otherwise might chance to receiue some scandall I was pressing this argument a little more home vnto him but he interrupted me and answered thus vnto me Sir hath not you worship oft heard say En cada tierra su vso Euery Country hath his custome This goes currant here and that in Italy And that other I am sure is not vnknowne vnto you Cada loco en su casa sabe mas que el cuerdo en el agena Euery foole is wiser in his owne house then a wise man is in anothers Whereunto I replyde If here bee no better Law then this and if people shall suffer them-selues to bee gouerned in this manner I know well enough what I say I tell you plainly I like not of it nor can I by any meanes approue it And to this end it is also said Al mal vso quebrarle la pierna A bad Custome is better broken then kept The legs of it are to be broken that it may not stand any more in force A holy good and iust Law ought to be grounded on reason I am of your minde said mine Hoste but they that are more learned then I am would peraduenture giue you better satisfaction then I can Yet in my opinion it seemeth to carry some force with it and I am verily perswaded that that which moued them to make this Law vvas not that a vvidow might not marry but that being a vvidow shee might not liue in vvant and to take away all occasion left for lacke of conuenient maintenance according to the condition of her qualitie she might fayle in her obligation and vse that ill vvhich vvas instituted for good so that the fault is the vvomans though the punishment be the mans This mine honest Hoste did not halfe satisfie me vvith this as he thought his sound reason vvhereupon I entred into a discourse thinking vvith my selfe vvhat kinde of creatures these vvomen be vvho if you leade them by euill vvayes they turne euill if by good worse and neuer shall you come to know vvhat to make of them They are the making or the marring of their house The establishers or the destroyers thereof In their running they trip and in going they fall And therefore their name sutes vvell vvith their nature being for this cause called Woman because she is a vvoe to man She hath a smooth skinne but a harsh nature a soft tongue but a hard heart silken vvords but sowtage deeds They seemed me thought vnto me pardon the coursnes of my comparison to be like vnto straw vvhich if you let it stand in the field in its naturall place without laying it in such rooms vvhere it ought to be kept it is preserued by the vvinde and raine but if you restraine and straiten it clapping it vp close in some little priuate lodging it will shoote it selfe out and breake through the walls nor shall you reape any other good of it then that sowre iuice which it will yeeld you like vnto that of the sowre Orange affording much bitternesse but no benefit They know not how to keepe a meane in their actions and lesse in their loue or hate Nor euer yet could they vse a moderation in their crauings and desirings That much which they receiue they thinke it still too little and that little which they giue they alwaies thinke it too much They are generally couetous yet notwithstanding all these faults naked is that house where there is neuer a wife All will reele where the Reele goes not Where there is neuer a white apron there is no good order the meat ill drest and the table sluttish As the breath of man doth vphold houses that they runne not to ruine and decay so the steps of a well gouernd huswife doth preserue and multiply wealth And as a good Chine of Bacon makes glorious porrige and as a man becomes the streets so doth a woman adorne the house But this is not a place to treat of their vertues I come vnto mine owne which at that time were more then the vertues of Tobacco I continued a while discoursing with mine Host who made me a la ge relation of many things concerning that Citie as of its priuiledges and liberties from which conuersation of his I receiued so much content and was so attentiue to his talke that I would haue forgone any other intertainment to haue inioyed this his pleasing discourse I may thanke my sinnes that had brought me thither I had taken an extreame cold in the Galley which I was not yet well rid of and finding my head stâ—…t I pluck't a handkercher out of my pocket and blew my nose which I hâ—…d no sooner pull'd thence but I opened it and look't thereupon as if that Oyster had afforded me a pearle it being the manner and fashion of that Countrey so to doe contrarie to the rule of good manners being a no lesse slouenlie then common tricke amongst them The crafty Rogue mine Hoste perceiuing why I did it and that I made as it were a scâ—…ffe of their customes being a good speaker as hee was a proper handsome fellow and a pleasant speaking in a low voyce and nodding his head towards me softly said vnto me Flie Sir flie Hide your selfe as soone as you can Quickly quickly I say Poore and miserable man that I was O these his words how ill did they sound in mine eares O how my heart was scorcht with them like the Partridge that is first singed in the fire and afterwards to be put presently on the spit My feathers were singed and my pride abated Hee had scarce made an end of his words when at two leapes I had got me behinde the curtaines of the bed He being ignorant of my villanies thought that I had done this innocently and out of simplicitie as being startled with the sodainnesse thereof and so instantly breaking out into a loud laughter he merrily said vnto me I perceiue Sir you are not troubled with the Gout by my faith Sir you are a nimble actiue Gentleman your Worship may now come forth if you please as God would haue it it is nothing the storme is past the coast cleare and you may safely shew your selfe vpon the hatches I came forth from thence as pale as ashes my colour was quite gone and death appeared in my face and did much wonder at my selfe considering the gâ—…eat feare and peâ—…turbation I then was in that the sodaine astonishment and the affâ—…ight iâ—… had put me into had not made me to leap out of the window into the street I came out at last but whether more amazed or ashamed I cannot tell you but I sought to dissemble it the best I could that I might not raise vp that dust which might chance to put out mine eies Being now come againe to my selfe I ask't him what was the mysterie of this and what he meant by it I pray
