a_o confusion_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v by_o which_o i_o be_v again_o hinder_v from_o my_o duty_n be_v willing_a to_o try_v that_o doctrine_n i_o not_o have_v hear_v the_o like_o before_o it_o be_v full_a of_o entice_a word_n of_o man_n wisdom_n which_o i_o do_v with_o as_o much_o diligence_n try_v for_o some_o time_n examine_v the_o scripture_n about_o it_o as_o ever_o i_o do_v any_o doctrine_n but_o can_v find_v nothing_o in_o it_o but_o confusion_n a_o mere_a sound_n of_o word_n some_o of_o those_o big_a swell_a word_n of_o vanity_n speak_v of_o judas_n 16._o 2_o pet._n 2._o 18._o so_o through_o mercy_n i_o leave_v it_o and_o escape_v that_o snare_n which_o i_o desire_v to_o remember_v to_o the_o praise_n of_o god_n then_o i_o resolve_v to_o prosecute_v my_o former_a purpose_n in_o relation_n to_o those_o duty_n before_o mention_v yet_o still_o linger_a in_o babylon_n till_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o a_o stretched-out_a arm_n and_o clear_a voice_n to_o bring_v to_o my_o remembrance_n those_o word_n in_o the_o 22._o chapter_n of_o the_o act_n verse_n 6._o arise_v and_o be_v baptize_v why_o tarrye_v thou_o and_o as_o i_o remember_v for_o some_o day_n together_o whatever_o i_o be_v do_v those_o word_n be_v much_o in_o my_o thought_n than_o i_o begin_v to_o take_v particular_a notice_n of_o it_o apply_v it_o to_o my_o own_o condition_n whether_o i_o be_v able_a to_o give_v a_o reason_n why_o i_o tarry_v the_o lord_n have_v remove_v all_o my_o scruple_n and_o answer_v all_o my_o objection_n and_o speak_v of_o it_o to_o my_o husband_n who_o be_v then_o much_o in_o the_o same_o condition_n i_o remember_v we_o have_v some_o discourse_n about_o it_o and_o the_o result_n be_v that_o the_o next_o first_o day_n we_o will_v go_v to_o the_o church_n where_o we_o have_v often_o hear_v and_o declare_v what_o god_n have_v do_v for_o we_o in_o the_o great_a work_n of_o conversion_n desire_v also_o to_o obey_v he_o in_o all_o his_o command_n which_o according_o we_o do_v and_o give_v they_o full_a satisfaction_n and_o the_o week_n follow_v be_v baptize_v and_o add_v to_o the_o church_n be_v sweet_o satisfy_v and_o comfort_v therein_o and_o as_o for_o my_o former_a scruple_n i_o be_v trouble_v no_o more_o with_o they_o and_o in_o particular_a as_o to_o hear_n out_o of_o the_o church_n i_o never_o desire_v it_o since_o but_o god_n be_v please_v and_o still_o be_v to_o satisfy_v i_o with_o the_o fatness_n of_o his_o house_n feed_v i_o with_o green_a pasture_n there_o and_o sit_v under_o the_o shadow_n of_o christ_n his_o fruit_n be_v sweet_a to_o my_o taste_n which_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v be_v find_v so_o do_v as_o he_o have_v command_v until_o his_o second_o come_v some_o brief_a observation_n upon_o this_o four_o note_n of_o experience_n first_o concern_v those_o thought_n that_o though_o i_o have_v nothing_o to_o do_v to_o be_v save_v yet_o i_o have_v much_o to_o do_v to_o glorify_v god_n etc._n etc._n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o as_o it_o be_v the_o duty_n of_o all_o that_o have_v receive_v the_o grace_n of_o god_n to_o be_v active_a for_o his_o glory_n so_o it_o be_v the_o nature_n of_o grace_n to_o teach_v and_o engage_v saint_n to_o do_v the_o same_o second_o concern_v my_o ignorance_n of_o baptism_n and_o other_o ordinance_n notwithstanding_o all_o my_o former_a experience_n in_o point_n of_o faith_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o person_n may_v have_v much_o experience_n in_o point_n of_o privilege_n and_o yet_o be_v ignorant_a of_o their_o duty_n as_o indeed_o we_o be_v more_o apt_a to_o learn_v the_o one_o than_o the_o other_o three_o concern_v my_o ignorance_n of_o that_o which_o be_v so_o plain_o express_v in_o scripture_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o light_n discover_v darkness_n and_o though_o truth_n be_v never_o so_o plain_o express_v yet_o ignorance_n can_v apprehend_v it_o four_o concern_v those_o interruption_n and_o temptation_n that_o keep_v i_o from_o my_o duty_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o natural_o we_o be_v so_o averse_a to_o duty_n that_o we_o be_v a_o long_a time_n before_o we_o know_v our_o duty_n and_o when_o we_o know_v they_o we_o be_v subject_a to_o be_v keep_v from_o do_v they_o by_o very_a trifle_n and_o that_o it_o be_v satan_n policy_n if_o he_o can_v keep_v we_o from_o know_v