a_o confusion_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v by_o which_o i_o be_v again_o hinder_v from_o my_o duty_n be_v willing_a to_o try_v that_o doctrine_n i_o not_o have_v hear_v the_o like_o before_o it_o be_v full_a of_o entice_a word_n of_o man_n wisdom_n which_o i_o do_v with_o as_o much_o diligence_n try_v for_o some_o time_n examine_v the_o scripture_n about_o it_o as_o ever_o i_o do_v any_o doctrine_n but_o can_v find_v nothing_o in_o it_o but_o confusion_n a_o mere_a sound_n of_o word_n some_o of_o those_o big_a swell_a word_n of_o vanity_n speak_v of_o judas_n 16._o 2_o pet._n 2._o 18._o so_o through_o mercy_n i_o leave_v it_o and_o escape_v that_o snare_n which_o i_o desire_v to_o remember_v to_o the_o praise_n of_o god_n then_o i_o resolve_v to_o prosecute_v my_o former_a purpose_n in_o relation_n to_o those_o duty_n before_o mention_v yet_o still_o linger_a in_o babylon_n till_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o a_o stretched-out_a arm_n and_o clear_a voice_n to_o bring_v to_o my_o remembrance_n those_o word_n in_o the_o 22._o chapter_n of_o the_o act_n verse_n 6._o arise_v and_o be_v baptize_v why_o tarrye_v thou_o and_o as_o i_o remember_v for_o some_o day_n together_o whatever_o i_o be_v do_v those_o word_n be_v much_o in_o my_o thought_n than_o i_o begin_v to_o take_v particular_a notice_n of_o it_o apply_v it_o to_o my_o own_o condition_n whether_o i_o be_v able_a to_o give_v a_o reason_n why_o i_o tarry_v the_o lord_n have_v remove_v all_o my_o scruple_n and_o answer_v all_o my_o objection_n and_o speak_v of_o it_o to_o my_o husband_n who_o be_v then_o much_o in_o the_o same_o condition_n i_o remember_v we_o have_v some_o discourse_n about_o it_o and_o the_o result_n be_v that_o the_o next_o first_o day_n we_o will_v go_v to_o the_o church_n where_o we_o have_v often_o hear_v and_o declare_v what_o god_n have_v do_v for_o we_o in_o the_o great_a work_n of_o conversion_n desire_v also_o to_o obey_v he_o in_o all_o his_o command_n which_o according_o we_o do_v and_o give_v they_o full_a satisfaction_n and_o the_o week_n follow_v be_v baptize_v and_o add_v to_o the_o church_n be_v sweet_o satisfy_v and_o comfort_v therein_o and_o as_o for_o my_o former_a scruple_n i_o be_v trouble_v no_o more_o with_o they_o and_o in_o particular_a as_o to_o hear_n out_o of_o the_o church_n i_o never_o desire_v it_o since_o but_o god_n be_v please_v and_o still_o be_v to_o satisfy_v i_o with_o the_o fatness_n of_o his_o house_n feed_v i_o with_o green_a pasture_n there_o and_o sit_v under_o the_o shadow_n of_o christ_n his_o fruit_n be_v sweet_a to_o my_o taste_n which_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v be_v find_v so_o do_v as_o he_o have_v command_v until_o his_o second_o come_v some_o brief_a observation_n upon_o this_o four_o note_n of_o experience_n first_o concern_v those_o thought_n that_o though_o i_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v to_o be_v save_v yet_o i_o have_v much_o to_o do_v to_o glorify_v god_n etc._n etc._n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o as_o it_o be_v the_o duty_n of_o all_o that_o have_v receive_v the_o grace_n of_o god_n to_o be_v active_a for_o his_o glory_n so_o it_o be_v the_o nature_n of_o grace_n to_o teach_v and_o engage_v saint_n to_o do_v the_o same_o second_o concern_v my_o ignorance_n of_o baptism_n and_o other_o ordinance_n notwithstanding_o all_o my_o former_a experience_n in_o point_n of_o faith_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o person_n may_v have_v much_o experience_n in_o point_n of_o privilege_n and_o yet_o be_v ignorant_a of_o their_o duty_n as_o indeed_o we_o be_v more_o apt_a to_o learn_v the_o one_o than_o the_o other_o three_o concern_v my_o ignorance_n of_o that_o which_o be_v so_o plain_o express_v in_o