which the wisest men neuer knewe their doings is like smoke in the Sun so y t their Southsaying may rather be termed false saying and we cānot compare it better then to a good wife y t somtime caried a pale of milke to the market thinking to sell it as pleased her making her reckoning thus First she would sell her milk for ij d with this ij d buy xij egs which she wold set to brood vnder a hen she would haue 12. Chickons these chykons being growne vp she would kerue them and by that meanes they should be capons these capons would be worth being yong fiue pence a piece that is iust a crowne with the which she would buye two pigs a Sow a Boare and they growing great would bring forth twelue others the which she would sell after she had kéept them a while for fiue grotes a piece that is iust twentie shillings Thē she would buie a Mare that would bring foorth a faire Foale the which would grow vp be so gentill and faire y t he would playe skip leape and fling and crie we he he he after euery beast that should passe by and for the ioye she conceyued of her suppossed coult in her iollitie counterfeiting to show his lustynesse her pale of milcke fell downe of her head and was all spilt there laie her egs her chikons her capons her pigs her mare her coulte and al vppon the ground Euen so these Southsaiers after y t they haue furnished burnished blotted and spotted loutted and floutted putrefied and corrupted promised and not performed their best boxe being broken they maie goe counte with this good Wife ¶ Of King Salomon that made the Philosophicall stone the cause why these Southsayers cannot preuaile in their doinges THE cause why South-sayers Witches Wissardes cannot bring all there matters to passe as they would all the world doth not know but Marie the Prophetisse showeth the cause why in a Booke that she hath made of the greate excellencie and knowledge of the art exhorting the Philosophers and giuing them courage not to dispaire and she saith that the Philosophers stone is so worthie and so precious that amongst other her wonderfull vertues and excellences she hath power to commaūd Sprites and whosoeuer hath it he may binde loose warrant torment martyr helpe out of prison goe through boltes and lockes to be shorte he may iuggle playe with both handes and doe what he list if he know how to vse his fortune It is so saith she that Salomon had the perfection of this stone and knew by diuine inspiration the great and woonderful propertie of the same which was to constraine the Deuils as we haue saide And therefore so soone as he had made it he concluded to make all the spirites come and appeare before him but first he caused to bee made a Caldron of Brasse of a woonderfull and huge greatnes for it was nothing lesse then all the whole circuite of the Forrest of Sherborn but that it wanted halfe a foote or there about it is all a matter we wil not striue for a litle mary ye must note that it must be somewhat rounder and it was néedful to be so great for to serue that turne that he minded And after the same maner he caused to be made a couer so closse and iuste as was possible And also in like manner he caused a hole to be made and cast in the ground large and déepe inough for to burie his Caldron When hee had prepared all these thinges hee made to come before him by vertue of the stone all the Spirites that were dispersed in this world litle and great beginning with the Emperoures of the foure corners of the earth then he made the Kinges to come Dukes Earls Barrons Lordes Knights Esquires Captaines heads of Bandes pettie Captaines Soldiours a foote and on horseback to great numbers When they were all come Salomon commaunded them by the vertue aforesaid y t they should all goe into that said pan that was buried in the ground The Spirites could not gainesay but were faine to goe in but ye may wel thinke that it was with great griefe So soone as they were all in Salomon caused the couer to be set on and glued fast with the glue of Sapience and therein leauing the Deuills caused it also to bee couered with earth vntill the hole was filled vp with whom his minde and purpose was that the world should be no more infected that men might afterward liue in peace and tranquillitie and that all vertue and godlinesse might raigne vppon the earth And it came to passe presently after that that men began to bee merrie and glad content liuelie gallant frollirke gentle amiable and pleasant O how all thinges went forward The earth brought foorth all manner of fruite without mans labour the Wolues did not deuoure the Cattell the Lyons Tigers and wilde Boares were as tame as other Beastes to bee shorte all the earth séemed a Paradise whilest these Runnigate Deuills were inclosed in this déepe Dongeon But what happened after a long time as Kingdomes