our_o duty_n to_o cast_v stumbling-block_n in_o our_o way_n if_o possible_a to_o keep_v we_o we_o from_o do_v they_o 2._o i_o observe_v that_o though_o christ_n yoke_n be_v easy_a yet_o we_o be_v hardly_o bring_v to_o put_v it_o on_o five_o concern_v the_o first_o hindrance_n that_o i_o think_v it_o some_o bondage_n to_o be_v in_o a_o church_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o through_o ignorance_n of_o the_o nature_n of_o christian_a liberty_n we_o be_v too_o subject_a to_o think_v that_o bondage_n which_o be_v not_o only_a liberty_n but_o a_o great_a privilege_n six_o concern_v the_o second_o hindrance_n which_o be_v the_o unsuitable_a walking_n of_o some_o particular_a person_n then_o in_o the_o church_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o the_o consideration_n of_o our_o stumble_n at_o the_o fail_n of_o other_o shall_v make_v we_o careful_a lest_o we_o occasion_n other_o to_o stumble_v at_o we_o seven_o concern_v the_o three_o hindrance_n that_o it_o be_v our_o liberty_n whether_o we_o will_v walk_v in_o church_n and_o submit_v to_o ordinance_n or_o not_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o we_o be_v natural_o so_o addict_v to_o liberty_n that_o we_o be_v many_o time_n ready_a to_o cast_v off_o all_o obedience_n and_o to_o look_v on_o the_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n as_o indifferent_a thing_n eight_o concern_v the_o four_o hindrance_n fear_v lest_o i_o have_v not_o faith_n enough_o to_o suffer_v for_o it_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o distrustful_a thought_n of_o future_a mercy_n many_o time_n keep_v we_o from_o improve_n present_a mercy_n nineth_o concern_v those_o conviction_n that_o though_o i_o be_v scruple_v about_o truth_n yet_o can_v not_o leave_v it_o so_o but_o endeavour_v after_o full_a satisfaction_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o strong_a conviction_n be_v not_o easy_o put_v out_o and_o where_o grace_n be_v predominant_a there_o will_v be_v a_o endeavour_v not_o to_o smother_v but_o to_o answer_v they_o ten_o concern_v that_o other_o hindrance_n by_o strange_a doctrine_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o as_o faith_n come_v by_o hear_v so_o there_o may_v be_v a_o hear_n that_o tend_v to_o the_o prejudice_n of_o faith_n and_o such_o i_o conclude_v be_v all_o hear_n out_o of_o the_o way_n of_o god_n though_o some_o more_o some_o less_o i_o mean_v public_a hear_n out_o of_o the_o church_n of_o god_n and_o though_o some_o do_v judge_v it_o their_o liberty_n and_o privilege_n so_o to_o do_v i_o must_v needs_o confess_v i_o can_v so_o judge_v for_o though_o possible_o glorious_a thing_n may_v be_v speak_v yet_o what_o privilege_n can_v it_o be_v for_o saint_n to_o hear_v glorious_a thing_n where_o there_o be_v no_o promise_n of_o a_o blessing_n from_o god_n and_o therefore_o i_o may_v say_v as_o the_o apostle_n of_o speak_v in_o a_o unknown_a tongue_n i_o have_v wrather_o hear_v five_o word_n from_o a_o true_a ministry_n or_o in_o a_o church_n of_o christ_n where_o he_o have_v promise_v his_o blessing_n and_o presence_n than_o five_o thousand_o elsewhere_o though_o i_o desire_v in_o a_o personal_a way_n to_o own_o and_o embrace_v all_o or_o any_o appearance_n of_o god_n where_o ever_o i_o find_v it_o and_o can_v upon_o that_o account_n true_o say_v i_o do_v much_o respect_n love_n and_o delight_n in_o some_o who_o be_v not_o yet_o come_v up_o to_o the_o true_a worship_n of_o christ_n in_o his_o church_n but_o i_o must_v be_v true_a to_o my_o principle_n i_o can_v see_v how_o we_o that_o be_v according_a to_o the_o gosspel_n join_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o his_o church_n by_o which_o we_o hold_v out_o to_o the_o world_n a_o visible_a profession_n of_o his_o name_n and_o a_o separation_n from_o all_o false_a way_n of_o worship_n which_o in_o our_o principle_n we_o judge_v they_o who_o be_v not_o right_o constitute_v with_o we_o according_a to_o the_o appointment_n and_o practice_n of_o christ_n and_o his_o apostle_n to_o be_v no_o other_o i_o say_v i_o can_v see_v how_o we_o can_v meet_v with_o they_o in_o their_o public_a worship_n to_o hear_v their_o minister_n or_o in_o any_o other_o spiritual_a duty_n but_o it_o be_v a_o cross_v our_o own_o principle_n as_o thus_o they_o own_v themselves_o true_a church_n and_o minister_n of_o christ_n the_o ignorant_a world_n know_v not_o but_o they_o be_v so_o we_o by_o our_o presence_n be_v silent_a do_v say_v