scripture_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o light_n discover_v darkness_n and_o though_o truth_n be_v never_o so_o plain_o express_v yet_o ignorance_n can_v apprehend_v it_o four_o concern_v those_o interruption_n and_o temptation_n that_o keep_v i_o from_o my_o duty_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o natural_o we_o be_v so_o averse_a to_o duty_n that_o we_o be_v a_o long_a time_n before_o we_o know_v our_o duty_n and_o when_o we_o know_v they_o we_o be_v subject_a to_o be_v keep_v from_o do_v they_o by_o very_a trifle_n and_o that_o it_o be_v satan_n policy_n if_o he_o can_v keep_v we_o from_o know_v our_o duty_n to_o cast_v stumbling-block_n in_o our_o way_n if_o possible_a to_o keep_v we_o we_o from_o do_v they_o 2._o i_o observe_v that_o though_o christ_n yoke_n be_v easy_a yet_o we_o be_v hardly_o bring_v to_o put_v it_o on_o five_o concern_v the_o first_o hindrance_n that_o i_o think_v it_o some_o bondage_n to_o be_v in_o a_o church_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o through_o ignorance_n of_o the_o nature_n of_o christian_a liberty_n we_o be_v too_o subject_a to_o think_v that_o bondage_n which_o be_v not_o only_a liberty_n but_o a_o great_a privilege_n six_o concern_v the_o second_o hindrance_n which_o be_v the_o unsuitable_a walking_n of_o some_o particular_a person_n then_o in_o the_o church_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o the_o consideration_n of_o our_o stumble_n at_o the_o fail_n of_o other_o shall_v make_v we_o careful_a lest_o we_o occasion_n other_o to_o stumble_v at_o we_o seven_o concern_v the_o three_o hindrance_n that_o it_o be_v our_o liberty_n whether_o we_o will_v walk_v in_o church_n and_o submit_v to_o ordinance_n or_o not_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o we_o be_v natural_o so_o addict_v to_o liberty_n that_o we_o be_v many_o time_n ready_a to_o cast_v off_o all_o obedience_n and_o to_o look_v on_o the_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n as_o indifferent_a thing_n eight_o concern_v the_o four_o hindrance_n fear_v lest_o i_o have_v not_o faith_n enough_o to_o suffer_v for_o it_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o distrustful_a thought_n of_o future_a mercy_n many_o time_n keep_v we_o from_o improve_n present_a mercy_n nineth_o concern_v those_o conviction_n that_o though_o i_o be_v scruple_v about_o truth_n yet_o can_v not_o leave_v it_o so_o but_o endeavour_v after_o full_a satisfaction_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o strong_a conviction_n be_v not_o easy_o put_v out_o and_o where_o grace_n be_v predominant_a there_o will_v be_v a_o endeavour_v not_o to_o smother_v but_o to_o answer_v they_o ten_o concern_v that_o other_o hindrance_n by_o strange_a doctrine_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o as_o faith_n come_v by_o hear_v so_o there_o may_v be_v a_o hear_n that_o tend_v to_o the_o prejudice_n of_o faith_n and_o such_o i_o conclude_v be_v all_o hear_n out_o of_o the_o way_n of_o god_n though_o some_o more_o some_o less_o i_o mean_v public_a hear_n out_o of_o the_o church_n of_o god_n and_o though_o some_o do_v judge_v it_o their_o liberty_n and_o privilege_n so_o to_o do_v i_o must_v needs_o confess_v i_o can_v so_o judge_v for_o though_o possible_o glorious_a thing_n may_v be_v speak_v yet_o what_o privilege_n can_v it_o be_v for_o saint_n to_o hear_v glorious_a thing_n where_o there_o be_v no_o promise_n of_o a_o blessing_n from_o god_n and_o therefore_o i_o may_v say_v as_o the_o apostle_n of_o speak_v in_o a_o unknown_a tongue_n i_o have_v wrather_o hear_v five_o word_n from_o a_o true_a ministry_n or_o in_o a_o church_n of_o christ_n where_o he_o have_v promise_v his_o blessing_n and_o presence_n than_o five_o thousand_o elsewhere_o though_o i_o desire_v in_o a_o personal_a way_n to_o own_o and_o embrace_v