given us warning to be gone wherefore we must seek out new services 2 Maid My Lady is so good a Lady as I wish I could serve her so as to maintain her since she is not able to maintain a servant 1 Maid But since we cannot maintain her nor she us we must leave her Exeunt Scene 43. Enter Roger Trusty to his Lady all in a sweat with running she seeing him come in such haste cries out HYpocondria O help me help me you merciful Powers to destroy me and let me not outlive my Husband Trusty 'T is like the Gods will hear your prayers for ten to one my Master out-lives you Hypocon. VVhy is he alive Trusty Yes and alive's like Hypocon. VVhat makes you sweat so Trusty To bring you the good news of his well-being and to prove the old Proverb a Lyar which sayes Bad Newes hath wings and good Newes no legs Hypocon. Where did you meet your Master Trusty In Westminster-Hall Hypocon. How did he look Trusty Healthful and well Hypocon. Did he seem angry or pleas'd merry or sad Trusty Why he neither seem'd angry nor pleas'd merry nor sad which I wonder'd at for in Lawyers Courts and places of Judicature I never saw any face but was cloathed with a merry green countenance or a sad black countenance or a red cholerick face or a pale malicious face but my Masters face appeared like naked Truth and clean Temperance wash'd white with Innocency being plump with health and smooth with plenty Hypocon. But why did you leave him Trusty VVhy he commanded me so to doe and to run every step to tell you he was comming home and I chose as the wisest to run although I sweat for it than stay and have a broken Head Hypocon. VVell I give you here a twenty-shilling-piece to dry your sweat with a cup of Sack Exi Lady Trusty May all my labours be rewarded thus Maid Ioan. I perceive you take the gift as a due reward and not as my Ladies bounty Trusty Hold your prating what need we thank the Gods if Saints merit Heaven Exeunt Scene 44. Enter the Lady Sprightly and the Lord VVidower her Father LAdy Sprightly Sir I desire you would not think me undutiful to ask you a question for I hope I am not so much in your disfavour as not to resolve me since it is in your power Widower VVell what is 't that you would know Sprightly VVhether you are maried or not Widower VVhat if I am Mariage is lawful Sprightly Yes Sir but I doubt whether it be honourable or not for 't is said you are maried to my Chamber-maid Dol Subtilty Widower Perchance I am Sprightly Then I desire your Lordship will let me marry too Widower VVith all my heart and I shall do my part towards thy mariage but to whom would you be maried Sprightly Your Butler Sir Widower Out upon thee base Girl would you marry a Tapster Sprightly Why Sir a Tapster is as good as a piss-pot emptier besides they say you have done the fellow wrong for she they say was his by promise and if Conscience hath right he ought to have her and perhaps did not Ambition come in the way Affection might prevail wherefore to gratifie him you ought in justice to bestow me upon him Widower Well because you shall not marry my Butler I will not marry your Maid for the truth is I never had so low a thought But let me tell you it is in the way of disobedience to question a Fathers Actions and a presumption for a Child to think their Father is not wise enough to govern himself besides Children were ingrateful to Parents to desire that from them which they cannot or will not keep to themselves as neither to suffer a Father to marry or keep a Mistress Do Children think a Father is bound to so many Children and no more Sprightly Sir I dare answer for the part of Children that they would be well content that their Father should have Mistrisses but they would be unwilling and griev'd that their Fathers should be their Mistrisses slave whereby they incaptivate their Children or ruine their Estates Widower Well then inquire no more after any Mistris I shall have until you are incaptivated FINIS The Actors Names Sir William Lovewell and the Lady Hypocondria his wife Sir Henry Sage and the Lady Chastity his wife Sir Edward Courtly and the Lady Jealousie his Wife Sir Humphrey Disagree and the Lady Disagree his Wife Sir Thomas Cuckold and the Lady Wanton his wife Sir Timothy Spendall and the Lady Poverty his wife Sir Francis Inconstant and the Lady Inconstant his wife Monsieur Amorous The Lady Procurer Monsieur Disguise Mistris Single sister to the Lady Jealousie Master Make-peace Sir Humphrey Disagree's Friend Master Perswader the Lady Disagree's Chaplin Nan Lightheel and Many other Maid-Servants of the several Ladies Roger Trusty man to Sir VVilliam Lovewel and other men-servants of his and the rest of the Knights Raillery Jester the Lady Jealousies Fool THE Second Part of the PLAY Called the MATRIMONIAL TROUBLE A COME-TRAGEDY ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lady Procurer and Sir Henry Sage LAdy Procurer Sir Henry by reason my Lady is gone abroad I make bold to visit you Sage I perceive I am oblig'd to my Wifes absence for your Visit Madam Procurer 'Faith to tell you the truth we women had rather visit men when they are alone than when they have company Sage Then men and women agree better with particular than with the general Procurer They do so yet they love varietyes best Sage That 's natural for the Senses to delight in variety Procurer It is so and yet our Civil and Divine Laws have forbid the use of Varieties which me thinks is very unconscionable and unnatural Sage But if some of the natural Appetites and Actions were not restrain'd by Laws no Comman-wealth could subsist Procurer How did the Lacedemonians subsist they liv'd all in common and had not all Greece been imbroyl'd with VVars their Common-wealth might have lasted to this day Sage The Lacedemonians had stricter Lawes than the Common-wealth which we live in and are of for though they gave more liberty and freedom to some Actions than our Governments do yet they were stricter in others and breakers of their Lawes were more severely punish'd even in the smallest breach than the breakers of our Laws are almost in the greatest breach Procurer I am sure the Maker of the Lacedemonian Laws was a wise man and a kind-hearted man in Decreeing for the Increase of Mankind yet by some of his Laws he seem'd but a Sloven for he banish'd all curiosity and neatness and I believe many conveniences Also he seem'd to be a man of a weak stomach Sage He rather seem'd of a strong stomach and a greedy appetite by the course diet he brought men to live with but for my part If I should judge of the Lacedemonians Laws I should judge that they strove to bring men to
or Wife to the Lord de L'amour 6. Passive the Lady Innocences maid 7. Falshood an informer to maids of the Lady Incontinent Physitians Natural Philosophers Moral Philosophers young Students Souldiers Lovers Mourners Virgins Servants and others ACT I. Scene 1. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love and his wife the Mother Lady Love MOther Love Husband you have a strange nature that having but one child and never like to have more and this your childe a daughter that you should breed her so strictly as to give her no time for recreation nor no liberty for company nor freedom for conversation but keeps her as a Prisoner and makes her a slave to her book and your tedious moral discourses when other children have Play-fellows and toyes to sport and passe their time withall Father Love Good wife be content doth not she play when she reads books of Poetry and can there be nobler amiabler finer usefuller and wiser companions than the Sciences or pleasanter Play-fellows than the Muses can she have freer conversation than with wit or more various recreations than Scenes Sonets and Poems Tragical Comical and Musical and the like Or have prettier toyes to sport withall than fancie and hath not the liberty so many hours in the day as children have to play in Mother Love Do you call this playing which sets her brain a working to find out the conceits when perchance there is none to find out but are cheats and cozens the Readers with empty words at best it fills her head but with strange phantasmes disturbs her sleep with frightfull dreams of transformed bodyes of Monsters and ugly shaped vices of Hells and Furies and terrifying Gods of Wars and Battles of long travels and dangerous escapes and the pleasantest is but dark groves gloomy fields and the happiest condition but to walk idly about the Elizium fields and thus you breed your daughter as if your Posterity were to be raised from a Poets phantastical brain Father Love I wish my Posterity may last but as long as Homers lines Mother Love Truly it will be a fine airey brood No no I will have her bred as to make a good houswife as to know how to order her Family breed her Children govern her Servants entertain her Neighbours and to fashion herself to all companies times and places and not to be mewed and moped up as she is from all the World insomuch as she never saw twenty persons in one company in all her life unless it be in pictures which you set her to stare on above an hour everyday Besides what Father doth educate their Daughters that office belongs to me but because you have never a Son to tutor therefore you will turn Cotqucan and teach your daughter which is my work Father Love Let me tell you Wife that is the reason all women are fools for women breeding up women one fool breeding up another and as long as that custom lasts there is no hopes of amendment and ancient customs being a second nature makes folly hereditary in that Sex by reason their education is effeminate and their times spent in pins points and laces their study only vain fashions which breeds prodigality pride and envie Mother Love What would you have women bred up to swear swagger gaming drinking Whoring as most men are Father Love No Wife I would have them bred in learned Schools to noble Arts and Sciences as wise men are Mother Love What Arts to ride Horses and fight Dewels Father Love Yes if it be to defend their Honour Countrey and Religion For noble Arts makes not base Vices nor is the cause of lewd actions nor is unseemly for any Sex but baseness vice and lewdnesse invents unhandsome and undecent Arts which dishonours by the practice either Sex Mother Love Come come Husband I will have her bred as usually our Sex is and not after a new fashioned way created out of a self-opiniated that you can alter nature by education No no let me tell you a woman will be a woman do what you can and you may assoon create a new World as change a womans nature and disposition Enter the Lady Sanspareille as to her Father as not thinking her Mother was there Sanspareille O Father I have been in search of you to ask you a question concerning the Sun When she sees her Mother she starts back Mother What have you to do with the Sun and lives in the shade of the Worlds obscuritie Sansp. VVhy Madam where would you have me live can I live in a more serene aire than in my Fathers house or in a purer or clearer light than in my Parents eyes or more splendrous than in my Parents company Mother I would have you live at Court there to have honour favour and grace and not to lose your time ignorantly knowing nothing of the VVorld nor the VVorld of you Sansp. Can I live with more honour than with my Father and You or have more favour than your loves or is there a greater grace than to be Daughter of vertuous Parents can I use or imploy my time better than to obey my Parents commands need I know more than honesty modesty civility and duty As for the VVorld mankind is so partial to each self as they have no faith on the worth of their Neighbour neither doth they take notice of a Stranger but to be taken notice of Mother Love Yes yes your beauty will attract eyes and ears which are the doors to let in good opinion and admiration Sansp. Had I a tongue like a Cerces-wand to charm all ears that heard me it would straight transform men from civil Obligers to spitefull Detractors or false Slanderers my beauty may only serve but as a bribe to tempt men to intrap my youth and to betray my innocency Mother To betray a fools-head of your own Lord Lord how the dispositions of Youth is changed since I was young for before I came to your Age I thought my Parents unnaturall because they did not provide me a Husband Sanspareille If all youth were of my humour their dispositions are changed indeed for Heaven knows it is the only curse I fear a Husband Mother Love Why then you think me curst in Marrying your Father Sansp. No Madam you are blest not only in being a Wife a condition you desired but being marryed to such a man that wishes could not hope for Mother Love Why then my good Fortune may encourage you and raise a hope to get the like Sansp. O no! It rather drives me to dispair beleiving there is no second Mother Love Come come you are an unnatural Child to flatter your Father so much and not me when I endured great pains to breed bear and nurse you up Sansp. I do not flatter Madam for I speak nothing but my thoughts and that which Love and duty doth allow and truth approve of Father Love Come come Wife the Jeerals wit will out-argue both ours Ex. Scene 2. Enter the
the Lawyers she will plead for them gratis 1 Gent. It is a pious and Noble Act 2 Gent. Also her Father hath challenged all the eloquent Oratours of our Nation to make Orations extemporately likewise he hath challenged the most famous Schollars and learned men to dispute with her 1 Gent. Her Father is most doatingly fond of her 2 Gent. He hath reason and out of love to her he is building a very fine Library to lay in all her Works for they say she writes much and hath writ many excellent Works 1 Gent. She deserves a Statue for her self as well as a Library for her Works Ex. Scene 9. Enter the Lady Innocence and Adviser the Lord de l'Amours Man ADviser Madam my Lord and the Lady Incontinent hath sent me to tell you you must come to be examined about the Chain Lady Innocence I am so shrunk up with fear that methinks I could thrust my self into a Nut-shell to hide myself Adviser Faith if you could it would not conceal you for they would crack the Nut-shell and find you out Adviser goes out Lady Innocence alone O that Innocency should tremble as much as guilt with fear but if they did but know how little I value the riches of the world they would not believe I should steal so frivolous a thing Enter as to the Lady Innocence the Lord de l'Amour the Lady Incontinent and a Iustice and the Ladies two Maids Informer and Falshood Lord de l'Amour The Lady Incontinent hath brought a Iustice who hath power to make you confesse She falls a shaking Lady Incontinent You may perceive her guilty she trembles and shakes looks so pale Lady Innocence Pray judge me not guilty by my countenance bring it not as a witnesse against me for the childish fears in my heart causeth a trembling which like an Earthquake shakes my body and makes my breath as pent up Air that pants for passage striving to get forth and my innocent bashfulnesse or my bashful innocency makes my eyes like perturbed lights that see nothing cleerly my words to flow like rough and broken streams for my mind is so troubled and my passions in such a storm as my words can neither flow easie nor free Lady Incontinent Here be two that will witnesse that she stole the Chain Falshood I will swear she took the Chain of Pearl and put it in her pocket and so went out of the room with it Lord de l'Amour Why did not you follow her and take it from her Falshood I thought she would bring it again for I never suspected she would deny it Lord de l'Amour And will you witnesse the same Informer Informer I will witnesse I saw it in her hand looking on it Lord de l'Amour What say you for your self Lady Innocence Lady Innocence I say my accusements doth not make me guilty of a crime but I confess I took the Chain in my hand out of a curiosity and trial of my judgment or skill to see whether I could find any defect in somuch valued esteemed and high-prized a thing as Pearl but not any wayes out of a covetous Appetite as to steal it nor had I any tempting thoughts thereto nor wisht I that or the like should be lawfully given me Lord de l'Amour What did you with it when you had done viewing it Lady Innocence I laid it on the Table from whence I took it off Lady Incontinent But here are those that will swear you carried it away with you Maids Yes that we will Lady Innocence I cannot alwayes avoid a false accusation Lord de l'Amour Will you swear you did not Lady Innocence Yes If my Oath will be taken Lady Incontinent Well you did take it that is certain wherefore you were best confess it or you shall be wrackt to make you confess it Lady Innocence I will never bear false-witness against my self I will dye first Lady Incontinent My Lord pray let her be carried away and be whipt until the be forced to confess it Lady Innocence Let me killed first for to be whipt is base and is only fit for Gally-slaves or those that are born from Slaves but to be kill'd is Noble and gives an Honourable triumph Iustice. Young Lady you are heer accus'd by two Witnesses and unless you can bring Evidence to clear you you are liable to punishment Lady Innocence Truly Sir I have but two invisible Witnesses Conscience and Innocency to plead for me and Truth my Judge who cannot be brib'd although it may be over-powr'd by false and slanderous reports Iustice. But it is imagin'd by your best friends you are guilty Lady Innocence Neither my friends nor enemies can create me a Criminal with their Imaginations Lord de l'Amour But speak are you guilty Lady Innocence To what purpose should I speak for what can I say to those that make it their delight to accuse condemn and execute or what justice can I expect to have where there is no equity wherefore to plead were a folly when all hopes are cut off to desire life a double misery if I must indure Torments but silence and patience shall be my two Companions the one to help me in my suffering the other to cut of impertinencies She goes out from them Lord de l'Amour What think you Justice is she guilty Lady Incontinent Why should you make a question when it hath been proved by Witnesses Come Justice Come and drink a Cup of Sack and give your opinion then The Lady Innocence comes as passing by alone Lady Innocence I am so confidently accus'd of this Theft as I am half perswaded I did take the Chain but that Honour and Honesty sayes I did not Ex. Scene 10. