible_a of_o my_o natural_a estate_n and_o do_v lie_v long_o under_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n which_o be_v so_o great_a a_o burden_n to_o i_o that_o they_o make_v i_o almost_o despair_v insomuch_o that_o i_o can_v scarce_o either_o eat_v or_o drink_v but_o have_v my_o spirit_n dry_v up_o with_o the_o anguish_n thereof_o for_o i_o be_v bring_v up_o under_o the_o mean_n and_o from_o a_o child_n frequent_v the_o hear_n of_o the_o word_n and_o the_o first_o cause_n of_o my_o great_a torment_n be_v for_o that_o i_o once_o tell_v a_o lie_n against_o my_o conscience_n which_o so_o lie_v upon_o my_o spirit_n afterward_o that_o i_o can_v receive_v no_o comfort_n i_o go_v to_o hear_v the_o word_n and_o read_v the_o scripture_n yet_o all_o do_v but_o increase_v my_o horror_n several_a minister_n and_o godly_a people_n use_v great_a mean_n to_o comfort_v i_o but_o all_o in_o vain_a for_o a_o time_n and_o when_o i_o read_v the_o scripture_n i_o find_v every_o threaten_n and_o judgement_n therein_o that_o i_o fix_v my_o thought_n upon_o to_o speak_v terror_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o my_o distraction_n be_v so_o great_a that_o my_o friend_n say_v i_o be_v mad_a and_o keep_v the_o bible_n from_o i_o for_o so_o often_o as_o i_o read_v in_o it_o i_o pore_v most_o upon_o that_o dreadful_a place_n matth._n 12.31_o all_o manner_n of_o sin_n and_o blasphemy_n shall_v be_v forgive_v unto_o man_n but_o the_o blasphemy_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n shall_v not_o be_v forgive_v unto_o man_n i_o do_v not_o know_v what_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v but_o i_o have_v a_o persuasion_n i_o have_v commit_v that_o sin_n and_o fear_v that_o my_o sin_n can_v not_o be_v pardon_v and_o that_o i_o shall_v never_o go_v to_o heaven_n but_o be_v cast_v off_o to_o the_o damn_a yet_o this_o the_o lord_n wrought_v for_o i_o and_o in_o i_o by_o his_o bless_a spirit_n to_o draw_v forth_o my_o heart_n to_o be_v often_o pray_v in_o that_o poor_a doubt_a way_n my_o spirit_n can_v by_o the_o lord_n assistance_n vouchsafe_v to_o i_o attain_v unto_o for_o though_o i_o think_v it_o in_o vain_a and_o that_o god_n will_v not_o hear_v i_o yet_o i_o continue_v pray_v and_o often_o cry_v to_o god_n not_o only_o in_o the_o day_n time_n but_o frequent_o in_o the_o night_n and_o rise_v out_o of_o my_o bed_n to_o pray_v to_o god_n to_o have_v mercy_n upon_o i_o and_o i_o be_v sometime_o a_o little_a comfort_v in_o that_o i_o be_v persuade_v to_o hope_v in_o the_o lord_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v dash_v again_o through_o fear_n that_o i_o have_v commit_v the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n and_o i_o think_v that_o all_o victual_n and_o every_o thing_n be_v too_o good_a for_o i_o and_o that_o i_o be_v unworthy_a of_o all_o en_fw-fr oyment_n thus_o i_o lay_v for_o some_o month_n in_o a_o sad_a agony_n wrestle_v with_o temptation_n perplex_v between_o hope_n and_o despair_n but_o at_o last_o in_o hear_v mr._n w._n minister_n of_o b._n and_o read_v a_o book_n call_v the_o new_a birth_n i_o find_v comfort_n be_v better_o satisfy_v what_o the_o sin_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n be_v than_o before_o since_o which_o i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v for_o some_o year_n past_a find_v much_o comfort_n from_o the_o promise_v of_o god_n reveal_v in_o his_o holy_a word_n some_o of_o which_o follow_v matth._n 5.6_o bless_a be_v they_o which_o do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n for_o they_o shall_v be_v fill_v my_o chief_a desire_n be_v after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o to_o follow_v he_o by_o the_o rule_n of_o the_o gospel_n not_o doubt_v but_o that_o i_o shall_v be_v bless_v in_o that_o grace_n which_o he_o communicate_v to_o i_o from_o his_o fullness_n matth._n 11.28_o come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n this_o promise_n be_v to_o soul_n lade_v with_o dejection_n and_o universal_a to_o all_o that_o come_v to_o christ_n have_v much_o comfort_v my_o heart_n in_o that_o by_o his_o spirit_n he_o have_v draw_v forth_o my_o soul_n to_o come_v to_o he_o and_o as_o a_o testimony_n of_o my_o love_n to_o god_n and_o evidence_n of_o my_o faith_n i_o bless_v god_n i_o have_v these_o comfortable_a fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n in_o my_o soul_n 1._o though_o i_o do_v all_o that_o i_o can_v to_o serve_v god_n yet_o in_o all_o thing_n i_o find_v infirmity_n in_o i_o so_o that_o all_o my_o trust_n be_v only_o in_o the_o merit_n of_o my_o saviour_n jesus_n christ_n 2._o though_o i_o can_v be_v so_o holy_a as_o