pale as ashes was set on fire by those coales of anger which were kindled in my brest against him But because I was not then a Cock that stood vpon my owne dunghill nor scarce mine owne man as also for that I found my selfe disarmed and as it were in a desart by my selfe I held my tongue and said nothing vnto him because I could not crowe as I would For it is discretion to dissemble that which a man cannot helpe Patiently brooking this his rather grinning then laughing And those ends that are doubtfull in their obtaining must be throughly first consulted on and be reduced to some certain grounds and Principles For opinions are various and honours vitreous glassy and subiect to breaking And if I should there at that time haue mis-behaued my selfe happely he would haue laid hold on me first and by aduenturing to gaine vpon him I might haue runne the hazzard if not the certainty of losing all For Competition is a thing to be auoided But if it cannot be auoided but that we must needs haue it let it be with our equals and rather of the two with thy Superiours then thy inferiours but haue a care that thou doe not ouer-match thy selfe with those that are too strong for thee lest they trample vpon thee and tread thee vnder foot Euery thing hath its Vice and there must an account be giuen of it But although I did forbeare him yet he had so heated me that out of the warmth of that choller which yet boyled within me I could not choose but tell him My friend Doe you see me coated for a Foole or with a Fooles Cap on my head Or what else is it that occasions you thus to laugh He rather increasing then ceasing his laughter as if it had beene a taske put vpon him or a part that he had beene enioyned to play so fast it came from him that gaping with his mouth fist-wide he let his head fall on tone side for hee was not able for laughing to hold it vpright and laying both his hands as hard as he was able one while vpon his belly another on his sides for feare of bursting he was scarce able to sit vpon his Beast for falling and seemed with his extreme straining of himselfe as if he would at euery bout haue come tumbled downe on the ground I was about to answere him some three or foure times but I could neuer come to doe it for I no sooner offered to speake vnto him but he presently fell a fresh to his laughing till he chuck't againe so did his pot runne ouer when it once fell a boyling God be thanked yet at last after this great invndation and sudden breaking forth of waters that those ouer-flowings of Tagus could not be greater began to fall by little and little by patches and by pieces now a word then a word as well as he could hauing taken a little breath deliuering his minde by halfes like one that stumbles and goes and goes and stumbles he blunderd forth these words vnto me My good Youth I doe not laugh at your ill successe nor doe your mis-fortunes glad me any whit at all but I laugh at that which hapned to this woman scarce two houres since Did you happely meet with two young fellowes that were Camerades and walkt along together and seemed by their habit to be Souldiers the one clad in a medley greene suite the other in a gray or ash-colour'd cloth with a white doublet cut to the skin These two quoth I by your description if my memory doe not faile me when I left the Inne remained there behinde beeing newly come in when I went my way and called for their dinner These then said the Carrier are those that haue reuenged your quarrell And the iest that they put vpon the Hostesse is that which I now laugh at But if you goe my way get vp vpon one of these beasts as we ride along I will tell you how it was I thankt him for his kindnesse as I had good cause so to doe considering my present necessitie rendring him such good language as I thought might make sufficient paiment for such a courtesie For good words requite good workes when a man is not able to pay him that he is beholding vnto in better money and that he is in necessitie to whom the kindnesse is done Mounting my selfe then vpon this ill accoutred Gennet howbeit it was no better then a plaine Asse with a pack-saddle yet it seemed to me a Silla de manos or easie hand-Chayre a Litter or a Coach drawne with foure horses For some succour in case of necessitie although it bee little yet it helpeth much and that which is but a triffle to him that giues is an infinit supply to him that wants it is like a little stone that is throwne into a smooth cleere water which makes not only many but great circles also And then is a kindnesse most to be esteemed when it comes in a good coniuncture albeit it alwayes comes well and neuer too late so as it come at last Now me thought I saw Heauen opened and my honest Carrier appearing vnto me in the shape of an Angell His face was as ioyfull vnto me as that of the desired Physician is to him that is afflicted with sicknesse I say desired because as perhaps you may haue heard a Physician hath three faces Of a man when wee see him and haue no need of him Of an Angell when we are sicke and cannot bee without him and of a Diuell when at one and the selfe-same time our sicknesse and our purse ends together and yet for his priuate interest and to gaine a fee he followes vs with dayly visits As it hapned to a Gentleman in Madrid who hauing sent for a Physician for a certaine infirmity where-withall he was troubled euery visit that he made gaue him a Crowne The humour ceased but his Physician was not in the humour to cease from comming vnto him Now the Gentleman when he saw that he was thorow well and that his Physician did still continue his Visits he got him vp one morning very early and went to Church Now when the Physician came to visit him and found him not at home he asked his seruant whither he was gone He like a foole as he was for there are seruants still inow for their Masters hurt but few for their profit told him that he was gone forth to Masse to such a Church My nimble Doctor putting spurres to his Mule for to make the more haste went with all speed to the said Church and searching for him at last he found him and then said vnto him What a-Gods name Sir doe you meane to commit so great an excesse as to go abroad without my leaue The Gentleman who knew well inough what he came for and seeing that now he had no more need of him put his hand in his pocket tooke out his
