Wife If all our Chancellors were Babers and all our Prebends Viners it would be more for their credit Wife I cannot yet tell that Bishops name But I hope I shall give you an account of it shortly who entered one that was a Barber into Holy Orders and being told that he had formerly been Arrainged for Sheep-stealing he replied I had rather see a Sheep-stealer in the Pulpit than a Presbyterian And now Wife Let 's compare these Porrige-Priests with our Ejected Ministers and see what a vast difference there is between them The former guilty of all the afore-mentioned Abominations the latter free from all just suspicion of such things even in the Iudgment of their very Enemies And if that Kiss which the Great Constantine gave to the hollow of Paphnutius's Eye lost for the sake of Christ be justly reckoned amongst the Trophies of his honour how illustrious would it render his Majesty both to the present and succeeding Ages to give Liberty to those who are as Instruments in the hand of Christ to open eyes of the Blind Wife But Husband I hope all these Cartloads have no relation to the best of our honest Conformists Husb. Yes Wife they 're all Brethren Members of the Mystical Body these Swearing Cheating Ignorant Drunken Whoring Priests are all their Brethren as much as those that both beshit and piss'd their Breeches Pews and Pulpits Why Wife do you think the honest Conformists you speak of will disown their Arch Spiritual Father Canterbury their Swearing Father Lichfield and Coventry or their Papistical Father Worcester and the rest of that Mungrel Crew They can never be true Sons of the Church if they disown these Fathers Wife But Husband after all your Cartloads what do you think of the Body of this Clergy Husb. Why Wife many of them of the old Topers are like the old Boots and Shooes which we Coblers do Vamp they have many of them new Soles new Preferments three or four Livings and Prebendaries but the old Leather is still the same onely now they drink Sack whereas Ale before would liquor the Boots very well A Lady asked one of them some years since Where they had all been during the time they were turned out of their Livings He answered We have lain among the Pots abusing the Scripture To which the Lady answered I thought so by your Red Noses But indeed Wife there are but two small Objections against them two little Faults in our Clergy-men Wife What are those two Exceptions Husband Husb. Why they can neither Preach nor Pray otherwise they are as well qualified both for Drinking and Swearing and some other Vertues that you and I must not talk aloud of as any that ever came out of the Popes Belly Wife Pray Husband what do you think is the true reason why the People are so generally set against the Bishops Husb. Truly Wife I 'll tell thee As they all see they do no good and have no care of their Souls so their business is to vex and torment the people under them by their Appariters summoning them to their Courts that they cannot be quiet in their Callings nor at their Ploughs I am informed by such as have heard it from those that know it That three thousand at one time stood summoned at the Bishop of Lincoln's Court Wife this is one great reason of the miserable poverty that is in every Country I tell thee Wife if our Gracious King would but take theirs and the old Droans of Deans and Prebends Lands into his hands to defray the Publick Charge of the Kingdom the whole Body of the People would keep a Jubilee for it Wife Husband let me ask you one question more What do you find is the reason why the Non-Conformists will not comply with the Bishops Husb. The reason is plain because they cannot say the old Mumpsimus the Service-Book which I have told you before is word by word the old Mass-Book in another Tongue one Pope making one part of it and his Successors the rest Now they can pray better than the Popes can teach them but as for our Clergy-Sâ—â—s if their Books should be burnt there must be no praying And secondly the Non-Conformists cann't swallow the Old Whores painted silly Ceremonies because by the Bishops own Confession they are not Written So that their great sin is that they can Pray and Preach without an old mouldy Mass-Book and would worship as God commands them which makes the people to be generally for them Wife I hope then Husband the King will give them their liberty to Preach to satisfie his People Husb. I will tell thee a true story Wife for you know I read Histories In the Kingdom of Persia about the year 500. the Magitian-Priests such as ours came to the King and told him that there was a voice heard in one of the Temples from under ground That if he gave liberty to the Christians in his Kingdom he would certainly be destroyed Which the King believing a wise Man went to him and desired him to go and hear the voice and then to search under ground if there were not a person