as well as Thomas Sternhold Give me the World full wide For had n't I bin a strange Creature had I continu'd pen'd up in a Quart-pot ever since I had been born to peep and Mutter there like a familiar Spirit shut up in a Bottle Love my Country I do even I think I 'd speak cautiously to fighting for 't so far I 'm sure I do but whether farther than about the Edges of that terrible business I can't be positive only I hope as every good Citizen Regimented or not that there will be no occasion for 't And who but ill-meaning men wish War so near our Gates that we shou'd go out and meet it But notwithstanding all that and more I cou'd say Rambling is still a pretty thing a very pretty thing truly much improving the knowledg increasing the Experience confirming the Judgment strengthning polishing and burnishing both body and mind it has made some Cheeks that shall be nameless as bright as the Sun to my knowledg and much of the same Colour What says Herbert Active and Rambling Spirits live alone Write on the other Here lies such an one Or something like it for I han't the Book by me I say again who but an Old man wou'd live like the Old man of Verona Come I 'll tell you the Story because 't is a pretty one and every body don't know it Once upon a time there was an Old-man a very Old-man Sir that liv'd at Verona or Millan 't was I can't tell which and there this Old-man Sir had never bin out of this City all the days of his Life was n't that a very strange thing but 't will be stranger yet So Sir it fell out that once upon a time O! but I shou'd ha' told ye before that he was three score I think 't was threescore ay three-score years old Now this Old-man Sir as I was saying of three-score years old had never bin without the Gates of the City in all his Life Did you ever hear the like So Sir upon this the Duke of Millain if 't was Millain hearing of this strange Old-man Sir was resolv'd to try Experiments and therefore forbid him as he hoped to live not to stir one foot out of the City upon pain of Death Now what does this Old-Fool Sir do but because he cou'd not Ramble abroad tho' he 'ed n'ere any mind to 't before but now 't was forbidden Sir only because 't was forbidden had a months mind to go out o' Town and because he cou'd n't do 't took pet upon 't and broke's heart Sir and dy'd so there is an end of one that like a Snail wou'd keep at home while he might have Rambled and cou'd not do 't when he wou'd have don 't And a fair warning 't is to all such as are Enemies to Rambling now what Fools these great Loobies are that always lie at home in Chimny corners to observe I say what silly Loobies they are I say not only Hee-Loobies but Shee-Loobies why they have no more wit in 'em than my Grannies Gozlin I warn't ye one Kainophilus who has bin improving his parts abroad wou'd make Fools of one and thirty of 'em bundled up together Come I 'll tell ye another Story that ye may see what Fools they are There was a Woman liv'd at Taunton-Dean ye have heard zhure of Taunton-Dean 't is one oâ— the bigst Towns in all Zummerit-Zhire Zoo Zur this zame Woman having never avore bin above a stones julk or a Quoits cast out of her Parish bounds hapned to have a young Vellow come a Zutering to her a matter o' zum twenty mile off at Cheeard 't was or thereabout and zoo Zur at last it came about that a got hurs and her Vathers Conzent and Married hur and zoo when a had Married hur a zet hur behindâ—un and carri'd hur away to Ceeard Zoo as they were a joalting to joulting along upon the Kings High-way and still went vnder and vurder She great Vool that had never bin haaf zoo vur zuns she wor abore skream'd out to un and cryd Why our Ian what dozt meean to do what dozt think to Cart me to the Worlds eeand Ian he whickered and laugh'd zoo aded till he almost bewray'd a'z zel zoo he ded but at last a little about an hour by Zun he got ar hooam and then toald ar Why thou great Ooaf dozt think we be come near the Worlds-cand yet why man the World is a hundred times zoo long as 't is twixt Taunton-Dean and Cheeard Zavetly zavetly Ian keh hur agen toon and I hill tell thee zoo much Ian wort ' my Huzbon chud zea thou wort as voul great a Lyard as any in all theck World thou taakst o' Now at this silly rate shou'd a man talk that had never Travelled any further than on a Processioning day nor Rambled beyond the Hen-râ—osts or robbing Orchards But now a man that improves his time and youthfull years as some have done that shall be nameless why he 's Company for e're a King in Christendom ay and in Pagandom too as you 'll see when you come to America But being now describing my fuvenile Rambles tho' I 'll not trouble the Reader with every Expedition I made a Nutting or Birds-nesting nor intend to take any care how to bring my self from the last place I was rambling to I can by no means omit telling him what I promis'd and I 'm famous for keeping my word what I promis'd him in the Contents of this Chapter and account of my Rambles to School and from one to 'tother and 'tother to the next and so on nor of my two or three Rambles I was just entring upon into 