the_o same_o though_o in_o our_o judgement_n we_o can_v so_o own_v they_o which_o be_v a_o plain_a contradiction_n in_o our_o principle_n we_o say_v they_o be_v not_o church_n and_o minister_n of_o christ_n by_o our_o practice_n we_o say_v they_o be_v as_o have_v be_v mind_v second_o as_o it_o be_v a_o contradiction_n of_o our_o own_o principle_n so_o it_o have_v have_v such_o effect_n which_o be_v too_o visible_a and_o remain_v unto_o this_o day_n i_o must_v confess_v in_o my_o most_o serious_a thought_n i_o have_v wonder_v what_o shall_v be_v the_o reason_n that_o any_o in_o the_o house_n of_o god_n shall_v desire_v to_o be_v elsewhere_o i_o be_o sure_a there_o be_v no_o reason_n to_o be_v give_v for_o it_o neither_o from_o scripture_n nor_o experience_n therefore_o i_o conclude_v it_o be_v either_o from_o ignorance_n &_o so_o person_n in_o their_o practice_n cross_v their_o own_o principle_n and_o not_o know_v it_o or_o else_o it_o be_v from_o corrupt_a principle_n or_o else_o they_o be_v overcome_v by_o some_o violent_a temptation_n as_o to_o the_o 1._o of_o these_o i_o trust_v there_o be_v not_o many_o in_o the_o house_n of_o god_n so_o ignorant_a as_o to_o the_o 2._o it_o be_v the_o desire_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o god_n will_v reprove_v &_o show_v they_o the_o evil_a of_o such_o principle_n and_o recover_v they_o out_o of_o such_o snare_n as_o to_o the_o 3._o let_v they_o take_v heed_n lest_o have_v put_v their_o hand_n to_o the_o plough_n and_o look_v back_o they_o become_v unfit_a for_o the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n luke_n 9_o 62._o and_o let_v they_o likewise_o take_v heed_n of_o please_a man_n or_o halt_v between_o two_o opinion_n but_o if_o god_n be_v god_n follow_v he_o if_o baal_n follow_v he_o 1_o king_n 28_o 21._o this_o may_v seem_v harsh_a language_n to_o some_o but_o i_o be_o satisfy_v that_o what_o i_o have_v write_v have_v not_o be_v from_o a_o censorious_a spirit_n to_o judge_n of_o the_o final_a state_n of_o any_o or_o to_o question_v the_o grace_n of_o god_n in_o any_o where_o it_o do_v appear_v in_o the_o least_o measure_n and_o therefore_o let_v none_o say_v that_o because_o i_o can_v own_v any_o to_o be_v true_a church_n or_o minister_n of_o christ_n but_o such_o as_o be_v in_o the_o same_o order_n with_o we_o that_o therefore_o i_o say_v there_o be_v nothing_o of_o god_n or_o truth_n in_o they_o or_o that_o none_o shall_v be_v save_v but_o ourselves_o or_o that_o we_o love_v none_o but_o those_o of_o our_o own_o judgement_n which_o if_o any_o do_v so_o think_v or_o speak_v of_o we_o it_o be_v a_o very_a great_a mistake_n for_o if_o i_o may_v speak_v for_o other_o as_o i_o have_v already_o say_v i_o do_v upon_o a_o godly_a account_n love_n and_o delight_n in_o some_o who_o be_v not_o in_o our_o church_n and_o do_v wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o those_o glorious_a promise_n when_o they_o and_o we_o shall_v have_v a_o pure_a language_n &_o shall_v call_v upon_o the_o lord_n &_o serve_v he_o with_o one_o consent_n and_o when_o we_o shall_v have_v one_o heart_n and_o one_o way_n and_o there_o shall_v be_v one_o lord_n and_o his_o name_n one_o zeph._n 3._o 9_o jer._n 32._o 39_o zach._n 14._o 9_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n let_v none_o under_o a_o pretence_n of_o wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o such_o promise_n as_o these_o grow_v cold_a and_o indifferent_a in_o the_o great_a thing_n of_o god_n for_o none_o can_v true_o wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o promise_n but_o such_o as_o do_v wait_v in_o a_o close_o walk_v with_o god_n according_a to_o that_o measure_n of_o light_n receive_v and_o so_o those_o that_o have_v but_o a_o little_a of_o the_o knowledge_n of_o god_n let_v they_o follow_v on_o to_o know_v the_o lord_n hosea_n 6._o 3._o and_o let_v those_o that_o be_v in_o the_o faith_n earnest_o contend_v for_o it_o judas_n 3._o and_o such_o as_o be_v in_o gospel_n church_n let_v they_o stand_v fast_o in_o one_o spirit_n with_o one_o mind_n strive_v together_o for_o the_o faith_n of_o the_o gospel_n phil._n 1._o 27._o and_o let_v every_o one_o that_o name_v the_o name_n of_o christ_n depart_v from_o iniquity_n 2_o timothy_n 2._o 19_o and_o those_o that_o love_v the_o lord_n hate_v evil_a psalm_n 97._o 10._o and_o as_o i_o desire_v that_o none_o