there which the King did and found a Priest in a hollow place which spake and so the cheat was discovered Iust such an Oracle is the Priests counsel now But Wife Pray Husband stay there I think you have said enough for a Cobler Husb. No Wife I have something else to say yet which is That the Bishops perswade my King Charles the Government of the Church is laid upon his Shoulders and that they will study the Truth and he shall maintain it But seriously Wife if God the Father had seen that any Migistrate on Earth or all the Angels in Heaven had been capable of so great a care and trust he had never laid it upon the shoulders of his own Son For the Prophet Isaiah tells us The Government shall be upon His Shoulders and the Apostle tells us We have one Law-giver and but one Christ Jesus So that if Christ Iesus be that one Law-giver then my King has no Power to make Laws for the Conscience to bind men to what form of Wonhip the Bishops please But what they are not able to make good by Scripture they would have my King make good by his Laws and so make him their Sword-Bearer which is none of his work and so I would tell him if I might have admission to his presence But Kings and Coblers are no meet Companions Wife But Husband I have heard you say That the Ministers of the Church of England are not called according to Magna Charta Pray how then are they called Husb. Why Wife as the Pear-monger when his Pears are green puts them into hot Horse-dung to ripen them apace so first the Bishop of the Diocess enters men into holy Orders which holy horse-dung Orders makes them ripen as fast for the Ministry as the Pears do for the Market And this entring them into holy
realiter really and that upon that account we give adoration Doctor Cross Dean of Norwich in a Sermon at Yarmouth said That it had been better that the Gospel had not been Preached these twenty Years past for now the People had so much knowledge that when the Minister doth reprove them or endeavour to persuade them they are presently able to Convince him by Scripture which is not so set for Lay People Doctor Creâ—on Dean of Wells that Court-drolling Preacher preaching at White Hall out of this Text Shew us a Sign said That it was not the Papists that burned London at which words he was struck dumb and as it 's conceived choaked with a Lie in his throat and could not speak for a time The Lord in that as it were shewed a sign from Heaven Wife these Pillars are enough to make the Axletree crack we 'll drive away and endeavour to make another load The Bishop of Litchfield and Coventry being a most notorious Swearer one in Coventry came to an intelligent man to know whether he might not indict the Bishop for swearing How many Oaths did he swear said his Friend to him Threescore In what time was it Was it within the compass of three weeks said his Friend He answered It was was he ever convicted before a Justice of Peace said his Friend He answered 〈…〉 The other answered Then you cannot There came certain Feoffees who were intrested for a School at Nun-Eaton in Warwickshire where the Bishop was onely to have the trial of the Schoolmaster whether he were a sufficient Scholar but he would have the full power to place the Schoolmaster and so quarrels with them Said the Bishop to one of them Hadst thou a hand in placing this man here I had said the man A plague of God on the heart of thee said the Bishop and swore so fast that one blind man who was a Feoffee did desire him that brought him in to lead him out again For said he the Bishop dorth swear so fast I am affraid that the House will fall upon my head Yet such is his commendation that if at any time be swear by his Faith and Troth as commonly he doth that he will not give a poor man or woman a peny he will keep his word The said Bishop preaching against Covetousness at Tamworth in Warwickshire although as covetous a fellow as the Country affords said to his Hearers Ye are covetous and will be covetous and so you will remain or words to this effect concluding with this wish The Devil scald you Being also on a certain time requested to preach for one of his fellow-Schollars in Oxford he swore by his faith and troth he could not spit Sermons So that we see what is bred in the Bone will never out of the Flesh Wife did not our Bishop say once in his Sermon We are your Spiritual Fathers These are some of them Doctor Pearce Bishop of Bath and Wells a most notorious Swearer coming into a Barbers shop in London where there sate one Makerness who when he saw the Bishop rose up to give him the place Dost thou know me said the Bishop Yea said Makerness you are my Lord Bishop of Bath and Wells What 's thy Name said the Bishop He answered My Name is Makerness Gods wounds swore the Bishop thou art a Pillar of the Church This hath been printed already by another Author The same Bishop long since said He thanked