Yes I warrāt ye if you can finde in your heart to loue marry me let me alone for that I le keep ye like a mā al daies of your life besides if the stones of the street in the ciue shold be too hot for ye that ye dare not walk on them for feare the wicked vanities of the world shold catch hold of ye as they haue done to the vtter ouerthrow vndoing of many a good mā yet I can get my liuing in the Suburbs what trade so euer go down I doubt not but mine will hold vp as long as the kingdome yeeldes either souldiers or younger brothers which wants maintenance to keep wiues of their own No M. Wages my trade is a sweet trade little doth any body know what cōmings in I haue daily I keep 3. as good fetherbeds going winter sūmer as any sinner in the suburbs besides I warrant ye I get aboue 20 poūd a yeare in Rennish wine at the second hand VVag. Wel aske my Ma. if he be willing yee shall finde me forward M C. And that 's as much as any woman can aske truly and please your worship I haue a suite to you Kni. What i st Mi. Cor. for you are verye like to speede M.C. That I may haue your good wil to marry M. Wages Kni. VVhy you haue a husband aliue Mi. C. I but I can be deuorc'd from him and like your worship for three seuerall causes which I knowe well ennough I warrant ye Kni. If he be willing with all my hart Mist Cor. I thanke your worship Sla. Hise fellow Wages pray a word we doost meane to haue her VVag. I Slac: Well goe thy waies I warrant thee a sound peece of her VVag: A peece why a peece didst thou euer shoot in her Slac. Who I no she recoiles too much in the discharging for me to meddle with but doost heare put her away againe as soone as thou can'st if thou keepe her long if she proue not like a commodity of wood and stink in thy hāds then hang me Kni. Well Mistris Correction I could wish you goe about this your affaires as soon as you may Slack Wages doe you two follow me Exeunt 3 one doore and the Baud at the other Enter Peg and Nan Na. Now by my chaste thoughts which I was mother of at nine yeres olde I heere sweare neuer to be in loue yet Maister Nuecome the Courtier thinkes with the wearing of a neate boote and a cleane band to catch my loue napping as Morse catch this Mare but Venus be my good speede and Cupid send me good lucke for my heart is very light and I feare t is but like a Candle burnt into the Socket which lightens a little before it goes out Peg. I moste feare t is like lightning before thunder I pray haue a careyehold fast Nan Come thou hast such a running wit t is like an Yrish foote boy I feare t will rob thee of all thy friendes and then runne from thee and leaue thee But I pray thee tell me one thing Peg I will an 't be a good thing Nan Hast thou thy Maiden head yet Peg My maiden-head faith I Nan Come prethee doe not lye for they say t is lost lying and by the strength of my little vertue I wonder for mine own part to see how this foolish virginity is esteem'd when there is such danger in the keeping it for who dooth not knowe that the barren wombe is curst and al know virgins haue no children besides Women shall bee saued by the bearing of Children how think'st thou are they Peg Nay I cannot tell you were best trie Nan Indeede they say t is good to trie before one trust Peg But I pray thee tell me one thing now Nan And what 's that Peg The reason why thou art come runne away from thy Father considering the forman of your Shop mee thought was a good hansome fellow Nan T is true so he was but he had no leysure to keep me company a workie daies for crying what doe you lacke and a Holy daies hee would bee at stoole-ball among'st the boyes when I had moste neede of him but to tell thee the true cause of my comming away I should haue marryed a young vnthriftie Lord one that will giue his verrye soule to a faire woman and faith sometimes though shee be neuer so foule yet he will lend her his bodie he had neuer a hayre on his beard this three or foure yeare but might a bin an vtter barrester for they haue moulted all fiue or six times he 's like death he spares none yong nor olde rich nor poore faire nor foule hee takes all Peg Well Nan well thou art happy thou wer 't borne vnder a good Planet thou hast store of sutes but prethee looke is there none heare's our counsaile Nun No none speake boldly lasse Peg I thinke an ill starre raigned when I was borne I cannot haue as much as suiter this Maister Nuecome that you for sooth so much scorne I could finde in my heart to pray nine times to the Moone and fost three Saint Annes eues so that I might bee sure to haue him to my husband Nan I thou wouldst haue him dreaming but not waking I am sure Peg Not waking yea a bed too for heere I vow euen by the chastest thoughts that ere was nurs'd within Dianaes brest and by those