his horses want not water Sixtly Againe Coach if your Lord or Master bee disposed in an evening or any other time to goe to an house of good-fellowship the rude and unmannerly multitude call such Baudie-houses and your Lady or Mistris when you come home aske where you have beene you shall say your Lord or Master hath beene turning and looking over some Bookes in a French liberarie 6. You shall leave altogether your old woâ—nt that is when your Knight or Ladie or both are gone to the Church suffer your man to goe to the Ale-house and there to stay till prayer or Sermon bee done but see him a Gods name goe to Church to learne to serve God better and to mend his manners 7. Your man also shall leave that old knavish tricke of tying a horse haire very straight about the pastornes of your horse feete which presently will make him halt then to tell your Master hee is lame and will not serve his turne procuring after some horse-courser to buy him at an under price then sell him againe and after you two share the money betwixt you 8. Speake well of Water-men and offer them no wrong besides know they are a Corporation and boats were before Coaches I will undertake for them not to hurt you they are my friends and acquaintance and I deale much in their Element 9. If your Lord or Knight be invited to my Lord Majors the Sheriffes or any other great or eminent mans house to dinner because wee know not in these times who wee may trust let your man be sure to search and examine the celler well for feare of Treason 10. If Coach you happen to goe to a Christening or any publique banquet see that you turne your man loose like an Hogge under an Apple-tree among the comfitts and sweete-meates and let him shift 11. Leave in any case that ill custome yee have of running over people in a darke night and then bid them stand up 12. In Terme times you shall drive in the streetes faire and softly for throwing dirt upon Gentlemens clokes and Lawyers gownes going too and comming from Westminster 13. You shall have an especiall â—are of little children playing in Summer time in the streets greens high-waies and such places you shall endeavour to keepe your selves sober from over much drinking for by Coach-men overtaken with drinke many have lost their limmes yea some their lives 14. You shall carrie none without leave of your Lord Lady or Master 15. You shall not Coach as you are accustomed take up into you every groome and lacquay to lie tumbling with his dirtie feete upon your Lords Velvet or cloth Seats and Cushions but let their leggs carry them in the open streete with a mischiefe 16. You have a trick and custome which I wish were amended and reformed that if your Knight or Lady be out of the way froÌ„ home out of the Citie for some spending money to carrie tradesmens wives waiting-maides and young-wenches somtime to Brainford to Barnet Tottenham Rumford and such places to meete and to be merry with their sweet-hearts while all the way they goe they sit smiling and laughing to see how the poore inferior sort foote it in dirt and mire and hereby they grow so prowd that ever after they accounâ— themselues companions for the best Ladies 17. Coach if you are to goe a journey twenty thirty or more miles into the Countrey see that you are provided of all necessariesâ— that your Lady and her women may stand in heâ—d of by the way you know what I meane and never be unprovided of a bottle or two of the best Strong-waters 18. You shall be no hindrance to poore people who shall demaund and aske the charitable almes of your Lord or Ladie much lesse revile them or lash them over the faâ—es with your whip 19. And honest Coach at my request be very careful in going over 〈◊〉 places quick-sands unknowne waters and narrow bridges 20. If a man of manlike behaviour and fashion casually fall lame by the way or by some accident be wounded whereby he is unable to travell you shâ—ll out of Christian Charitie imitating the good Samaritane take him up helpe him wherein you can â—arâ—y him â—o hiâ— Inne 21. You shall offer your brother Sedan no manner of wrong but intreat him with all love and friendship giving him the wall you keeping your naturall and proper walke the middle of the streete 22. Lastly you shall be affable and curteous to all endevouring to get the good will and good word of every one especially your fellows in the hovse that having the love of your Master and Lady they may settle you in a Farme of theirs in your old age and marrying the Chamber maid ever after give them leave to lash that will So much brother Coach for you now honest Sedan something I have to say to you though not much First as you tender the love and friendship of your Brother Beere-Carâ— observe