christ_n if_o he_o abide_v in_o i_o and_o i_o in_o he_o i_o shall_v do_v all_o thing_n m._n w._n xvi_o experience_n of_o i._o i._n when_o i_o be_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o wealth_n and_o worldly_a enjoyment_n i_o be_v vain_a covetous_a and_o whole_o have_v my_o heart_n take_v up_o with_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n little_a or_o nothing_o mind_v the_o thing_n of_o god_n or_o think_v of_o a_o change_n but_o go_v on_o in_o presumption_n put_v the_o evil_a day_n far_o off_o minidng_v only_o for_o the_o present_a what_o please_v the_o flesh_n until_o about_o eight_o year_n since_o i_o have_v many_o outward_a cross_n befall_v i_o and_o be_v in_o some_o want_n and_o then_o be_v under_o that_o dispensation_n i_o be_v much_o trouble_v and_o full_a of_o grief_n i_o seek_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o beg_v deliverance_n from_o my_o affliction_n and_o distress_n as_o to_o outward_a want_n but_o have_v not_o a_o heart_n to_o consider_v what_o be_v the_o cause_n or_o to_o seek_v out_o the_o mind_n of_o god_n in_o it_o until_o i_o hear_v dr._n holmes_n show_v sin_n to_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o all_o our_o cross_n the_o consideration_n hereof_o do_v come_v close_o unto_o my_o spirit_n and_o i_o have_v a_o clear_a conviction_n of_o my_o vanity_n and_o foolish_a dote_a on_o worldly_a thing_n which_o have_v just_o provoke_v the_o lord_n i_o hope_v for_o my_o good_a to_o lay_v those_o cross_n upon_o i_o which_o though_o they_o be_v for_o a_o time_n bitter_a yet_o god_n have_v since_o sweeten_v but_o my_o sorrow_n be_v then_o double_v and_o i_o be_v deject_v not_o only_o for_o my_o outward_a cross_n but_o more_o especial_o for_o my_o carnal_a heart_n and_o vain_a conversation_n whereby_o i_o have_v stir_v up_o the_o anger_n of_o the_o lord_n against_o i_o i_o go_v to_o the_o ordinance_n hope_v to_o find_v comfort_n from_o the_o word_n but_o the_o weight_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o my_o suffering_n so_o press_v i_o down_o that_o i_o find_v much_o heaviness_n my_o sin_n especial_o lay_v heavy_a upon_o i_o and_o i_o see_v little_a hope_n of_o comfort_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o work_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o loathe_n of_o sin_n as_o well_o as_o trouble_v for_o the_o affliction_n it_o have_v bring_v upon_o i_o but_o about_o a_o year_n since_o i_o hear_v master_n w._n prove_v by_o scripture_n in_o a_o sermon_n very_o effectual_a to_o my_o comfort_n that_o those_o who_o have_v be_v the_o great_a of_o sinner_n if_o they_o do_v hearty_o and_o real_o repent_v and_o turn_v to_o god_n by_o faith_n in_o christ_n and_o lead_v a_o new_a life_n the_o lord_n will_v receive_v they_o to_o mercy_n hereupon_o i_o argue_v with_o my_o soul_n that_o though_o i_o have_v be_v a_o great_a sinner_n yet_o the_o lord_n have_v bring_v my_o heart_n to_o a_o loathe_n of_o those_o sin_n i_o love_v and_o of_o all_o sin_n and_o to_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o sincere_o to_o desire_v to_o serve_v he_o that_o therefore_o there_o be_v hope_n of_o mercy_n for_o i_o i_o hear_v mr._n w._n mr._n m._n and_o other_o and_o frequent_v divers_a meeting_n where_o i_o find_v much_o comfort_n those_o several_a place_n of_o scripture_n in_o which_o i_o chief_o find_v comfort_n from_o the_o promise_v of_o god_n be_v matth._n 11.28_o 29_o 30._o where_o christ_n say_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n and_o be_v heavy_a lade_v and_o i_o will_v give_v you_o rest_n take_v my_o yoke_n upon_o you_o and_o learn_v of_o i_o for_o i_o be_o meek_a and_o lowly_a in_o heart_n and_o you_o shall_v find_v rest_n unto_o your_o soul_n for_o my_o yoke_n be_v easy_a and_o my_o burden_n light_n this_o make_v i_o to_o hope_n that_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heavy_a heart_n lade_v with_o the_o sense_n of_o sin_n so_o christ_n jesus_n will_v give_v i_o comfort_n for_o in_o the_o 12_o verse_n of_o the_o same_o chapter_n it_o be_v say_v a_o hruised_a reed_n shall_v he_o not_o break_v and_o and_o smoke_a flax_n shall_v he_o not_o quench_v and_o though_o i_o have_v dishonour_v christ_n yet_o i_o have_v not_o blaspheme_v the_o holyghost_n and_o therefore_o have_v encouragement_n to_o believe_v from_o the_o word_n of_o christ_n luke_n 12.10_o whosoever_o shall_v speak_v a_o word_n against_o the_o son_n of_o man_n it_o shall_v be_v forgive_v he_o but_o unto_o he_o that_o blaspheme_v