may_v slight_v grow_v cold_a or_o indifferent_a in_o the_o great_a thing_n of_o god_n under_o a_o pretence_n of_o wait_v for_o high_a enjoyment_n or_o discovery_n which_o shall_v be_v in_o the_o late_a day_n so_o i_o desire_v likewise_o that_o none_o may_v plead_v against_o the_o truth_n under_o a_o pretence_n of_o love_n as_o many_o do_v in_o these_o day_n labour_v to_o confound_v light_n with_o darkness_n truth_n with_o error_n and_o to_o make_v a_o agreement_n where_o god_n have_v make_v none_o let_v such_o know_v that_o true_a spiritual_a love_n as_o it_o be_v wrought_v in_o the_o heart_n by_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n so_o it_o be_v bound_v within_o the_o limit_n of_o truth_n love_n and_o truth_n go_v hand_n in_o hand_n it_o be_v so_o fix_v upon_o god_n that_o it_o love_v all_o in_o and_o for_o he_o spiritual_a love_n must_v have_v a_o spiritual_a object_n and_o as_o the_o object_n be_v more_o or_o less_o visible_a so_o be_v that_o love_n it_o can_v love_v every_o thing_n alike_o nay_o it_o work_n as_o well_o by_o hatred_n of_o evil_a as_o approve_v that_o which_o be_v good_a psa_n 101._o psa_fw-la 97._o 10._o rev._n 2._o 6._o psa_fw-la 119._o 122_o 128._o it_o love_v that_o which_o god_n love_v and_o hate_v that_o which_o he_o hate_v it_o love_v the_o word_n of_o god_n the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n and_o the_o people_n of_o god_n and_o hate_v all_o that_o be_v in_o opposition_n to_o these_o it_o rejoice_v not_o in_o iniquity_n but_o rejoice_v in_o the_o truth_n 1_o cor._n 13._o 6._o this_o be_v true_a spiritual_a love_n in_o which_o we_o be_v to_o receive_v every_o truth_n and_o by_o which_o faith_n work_v 2_o thes_n 2._o 10._o gal._n 5._o 6._o and_o i_o dare_v affirm_v whatever_o person_n may_v pretend_v of_o spiritual_a love_n that_o be_v not_o of_o this_o nature_n it_o be_v a_o mere_a delusion_n and_o that_o all_o that_o fear_v the_o lord_n ought_v to_o take_v heed_n of_o it_o the_o five_o note_n of_o experience_n concern_v notion_n and_o pretend_a spirituality_n in_o which_o satan_n transform_v himself_o into_o a_o angel_n of_o light_n and_o how_o far_o i_o be_v deceive_v by_o it_o and_o how_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o recover_v i_o out_o of_o it_o be_v now_o through_o much_o mercy_n bring_v out_o of_o babylon_n into_o zion_n to_o partake_v of_o those_o dainty_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v prepare_v for_o his_o people_n there_o satan_n that_o grand_a enemy_n of_o mankind_n who_o go_v about_o like_o a_o roar_a lion_n seek_v who_o he_o may_v devour_v 1_o pet._n 5._o 8._o envy_n my_o happiness_n and_o wait_v his_o opportunity_n to_o catch_v i_o as_o a_o fish_n in_o the_o water_n cover_v his_o hook_n with_o a_o bait_n of_o mystery_n and_o spirituality_n who_o though_o i_o have_v escape_v he_o in_o all_o his_o former_a appearance_n as_o a_o devil_n yet_o now_o transform_v himself_o into_o a_o angel_n of_o light_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o ever_o thereby_o to_o beguile_v and_o deceive_v i_o know_v that_o those_o that_o be_v so_o deceive_v be_v the_o fit_a agent_n to_o promote_v his_o kingdom_n and_o that_o many_o time_n he_o prevail_v this_o way_n when_o he_o can_v prevail_v no_o other_o way_n draw_v person_n to_o that_o by_o degree_n through_o corrupt_a principle_n which_o they_o will_v have_v tremble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o before_o they_o have_v such_o principle_n but_o god_n be_v please_v not_o only_o to_o keep_v i_o from_o such_o thing_n but_o also_o discover_v to_o i_o the_o way_n by_o which_o person_n be_v bring_v to_o such_o thing_n that_o so_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o his_o grace_n i_o may_v avoid_v those_o way_n and_o also_o forewarn_v other_o to_o avoid_v they_o likewise_o but_o before_o i_o be_v bring_v to_o discover_v satan_n under_o these_o veil_n by_o harken_v to_o the_o voice_n of_o the_o tempter_n in_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o i_o desire_v ever_o to_o be_v humble_v in_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n i_o be_v deceive_v and_o beguile_v by_o he_o in_o some_o particular_a thing_n and_o that_o after_o this_o manner_n after_o we_o have_v live_v some_o time_n in_o london_n walk_v with_o the_o church_n in_o the_o practice_n of_o the_o gospel_n it_o please_v god_n to_o remove_v our_o habitation_n into_o the_o country_n where_o we_o have_v not_o that_o privilege_n and_o after_o a_o while_n my_o husband_n be_v in_o the_o army_n it_o occasion_v our_o