y mierda durt and turds had beene set before such a fellow as this he would haue made no bones of it nor found no difference in the going downe of it But that I who was daintily brought vp and borne of ciuill parents and such as were neat and curious in their dyet that I should not find out this deceit my hunger must needs be great and this must excuse my errour The desire that I had to eate something that was good was exceeding great so that euery thing seemed too little to feed mine eyes This cunning Rogue mine Host gaue it vs by way of distillation Limbecke-fashion now a little and then a little and therefore it is no such wonder had it had farre greater defects that it should seeme vnto me a well-ordered Banquet Haue you not heard it sayd Que à la hambre no ay mal pan That all bread is sauoury to the hungry I say all seemed to me to be Suckets and Marmalate and me thought I should neuer haue enough to fill my belly I demanded if he had any thing else He told me we might if wee would haue the braines fryed with some butter and egges We told him we would but we are slower in telling him so then he in going about it nay almost in the dressing of it In the meane while lest we might not catch cold with standing still like your Poste-horses when they haue run their stage he gaue vs to intertaine the time withall a piece of flesh folded and rolled vp made out of the Tripes after the fashion of your rosted Oliues of Veale together with some of the Filme and rinde of the belly I did not like the taste of it halfe wel it smelled me thought like rotten straw that 's throwne out vpon the dunghill Whereupon I thrust it from me leauing it to my Companion who entred roundly vpon it deuouring it as greedily as a man would grapes comming into a Vineyard in the time of Vintage Nor did it grieue mee awhit to see him fall to it so lustily but was rather very glad of it thinking by this meanes that when he had beene full-fed therewith a greater part of the braines would fall to my share But it fell out contrary to my expectation for he had neuer awhit the more cloyd his panch nor did hee cease to lay about him with as good a stomacke as if he had not all the day nor night before eaten so much as one morsell of bread The egges and the braines were set vpon the Board and when my honest Carrier saw this fine Froyze he began according to his old wont to laugh out alowd with as wide a throat as you can imagine I did fret and fume and chafe with my selfe out of all cry conceiting with my selfe that he made himselfe merry with my miserie and tooke delight to represent to my remembrance those former loathsome things that had lately ouerthrowne my stomacke Our Host thereupon looking very soberly on vs both with a watchfull eye obseruing our behauiour and with an itching eare listening to heare what we sayd seeing his dis-composed laughter so ill seasoned and vn-occasioned as he thought was much mooued thereat fearing that hee had found out his Knauery for vntill then there was not any matter offered that might mooue occasion of laughter And therefore he was ielous that the Foxe was now vn-earthed and this must needs be it And because a guilty person carries his Beard euermore vpon his shoulder vmbrae suae imagine concutitur and is afraid of his owne shadow because his owne conscience doth accuse him and the committed fault represents the deserued punishment Euery the least act or inkling of any thing whatsoeuer he imagineth that it is all meant against him and that the very ayre doth whistle foorth his offence and publisheth it to all the world This poore Rogue albeit a very villaine hardened in roguery and habituated in mischiefe and being steeped and layen long in soke as it were in thefts and all kinds of coozenages was now out of heart and grew silly and weake-spirited and was ready to quake for feare Besides such kind of men are commonly Cowards and haue onely an outside of men but no manhood at all Why is it thinke you that some men hacke and hew and threaten to kill and slay and like Tygres lay about them I will tell you the reason of it They do this not out of true metall but to make others afraid and to supply by this roaring carriage the defect of their courage being like herein vnto dogges whereof those that are barkers are the least biters they are like your little Melitean dogges or a kind of foysting-Hounds which are made all of noyse and barking but if you turne towards them they clap their taile betweene their legges and runne away Our Host was as I haue told you much troubled for feare suspicion and ielousie is a propertie that is still incident to an euill liuer He had quite lost his stirrops nor did he know how or which way to recouer his seat but began to sweare with many great and horrible oathes that it was very good Veale that hee had set before vs and that we had no iust cause nor reason to laugh as we did and if need were I could bring you an hundred witnesses to testifie as much These words he vttered with much passion with a face as red as fire that the blood seemed to trickle downe his cheekes and sparkles to flash for very anger foorth his eyes The Carrier lifting vp his head and looking earnestly vpon him told him Who medles with you my friend what wrong haue we done you that you are so cholericke We do not touch vpon you no not so much as to aske you how you do or how old you are Haue you any Edict or Proclamation here in the house that doth set a taxe or rate vpon laughing or to what proportion and quantitie your ghests shall be tyed to laugh if at any time he be so disposed vpon paine of some great forfeit or is this a generall sessing set thereupon and you alone haue got the Monopoly thereof into your hands If it be so good mine Host let euery man weepe or laugh as he will himselfe and take that a Gods-name which is your due and recouer your right of vs by order of Law I tell you Sir you are mistaken in me for I am of that free disposition that if I were minded to laugh at any thing of yours I am not so meale-mouth'd but I would plainely tell you at what I laught These egges now put me in mind of those other which my Companion here did eate to day at an Inne some three Leagues hence Then hee vp and told all that had passed as my selfe before had deliuered vnto him and that which happened afterwards in his presence betwixt the old Hostesse and my two young Souldiers in the