God he had not left one Lecture standing in all his Diocess The Mayor of Wells not long since walking abroad on the Lords Day went to the Bishop part of the Town being in the Bishops Jurisdiction or Liberty and desired the favour of him that he might have his good will to suppress the disorders that were there committed Go your ways for a Jackanapes with a Pox to you said the Bishop who put that into your head Doctor Fafield of Berkin preached That whatsoever the King commanded the People were bound to obey though it were a sin against God At another time not long after he went up into the Pulpit to preach but could not speak a word and so came down again Which was looked upon as the hand of God upon him for what he had formerly delivered Doctor Reeve Dean of Windsor being at the three Bibles in Pauls Church-yard swore by him that made him that he had done what he could about the delivering of such a Petition and by Gods wounds he would do what he could again Several persons and one amongst others who was a Merchant at Lime told me that at Bridport alias Beauport a mile from Lime the Parson was catechising some of the young People and among the rest a Maid and asked her this question What will be the punishment of Hedge-Breakers and Hedge-Stealers it 's conceived his had been broken To which the Maid answered Hell-fire I think God damn me said the Priest thou hast more grace than all the Parish besides Doctor Sherborn Prebend of Hereford his man having brought his Horse to a place called The Cabadge Lane in Hereford cursed his man because his Horse looked no better saying A plague of God on the heart of thee how doth my Horse look The said Doctor being sent for by an Alderman of the City to assist him in the examination of one Edward Bourn a Quaker and another of his Judgement he convinced the said Edward Bourn by two knocking arguments for when Edward Bourn spake to him in the language of Thee and Thou he gave him two good boxes on the ear which the poor man was not able to resist A very learned Confutation Doctor James Buck sometime Parson of Stradbrook in the County of Suffolk but before the burning of the City of Garlick Hill and Gregories near Pauls and now Preacher at the Temple formerly delivered as followeth That the Pope is head of the Church and Head of the Spiritualty and that there would never be any Conformity in the Church until a Patriarch should be above a Bishop a Bishop above a Priest a Priest above a Deacon and the Bishop of Rome above them all And that This is my Body in the Sacrament of the Lords Supper is to be understood in a literal sence and that there is a Transmutation of the Bread into the Body and Blood of Christ as in John 2. the substance of Water is turned into Wine And that the words Do this are spoken to the Priest to create the Body and Blood of our Lord affirming the Priest to have power to create the Body and Blood of Christ and that it is lawful to invocate Saints and Angels That Infants dying after Baptism become Intercessors for their Parents and that Auricular Confession to a Priest is absolutely necessary once a year or at least once in a mans life And that the Church of Rome is as honourable a Church as any is in the world And that he useth as low obeysance at the mentioning of
he was not very well Why quoth Shorditch that 's the easiest thing in the world or words to that effect But says Bishopsgate Do you then Read Prayers No quoth Shorditch I don't Read Prayers There 's the Devil on 't quoth Bishopsgate I Read Prayers too So much for this Cartload of ignorant Sots which with many of our Bishops and Doctors those Reverend Fathers I shall refer to a Book of my Brother How the Cobler for further instruction Our next Load shall be Cheaters And we will begin with two Swop-Souls One Mr. Dale of Stanlat five miles from Abingdon in the County of Berks the other Mr. Ingram of Longworth four miles from Abingdon whose Living by estimation was worth 200 l. per annum This Mr. Dale had a Living likewise in York-shire worth as was said 400 l. per ann These two Parsons met together and after some acquaintance each with other to trading they fall about swopping of Livings and Souls Dale will part with his Living in Yorkshire of 400 l. per annum for Ingrams of Longworth though but 200 l. because of the conveniency of it being near Stanlat Ingram buys a Pig in a Poke and like a good fellow takes the others word resigns his Living to Dale and goes down into York-shire to see his bargain but when he came there he found it a poor barren cold Country and not worth above 80 l. per annum Ingram returns again exclaiming against Dale and the better to be revenged on him would have the young men make a Play of it and call it The Divine Cheat. Mr. William Coulbourn Parson of Melcomb Regis in Dorcetshire adjoyning to VVeymouth and Parson of Sudbury in the County of Suffolk