will_v save_v or_o damn_v i_o at_o last_o i_o know_v not_o neither_o do_v i_o think_v it_o possible_a for_o i_o ever_o to_o have_v know_v that_o except_o it_o be_v by_o some_o extraordinary_a way_n which_o very_o few_o do_v attain_v unto_o but_o by_o degree_n i_o begin_v to_o stay_v upon_o some_o promise_n through_o such_o consideration_n as_o these_o first_o i_o think_v it_o can_v not_o stand_v with_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n to_o damn_v a_o poor_a soul_n that_o have_v such_o heart-working_n and_o desire_n after_o he_o as_o i_o have_v have_v much_o in_o my_o thought_n those_o word_n of_o sampsons_n mother_n judges_z 13._o 23._o i_o think_v that_o if_o he_o do_v intend_v to_o destroy_v i_o he_o will_v never_o have_v give_v i_o such_o desire_n after_o he_o &_o preserve_v i_o till_o now_o and_o then_o that_o promise_n mat._n 5._o 6._o do_v much_o support_v i_o for_o i_o think_v that_o if_o ever_o poor_a creature_n do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n i_o do_v these_o promise_n and_o consideration_n with_o some_o confuse_a apprehension_n that_o i_o have_v concern_v the_o lord_n jesus_n do_v much_o raise_v i_o the_o thought_n i_o have_v of_o he_o be_v such_o as_o these_o i_o do_v believe_v that_o the_o justice_n of_o god_n must_v be_v satisfy_v for_o sin_n and_o that_o nothing_o can_v satisfy_v his_o justice_n but_o a_o perfect_a righteousness_n now_o i_o think_v i_o be_v to_o be_v very_o strict_a and_o circumspect_a in_o all_o my_o way_n if_o it_o be_v possible_a to_o perform_v such_o a_o righteousness_n but_o what_o i_o can_v not_o do_v christ_n have_v do_v for_o i_o and_o when_o i_o have_v do_v any_o thing_n that_o i_o think_v be_v sin_n i_o can_v not_o apply_v christ_n till_o i_o have_v repent_v that_o be_v till_o i_o have_v mourn_v fast_v and_o pray_v afflict_v myself_o in_o such_o a_o measure_n as_o i_o think_v may_v stand_v with_o the_o not_o destroy_v or_o prejudice_v nature_n for_o there_o god_n will_v have_v mercy_n rather_o than_o sacrifice_v and_o jesus_n christ_n will_v make_v up_o that_o which_o be_v want_v so_o that_o christ_n be_v my_o stay_n though_o it_o be_v through_o a_o very_a carnal_a and_o wrong_a apprehension_n but_o though_o i_o think_v i_o must_v be_v so_o qualify_v and_o fit_v for_o christ_n before_o i_o can_v receive_v he_o and_o be_v make_v happy_a by_o he_o yet_o i_o know_v there_o be_v no_o mercy_n to_o be_v find_v without_o he_o nor_o no_o life_n but_o in_o he_o in_o this_o condition_n i_o live_v some_o year_n more_o and_o grow_v very_o cheerful_a &_o confident_a as_o i_o think_v it_o be_v possible_a to_o be_v under_o such_o a_o apprehension_n but_o yet_o my_o confidence_n be_v always_o more_o or_o less_o as_o i_o be_v more_o or_o less_o strict_a in_o my_o way_n and_o sometime_o though_o i_o have_v be_v never_o so_o strict_a yet_o i_o be_v subject_a to_o fear_v leave_v i_o have_v not_o do_v as_o much_o as_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o do_v for_o otherways_o i_o think_v christ_n will_v be_v nothing_o at_o all_o to_o i_o yet_o my_o hope_n be_v great_a than_o my_o fear_n and_o i_o be_v resolve_v if_o i_o perish_v i_o will_v perish_v here_o at_o the_o foot_n of_o christ_n and_o now_o i_o do_v not_o only_o see_v that_o possible_a which_o before_o i_o think_v impossible_a but_o i_o have_v great_a hope_n and_o much_o confidence_n most_o time_n this_o apprehension_n though_o it_o be_v that_o which_o be_v far_o below_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n in_o the_o gospel_n yet_o it_o do_v present_a christ_n very_o lovely_a to_o i_o and_o do_v produce_v in_o i_o a_o real_a love_n to_o he_o as_o i_o dare_v not_o but_o so_o judge_n consider_v how_o i_o stand_v affect_v to_o and_o delight_v in_o whatever_o i_o know_v to_o be_v his_o will_n though_o i_o must_v confess_v i_o think_v at_o the_o first_o the_o great_a wheel_n that_o carry_v all_o about_o be_v my_o own_o good_a yet_o i_o be_o very_o confident_a that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v a_o real_a love_n to_o &_o delight_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o his_o commandment_n be_v not_o grievous_a to_o i_o but_o i_o do_v approve_v of_o they_o to_o be_v the_o most_o excellent_a thing_n because_o approve_v of_o by_o the_o lord_n and_o i_o well_o remember_v