all_o or_o any_o appearance_n of_o god_n where_o ever_o i_o find_v it_o and_o can_v upon_o that_o account_n true_o say_v i_o do_v much_o respect_n love_n and_o delight_n in_o some_o who_o be_v not_o yet_o come_v up_o to_o the_o true_a worship_n of_o christ_n in_o his_o church_n but_o i_o must_v be_v true_a to_o my_o principle_n i_o can_v see_v how_o we_o that_o be_v according_a to_o the_o gosspel_n join_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o his_o church_n by_o which_o we_o hold_v out_o to_o the_o world_n a_o visible_a profession_n of_o his_o name_n and_o a_o separation_n from_o all_o false_a way_n of_o worship_n which_o in_o our_o principle_n we_o judge_v they_o who_o be_v not_o right_o constitute_v with_o we_o according_a to_o the_o appointment_n and_o practice_n of_o christ_n and_o his_o apostle_n to_o be_v no_o other_o i_o say_v i_o can_v see_v how_o we_o can_v meet_v with_o they_o in_o their_o public_a worship_n to_o hear_v their_o minister_n or_o in_o any_o other_o spiritual_a duty_n but_o it_o be_v a_o cross_v our_o own_o principle_n as_o thus_o they_o own_v themselves_o true_a church_n and_o minister_n of_o christ_n the_o ignorant_a world_n know_v not_o but_o they_o be_v so_o we_o by_o our_o presence_n be_v silent_a do_v say_v
the_o same_o though_o in_o our_o judgement_n we_o can_v so_o own_v they_o which_o be_v a_o plain_a contradiction_n in_o our_o principle_n we_o say_v they_o be_v not_o church_n and_o minister_n of_o christ_n by_o our_o practice_n we_o say_v they_o be_v as_o have_v be_v mind_v second_o as_o it_o be_v a_o contradiction_n of_o our_o own_o principle_n so_o it_o have_v have_v such_o effect_n which_o be_v too_o visible_a and_o remain_v unto_o this_o day_n i_o must_v confess_v in_o my_o most_o serious_a thought_n i_o have_v wonder_v what_o shall_v be_v the_o reason_n that_o any_o in_o the_o house_n of_o god_n shall_v desire_v to_o be_v elsewhere_o i_o be_o sure_a there_o be_v no_o reason_n to_o be_v give_v for_o it_o neither_o from_o scripture_n nor_o experience_n therefore_o i_o conclude_v it_o be_v either_o from_o ignorance_n &_o so_o person_n in_o their_o practice_n cross_v their_o own_o principle_n and_o not_o know_v it_o or_o else_o it_o be_v from_o corrupt_a principle_n or_o else_o they_o be_v overcome_v by_o some_o violent_a temptation_n as_o to_o the_o 1._o of_o these_o i_o trust_v there_o be_v not_o many_o in_o the_o house_n of_o god_n so_o ignorant_a as_o to_o the_o 2._o it_o be_v the_o desire_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o god_n will_v reprove_v &_o show_v they_o the_o evil_a of_o such_o principle_n and_o recover_v they_o out_o of_o such_o snare_n as_o to_o the_o 3._o let_v they_o take_v heed_n lest_o have_v put_v their_o hand_n to_o the_o plough_n and_o look_v back_o they_o become_v unfit_a for_o the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n luke_n 9_o 62._o and_o let_v they_o likewise_o take_v heed_n of_o please_a man_n or_o halt_v between_o two_o opinion_n but_o if_o god_n be_v god_n follow_v he_o if_o baal_n follow_v he_o 1_o king_n 28_o 21._o this_o may_v seem_v harsh_a language_n to_o some_o but_o i_o be_o satisfy_v that_o what_o i_o have_v write_v have_v not_o be_v from_o a_o censorious_a spirit_n to_o judge_n of_o the_o final_a state_n of_o any_o or_o to_o question_v the_o grace_n of_o god_n in_o any_o where_o it_o do_v appear_v in_o the_o least_o measure_n and_o therefore_o let_v none_o say_v that_o because_o i_o can_v own_v any_o to_o be_v true_a church_n or_o minister_n of_o christ_n but_o such_o as_o be_v in_o the_o same_o order_n with_o we_o that_o therefore_o i_o say_v there_o be_v nothing_o of_o god_n or_o truth_n in_o they_o or_o that_o none_o shall_v be_v save_v but_o ourselves_o or_o that_o we_o love_v none_o but_o those_o of_o our_o own_o judgement_n which_o if_o any_o do_v so_o think_v