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A20101 Iests to make you merie with the coniuring vp of Cock VVatt, (the walking spirit of Newgate) to tell tales. Vnto which is added, the miserie of a prison, and a prisoner. And a paradox in praise of serieants. Written by T.D. and George Wilkins. Dekker, Thomas, ca. 1572-1632.; Wilkins, George, fl. 1607. aut 1607 (1607) STC 6541; ESTC S105305 41,447 64

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neuer in prison before and will you bee his ●●doing when if you but search the record at Newgate you sh●ll 〈◊〉 him to haue payd his garnish twentie times at least but if it proue that at her Importunity you are mooued and in pitty of her spare her mates life Take this from me it shall happen to you as to an honest Iuror of this City not long since who séeing a comely proper yong man stand i●dighted for a purse and by his verdit giuen against him ●as to be hanged in pity of his present youth and hope of better grace to come béeing at that time foreman of the Iury so laboured with his a●●●tants that for that fact hee was acquitted who in recompēce presently vpon his discharge paying his fées came to the place where this Iuror was and pickt his pocket then i● poore Cock may not preuaile wt●ou t● spare none of them learne this of Horras Quo semel est Imbuta re●ens seruabit odorem Testa d●●● A 〈◊〉 vessell will neuer bee made swéete and our english prouerbe is as true as old saue a theefe from the gallowes hee le hang you if hee can and though these parties themselues will in person no more steale from you yet imboul●●cd by your pitty they will be instruments to intice others to worke you hurt otherwise if shee findes you not moued at her Crocadiles teares but according as iustice in y ● case has prouided will prosecute against him then fals she to rayling against you abuses your 〈◊〉 ●annes your children curs●s your procéedings and if she haue a childe her selfe brings it and sayes at your doore shee will leaue it for you or the parish to bring vp if by your meanes her hus●●nd perisheth thinking thus to ouercome you with impudence if shee could not doe by perswasion they that haue had any trading know this to be true then poore Cock leau● euery man to his ow●e discretion and will now tell how these shee b●asts behaue themselues abroade In the day time two of them neuer lesse often more w●lke vp and downe streets together with their handbaskets in their hands so neate and decent in atire that suspition it selfe cannot cease on them for other then people of honest conuersatiō when vigilantly as thy passe along they cast their eyes about to obserue where they can finde a shop furnished but with one to giue attendance on customers be it ma●●●●●r mistresse or man so but one they respect not which taken note of into that shop of what trade soeuer they wil enter for these wil play small game before they will sit out mary their chiefs venture is eyther with Mercers Gouldsmiths Linnen drayers ha●●da●hers and such like now a simple man would thinke these should bee credible people that thus loue to deale with the best● at first they demand for this or that sort of wares as rings taffety cambricks hats gloues garters or what soeuer the shoppe keepes 〈◊〉 of much they desire to see but are contented with none yet still requesteth you to turne about and reach h●r this thing or th●● thing all which trouble is to no more purpose but that 〈◊〉 your face is away from them they may ●●ke aduantage to 〈◊〉 somwhat away from you which at that instanc● she that is ●ext you failes not 〈◊〉 ●ffect and closely conuayes it to her that stands of fit purpose a prety way off thus hauing the pray they fish for she modestly dis●ikes your wares sayes she is sory shee has troubled you she will now make bold to see further and if she cannot speed her selfe better she will returne to you againe a●d whilest she is vsing this complement sh●e withall opens her basket shakes and begins to gather vp her cloth●● and you seeing no occasion of mistrust the one laying all meanes to free suspition opens to you and the other standing aloofe and not comming neere your wares kindly bids them welcome so part you to the making vp of your wares againe and ten to one for that instant misse nothing and they to make away that purchase and by the like to prouide for more Thus is many an honest Cityzen robd ten nay perhaps twentie times vy the vildnes of this condition and of long time mistrust nothing but comming to cast vp his shop findes his goods gone and no acount to be made of them he suspects his wife distrusts his children accuses his seruants when these make pray of your endeuours and consume your substance in as vild or vilder manner then they get it Another instruction learne to auoyd these dangers by at the coming in of two in this fashion into your shop though by your vigilance both in laying out making vp of your wares you are certaine there is nothing lost yet of her that stands aloofe haue this foresight that