these rules and admonitions You shall from this time forward live with Coach in perfect Love and Amitie to defend and helpe him in all casualties and ever-more to speake well of him behind his backe You shall never carrie any infected person You shall never take into your charge any one that is beaâ—tly drunke at any Taverne or Ale-house but rather give a Porter leave to carrie him to his lodging in his Basket You shall not meddle with any Exchang-Wenches Semsters or hand-some Laundrâ—sses to carrie them to any Gentle-mans private Chamber or Lodging therâ— to shew their wares and commodities You shall never endanger your selves with carrying matters of great charge as Money Plate Iewells Boxes of evidences writings and the like You shall never carrie Coach-man againe for the first you ever carried was a Coach-man for which you had like to have sufferd had not your Master beene the more mercifull You shall see your bottomes be sound that grosse and unweldie men slip not thorow You shall carrie no manner of Beast for any mans pleasure Bears-Whelp Surbated-Hound Baboone Musk-cat or the like You shall have an espâ—â—iall care to keepe your Chaires cleane and sweet both within and without suffer no Tobacco which many love not to be taken in them and wish the Painter to adde to his Verd ' greace and Linseed-oyle in his painting a small quantitie of the Oyle of spike for the better smell And â—ince the wâ—akest goes to the wall take you the wall I charge you of all Porters Bakers Costard-mongers Carmâ—n Coaches and in a word of all in generall saving Beere-Carâ— who after you are wearrie and tired will bee at hand to doe you any manner of serviâ—â— especially to revive your decayed spirits And last of all with which I will conclude because at the Court you are friendly used and often times admitted within the gates which your brother Coach never is you shall take nothing at any time for carriage of the Kings great Porter Surveyor But Master Coach what say you to a late Proclamation that is come out against you and your multitude Coach It concernes not us who follow the Court and belong to Noble-men it is chiefly for the suppressing my neigâ—bours of Hackney who are a Plague to Citie and Countrey it had beene the better for us if it had come out seven yeeres agâ—e
the kennell is your naturall walke I would quoth I it is true have strangers well intreated but not so to doate on them as ordinarily wee doe as if we were guilty to our selues of such grosse ignorance and asinine stupidity wee should thinke nothing well done except an Italian French or Dutch-man have a hand in it the best is sounder judgements are not infected with this opinion these are but the Fancies of fooles and women But I now beleeve Sedan you are made a free denizen and may safely passe whâ—re you please with-out any contâ—oule or question about your freedome and think your selfe as good as Coach saving that hee hath more liberty then you going abroad in the Countrey at his pleasure For my part I am acquainted with neither of you onely Signior Coach some twenty or fowre and twenty yeares since I knew you by the same token your guide was drunke and had not certaine Noble Ladyes by my advice walked on foote over those little bridges betweene Gormanchester and Huntington on foote they had layne where you and your man lay over the head and eares in a River very deepe of Mud these mischances I confesse befall you but somtimes and that is when your horses have beene watered in a Noble-mans-buttery or a Marchants Cellar Beeing in this discourse comes whistling by with his Carre a lusâ—ie tall fellow red-hayr'd and cheekes puffed and swolne as if hee had beene a Liâ—colne-shire-baggpiper or a Dutch-Trumpeter under Grobbendonck in a Canvas frocke a red-cap a payre of high-shooes with his whip in his hand I calling â—nto him hee stayed and asked me what I would I craved his name hee told me Roger Dudgin and that his dwelling was at Puddle-wharfe in good time quoth I you may stand us in good stead to end a controversie heere betweene two strangers yet I doubt not but you know them well-enough what are they quoth he why Coach and Sedan said I cannot agree for place and precedence You are a dweller in the Citie and may soone end the difference Car. The Divell agree them for me I can never goe in quiet for them by day nor by night they talke of Rattle Snakes in New-England I am sure these bee the Rattle Snakes of old England that keepe the whole Citie from their naturall rest it is long of them that poore Prentices are raysed vp before their houre to their worke when their Masters who have bin hard at it at the Taverne overnight would but for their ratling have lyen