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love at one door and a servant-Maid at the other door SIr Thomas Father Love Where is your Mistriss the people do flock about the house to see her as I think they will pull it upon my head if she shews not her self to them wherefore call her The Maid goes out Enter the Lady Sanspareile Sir Thomas Father Love Come Come Child there are such expectations without for thee but what makes thee to look so heavy Lady Sanspareile Truly Sir I am not well Sir Thomas Father Love Not well Heaven bless thee where art thou Sick Lady Sanspareile I cannot say I am very sick or in any great pain but I find a general alteration in me as it were a fainting of spirits Sir Thomas Father Love Prethee say not so thou dost so affright me but thou art not very sick art thou Lady Sanspareile I hope I shall be better Sir Sir Thomas Father Love My dear Child go to bed whilst I send for some Doctors to thee Ex. Scene 11. Enter the Lady Innocence alone TO whom shall I powre out my sad complaint for all do them a Melancholy mind O Gods how willingly would I be buried in the grave with dust and feast the worms rather than live amongst
shades to find thee out O! O death quick dispatch Let me unprisoned be my body is old decayed and worn times ruins shews it Oh! Oh! let life fall for pitty pull it down stops a time Am I not dead you cruel powers above to lengthen out an old mans life in misery and pain why did not Time put out the sight of both my eyes and also deaf my ears that I might neither hear nor see the death of my lifes joy O Luxurious Death how greedily thou feedst on youth and beauty and leist old Age hang withering on lifes tree O shake me off let me no longer grow if not grief shall by force snip off my tender stalk and pitty lay me in the silent grave Heark Heark I hear her call me I come I come Childe He feches a great sigh O no she is gone she is gone I saw her dead her head hung down like as a Lilly whose stalk was broke by some rude blusterous wind He stares about There there I see her on her dutious knee Her humble eyes cast to the ground Her spotlesse hands held up for blessings crave asking forgivenesse for faults not done O no She is dead She is dead I saw her eye-lids cloze like watry Clouds which joyn to shut out the bright Sun and felt her hands which Death made cold and numb like as to Cristal balls She is gone she is gone and restless grows my mind thoughts strive with thoughts struggle in my brain passions with passions in my heart make War My Spirits run like furies all about Help help for Heavens sake and let life out Ex. Scene 15. Enter the Lady Mother Love alone LAdy Mother Love O my daughter my daughter is dead she is dead Oh that ever I was born to bear a Childe to dye before me Oh she was the Comfort of my Heart the pleasure of my Eyes the delight of my life Oh she was Good she was Sweet she was Fair O what shall I do what shall I do Ex. Scene 16. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love half distracted SIr Thomas Father Love Mercury lend me thy winged feet that I may fly to Heaven there to observe how all the Gods and Godesses doe gaze upon my Beautiful Childe for she is fairer than the light that great Apollo gives and her discourse more ravishing than the Musick of the Spheres but as soon as she sees me she will leave them all and run unto me as she used to do kneeling will kiss my hands which she must not do being a Goddess and I a Mortal wherefore I must kneel to her and carry her an offering but what shall the offering be Let me think Why I will kneel and offer up my Aged life unto her Memory but now I think of it better I cannot dye in Heaven wherefore let me Study let me Study what she did love best when she lived upon the Earth O I now remember when I did ask her what she lov'd best she would Answer her Father and her Fame but I believe if she were here it would be a hard Question for her to resolve which she preferr'd and being not to be separated in Affection we will not part in our Resurrection wherefore Mercury farewel for I will fly up with the Wings of her good Fame And carry up her Wit and there will strow It on Heavens floor as bright as Stars will show Her Innocency shall make new Milky waies Her Virtue shall Create new Worlds to praise Her never-dying Name Ha Ho! It shall be so it shall be so Ex. ACT IV. Scene 17. Enter the Lady Innocence alone studious with her eyes to the ground thou casting them up speaks LAdy Innocence I am not so much in love with the World as to desire to live nor have I offended Heaven so much as to be afraid to dye then way should I prolong my life when Honour bids me dye for what Noble Soul had not rather part with the Body than live in Infamy Then t is not Death that affrights me and yet I find my Soul is loath to leave its bodily Mansion but O to be buried in Oblivions grave is all I fear no Monumental Fame nor famous Monument my Soul displeases that makes it loath to leave the body in forgotten dust whilst it doth sadly wander in the Aire She walks a turn or two as in a musing thought then speaks Soul be at ease for the Memory of the dead is but like a dying Beauty vades by degrees or like a Flower whither'd hath neither Sent Colour nor Tast but moulders into dust so hath the mind no form of what is past But like as formless heaps those Objects lye And are intomb'd in the dark Memory O Foolish Vanity to be so much a slave to Fame since those that Fame doth love the best and favoureth most are not Eternal Wherefore Nature perswades me to release my woe Though foolish Superstition Natures foe Forbids it yet Reason aloud sayes dye Since Ease Peace Rest doth in the grave still lye Walkes about as in a silent musing then speaks I am resolv'd then Come sweet Death thou friend that never fails give me my liberty But stay my hasty resolution for I would not willingly go to the grave as beasts doe without Ceremony for I being friendless those humane Funeral rites will be neglected none will take the pains nor be at the charge to see them perform'd but some base vulgar person will throw me into the Earth without respect or regard wherefore I will Living perform the Ceremonies and as a guess or friend be at my own Funeral it shall be so and I will prepare it Ex. Scene 18. Enter Sir Thomas Father Love alone and for a time walkes as in a musing or thinking with his eyes cast on the ground then speaks FAther Love Multitudes of Melancholy thoughts croud in my brain And run to pull down Reason from his Throne Fury as Captain leads the way Patience and Hope is trod upon O these distracted thoughts burrie my Soul about Seeking a place to get a passage out But all the Ports are stopp'd O Cursed Death for to prolong a life that is so weary of its Mansion Enter Mr. Comfort Sir Thomas Father Loves friend Friend Sir will you give order for your Daughters Funeral and direct how you will have her interred Father Love How say you why I will have you rip my body open and make it as a Coffin to lay her in then heave us gently on sighs fetcht deep and lay us on a Herse of sorrowful groans then cover us with a Dark Black Pitchy Spungy Cloud made of thick Vapour drawn from bleeding hearts from whence may tears of showers run powring down making a Sea to drown remembrance in But O remembrance is a fury grown Torments my Soul now she is gone Friend Sir where there is no remedy you must have patience Father Love Patience out upon her she is an Idle lazy Gossip and keep
follies I commit are not by Nature born nor yet by Education bred in me Holdfast Sweet Mistris you can no more be guilty of a fault than Angels in Ioves Mansion Fare you well Sir Thomas Letgo the Lady Liberty will counterpoize your losses Sir William Holdfast goes out leading forth his Mistris the Lady Mute whereat Sir Thomas Letgo frowns Liberty Let her go Sir Thomas Letgo for if she be not a Fool for certain she is wanton or otherwise she would not be so well pleas'd with change Letgo He hath affronted me Sir Thomas goes out frowning The company speak to the Lady Liberty 1 Gent. There is no change so visible as the most opposite but Sir Thomas Letgo is both troubled and angry wherefore Lady Liberty you had best try to pacifie him Liberty He is like little children which despise what they have but cry when they are taken from them Exeunt Scene 38. Enter Mistris Parle Mistris Trifle Mistris Vanity and a Matron PArle Ha ha ha prethee teach me something to keep in laughter or I shall disgrace my self for ever Matron Are you so loosly set together that you cannot hold Parle No I shall burst out laughter at this ridiculous Wedding before all the Bridal Company and so be thought rude Matron If you burst out nothing else the company will excuse you for Weddings are compos'd of mirth and jollity and every one hath liberty and leave to sport and play to dance and skip about Parle But if the Bridegroom limping should come to take me out to dance I shall laugh in his face which he will take as an Affront and then will kick me with his wooden stump Matron O no he seems too wise to take Exception and too civil to kick a Lady he will rather kiss you than kick you Parle I had rather he should kick me thrice than kiss me once by Iupiter I would not be his Bride to be the Empress of the whole World Matron It is probable nor he your Bridegroom Enter Mistris Fondly Fondly Come away the Bride is going to bed and you stand talking here Parle To bed say you If I were she I would first choose to go to my Grave Hymen and Cupid bless me from such a bed-fellow as the Bridegroom Trifle Prethee let us watch to see if we can descry whether he hath cloven feet or not Parle Should he have no Cloven Feet yet certainly the Original of his shape came from Hell for surely he was begot by the Devil on some witch or another and his Cloaths were spun by the Devils Dam Vanity The truth is he hath damnable old cloaths on they seem as if they were made of old rags scrap'd out of dunghils Matron I perceive Ladies you prefer Beauty and Cloaths before Virtue and Merit Parle 'Faith Virtue is too rigid to be belov'd and Merit is but an incorporeal Spirit and an incorporeal Spirit is no good bed-fellow Trifle Wherefore I would have a Handsome Personable Fashionable Courtly man Fondly Nay if I could have my wish I would wish for more than one man The young Ladies go out The Grave Matron alone Matron The truth is that one man would have too much by either of those Ladies Exeunt Scene 39. Enter Sir Thomas Letgo and the Lady Liberty Letgo Was it not enough to win but to affront me with my losses Liberty Its true they say Losers have only leave to speak but Winners may be merry Letgo Was there no subject for his mirth but I Enter Sir William Holdfast and his Mistris the Lady Mute Letgo You are a false cheating fellow Holdfast You are a base lying Villain for saying so Letgo You have cozen'd me of my Mistris and I will have her again Holdfast I have won her fairly and honestly and I will keep her with my Life They both draw and fight Mute runs to Sir William Holdfast and cries out Mute For Heaven-sake leave off to sight for me I am not worth the life you hazard for me He speaks while he fights Holdfast Sweet Mistris fear not Death hath no power on me so long as you stand by They fight still Mute O let my sad complaints like murmuring Rivers flow thorough your Ears that running into your Heart may move it to a gentle pity Enter company and parts them Liberty You should have let them fight to see whether Portune hath the same power on their Swords as she hath on the Dice whether she can dispose of Life and Death as of Honour and Riches Letgo You may part us now but we shall meet again Sir Thomas and the company go out only Sir William and the Lady Mute stays The Lady Mute weeps Holdfast My dear Mistris what makes your eyes to flow Mute As my tears flow thorough my eyes so I wish my life may flow thorough my tears then might you live in safety Holdfast Let not your love to me make waste of such Tears that every drop might save a Life nay save a Soul they are so pure and penetrating But your fears doe apprehend my Foe more dangerous than he is Exeunt ACT V. Scene 40. A Bed is thrust on the Stage as presenting the Bride-chamber the Bride being in the Bed finely drest and a company of young Ladies her Companions about her TRifle 'Faith confess to us your Maiden-companions do not you repent Prudence So fat am I from repentance as I should repent were I not as now I am Vanity You will repent before seven years Parle Seven years you mean seven days for seven years to our Sex is seven Ages for Maids and Widows account it so before their mariage and maried Wives do account time so until their Husbands die Fondly 'Faith I think there are few women but when they marry hope to be Widows Parle That 's certain and were it not for such hopes men would hardly get Wives Enter the Bridegroom and a company of Gentlemen and Knights then enters a servant with a rich night-gown or Mantle another servant with a rich Cap Waste-coat and Slippers Then the Bridegroom first pulls off his patch from his Eye then pulls off his bumbast Doublet and then his wooden Leg and his snarled Periwig having a fine head of hair of his own then puts on his wastcoat cap slippers and night-gown he then appearing very handsome the company staring upon him the mean time they as in amazement He speaks to the Ladies Bridegroom Fair Ladies as other men strive to adorn themselves to mend their broken Bodies and patch up their decays with false and feigned shews to cozen credulous women that think them such as they appear when they abuse your sweet gentle natures But lest my Wife should think me better than I am or expect more than I could give her I formed my self far worse than Nature made me nor have I promised more than well I can perform And if she lov'd me crooked lame and blind Now I am perfect she 'll