'tother World The names of my School-Masters were Mr. A. B. C. D. and almost all the Chriss-cross-row over but for the most part such Vinegar-faced Mustard-nosed Fellows such heavy handed thick Finger'd Foot-fisted Rascalls ay if I am n't even with 'em now 't is my time Ill yerk 'em back I 'll scourge 'em as bad as they e're did me or the Dr. of Pauls School his Maid Gillian Come down with your Breeches you old Fornicators you Inquisitors you musty Batchelers you Goldfinders you Men-floggers you posterior-sweepers to Horse brave boys to Horse so there is one two three twenty dâ—ye â—â—ince d' ye caper very well remember whâ—n I did the like when you made me hate Lilly more than the great Turk and poor Priscian that never did me any wrong tho' I did him as bad as the Devil So are you penitent kiss the Rod all of ye one after another how stubborn Ha Ha dye Rebell up agen O! are ye come to your selves very well go get you into your places and as you like this come for more on 't Now Reader don 't you see the very Picture of your self and what you have suffer'd as I by these unchristian pedagogues Dos n't every fibre of your Buttocks tremble as Busby's boys do when they
merciless Usurer he could not have been more surprized But at length after viewing and circumviewing my Face as if he had designed to have drawn my Picture or to have surveyed something through me to this purpose he exprest himself Father Bless me Son John is it you or your Ghost Son Sir possibly 't would be more to your satisfaction if I were a thing of Air but I am a substantial Mortal even your very Son Kainophilus Father Why how now Son John what have you served your Seven Years already To these words of my Father's after I had put Finger in Eye I returned the following Answer Son Truly Sir I cannot deny but that the thoughts of being an Apprentice in the City of London whilst I gazed on it at a distance with the Eyes of Expectation and Desire had something gay and lovely in it But now having made a tryal Yes adds my Father and a short one too its former lustre vanishes and I see it a quite different thing from what it was represented to me But Sir if my returning home has occasioned your anger against me I humbly beg Pardon from Heaven and Forgiveness from you Be pleased therefore to mitigate my offence by revolving in your mind the fewness of my years which makes me as it doth many others prone to Rambling Fancies And for once I intreat you Sir look on this youthful and my first Elapse but as a thing which maturity of years may rectifie and if you can forgive my Follies I will study to forget them and daily endeavour by a dutiful Carriage to declare to the World how much I will be your obedient Son Kalnophilus To which he replied Son John you say well bâ—t alas what 's become of your lost hours have they made you any promise of returning again when you have need of them or can you shew me which way they went No alas my Child they are gone without recovery and in their flight methinks Time seems to turn his head and laugh over his shoulder in derision of you that made no better use of him when you had him than to leave so good a Master of whose good nature and worth I was so well assured by my London Friends My Father had no sooner read me a Lecture upon this extempore Frollick and refolved upon sending me back to my Master but he calls for Pen Ink and Paper and bids me write down his Dying Counsel which he gave me in the following words An Exact Copy of my Father's Dying Counsel which he gave me Decemb. 25. 1675. at the Parsonage-house in Tonsa Concerning your Soul 1. AS you have been a Son of many Prayers and Tears â—eing a long time earneftly begg'd of God and against all human Hope being brought forth into the World by God's special Hand of Providence and being wonderfully restored to life agen after some hours seeming death which immediately ensued after your birth and being likewise as signally delivered from the nearest hazard and likelihood of death when you had the Small-pox I do thereâ—ore exhort and châ—rge you in the presence of the All-seeing God and as you will answer it before Jesus Christ the Judge of the Quick and Dead that you make it your primary and principal care and endeavour to know fear love obey and serve God your Creator and Deliverer as he hath revealed himself through his Son by his Spirit in his Holy Word 2. I do likewise counsel you to read Gods Holy Word both in the Latin and English Bible as often as you have opportunity And I also counsel you to read over Wollebius's Compendium of Theology in Latin and English till you well understand both at such seasons as you may most conveniently do it 3. I do likewise counsel you constantly every Morning and Evening to pray unto God for his Direction Protection and Benediction in all that you do and that with an audible Voice when you may conveniently do it or at least mentally expressing all possible reverence affection joy and thankfulness to God through Christ therein 4. I counsel you likewise manfully to resist all Extreams sinful sadness and despondency of Spirit and to exercise Faith