till nine or tenne poore Maids who were raised out of their beds to washing or skowring of their Brasse and Pewter cannot take a nap in their shops Children that goe in a morning to schoole or of errands in the streete goe in danger of their lives Noe man having his Chamber neere to the streete can be private or followe his studie Coach for your noyse and in streets about the Suburbs and places unpaved you so bee-dash Gentle-mens Cloakes or Gownes without all shame and civilitie that let a man but come from St. Iames to Charing-Crosse and meete you in his way one would sweare by his dirtie Cloake he had come poâ—t from St. Michaels-Mount in Cornwall I marvell whence we had you at first Coach if you and all your fellowes were on a light fire upon Hounslowe-heath the matter were not great Coach It were better a hundred such rascally Carmen as you were hang'd Carman Sirrah you Robin-redbrest wish your Lady to pay my Master for foure loade of Billets which hath beene owing him ever since the great snow a twelue-month agoe Coach Well Iack-sauce we shall talke with you when you come back from Tyborne Car. Nay I prithy Coach goe along with me and I will have done with thee there presently Coach Sirrah goodman rogue pay my Master for an old Coach-horse you had to put in your Carre and heere 's your companion Sedan almost in as good credit in the Citie as your selfe Powel Does iâ— talk against iâ— Master pray you Master stay heere a little while while iâ— runne to Shrewsbury to fetch a Welch-hooke her great Grand-father gave her father when her was a great souldier to Sir Rice ap Thomas at Milford haven when iâ— Countrey-man King Henry the sâ—ven came into Wales it is in Shrewsbury and lies over her hostesses beds head at the signe of the Goate and the Greene Leeke Sedanâ— Powell you Welch-men are well tâ—mper'd but you smell a little too much of the fire Mr. Coach of Hackney hath a cooling-card dealt him already hee may walke now whither he will to Vtopia New England or the Amazons for those Ladies after they are weariâ— of riding love to bee carried Wee Sedans maâ— now goe quietly by you without nick-names nor shall wee ever have halfe those curses of the people you are wont to have in every streete and lane wee take up lesse roome as wee goe along wee are of an easier charge our journeys are short we carrey no Lackquies or Foot-boyes when we are emptie nor have we to doe with Dâ—â— Turn-up and Peg Burn-it your â—ilken wenches of Hackney to carâ—y them to the Red-Bull and other Play-houses to get trading or Citizens wives to St. Albanes South-mimme Barnet Hatfeild Waltham Iâ—ford Croidonâ— Brainford and other places under a colour of seeing their children at nurse to banquet with their sweet-hearts and companions the match being agreed upon a moneth before wee pleasure the lame sicke weake and impotent women with child and such as are corpulent and unweldly and are not able to endure the jolting of a Coach wee defend and keepe Gentlemen and Ladies from the fogge and rotten mistes that morning and evening arise in Townes and Cities neere to great Rivers and many other stinking and grose exhalations which corrupt the lungs as dewes and mistes rot sheepe breed long and dangerous Coughs and Catarrhes the very breath wee breath being nothing else then raâ—ified water moreover wee are places fit for privacie or meditation where a man may reade or studie even in the midst of the throng and open street which men in Law-suites and businesse of weightie importance oft times stand in great need of beside we have our name from Sedanum or Sedan that famous Citie and Vniversitie belonging to the Duke of Bovillon and where hâ—e keepes his Court. Powell Nay doe you heare mee Master it is from Sedanny which in our British language is a brave faire daintie well-favoured Ladie or prettie sweete wench and wee carrie such somtime Master but tou sone Carman Well may a man now passe quietly by you both hayt stand up there Coach Carman be gone and keepe a good tongue in your head and while you live give way to your betters Carman Never to the Devills Carter while I live Coach Well well sirrah there is a place called Bridewell Carman Yes marrie where some of your fine carriage hath beene lodg'd many a time and often Powel This