very thought doth almost make me mad especially when I remember the hopes I had to advance my Son by marriage but you shall go back to carry Letters that shall declare my anger and my command for my Sons repair unto me since I cannot return home as yet I le dispatch you strait Exeunt Scene 5. Enter the two Maids Joan and Kate KAte It is a very pleasing sight to see the new marryed Children I may say for so are they yet they behave themselves so gravely and so formally as if they were an Ancoret couple for there is no appearance of Childishness in their behaviour Ioan. But I wonder my Master and Lady will suffer them to bed together Kate My Master did perswade his Nephew to ly by himself but he would not be perswaded Ioan. Truly he is a very fine youth and she a very pretty young Lady I dare say she will make a very handsome woman Kate I believe she will and a virtuous woman and he a handsome and gallant man Exeunt Scene 6. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady SIr Thomas Gravity So Wife by your perswasions to this marriage I have lost the love of my only Brother Lady And I am like to lose my only Child through the grief of the departure of her Husband for she looks so pale and is so weak with crying and fasting for she feeds only on grief and her tears quenches her droughth I think she will dy Sir Thomas Gravity It is your own fault for you would never be quiet nor let be at rest untill they were married Lady Would I and my Child had never seen your Nephew Sir Thomas Gravity All the hopes we have is that my Brother will be pacified with time Exeunt Scene 7. Enter the two Maids Joan and Kate KAte I never saw so much affectionate grief as at the parting of the young married couple Ioan. O passionate tears flow naturally from Childrens Eyes Kate When they were to part they did kiss weep and imbrace so close as their tears mixt together Ioan. They will weep as much for joy when they meet again as they do now for grief at parting Kate But absence and time doth waste Love Ioan. Absence doth rather put out the flame of Love than waste the Lamp but their Love was lighted so soon that if it be not put out it will last a long time Kate Nay faith the sooner it is lighted the sooner it will burn out but to make Love last long is sometimes to put it out and then to re-inkindle it for a continual fire doth waste the fuell and a Candle will soon burn out although it be lighted but at one end but absence is an extinguisher which saves it and return is relighting it Ioan. Are Lovers like Candles Kate Yes faith for as there are Candles of all sorts and sizes so there are Lovers of all degrees some are like Torch-light that flame high and bright but soon waste out others like watch Candles that give but a dim dull light but will last a long time and some that give but a little light and are strait burnt out Ioan. But what is á snast in a Candle which is like a blazing Star with a stream or tail that mels a Candle and makes it run out Kate Faith a snast is like a Mistriss as a Courtizan or servant that makes waste of Matrimonial Love it makes Matrimonial Love fall into a snuf but prudent discretion and chast kisses are as snuffers to clip of those snasts before they get power or are in a blaze or like a Bodkin that picks or puls them out with the point of a sharp tongue Ioan. By your similizing you make love Greace Kate You say right for there is nothing so apt to flame and melt as Greace and Love it is there natural properties to waste in flame Ioan. Well but let us not waste our time in idle talk but go about our imployments Kate Why talking is the greatest or most imployment women use but indeed love is idle Exeunt ACT II. Scene 8. Enter two Men 1 MAn My Lord is extremely troubled for the marriage of his Son 2 Man He is so and so very angry with his Son as he would not give him his blessing when he came although he hath not seen him in seven years for so long hath my Lord been Embassadour here 1 Man Sometimes Embassadours are many years imployed out of there own Country 2 Man They are so but my Lord is sent for home which I am very glad of 1 Man Doth his Son return home with him 2 Man No for he sends him to travel into several Countryes for as many years as my Lord hath been from his Country 1 Man Why doth he command him so long a time to Travel having no more Sons 2 Man To have him Travel out the remembrance of his Wife at least his affections to her 1 Man Why would not my Lord have his Son love his Wife now he is marryed 2 Man No for my Lord saith that the marriage is not a true marriage for the Lady is not of marrigable years and that is not untill the Female is past twelve 1 Man Why so 2 Man I know not but so it is according to our Canon and Common Laws Exeunt Scene 9. Enter Sir Thomas Gravity and his Lady SIr Thomas Gravity I hear my Brother hath sent his Son to Travel for seven years Lady Pray do not let my Daughter know it for it will kill her if she hears it Sir Thomas Gravity I hear also that he will endeavour to break the marriage Lady The Devill break his heart Sir Thomas Gravity Why do you say so Lady Have I not reason to say so when he endeavours to break my Childs heart and so my heart a dishonest man he is to offer to part man and wife Sir Thomas Gravity But if the marriage will not hold good in law they are not lawfull man and wife Lady I perceive you will take your Brothers part against me Exeunt Scene 10. Enter Mistriss Odd-Humour and her Maid Nan NAn Mistriss I hear there is a Suter preparing to come a wooing to you Mistriss Odd-Humour What preparations doth he make Nan Why he hath been with your Father to treat with him concerning your Portion Mistriss Odd-Humour That is not a Suters preparation that is a Merchants Trafficking that is to make a bargain not to woo a Mistriss but the preparations of a Suter are fine Clothes Coaches and great Attendance with rich presents otherwise a woman is not wooed but a Husband bought Nan Or a Wife sold Mistriss Odd-Humour No the woman or her friends are the purchasers for Husbands never give any thing for a VVife but the woman or her friends pay down ready money for a Husband although they sell Land for it Portions portions undo a Family Nan Nan But for all that you had rather undo a Family than want a Husband Mistriss Odd-Humour Self-love
a Non-pluss they would be glad to be quit of each other yet are ashamed to part so soon and are weary to stay with each other long when a Play entertaines them with Love and requires not their answers nor forceth their braines nor pumps their wits for a Play doth rather fill them than empty them 2. Gentleman Faith most Playes doth rather fill the spectators with wind than with substance with noise than with newes 1. Gentleman This Play that I would have you go to is a new Play 2. Gentleman But is there newes in the Play that is is there new wit fancyes or new Scenes and not taken our of old storyes or old Playes newly translated 1. Gentleman I know not that but this Play was writ by a Lady who on my Conscience hath neither Language nor Learning but what is native and naturall 2. Gentleman A woman write a Play Out upon it out upon it for it cannot be good besides you say she is a Lady which is the likelyer to make the Play worse a woman and a Lady to write a Play fye fye 3. Gentleman Why may not a Lady write a good Play 2. Gentleman No for a womans wit is too weak and too conceived to write a Play 1. Gentleman But if a woman hath wit or can write a good Play what will you say then 2. Gentleman Why I will say no body will believe it for if it be good they will think she did not write it or at least say she did not besides the very being a woman condemnes it were it never so excellent and care for men will not allow women to have wit or we men to have reason for if we allow them wit we shall lose our prehemency 1. Gentleman If you will not goe Tom farewell for I will go set this Play let it be good or bad 2. Gentleman Nay stay I will go with thee for I am contented to cast away so much time for the sake of the sex Although I have no saith of the Authoresses wit 3. Gentleman Many a reprobate hath been converted and brought to repentance by hearing a good Sermon and who knowes but that you may be converted from your erroneous opinion by seeing this Play and brought to confesse that a Lady may have wit Loves Adventures Play The Lord Fatherly The Lord Singularity His Sonne Sir Serious Dumbe Sir Timothy Complement Sir Humphry Bolde Sir Roger Exception Sir Peaceable Studious Foster Trusty The Lady Orphant The Lady Ignorant wife to Sir Peaceable Studious The Lady Bashfull The Lady Wagtaile The Lady Amorous Mrs. Acquaintance Nurse Fondly Foster Trusties wife Lady Orphans Nurse Mrs. Reformers woman to the Lady Bashfull Two Chamber-Maydes Prologue NOble Spectators you are come to see A Play if good perchance may clapped be And yet our Authoresse sayes that she hath heard Some playes though good hath not been so preferr'd As to be mounted up on high raised praise And to be Crown'd with Garlands of fresh hayes But the contrary have been hissed off Out from our Stage with many a censuring scoff But afterwards there understanding cleer'd They gave the praise what they before had jeer'd The same she sayes may to her Play befall And your erroneous censures may recall But all such Playes as take not at first sight But afterwards the viewers takes delight It seemes there is more wit in such a Play Than can be understood in one whole day If for she is well content for her wits sake From ignorance repulses for to take For she had rather want those understanding braines Than that her Play should want wits flowing veynes ACT I. Scene 1. Enter the Lord Fatherly and the Lord Singularity his Son LOrd Singularity Pray Sir do not force me to marry a childe before you know whether she will prove vertuous or discreet when for the want of that knowledge you may indanger the honour of your Line and Posterity with Cuckoldry and Bastardry Lord Fatherly Son you must leave that to fortune Lord Singularity A wise man Sir is to be the maker or spoiler of his own fortune Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son the wisest man that is or ever was may be deceived in the choosing a wife for a woman is more obscure than nature her self therefore you must trust to chance for marriage is a Lottery if you get a prize you may live quietly and happily Lord Singularity But if I light of a blank as a hundred to one nay a thousand to one but I shall which is on a Fool or a Whore her Follies or Adulteries instead of a praise will found out my disgrace Lord Fatherly Come Come she is Rich she is Rich Lord Singularity Why Sir guilded I Horns are most visible Lord Fatherly 'T is better Son to have a rich whore than a poor whore but I hope Heaven hath made her Chast and her Father being an honourable honest and wise man will breed her vertuously and I make no question but you will be happy with her Lord Singularity But Sir pray consider the inequality of our ages she being but a Child and I at mans Estate by that time she is ready for the marriage bed I shall be ready for the grave and youths sharp appetites will never rellish Age wherefore she will seek to please her pallat else where Lord Fatherly Let me tell you Son should you marry a woman that were as many years older than she is younger than you it were a greater hazard for first old women are more intemperate than young and being older than the husband they are apt to be jealouse and being jealouse they grow malitious and malice seeks revenge and revenge disgrace therefore she would Cuckold you meerly to disgrace you Lord Singularity On the other side those Women that are marryed young Cuckholds there Husbands fames dishonouring them by their ignorant follyes and Childish indiscretions as much as with Adultery And I should assoon choose to be a Cuckhold as to be thought to be one For my honour will suffer as much by the one as the other if not more Lord Fatherly Heaven blesse the Sonne from jealousy for thou art horrible afraid of being a Cuckold Lord Singularity Can you blame me Sir since to be a Cuckhold is to be despised scorned laught and pointed at as a Monster worse than nature ever made and all the Honour that my birth gave me and my education indued me my vertue gained me my industry got me fortune bestowed on me and fame inthron'd me for may not only be lost by my wifes Adultery but as I said by her indiscretion which makes me wonder how any man that hath a Noble Soul dares marry since all his honour lyes or lives in the light heels of his wife which every little passion is apt to kick away wherefore good Sir let me live a single life Lord Fatherly How Son would you have me consent to extinguish the light of my Name and to pull out the root
of my posterity Lord Singularity Why Sir it were better to lye in dark oblivion than to have a false light to devulge your disgrace and you had better pull out the root than to have a branch of dishonour ingrafted therein Lord Fatherly All these Arguments against Marriage is because you would injoy your Mistresses with freedom fearing you should be disturbed by a wife Lord Singularity That needs not for I observe married Men takes as much liberty if not more than Batchellors for Batchellors are affraid they should challenge a promise of Marriage and married Men are out of that danger Lord Father Then that is the reason that Batchellors Court Married wives and Married Men Courts Maides but howsoever Son if all Men should be of your mind there would be no Marring nor giving in Marriage but all must be in Common Lord Singularity That were best Sir for then there could be no Adultery committed or Cuckolds made Lord Fatherly For shame take courage and be not afraid of a Woman Lord Singularity By Heaven Sir I would sooner yield up my life to death thau venture my honour to a womans management Lord Father Well Son I shall not force you with threates or commands to marry against your will and good likeing but I hope Heaven will turn your mind towards marriage and sent thee a loving vertuous and discreet wife Scene 2. Enter the Lady Wagtaile the Lady Amorous Sir Timothy Compliment Sir Humphrey Bold and Sir Roger Exception SIr Timothy Compliment Bright beauty may I be Servant Lady Amorous If I have any beauty it was begot in your Eyes And takes light from your commendations Sir Timothy Compliment You are Lady the Starre of your Sex Lady Amorous No truely I am but a Meteor that soon goeth out Lady Wagtaile Preethy Sir Timothy Compliment and Lady Amorous do not stand prating here but let us go a broad to some place to devert the time Lady Amorous Dear Wagtaile whether shall we goe Sir Timothy Compliment Faith let us go to a Play Sir Humphrey Bold Let 's go to a Tavern Sir Roger Exception What with Ladyes Sir Humphrey Bold Why Ladyes have been in Tavernes before now Sir Roger Exception It were as good to carry them to a Bawdy-house Sir Humphrey Bold As good say you faith now I think of it better it were the only place to pass a way idle time Come Ladyes shall we go Lady Amorous Whether Sir Humphrey Bold To a Bawdy-house Lady Amorous O sve sve Sir Humphrey Bold how wantonly you talk Lady Wagtaile But would you carry us in good earnest to a Bawdy-house Sir Humphrey Bold Why do you question it when every house is a secret Bawdy-house Na Let me tell you there be many Right Worshipfull Nay Right Honourable and most Noble Pallaces made Bawdy-houses Sir Roger Exception Some perchance that are old and ruinous and the right owners out Sir Humphrey Bold No some that are new large and finely furnished and the owners stately proud scornfull and jeering living therein Sir Roger Exception They should take heed of jeering least they be jeered and of being scornfull least they be scorned Sir Humphrey Bold What say you Ladyes are you resolved Lady Wagtaile No No we will not go with you to such places now but I will carry you to a young Lady whose Father is newly dead and hath left her all his Estate and she is become