nothing lye within her reach for while shee perceiues your eye to be diligent on her you are seruing her eye is not idle to obserue what lyes at randome abroad for thothey haue beene hole ●olts of Hollād peeces of Taffety or Sattane probatum est that many an honest man hauing had a care of y ● o●e haue beene by the other whom they mistrusted not in the meane time deceiued for sometimes they will not come in as of one aquaintance but when she perceiues you busied with the other and cals hard for such wares which she knowes you haue whē you as loth to loose a customer intreat her but to slay a litle you will attēd her straight she ●aies she will y ● other whō you are seuing there prolonges the time and shee walking about about till shee has plaid her prise in fit opportunity takes h●● leaue and saies shee will come againe when you are 〈◊〉 more leysure and so at one time giues you the list and the slip straight retires home to her Copesmates who neuer go● abroade vnles sometimes to be drunke but liue like ●wl●s wh● in the day are wondred at and seldome seene but by night when your goods are deuided and you the honour for your neglect iested at But if as it is seldome they misse of their purpose yet come they not home without meanes to set some other pr●ie●● a foote as by noting your dores sellors windowes casements whether your seruants lye in your shop and how they finde all things easily for entrance or defensiue● against a burglary y ● next night when with two or thrée men and a boy the purposed act as shall be after reuealed in what manner is vndertooke These that thus steale for there be of them both men and women are among them selues called running lifts of which there are that steale in another maner and thus it is If they perceiu● a Nobleman or gentlemans dore opē they will straight without asking presse in and so far vp euen to the fairest lodgings where if by chance they are met by any and resisted with this question
9. Iest. ONe called a Captaine coward and said he had no heart it s no matter quoth the Captaine I haue legs The 10. Iest. VVHat is the reason saies a Gentleman to his friend that chesse-play being so witty a game is not vsed so much now as it had wont to be diuerse reasons saies the others one is because Rookes stand too neere the Bishops another is because Knights had wont to be better then pawnes but now a good pawne is better th●● a Knight The 11. Iest. A Taylor in this Towne maintaind a whore besides his wise who afterwards came to the knowledge of it where vpon on● wondring how it should be discouered because the Taylor was a close fellow askt one of his neighbors how the diuell his wife could smell out his wench oh easily replyed the other for he kept her vnder his wifes nose The 12. Iest. An auncient Gentlewoman making her brag● that she was descend●d from Iohn of Gaunt One that stood by sayd he thought she was rather descended from William the Conqueror because her face was so old The 13. Iest. ONe demanded of his friend what was the reason that when a man 〈◊〉 a light Wench the ●●st word he speaks to her is Gentlewoman will you goe to the Tauerne O saies the other ● Leman is neuer good without wine The 14. Iest. A Couple of Seruingmen hauing drunke hard in Southwarke came to take water about ten or eleauen of the clock at night at S. Mary-oueries sta●res But the M●●ne ●●ning and a puddle of water lying before them which th●y could not perfectly discerne without better ●ies by reason that their shadowes bid it one of them ●●umbled and fel● in labouring with his hands feete as if he had bin a swimming his fellow● stood so well as a man in his case could stand looking vpō him sayd Art thou gon Art thou gon● Iesus recea●● thy soule yet if thou canst but get the Temple staires theirs some hope thou shalt doe well enough tush saies the other that was downe I looke not to g●t so I may saue my selfe I care for no more The 15. Iest. A Silly fellow being for some misdemeanor brought befor● the old Recorder after some short ●xamination was by him demāded whom he seru●d I serue quoth the fellow a poore kinsman of your good worship A poore kinsman of mine thou varlet who is that looke you saies he and drew from vnder his cloake a flute The 16. Iest. A Player riding with his fellowes in a yeare of Peregrination vp and downe the countries resolued to be merry th● they ●ot little money and being to passe through a Towne h●e gets a good way before the rest crying wi●h his drawne Rapier in his hand which is the Constables house where is the Constable the dogs of the parrith at the no●se fell to barking the Threshers came running out with their ●●●iles the Clounes with rakes pitch-forks asking without what the matter was cried still and you be men bring me to the Co●●●able At last the wise Gentleman appeared in his 〈◊〉 Are you the Constable saies the player yes that I am for fault of a better quoth he why then blurt Maister Constable saies the other and clapping spurres to his horse gallopd away amaine some of