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city_n call_v great_a sea_n 5,787 4 6.2287 4 false
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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A18367 The Booke of bulls, baited with two centuries of bold jests, and nimble-lies, or, A Combat betweene sence and non-sence, being at strife who shall infuse most myrth into the gentle-reader a treatise in variety of pleasure second to none ever yet printed in the English-tongue : wherein is contained nothing alreadie published / collected by A.S. Gent. Chamberlain, Robert, b. 1607.; A. S. 1636 (1636) STC 4941.5; ESTC S3430 50,005 286

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King will give me an Angell A Lie ONe vowed that on Salisbury-plaine hee started a Hare and having a swift Horse under him coursed her gave her twenty turnes at length his Horse being weary and hee vexed that hee could not tire her threw his Hatte at her which lighting just before her she ran into and turned over and over in it so long that hee had leisure to light from his Horse and take her up Of an old Man and a Boy AN old Man bringing his Sonne to be Catechized against Easter the Minister told him he thought he needed instruction as well as his Sonne saying withall that hee did not beleeve that he knew as old as hee was who made him and thereupon put that question to him the old Man answering nothing the Minister said It is a shame that at these yeeres you should bee ignorant of what concernes you so much your child knowes better then you Marry I thinke so replied the old man for hee is but newly made and may well remember it but fourescore yeeres are past since I was made A Lie A Dutch Admirall telling a lowd lie before the States was seconded with a lowder by one of his Captaines who being rebuked by one of the States for broaching so notorious an untruth he answered I doe but my dutie in following my Admirall Of a Gentlewoman who sung out of time and tune A Gentlewoman having a very bad voyce and singing both out of time and tune was told by one of her Auditors that shee sung most heavenly who being accused by a friend then present of grosse flattery hee said I spake most properly in saying shee sang most heavenly since there is no time in heaven nor in her singing A Lie A Notable Cheat asked for Ashes ten pounds a peck and being asked why hee sold them so deare hee swore they were the Ashes of those Coles that burnt Saint Laurence Of a Thiefe A Thiefe being arraigned and asked what hee said to his accusation Marry replied he it is a foule matter and I desire to heare no more of it The same Rogve swore hee would bind the Judge to the Peace because he stood in feare of his life by his meanes A Lie A Notorious Liar said hee saw a Stone falling from Heaven and that it was fifteene yeeres in comming downe and that hee never slept all that while and that hee could see as well in the night as the day Of a Fart ONe beeing asked what of all things was the most merry answered a Fart for that doth nothing but sing from its birth to its death A Lie A Faulkner affirmed with many oathes that he kil'd a hundred birds at one shoot and all in the eye Of a Three-penny-Ordinary A Fellow being at a Three-penny-Ordinary the servant brought him a very little peece of mutton in a great platter of pottage which done he went for Bread and Beere At his returne hee found the man starke naked and wondring at it ask't him the reason why hee stript himselfe in such cold wether Marry replied he if you had not come in as you did I had swomme to the Mutton for without swimming it is impossible ever to come at it A Lie ONe swallowed a Larkes Claw whole and feeling a week after an extreame paine in one of his sides and wondring what it should bee hee swore he espied the Claw comming forth Of a Woman in Labour A Scholler lying in a Midwifes house and seeing her on a time going out asked her whither shee was going to whom shee answered that shee was going to a Womans Labour She returning some two houres after he asked her if the Woman was brought to bed I or no to which she answered no then replied he you come from the Labour in Vaine A Lie A Fellow swore by no small ones that hee ran a Grayhound Bitch great with whelpe at a Hare who taking a hedge and the Bitch making after her shee lighted on a stake which rent her belly up and that the whelps that were in her wombe ranne after the Hare and kill'd her I loved said he this Bitch so well that I made me a paire of Buskins of her skinne which had the power to indue mee with such swiftnesse that if at any time a Hare started in my presence I could not rest till I caught her Of a Glutton A Glutton wished at a great Feast that hee had beene created a Cow rather then a man for a man said hee can eate but three or foure times a day at most whereas a Cow chewed her Cudde and eate continually The same beast wished that if hee went to Heaven when he died he might be wound up by a Jack A Lie A Fisher-man affirmed that he drew up an Eele in his Net as big as the Towne May-pole and called his man to witnesse who said it was hardly so bigge but swore it was full as long A Lie A Traveller praising the Citie of Venice and being questioned by one of the company concerning some particular places of that Citie he said truly Sir I only passed through it Post and the other objecting that no man could passe there by Horse but that all men went by Bote hee replied that hee rid through it in a great frost when the Sea was frozen A Lie A Fowler maintained that hee kill'd three hundred Snipes at a shoot A Lie A Keeper swore hee shot off a Bucks right foot and left eare at a shoot beeing asked how hee could possibly doe it he answered that the Buck was lying and scratching his left eare with his right foot when he shot him Of an Ape Carrier AN Ape Carrier before a great concourse of people asked his Ape what hee would doe for the King of England Whereat the Ape scipped See Gentlemen said hee How the poore dumbe thing leapeth for joy at the very Name of the English King Hee then demanded what hee would doe for the Pope wherupon the Ape couched close and grinned You may see by this noble spectators said hee that the ingenious beast is a good Protestant He thought by this to catch his silly audience but was caught himself and soundly beaten Of a Protestant and a Papist A Lare French Protestant in birth and knowledge equally great confuted whole swarmes of Monkes that came to convert him They finding themselves too weake by Disputation betooke them to corruption and so by promotion made him a Convert Not long after a Papist encountring a Protestant in the street upbraided him thus You see now Sir the excellency and force of the Catholicke Religion in that it is able to convince the most knowing and eminent man on your side To which the other made this reply Rather you may discerne by this the clearenesse of our Religion and how farre in value it surpasseth yours in that you were faine to give boote Of two Gentlemen and an Hostesse TWo Gentlemen being in a Taverne bespake of the Hostesse