about 150 miles distant from Melcomb Regis going to the Bishop of Norwich for a License to preach the Bishop granted him a License being a man of great parts and particularly a good Orator and one in good esteem and much admired by all true Sons of the Church In his Journey home from Norwich he was guilty of a gross miscarriage the relation whereof take as followeth As he went from Norwich to Sudbury his occasions led him about twenty miles out of the way to a Town called Holt in the County of Norfolk where going by the Name of Mr. VVilliams he went to an Apothecaries in the Town and would have changed some Gold for Silver only desired that he might deliver the Gold sealed up in a Box but the Apothecary refused to trade with him upon those terms telling him he should have his Silver loose and so he would have his Gold Whereupon they parted and Mr. Williams goes to one Francis Games a Mercer in the Town pretending to buy some Stuffs and Silks of him to the value of fourteen or fifteen pounds then after they had agreed as to price he told him that he could not pay him at present but set a day wherein he would send his man to pay for what he had bought and to fetch the Stuffs and withall he told him he had one request to him which was that he would let him have 20 l. in Silver and he would leave him 20 l. in Gold as a pawn for it and that when he sent his man for the Stuffs he would send money to redeem his Gold Upon these terms Games helped him to 20 l. But Mr. Williams desired that in regard the money was given him by a special friend for whose sake he was unwilling it should be changed Mr. Games would give way to the sealing of it up in a Box which Mr. Games assented unto and it was accordingly done and when the Gold was sealed up in the Box the Box was set down upon the Table and as it 's conceived whilst they were taking a Pipe of Tobacco he slipped that Box into his pocket and set another upon the Table just like it sealed up as that was At parting he desired Games that when he sent him the 20 l. he would send him the Box sealed up as it was After he was gone out of the Town the Apothecary came to see Games and after some discourse about Mr. Williams told him it was a Cheat Games told him it could not be a Cheat for he saw the Gold put into the Box whereupon the Apothecary snatched the Box out of his hand and opening it there was nothing in it but a piece of Lead and Pindust Upon which making enquiry which way he was gone they followed him to Fakenham where he was endeavouring to play the like prank Understanding him to be there they went to a Justice of Peace one Mr. Clifton fetched a Warrant and brought him before the Justice and upon examination he confessed that his Name was VVilliam Coulbourn He was tried at the Sessions and fined fourteen pounds to the King He also lent a Butcher 60 l. and taking Bond for it professed it was burnt by accident and desired the Butcher to give him another telling him withall That he would lend him 20 l. more and take a Bond for 80 l. which was accordingly done and the former Bond not being burnt be hath two Bonds for one sum of Money He also perswaded a young man to borrow money and give a Bond written with white Ink which in a weeks time would not be seen With many other things of the like nature which would take up a sheet of Paper to recite But because the Cart's already heavy loaden I shall pass them by and away with this Load to the Pillory And now Wife we must load one among another Drunkards and Whoremongers Mr. Ashton the Parson of St. Andrews in Hartford and Mr. Manning a Tanner meeting together at the Bull in Bishopsgate-street London went and drank together first in the Bull-Cellar until the Parson was almost blind and from thence they went to several places till at length he had got his full dose He was to have gone home in the Coach but so loved his company and his good Liquor that he prevailed with the Coachman to leave him a horse because he must go home to preach at the Funeral of the Mayor of Hartford on the morrow and so late at night they set forward towards Hartford but being so exceeding drunk he fell off his Horse several times but at last the poor Beast as disdaining to carry him farther ran away home and left him to shift for himself but his companion Mr. Manning taking more pity of him set him upon his own Horse and led him but yet he could not fit the Horse for Mr. Manning going a little aside to escape the dirt not far from the Towns end down falls the Parson again in the dirt and away runs the Tanners Horse home His Wife hearing the Horse coming in called her man to rise and let his Master in and take care of the Horse the man rising and going out found nothing but the Horse and telling his Mistriss that the Horse was come but not his Master