afflict him that from that day forward you could neuer get a cheerefull looke from him and making things impossible seeme possible vnto him hee did wrastle and struggle with himselfe imagining that this new Competitor being powerfull in his owne House and Country might vse some tricks and deuices wherewith to hinder his intent being so sollicitous as he was and so earnest in the businesse He feared againe on the other side lest she might be wrought to alter her former affection for many batteries make a breach in the strongest walles and with secret mynes they are blowne vp and laid leuell with the ground Out of this iealousie of his hee discoursed in his thoughts of Tragicall ends and disastrous accidents which presented themselues vnto his phantasie which he did not so much beleeue as he did mightily feare because hee was a perfect Louer Daraxa seeing how her dearest beloued had for many dayes together continued in this melancholy mood was very desirous to know the cause of this his sadnesse but she could not wring it from him nor did he speake a word of that vnto her vvhich had past betwixt him and Don Rodrigo Shee poore Gentlewoman knew not what to do nor vvhich way to vvorke him to bee merry howbeit with sweet words vttered from a daintier tongue pleasant smiles and a constant heart much augmented by those faire eyes whose warme teares did be-dew her tender cheeks with those cristall waters which did slow from them she softly breathed foorth hauing first sent foorth many a sigh as heralds of her sorrowfull mind these few words vnto him Lord of my life and liberty my betroathed vvhom I honour and obay what thing can there be of that force I being aliue and in your presence that should thus to my hurt torment and grieue you May my life peraduenture be the price of your ioy or how vvill you be pleased to dispose of it whereby my soule may be freed from this hell of sorrow vvherein for your sake I am tormented Let the chearefull heauen of your countenance scatter those clouds vvherewith my heart is ouer-cast if I am able to doe any thing with you if the loue which I beare you deserueth ought if the griefe wherein I am may moue you to pity if you will not that my life receiue its buriall in your secrecie I beseech you to tell me the cause of your sadnesse Here she stopt for her teares had choak't her vtterance sorrow working on them both one and the same effect for he could not answer her otherwise then with the scalding teares of loue each striuing with their owne to dry vp the others seeming both to bee one and the selfe-same thing as long as their tongues were thus tyed and the current of their speach stopped Ozmin with the oppression of his sighes for he closely smoothered them fearing if he should vent them to be ouer-heard did so long resist them by returning them backe againe vnto his soule from whence they would haue broken out their way that he fell downe into a swoune and so deepe an one as that he lay for dead Daraxa knew not what to do nor how to fetch him againe nor which way to comfort him nor could she conceiue what might be the cause of this so great and sudden an alteration hauing formerly beene accustomed to shew himselfe merry and cheerefull Shee was very busie in wiping his face in drying his eyes putting her faire hands vpon them after she had dip't a rich hand-kerchiefe that she had about her in the water imbroydered with gold and siluer inter-wouen with diuers other glorious colours and scattered here and there with pearle and other deuices of wonderfull both worth and workmanship So much was she transformed into this paine of his and her senses so wholly taken vp in seeking to recouer him that had this fit continued but a little longer Don Rodrigo might haue found them little lesse then arme in arme for Daraxa had his head leaning on her knee and one side of his body folded in her Gowne when he first began to come to himselfe Now when his Senses were come againe into their proper places and all was well thinking to haue taken his leaue of her Don Rodrigo on the nicke comes into the garden Daraxa though much troubled came off as handsomely as she could leauing through haste her curious hand-kerchiefe on the ground which was quickly taken vp by Ozmin who presently had it in his eye Now when she saw that Don Rodrigo drew nigh she went her way and left them two alone together Rodrigo when he saw the coast was cleare ask't him what he had done in the busines He told him as he had at other times that he found her so firme in her loue to her betrothed friend that she will not onely not be wonne as you pretend to be a Christian but if shee were so yet for his sake she would willingly turne Moore so extreame is her owne folly the loue of her Religion and of her husband I treated your businesse with her and to you because you attempt it and to me because I propose it she beareth vs both that hatred that she is resolued if euer I speake word thereof againe neuer any more to see me and as for you you see she no sooner saw you but she vvent her way So that I would not haue you vveary out your selfe in this suit nor spend any more time in it for I see it vvill be but in vaine and a hopelesse piece of vvorke Don Rodrigo was strucken deeply into his dumpes vvith this so resolute an answer deliuered vvith that sharpnesse vvhich made it the more sowre and vnfit for rellish From that time forward he began to suspect that Ozmin vvas rather in his preiudice then profit and did rather dis-aduantage then aduance his pretension Howsoeuer he thought at least with himselfe that though Daraxa might haply haue giuen so distastfull a reply yet it did ill become him to report it vnto him in that rough fashion as he did making himselfe as it were master and ruler of the roste but such impossible things in their incounter are Loue and discretion for euermore a man is so much the more confounded and troubled in himselfe by how much the more hee loueth and affecteth hereupon did represent it selfe vnto him that strict league of amity and friendship which Daraxa reported to haue beene betwixt him and his old Master he imagined that loue was still aliue in him and could not be perswaded that the ashes of that fire were yet growne cold With this conceit which was re-inforced by his passion he was fully bent to put him out of the house informing his father how vnfitting it was nay how dangerous to permit where Daraxa was such a one as might intertaine her in the Discourse of her former Loue still putting her in mind thereof especially it being their Maiesties intent and purpose to haue her turne Christian