a posie the sixt Commandement Thou shalt not commit Adultery Of one that called the Pope Antichrist A Distracted Schismaticall fellow comming to Rome and seeing the Pope ride in pompe cried out to him Thou art the Antichrist for which incivillitie hee was forth with carried to the house of Inquisition and the next day was conveighed thence to bee burnt as an Heretick When he came to the stake and saw the combustible stuffe prepared to burne him hee ask't his Ghostly Father who endeavoured his conversion whether or no it were not yet too late to make his retractation who answered that the Popes mercy had no limits and offered in case he was serious to make a triall of the power hee had with his Holinesse The Delinquent accepted of his curteous offer and presently the Friar departed and not long after returned with his conditionary pardon Hee no sooner arrived but the offender made a publick recantation with great submission whereat the Friar much wondring ask't why he did not retract his damnable opinions before which had hee done he had saved himselfe from that publick disgrace To this he repli'd that he was resolv'd to die till he saw the fire which much terrified him for said hee I came into the world a poore rawe thing and would be loath to goe out r●sted Of a Woman and her Daughters ugly alike A Merry companion passing under a windowe by chance look't up and espied three or foure ugly Women looking out and he presently made an inquiry who they were and was told that they were one Mistresse Fowler and her Daughters whereat hee laughing said their names are well fitted to their persons they having degrees of deformitie for there are amongst them fowler and fowler and fowler Of Knights o th' Post A Country Clown complaining to one that his witnesses were not come up to the Terme a stander by told him that he might find in the Temple Church Knights of the Post who for money would sweare any thing Hee having hired two of these and brought them into an open Court the Judge asked him if hee had brought good witnesses yes that I have replied the simple fellow for they are both Knights which his false witnesses no sooner heard but they tooke a faire paire of heeles whereat hee ror'd out like a Bull and the Iudge commiserating his case and simplicitie gave him further time to bring in his witnesses Of a Formall Fellow A Formall fellow being a profest lover of propriety of speech was asked by one how old he was to whom hee answered I am three and three score and why said the other say you not threescore and three because said he I was three before I was threescore Of a Traveller A Gentleman told his sonne he would send him to travell to the end hee might understand himselfe The sonne in obedience to his command tooke his voyage but returned farre sooner then his Father intended hee should have done His Father demanding the reason of his so sudden returne he answered him thus Sir you sent me abroad onely to understand my selfe and that I already doe for I never understood any body else since my departure meaning that hee had not learnt one word of any forreigne language Of a witty Wench and her Lover A Yong Gentleman loved a beautifull and witty Gentlewoman but could not obtaine her Parents consent Whereupon hee being discontented went to travel and from Venice wrote his Mistresse a petionary letter that in requitall of his so constant love shee would vouchsafe to live yet seven yeeres unmarried To which earnest request of his shee answered that shee must needes grant any petition comming from such a Suter but withall intreated him to beleeve that if she maried sooner nay within a yeere it must beimputed to his absence which made one yeere seeme to her as long as seven Of laying ods TWo Gamsters contesting about a cast one of thē in great earnestnes told the other he would lay his head against a calves head on 't to which the other replied hee would not take that bet but if he would lay him any ods he would hold him Of a blind fellow playing upon a wheeled Cymball CErtaine Gentlemen being earnest at play in their In at Saint Albons they heard a fellow playing on a Cymball in the yard and asked one of their fellowes who had beene below who it was that made that noise to which hee answered that it was a blind fellow rosting Sellingers round Hee play'd indeed that Dance and wound his hand about as men usually doe in the turning of a Spitte Of a long Nose STrada reports that a fellow liv'd in his time whose nose was so long that hee could not heare himselfe sneeze Of a Gentleman and a Shrieve of London A Shrieve of London who was a good fellow and kept a brave table invighted a Gentleman to Supper The ●entleman sent him many thankes by his man excused his not comming alledging that the Shrieve used too much Maze with his meat a Spice which of all other his Master lov'd not The Shrieve being ingenious and apprehensive knew by this message that the Gentleman was in debt and having first discharged his Catchpoles sent fot him and feasted him royally Of a Silenc'd Minister who spake in the nose ONe hearing a silenc'd Minister speake in the nose askt his companion standing by the reason of it Foole said the other how should he speake otherwise then in the nose when the Bishoppe hath stopp'd his mouth Of a Puritans kneeeling to the Kings health A Certaine Major at his table beganne the Kings health on his knee on purpose to fetch a Puritan Alderman downe on his The Puritan contrary to all mens expectation pledg'd it on both knees and the Major demāding the reason why he kneeled on both knees he answered that he kneeled on one in honour of the King and on the other to aske God forgivenesse for so doing Of a blind Man DIvers Courtiers at Paris passing the new Bridge espied a blind Man with the balls of his eyes so faire that they suspected hee was a counterfeit A Duke amongst them being basely borne told them hee would make experiment of his truth for said hee if hee can see hee must needs know mee he daily sitting here and I daily passing by and being a man of eminency Whereupon hee went directly to the beggar and pulled him by the nose whereat the beggar roar'd out and cal'd him bastardly rogve My masters said the Duke he sees perfectly he could nere have known mee so well else But the man indeed was blind and this onely a vicious speech often in his mouth Of a Captaine and his Hostesse AN oblivious Captaine resident in Debelen having forsaken the Citie for feare of the Plague a weeke after his being in the Countrey remembred that hee had a hundred pound bagge under his beds-head Whereupon in post hast he returnes back and comming to his lodging findes