i_o be_v so_o far_o take_v off_o from_o delight_v in_o sin_n that_o i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v i_o do_v hate_v it_o with_o a_o perfect_a hatred_n as_o that_o which_o be_v in_o itself_o the_o only_a object_n of_o hatred_n as_o it_o be_v against_o god_n and_o all_o my_o delight_n be_v to_o be_v with_o those_o that_o i_o think_v do_v excel_v in_o virtue_n and_o i_o can_v not_o bear_v wicked_a person_n but_o their_o way_n and_o practice_n be_v odious_a to_o i_o yet_o still_o i_o say_v my_o condition_n at_o this_o time_n be_v a_o condition_n of_o extreme_a bondage_n and_o below_o the_o gospel_n i_o shall_v say_v no_o more_o of_o it_o but_o only_o this_o that_o what_o i_o have_v here_o write_v i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v be_v not_o the_o hundred_o part_n of_o the_o labour_n and_o travel_n of_o my_o soul_n while_o i_o live_v in_o that_o condition_n and_o if_o i_o shall_v go_v about_o to_o write_v it_o all_o i_o know_v not_o how_o nor_o when_o to_o make_v a_o end_n but_o god_n be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o free_v i_o from_o that_o bondage_n by_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o love_n and_o grace_n through_o his_o son_n to_o who_o be_v all_o praise_n and_o glory_n for_o ever_o more_o amen_n some_o brief_a observation_n from_o this_o second_o note_n of_o experience_n first_o concern_v the_o person_n by_o who_o my_o experience_n in_o these_o thing_n begin_v which_o be_v one_o as_o i_o judge_v not_o right_o call_v or_o send_v to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n he_o not_o be_v relate_v to_o a_o true_a church_n though_o otherwise_o i_o hope_v a_o godly_a man_n according_a to_o that_o measure_n of_o light_n he_o have_v receive_v from_o whence_o i_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o godly_a man_n in_o time_n of_o ignorance_n and_o darkness_n to_o be_v a_o minister_n of_o a_o false_a church_n second_o i_o observe_v that_o though_o it_o be_v not_o the_o work_n of_o a_o false_a ministry_n neither_o be_v it_o the_o way_n of_o god_n to_o convert_v soul_n by_o yet_o accidental_o or_o providential_o something_o may_v be_v do_v that_o way_n by_o they_o especial_o in_o time_n of_o persecution_n where_o there_o be_v not_o a_o true_a ministry_n abroad_o as_o indeed_o i_o be_o much_o incline_v to_o own_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n to_o be_v begin_v in_o i_o at_o this_o time_n and_o that_o for_o these_o reason_n first_o because_o now_o be_v the_o day_n of_o god_n power_n noâ—_n only_o to_o make_v i_o willing_a but_o there_o be_v some_o change_n wrought_v in_o the_o whole_a soul_n and_o every_o faculty_n of_o it_o which_o before_o be_v dead_a have_v now_o some_o life_n and_o motion_n in_o thing_n relate_v to_o god_n and_o godliness_n as_o the_o understanding_n be_v open_v so_o the_o will_n be_v change_v and_o make_v willing_a to_o submit_v to_o truth_n and_o to_o embrace_v the_o way_n of_o life_n though_o it_o be_v through_o the_o great_a difficulty_n yet_o in_o much_o darkness_n and_o then_o the_o affection_n be_v take_v and_o though_o there_o be_v but_o a_o little_a glimpse_n of_o truth_n appear_v yet_o there_o be_v a_o love_n to_o it_o and_o delight_n in_o it_o and_o a_o great_a hatred_n of_o the_o contrary_a all_o which_o i_o apprehend_v can_v not_o be_v but_o from_o some_o seed_n of_o the_o gospel_n though_o through_o false_a teach_n there_o be_v not_o that_o bless_a fruit_n of_o joy_n and_o peace_n in_o believe_v also_o the_o memory_n be_v active_a and_o busy_a to_o retain_v truth_n so_o that_o here_o be_v some_o change_n wrought_v in_o the_o whole_a soul_n as_o aforesaid_a a_o second_o reason_n be_v because_o when_o i_o lie_v under_o conviction_n of_o sin_n by_o the_o law_n and_o be_v ready_a to_o sink_v under_o my_o burden_n that_o which_o do_v support_v and_o uphold_v my_o spirit_n be_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n though_o my_o apprehension_n of_o he_o be_v not_o according_a to_o the_o gospel_n as_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n therein_o contain_v a_o three_o reason_n be_v from_o the_o consideration_n of_o that_o fruit_n which_o do_v appear_v at_o that_o time_n which_o be_v a_o entire_a love_n to_o christ_n and_o a_o conversation_n suitable_a thereunto_o according_a to_o the_o light_n then_o receive_v for_o there_o be_v not_o only_o a_o do_v good_a but_o a_o love_n to_o it_o and_o delight_n in_o it_o and_o there_o be_v not_o only_o a_o forbear_n evil_a