chaunce to chaunge the Townes Citties decay and new are builded so there was a Kinge who had a great desire to builde a Cittie and Fortune wold that it came into his head to raise it in the proper place whereas these Deuils were inclosed This Kynge set people on woorke for to make this Cittie the whiche he would haue mightie strong and inuincible and therfore it required a terrible and déepe foundations to make the walles herevpon the Pyonners digged so lowe that one amongst the reste discouered the Caldron wherein these spirites were who after y t he had stricken vpon it and that his companions did perceiue it thought they should haue bene made riche for euer y t there was hidden some inestimable Riches But it was not in their power to breake it open of a sodaine for besides y e greatnes it was out of measure thicke and therefore it was necessary that the King should know therof Who when he had séene it thought euen as the Pyoners did for who would euer haue thought that deuils were therin when it was thought that there was none in the world for in long time before there was no talk of them This King did well remember that the Kings his predecessors had infinite riches so as he could not iudge but that they had buried and hid therein some greate treasure and that it was appointed him of destenie to finde it out and to enioy that wealth that he might be the richest King in the worlde To conclude he set as many men of woorke as there was about the Caldrō at the first and whilest they were battering and beating vppon it to get it open the Deuils were at their watch listening and geuing care what it should be so y t they could not tell what to thinke whether they should be had out to hanging or that their
to be a profounde learned Clarke The Norman was very glad to heare these tidinges so that he would in all hast knowe what were these three wordes Frend saide his Counseller so soone as thou art come before the Pope thou shalt fall downe on thy knées saying Salue sancte pater then hee will aske thée in Lattin Vnde es tu that is to say Of whence arte thou Thou shalt aunswere him De Normania then hee will aske thee Vbi sunt literae tuae thou shalte say to him In manica mea and presently without any delay he will commaund thou shalt be dispatched and then shalt thou come thy waies This Norman was neuer so iocund and merrie as nowe so that he remained fifteene or twentie daies with his frend to learne those thrée Lattin words and when he thought hee had learned them well he prepared himselfe to take his iourney to Rome And by the way he did nothing but repeate his Lattin Salue sancte pater De Normania In mansca meo but I thinke verely he said it so often and with such great affection that he forgat the first word Salue sancte pater and to sée the lucke of it he was wel forward on his way If the Norman was troubled truely it was no maruell for he knewe not to what Saint to make his vow to recouer again his wordes and he thought with himself to come before y e Pope without them was in vaine and also hee thought that it was not possible for him to find a man that could so faith fully instruct and teach him on the frend of his owne parish from whence he came Neuer was man so sorie as this poore man was vntil it chaunced vpon a Saturday in the morning that hee wente into a Church to praye whereas he vnderstood they began to sing a Masse of our Lady in note Salue sancta parens whereunto the Norman gaue eare now God be praised and our blessed Lady saide he here are good tidinges Neuer was man so glad as hee he caused the woords to be repeated by a clarke that was there kéeping them so well in memorie that hee forgat them no more and thus set forward on his way with his Lattin Salue sancta parens thinking himself the better y t euer he was borne At length he iourneyed so far that he came to Rome And you must note that in those daies it was not so daungerous to speake with the Pope as it is now Well when he was come thither he was had in before the Pope where he forgat not his reuerence vpō his knées saying vnto him Salue sancta parens The Pope said vnto him Ego non sum mater Christs the Norman aunswered De Normacia The Pope behold him and saide Demonium habes In manicae meo aunswered the Norman and with that he put his hande into his sléeue to pull out his letters The Pope began to be afrayde thinking hee would haue pulled the Deuill out of his sléeue but when he perceiued that they were letters he asked him again Quid petis But the Norman could goe no further for he was at the end of his lesson so that he answered nothing at all to the Pope In the end when that certaine of his owne nation perceiued what Countrey man hee was they began to question with him in his owne language whom he gaue to vnderstand knowe that he had learned