the companions laughing others rayling the Constable swearing and the rest of the players that came behind post through the thickest of them and laughing the whole Towne to scorne as if it had bin the foole in a Comedie which made y ● hob-nailewearers stampe tenne times worse then they did before The 17. Iest. A Company of merry Gallants comming in a winter night late from a Tauerne to increase that mirth in the streetes as they went along which the wine had begotten in them before fell to taking downe of Lāthornes that their hung out And one of them being nibling to vntie the cord at which a Sconc● hung a seruant of the house by chance suddenly opened the doore and tooke him at his worke roughly asking him what he meant to doe there nothing Sir saies the other but to s●uff your candle The 18. Iest. A Young man passing to his lodging somewhat late was by the dreadfull voyce of browne-bilmen cald to come before the Constable he did so but perceiuing him that sat there in the examiners office to be no Constable but knew him to be a bare Deputie and had for wages serued for other men some sixe or seauen yeares together y ● fellow gaue him scuruy words for which the Uice-regent of the Ward grew so into choller y ● he swore the great Turke should not ransome him from lying by the héeles nay more he would execute Iustice in his owne proper naturall person and leade him himselfe he did so and the other 〈◊〉 before but in the middle of Cheapeside bee kneeled downe crying out aloud O thou euerlasting Constable what meanest thou to doe with me The 19 Iest. A Seruingman bringing a Capon and white-broth to the t●ble stumbled let all fal to the ground for which his Maister reuilde him and sayd I could haue done so much my selfe I thinke so quoth the fellow any foole may doe it now t is done before him The 20. Iest. VPon a time when there was a great muster made by the Citty of souldiers a countrie fellow séeing them march thr●ugh the stréetes inquired of one that stood likewise by as a beholder to what end these souldiers kept this marching mary to Mile-end saies the other yea but to what end are those Lighters and Boates and Ships prouiding on the Riuer quoth the country mā why to Theames-end answered the other nay but then saies he againe to what end should they make such adoe both by Land and water faith replyed the other to no End The 21. Iest. I Thinke saie some to his friend I am the 〈◊〉 coxcom● liuing truth so thinke I saies the other why should you thinke so replyed the first and grew halfe angry mary sayd the second because you say so I hope none should know that ●●tthen your selfe The 22. Iest. A Paire of Players growing into an emulous contention of one anothers worth re●ulde to put themselues to a day of hearing as any Players would haue done but stood onely vpon their good parts Why saies the one since thou wouldst same be taken for so rare a peece report before all these for they had a small audience about them you must note what excellent parts thou hast discharged Mary saies the other I haue so naturally playd th● Puritane that many tooke me to be one True saies the first agen thou playdst the Puritane so naturally that thou couldst neuer play the honest man afterwards but I quoth he haue playd the Sophy the Sophy replyed the second what a murren was he What was he saies the other why he was a Turke right quoth his aduersarie get to play as many Turkes parts as thou canst for ●●e
leade to a Prison for alacke what are the comforts hee meetes there his wife and children grieue him when hee beholdes them his kinsefolkes grow blinde and cannot see him his friendes are stricken deafe and cannot heare his mones they vpon whose company hee spent his coyne and credit will not come neere the sight of that cold Harbor where he lies whliest others that fed him with wholesome councell do now laugh at his folly for refusing that good dye● What musicke hath he to cheer● vp his Spirites in this sadnes none but this he heares wretches equally miserable ●reaking their heart-strings euery night with grones ●uery da● with sighes euery houre with cares the meate heates doth ●ake him pine his drinke is vnto him as a poyson if he haue money he shall there soone consume it if he want it be must be sure to consume himselfe How cruell therefore is death in striking the rich man amongst his heapes of gold in drowning the voluptuons man in his drye cups of wine in damning the Letcher in the fires of his l●st but how much more cruell is he to the poore Prisoner only in sparing him When kne●s ring out abroade for ioy that soules haue made a voyage to heaue● what sorrow is amongst them that were by at the leaue taking what shrikes are heard from the wiues because they are become widdowes what sobbings frō the children because they are become Orphanes what complaints from seruants because they are left comfortlesse what 〈…〉 flow from friends because Societie is broken yet euen then when the warning peeces of men so newly departed from the shores of