too fast ty'de to get loose from them he could not so shift them of And therefore accepting their friendly offer he made choise of the former part of the night according to their owne agreement And with this plaine proceeding he prosecuted his Visit the third night though without hope of obtaining it doubting shee would not doe him that fauour in regard of that vnlucky accident that fell out the night before But for that Clorinia lou'd and that she truely lou'd nothing could detaine her from him but with a great deale of care was still inquiring whether her Gallant meant to come againe to glad her heart with his cheerefull and comfortable lookes being very inquisitiue to know what should bee the reason that caused him so to faile the last night of his promise Now whilst her Father and Mother were at supper rising from the table she went to the fore-said hole which she might safely doe for that the chimney neere where-vnto they supt stood on the one side of the Hall being a very large one and the window where the hole vvas on the other side neere adioyning to the corner in the midst whereof were certaine things placed betweene which did shadow and hinder the sight from the one side to the other Her father and her mother sate so that she might easily goe thither and speake softly without being heard of any The truth is shee watcht an occasion hauing well aduised with her selfe what might happen to make quicke dispatch and to rise from table as soone as possibly she could Who came thither so opportunely in so good a time that Dorido was there ready expecting her comming for from out the street he might heare the footing of certaine steps in the Hall which was a sure signe vnto him that those paces were troden by his Mistresse so that he made all the haste he could to get vp to see her And because this was the second time of their meeting they were a little better flesh't then they were before met not with those stoppages which heretofore had hindred their speech So that they now discoursed more boldly and more freely as farre forth as the time would giue them leaue which that night was but short and in a manner stolne and afterwards they tooke their leaues with a great deale of tendernesse on either part hauing agreed betweene themselues that as long as the Moone vvas in her wane they would inioy the fulnesse of their loues which increased now apace till some better meanes should be found for their freer accesse In this interim a yong Gentleman a very great friend of Doridos called Horatio fell in loue with Clorinia He courted her he seru'd her and obseru'd her as became a Louer notwithstanding that he knew that shee was his friends Mistresse But he knew withall that hee did not treat with intent to take her to wife but himselfe did Relying therefore vpon this their great friendship the iustnesse of his request and the honesty of his cause he intreated him of all loues that he would desist from making loue to Clorinia and giue way to him seeing their endes were so different Horatio's affectionate words and lawfull request were of that power and preuailed so much vvith Dorido that he told him that for his part he was vvell contented therewith promising him that if his Mistresse should so like of it and that she could finde in her heart to fancy and affect him hee would giue ouer his suite leauing the field open vnto him to take his pleasure without any contradiction in the world and that he should rest himselfe assured that he would no vvay stand in competition vvith him For the better effecting vvhereof he would doe two things The one to dis-deceiue Clorinia by deliuering plainely vnto her that by reason of a certaine Vow that hee had made to himselfe it was not in his power to be married vnto her which he would not breake for all the world The other the better to make her forget him he would goe about to make loue else-where Yet for that great friendship that was betwixt himselfe and Valerio he must hold him excused if he did not forbeare now and then to visit her vvhich might turne much to his good but no hurt at all being that his true intent and purpose vvas to fauour his pretension vpon all occasions that should offer themselues vnto him Herewith Horatio rested content and was wonderfull well satisfied and gaue Dorido many thankes not considering that hauing left it to Clorinias choyse and putting himselfe vpon her Election till that he knew her minde and had gained her good will he had negotiated little or nothing at all And the offer made by Dorido was vpon the confidence that he had that to speake thereof vnto Clorinia was no other then the tearing of her heart from forth her brest But Horatio carried away with vaine confidencies and various hopes intreated Dorido that he would speake a good word for him He promised he would that he might still maintaine his friendship with Horatio and not giue any note or scandall to their loue To comply therefore with his promise and to make good his owne offer when he met with his Mistresse he made a long discourse vnto her of all that had passed betweene them Telling her that if she could finde in her heart to loue Horatio and be brought to settle her affection vpon him God forbid that euer he should goe about to hinder so honourable an intent But in case she could not yet at least was she bound in thankfulnesse to accept of this his good will by not shewing her selfe coy and strange vnto him and if he past by the street where she was shee should not scornfully shut the Window against him and flie from his sight and should shew him a cheerefull looke though it were but feigned To this Clorinia answered betwixt anger and scorne telling him that hee should surcease to lay any such command vpon her and that he should speake no more thereof vnto her for if for this cause he should leaue and forsake her she would rather be content to be hated and abhorred by him then to wrong either him or her selfe by placing her loue else-where Who as hee had beene the first so he should be the last as long as she liu'd which life of hers she would presently sacrifice vnto him for to take away all occasion from him of commanding her to loue another or to forget him as for the rest he might doe as he saw cause she would not hinder him let him take what course it pleased him so as it liked him she would not stand against it Dorido tooke wonderfull contentment in hearing this answer come from her for these words of her were that true Chrisole wherein the Gold of their loues was refined and that touchstone that tryde the purenesse of their affections and gaue assurance that it was not counterfeit metall So