but a litle Lattin in his countrey for his owne prouisiō and that he knew much good but he vnderstood not the way how to vse it ¶ Of Fowlke that made his Mayster beleeue that a poore man which came to him was deafe also made the man beleeue that his Mayster was deafe and how his Mayster was reuenged of him for it A Certaine Attorney in the Lawe kepte vnder him two or thrée Clarkes among the which there was one a wealthie mans sonne in Paris that was his Apprentise which put his sonne to the said Attorney to learne the skill of the Law This yong mans name was Fowlke about the age of sixtéene or seuentéene yeares verie vnhappie wild and full of play Nowe according to the custome of such houses Fowlke did alwayes the arrants and busines amongst which one was that he went always to the gate when any body knocked for to know the parties that did waite for his maister and to knowe their request to make reporte thereof to his Maister There was a certain man that had a suite at Chastelet and had taken Fowlkes Maister for his Attorney came oftentimes to visite him and also because he would haue the more frendship shewed him he broght with him somtimes Capons Conies Chickons and his vse was to come alwaies a little before noone at suche time as the Clarkes were at Dinner to whome Fowlke must open the gate and then carrie his Maister woorde and then to the gate againe to carrie him an aunswere that before Fowlke could go in and out and dispatch the matter his Dinner was verie light and on the other side his Mayster had no great respect of him for he would send him abroad into the Cittie at all houres of the daye at which Fowlke was sore gréeued Vpon a time this honest man came againe to the gate at the houre accustomed whome Fowlke knewe by his knocking when hee had knocked thrée or foure times he wente and opened him the gate in going he thought to play him a cast of legerdemain because he came alwaies at dinner time and he thought his Maister should haue parte Hauing opened the gate how now good man said he what say you I would speak with your maister quoth he concerning my suite Well said Fowlke tell me yoor mind and I will certefie him No said the good man I must speake with him my selfe well then saide Fowlke I will goe tell him that you are here In he goeth to his Maister and told him that such a man would speake with him bid him come in then sayd the Attorney Sir saide Fowlke he is become deafe or at the least he cannot well heare you must speake loude ynough if you will haue him to vnderstand Well saide his maister I will speake loude enough Fowlke goeth then to the man and saide vnto him come in good man speake vnto my maister but wot you what there is fallen a disease into my maisters eares so that he is become almost deafe when you speake to him you must speake to him aloude or els hee can not heare you This béeing done Fowlke goeth to make an ende of his Dinner and in his going said to himselfe our maister and yonder mā will not nowe I trow talke in counsell The good man commeth into the chamber whereas the Attorney was and saluted him saying God giue you good morrow sir so loude that a man might haue hearde him all the house ouer The Attorney saide vnto him as loude welcome frende what newes with
played youthfull prankes with the Brittanish Maydes which are of a good inclination that waye as the talke goeth But to our matter When they were come to the Gentlemans house they beheld the countenances of the thrée Gentlewomen euery one his and founde them all fresh faire and pleasaunt and also wise and well spoken Wel the mariage was concluded al things prepared But she night before the wedding should be the Father called his three Daughters aside into a chamber and said vnto them these woordes Ye know what fault you haue al thrée committed and what paine you haue put me vnto if I had beene of the nature of these rigorous cruell heard hearted fathers I had cast you off and you shoulde neuer haue enioied any of my goods but for my part you see I had rather redresse thinges that are amisse then to put you to shame my self in perpetuall trouble through your follies I haue here brought for ech of you a husbaÌ„d therefore prepare your selues to make muche of them cherishe them and plucke vp good heartes you shall haue no harme If they happen to perceiue or spie anie thinge by any of you to your owne perill bee it neuerthelesse you haue as yet done theÌ„ no offence And therfore hencefoorth take héede to your selues and gouerne your selues so that there may be found no fault in your doings and I promise you for my parte that I will both forget and forgiue all faults past And besides all this I assure you she that can giue vnto her Husband the best aunswere to please him the first night beeing in bed together shoulde haue for her