life go● off the languishing Prisoner lying on his melancholy bed abruptly shakes off al other cogitations and as one wrapt with ioy for his friends good fortune suddenly cryes out to himselfe Oh happy man art thou that by the hands of death art thus set at libertie but most vnfortunate am I that coue●ing him day and night I can no wayes get into his fauour A Prison shure is so dreadfull a place that death feares 〈…〉 it the grates are so strong and so narrow the lockes so full of wardes and so many the roomes so wide and so vnwholsome the beds so pestered with guests and yet so old the dyet so costly and yet so sparing the family so great and yet so vnruly that death would thinke it more then double death to himselfe to abide in so strange a lodging or else men that are compelled to lye there are such forlorne and miserable wretches that death scornes to be seene in their company Yes yes it is so Dulce noui miseris ●ed mors optata re●ug it These Latin bullets were shot so heauily out of the olde mans mouth like the songs of fidlers when they bée ouer-watcht That sleepe hearing him so wrongd by his brother Death and taking pittie on his greefes layd charmes vppon the lids of his eies and bound them fast vp in slumbers At which our nymble Ignis Fatuus that all this while stood Centinell in a darke Corner vanisht out of that place and like a péece of fire-worke running on a line was in the turning of an 〈◊〉 at another whether if you please let vs follow him A Paradox in praise of Sergiants and of a Prison OUr Newgate-Bird whose notes you haue heard before spreading his Dragon-like wings which with a horred a fainting sound brake open the Ayre before him rested himselfe in his flight on he tops of many other pollutes houses and looking downe sometimes through chimneys and sometimes in at dormer windows that stood gaping wide open to swallow vp the ayre he beheld a thousand Synnes that in the shapes of Bats Skréech-owles and such other ominous mid night-walkers wasted the bawdy night in shameles and godlesse Reuilings but in the day-time like snailes they lye couer'd hiding in causes their vgly and deformed heads Of all which hee taking notes with purpose to sing their liues openly to the world when he is perfect in their tunes hee spent all the next day in a theeuish thicket not far from the Citie to practise the straynes by himselfe but the Sun going to bed being his houre to rise forth flutters he amaine close by the edge of darknesse houering vnder the E●ues of the suburbs till hee heard watchmen cald to their browne bils till Vintners were rea●y to adiourne their Sessions and to araigne no more at their fearefull Barres till the next morning Iust at that time being much about the houre when spirits begin their round did he enter the citie and passing by a Tauerne doore he might behold a tumultuous crew like drunken waues reeling from one side to the other the whirlewinde that raiz'd this tempest beeing nothing else then the clapping of one on the shoulders that was watcht for when he came out of his cup you would haue thought the Allarum had beene giuen and that the Citie had béene in an vprore for you might heare the clashing of swords the hacking of bils and such a confuses noise as if all the Diuels in hell had fallen together by y e eares Some cald for more lights others to put out some cryed clubs others to strike him downe those then had the greater part swore all shewed as if they had bin mad yet on they went holding a kinde of orderly procéeding in this disorder Cock-Watch followed them aloofe by the noyse till he came to one of the Counpter gates which presently flew open mor● suddenly then if they had béene blowne vp with powder and as suddenly were ●ard vp againe At which the thunder-bolt brake that kept before such a rumbling rash Phaeton that set a●● on fire was throwne headlong into a lodging the fury of the multitude was quencht and euery one went to his pillow Onely the good Daemon whose nature it was to sit out she very last Sceine of such Tragi-comedies followed the cheife Actor that played This euen vp into his bed-chamber where he was fast enough lockt all night to rehearse his parts by himselfe The waking Cock had softly clymbd vp to such another Roost as he sat vpon the night before for the Inne was all one but the Guests were not alike This was not an old Souldier that had bene beaten to the wars of Calamity as the former was béeing wounded in thē● lay now sick and groaning on his bed for cures But this was a first man in the schoole of the World A gallant that had spent much and learnt little one whose outside onely shewd he was a Gentleman for within the sumptuous tombe of him was nothing but Carcas It was one vnto whome Vsurers and Citizens would offer vs Golden and silken robes as once the Heathen did to the Images of their Gods because they knew he was borne to Actes and now to make him wise and to take héede what pasture he breakes into next haue they put him like a Iade into a pownd into a