for being wee shall I hope be better rewarded and better respected I have read I remember in Herodotus of Sesostris a Tyrant King of Egypt who causing foure Kings whom hee had taken prisoners to be yoaked together by the necks to draw his charriot one of these Kings ever and anon cast backe his eye and looked over his shoulder to the Charriot-wheele which the Tyrant observing demanding of him the reason why hee did so the captive King made answer Quia in rota video statum humanum Because in this wheele I see the state of man The spoke of the wheele that was even now aloft is now at the bottome and below as wee our selves are and that below anon gets up to the top Sesostris knowing this to be true and fearing his one estate being as others subject to change and mutabilitie forthwith released them of their bandes set them at libertie So Coach you men that were aloft and above others they must like the spokes of their wheeles come below and why not but by some other profession and calling mount as high againe Sic sors incerta vagatur Ferique refâ—rtque vices â—t habâ—â—t mortalia câ—sum Serveyor Well Gentle-men Coach and Sedan are you both pleased with those honest propositions tending to a perpetuall reconcilement of one to the other made by Beere-cart so that here after you will beare no grudge one to another but speake kindly at your meeting salute one another as you passe and in a word doe all good offices you can one for another that yee may no more make your selves laughing stocks to the world Coach and Sedan Wee will with all our hearts and Gentle-men we thanke you hartily for the paines you have taken and especially you Master Vicar Well Gentlemen quoth I we have now done a good office and Beere-Cart they are much beholding unto you Surveyor So are wee for you have made us wiser then wee were in understanding the abuses and misdemeanors either of them are subject unto for which wee and the world shall heartily thanke you Beere-Ca I could indeede say much more but I am in good hope of their agreement and they will not faile but visit our house three or foure times in the weeke to see how their brother Beere-cart does and with what liquor hee is laden So now quoth I wee have made honest friends and good-fellowes Coach and Sedan an end of your businesse Mr. Surveyor and honest Master Vicar we will go dispatch our own which way lies your way Survey To Westminster-ward wee both goe And I into the Strand and for this merry meeting and old acquaintance sake honest Vicar and Master Surveyor I have for you a quart of the best Canary in Westminster which I think is at Mr. Thomas Darlings a very honest man at the Three-tunnes by Charing-crosse Wee will beare you company quoth they and so wee three leaving the other departed But in going along to beguile the way wee fell I know not how into discourse what alteration in Common-Wealthes Cities Countreys Buildings manners of Men and Fashions in apparrell the Revolution of Time contrary to the opinion of man brought forth the Vicar earnestly maintaining the latter times to be the wisest as I stiffely maintained the contrary against him His first Argument was that wee in our age have more learning then ever Ergo more wisedome I denied his antecedent replying Quod efficit tale majus est tali meaning the Auncients who were our Masters aledging Chaucer Whence commeth this new Corne men have from yeare tâ— yeare Out of old fields old men saith And whenâ—e commeth this new learning that men teere Out of old fields in good faith Secondly The Inventions of latter times farre excelled those of former I denied that also He instanced Guns PRINTING Watches Wind-mills c. Against these as rare I opposed Archimedes his Burning-glasses wherwith he fired Marcellus ships from Syraecusa the perpetually burning Lampe made of the Spirit of Gold malleable Glasse Dying of that highly estemed Purple that rare manner of guilding called Pyropus mentioned in Plinie wherewith those round balles on the top of the Romane houses shone like fire with many other which are lost and forgotten Surveior And I am perswaded wee have had many rare Inventions even heere in England which are forgotten or quite out of use Yes quoth the Vicar foure especially Daggers Flat-caps French-hoods and Cod-peeces But heere wee brake of our discourse beeing at the Taverne dore the period of our Iourney FINIS The end of Travell The benefit this land hath by Strangers Powel a Welch-man one of Sedans mâ—n The Amazons fought on horsebacke with Bowes aâ—d Arrowes their Semitars A merrie tale of Mackerell In a funerall Elegie uâ—on the Câ—uâ—tesse of Warwick latelie Printed Paule Tomorree going to the young Kiâ—g lying at Vicegâ—ade to complaine of the Frier used Coaches first being so called fâ—om a towne where they were made whence they had there name Kotâ—ze * A Lady that rob'd in her Coach by the Hie-way Mary are carried in their Coaches to execution Beere and vlols de gamba came into EnglaÌ„d both in one yeere Bâ—itaÌ„ni potus genus habent quod Alicam vocant Plini Lucan * Let common Schoolemasters observe this who take Pyropus in Ovid for a Carbuncle or great Rubie