or_o speak_v of_o we_o it_o be_v a_o very_a great_a mistake_n for_o if_o i_o may_v speak_v for_o other_o as_o i_o have_v already_o say_v i_o do_v upon_o a_o godly_a account_n love_n and_o delight_n in_o some_o who_o be_v not_o in_o our_o church_n and_o do_v wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o those_o glorious_a promise_n when_o they_o and_o we_o shall_v have_v a_o pure_a language_n &_o shall_v call_v upon_o the_o lord_n &_o serve_v he_o with_o one_o consent_n and_o when_o we_o shall_v have_v one_o heart_n and_o one_o way_n and_o there_o shall_v be_v one_o lord_n and_o his_o name_n one_o zeph._n 3._o 9_o jer._n 32._o 39_o zach._n 14._o 9_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n let_v none_o under_o a_o pretence_n of_o wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o such_o promise_n as_o these_o grow_v cold_a and_o indifferent_a in_o the_o great_a thing_n of_o god_n for_o none_o can_v true_o wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o promise_n but_o such_o as_o do_v wait_v in_o a_o close_o walk_v with_o god_n according_a to_o that_o measure_n of_o light_n receive_v and_o so_o those_o that_o have_v but_o a_o little_a of_o the_o knowledge_n of_o god_n let_v they_o follow_v on_o to_o know_v the_o lord_n hosea_n 6._o 3._o and_o let_v those_o that_o be_v in_o the_o faith_n earnest_o contend_v for_o it_o judas_n 3._o and_o such_o as_o be_v in_o gospel_n church_n let_v they_o stand_v fast_o in_o one_o spirit_n with_o one_o mind_n strive_v together_o for_o the_o faith_n of_o the_o gospel_n phil._n 1._o 27._o and_o let_v every_o one_o that_o name_v the_o name_n of_o christ_n depart_v from_o iniquity_n 2_o timothy_n 2._o 19_o and_o those_o that_o love_v the_o lord_n hate_v evil_a psalm_n 97._o 10._o and_o as_o i_o desire_v that_o none_o may_v slight_v grow_v cold_a or_o indifferent_a in_o the_o great_a thing_n of_o god_n under_o a_o pretence_n of_o wait_v for_o high_a enjoyment_n or_o discovery_n which_o shall_v be_v in_o the_o late_a day_n so_o i_o desire_v likewise_o that_o none_o may_v plead_v against_o the_o truth_n under_o a_o pretence_n of_o love_n as_o many_o do_v in_o these_o day_n labour_v to_o confound_v light_n with_o darkness_n truth_n with_o error_n and_o to_o make_v a_o agreement_n where_o god_n have_v make_v none_o let_v such_o know_v that_o true_a spiritual_a love_n as_o it_o be_v wrought_v in_o the_o heart_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n so_o it_o be_v bound_v within_o the_o limit_n of_o truth_n love_n and_o truth_n go_v hand_n in_o hand_n it_o be_v so_o fix_v upon_o god_n that_o it_o love_v all_o in_o and_o for_o he_o spiritual_a love_n must_v have_v a_o spiritual_a object_n and_o as_o the_o object_n be_v more_o or_o less_o visible_a so_o be_v that_o love_n it_o can_v love_v every_o thing_n alike_o nay_o it_o work_n as_o well_o by_o hatred_n of_o evil_a as_o approve_v that_o which_o be_v good_a psa_n 101._o psa_fw-la 97._o 10._o rev._n 2._o 6._o psa_fw-la 119._o 122_o 128._o it_o love_v that_o which_o god_n love_v and_o hate_v that_o which_o he_o hate_v it_o love_v the_o word_n of_o god_n the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n and_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o hate_v all_o that_o be_v in_o opposition_n to_o these_o it_o rejoice_v not_o in_o iniquity_n but_o rejoice_v in_o the_o truth_n 1_o cor._n 13._o 6._o this_o be_v true_a spiritual_a love_n in_o which_o we_o be_v to_o receive_v every_o truth_n and_o by_o which_o faith_n work_v 2_o thes_n 2._o 10._o gal._n 5._o 6._o and_o i_o dare_v affirm_v whatever_o person_n may_v pretend_v of_o spiritual_a love_n that_o be_v not_o of_o this_o nature_n it_o be_v a_o mere_a delusion_n and_o that_o all_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n ought_v to_o take_v heed_n of_o it_o the_o five_o note_n of_o experience_n