truth_n another_o reason_n why_o many_o saint_n be_v so_o deceive_v in_o those_o day_n as_o i_o apprehend_v be_v that_o they_o be_v but_o new_o come_v to_o the_o faith_n be_v expose_v to_o great_a temptation_n have_v but_o little_a mean_n of_o strength_n against_o they_o it_o may_v be_v far_o from_o a_o church_n or_o else_o in_o a_o church_n where_o be_v false_a teacher_n as_o in_o those_o day_n there_o be_v very_o many_o by_o reason_n of_o which_o many_o be_v deceive_v whereas_o other_o who_o be_v as_o weak_a if_o not_o weak_a be_v in_o church_n where_o there_o be_v sound_a teacher_n be_v keep_v from_o they_o which_o may_v be_v a_o caution_n as_o to_o particular_a person_n to_o take_v heed_n what_o and_o who_o they_o hear_v so_o to_o church_n who_o they_o permit_v to_o be_v teacher_n and_o not_o to_o suffer_v any_o unsound_a doctrine_n to_o be_v teach_v it_o may_v also_o be_v a_o word_n of_o remembrance_n to_o all_o that_o do_v enjoy_v this_o great_a mercy_n to_o have_v sound_a and_o faithful_a teacher_n high_o to_o esteem_v they_o for_o their_o work_n sake_n and_o to_o account_v such_o worthy_a of_o double_a honour_n give_v they_o all_o due_a respect_n and_o encouragement_n that_o they_o may_v do_v their_o work_n with_o joy_n and_o not_o with_o grief_n according_a to_o hebrew_n 13._o 17._o 1_o thessaly_n 5._o 12_o 13._o 1_o timothy_n 5._o 17._o other_o reason_n may_v be_v give_v for_o the_o saint_n mistake_v in_o those_o thing_n but_o i_o shall_v mention_v no_o more_o intend_v only_o my_o own_o experience_n for_o i_o can_v true_o say_v that_o upon_o a_o diligent_a search_n and_o enquiry_n what_o may_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o own_o mistake_n i_o find_v they_o to_o be_v no_o other_o but_o these_o very_a thing_n express_v as_o first_o i_o be_v weak_a in_o principle_n as_o indeed_o i_o have_v never_o be_v under_o much_o mean_n to_o be_v otherwise_o second_o i_o be_o conscious_a to_o myself_o of_o some_o extreme_a in_o mind_v truth_n as_o it_o relate_v to_o the_o inward_a man_n though_o true_o i_o know_v not_o that_o i_o do_v slight_v any_o ordinance_n or_o command_n of_o christ_n but_o that_o i_o do_v rather_o high_o esteem_v of_o they_o but_o not_o to_o lessen_v sin_n it_o be_v possible_a there_o may_v be_v something_o of_o that_o nature_n though_o i_o know_v it_o not_o three_o i_o be_o sure_a i_o be_v expose_v to_o great_a temptation_n of_o this_o kind_n have_v little_a mean_n of_o strength_n against_o they_o find_v so_o many_o corrupt_a though_o through_o mercy_n it_o be_v better_a now_o that_o breach_n be_v make_v up_o with_o great_a advantage_n for_o which_o i_o desire_v with_o all_o saint_n to_o praise_v the_o lord_n for_o ever_o for_o doubtless_o the_o saint_n advantage_n in_o their_o enlarge_a experience_n and_o confirmation_n in_o the_o truth_n be_v so_o great_a by_o these_o thing_n that_o i_o can_v express_v it_o again_o it_o call_v for_o praise_n that_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v turn_v it_o to_o our_o great_a advantage_n so_o he_o have_v wonderful_o disappoint_v the_o expectation_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o wicked_a man_n who_o be_v ready_a to_o say_v as_o in_o psa_n 35._o 25._o all_o so_o will_v we_o have_v it_o very_o conclude_v that_o though_o they_o can_v not_o suppress_v we_o by_o their_o persecute_v power_n yet_o now_o we_o will_v destroy_v ourselves_o as_o indeed_o we_o may_v have_v so_o do_v have_v not_o the_o lord_n prevent_v and_o we_o may_v say_v it_o be_v the_o lord_n do_v and_o it_o be_v marvellous_a in_o our_o eye_n and_o whereas_o some_o by_o reason_n of_o those_o thing_n have_v be_v ready_a to_o question_v our_o practice_n whether_o it_o be_v of_o god_n let_v they_o know_v that_o there_o be_v no_o ground_n from_o thence_o to_o question_v it_o see_v it_o be_v no_o more_o than_o what_o have_v be_v in_o those_o church_n in_o the_o apostle_n day_n and_o what_o they_o do_v foretell_v shall_v be_v in_o these_o day_n 1_o corinth_n 15._o 12._o 1_o timothy_n 1._o 19_o 2_o timothy_n 2._o 18._o 2_o peter_n 2._o 12._o act_n 20._o 30._o but_o if_o it_o be_v a_o safe_a ground_n to_o judge_v of_o truth_n by_o what_o have_v appear_v in_o relation_n to_o those_o thing_n than_o there_o be_v more_o ground_n of_o confirmation_n that_o what_o we_o practise_v be_v of_o god_n see_v that_o notwithstanding_o those_o