purple drops chaste Lucres spilt and by the vnstainde coulloar of a maidens blush that I will prooue as true vnto his bed as ere did she that did Vlisses wed Nan Nay since I haue refus'd a Lord by this light I scorne to marry any vnder the degree of a Knight Peg. No I would not haue a Knight if I might for there are so many as they are forgotten what they be Nan Nay I then I see you are deceu'd why woman they haue moste of them taken an order that they wil neuer be forgotten for they haue book'd themselues downe a purpose I knowe aboue three twentie in one Mercers bookes in Cheape side then iudge thou how many are in al their bookes and there is that will bee a witnesse I warrant you to after ages what their forefathers haue beene Peg I but that 's but their faults yet you knowe their calling is honourable though Nan Faith thou saiest true I must needes say Knighthoode is like marriage know a daies which thought be honoarable amongst al men yet is beggarlie with a great many but come shal 's goe to dinner and see what stomacke I haue to my vittailes for y faith i haue none to a husband I would not taste a morsell of a gentleman for any money Peg O that 's because thou art not hungrie Nan T is true indeed a little bit would fill my bellie Exeunt amnes Enter Lady and Slacke after her La. O my vnkinde husband why doost reiect mee if not on thee where should I fix my loue to haue
both together in this you know they both did lie together and yet made you no cuckold Kni. Ha! mean'st so Wag. Euen so indeede sir Kni. Nay then I crie ye mercy wife yfaith shee yet may chance be honest Wag. O sir verie honest as a prettie Semsteris or a poore waiting Gentlewoman Kni. Well Wages if I be a Cuckold Wag. Why sir what will ye doe if ye be Kni. What will I doe I le make it knowne for I will bee a Cittizen and so be a Subiect for Poets and a slaue to my owne wife therefore followe mee Wages I will doo 't Exeunt omnes Enter the Lady alone Lad. O griefe how thou torment'st me it dwels in mine eyes feastes on my blood swimmes in my teares and lodges in my heart O heauen haue I deseru'd this plague O Husband why should'st thou vse mee thus was not my behauiour vnto thee as soft as Downe as smoothe as pollish'd christall I and my loue as cleere was I not like a hand-maide euen obedient to thy verye thoughts did not my nuptiall duetie like a shadowe followe the verie turning of thine eye Oh! thou once didst loue mee but thy loue was too hot and like to selfe consuming fire it burnt out and how soone t is turn'd to colde ashes therfore hencefoorth I le seeme iealious of him for since all indeuours faile I le now trye if Iealousie can driue out iealousie and here is fit occation for to work vpon Why how now Husband wooing of another wife before my death whence comes this in my conscience t is a plague that Cupid hath laine vppon mee for sleeping croslegd in your absence What are ye growne as wearie of your wife as of a foule shirt must ye be changing Peg. Good madam be patient La. Patient no you are his patient and he is your Phisitian a ministers to ye with a Morbus Gallicus take ye both I pray forsooth let mee bee your Butler and scrape your Trenchers since I am alreadye faine to liue of your leauinges Kni. Woman art Iellious La. I Kni. Why La. Because you giue me cause but man are you iealious Kni. I La. why Kni. Because thou giuest me cause La. T is false Kni. True false thou hast beene false indeed abusd my bed infected euen my verrie blood and made it growe to hard impostumes on my browes hast thou not wantonly chang'd naked imbracements with strangers abus'd thy nuptial vowe hath not thy vnsatiate womb brought forth the bastardie of lust to call me father but I le abandon thee disclaime that and hate ye both Nue. Do' y heare me sir vpon my conscience you doe wrong your Ladie Kn. If I wrong her you le doe her right I beare a blow of yours the which I neuer felt you are like a mans Taylor that workes with open shop for the Husband but if you chance to doe any thing for the wife you must doe it inwards inwards you are a good workeman I must needes say 't you haue fitted my wiues body how sa'y wife has a not La. Not but you can euen in my sight cast amorous glances on others you haue forsook my bed abhorred my presence and like a man past grace and shame strout like a pimpe before a wanton feather waging minkes at hie noone besides did not I finde thee kissing of thy Maide Kni. Did not I finde thee in priuate conference with my horsegroome Lad. Didst thou not offer thy maide a new gowne for a nights lodging Kni. Didst not thou giue a Diamond to the Butler Lad. Didst not thou send a bow'd Angel to thy Landressse Daughter Kni. No t is false Lad. Yes t is true and then when I told thee on 't thou