Chearfulness and Delight in the remembrance of all God's Mercies and Deliverances 5. I do likewise counsel you carefully to shun all evil Company with all temptations to or occasions of evil 6. I do likewise counsel you to be dutiful to your Mother loving to your Brothers and Sisters obedient to your Master diligently and faithfully to serve the Lord in all relations and conditions as he requireth Concerning your Body 1. I counsel you to use moderate Exercise and lawful Recreations for the necessary health of your Body being always moderate in your eating drinking and sleeping Never spend too much time or cost in any Exercise or Recreation Concerning your Estate 1. I do counsel you never to desert your Trade or Calling which you have by God's special Providence been called unto 2. I do counsel you ro serve out your full time with chearfulness and delight endeavouring to acquaint your self with all the Mysteries and Improvements of your Trade and if you find not convincing Reasons to the contrary to serve as Iourney-man for one year because I judge you may by that means gain more Acquaintance and Interest and a further insight into your Trade 3. I do counsel you not to Marry before you be twenty five years of age unless some remarkable Providence shall induce you thereunto 4. I do likewise counsel you to use all possible prudence in your Choice of a Wife that she be truly Religious and at least eminently Vertuous that is born of honest Parents and who is of Age and Estate suitable unto your self 5. I do likewise counsel you not to sell any part of your Estate in Land if either your Wife's Portion or your borrowing of Money upon Interest may convenintly serve to set up your Trade 6. I do likewise counsel you to have a convenient Shop in a convenient place at your own charge which will very much facilitate and make way for your suitable and comfortable Marriage yet if you shall by some remarkable Providence meet with a Wife of a considerable Estate you may by her Portion set up your Trade without mortgaging of your Land 7. Lastly I likewise counsel you in all things and in all times so to think and speak and act as you may be willing to appear before God at Death and Judgment Tonsa Decemb. 25. Ann. Dom. 1675. No sooner had my Father ended his Dying Counsel but my courteous Friends who heard it with a wonderment equal to their ignorance invite me to a Suâ—loin of Beef by the help of which and a little of the Decoction of Barley I got strength enough to ramble to bed where being refresht with a twelve hours nap up I mounted and repairing to my Father's Chamber after begging his Blessing I presented him with a showre of Tâ—â—rs and
upon such another She was the pattern of Wives Queen of Mothers best of Friends and indeed as my Father used to say truly of her had all the Virtues of her Sex in her little Finger what had she then think ye all her Body over To say more than all she was a very Iris only a few years older and well worthy to be the Mother of Evander were he but as worthy to be her Son Nay but she shan't think to scape without some Poetry on her Death No all my Relations shall know what 't is to have a Poet kin to ' em She did she did I saw her mount the Skye And with new Whiteness paint the Galaxy Heaven her methought with all its Eyes did view And yet acknow'edg'd all its Eyes too few Methought I saw in crouds bless'd Spirits meet And with loud Welcomes her arrival greet Which cou'd they grieve had gone with grief away To see a Soul more white more pure than thâ—y Earth was unworthy such a prize as this Only a while Heaven let us share the bliss c. There are a great many more of 'em but I don't love to gorge the Reader whom I rather chuse always to leave with a Relish for his next Meal I 'll only borrow his Patience and a Friends Wit for an Epitaph and then let her rest 'till she and I wake together Here lies Don Evander's Mother Death e're thou kill'â—t such another Fair and good and wise as she Time shall throw a Dart at thee In the last Chapter I had clean forgot to give you the History of the second Globe which having such a direct aspect on the Body of all the following Relation and the Epitome of my Life ought by no means to be omitted There you may see if you 'll take the pains but to turn over to the Frontispiece my old Crone of a Nurse ay and such a Nurse as I 'd not envy Iupiter his she-goat who suckled him in a kind of Rapture and Prophecy presenting the Furniture of my future Life the Tools I was to set up with in the universal Trade of Rambling a Hobby Horse which you 'll see will one of these days cast his Tail and have four Leggs start out in the room on 't A pair of little Boots yet a great deal too big for my little Leggs A Staff for sometimes I paid it on Ten-toes tho' that has a stronger twang of Sancho than his Master and is directly against the most sacred Rules of Knight Errantry and never to be done unless in a Pilgrimage or on a Vow never more to bestride a Horse agen 'till that of the flaming Gyant Sir Fundermundando's won in Mortal Battel as you may read at large in Don Bellianis of Greece or