part two hundreth Crownes more then the others now therefore go your wayes and remember my woordes After these wholesome admonitions he wente to bed and his Daughters also being nothing obliuious in this matter The Brydal day was the nexte morrow they went to the Church and were maryed earlie in the Morning There was great cheare with dauncing and leaping about the house which beeing paste the heddes were made wherein the Brides were brauely laid vnto whom their husbands shortly after came what time the eldest sporting with his new bedfellow and féeling her bellie verie lancke merely put foorth these spéeches I doubt my beloued the birds be fled and gone vnto whom she presently replied keepe you then in the nest The second sisters husband handling her feeling her bellie hard and round began thus how now Wise the barne is alreadie full beate then at the gate quoth thee The thirde sisters husband in sporting himselfe in like sort and finding his wife skilfull in y e game presently spoke in this maner I perceiue the way was beaten before the damsell aunswered you maye the better finde the path The night beeing past and the day come they came all three before their father declared vnto him what had chaunced and what was their aunswers now would I know to which of the thrée he ought to giue the CC. Crownes If therefore your skill be so good declare the truth of this difficult matter ¶ Of a certain man in Pickardy that withdrew his wife from her disordinate loue through the admonition that he gaue her in the presence of her parents THere was in times past a Kinge in Fraunce whose name we do not well know although we did yet shoulde it bée secrete because of this matter whereof we meane to speake Neuerthelesse it is saide that he was a good Kinge and worthie of the Crowne he would bende his eare to heare the talke as well of the poore as of the rich for thereby he vnderstood the truth of things which cannot bée so wel when one goeth by heare say but to the purpose This good king would walke thorow the countreyes of his kingdome and many times would go into the Citties and Townes in a disguised garment to vnderstande the trueth and order of thinges Vppon a day he thought to visite the countrey of Pickardy in his royall person notwithstanding vsing many times his accustomed priuatnes béeing at Soyssons he sent for the chéefest of the towne and caused them to sit downe with him at his Table in token of great curtesie requesting them very gently to rehearse and tel some stories eyther merie tales or such as were graue and sad Amongst others there was one that began to declare to the King this story following And it like your grace saide he it came to passe not longe since in one of the townes of Pickardy y â— a certaine Iustice who liueth yet buryed his wife after they had liued together a good season And because he lyked so well the first he had a desire to marble the second time and tooke to wife a Mayden fresh and faire come of a good kindred yet notwithstaÌ„ding she was not equall to him eyther in goods or in quallities for he was of good yeares and halfe spent and she in the floure of her youth wanton and full of pleasure so that hee was not able to satisfy her youth according to her desire for when she began to haue a litle tast of the ioyes and pleasures of this world she felt quickly that her husband did but set her a longing And although hée gaue her good entertainment aswell in her apparell in faire woordes and showing to her a merie countenaunce neuerthelesse all this serued but to set fire in the â—ow so that at the laste it flamed out in suche sorte that she determined with her selfe to borrow of some other that which her Husband wanted to performe At the last she found out a newe Louer with whom she vsed her pleasure for a time but not contente with him shee got an other and then an other so that in short time she had such a company that they hindred one an other comming in vnto her bothe at lawfull and vnlawfull houres to take their pleasure on her by which meanes she had layde aside the remembraunce of her honour geuing her selfe wholy to her lust and pleasure In the mean time her husband knew nothing or at the least if he did he armed himselfe with patience being content to beare the penaunce of his owne follie because that his yeares being more then halfe spent he had so vnaduisedly taken to wyfe a mayd of so young and tender yeares Well this traine continued so long till it was coÌ„monly talkeÌ„d on in the towne in euerie mans mouth wherewith his frendes were gréeued so sore that one of them could not refraine but came and told him thereof declaring vnto him the rumor noyse that was spred abroad so that if he did not prouide a remedie he would giue occasion vnto all the world to thinke that he was content withall and in the end all his frendes would despise and forsake his company and he should be abhorred of all honest men When he vnderstood the talke of his frend hée made a signe of gret displeasure and sorow as one