against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n it_o shall_v not_o be_v forgive_v i_o be_v comfort_v to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n in_o hope_n because_o he_o have_v humble_v my_o soul_n and_o open_v my_o eye_n to_o see_v mercy_n offer_v to_o i_o and_o this_o be_v strengthen_v from_o that_o example_n lament_v 30.20_o to_o verse_n 26._o my_o soul_n have_v they_o still_o in_o remembrance_n and_o be_v humble_v in_o i_o this_o i_o recall_v to_o mind_n theresore_n have_v i_o hope_v it_o be_v the_o lord_n mercy_n that_o we_o be_v not_o consume_v because_o his_o compassion_n fail_v not_o they_o be_v new_a every_o morning_n great_a be_v thy_o faithfulness_n the_o lord_n be_v my_o portion_n say_v my_o soul_n therefore_o will_v i_o hope_v in_o he_o the_o lord_n be_v good_a unto_o they_o that_o wait_v for_o he_o to_o the_o soul_n that_o seek_v he_o i_o be_v much_o encourage_v from_o hence_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n and_o hope_v in_o his_o mercy_n my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o i_o be_v a_o great_a sinner_n and_o deserve_a death_n and_o hell_n but_o my_o hope_n be_v in_o god_n and_o strengthen_v from_o that_o promise_n ezek._n 18.21_o 22_o 23._o if_o the_o wicked_a will_v turn_v from_o his_o sin_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v and_o keep_v all_o my_o statute_n and_o do_v that_o which_o be_v lawful_a and_o right_a he_o shall_v sure_o live_v he_o shall_v not_o die_v all_o his_o transgression_n that_o he_o have_v commit_v they_o shall_v not_o be_v mention_v unto_o he_o in_o the_o righteousness_n that_o he_o have_v do_v he_o shall_v live_v have_v i_o any_o pleasure_n at_o all_o that_o the_o wicked_a shall_v die_v say_v the_o lord_n god_n and_o not_o that_o he_o shall_v turn_v from_o his_o way_n and_o live_v and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o spirit_n a_o very_a great_a resolution_n to_o serve_v he_o for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v and_o i_o praise_v my_o god_n i_o have_v have_v since_o much_o joy_n in_o duty_n of_o piety_n and_o much_o sweetness_n from_o the_o word_n of_o god_n and_o gold_o minister_n i_o have_v no_o desire_n to_o enjoy_v the_o pleasure_n and_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n as_o i_o have_v do_v but_o my_o heart_n now_o take_v delight_n in_o god_n and_o communion_n with_o his_o people_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o a_o heart_n io_o discern_v a_o beauty_n and_o desirableness_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n which_o be_v more_o joyful_a to_o i_o now_o than_o ever_o sin_n be_v former_o and_o when_o i_o come_v at_o the_o ordinance_n i_o often_o find_v and_o feel_v such_o heavenly_a refreshment_n from_o the_o lord_n upon_o my_o heart_n that_o it_o make_v i_o exceed_o full_a of_o joy_n there_o be_v such_o a_o love_n upon_o my_o heart_n to_o god_n that_o i_o dare_v not_o willing_o offend_v he_o in_o any_o thing_n i_o rejoice_v to_o hear_v his_o name_n speak_v of_o and_o his_o glory_n exalt_v and_o i_o find_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n draw_v by_o the_o power_n of_o god_n from_o my_o heart_n to_o such_o as_o seem_v to_o be_v his_o people_n j._n j._n xvii_o experience_n of_o e._n c._n about_o nine_o year_n ago_o at_o the_o birth_n of_o a_o child_n i_o have_v very_o great_a temptation_n of_o destroy_v myself_o and_o have_v have_v oftentimes_o a_o knife_n put_v into_o my_o hand_n to_o do_v it_o so_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o be_v leave_v by_o myself_o alone_o and_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v what_o the_o cause_n may_v be_v my_o conscience_n do_v hint_n most_o my_o neglect_v of_o duty_n which_o i_o have_v many_o opportunity_n to_o have_v perform_v they_o be_v the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n thus_o i_o continue_v till_o two_o year_n ago_o i_o bury_v a_o child_n which_o be_v a_o very_a great_a trouble_n to_o i_o to_o part_v with_o and_o then_o be_v i_o more_o full_o convince_v of_o sin_n which_o cause_v my_o burden_n to_o be_v the_o great_a so_o that_o i_o can_v seldom_o have_v any_o other_o thought_n but_o of_o desperation_n but_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o by_o his_o great_a mercy_n so_o that_o sometime_o i_o can_v pray_v with_o devotion_n and_o discern_v the_o lord_n to_o remove_v this_o great_a trouble_n from_o i_o i_o do_v plain_o find_v that_o those_o great_a temptation_n be_v very_o much_o lessen_v which_o be_v a_o very_a great_a comfort_n unto_o my_o spirit_n but_o yet_o this_o still_o be_v