a great heir Sir Roger Exception Perchance Lady she will not receive our visit if her Father be newly dead Lady Wagtaile I perceive you are ignorant of Funerall customes for widdowes heires and heiresses receives visits whilst the Corpes lyes above ground And they will keep them so much the longer to have so many more visitants nay sometimes they will keep them so long as there dissembling is perceived or so long as they stink above ground for if they bury not the Corpes and set empty Coffins for want of imbalming their miserableness will stench up the Nostrils of their vanity Sir Roger Vanity Nay by your savour Lady there are some that are buried whilst they are steeming hot Sir Humphrey Bold Those are only such whose Executors widdowes or widdowers seares they may revive again and rather than that they should do so they will bury them alive Lady Wagtaile You say rightly true Sir Humphrey Bold Sir Timothy Compliment Sweet beautyes let us go to see this Rich heiress Lady Amorous Content Sir Roger Exception But Ladyes are you acquainted with her Lady Wagtaile O no! But you may know that all women rather than want visits they will go to those they never saw nor spoak to but only heares of them and where they live and I can direct the Coachman to this Ladyes Lodging wherefore let us go Sir Humphrey Bold I shall not deny to visit a Rich heiress Sir Roger Exception I shall waite upon you Ladyes but Lady Wagtaile Nay never make buts but let 's go Lady Amorous Pray let us call Sir Serious Dumb to go along with us Lady Wagtaile Faith Amorous you love his Company because he can tell no tales Sir Humphrey Bold Pray call him not but let him alone for I dare sweare he is inventing of some useless and foolish Art Sir Timothy Compliment Is he so inventive say you but if his inventions is useless he invents in vain Sir Roger Exception Why may not a Dumb mans Inventions be as good as a blind for the most usefullest Artes were invented as the learned saith by one born blind Lady Wagtaile Me thinkes a dumb man should not have much wit for by my troath one that is dumb seemes to me like a fool nay one that speakes but little I cannot for my life but condemn him or her for an Ass Sir Humphrey Bold He may be a fool although he may chance to light on some inventions for Artes are oftner produced from chance than wit but let us go and leave him Lady Wagtaile whispers to Sir H. Bold Lady Wagtaile Faith Sir Humphrey Bold we must call him or otherwise my friend Amorous will be out of humour Sir Humphrey Bold Doth she love silence so well Lady Wagtaile No no it is that she loves secrecy so well Exit CHORUS In a minutes time is flown From a Child to Woman grown Some will smile or laughing say This is but a foolish Play By Reason a Comedy should of one dayes action be Let them laugh and so will I At there great simplicity I as other Poets brings Severall Nations Subjects Kings All to Act upon one stage So severall times in one Age Scene 3. Enter the Lady Orphant and Mrs. Acquaintance MIstriss Acquaintance How do you know the Lord Singularity is such a gallant man For he hath been out of the Kingdom this 7. yeares wherefore you could have no acquaintance you being yet very young Lady Orphant Although I have no acquaintance by sight or experienced knowledge yet by report I have for I remembred I heard my Father
Solid O you are welcome Doctor Freedom Doctor If I be not welcome now I shall never be welcome Volante Why Doctor what Present have you brought us that can make you so acceptable is it perpetual youth or undeniable beauty or everlasting life But prethee Doctor what is it that will make thee so welcome Doctor Why my self here being so many young Ladies together and not a man amongst them Volante Thy self Doctor why thou art not worth the dregs of an Urinal of a sick water if it were not for our charity and generosity more than thy merit ability or service you would have but a cold entertainment and a rule welcome Doctor Well my young wity saterycal Patient you will take a surfeit of fruit milk puddings pyes or sweet-meats one of these dayes and then you will flatter me Volante You say right Doctor but now I speak truth and is not that better than to flatter or dissemble For there is none but sick and deprav'd souls that will deliver Truth with a quarter half or three quartred face like Merchants or mechanick that would sell off their ill commodities with a broken light but a noble and healthfull soul shews the full face of Truth in a clear light wherefore the sick and base will flatter but the noble and free will speak truth Doctor VVell I am sure you think better of me in your thoughts than your words expresses Volante Let me tell you my words and thoughts are so well acquainted as they never dissemble and there is such a friendship betwixt them as they never move several wayes but runs even together But let me tell thee Doctor I have such a spleen to thy Sex as I desire to kill them at least to wound them with spitefull words and I wish I had beauty enough for to damn them causing them to be perjured by forsaking other women they were bound by sacred vows and holy bonds Enter Monsieur Discretion Discretion It is well Master Doctor that you can be priviledg'd amongst the young Ladyes at all times when such as I that have not your Profession are oftentimes shut and lockt out Doctor Faith if you have no better entertainment than I have had since I came it were better you were from them than with them for their tongues are as sharp as needles Volante 'T is a sign we want work when we are forc'd to stitch our wit upon you Discretion How dare you anger the Doctor when your life lyes upon his skill Volante O! His skill lyes upon chance and it is a chance whether he kills or cures is it not Doctor Doctor No for I can kill my Patients when I will although not cure them when I will Volante VVell then Doctor when I would dye I will send for you but not when I would live Discretion Your Servant Ladies Monsieur Discretion goeth out Doctor Good Lady Wit follow Monsieur Discretion he will make you a wise Lady and make your wit discreet as it should be Volante O Doctor how you mistake for wit cannot be made it is a Creator and not a Creature for wit was the first Master or Mistress of Arts the first Husband-man Granger Gardiner Carver Painter Graver Caster and Moulder Mason Joyner Smith Brasier Glazier the first Chandler Vintener Brewer Baker Cook Confectioner the first Spinster VVeaver Knitter Tayler Shoo-maker and millions the like also wit was the first Navigator Architector Mathematician Logitian Geometrician Cosmografir Astronomer Astrologer Philosopher Poet Historian and Hearold also wit made the first Common-wealth invented Laws for Peace Arms for VVars Ceremonies for State and Religion also musick dancing dressing masking playing for delight and pleasure wit divides time imployes time prevents time and provides for time it makes Heavens and Hells Gods and Divels Doctor VVell go thy wayes for though thou hast a heavenly mind and an angelical beauty yet thou hast a devilish wit Volante It shall be sure to torment thee Doctor but do you hear Doctor pray present my service to Monsieur Discretion and tell him it was a signe he lik'd not our company he made so short a stay Doctor He perceived by your usage of me that if he stayd you would beat him out of your company with your two edged tongues but I will tell him what a Rallery you are Volante I hope you will give me a good report for I have fully charged you Doctor You have over-charged me and therefore it is likely I shall break into exclamations Ex. ACT IV. Scene 28. Enter Monsieur Importunate and Madamosel Caprisia IMportunate Lady if I may not be your Husband pray let there be a friendship between us Capris. What kind of friendship would you make for there are so many and of such different natures as I know not which you would be as some friendship is made by beauty some by flattery some by luxurie some by factions others by knavery and all for interest Importunate None for love Capris. No but some are made by lust but they last not long Importunate And is there no friendship made by vertue Capris. O no for vertue may walk all the World over and meet never a friend which is the cause she lives alone for all the World thinks her too rigid for Society which makes mankind adhere to her enemie vice Importunate Doth not marriage make a friendship Capris. Very seldom for marriage is like a Common-wealth which is a contract of bodyes or rather a contract of interest not a friendship betwixt souls and there is as much Faction and oftener civil Wars in marriage than in publick Common-wealths Importunate I desire our friendship may be Platonick Capris. That is too dangerous for it oftimes proves a Traytor to Chastity Ex. Scene 29. Enter Monsieur Nobilissimo Madamosel Doltche and her Nurse NUrse Sir you must give me leave to chide you for staying so long with my nurse-Nurse-child as you keep her from her dinner either go away or stay and dine with her Nobilissimo Good Nurse be patient for though I am engaged to dine with other company yet her discourse is such charming musick as I have not power to go from her as yet Doltche If my discourse sounds musical 't is only when you are by but when you are absent the strings of my voice or speech is as if they were broken for then my tongue is out of Tune and my wit is out of humour Nobilissimo My dearest and sweetest Mistress may your merits be rewarded by Fame your vertue by Heaven your life by Nature and all your earthly desires by Fortune Doltche And my love by the return of yours Nobilissimo When I forsake you may Hell take my soul and Divels torment it for ingratitude and perjury Ex. Scene 30. Enter Madamosel Volante and a Grave Matron MAtron Madamosel Doltche seems to be a very fine sweet Lady well-behav'd sober modest discreet and of a gentle nature Volante Most commonly every one seems best at the first sight
civil to invite a rich noble Husband Sansp. Why say I had the power to pick and choose amongst the noblest and the richest men a Husband out you cannot promise me a happy life fortune may set a Crown of Diamonds on my head yet prick my heart with thorns bind up my spirits with strong chained fears my thoughts imprisoned in dark melancholly and thus my mind may prove a Hell unto my life and my Husbands actions devils to torment it Mother No disputing but let my will be obeyed Sansp. It is fit it should be by me although it brings my ruine Lady Mother goes out Sanspareille alone Sanspareille Ioy gave me wings and made my spirits fly Hope gave me strength to set ambition high Fear makes me old as paulsie shakes each limb My body weak and both my eyes are dimb Like to a Ball which rackets beats about So is my heart strucken twixt hope and doubt Ex. Scene 4. Enter the Lady Incontinent and one of her women LAdy Incontinent I observe the Lord de L'amour useth the Lady Innocence with more respect than he was used to do and I observe his eyes meets her when she comes in place where he is and follows her wheresoever she goeth and when she stands still they are sixt upon her Woman Truly she hath power if she will put it in force to command a heart at least to perswade a heart to love her for certainly she is very beautifull if it were not obscured under a sad countenance as the Sun behind a dark cloud but sometimes do what she can in despite of her sadnesse it will keep out and the other day when you were gone abroad I saw her dance sing and play on a Gitturn all at one time Lady Incontinent And how did it become her Woman Truly she sung so sweetly played so harmoniously danced so gracefully and looked so beautifully that if I had been a man I should have been in love with her Lady Incontinent I charge you break her Gittar tell her she sings not well and that her dancing doth ill-become her Woman Perchance she will not believe me Lady Incontinent Oh yes for youth are credulous even against themselves Exeunt ACT II. Scene 5. Enter the Lady Sanspareille and walks a turn or two as contemplating SAnspareille Ambitious thoughts flyes high yet never tires Wing'd with the swiftest thoughts of desires Then thoughts of hopes runs busily about Yet oft are stop'd with thoughts of fear and doubt And thoughts of mirth and melancholly strives All thoughts are restless till the body dyes Enter Sir Father Love Father Love My childe it is a sign you are melancholly that you are in a poetical vain She weeps Father Why do you weep Sansp. Melancholly thoughts makes tears to flow thorough my eyes Father Melancholly why thou art not come to the years of melancholly 't is aged brows on which sad Saturn sets and tired thoughts on which he reigns and on grieved heart his heavy taxes layes but those that are young he leaves to other powers neither hath fortune set her turning foot upon thy head for thou art in the same worldly condition that thou wert born to wherefore thy mind may be quiet and thy thoughts merry and free Sansp. Surely sir it is not alwaies age nor yet cross fortunes that clouds the mind for some are old and mean poor and despised yet merry and humours gay and some are young and fairer and rich and well esteemed honoured and loved and yet their thoughts dejectedly doth move and humour dull as lead 't is nature makes melancholly neither age nor evil fortune brings it Father But what makes thee sad my child Sansp. Ambition Sir Father What doth your ambition aim at If it be honour I have an Estate will buy thee an honourable Husband if it be riches I will be saving and live thriftily if it be gallantry or bravery I will maintain thee at the hight of my fortune wear Frieze my self and adorn thee in Diamonds Silver and Gold Sanspareille Heaven forbid that my vanity should prodigally spend your Estate or my covetousnesse pinch and starve your Life or that my pride should be match'd with noble honour which should be as humble as great Father It cannot be for wit and beauty for surely nature hath made her self poor by giving you so much Sansp. My dear Father know it is fame I covet for which were the ambitions of Alexander and Caesar joyned into one mind mine doth exceed them as far as theirs exceeded humble spirits my mind being restless to get the highest place in Fames high Tower and I had rather fall in the adventure than never try to climb wherefore it is not titled Honour nor Wealth nor Bravery nor Beauty nor Wit that I covet but as they do contribute to adorn merit which merit is the only foundation whereon is built a glorious fame where noble actions is the architectour thereof which makes me despairingly melancholly having not a sufficient stock of merit or if I had yet no waies to advance it but I must dye like beasts forgotten of mankind and be buried in Oblivions grave Father If it be fame my child covets it is a noble ambition and Heaven pardon me if I speak vain-gloriously of what is my own yet I speak but my opinion when I say I do believe there is none so fit to raise a fame as thou art Sansp. Sir your love speaks as willing to incourage me but know Sir it is not a vulgar fame I covet for those that goeth with equal space and even hights are soon lost as in a crowd or multitude but when fame is inthron'd all Ages gazes at it and being thus supremly plac'd up high Like as an Idol gets Idolatry Thus singularity as well as merit advances fame Father Child thou speakest alwaies reason and were my life the only singular way to raise thy fame thou shouldst have it Sansp. Heaven forbid For that would raise my infamie if I should build upon my Fathers noble life But Sir do you love me Father Yes above my life for thou art the life of my life Sansp. Do you love me as well as you think you could your Grand-children Father No comparison can be made for thou art come immediately from my loynes those but from the Ioines of my Issue which is estranged from me and for their affections Grand-childrens is but weak only they keep alive my name not love for that dyes in the second descent and many times the first Sansp. But Sir would not you think me strangely unnatural and unworthy of your love to wish or desire you to break the line of your Posterity and bury succession in my grave Father Unnatural no for your vertue can ask nothing of me that my love will think unreasonable to give and for my Posterity I had rather it should end with merit than run on in follies or who knows but their evil or base actions may blemish