thee Then they entered into talke concerning the mans matter but they talked out so loude one against an other as if they had lost one another in a wood When they had well debated the matter on both sides the good man taketh hir leaue of the Attorney and goeth his waye Within certaine daies after this good man came againe but it was at suche time as Fowlke was abroade in the Cittie about businesse that his Maister had sent him The honest man went in and did his duetie to his Attorney demaunding of him how he did He aunswered that he was in health Ha Sir said this good man God be praised y t you are no more deafe the last time that I was heere we were faine to speake aloude but nowe I perceiue that you canne heare well thanked be God The Attorney was abashed at his saying nay quoth he haue you recouered your hearing It is you that was deafe The man aunswered vnto him that he was neuer deafe but that he heard alwayes very well then the Attorneye perceiued well that it was one of Fowlkes knauish deuises but he found y e meanes to recōpence it again For vpon a day when that he had sent him into the Cittie Fowlke forgate not to take the Tennys Court in his way the which was not farre frō his Maisters house as he was accustomed most times to do whē he was sent abroade the which his Maist. knew full well and also had found him there many tymes as he went by knowing well y t he should finde him there he went to a Barbar that dwelled hard by praying him to prouide him a good new Rod ready and tould him for what purpose he would haue it When he thought his man Fowlke had played so long that he did sweate and was in a great heate he came into the Tennys Court and called Fowlke that had banded all ready his parte of two dosen of bauls and was playing at double or quit when his Maister saw him so red in such a heate well ye knaue said he leaue of thou spoylest thy selfe if thou chaunce to be sick thy Father will laye y e blame in me and there vpon comming out of the Tennys he caused him to go into the Barbars to whome he said Gossep I pray you lend me a shirt for this yong mā y t is alone a sweate and cause him to be rubbed Good God said the Barber marrie Sir he had néede otherwise he should be in a daunger of a pleuresie They caused Fowlke to goe into a backe shop and made him to put of his clothes before a fire that was kindled to cloake the matter and in y e meane time the rods were prepared for poore Fowlke that would haue bin contented to haue escaped without a cleane shirt Whē his clothes were of these cursed rods were brought wherwith he was well whypped both backe bellye al about And in yerking of him his M. said how now Fowlke how likest thou this pastime I was the other daye deafe but I shall make you daunse after a new fashion how say ye is it good playing y e foole with your Maister But GOD knoweth Fowlke was blancke and learned by this that it was not good mocking his Maister any more ¶ Of a Doctor of degree that was so sore hurte with an Oxe that he could not tell in which leg it was THere was vppon a tyme a certaine Doctor ryding through the stréets towards the Schools who met in the way by chaunce a Companie of Oxen y t a Butchers Boye did driue one of y t which Oxen came so néere to M. Doctor that he touched his gowne as he passed vpō his Mule wherwithall he being sore afraid cried out a loude help my Maisters helpe this Oxe hath killed me I am dead at this crie y e People came running together thinking by his crye y t he was greuously hurte one kept him vpon the one side another on the other side vpon his Mule and amongst his great cryes he called his seruant who was named Cornellius come hether said he goe thy waies to the Schooles tell them y t I am dead an Oxe hath killed me and y t I cannot come to make my lecture The Students were sore troubled to heare these newes and so were the other Doctors wherupon they apointed some to go sée him which found him laide a long vppon a bed and the Surgeon by him that had his rolling bandes his ayle his ointements his whiles of egs all his ymplements necessarie in such a chaūce M. Doctor complained on his right leg so sore y t he could not indure to haue his hose pulled of but that it must néeds be ripped Whē y e Surgeon had séen his bare leg he found no skin broken nor brused nor no appearance of hurt although that M. Doctor cried stil I am dead my fréend and when y e Surgeon did touch it with his hād he cried the lowder thou killest me thou killest me And where is it y t it greeneth you most said the Surgeon dost thou not sée said he how an Oxe hath killed mée