the seven Champions But I don't well understand what comes after there seems a little malicious sting i' the Tail on 't A Sword too it may be Why does he think I 'll Ramble without a Sword or does he make a may be on 't whether I shall ever have one of my own Now dare I venture a shoulder of Mutton to a penny Commons that 't was some Shcollard or other writ these Verses who finding at the University they had but one Sword belonging to one Colledge and a pair of Boots between three more which they ride out with by turns while the other stay at home in their own defence concluded strait that things went at the same rate all the World over No Sir Author as pert as you are I tell you I have a Sword of my own and that those may know too who know me or you either Sir I 'll assure ye Sir for my Friends Cause is my own and 't is at your Service Sir whenever you please to make use of it Being thus provided and equipp'd Cap-a-pe in a Travellers Garb Pen and Ink i' one Pocket and Bread and Cheese i' t'other not in specie No Heroes don't use to be mean but in a parcel of Gray-Groats and Edward Shillings ty'd up i' the corner of my Handkerchief my Daddy and I turn'd one side upon Graffham the place of my Birth and away we troopt to another where we had more business but I war'nt ye I have Wit enough to keep all close and not let you know what 't was this however I care not if I tell you that the very hopes of Rambling the Prospect of seeing a new Part of the World or indeed a New World to me striking upon the strings of my Soul before wound to the same pitch made most charming Musick and had you seen then the young Evander who now he sets up for Rambling indeed does a new thing and gets a Horse-back is resolv'd to have a New Name too and henceforth when he thinks fit be call'd KAINOPHILVS had you but seen what a brisk Air he then put on how lively and rosie he lookt how sweet and how charming well but I say no more being I say about to leave my beloved Graffham I can't but give you and Posterity some account of it as my famous Predecessor Coriat did of Odcomb which indeed does strangely agree with the Place of my Nativity But the Excellencies of it being too large to be contain'd in a corner or crowded up in a piece of a Chapter they shall have a whole one to themselves that immediately following CHAP. IV. The Description of The fine Town of Graffham the best i' the Shire on 't And a famous Town 't is if you ever did hear on 't FRom henceforward Reader don't expect I shou'd give every distinct Ramble a distinct Chapter for truly I can't afford it any longer for the Chapters being heavy things and the Rambles brisk little airy Creatures the last run away so fast and scamper about at such a mad rate that the first do what they can can't keep pace with 'em being besides a great many one still begetting another and running all different ways from one another O but Graffham my dear Graffham I han't forgot thee No sooner shall my Toes forget the use of Rambling my Fingers of Writing or my Teeth of eating I am resolv'd to write thy Memoirs with all the accuracy possible both for thy sake and my own First and mainly indeed that after Ages may know where I was born and what place was first so happy to claim my Nativity nor leave Graffham Aston Chessham London Boston Colâ—n Amsterdam and half a hundred Places more a quarreling for me to fifty Generations hence as the Cities of Greece do for Homer Graffham was the Place but what was this Graffham I 'll tell you if you have Patience but have a Care of Envy The least I can say in its Praise is this If wholsome Air Earth Woods and pleasant Springs Are Elements whereby a Town is grac'd If strong and stately Bowers Contentment brings Such is the Town of Graffham and so plac'd There Nature Art Art Nature hath embrac'd Without within below aloft
I 'll not be at the pains and charge of having new Characters cast to express their Language for it neither begins from the left to the right as ours nor from the right to the left as the Eastern nor from top to bottom nor bottom to top as others nor any way else that you or I can imagine because 't was inarticulate and no language at all Don't call this trifling for 't is all in order to describe the loveliest Trees Hedge and Field t' ye that you ever saw or heard of The Trees were not with Leaves of Gold Of such have I heard teil I can't tell where in days of old Kept by a Dragon fell The Hedge was not of Eglantine Where Nightingals do fing Nor yet of lovely Iessamine Which is a pretty thing The Fields were not like Tempe bright Where Amaranthus grows And heavenly Moly Jove's delight And Cure of mortal woes The Trees of Crab the Hedge of Thorn Which Brakes and Lods did mend The Field it was of Barly-Corn Come Kiss and there 's an end Farewel Reader till we meet in London Ask but which way a Man and his Son went and any body there will tell ye presently CHAP. VII Next he Rambles to London I Promise the Reader to play at Bob-Cherry with him no more but being arriv'd now at London in good earnest will give him such a Description of that famous City as I 'll be bold to say the World can't parallels However let Business go before Recreation and my Trade being a little given to Rambling I shall more conveniently meet with the City after I 'm bound Prâ—ntâ—ce and run about with a Note iv my hand as Globe the â—th To dispatch it then as hastily as possible THIS INDENTURE Witnesseth That I Kainophilus Vender of the Town of in the County of c. Not to trouble you with all on 't I was bound to my good Behaviour with that good honest Man my Master as well as he to me before the Chamberlaiâ— to have and to hold from that time forwards and seven years after â—eâ—ring Date from Decemb. 