concern_v notion_n and_o pretend_a spirituality_n in_o which_o satan_n transform_v himself_o into_o a_o angel_n of_o light_n and_o how_o far_o i_o be_v deceive_v by_o it_o and_o how_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o recover_v i_o out_o of_o it_o be_v now_o through_o much_o mercy_n bring_v out_o of_o babylon_n into_o zion_n to_o partake_v of_o those_o dainty_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v prepare_v for_o his_o people_n there_o satan_n that_o grand_a enemy_n of_o mankind_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n seek_v who_o he_o may_v devour_v 1_o pet._n 5._o 8._o envy_n my_o happiness_n and_o wait_v his_o opportunity_n to_o catch_v i_o as_o a_o fish_n in_o the_o water_n cover_v his_o hook_n with_o a_o bait_n of_o mystery_n and_o spirituality_n who_o though_o i_o have_v escape_v he_o in_o all_o his_o former_a appearance_n as_o a_o devil_n yet_o now_o transform_v himself_o into_o a_o angel_n of_o light_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o ever_o thereby_o to_o beguile_v and_o deceive_v i_o know_v that_o those_o that_o be_v so_o deceive_v be_v the_o fit_a agent_n to_o promote_v his_o kingdom_n and_o that_o many_o time_n he_o prevail_v this_o way_n when_o he_o can_v prevail_v no_o other_o way_n draw_v person_n to_o that_o by_o degree_n through_o corrupt_a principle_n which_o they_o will_v have_v tremble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o before_o they_o have_v such_o principle_n but_o god_n be_v please_v not_o only_o to_o keep_v i_o from_o such_o thing_n but_o also_o discover_v to_o i_o the_o way_n by_o which_o person_n be_v bring_v to_o such_o thing_n that_o so_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o his_o grace_n i_o may_v avoid_v those_o way_n and_o also_o forewarn_v other_o to_o avoid_v they_o likewise_o but_o before_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o discover_v satan_n under_o these_o veil_n by_o harken_v to_o the_o voice_n of_o the_o tempter_n in_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o i_o desire_v ever_o to_o be_v humble_v in_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n i_o be_v deceive_v and_o beguile_v by_o he_o in_o some_o particular_a thing_n and_o that_o after_o this_o manner_n after_o we_o have_v live_v some_o time_n in_o london_n walk_v with_o the_o church_n in_o the_o practice_n of_o the_o gospel_n it_o please_v god_n to_o remove_v our_o habitation_n into_o the_o country_n where_o we_o have_v not_o that_o privilege_n and_o after_o a_o while_n my_o husband_n be_v in_o the_o army_n it_o occasion_v our_o
often_o move_v into_o several_a place_n where_o we_o find_v not_o only_o particular_a person_n but_o whole_a church_n very_o much_o corrupt_v own_v &_o practise_v strange_a thing_n though_o under_o plausible_a term_n and_o spiritual_a pretence_n by_o which_o a_o while_n after_o they_o be_v break_v and_o scatter_v leave_v the_o profession_n of_o truth_n in_o the_o practice_n of_o the_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n some_o under_o one_o notion_n and_o some_o under_o another_o so_o that_o it_o be_v hard_a to_o find_v in_o those_o part_v one_o particular_a person_n that_o have_v sound_a principle_n much_o less_o a_o whole_a church_n where_o there_o be_v a_o powerful_a ministry_n and_o a_o wise_a government_n by_o reason_n of_o which_o i_o begin_v by_o degree_n to_o be_v somewhat_o confuse_v in_o judgement_n and_o true_o when_o i_o consider_v those_o thing_n and_o what_o temptation_n i_o be_v expose_v to_o at_o that_o time_n i_o do_v not_o wonder_v i_o be_v so_o confuse_v but_o i_o rather_o wonder_v at_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n that_o i_o be_v not_o swallow_v up_o with_o confusion_n as_o many_o be_v in_o those_o day_n for_o though_o i_o be_v weak_a in_o principle_n and_o by_o