thing_n we_o have_v be_v so_o wonderful_o preserve_v as_o we_o be_v unto_o this_o day_n but_o though_o these_o thing_n may_v be_v something_o as_o to_o the_o ignorant_a yet_o yet_o the_o rule_n by_o which_o we_o judge_v of_o our_o practice_n be_v only_o as_o it_o have_v its_o ground_n and_o rise_v in_o holy_a scripture_n be_v build_v upon_o the_o foundation_n of_o the_o apostle_n and_o prophet_n jesus_n christ_n himself_o be_v the_o chief_a corner_n stone_n therefore_o it_o have_v never_o be_v any_o scruple_n at_o all_o to_o i_o for_o though_o some_o have_v deny_v the_o church_n and_o turn_v their_o ear_n from_o hear_v the_o truth_n and_o have_v turn_v to_o fable_n yet_o the_o church_n and_o truth_n be_v the_o same_o as_o god_n be_v the_o same_o now_o as_o for_o the_o ground_n or_o reason_n why_o some_o of_o the_o saint_n themselves_o have_v so_o do_v i_o shall_v say_v nothing_o because_o as_o i_o say_v before_o i_o intend_v no_o more_o but_o my_o own_o experience_n and_o through_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n i_o be_v never_o so_o far_o corrupt_v as_o to_o question_v either_o the_o scripture_n church_n or_o ordinance_n of_o christ_n much_o less_o to_o withdraw_v from_o they_o or_o to_o give_v any_o just_a occasion_n to_o be_v withdraw_v from_o by_o they_o yet_o notwithstanding_o i_o do_v not_o in_o the_o least_o question_n the_o reality_n of_o those_o poor_a soul_n who_o have_v be_v so_o far_o overcome_v and_o be_v through_o mercy_n again_o return_v and_o as_o for_o such_o as_o never_o return_v i_o shall_v leave_v they_o to_o be_v judge_v by_o the_o lord_n who_o only_o be_v the_o judge_n of_o those_o that_o be_v without_o 1_o cor._n 5._o 13._o have_v thus_o far_o consider_v of_o these_o allegorical_a notion_n how_o they_o be_v the_o worst_a of_o all_o error_n and_o the_o great_a mystery_n of_o iniquity_n in_o that_o they_o be_v more_o deceive_a than_o other_o promise_v the_o great_a good_a but_o lead_v direct_o to_o the_o great_a evil_n and_o have_v give_v some_o reason_n as_o i_o judge_v why_o the_o saint_n in_o these_o day_n have_v be_v so_o general_o deceive_v by_o they_o i_o shall_v further_o proceed_v to_o consider_v what_o may_v be_v the_o end_n of_o god_n in_o permit_v it_o so_o to_o be_v first_o i_o conceive_v it_o may_v be_v in_o general_a that_o such_o as_o be_v approve_v may_v be_v make_v manifest_a agreeable_a to_o 1_o cor._n 11._o 9_o which_o according_o have_v be_v many_o by_o those_o thing_n be_v make_v manifest_a to_o be_v approve_v though_o other_o that_o be_v not_o have_v appear_v to_o be_v what_o they_o be_v but_o second_o and_o more_o particular_o i_o believe_v the_o lord_n have_v many_o good_a end_n in_o it_o both_o in_o relation_n to_o himself_o in_o relation_n to_o they_o and_o in_o relation_n to_o other_o of_o his_o people_n it_o may_v be_v some_o that_o be_v yet_o unborn_a first_o in_o relation_n to_o himself_o for_o the_o exaltation_n of_o his_o praise_n that_o when_o they_o shall_v come_v to_o see_v how_o great_a their_o deliverance_n be_v and_o what_o a_o addition_n to_o all_o their_o former_a mercy_n they_o may_v admire_v his_o goodness_n and_o break_v forth_o into_o the_o high_a praise_n of_o his_o name_n and_o that_o all_o the_o day_n of_o their_o life_n when_o this_o mercy_n come_v into_o their_o thought_n for_o my_o own_o particular_a i_o can_v true_o say_v that_o the_o mercy_n of_o god_n to_o i_o in_o relation_n to_o those_o thing_n i_o look_v upon_o it_o as_o the_o great_a mercy_n that_o ever_o i_o receive_v from_o the_o lord_n next_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o love_n in_o jesus_n christ_n through_o the_o gospel_n but_o second_o in_o relation_n to_o they_o so_o deceive_v that_o they_o shall_v have_v enlarge_v experience_n of_o the_o fullness_n of_o god_n and_o of_o their_o own_o nothingness_n and_o of_o the_o sweetness_n and_o excellency_n of_o truth_n above_o error_n how_o it_o do_v excel_v it_o as_o far_o as_o light_n excel_v darkness_n and_o live_v more_o upon_o god_n and_o less_o upon_o themselves_o in_o faith_n and_o humility_n and_o in_o the_o increase_n of_o all_o grace_n in_o more_o cleverness_n of_o understanding_n and_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n for_o doubtless_o through_o the_o goodness_n of_o the_o lord_n who_o have_v promise_v to_o do_v his_o people_n good_a by_o every_o thing_n they_o do_v gain_v by_o it_o in_o all_o these_o in_o some_o measure_n