envy and malice will bring against us but consider Sir that when the foot of fame hath trod upon the tongue of envy it will be silent Father Never fear me child if thou faintest not Sansp. I fear not my self for I have an undoubted faith that the Child of such a father can neither be a Coward nor a fool for from you I receive a value or prize although of my self I should be worth nothing and Parents and Children may speak freely their thoughts let them move which way they will for Children ought not to conceal them but if deceit must be used let it be with strangers not friends Father O Child thou hast spoke but what I thought on and the very same I wisht finding thy tongue volable thy voyce tuneable thy speech eloquent thy wit quick thy expressions easy thy conceits and conceptions new thy fancies curious and fine thy Inventions subtle thy dispositions sweet and gentle thy behaviour gracefull thy countenance modest thy person beautifull thy yeares young all this I thought to my self might raise the a Trophy when a Husband would bury the in his armes and so thou to become thy own fames Tomb Sansp. Oh! But how shall we pacify my mother who is resolved not to be quiet until I go to live at the Court as likewise to marry Father I have thought of that and you know that your mother is well bred a tender mother and a chast wife yet she is violent and is not to be altered from her opinions humours and will till time wearyes her out of them wherefore we must not oppose her but rather sooth her in her humour and for marrying we will allwayes find some fault in the man or his Estate person or breeding or his humour or his wit prudence temperance courage or conduct or the like which we may truly do without dissembling for I believe there is no man but that some exceptions may be justly found to speak against him but you and I will sit in Councel about it Ex. Scene 6. Enter the Lord de l' Amour and meets the Lady Innocence LOrd de l' Amour Well met for if accident had not befriended me you would not have been so kind as to have met me for I percieve you strived to shun me Lady Innocence The reason is I was affraid my presence would not be acceptable Lord de l' Amour You never stay to try whether it would or not but surely if your conversation be answerable to your beauty your Company cannot but be pleasing Lady Innocence I doubt I am to young to be hansome for time hath not shapt me yet into a perfect form for nature hath but laid the draught mixt the collours for time to work with which he as yet hath neither placed nor drawn them right so that beauty in me is not as yet fully finished and as my beauty so I doubt my wit is imperfect and the ignorance of youth makes a discord in discourse being not so experiencedly learned nor artificially practised as to speak harmoniously where the want makes my conversation dull with circumspection and fear which makes my wordes flow through my lips like lead heavy and slow Lord de l' Amour Thy wit sounds as thy beauty appears the one charms the eares the other attracts the eyes Lady Innocence You have been more bountifull to me in your praises than Nature in her gifts Lord de l' Amour Since I perceive you to be so pleasing we will be better acquainted Ex. Scene 7. Enter 2. or 3. Philosophers This Scene of the Phylosophers the Lord Marquess writ 1. PHilosopher Come my learned brothers are we come now to hear a girle to read lectures of naturall Philosophy to teach us Are all our studyes come to this 2. Philosopher Her doting father is to blame he should be punished for this great affront to us that 's learned men 3. Philosopher Philosophers should be men of yeares with grave and Auster lookes whose countenances should like rigid lawes affright men from vanityes with long wise beards sprinkled with gray that every hair might teach the bare young Chins for to obey And every sentence to be delivered like the Law in flames and lightning and flashes with great thunder a foolish girle to offer for to read O times O manners 1. Philosopher Beauty and favour and tender years a female which nature hath denyed hair on her Chin so smooth her brow as not to admit one Philosophycall wrinckle and she to teach a Monster t is in Nature since Nature hath denyed that sex that fortitude of brain 2. Philosopher Counsel her father that her mother may instruct her in high huswifry as milking Kyne as making Cheese Churning Butter and raising past and to preserve confectionary and to teach her the use of her needle and to get her a Husband and then to practise naturall Philosophy without a Lecture 3. Philosopher 'T is a prodigious thing a girle to read Philosophy O divine Plato how thy Soul will now be troubled Diogenes repents his Tub and Seneca will burn his bookes in anger And old Aristotle wish he had never been the master of all Schooles now to be taught and by a girle 1. Philosopher Have patience and but hear her and then we shall have matter store to speak and write against her and to pull down her fame indeed her very lecture will disgrace her more than we can write and be revenged thus by her tongue 2. Philosopher Content let us then go and hear her for our sport not being worth our anger Ex. Here ends the Lord Marquess of Newcastle ACT III Scene 8. Enter the Lady Innocence and her Maid MAid By my truth Mistriss the Lord de l' Amour is a fine person Lady Innocence The truth is that he seems as if Nature had given to time the finest and richest stuff in her Shop to make his person off and time as the Tayler hath wrought and shapt his person into the most becoming fashion but yet if his Soul be not answerable to his person he is fine no otherwayes but as a fashionable and gay sute of Cloath on a deformed body the Cloathes may be fine and hansome but the body ill favoured so the body may be hansome but the Soul a foul deformed creature Maid But a fine and hansome body may hide a deformed Soul although a fine sute of Clothes will not hide a deformed body for a deformed body will be perceived in dispight of the fine Clothes Lady Innocence So will a deformed Soul in the dispight of a hansome body for the Soul will appear in the Actions as the body in the shape being as crooked in vice as the body in Limbs Maid What is the actions of the Soul Lady Innocence The passions and will Maid But man obscures the passions and restrains the will Lady Innocence So man may obscure his body and bombast his Cloathes but it is as impossible to restrain an evil
for she is handsom well-behav'd well-bred a great Estate and of a good Fame and Family Frere And may she have a Husband answerable Soeur Why so she will when she marries you Frere I cannot equal her Virtues nor merit her Beauty wherefore I will not injure her with mariage Soeur Will you not marry her Frere No Soeur I hope you speak not in Earnest Frere In truth Sister I do no not jest Soeur Prethee Brother do not tell my Father so for if you do he will be in such a fury as there will be no pacifying him Frere If you desire it I will not Soeur First reason with your self and try if you can perswade your Affections Frere Affections Sister can neither be perswaded either from or to for if they could I would imploy all the Rhetorick I have to perswade them O sister He goes out in a melancholy posture Enter Monsieur Pere Pere Where is your Brother Soeur He is even now gone from hence Pere How chance he is not gone to his Mistris Soeur I know not Sir but he looks as if he were not very well Pere Not well he 's a foolish young man and one that hath had his liberty so much as he hates to be ty'd in wedlocks Bonds but I will go rattle him Soeur Pray Sir perswade him by degrees and be not too violent at first with him Pere By the Mass Girl thou givest me good counsel and I will tempet him gently Exeunt Scene 20. Enter two or three Maid servants 1 SErvant O she 's dead she 's dead the sweetest Lady in the World she was 2 Servant O she was a sweet-natur'd creature for she would never speak to any of us all although we were her own servants but with the greatest civility as pray do such a thing or call such a one or give or fetch me such or such a thing as all her servants lov'd her so well as they would have laid down their lives for her sake unless it were her Maid Nan 1 Servant Well I say no more but pray God Nan hath not given her a Spanish Fig 3 Servant Why if she did there is none of us knows so much as we can come as Witnesses against her Enter Nan Nan It is a strange negligence that you stand prating here and do not go to help to lay my Lady forth Exit Nan the Maid Enter Monsieur Malateste and passes over the Stage with his handkerchief before his eyes 1 Servant My Master weeps I did not think he had lov'd my Lady so well 2 Servant Pish that 's nothing for most love the dead better than the living and many will hate a friend when they are living and love them when they are dead Exeunt Scene 21. Enter Monsieur Frere and Madam Soeur comes after and finds him weeping Soeur Brother why weep you Frere O Sister Mortality spouts tears through my eyes to quench Loves raging fire that 's in my Heart But 't will not do the more I strive with greater fury doth it burn Soeur Dear Brother if you be in love she must be a cruel woman that will deny you for pure and virtuous love softens the hardest hearts and melts them into pity Frere Would I were turn'd to stone and made a marble Tomb wherein lies nothing but cold death rather than live tormented thus Exit She alone Soeur Heaven keep my fears from proving true Exit Scene 22 Enter Monsieur Sensible and Madamoiselle Amor his Daughter MOnsieur Sensible Daughter how do you like Monsieur Frere Amor Sir I like whatsoever you approve of Sensible But setting aside your dutiful Answer to me tell me how you affect him Amor If I must confess Sir I never saw any man I could love but him Sensible You have reason for he is a fine Gentleman and those Mariages most commonly prove happy when Children and Parents agree Amor But Sir he doth not appear to fancy me so much or so well as I fancy him Sensible It 's a sign Child thou art in Love that you begin to have doubts Amor No Sir but if I thought he could not love me I would take off that Affection I have placed on him whilst I can master it lest it should grow so strong as to become masterless Sensible Fear not Child Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Sociable Virgins and Matrons 1 MAtron 'T is said that Malateste is a Widower 1 Virgin Why then there is a Husband for me 2 Virgin Why for you he may choose any of us as soon as you for any thing you know 3 Virgin I 'm sure we are as fair 4 Virgin And have as great Portions 5 Virgin And are as well bred as you are 1 Virgin Well I know he is allotted to my share 2 Matron Pray do not fall out about him for surely he will have none of you all for 't is said he shall marry his Maid 1 Virgin Why he is not so mad for though his Maid served to vex and grieve his wife into her grave and also to pass away idle hours with him yet he will not marry her I dare warrant you for those that are maried must take such as they can get having no liberty to choose but when they are free from wedlocks bonds they may have choice Enter Monsieur Malatesle all in mourning 1 Virgin So Sir you are welcome for you can resolve a question that is in dispute amongst us Malatesle What is it Lady 1 Virgin The question is whether you will marry your Maid or not Malatesle No sure I cannot forget my self nor my dead wife so much as to marry my Maid 1 Virgin Faith that is some kindness in Husbands that they will remember their wives when they are dead although they forget them whilst they live Malatesle A good wife cannot be forgotten neither dead nor alive 1 Virgin By your favour Sir a bad wife will remain longest in the memory of her Husband because she vex'd him most Malatesle In my Conscience Lady you will make a good wife 1 Virgin If you think so you had best try Malatesle Shall I be accepted Lady 1 Virgin I know no reason I should refuse Sir for Report says you have a great Estate and I see you are a handsome man and as for your nature and disposition let it be as bad as it can be mine shall match it Malatesle My Nature loves a free spirit 1 Virgin And mine loves no restraint Malatesle Lady for this time I shall kiss your hands and if you will give me leave I shall visit you at your lodging 1 Virgin You shall be welcome Sir Exit Monsieur Malateste 1 Virg. Ladies did not I tell you I should have him 2 Virgin Jesting and Raillery doth not always make up a Match 1 Virgin Well well Ladies God be with you for I must go home and provide for my Wedding for I perceive it will be done on the sudden for Widowers are more hasty to
Enter Monsieur Malateste and his Maid Nan MAlateste Nan you must be contented for you must be gone for your Lady will not suffer you to be in the house Nan Will you visit me if I should live near your House at the next Town Malateste No for that will cause a parting betwixt my Wife and me which I would not have for all the World wherefore Nan God be with you Nan May your House be your Hell and your Wife be your Devil Exeunt Scene 36. Enter Madam Malateste and her Maid MAid What will your Ladyship have for your Supper Madam Whatsoever is rare and costly Exit maid Enter Steward Steward Did your Ladyship send for me Madam Mal. Yes for you having been an old servant in my Fathers House will be more diligent to observe and obey my commands wherefore go to the Metropolitan City and there try all those that trade in vanities and see if they will give me credit in case my Husband should restrain his purse from me and tell them that they may may make my Husband pay my debts The next is I would have you take me a fine house in the City for I intend to live there and not in this dull place where I see no body but my Husband who spends his time in sneaking after his Maids tails having no other imployment besides solitariness begets melancholy and melancholy begets suspition and suspition jealousie so that my Husband grows amorous with idleness and jealous with melancholy Thus he hath the pleasure of variety and I the pain of jealousie wherefore be you industrious to obey my command Steward I shall Madam Exeunt Scene 37. Enter Madamoiselle Amor as to her Father Monsieur Sensible MAdam Amor Good Sir conceal my Passion left it become a scorn when once 't is known for all rejected Lovers are despised and those that have some small returns of Love yet do those saint Affections triumph vaingloriously upon those that are strong and make them as their slaves Sensible Surely Child thy Affections shall not be divulged by me I only wish thy Passions were as silent in thy breast as on my tongue as that he thou lovest so much may lie as dead and buried in thy memory Amor There 's no way to bury Love unless it buries me Exeunt Scene 38. Enter Monsieur Malateste and Madam Malateste MOnsieur Mal. I hear Wife that you are going to the Metropolitan City Madam Yes Husband for I find my self much troubled with the Spleen and therefore I go to try if I can be cur'd Monsieur Why will the City cure the Spleen Madam Yes for it is the only remedy for melancholy must be diverted with divertisements besides there are the best Physicians Monsieur I will send for some of the best and most famous Physicians from thence if you will stay Madam By mo means for they will exact so much upon your importance as they will cost more money than their journey is worth Monsieur But Wife it is my delight and profit to live in the Country besides I hate the City Madam And I hate the Country Monsieur But every good Wife ought to conform her self to her Husbands humours and will Madam But Husband I profess my self no good Wife wherefore I will follow my own humour Exit Madam He alone Monsieur Malateste I finde there