cry hem Cousin Kate must fall to work with the Maid which when the Maid found she leaped out of the bed cried out upon them for their baseness packs up and away she goes This is the truth of it Husb. Wife your memory is very good you have it as right as may be A Gentleman now living within the Lines of Communication was led by one of the Prebends of Chichester into a Whore-house where the Prebend desired the Gentleman to choose what Lass he liked best and he would pay for it upon condition he would lie with her in his sight For saith the Prebend I am old and lame and past it but I love to see it still But his motion was detested by the Gentleman being a civil person Who also doth assure the World that the Prebends of Chichester have debauched many hopeful young men Doctor Johnson for so I think they call him dwelling near Ashby in Leicestershire meeting two or three of his Neighbours coming from Ashby enquired of them whether they had bought Ashby One of the men answered What we bought we paid for but you took the possession of such a mans ditch at such a time and never paid for it The said Doctor is a frugal man and going to buy Ale at the best hand being drunk he fell upon his knees which a Neighbour seeing said What shall we have prayers now But his wife made a shift to pluc khim into a Chamber Hill Brogden and Gilbert three Priests in Buckinghamshire met within three miles of Henly upon Thames in an Alehouse where meeting with a man that had been gathering of Nuts they asked him for some the man calls for a Dish to put them in and pulled them out of his pocket and they began to take of them Hold saith one of the Priests let us say Grace first What saith the other is there any Grace for Nuts Yes saith he I will say Grace and so put off his hat and holds it over the dish and lifts up his eyes and with one of his hands in the mean time takes up a a good handful Nay hold saith the other you don't say Grace right and so off goes his hat and he lifts up his hands and eyes and maketh as if he would say something and at last layeth down the brims of his hat upon the dish and turneth the dish of Nuts into his hat saying You said Grace for some but I say Grace for all These three Priests will undertake to bowl drink and fight with any three in the Country and one of them using this imprecation Damn me and one admiring at him for it O said one of his Neighbours this is nothing to him when he is at home Parson Jones of Cundicot about two miles from Stow in Gloucestershire went to Burford market where he was so drunk that he mistook a grey horse for his own which was of a sorrel colour and brought him home with him about seven miles and the Owner of the horse followed him He is known to be a common Drunkard yet this is his commendation that if at any time he be drunk in the Pulpit if any of his Neighbours do but hold up a finger and becken to him he will come down Parson Cook of Suckly in Herefordshire hath another Parsonage called Estnor where he hath a Cu-Rat whose name was Speak whose wife the Parson as she her self saith attempted to commit uncleanness withal and said He would give her five pounds to buy her a Silk Gown And we will to bed said he and have a Cook or a Speak immediately Mr. Heyward of Shrewsbury being at a meeting where there was Dancing he was requested also to dance by a Gentlewoman off goes his holy Garments Cirsingle and all and to dancing he fails When it was ended he puts on his Garments again Now says he I am as I was before There is one in the same Town to whom they give the title of an Esquire who as he was eating Brawn and Mustard at a Barbers shop in Shrewsbury protested That as true as that was Brawn and Mustard he took Heyward between his wives legs Judge Keeling at Taunton-Assizes fined the Bishop in ten pounds for sending an Ordinary drunk to the Bar. The Vicar of Berlingham in the County of VVorcester swore by him that made him he would lay 20 pounds that he would prove the Church of England to be a true Church And indeed shewed himself a true Son of the Church for he was so wanton with one Scarlet 's wife pulling and haling her so hard that he broke her apron-strings and played such horse-play to have her serve his lust that her Husband sued him and at the Assizes recovered five pounds of him at a Nisi Prius The Vicar of Alciter in VVarwick-shire a notorious Drunkard drank a Health to all Womens I 'll tell you no more of it and his wife coming into the room he would have taken up her coats but she fell down upon her Knees to save her self This I had from his Neighbours in the same Town of Alciter A Parson within two miles of Gloucester I am loth to give you his name because he is a Neighbour would needs give his Farrier half a dozen of Ale but before they parted he with another were fain to lead him almost home with his Breeches in a sweet pickle At another time he pist in the Pulpit so that it ran down upon one of his Neighbours At