old dead The high wayes turned into streets and the streets altered in their bredth and building finding euery thing in good order and farre better then when I left it I lighted on a lodging that liked me exceeding well and so well that I staid full eight dayes within doores without putting so much as my foot ouer the threshold being onely tide thus fast by the legge by the good company and sweet conuersation of mine Hostesse Who besides her handsomnesse had a good fashion of behauiour and a pleasing kind of entertainment She was discreet in her cariage and at boord knew very well how to demeane her selfe Those few dayes that I staid there shee made me very good cheere and did with all possible punctuality seeke to please and obserue mee fitting my humour to a hayre While I continued there I went casting vp of my accompts plotting and deuising with my selfe what course of life I should runne how and vpon what I should liue and in conclusion Vanity weighed downe the scales And first of all I beganne my businesse with gallantry and brauery being euery day more fine then other I made me two different sutes of cloathes with long silke stockings of the best Naple silke neate ones they were and strongly sow'd to my payn'd hose And I tooke another sute out of my trunke for change thinking with my selfe that being thus well clad and getting me a good horse and taking two seruants to attend me by shewing my selfe abroad in this good equipage I might the easier vent my merchandize and meete with those that would buy these my iewels of mee I put this in execution and beganne to braue it and to spend liberally My Hostesse was not short either handed or witted but a gentle courteous dame she sought in all things to please my palate She had found out the beating of my pulse and need not to be taught how to apply her selfe to my malady It hapned that amongst many of those her she-friends that did often come and visite me one of them brought along with her in her company a yong wench well fauored well behau'd hauing a face like an Angel and though she were in extreame both faire beautifull yet was she far more wily and subtile it was a notable crafty carrion To this wench did I make loue she shewes her selfe coy and disdainfull gifts molifie rockes and breake the hardest stones in sunder The more I did regalar her and the more courtesies I bestowed vpon her the more kind she grew of a Haggard she became a gentle Hawke and though somewhat wilde and strange at first yet now was shee taught to come to fist I could play with her beake cast her and giue her stones so that now she was manag'd as I would haue her I continued this friendship with her for some few dayes in all which time as if she had beene some gutter to receiue all the raine that fals or some Chimist or Alchimist to melt a mans money and to extract quintessences there was not that day that past ouer her head wherein she did not begge or craue something of me peeling and polling me as much as possibly she could carrying her selfe therein so â—…ily so cunningly as if she had bin a woman of much riper year 's and well beaten to these kind of businesses neuer a Courtizan of them all could go beyond her But she was the better Verste I doubt not in these things in that she had so good a tutor of her Mother Once amongst the rest I remember she intreated me that I would buy her a gowne of crimson damaske which a Broaker had to sell at the Puerta del sol trimmed with gold lace and richly embroidered the price no lesse then 1000 Royals This seeming in her an excessiue kind of liberty that she had assumed to herselfe to dispose of my moneys at her pleasure for albeit I was not a little taken with her loue and though I saw her crauing nature yet I had not dealt so ill with her but that I had bestowed on her aboue 100. Crowns one way or other and that if I should suffer her still to vntap my vessell she would sackme so dry at last that she would not leaue one drop in al the hogshead I would not giue it her but grew somewhat angry with her she sets light by it was offended with my denyal took it to hart thought hardly of me and that I had vs'd her vnkindly I would take no notice of it The mother the daughter were both displeased with me I said nothing but lookt on to see what would become of this businesse They came not at me nor did I send to them They entred into counsell with mine Hostesse The Wolfe the Foxe had both laid their heads together how they might intrap the poore harmelesse Sheepe and all three did combine them-selues against me Now here see their roguery and what a villanous plot they had laid for me When I was set downe to my meat when I was iust in the midst of my dinner not dreaming of any ill that was intended towards mee I might perceiue an Alguazil de Corte make towards my lodging Who when hee came within hearing speakes out aloud Body of me Aqui morira Sanson y quaâ—…tos con el son Here shall Samson die the death and as many as be here with him My end said I to my selfe is now at hand I thrust the table from mee and rose vp much troubled Then said the Alguazil vnto me Pacifie your selfe Sir and rest you quiet we come not to apprehend you for a thiefe It cannot bee for any other thing thought I with my selfe for he had nam'd the word thiefe before and I did verily beleeue that he spake in a frumping and scoffing kind of manner and that for this cause he was come thither to arrest me That word strucke my heart so dead that I was not able to speake a ready word much lesse to saue my selfe by flight but stood as still as a stocke The Catch-poles had made good the doore the window was of the least too high from the street from whence I could not get downe so easily but that they would take hold on me ere I came to the ground or if I escapt their hands it was a thousand pound to a penny I should breake my necke in the fall At the last for all my spirits were thus troubled within me I did as well as I could aske him what was his will with me He hauing much adoe to forbeare laughing and hauing no share of the care that I was in putting his hand into his bosome pul'd out a Warrant by vertue whereof the Alcaldes had commanded him to apprehend me vpon the breach of that law of theirs de viciatione virginum of cracking of maiden-heads and the deflowring of a