is no crossing her she will have her Will Exit Scene 39. Enter Monsieur Marry and Madam Soeur MOnsieur Marry Wife I am come to rob your Cabinet of all the Ribands that are in it for I have made a running match betwixt Monsieur la Whips Nag and your Brothers Barb and he faith that he shall not run unless you give him Ribands for he is perswaded your Favours will make him win Soeur Those Ribands I have you shall have Husband But what will my Brother say if his Barb should lose the match Marry I ask'd him that question and he answer'd that if he lost he would knock his Barbs brains out of his head Soeur Where is my Brother Marry Why he is with your Father and such a good companion he is to day and so merry as your Father is so fond of his company insomuch as he hangs about his neck as a new-maried wife But I conceive the chief reason is that your Brother seems to consent to marry the Lady Amor Soeur I am glad of that with all my soul Marry But he says if he doth marry her It must be by your perswasons Soeur He shall not want perswading if I can perswade him Marry Come Wife will you give me some Ribands Soeur Yes Husband I will go fetch them Marry Nay Wife I will go along with you Exeunt Scene 40. Enter Madamoiselle Amor alone as in a melancholy humour MAdam Amor Thoughts cease to move and let my Soul take rest or let the damps of grief quench out lifes flame Enter Monsieur Sensible Sensible My dear Child do not pine away for Love for I will get thee a handsomer man than Monsieur Frere Amor Sir I am not so much in love with his person as to dote so fondly thereon Sensible What makes you so in love with him then for you have no great acquaintance with him Amor Lovers can seldome give a Reason for their Passion yet mine grew from your superlative praises those praises drew my Soul out at my Ears to entertain his love But since my Soul misles of what it seeks will not return but leave my body empty to wander like a ghost in gloomy sadness and midnight melancholy Sensible I did mistake the subject I spoke of the substance being false those praises were not current wherefore lay them aside and fling them from thee Amor I cannot for they are minted and have Loves stamp and being out increases like to Interest-money and is become so vast a summ as I believe all praises past present or what 's to come or can be are too few for his merits and too short of his worth Sensible Rather than praise him I wish my Tongue had been for ever dumb Amor O wish not so but rather I had been for ever deaf She goes out He alone Sensible My Child is undone Exeunt Scene 41. Enter two servants of Monsieur Malateste's 1 SErvant My Master looks so lean and pale as I doubt he is in a Consumption 2 Servant Faith he takes something to heart whatsoever it is 1 Servant I doubt he is jealous 2 Servant He hath reason for if my Lady doth not cuckold him yet she gives the World cause to think she doth for she is never without her Gallants 1 Servant There is a great difference betwixt our Lady that is dead and this Enter Monsieur Malateste Malateste Is my Wife come home yet 1 Servant No Sir Malateste I think it be about twelve of the Clock 1 Servant It is past one Sir Malateste If it be so late I will sit up no longer watching for my Wives coming
misfortune to me Marry Pray Sir be not so dejected nor look so pale I dare warrant you the News that his Barb hath won the Race will be a sufficient Cataplasm to take away his Stitch The Father and Son-in-law meet a servant Pere How doth my Son and daughter Servant I think they are both well Sir Pere Why do not you know and yet dwell in the same House Servant No indeed not I for I only saw my young Master go towards my Ladies lodging but I did not follow to inquire of their healths for feat they should be angry and think me bold Enter Madam Soeur's Maid Pere Where is you Lady Maid In her Chamber I think Sir Pere Do you but think so do you not know 'T is a sign you wait not very diligently Maid Why Sir I met my young Master going to his Sisters Chamber and he sent me on an Errand and when I came back the outward doors were lock'd so as I could not get in any ways Marry The doors lock'd say you Maid Yes Sir Marry Let them be broken open Pere O my doubts foretell à miserable Tragedy The door seems to be broke open the servant seeing the murder'd Couple cries out Murther murther Monsieur Pere falls down dead at the sight while the servant strives to recover life in the old man Monsieur Marry runs to his murder'd wife and falls to the ground and kisses her and then tears his hair and beats his breast and being as distracted rises hastily and catches up the bloody sword to kill himself his servants hold and hinder him from that Act. Marry Villains let go she shall not wander in the silent shades without my company besides my soul will croud through multitudes of souls that flock to Charons Boat to make an easie passage for her pure soul wherefore let go I command you as being your Master let go The servants still scuffle for to get away the sword in come more servants and carrie him out as being distracted Monsieur Pere not to be recover'd is carried out with the two murder'd bodies Enter three Servants 1 Servant This is so strange an Accident that hardly Story can mention the like 2 Servant I wonder how they came murder'd the door being lock'd and none but themselves if it had been thieves they would have robbed them as well as murder'd them 1 Servant I believe my young Master was the Thief that did both rob and murther 3 Servant Well I could tell a story that I heard listning one day at my Ladies Chamber-door but I will not 1 Servant Prethee tell it us 3 Servant No I will not you shall excuse me for this time Exeunt Scene 47. Enter Monsieur Sensible and Madamoiselle Amor SEnsible Daughter I am come to bring you a Medicine to take out the sting of Love Amor What is it Sir Sensible Why Monsieur Frere hath most wickedly kill'd himself She staggers Madam Amor Although I cannot usher him to the Grave I 'll follow him Falls down dead Sensible Help help for Heavens sake help Enter Servants Sensible O my Child is dead O she is dead she is dead Carry her to her Bed Exit Father and Servants Enter two servants running and meeting each other 1 Servant O my Lady is quite dead and past all cure and her Father I think will die also 2 Servant I am sure there is a sad a sad House to day Exeunt FINIS EPILOGUE IF subtile Ayr the Conduit to each ear Hearts passion mov'd to draw a sadder tear From your squees'd brains on your pale cheeks to lie Distill'd from every Fountain of each eye Our Poetress hath done her part and you To make it sadder know this Story 's true A plaudity you 'l give if think it fit For none but will say this Play is well writ The Lord Marquess of New Castle writ this EPILOGUE The Actors Names SIR Thomas Letgo Sir William Holdfast Sir Henry Courtly Master Diswader Sir VVilliam Holdfast's Friend The Lady Prudence Daughter and Heir to the Lord Sage The Lady Mute the affianced Mistress to Sir Thomas Letgo The Lady Liberty Sir Thomas Letgo's Amoretta The Lady Jealousie Sir Henry Courtly's Lady The Lady Gravity The Lady Parrot The Lady Minion The Lady Geosling Mistress Parle Mistress trifle Mistress Vanity Mistris Fondly Three of four old Ladies the Mothers to the four young Ladies Two grave Matrons The VVooers As the Soldiers the Country Gentleman the Courtier the Bashfull and his Friend the Amorous the Divine the Lawyer the Citizen the Farmer the Stranger All VVooers Gentlemen Merchants Fortune-tellers Maskers PROLOGUE OUr Auth'ress says to make a Play is hard To censure freely men are not afraid Opinions easily do pass upon The wit of others though themselves have none And envie rounds the sense and words about Hoping some errors it may soon find out But streams of wit do not so often flow As salt rough censures which to billows grow And swell so big till they in pieces fall In their own ruines they are buried all But if our Authors Play deserves a praise She will not thank you though you give her bays Because she knows it is her right and due And justice to receive the same from you Wherefore she says if you do take delight To read her Play or acted to your sight The bounty doth proceed from her alone Her wit doth pleasure give to every one The Play if bad she doth desire no praise The Cypress will receive instead of bays THE PUBLICK VVOOING ACT I. Scene 1. Enter two men 1 MAn 'T is reported that the great Mogul hath War with the Parthians and a man of our Nation is General of all his Forces 2 Man Me thinks it is too great an Honour and Trust to give to a stranger 1 Man But it is reported he hath behav'd himself so wisely honestly nobly and valiantly as he hath gained the favour of the Emperour and love of the Souldiers and also respect from all the inferiour Princes 2 Man Who should this man be 1 Man I cannot learn for the Merchants from whom I had this report know not what his right name is for they think he goeth by a cover'd name 2 Man Surely he is of a very mean Birth that he is asham'd to own his name 1 Man It seems so but let his Birth be poor or great he hath a Generous Soul for they say he is very bountiful and lives in great magnificence and carries himself as if he were Princely born He is the whole discourse upon the Exchange and the Merchants do cry him up like to another Iulius Caesar 2 Man It seems they fare the better for his being their Countryman and he to be the Emperours Favourite 1 Man 'T is like enough 2 Man Nay you may be assur'd they have a Fee of Obligation if they praise him so much Of what Age do they say he may be 1 Man They say is in the prime of his years a
very handsom man well-behav'd and of a ready wit 2 Man 'T is strange it should not be known of what Parentage he is of 1 Man It is not known as yet Exeunt Scene 2. Enter two Men 1 MAn Sir were not you a servant to the Lord of Sage 2 Man Yes Sir 1 Man He was a Wise and a Noble Person 2 Man He was so Heaven rest his Soul 1 Man 'T is said he hath left but one only Child and she a Daughter which Daughter is sole Heir to all his Estate 2 Man She is so 1 Man And it is also reported she will be woo'd in publick or else she 'l never wed 2 Man The Report is true Sir for I am now going to invite all her Friends and acquaintance to whom she desires to publish her resolutions 1 Man Is she resolv'd of it 2 Man She hath vow'd it 1 Man Pray favour me so much as to give me a Character of her 2 Man She is Virtuous Young Beautiful Graceful and hath a supernatural Wit and she hath been bred and brought up to all Virtuosus which adorns her Natural Gifts she lives magnificently yet orders her Estate prudently 1 Man This Lady may be a sample to all her Sex Exeunt Scene 3. Enter two Grave Matrons 1 Matron Mistris Simple is the very'st Fool that ever I tutor'd or instructed 2 Matron Do you mean a fool by imprudence or a fool that speaks improperly 1 Matron I do not know what her imprudence may be but in her words there is no coherence 2 Matron Alas she is young and youth is a Cage of Ignorance and boys and girls are like birds which learn from their tutors and tutoresses artificial tunes which are several Languages Sciences Arts and the like But the truth is of all sorts of Birds the Cocks are more apt to learn than the Hens 1 Matron If she can be taught sense I am much mistaken for she hath not a reasonable capacity to learn 2 Matron Why then she hath a defect in Nature as a Changeling 1 Matron I think so 2 Matron Why should you think so since youths capacity cannot be measured by their Educators for Time is the only measure of the rational capacity And to prove it some boys and girls will be so dull as to seem stupid to Learning and yet in their strength of years may prove very rational understanding and wise men or women besides the Brain is like to the Air 't is sometimes thick with mysty Errours sometimes dark with clouds of Ignorance and sometimes clear with Understanding when as the Sun of Knowledge shines and perchance you heard her speak when her Brain was cloudy and dark 1 Matron So dark as her words could not find the right way to sense 2 Matron Perchance if you hear her speak some other times when her Brain is clear you may hear her speak wisely 1 Matron It is so unlikely she should ever speak wisely as it is near to impossible 2 Matron Indeed unlikely and impossible do some way resemble each other But let me tell you the Brain is like the Face it hath its good days and its bad for Beauty and Wit have not only their times and seasons but their foul and fair days 1 Matron You say true for the choisest Beauties that ever were or are will somtimes look worse than at other times nay so ill they will look sometimes as they might be thought they were not Beauties 2 Matron The like for Wit for certainly the greatest Wit that ever was or is may sometimes be so dull and unactive as it might be thought they were so far from being Wits as they might be judged Fools And certainly the most Eloquent Orators that ever were have spoke at some times less Eloquently than at other times insomuch that at some times although the subject of their Discourse is so full of Matter and Reason as might have oyl'd their Tongues smooth'd their Words and enlighten'd their Fancy yet they will speak as if their Wits had catch'd cold and their Tongues had the numb Palsy on which their words run stumbling out of their mouths as insensible when as at other times although the subject of their discourse be barren or boggy woody or rocky yet their Wit will run a Race without stop or stay and is deck'd and adorn'd with flowry Rhetorick And certainly the wisest men that ever were have given both themselves and others worse counsel sometimes than at other times and certainly the valiantest man that ever was had sometimes more courage than at other times But yet although a valiant man may have more courage at one time than another yet he is at no time a coward nor a wise man a fool 1 Matron But Orators may chance to speak non-sense 2 Matron They may so and many times do 1 Matron Why then may not a Valiant man be at some times a Coward and a Wise man a Fool as well as Orators to speak non-sense 2 Matron Because Valour Judgment and Prudence are created in the Soul and is part of its Essence I do not mean every soul but the souls of Valiant and Wise men for souls differ as much as bodies some are created defective others perfect but words are only created in the mouth and are born through the lips before the soul of sense is enter'd or inbodied therein 1 Matron An Orators tongue is powerful 2 Matron An Orators tongue doth rather play on Passions than compose the Judgment or set notes to the Reason like as a Fidler that can play tunes on musical Instruments but is no Musician to compose and set tunes But there are many men that have eloquent tongues but not witty souls they have the Art of words but not the Spirit of wit Exeunt Scene 4. Enter the Lady Prudence and a company of Ladies and Knights whom she had invited to hear her Resolutions She stands by her self and speaks Lady Prudence Kind Friends and worthy Acquaintance you may think it strange and perchance take it ill I invite you only to a simple Discourse for to declare a vain Vow as you may judge it so to be which Vow I made since my Father the Lord Sage's death The Vow is never to receive a Lovers Address or to answer a Lovers Sute but in a publick Assembly and 't is likely the World will laugh at this as ridiculous or condemn it for pride or scorn it as self-conceit But if they will be pleased to weigh it in Judgements Scales they will find it poysed with a good Intention and make a just weight of Conveniency against unaccustomariness for though it is not usual yet it is very requisite especially to such young women which are Orphans who like small and weak Vessels that are destitute of Guide or Pilot are left on the wide Sea-faring World to ruinous waves and inconstant weather even so young women are to the Appetites of greedy men and their own inconstant and changing Natures and