and askest thou me where my paine lyeth then the Surgeon asked him is it here Sir no quoth he nor here no neither to be short it could not be found Oh good God said the Doctor what a paine is this y t these Folkes cannot finde where my paine lyeth is it not swollen said he to the Barber no Sir said he It must néeds be thē said the Doctor y t it is in the other leg for I know wel enough that y e Oxe did strike me on one of my legs There was no remedy but y e other hose must be pulled of y e leg serched but there was asmuch harm as in y e first leg Good Lord quoth the Doctor this Surgeō hath no skill go fetch me another Whē he was come could find nothing the Doctor began to wōder saying this is a straung matter y t such a great Oxe should strike me do me no harme thē calling his man he said come hether Cornelius whē the oxe did hurt me in which leg was it was it not in this nexte the wall Ita Domine said his Seruant then quoth he it must néeds be in this leg and so I said at the first but they thought I mocked thē The Surgeon perceiuing y t M. Doctor had no harme but only was afraid for to content his minde he gaue it a litle ointmēt bound his leg with a cloth saying vnto him that y e dressing would serue at that time and afterward saide he Maister Doctor when you can tell me in which leg it is another salue shalbe laid vnto it ¶ A comparison of South-sayers and Tellers of fortune to the good wife that caried a pale of milcke to the Market THe cōmon talke of Southsayers tellers of fortune is to promise great riches saying they know the secrets of nature
if that he had an other name it should be better for him for they crie after him Philpot Philpot and you knowe Sir what a grief it is vnto one when he is scorned and mocked I would desire you and it were your pleasure to giue him another name Now ye shal note that the Cardinal himself was named Phillip Truely good wife said he it is euill done of them to call your Sonne Philpot we must sée a remedy for it but you shall vnderstande said he I would not take the name of Phillip from him but I will haue him to kéepe the name for my sake because I am of that name And therfore I will giue him my name and I will take his so that hereafter I wilbe called Philpot. And whosoeuer miscalleth thy Son otherwise theÌ„ Phillip come and tell me and I will giue thée leaue to take an action against them how say you are you not so content thou will not be offended that thy Sonne be called after my name In good faith my Lord quoth she you doe for vs more then we shalbe euer able to deserue and therfore I praye God of his grace to send you long life and HeaueÌ„ for your méede The good wife went her way very well pleased and content to haue had so good an answere of the Bishop and tould all her Neighbours what my Lorde had done for her After this the said Cardinal that had a delight to repeate such stories would name himself Philpot for pleasure and said that his name was no more Phillip so that often tymes he was called Philpot wherat he would laugh after the manner of Augustus Caesar who loued to Iest many tymes and be content to be iested withall as appeareth by this common talke of him and of a young man that came to Rome who was in face so like Themperour that there was no difference to discerne betweene them and was looked at and vewed of all the People of the Cittie Wherof Augustus hauing knowledge said vnto him vppon a time tell me young man hath your Mother byn at any tyme in the Cytie of Rome The yongmaÌ„ that vnderstood wel the Emperours meaning aunswered and it like your maiestie my Mother came neuer yet to this Cittie as I haue hard her say but my Father hath bin here diuerse sundry times so y t by this aunswere he gaue vnto Augustus that which Augustus thought to haue layed vpon him For it was no more vnpossible that the yongmans Father mighte haue knowen Augustus Mother then the Emperour to haue béene acquainted with the young-mans mother neither did the same Emperour take it in anger when Virgill called him a Bakers Son because y e first tyme that he knew him he would distribute loaffes of bread for gifts and presents but afterwardes he gaue him many other rich and good gifts ¶ Of a young-man of Parys newely marryed and how that Beaufort fownd a craftie meanes to take his pleasure of his wife notwithstanding the diligent and carefull watch and keeping of Dame Parnet A Certaine Man of Paris after that he had frequented the Vniuersity to small profit gaue ouer his studie and went and dwelled in the Citie where he remained for a certaine tyme without a Wife béeing content so to liue wanting no kinde of pleasure that he could wish or desire and also women although there be no such at Paris to be had of which he hauing knowne the craftes and subteltyes in many Cuntreyes and hauing