swarest t was out of charitie because the Wench was poore her Father an honest man and her Mother a painful woman for these and these causes you were kinde vnto the Daughter great whil'st I was contented to beleue because I was vnwilling like a faint harted Soldier to looke of myne owne wounds vntill I saw thou daylie woundst my loue a new and slew'st thine one reputation Kni. Art mad Lad. No but a little Iealious like you I will no longer mantaine thy sanguine sin sooth lust with patience nor in broken singing language flatter thy folly as sweet hart do not wāder for I doe loue thee deare as doth a Goose her Gander a Goose indeed for if ought but a Goose I should a sought reuenge for wronges Kni. What art drunke La. No for I haue sufficiēt reason too much knowledge and sence enough to feele my wronges why should wee women bee slaues to your imperfections haue wee not soules of one mettall are we not as free borne as you are we not all Adams Of-spring did not you fall as well with him as wee and shall wee bee still kept downe and you rise Kni. Doost heare ye are a sort of vncertaine giddy wauering tottering tumbling creatures your affections are like your selues and yourselues like your affections vp downe like the tuckes on your Petticotes which you let fall and take vp as occasion serues I haue seene of your sex fall in loue with a man for wearing a hansome Rose on his shoe another fall into the passion of the heart to see a man vntie his pointe to make water a third fall into the shaking Ague for eating a bodie cherry with two stones and yet you l be fellowes euen with the verie image of your maker but wilt let me alone and yfaith I le be quiet La. A lone faith no Kni. Then I le leaue thee since I know t is folly beyond madnesse to make her pleasure cause of my sadnesse Exit Knight Nue. Beleeue it Lady this was well done and like a Lady of a hie birth make your husband know his aduauncement La. O shadow shadowe I would haue you knowe I would not wrong him for all the seas drown'd ritches for if my heart of bloud should doe it as hee supposeth it doth euen that bloud would like a traytor write my faultes with blushing redde vpon my cheekes but because I as all women and Courtyers doe loue good cloathes which his eyes weare yet hee abraides me swearing t is to please the multitude and that I spread gay raggs about mee like a nette to catch the hearts of strangers if I goe poore then hee sweares I am beastly with a loathed sluttishnesse if I bee sad then I grieue hee is so neare if merrie and with a modest wantonising kisse Imbrace his Loue then are my twistings more dangerous then a Snakes my lust more vnsatiate then was Messalinas Yet this from Iealiousie doth alwaies growe What moste they seeke they loth'st of all would knowe But now to you deare Cousen forgiuenesse let mee aske and pardon for my fained Iealousie and take but thus much of my counsaile Marrye not in hast for she that takes the best of Husbands puts but on a gouldē fetter for husbands are but like to
I le take my leaue of you till your occasion shall neede my presence Kni. Fare ye well sir I hope that shall be neuer but haue not I spun a faire thred thinke you to be a verry Baude an arrant wittall to giue them oportunitie put them together Nay holde the dore the whil'st this is my wiues plot by which I haue saild to Cuckolds hauen yet my saile was but a smocke which shee her selfe hoist vp alas alas Gentlemen doe you not knowe the Philosopher saith this world is but a stage hodie mihi cras tibi my part to day it may be some of yours to morrowe why t is but matrimoniall chance wee that are Cuckolds should be wissest men for no men else doe knowe their endes but wee knowe ours for we are forked at both O thou powerfull and celestiall Ioue strike downe from heauen some congealed boltes of thunder that it may pierce the wombe of earth and through it send thy lightning flames to make hell hotter then it is or with Egiptian dampes and rotten iawes renouate thy eating plague of life dissolue nature consume earth destroy hell and dambe woman I beseech thee into a deeper dungeon then the Deuill They fill men with diseases and giue the wane-eyde Sunne of Heauen cause to smile to see our paines shall the gaping of graues the scritching of Ghostes and cries of damned soules yet longer bee defer'd shall time incorporate with sinne and beget more mischiefe shall hell bee better furnished with women then with Deuils infernall Lucifer will muster vp his female soules against thy dietie vnlesse thou doe abridge the course of sinne by cutting off the increase of women and then wee shall haue no more cuckolds Come ye hether wife come ye hether pra'y tell me one thing true Enter Lady Lady True why husband I le lye for no mans