not miscarry if you have the Dice 2 Gent. How can he do that for he hath nothing to miscarry withall not a farthing his pockets swell not 't is but an imaginary Child a windy or watry Mole or a Moon-calf he needs no Dice to be his Midwife for the Lady Pecunia a meer Timpany of the Fancy and nothing else Letgo O Iack thou art cruel there is nothing so horrid as truth to a Gentleman and such truths too I know not what to do with my self for I cannot be alone those are such foolish fellows that have parts as they call them and I hate both them and their parts Enters the Lady Mute as passing Look here is my foolish Mistris by the Gods I 'll play her I 'll set her you Sir William Holdfast what will you stake against her He stays her from passing Holdfast Sir a Lady and such a Lady is beyond price unvaluable Letgo Come come leave your Courtship to Ladies and throw and have at her Holdfast Why Sir with the Ladies leave I will set you five thousand pound Letgo Five thousand pound why she hath two thousand pound land a year man and is an Heir Holdfast But I consider a Wife is chargeable for I shall maintain her according to her Birth and my own Honour besides children will come on and they are chargeable Letgo For her charge I will maintain her as cheap as a Changeling a Dairy-maid or a Kitchin-wench why she is a fool and for children you will not have them the first day certainly but her Estate will maintain her and make thee rich besides a witty Wife is a curse and a fool but a Trouble Holdfast But I consider there are two Joyntures goe out of her Estate Letgo VVhy they are so old they will both pick over the Pearch the next Fall and die of the Frownsies or if not I will present thee with a little ratsbane for them to put in their Caudles Holdstast VVell Sir I honour the Lady so much as I will set ten thousand pound against her Letgo By the Gods make it but fifteen thousand and here I set her Holdfast Content and we will take one anothers words and these Noble Gentlemen shall be the witnesses Letgo VVith all my Soul Give me the Dice they that throw most at three throws with three dice let them win for three is the Ladies number But first let me invoke them He kneels down Thou Lady Fortune here I do implore thee Now metamorphos'd into Dice that 's three My better Fate with Sixes to be crown'd Thy Favourite winning fifteen thousand pound Holdfast Throw Sir without any more Invocation of this various Godess Sir Thomas Letgo takes the Lady Mute by the hand and sets her close to the Table they play on Letgo Come you Fool stand here on my side and now have at your money Sir Two fives and a six 't is well again two fixes and a five I thank thee Lady Fortune if I win thou shalt never be call'd a whore again but a virtuous and pious Lady once again three sixes Sweet Lady Fortune how have they wronged thee heretofore in laying their own follies to thy charge Malicious lying Detractors that defame Ladies thus Here take the Dice which are so square and new And bid your fifteen thousand pound adieu Holdfast You will give me leave to throw Sir Throws what is that three sixes Letgo Well again Holdfast Three sixes again I vow I believe she is a Virtuous Lady indeed Letgo I cannot tell yet I will not take upon me for the noblest Lady in the World throw again and I will tell you Holdfast Why then have at your Mistris three sixes again O Virtuous Lady Fortune Letgo By the Gods Iack the Lady Fortune is a whore a pocky whore 1 Gent. Why did you meddle with her then I knew you would get a Clap Letgo Nay I have got two but now I shall have a strict Diet that will cure me Here ends my Lord Marquisses writing When Holdfast hath won he speaks to the Lady Mute Holdfast Are you pleased with my Fortune She speaks very softly Mute Yes Holdfast It is an injury to Nature to whisper out your words but rather they should be blown abroad by Fames loud Trumpet She speaks louder Mute Had I Rhetorick as I have none the loudness of the voice would take away the Elegance of the Speech and drown the sense of the Subject But I desire you and all the rest of this Company may know I am so well pleased with the Change as for this Act of Fortunes savour I shall become a Votress to Her Deity for whom I will build an Altar more famous than Mausolus's Tomb it shall be built with Rhetorick polished with Eloquence carved with Allegories pensil'd with Fancies and gilded with Praise the Materials shall be wise Brains honest Hearts and eloquent Tongues on this Altar shall burn the Fire of Life and all the Actions of Industry shall be offered thereon Letgo What can you speak Mute I am not dumb although my name is Mute Letgo You were almost as silent as if you were dumb all the time you were mine Mute 'T is true but now I am set at liberty my Tongue can run freely Letgo Why you are as much bound to him now as you were to me before Mute I account this bondage a freedom for none can be a slave that is bound to a worthy person who hath a noble nature Holdfast Pray Sir Thomas Letgo do not Court my fortunate Mistris for though you thought her a fool I know her to be both wise and also to have a great Wit Mute I fear my wit is but an Infant-wit and lies in swathling-clouts asleep in the cradle of obscurity But Time may give it growth and practice strength and experience may bring it into the light of knowledge Letgo If you had no Affection for me yet you might have had so much civility as to have exprest your self sociable Mute Civility doth not bind any one to divulge their own infirmities as to express their ignorance by their discourse besides for my part I was so bashful and fearful lest I should cause errours and make such defects as were not naturally in me but only produced by innocent ignorance which made me choose silence to shun scorns but I found it was not a sufficient defence Enter the Lady Liberty and the other Ladies One of the Gentlemen speaks to them 1 Gent. Here is a Miracle not only that the dumb speaks but she that was thought a natural Fool proves a great Wit All the Ladies laugh and repeat scornfully a wit a wit Mute That word Wit that those Ladies return in scorn I with Industry will make it like a reflection to cause a double light and give a greater heat of Sense Reason and Judgment Fancy and Phrase Then she speaks to Sir William Holdfast Sir if I behave my self indiscreetly impute it to an over-flowing joy and those
it do her any service Nurse Fondly But we indanger her life by the consenting to this journey for she that hath been bred with tenderness and delicateness can never indure the coldes and heats the dirt and dust that Travellers are subject to Besides to be disturbed and broaken of her sleep and to have ill Lodging or perhaps none at all and then to travel a foot like a Pilgrim Her tender feet will never indure the hard ground nor her young legs never able to bear her body so long a journey Foster Trusty T is true this journey may very much incommode her yet if she doth not go to satisfie her mind I cannot perceive any hopes of life but do foresee her certain death for her mind is so restless and her thoughts works so much upon her body as it begins to waste for she is become lean and pale Nurse Fondly Well! Heaven bless you both and prosper your journey but pray let me hear often from you for I shall be in great frights and fears Foster Trusty If we should write it may chance to discover us if our Letters should be opened wherefore you must have patience Ex. Scene 10. Enter the Lady Bashfull and Reformer her Woman LAdy Bashfull Reformer I am little beholding to you Reformer Why Madam Lady Bashfull Why you might have told a lye for me once in your life for if you had not spoke the truth by saying I was the Lady they came to see they would never have guest I had been she for they expected me to have been a free bold Entertainer as they were Visitors which is as I do perceive to be rudely familiar at first sight Reformer But to have told a lye had been to commit a sin Lady Bashfull In my conscience tto please the effeminate Sex is to praise their beauty wit vertue and goa most pious and charitable act in helping the distressed Besides you had not only helped a present distress but released a whole life out of misery for as long as I live my thoughts will torment me O! They wound my very soul already they will hinder my pious devotions For when I pray I shall think more of my bashfull behaviour and the disgrace I have received thereby than of Heaven Besides they will starve me not suffering the meat to go down my throat or else to choke me causing it to go awry or else they will cause a Feaver for in my conscience I shall blush even in my sleep if I can sleep For certainly I shall dream of my disgrace which will be as bad as a waking memory O! that I had Opium I would take it that I might forget all things For as long as I have memory I shall remember my simple behaviour and as for my Page he shall go I am resolved to turn him away Reformer Why madam Lady Bashfull Because he let them come in Reformer He could not help it for they followed him at the heels they they never stayed for an answer from you or to know whether you were within or no and there were a great many of them Lady Bashfull I think there was a Legion of them Reformer You speak as if they were a Legion of Angels Lady Bashfull Nay they proved a Legion of Divels to me Reformer There was one that seemed to be a fine Gentleman but he spake not a word Lady Bashfull They may be all what you will make them or describe them for I could make no distinction whether they were men or women or beasts nor heard no articulated sound only a humming noise Reformer They spake loud enough to have pierced your ears if strength of noise could have done it but the Gentleman that did not speak looked so earnestly at you as if he would have looked you thorough Lady Bashfull O that his eyes had that piercing faculty for then perchance he might have seen I am not so simple as my behaviour made me appear Ex. Scene 11. Enter Sir Peaceable Studious and the Lady Ignorance his Wife SIr Peaceable Studious I have lost 500. pounds since you went in with the Ladies Lady Ignorance 500. Pounds in so short a time Sir P. Studious 'T is well I lost no more But yet that 500. pounds would have bought you a new Coach or Bed or Silver Plate or Cabinets or Gowns or fine Flanders-laces and now it s gone and we have no pleasure nor credit for it but it is no matter I have health for it therefore I will call to my Stewards to bring me some more Lady Ignorance No do not so for after the rate you have lost you will lose all your Estate in short time Sir P. Studious Faith let it go 't is but begging or starving after it is gone for I have no trade to live by unless you have a way to get a living have you any Lady Ignorance No truly Husband I am a shiftless creature Sir P. Studious Yes but you may play the Whore and I the Shark so live by couzening and cheating Lady Ignorance Heaven defend Husband Sir P. Studious Or perchance some will be so charitable to give us suck'd bones from stinking breaths and rotten teeth or greasie scraps from fowl hands But go wife prithy bid my Steward send me 500. pounds more or let it alone I will run on the score and pay my losings at a lump Lady Ignorance No dear Husband play no more Sir P. Studious How not play any more say you shall I break good Company with sitting out Besides it is a question whether I have power to leave off now I have once begun for Play is Witch-craft it inchants temperance prudence patience reason and judgment and it kicks away time and bids him go as an old bald-pated fellow as he is also it chains the life with fears cares and griefs of losing to a pair of Cards and set of Dice Lady Ignorance For Heaven sake pitty me If you consider not your self Sir P. Studious Can you think a Husband considers his wife when he forgets or regards not himself when all love is self-love for a man would have his Wife to be loving and chaste for his honours sake to be thrifty for his profit sake to be patient for quiet sake to be cleanly witty and beautifull for his pleasure sake and being thus he loves her For if she be false unkind prodigal froward sluttish foolish and ill-favoured he hates her Lady Ignorant But if a Husband loves his wife he will be carefull to please her prudent for her subsistence industrious for her convenience valiant to protect her and conversable to entertain her and wise to direct and guide her Sir P. Studious To rule and govern her you mean wife Lady Ignorance Yes but a Husbands follies will be but corrupt Tutors and ill Examples for a wife to follow wherefore dear Husband play no more but come amongst the effeminate Societie you will finde more pleasure at less charges Sir P. Studious Well wife You
shall perswade me for this time Lady Ignorance I thank you Husband Ex. Scene 12. Enter the Lady Orphant and Foster Trusty as two Pilgrims FOster Trusty My childe you were best sit and rest your self you cannot chose but be very weary for we have travelled a great journey to day Lady Orphant Truly I am as fresh and my spirits are as lively as if I had not trod a step to day Foster Trusty I perceive love can work miracles Lady Orphant Are not you Father a weary Foster Trusty It were a shame for me to be weary when you are not But my childe we must change these Pilgrims weeds when we are out of our own Countrey as when we are in Italy otherwise we cannot pretend to stay in the Venetian Armie but must travel as Pilgrims do to Ierusalem But it were best we put our selves into Beggers garments until we come into the Armie for fear we should be strip'd by Thieves for I have heard Thieves will strip Travellers if their cloths be not all ragges Lady Orphant 'T is true and Thieves as I have heard will rob Pilgrims soonest finding many good Pilladge wherefore we will accoutre our selves like to ragged Beggers Ex. ACT III Scene 13. Enter the Lady Bashfull as in a melancholly humour and Reformer her Woman REformer Lord Madam I hope you are not seriously troubled for being out of Countenance Lady Bashfull Yes truely Reformer What as to make you melancholly Lady Bashfull Yes very melancholly when I think I have made my self a scorn and hath indangered my reputation Reformer Your reputation Heaven bless you but your life is so innocent harmless chaste pure and sweet and your actions so just and honest as all the Divels in Hell cannot indanger your reputation Lady Bashfull But spitefull tongues which are worse than Divels may hurt my reputation Reformer But spite cannot have any thing to say Lady Bashfull Spite will lye rather than not speak for envie is the mother to spite and slander is the Mid-wife Reformer Why what can they say Lady Bashfull They will say I am guilty of some immodest act or at least thoughts or else of some heynous and horrid crime otherwise I could not be ashamed or out of countenance if I were innocent Reformer They cannot say ill or think ill but if they could and did what are you the worse as long as you are innocent Lady Bashfull Yes truely for I desire to live in a pure esteem and an honourable respect in every breast and to have a good report spoke on me since I deserve no other Reformer There is an old saying that opinion travels without a Passe-port and they that would have every ones good opinion must live in every mans age But I am very confident there is none lives or dyes without censures or detraction even the Gods themselves that made man hath given man power and free will to speak at least to think what they will That makes so many Athiests in thought and so many several factions by disputation and since the Gods cannot or will not be free from censures why should you trouble your self with what others say wherefore pray put off this indiscreet and troublesome humour for if you would not regard censure you would be more confident Lady Bashfull I will do what I can to mend Scene 14. Enter the Lady Orphant and Foster Trusty like two poor Beggers FOster Childe you must beg of every one that comes by otherwise we shall not seem right Beggers Lady Orphant If our necessities were according to our outward appearance we were but in a sad condition for I shall