himselfe vsed them to his owne vse he did not greatly force to marrie a Wife fearing this cursed and commoÌ„ mischiefe to be made a Coockolde and had it not béene for the desire he had to sée him self a Father and to haue an heire of his owne bodie he could haue byn contented to haue kept him self a Bacheller still But he being a maÌ„ subiect to the flesh thought it best notwithstanding to marrie and take a wife and that rather betyme then to late and partly because he thought he knew how to vse her aswell as the most meÌ„ and also he did remember again that nothing causeth a man so soone to be made a Coockolde as the imperfection and vnablenes that the woman findeth in her Husband Moreouer he did kéepe in memorie and also in writing the deceites fraudes and guiles that woman dayly vse for to haue and enioy their pleasure he knew the goinges and commings that these olde wiues make from house to house vnder the coulor to bring shread linneÌ„ wrought works dainties littell dogs and such knackes he knew how women doe conterfeit sicknesse make their walkings to Orchards and gardins howe they speake to their louers that come in maskes and howe they get them selues fauour vnder the shadowe of kindred and acquaintaunce also he hâ—â—ed Boccas and Celestinus And of all these thinges 〈◊〉 thought to take héede and beware thinking this in him selfe I would do the best that I can to keepe me from hornes and as for other chaunces let them hap as they may So then among the Damsells and Virgins of Paris where he did remaine he did chuse one to his minde that was wel nurtered sober wise and handsome wherin he failed not of his purpose for he married one that was faire rich and of a good kindred whome he brought home to his owne inheritaunce Nowe he kept in his house a woman of good years that had béene his Nurse and that had alwayes dwelled in y â— house named Dame Parnet béeing one that was subtill and warie in all affaires which Woman he did present vnto his Wyfe at her comming to the house saying vnto her louing wife I am greatly behoulding to this Woman that you sée here she was my Nurse and hath done good seruice to my Father and mother and to me after them I giue her therfore vnto you to kéep you Companie she hath béene very well brought vp I doubt not but she will please you well And then secretly he charged Dame Parnet to giue attendaunce vpon his Wife at all times and for nothing to forsake her Companie vpon his displeasure whither so euer she went the which she promised faithfully to do But this much may I say by the way that there is an vnhappy prouerbe I cannot tell who did inuent it but it is very common casta quam nemo rogauit I wil not say that it is true but leaue it as it is yet I dare say that there is no faire womaÌ„ but hath béene or shalbe assalted Well I am not faire wil some say nor I neither will another saye I am content it be so because I loue no strife but this be sure a Woman that is wyse and wily will take héede to tell that she hath béene sued vnto by any specially to her Husband for if he be wise he will thinke of his wife that if she had giuen no occasion she should not haue bin required but to come to my tale It came to passe
I know what all sciences are and in pointing his finger to his head he would say my Frend if thou wilt haue any GraÌ„mer it is here within if thou wilt haue any Rethorick it is here also if thou wilt haue Philosophie it is here likewyse for Logicke I feare not a Doctor in all the Vniuersitie and yet with in these thrée yeares I knewe nothing notwithstanding you heare and sée howe I doe preach But God giueth his graces to whom it pleaseth him Nowe so it was that Maister Iohn Pontalais had somwhat to play there that daye in the after noone who knew what maner of man the Fryer was He made his showes thorow the Town and it fel so out that he must néedes passe by the Church where this Fryer was preaching M. Iohn Pontalais according to his custome sounded vp his Drom at the end of the stréete that was right ouer against the Churche and caused it so sounde verie longe and loude of purpose to make this Fryer hold his peace to the end that the people should come foorth for to heare his playe But it would not serue for the more hee made his Drum to sound the louder was the Fryer and so they striued who should haue the maistery The Fryer was in a pelting chafe and spake by the aucthoritie of a bald pate aloude saying go some and cause the drum to cease but for all that no body went vnlesse it were to looke vppon him that made his Drum sounde more and more When the Fryer perceiued he would not leaue off drumming and that no bodie came back againe to bring an aunswere truely said he I will go my selfe and so he came downe from the Pulpit desiring the pâ—ople to stay vntill hee came againe When