pleasure Kni: Yes for his pleasure that is gone La. For his pleasure why for his pleasure Kni. Because you are a Puncke wife a puncke La. Now Ioue blesse me Kni: You are a Cockatrice wife a cockatrice La. Now heauens defend me Kni: You are a whore wife a whore La. Sir the man is mad Kni: I horne mad ah thou vile perfidious detestable lasciuious vnsatiable Luxurious and abhominable strumpet was it not enough to be an Acteon a cornuto a cuckolde but to make mee a Baude a Pimpe a Pander La. What Pimpe what Pander Kni: What Pimpe what Pander why was not this the Lord Nonsuch did I not see his chaine nay prethee say t wa's not he nay sweare it too ouer shooes ouer bootes since yee haue waded to the bellie in sinne nay now goe deeper euen to the breast and heart La. Pra'y heare me husband Kni, What vile excuses canst make how canst thou hide thy lust wouldst wrap thy sinne in periurie to muffell vp thy villany La. Nay good Husband for pittie sake hear me Kni. Talk not of pittie pittie is deafe and cannot heare the poore mans crie much lesse a strumpets La. For charitie heare me Kni. Charity is frosen and benumb'd with colde it cannot helpe thee doost kneele doost kneele to the heauen 's not to me yet they looke thy heart should stoope and not the knee Doost weepe dost Rise rise thou stumpet go out of my sight in in Lor. I goe Yet this my comfort in the gall of life Suspition neuer wrong'd a truer wife Exit Lord Enter Wages Kni. Hoe Wages Wag. Heere sir Kni. Come heather Wages my olde resolution is come on me againe and it shall make me doe much for I will geld my selfe VVag. Alasse sir that 's the onely way to make you doe little Kni. Therefore goe fetch me the Opperator Wag. What 's he sir Kn. The stone-Cutter Wag O you meane the Sow-gelder Kni. O he 's an excellent fellow he takes away the cause of a mans beastlie desires Wag. I and of their manly performance too Kni. He makes a man not care a rush for a woman Wag. No nor a Woman care a strawe for a man Kni. Doth not such a fellow deserue commendations Wa. Yes as a hangman doth for cutting off the traitors that makes the flesh rebell Kni: Wages I doe now more doubt my wiues honestie then euer therefore I le make him the touchstone of her reputation Wag. Faith sir ye might get easier touchstones then hee a great deale there 's many a Goldsmithes wife in Cheape-side could helpe you to a better Kni. He deserue's much praise Wag. I as your cockatrice doth for the dismembring of men Kni. If she be a punckit I le not be diuorc'd Wag. Why should ye why ye cannot keepe more Gentlemanlike company besides your puncke is like your pollitition for they both consume themselues for the commō people And your punck of the two is the better member for she like a candell to light others's burnes hir selfe Kni. Well wages come follow me for I am resoul'd to trie my wiues honestie Exeunt Omnes Finis Act. second Actus Ter. scena prima Enter young Nonsuch like a begging Soldier Young Lord Venus lay where Mars had found her And in warlike armes he bound her Cupid cride and Vulcane spide And thereon threw the Sciclops But his horne begatte his scorne With all the little Gods mockes Now some honest Gentleman passe by that I might sell him the maiden-head of my occupation for a halfe penny masse heere a comes a shall ha 't ye faith Enter Nucome Worshipfull Gentleman looke with your eye and pitty with your hert the distresse of a martiall mā I haue bene a man in my daies and acquainted with better fortunes then I now see time hath beene I haue borne armes but now one's gone and I can no longer write Gentleman wherfore if you please to bestowe but one poore thistle of your bountie to pricke the blister of my pouertie it would set my slender fortunes a flote where they now lie beating on the goodwins of famine I am none of these Ludgations that beg for fourescore and ten poore men my suite is only for my selfe Nuc. Whome hast thou serued friend Lor. First I seru'd in Ireland then in Holland Braband Zealand Gelderland Friesland and most of the seauenteen Prouinces I was at the siedge of Bargon vp sone carryed a pike at the entrance of Sluce and was hurt in the groine entring the breche Nue: Who was thy Captaine Lor. I serued vnder the commaund of Captaine pipe Nue: Who captaine Gregorie Pipe Lor. No sir Captaine Tobacco Pipe Nue. O I know him well indeede hee is on the English nation hath much imploiments Lor. I can assure your worship sir I haue seene him in very hot seruice and when some of vs his followers haue smok'd for 't too wherefore I beseech you sir bestowe something on me for the knowledge you had of my good Captaine Nue. Go to sirra I feare ye are a counterfeite Rogue Lor. How Rogue sir though none of fortunes fauourites nor great mens minions yet