those_o thing_n somewhat_o confuse_v yet_o i_o do_v not_o know_v that_o in_o two_o or_o three_o year_n time_n i_o have_v receive_v any_o corrupt_a principle_n but_o afterward_o be_v with_o a_o people_n where_o satan_n have_v transform_v himself_o into_o a_o angel_n of_o light_n i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v in_o the_o high_a degree_n under_o term_n of_o mystery_n spirit_n wait_v upon_o god_n and_o such_o like_a by_o they_o i_o be_v beguile_v and_o deceive_v in_o some_o particular_a thing_n though_o never_o in_o the_o height_n of_o that_o which_o be_v practise_v by_o they_o the_o particular_n about_o which_o i_o be_v deceive_v be_v chief_o these_o three_o or_o four_o first_o concern_v godliness_n be_v a_o mystery_n that_o it_o do_v consist_v of_o something_o within_o and_o not_o of_o something_o without_o and_o and_o that_o the_o saint_n be_v to_o expect_v life_n and_o salvation_n from_o a_o christ_n within_o and_o not_o from_o a_o christ_n without_o second_o that_o saint_n be_v not_o to_o do_v duty_n by_o or_o from_o a_o command_n without_o but_o from_o a_o command_n within_o and_o that_o the_o word_n command_v in_o scripture_n be_v not_o a_o command_n to_o they_o till_o they_o have_v a_o word_n within_o they_o three_o that_o as_o to_o the_o time_n of_o do_v duty_n they_o be_v to_o wait_v for_o the_o move_n of_o the_o spirit_n to_o carry_v they_o forth_o to_o it_o and_o this_o they_o call_v wait_v for_o a_o power_n and_o till_o they_o have_v such_o a_o power_n they_o be_v to_o do_v nothing_o but_o sit_v still_o and_o wait_v and_o this_o not_o only_o in_o private_a duty_n but_o in_o the_o church_n also_o not_o own_v any_o ministry_n by_o way_n of_o gift_n or_o office_n but_o to_o come_v together_o and_o there_o fit_a and_o wait_v till_o they_o have_v a_o power_n and_o then_o to_o speak_v whether_o man_n or_o woman_n in_o these_o particular_n which_o carriry_v such_o a_o face_n or_o show_v of_o spirituality_n i_o be_v corrupt_v but_o do_v never_o full_o own_v they_o in_o judgement_n nor_o practice_n and_o for_o such_o principle_n as_o i_o think_v do_v lead_v to_o looseness_n either_o in_o matter_n of_o conversion_n or_o in_o slight_v the_o church_n or_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n i_o do_v always_o oppose_v they_o though_o i_o believe_v such_o principle_n do_v natural_o follow_v the_o other_o but_o i_o do_v not_o then_o discern_v it_o they_o be_v cover_v over_o with_o such_o angel-like_o appearance_n and_o as_o to_o that_o principle_n of_o wait_v though_o i_o do_v own_v it_o in_o judgement_n more_o full_o than_o any_o of_o these_o other_o yet_o i_o can_v neveâ—_n come_v up_o to_o it_o in_o my_o practice_n in_o private_a duty_n but_o by_o reason_n of_o some_o conviction_n still_o remain_v in_o i_o i_o can_v not_o stay_v so_o long_o from_o duty_n till_o i_o have_v such_o a_o power_n but_o do_v frequent_o go_v to_o duty_n when_o i_o have_v it_o not_o though_o sometime_o i_o think_v i_o have_v it_o but_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o other_o i_o do_v not_o appear_v in_o duty_n but_o when_o i_o think_v i_o have_v that_o power_n though_o i_o never_o do_v so_o appear_v but_o in_o one_o place_n for_o a_o short_a season_n in_o do_v which_o i_o think_v i_o have_v communion_n with_o god_n but_o i_o do_v believe_v it_o be_v no_o such_o thing_n but_o a_o mere_a spirit_n of_o delusion_n first_o because_o i_o know_v no_o scripture-ground_n for_o such_o a_o practice_n and_o second_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o the_o sad_a fruit_n i_o have_v by_o it_o for_o after_o a_o little_a time_n i_o begin_v to_o lose_v my_o peace_n and_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v have_v little_a or_o no_o communion_n with_o god_n nor_o scarce_o any_o thing_n to_o speak_v to_o or_o for_o god_n and_o so_o confound_v