and his linnen cleanely and handsomly washt with sope and in a word shee maintaynd him well out of our meanes for it was our and not her purse that paid for it In conclusion such kinde of women as these are preiudiciall vntamable notable lurchers arrant theeues farre worse then that souldiers boy who playd the wagg-pasty with his Masters pastie and of eight Marauedis made twelue For hee opened the lid of the pastie that it was not to be perceiued and supt vp all the sirrop and sweetnesse that was in it Afterwards his Master sending him for wine he kept the eight Marauedis that were giuen him to him-selfe and sold the Iarre for foure presently comming crying home vnto him and telling him that the Iarre brake by the way and all the wine was spilt There neuer came a quarter of mutton into the house but that by little and little we lost a fifth part of it and with it the kidney saying That for the deuotion which shee bare to the blessed Saint Zoilo shee would not boyle that part so that the kidneyes neuer came to our share they fell to her sweet-hearts lot But he was not so deuoted vnto her as to offer her all that he had There was not any thing that we had whereof he had not a part nay sometimes all saying I put it here it stood there but now the Cat hath eaten it some body or other hath taken it away and a thousand such excuses to serue her turne stealing and filching from vs at her pleasure But will you peraduenture seeke to restraine these theeues to limit them to keep them within their bounds or to hinder them in any thing contrary to their liking It is impossible to doe it Speake but a word vnto them that doth not please them there is not a house in all that street not a shop a tauerne nor an ouen where shee will not make a large relation of your life reckning vp all the miracles done by you painting you out to be a wretched and vnfortunate man base-minded a crib a hunger-staru'd whore-sonne a miserable wretch of an ill condition a grumble-seede one that is still murmuring that a Hen cannot lay an egge but you must be prying into her nest that you must haue an eye to the skimming of the pot that you will tye your bacon to a string and put it into the kettle amongst other meat a fourth part whereof shall serue you a whole weeke taking it out one day and putting it in another making thy meale of one poore morsell to make it hold out the longer Will you turne her out of doores and take another you shall not finde any that will come at you and so you must be forced to serue your selfe for shee that is gone from you will tell her that is to come vnto you what a manner of man you are what an ill life shee led with you and for what cause shee quit her-selfe of your seruice In a word hee that will be serued by them must winke at all their faults must make no replyes and besides must let them doe what they lift let them haue their owne will and yet that will scarce content them I remember that before I was marryed I receiued a maid-seruant into my house and for that shee was a beastly filthy slut an idle drone and altogether vnfit for seruice I turn'd her away after shee had beene some three dayes with me Then I tooke another who seemed to be in good health when shee came vnto me but falling sicke of her old disease shee onely continued with mee two dayes and went backe againe to the Hospitall from whence shee came Presently after I had a third a neat seruant but a great theefe for willing her to roste me a Conie shee cuts it in peeces and stues it and brought onely to the table the head the leggs and the wings disposing of the rest as shee thought good for which roguery of hers shee stayd with mee onely that day and the next morning I put her away When my neighbours saw that I had three seruants in six dayes and that euery one of them went away mumbling their mattens and murmuring at mee a bad report went of mee they laid a hundred faults to my charge and did discredit my sernice in that shamefull and vile manner that for some twenty dayes after I was faine to take my dyet in a common victualing â—…ose For no woman would be drawne to my house by reason of the euill speech that was giuen of mee till such time as a friend of mine brought mee one that was worse then all the rest for shee would be in loue with euery body and denie none that would aske her the question Not any Stallion that came amisse to her Shee was a wheele that was easily to be turned with euery hand I would presently haue put her away but I durst not for feare of being ill spoken of by my neighbours And I tell you the truth For this cause I held it the lesser inconuenience of the two to leaue my house and to hyre me another in some other street that was farther off keeping her till then with mee before I would dismisse her And so I did If you were at home shee would be abroad if you were abroad shee would be at home If â—…ee haue nothing to doe shee will call to you for flaxe and if you giue it her shee will say you are miserable and too great a husband And neither of these are without their mysterie But this I leaue to your coniecture And how can you imagine them to be otherwise then ill disposed in their persons when as there is not any Gouernesse especially amongst these your Schollers which is not branded with the like basenesse These kinde of creatures would not conuerse with all nor yet filch from all they would haue little or nothing to doe with your young idle fellowes that lye loytring in the market-place nor with your Lackayes nor steale from some though they found it lying before them vpon the ground I did not make any reckoning of it nor did it trouble me so much to see that they rob'd me of my goods or that they were neuer without one sweet-heart or other that still haunted their companie though I was not willing to giue way to any such things in my house as that they went about to rob me of my iudgement and my vnderstanding and to depriue me of my senses for with lyes and teares they would seeke to grace and countenance their villanies so that though the truth thereof appeared vnto me as cleare as noone day and that with these eyes I plainely perceiued their rogueries their knaueries and all their wicked shifts and deuices yet they would force mee whether I would or no and contrary to mine owne knowledge to hold their conuersation and their cariage to be good and honest A man must suffer much at their hands euen at all