he was in the stréete in a great chafe he began to say to Pontalais who made thée so bold to sound thy Drum before the Church doore whilest I am preaching Pontalais beheld him and said And who made thee so bold to preach whilest I am playing on my Drum The Fryer beeing offended here with tooke his seruauntes knife that stoode by him and thrust into the Drum making a great slitte in it and so went backe a-againe to the Church to make an ende of his Sermon Pontalais toke his drum and running after him whelmed it on his heade like a high Almaines hat but that yt was somewhat greater wherwithall the Fryer euen in that case hee was would néedes goe vp into the Pulpit to shew the iniury and wrong done to him how y e word of God was disdained But the people laughed so hartely séeing him couered with the Drum that he could haue no audience but was constrained to holde his peace for they said it was no wise part to contend against a foole that did not eare what mischiefe he did him ¶ Of Mistris Furrier that lodged a Gentleman at large IT is not longe time since there was a Gentlewoman of a good desire that was named Mistris Furrier who somtimes followed the Court which she did when her Husband was in some quarter But for the most part she kept at Paris and ther found she customers for her turne for Paris is a paradise for women a hel for mens Horses and a Purgatorye for those that followe suits of Law Vpon a day wheÌ„ she was in the same Cittie before the doore of her lodging there passed by a gentleman with a frend of his to whom he said alone as hee came by Mistrisse Furrier because he would be heard by God if I had such a beast to ride on this night I think I should by tomorrowe morning be well forward on my iourney Mistris Furrier hearing the Gentleman say so whom she found to her minde for he was lustie called a litle halfepennie boy that was by her goe thy wairs said she and follow yonder same Gentleman that thou séest and lose him not vntill thou séest where he goeth in and then do so muche that thou maiest speake with him and say vnto him that the Gentlewoman that he saw at such a lodging euen now as he came by hath her commended to him and if that hee will take the paines to come vnto her this euening she wil prepare him a baÌ„quet betwéen eight and nine of the clocke The Gentleman did accept the message and sent back word that he would come at y â— houre appointed Ye must note that their two lodgings was not far the one froÌ„ the other The gentleman came at his time and found Mistris Furrier tarrying for him she bid him welcome and made him a banquet they talked together and the meane while the bed was made in which the Gentleman laid him downe according to the agréement made betwene them Mistris Furryer came to bed to him the Gentleman séeing his horse readie failed not to do his diligence for the spéedie attaining of his iourney but notwithstanding his great courage he was tired in shorte time before his hackney was any thinge hot in so much he was constrained to leaue his stéede in the stable and go his way The next day or certain daye after Mistris Furrier that had alwaies some errantes in the Citie met the Gentleman whom she saluted saying vnto him God morrow Sir with deux and ace The GeÌ„tleman béeing abashed saide vnto her Mistris Furrier if the Tables had beene good I had made two trayes Neuertheles you lodged me yesternight at large It is true Sir said she but I did not know that you had so small a traine ¶ Of a Gentleman that had ridden post and of a Cocke that could not tread the Hens THere was sometime a certaine Gentleman which had bene absent from his house a long season at the last finding opportunitie hee came home to see his Wife who was young faire and pleasant he tooke post a two days iourney from his place where he arriued verie late when his Wife was in bed he laide him downe by her who incontinently awaked béeing verie glad of companie hoping verely to haue had some good turne y t night But her ioy was soone turned for her HusbaÌ„d self him selfe so wearie with riding Poste that for all the ioy and pleasure she made him he continued still drowsie without proffering her any pleasure whereof he did excuse him saying Lady y e great loue that I had toward you hath caused me to hasten to sée you and I haue ridden poste all the way longe therefore consideryng I am wearie sore beaten with riding I pray you excuse me for this time The Gentlewoman sounde not this to her mind for some that haue experience say there is nothing gréeueth a Woman more then to be depriued of such pastime Neuerthelesse the Lady tooke patience perforce and had no other thing for that night but rising vp early in y e morning from her Lord let him take his rest With in an houre or two after he rose and in making him readie came and