7th 1674. Now you expect my Masters Name Sign Trade and all that No thank ye I han't forgot my Indentures wherein I swore to keep his Secrets and this being both his and my own If you 'd rip up my Guts for 't you shou'd not have it And what good wou'd it do you if you had it The Description of London will be ten times more to the purpose which I 'll promise you as being the best Flower in the Book shall be my Master-Piece And therefore I 'll begin with the Name on 't very Methodically Whence shou'd that be but from King Lud the Son or Father 't is no great matter which of the famous King Bladud that flew I known 't how many miles an hour and set the Devil a boiling his Coppers at Bath I don't know how many thousand year agon What wou'd People have more can there be a clearer Argument that this is true than the very Gates call'd Ludgate to this day after his Name One can scarce tell what this hard to please World will believe if not that neither there 's a great many score of Freemen-prisoners in Ludgate some of my acquaintance to my Sorrow who will take their corporal Oaths to the Truth on 't as freely as they wou'd that they ben't worth five Farthings apiece if that wou'd get 'em out again But for more weighty Arguments What an unanswerable one is there near this Gate besides that it self Is not there a Sign with the three Kings upon 't one of which was the Founder both of the Gate and City adjoyning Androgâ—us LVD and Temautius I can't imagine what can be plainer How many millions of men have been contented with this Etymology before ever we were born 'T is therefore in vain to trouble you with a rabble of other Derivations or make you writhe your Mouth five hundred ways with a company of cramp welâ—h words whence some will have it composed you may therefore let alone both Lâ—ong Dinan which signifies Shipton or a Town famous for the multitude of it's Ships and Navigation a Llhwindian from Llhwin a fortified Wood in which the Brittains made their Towns or which rather indeed were their very Towns before the Romans beat 'em into more wit only plashing the Trees and setting up Stakes and Watling or Hurdling the avenues to keep out wild-Beasts or Men tâ—ô a better Fence 't was against the first then the last to which perhaps the word Glyn yet in use for a thick Wood is Cater Cozen but then for the Tail on 't let Diana take care of that the other end of the Word as these Crucifiers of Language pretend being drawn from her Name there being formerly a Temple dedicated to that Goddess as 't is thought where Pauls now stands Let this be how 't will if this won't be believ'd neither will the queesie chop'd World so much wiser grown all o' th' sudden than their Great-Grandfathers be contented with the t' other Name more ancient then this and yet Iulius Caesar who 〈◊〉 the Tower o' London and put the Lyons in 't as sure as ever 〈◊〉 Lud built Ludgate calls it Troynovant or something so like it that 't is altering five or six Letters and 't will be the self same word now those who han't a mind to be counted great ancient and famous may e'ne laugh at this as well as the other but all true Trojans must needs be proud of such worshipful and worthy Fore-fathers such indefatigable Ramblers first from Troy to Greece then to Italy then hither and thither and no Body knows where till they landed at Totness and built Troynovant or New-Troy as I told you before And if all this ben't enough read old Ieffery over and see if he can satisfie you any better Methinks we have been a tedious while in London without seeing any of the Rary shows in 't ' Twou'd be enough to make my old acquaintance believe I came hither for nothing at all if I don't tell 'em what I saw with these own Eyes o' mine at that very time But shall besides make considerable additions from my Observation of the alterations which happened since I first survey'd it Le ts begin at Cornhil and the Royal-Exchange see how things alter New-Troy is just the reverse of Old and instead of Nunc seges est ubi Troja fuit Coru grows where Troy Town stood 't is now quite contrary Troy stands where Corn did grow or at least was brought thither to Market where there are now a little more precious Commodities traffick'd for But when I first come under the Exchange Gate bless my Ears what a Bâ—z there was 't was High-change and such a Notion of Volk that I concluded it must needs be either a Church or a Fair and as they humm'd like Bees so they swarm like 'em in and out and out and in again