the keeping and disposing of the vpper-Wards and the best lodgings they giue him that intertainment as his purse shall deserue For that Keeper or Iaylor does like him that buyes who has no respect to the qualitie of him that sels but to the thing that he selleth so to him it matters not whether the prisoner be more one then another Noble or base Gentleman or Clowne all is one for that He lookes onely vnto that which he giues him When his Commitment is not a matter of importance nor meriting corporall punishment and is not of that heinous nature as murder theft the foule sinne and other such like they leaue him at large to take the pleasure of the prison alwayes prouided that they pay him well for this his liberty I was well vs'd at the first for my cause was not criminall and handsomely lodg'd before that I had giuen securitie either to satisfie or answer to that debt wherewithall I was charged By this time they all knew me and all of vs vnderstood one another well inough we were all Camerades and hayle fellow well met one with another I gaue them content and stayd below amongst them talking and passing away the time with them but had euermore an eye to see if I could safely get to the doore and stood still watching an opportunitie when I might conueniently doe it and so giue them the slip But vpon my first apprehending as soone as I was come within sight of the prison as also after that I was committed there presently flockt about mee twenty seuerall Proctors Attourneys and Sollicitours who liu'd by the sinnes of the people who with their pen and Paper which they neuer went without tooke both my name and the cause of my imprisonment all of them making it a matter of nothing and an easie suite to goe through with One of them would tell me that the Iudge was his very good friend and did fauour all the causes that he brought before him another that hee had a great interest in the publike Notary a third that within two houres he would get me bailed a fourth that my businesse was a toy a meere trifle a thing of no consideration in the world and that for sixe Royals hee would instantly vndertake to free mee Euery one of them would make himselfe Master of my cause saying that it did properly belong vnto him for that he had accompanied me come along with me from the time of my Arrest This man I intertained for his plea of preuention being vnwilling to crosse that Prouerbe of First come first seru'd Where-vpon I intreated him that hee would call such an Escriuano a friend of mine vnto me Another for that he was the first that put pen to paper and had drawne my Petition for mee to the Teniente But to my selfe I laught at them all For I knew them well inough and the manner of their proceeding For they onely liue by what they can get and wring from a man before-hand but afterwards you shall not draw them along with two yoke of Oxen they will so hang the Arse And there was one of them that hauing a Power or Warrant to free a Thiefe was not ashamed to aske him money for to make his Interrogatories after that he should be condemned to the Gallies Thus all of them striuing which of them should be imploy'd in my businesse there comes mee rushing in violently thorow the midst of them a very bold and confident fellow that thought to rule the rost and to carry all away before him one that had beene my Proctor heretofore in criminall causes and said vnto mee What Sir are you heere I told him yes Which question he might haue sau'd for he saw I was sure inough Then he askt me What was the cause of my imprisonment When I had told it him hee replyde Tush Laugh and be merry Sir take no care for this it is a toy a trifle I warrant you Sir wee will take order for this and therefore let it neuer trouble you Haue you any money Sir that I may carry it to the Escriuano I will poast presently with a Petition to the Teniente that you may put in Sureties to answere the matter and in the meane time to haue your libertie to follow your businesse And if he shall refuse to grant you prouision in this Case we will haue a Writ of remoue to bring the matter into the open Hall and those that assist there in Counsell shall presently giue order for your release I shall speake to one of them who is my singular good Lord and I dare pawne my word to you that you shall not tarry heere aboue halfe a day When the others heard this they said Ha how now what 's this is the winde in that doore Heere is a pretty kinde of forme of framing a Petition withall my heart Is this the course you meane to take Wee haue beene some twenty of vs and vpward these two long houres and better taking paines in this businesse and will you now take the same out of our hands Shall the hindermost dogge beare away the Hare Must he now follow the suite My Proctor there-vpon made them this answere My Masters had you beene writing and labouring about this businesse these two moneths and more yet not withstanding vpon my comming vnto him I am the man that must goe thorow with it For this Gentleman is my very good friend and I am to dispatch all his businesses And therefore a Gods name ye may be gone and let my Clyent alone When they heard him say so they replyde vnto him O what a sweet and seemely manner of negociating is this What a faire flourish does hee make Where has he washt his hands that hee should shaue vs on this fashion and carry away this cause so cleanely You may be gone Sir and it please you for this Gentleman knowes reason and will intertaine him in his cause that he hath most minde to and therefore what need so many words In conclusion one said I and the other said no and in the end they differr'd so long about it that they grew at last so hot and so angry one with another that they began to rip vp each others faults and to tell without any other bodies help who they were there was not that spot in their practice which they did not lay open to view nor that staine in their life which they did not discouer shewing how and in what manner they did coozen the poore prisoners and picke their money out of their purses Which was a Dialogue for those that heard it of excellent intertainment and passing good mirth for that they were truthes represented to the life And this I assure you is a common Trade amongst them and this coozening course they take at all houres and with all persons as well prisoners as others Now when this heat was ouer-past and all was quiet I came to my old Proctor