i_o be_v in_o my_o own_o spirit_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v and_o speak_v of_o it_o to_o some_o and_o those_o not_o a_o few_o they_o labour_v to_o persuade_v i_o it_o be_v a_o dispensation_n of_o god_n and_o that_o the_o saint_n after_o they_o be_v bring_v out_o of_o egypt_n must_v be_v in_o the_o wilderness_n before_o they_o come_v to_o canaan_n and_o that_o the_o end_n of_o god_n in_o bring_v they_o there_o be_v that_o he_o may_v speak_v comfortable_o to_o they_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_v not_o to_o be_v trouble_v but_o to_o be_v quiet_a fit_a still_o and_o wait_v and_o not_o to_o stir_v the_o lord_n till_o he_o please_v this_o do_v not_o at_o all_o satisfy_v i_o but_o i_o continue_v in_o a_o very_a sad_a condition_n and_o one_o thing_n more_o by_o the_o way_n i_o can_v forget_v and_o that_o be_v that_o while_o i_o be_v in_o this_o condition_n i_o never_o be_v so_o trouble_v with_o temptation_n as_o i_o be_v at_o that_o time_n one_o temptation_n which_o i_o be_v trouble_v with_o many_o year_n before_o i_o be_v keep_v from_o until_o at_o this_o time_n which_o now_o be_v more_o violent_a than_o at_o first_o as_o indeed_o those_o thing_n natural_o lead_v to_o such_o temptation_n which_o temptation_n be_v the_o same_o express_v in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o book_n page_n 25._o this_o be_v the_o sad_a fruit_n of_o my_o stray_n from_o the_o pure_a way_n of_o truth_n which_o as_o i_o desire_v ever_o to_o own_o with_o shame_n to_o myself_o so_o likewise_o consider_v the_o temptation_n i_o be_v expose_v to_o and_o the_o little_a mean_n i_o have_v to_o forewarn_v and_o keep_v i_o from_o such_o thing_n i_o desire_v for_o ever_o to_o bless_v the_o lord_n that_o i_o stray_v no_o further_o that_o though_o in_o these_o thing_n i_o have_v much_o forget_v he_o yet_o he_o be_v please_v to_o remember_v i_o and_o show_v i_o the_o evil_a and_o danger_n of_o these_o notion_n and_o restore_v i_o to_o those_o former_a joy_n that_o once_o i_o have_v in_o he_o and_o make_v that_o which_o be_v intend_v by_o satan_n to_o overthrow_v i_o to_o be_v of_o great_a advantage_n to_o i_o which_o he_o be_v please_v to_o do_v after_o this_o manner_n have_v some_o occasion_n to_o undertake_v a_o passage_n on_o the_o sea_n from_o london_n to_o newcastle_n in_o which_o condition_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o reprove_v i_o by_o the_o rage_a wave_n of_o the_o sea_n and_o tempestuous_a storm_n than_o begin_v my_o trouble_n to_o increase_v but_o not_o so_o much_o from_o that_o which_o be_v without_o as_o from_o something_o within_o the_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n not_o beat_v so_o fast_o on_o the_o ship_n as_o the_o wave_n of_o temptation_n do_v arise_v in_o my_o heart_n be_v in_o a_o very_a much-troubled_n dissatisfy_v condition_n not_o find_v my_o heart_n willing_a to_o submit_v to_o god_n neither_o indeed_o know_v how_o to_o behave_v myself_o towards_o he_o in_o relation_n to_o the_o present_a trouble_n all_o which_o be_v occasion_v by_o those_o corrupt_a principle_n be_v at_o a_o great_a loss_n whether_o i_o shall_v now_o pray_v or_o wait_v for_o a_o power_n not_o be_v sensible_a of_o any_o other_o power_n at_o that_o time_n but_o what_o be_v from_o the_o present_a trouble_n to_o put_v i_o upon_o it_o but_o in_o this_o trial_n i_o be_v glad_a to_o betake_v myself_o to_o my_o former_a principle_n the_o lord_n bring_v to_o my_o remembrance_n that_o command_n and_o promise_n psa_n 50._o 15._o by_o which_o i_o be_v encourage_v to_o cry_v to_o god_n as_o indeed_o i_o can_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o forbear_v for_o still_o own_v my_o interest_n in_o god_n by_o which_o i_o be_v make_v capable_a of_o prayer_n i_o can_v not_o answer_v that_o with_o such_o other_o like_o scripture_n