never get any thing by begging for I have neither learn'd the tone nor the Beggers phrase to more pity or charity Foster Trusty Few Beggers move pity they get more by importunity than by their oratorie or the givers charity Enter 2. Gentlemen She goeth to them and beggs Lady Orphant Noble Gentlemen pity the shiftless youth and infirm old age that hath no means to live but what compassionate charity will bestow 1. Gentleman You are a young boy and may get your living by learning to work Lady Orphant But my Father being very old is past working and I am so young as I have not arrived to a learning degree of age and by that time I have learn'd to get my living my Father may be starved for want of food 2. Gent. Why your Father may beg for himself whilst you learn to work Lady Orphant My Father 's feeble legs can never run after the flying speed of pityless hearts nor can he stand so long to wait for conscience aimes nor knock so hard to make devotion hear 1. Gent. I perceive you have learn'd to beg well though not to work and because you shall know my devotion is not deaf there is something for your Father and you 2. Gent. Nay faith boy thou shalt have some of the scraps of my charity to there is for thee Lady Orphant Heaven bless you and grant to you all your good desires Gentlemen Ex. Enter a Lady and Servants Lady Orphant Honourable Lady let the mouth of necessity suck the breast of your charity to feed the hungry Beggers Lady Away you rogue a young boy and beg You should be strip'd whip'd and set to work Lady Orphant Alas Madam naked poverty is alwaies under the lash of miserie which forceth us to work in the quarries of stony hearts but we finde the mineral so hard as we cannot get out enough to build up a livelyhood Lady Imploy your selves upon some other work then Lady Ex. Enter a mean Trades-man Lady Orphant Good Sir relieve a poor begger Trades-man Faith boy I am so poor as I want relief my self yet of what I have thou shalt share with me there is a peny of my two pence which is all I have and Heaven do thee good with it Trades-man Exit Lady Orphant I perceive poverty pities poverty as feeling the like miserie where riches is cruel and hard-hearted not knowing what want is Foster Trusty I perceive wit can work upon every thing and can form it self into what shape it please and thy wit playes the Begger so well as we needed not to have stored our selves from our own Stocks but have lived upon the Stocks of others Lady Orphant But if all Stocks were as insipid as the Ladies we should have starved if we had not brought sap from our own home But Father I am weighed down with the peny the poor Trades-man gave me Foster Trusty Why it is not so heavy Lady Orphant It is so heavy as it burthens my conscience and I shall never be at ease not be able to travel any farther until I have restored the peny to the giver again Foster Nurse How should we do that for it is as hard and difficult to find out that man as to finde out the first cause of effects Lady Orph. Well I will play the Philosopher and search for him Foster Nurse
all their Predecessours besides it is with succession as with a married pair for if the wife be chast the World will give the honour only to the woman but if she be false the World will lay the disgrace on the Husband and think she sees some defect which makes her prefer another before him So in succession if their succession proves fools cowards avaricious treacherous vitious or the like the World straight judges these imperfections and vices were in hereditarie and that they were attaint or stained from the root or stock but if they prove wise valiant generous just or the like they think they were particular gifts of nature or education thus the faults of succession many descents after may darken like black clouds the bright light of their Predecessours worth and merit Besides there is no certainty of a continued line nor doth many children give an assurance to their Father at the day of his death for when he dyes doubts closes his eyes and fears blowes out lifes fire therefore I had rather live in thy fame than live or dye in an infamous and foolish succession Sansp. Heaven make me thankfull that my desires and my fathers approvement agrees Sir you have not only bred me with a tender love but with a prudent Industry And I have followed your instruction with a Religious Ceremony Keept to your principles with a pious Conscience and since nature and education hath joyned together in my tender years to make my life propitious If fortune favour me and opportunity promote me but we are to consider which way I shall steer the course of my life and if you will please I will tell you how I have designed my voyage Father Heaven prosper the through it and send the a safe passage wheresoever thou adventurest Sansp. Then first it is to be considered I am but a small and weak vessell and cannot swim upon the rough and boysterous Seas which are pitcht fields and fighting Armyes wherein I shall be shattered in the croud and drowned in the confusion of disorder wherefore I must swim in the calm rivers of peace where their is no such storms nor high billows only some cross winds may chance to rise which may hinder me but not drown me this calm river is a Theater and the rough Sea as I said a pitcht field my self the ship you the steeradge and fame the port then thus I will relate how I have designed the voyage of my life first never to marry if I may have your consent to live a single life for that time which will be lost in a married condition I will study and work with my own thoughts and what new Inventions they can find out or what probabilityes they conceive or phancies they create I will publish to the world in print before I make them common by discourse but if I marry although I should have time for my thoughts and contemplations yet perchance my Husband will not approve of my works were they never so worthy and by no perswasion or reason allow of there publishing as if it were unlawfull or against nature for Women to have wit And strives allwayes if their wives have wit to obscure it And I am of that opinion that some men are so inconsiderately wise gravely foolish and lowly base as they had rather be thought Cuckolds than their wives should be thought wits for fear the world should think their wise the wiser of the two and that she rules and governs all the affairs at home for most men rather than they will not shew their power and Authority will appear a Quat-queen that is an effeminate scold Secondly I will not receive nor give private vissits or entertainments but from those and to those that duty and gratitude and loyalty enjoyns me for in private visits or entertainments is onely so much time stuft with senceless vain idle light discourses or flattering compliments wherein time and life is unprofitably lost Thirdly I would never speak but in publick for if nature and education have given me wit I would not willingly bury it in private discourses besides privat hearers are secret Thieves and boldly steals having no witnesses to betray or reveale the truth or divuldge their thefts and so they will adorn their discourses with my wit which they steal from me Fourthly I will never speak of any considerable matter or subject or of any new conception but I will have them ready writ to print them so soon as my discourse of them is past or else print them before I discourse of them and afterwards explain them by my tongue as well as by my pen least they should mistake the sence of my workes through Ignorance for those subject that are only discourst off in speach flyes away in words which vanisheth as smoak or shadows and the memory or remembrance of the Author or Oratour melts away as oyle leaving no sign in present life or else moulders as dust leaving no Monument to after-posterity to be known or remembred by when writeing or printing fixes it to everlasting time to the publick view of the World besides a passing discourse makes the tongue but as an Almner to give wit to poor Sharkes to feed them which Sharkes eats without giving praise or thankes never acknowledging at whose cost they live at Nay so unthankfull they are that they will bely the Authors and themselves saying it was their own and it is a certain rule that those Authors they steal most from they will dispraise and rale most at And some are so foolish and of such short memoryes that they will repeat the Authors wit to the Authors self and as confident as it had been created or invented out of their own brains Fifthly I will select times for several discourses and subjects to discourse in publick to several Audiences to which you may if you please invite the grave and wise to hear me and being a woman Oratour the singularity will advance my fame the more besides many accidents may we chance to meet which may prove as steps to ascend or Mount up Thus Sir if you please to approve of my design I shall follow the means or wayes unto it if not I shall submit to what you shall think will be better for me Father I do approve of your design so well as I cannot but admire it And I believe the best designer that ever was never cast such a mould or laid such a plot or drew such a draught to raise a fame on or to work a fame out Sansp. But Sir you must arm yourselfe against all oppositions and Baracodo your ears against all cross perswaders and muster your forces of hopes drawing them into a body of confidence and march with a resolution either to dye in the adventure or to triumph with victory and to live everlastingly in a glorious fame for Sir we shall meet wranglers and jesters scorners and scoffers disputers and opposers contradictors and lyers which
charitable ones But this damn'd money this runnagade this vagabond money 1 Gent. But if you had a statute to whip her home to her own Parish it would do well Letgo I Iack but there is no such law the more the pity but this abominable money disorders all the World What work makes it betwixt Parents and Children Husbands and Wives Brothers and Sisters Masters and Servants Landlords and Tenants Citizens and their Prentices Mistrisses and their Maids and between Kings and their subject Corrupts all the World breaks Friendship betrays Friends raises Rebellions commits Treason and corrupts Virgins It is the Pander and Bawd to all business the States-man is fed by this damn'd Lady Pecunia the Lawyer serves her the Merchants her slave the Shop-keeper her vassal and the Countryman her Tenant Lords and Ladies her pensioners and greatest Monarchs pay tribute to her the Logician argues for her the Orator pleads for her and many Ecclesiasticals preach for her the Vicar General and his Conclave are rul'd by her and the poor Poet she draws his copperas from his ink and makes him flatter her This horrid Lady Sorceress so to bewitch the World Is there no law against this Enchantress that thus doth still abuse the World and all that 's in it The very Souldiers sword is charmed by her and all his guns are silent at her presence This she-devil 3 Gentlem. But I would you had your she-devil again for all that But what Pious and Charitable Consideration had you if you had your money again Letgo Marry Sir First I would build an Hospital for decay'd Ladies that were maim'd in Venus's wars losing a nose or so never yet any care taken of them the more is the pity 2 Gent. Very good and what next Letgo Next I would buy such a piece of ground and build a Bedlam and then put in all such Divines as preach themselvs out of their power and riches and I would put all such Lawyers in as pleaded themselves out of practice and all such Citizens as petition'd themselves out of trade 3 Gentlem. These are good and pious Acts But would not you provide a place or means for such as were undone by playing at Dice and Cards and the like Letgo No they should have only Fools Coats to be known by and I would be the Master of them Exeunt Here ends my Lord Marquiss of Newcastles Writing Scene 35. Enter Mistris Parle Mistris Trifle Mistris Vanity Mistris Fondly and a Matron to the Lady Gosling These all bid her Ioy She thanks them in a low Voice and a constrain'd and formal Behaviour and a foolish grave Countenance TRifle How doth your Husband Madam Lady Gosling I hope he 's well he 's gone abroad Parle You look pale since you were maried Gosling I was not very well this morning for I could not eat my Breakfast truly I have lost my stomack since I have been maried Vanity Perchance you are breeding Gosling Oh fie no surely but yet my Maid laughs and tells me I am Matron I hope Lady you are not breeding already for you have not been maried above three days Gosling I have heard that some have been with Child as soon as they were maried and my Maid told me she served a Mistris who the next day she was maried was with Child Matron By my Faith that was very soon The Lady Gosling pulls off her Glove to take her Handkerchief a pretence to shew her Wedding-ring Fondly Me thinks it is strange to see you have a Wedding-ring on your Thumb Gosling You will come to wear a Wedding-ring on your Thumb one of these days Trifle What is the Posie Gosling I like too well to change Parle 'T is well you do for if you did not you could hardly change unless your Husband dies Gosling Heaven forbid for I would not have him die for all the World for he is one of the lovingest and fondest Husbands that ever was Matron The first Moneth is a fond Moneth Lady Parle And are you fond of him Gosling Yes truly for I hang about his neck when he is at home Matron But you will weary your Husband Lady if you hang a long time Gosling I would very fain you did see my Husband Parle We much desire so to do She calls her Maid Joan The Maid answers as within Madam Gosling Is your Master Sir Anthony Gossing come home yet Maid No Madam Gosling In truth he is too blame to stay out so long knowing I am not well when he is away Vanity Are you sick in his absence Gosling I am best pleas'd when he is with me Matron New-maried Wives are always so but after they have been maried some time they are worst pleased when their Husbands are with them Exeunt Scene 36. Enter the Lady Prudence as a Bride that 's very finely drest in glorious Apparel her Bridegroom in poor old cloaths He leads her as to the Church limping with his Wooden Leg The Bridal Guests seem to make signs of scorning as they follow They all go out but two Gentlemen 1 GEntlem. Me thinks it is a strange sight to see such a Bride and such a Bridegroom I do imagine them to be like Pluto and Proserpine 2 Gent. Nay rather they are like Venus and Vulcan 1 Gent. But she is too chaste to entertain a Mars to Cuckold him 2 Gent. It is to be hop'd she will take her liberty with variety for extravagant love is seldom constant 1 Gent. If that rule prove true he may be a Cuckold indeed 2 Gent. 'T is likely he will for women chuse to marry such deformed men a purpose first to excuse their fault thinking the World will never condemn them their Husbands being ill-favour'dly mis-shapen or thinking their Husbands will be well content knowing their own infirmities to be a sharer 1 Gent. But I wonder she did not new-cloath him for though he is not so rich to buy himself a Wedding-Suit yet she hath means enough to buy him many several suits and rich 2 Gent. There was no time to make him Wedding-cloaths because he came not till his Wedding-day 1 Gent. Well let us go see them maried and wish them joy Exeunt Scene 37 Enter Sir Thomas Letgo Sir William Holdfast and two or three other Gentlemen So far of this Scene as Sir Thomas Letgo's the Marquis of Newcastle writ LEtgo Since my losses I have such a desire of Revenge as my fingers itch to be at it and the Palsie is in my elbow with the imagination of throwing those partial bones call'd by the Vulgar Dice they say they are square fellows but I doubt it Well have at them whatsoever comes on 't for I long more for them than the great Belly that long'd to bite her Husbands Nose or to give him a box on the Ear or she that threw her loaf into a barrel of Tar and if I have not my longings in my Conscience I shall miscarry 1 Gent. Take heed Sir that you do