Arle in the County of Salop the Priest had drank so hard that he pist in the Pulpit which the Lady Littleton perceiving sent for a Chamber-pot and caused it to be set down by him in the Pulpit At Bath Easton two miles from Bath one that is called by the name of blind David that ran his head against a crab-tree in his Sermon uttered what my pen with modesty may not relate That there was nothing more pleasing to a VVoman quam Sperma But no more of that Mr. VVanley a Priest of Coventry Successor to Doctor Brian having married a young man and his wife sent to him for five shillings for marrying of him the man sent him half a Crown and said Go tell thy Master I will pay him the other half Crown when he pays me for brushing his back when he sat up all night with Mary Abel at the Red Lion He is a common Drunkard and the second of December 1665. having been abroad drunk the Watch took him John Ryland of Spernal in VVarwickshire was so drunk at a Village called Coughton at the house of one John Hopkins that the women tendring his condition got a man to lead him over a Bridge at Canbrook and on the other side of the Bridge he fell down dead drunk where he slept until he recovered himself many Carts and Waggons in the mean time passing by him This Ryland was formerly questioned before the Commissioners sitting at Coventry for insufficiency where they demanded of him what a Sacrament
flew away again And the next Lords Day doing the like again she there lost her life At Norwich the Dean being preaching and among many other things uttering these words That some men made Prayers of an Ell-long which were of no Divine Institution An Owl flew over his head and hem'd him up with a note of Admitation crying Hoo hoo hoo The Dean of Hereford being in his Sermon and having hang'd up his Canonical Cap upon a Pin in the Pulpit a Magpie flew into the Pulpit and never gave over Frisking and Whisking till he had thrown it down and afterwards came and sat down by him and he civily put him away with his hand Another Magpie came into the Publick place with red Stockins on and a red Collar about his Neck and sat down by the Priest who was also in his red Hood reading Devis'd Service Richard Stevens of Nurent having been at a Cock-fighting at Gloucester and going into the Cathedral with the Cocks in a Bag upon his arm the Singing-men being at their Worship invited him into the Chore and when the Choristers began to sing his Cocks began to Crow But which Service was most acceptable the Cocks or the Coxcombs I leave to better Iudgments to determine I was told by an honest Quaker That one Parson Bomfield near Yarmouth going to Dine with a Friend of his in the next Village stole a Cock by the way and put it in his Breeches and that the Cock fell a crowing in the Parsons Breeches as he sat at Dinner with his Friend At Norwich a Fox came into the Publick Place in the time of their Worship probably to find some Prey there but seeing they were only Wolves in Sheeps cloathing he departed and the like he did at Gloucester Wife You know what Goodwife Edwards told you about her Sow That having been admonished to keep her Sow at home she could not for her life when the Bell toll'd but away would the Sow run to their Worship Mr. Marley Preaching at Norwich upon this Text Behold an Israelite indeed in whom there is no guilt and saying the Conformists were the true Israelites at that word a Sow came into Publick Place and standing before the Pulpit grunted out Woogh woogh woogh whereupon the Parson repeated his Sentence again and the Sow replied in the like manner for which he is by the Inhabitants thereabouts Surnamed Hog-Marley Two Pigs coming into the Cathedral of Norwich near the Eagle in the time of Worship they endeavoured to drive them away but the Pigs would not go and so they were forced to carry them out And their Owner being warned to keep them at home shut theminto a Yard but the Pigs leaping over the Pales which were as high as a Dog could ordinarily leap over ran to the Cathedral the second time in the time of Worship and were again fain to be carried out And the Owner of the Pigs being again warned and threatned was fain to kill them not knowing how to keep them at 〈◊〉 These were the first that ever suffered Martyrdom for coming to hear Common-Prayer I think Wife 't is needless to mention the Rats that eat the Leather off of the Organs at Gloucester and made the Common-Prayer go down without Musick for almost a quarter of a year together because the Church was so indulgent towards them that they were never Excommunicated Wife I am sure you know Dr. Horwood our Neighbour Mr. Jones formerly of Easton-gray in Willtshire told me the following story of him That about the beginning of the late Troubles Dr. Horwood being preaching at Maries in Oxford and in his Sermon blaming the Rusticity of those that were against the Bishops and magnifying the then Government of the Church a Bird sat upon the Canopy of the Pulpit and shit in his mouth or rather said Mr. Jones upon the corner of his Cheek which ran down into his Mouth I and Dodderige said he sat under the Pulpit and saw him take his Handkerchief and wipe it out of his mouth Which proved very Ominous for suddenly after the Bishops had a fall Now if as Tertullian tells us not a hair from a Saints head nor a bristle from a Sows back falls to the ground without the will and pleasure of God Surely then these things afore-mentioned ought not to pass unrainded by us But Wife I formerly made you a Promise to shew you wherein a Cobler was more honourable than a Lord Bishop and I think I had best perform it now A Cobler is ab antiquo ever since Shooes were made of Leather and he is a Gentleman of the Gentle Craft The LORD Bishop is but from William the Conqueror and their honour was damnatus antequam natus condemn'd before t was born as they profess themselves Ministers And a Magistrate professing himself to be Christs Substitute cannot confer true honour where his Master has prophibited it His honour must be a natura ex merito or ab officio From nature it cannot be for so every man is as good as he and as for their desert were it not for the Kings favour the Multitude would do by them as the Prentices did by the Whores in Moor-fields and set them up against the Walls for Dogs to p at Nor can their honour arise from their Office as Prelates which is to persecute for so they are Whelps of old Lilly that Bitch-Whore and some of the first Litter the Devil was their Sire and they are as like him as ever they can look they have Dad's own Nose from him they learn to persecute like Nimrod The Cobler lives by his honest labour and seeks not to be burdensom to his Brethren and part of his Livelihood is by paring of old Shooes The Lord Bishop is much like that Hog that when some Children were eating Milk out of a Dish that stood upon a Stool thrust his Snowt into the Dish and drank up all not regarding the Children who cryed Take a Poon Pig take a Poon So these hungry Hogs though they have hundreds nay thousands per annum must have Procurations Synodals and Pentecostals from their poor Brethren Procurations to bear their Charges when they ride a Vexation which was decreed by Pope Boniface and other Popes Synodals had their rise from the Offerings which were brought at the Dedication of Churches The Pentecostals are Pentecost-Farthings arising from the Oblations which were brought by the Parents of such Children as were baptized which was then onely at Whitsomide as that great Antiquary Mr. John Stevens in his Book de Procurat shews All which are as base as to use the Country Proverb the parings of the Divils 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 The Cobler is always mending and making better The Lord Bishop is always marring and making worse The Cobler endeavours to set men upright The Lord Bishop turns them aside to Superstitious Vanities The Cobler hath more Love and Honour in his Country than the Lord Bishop When Ralph the Cobler comes to our Town pray send him to our house says the Countryman But when the Lord Bishop goes a Vexation they never say Pray send Him to our Town The Cobler will be in Request while Men are born with Feet The Lord Bishop with the whole Litter of Romish Whelps are already quite out of request with the generality of the NATION And for true Spiritual Wisdom and Learning I may send the best of them to my Brother How the Cobler Vpon whose Book Intituled The Sufficiency of the Spirits teaching One long since wrote the following Verses What How How now Hath How such Learning found To throw Arts Curious Image to the Ground Oxford and Cambridge may their Glory now Vail to a Cobler if they knew but How Though big with Art they cannot over-top The Spirits Teaching in a Coblers Shop Reader if thou a humane Artist be Let Humane Learning be no Judge for thee But leave thy Arts and try this Coblers End And see if it be by the Spirit penn'd Mean time adieu ye Arts and Artists all The Spirits Teaching may attend the Aull And thou brave Cobler Blow another Blast Vpon their Learning though thou Blow thy Last Husb. ANd now Wife I have made this Piece ready for the Press I must get you to go to Madam Bennet's and get a Lady or two of hers to go with you to my Lord of Canterbury's to get it Licensed Wife Pray Husband don't ask me to do such a thing I 'll hear a better Report of my Lady Bennet and my Lord of Canterbury too before I 'll go near either of them License it your self if you will Husb. Why then Wife since you are so coy of your Credit I 'll e'en do it my self and save you a labour PErlegi hunc Tractatum cui titulus Room for the Cobler of Gloucester and his Wife In quo nihil reperio veritati aut malis mâ—ribus contrarium Imprimatur Ralph Wallis