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that_o act_n afterward_o that_o the_o party_n so_o sue_v shall_v plead_v the_o general_n issue_n and_o shall_v recover_v ten_o pound_n a_o man_n of_o those_o his_o adversary_n 19_o this_o act_n be_v give_v into_o my_o counsel_n hand_n to_o plead_v and_o that_o book_n that_o state_v the_o indictment_n out_o of_o be_v give_v into_o his_o hand_n which_o book_n be_v pardon_v by_o that_o act_n be_v print_v 13_o year_n ago_o all_o be_v pardon_v till_o within_o three_o year_n 20._o also_o their_o counsel_n i_o know_v not_o his_o name_n have_v one_o of_o the_o boâ—oks_n with_o the_o whole_a volumn_n bind_v and_o clasp_v which_o they_o steal_v from_o i_o in_o his_o hand_n i_o see_v the_o chief_a judge_n be_v bend_v upon_o mischief_n against_o i_o 21._o therefore_o i_o be_v resolve_v to_o follow_v the_o practice_n of_o christ_n when_o examine_v by_o the_o high_a priest_n ruler_n and_o counsel_n give_v they_o no_o answer_n neither_o before_o pilate_n for_o he_o know_v they_o watch_v to_o catch_v word_n out_o of_o his_o mouth_n that_o they_o may_v have_v some_o what_o to_o accuse_v he_o of_o to_o make_v his_o cause_n worse_o than_o what_o his_o enemy_n do_v accuse_v he_o with_o as_o may_v be_v read_v luke_n 22.70_o where_o christ_n hold_v his_o peace_n and_o answer_v nothing_o 22._o then_o say_v they_o all_o be_v thou_o the_o son_n of_o god_n and_o he_o say_v unto_o they_o yea_o say_v that_o i_o be_o and_o to_o this_o they_o say_v what_o need_v we_o any_o further_a witness_n for_o we_o ourselves_o have_v hear_v out_o of_o his_o own_o mouth_n so_o mark_v 14._o and_o in_o verse_n 62_o jesus_n answer_v and_o say_v to_o his_o question_n i_o be_o the_o son_n of_o god_n
never_o have_v commit_v any_o sin_n that_o i_o know_v of_o that_o do_v trouble_v my_o conscience_n 22._o yet_o the_o fear_n of_o hell_n produce_v many_o deep_a sigh_n and_o groan_n even_o from_o the_o bottom_n of_o my_o heart_n for_o fear_n god_n have_v make_v i_o a_o reprobate_n before_o i_o be_v bear_v because_o he_o do_v not_o answer_v my_o prayer_n nor_o speak_v peace_n to_o my_o soul_n notwithstanding_o my_o earnest_a desire_n and_o zeal_n for_o he_o i_o know_v not_o at_o that_o time_n 23._o yet_o many_o time_n i_o have_v great_a refreshment_n of_o soul_n and_o as_o i_o think_v communion_n with_o god_n whereby_o my_o hope_n be_v increase_v for_o a_o season_n but_o it_o be_v quick_o lose_v again_o so_o that_o the_o trouble_n of_o my_o mind_n do_v continue_v still_o many_o year_n 24._o yet_o at_o some_o time_n i_o have_v elevasion_n in_o my_o mind_n and_o rapture_n of_o joy_n that_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v never_o be_v move_v again_o 25._o but_o a_o while_n after_o all_o be_v lose_v again_o and_o doubt_v take_v place_n in_o my_o soul_n but_o since_o i_o see_v the_o cause_n of_o those_o rapture_n and_o fear_n of_o hell_n be_v both_o groundless_a chap._n vi_o after_o the_o prophet_n have_v give_v a_o description_n of_o his_o marriage_n of_o his_o wife_n and_o of_o his_o child_n from_o the_o twenty_o six_o year_n of_o his_o life_n to_o the_o thirty_o eighth_n he_o than_o show_v the_o alteration_n of_o the_o religion_n in_o the_o puritan_n people_n and_o of_o the_o confusion_n that_o be_v among_o they_o 1._o after_o this_o it_o come_v to_o pass_v in_o the_o twenty_o six_o year_n of_o my_o life_n i_o take_v a_o wife_n that_o be_v of_o my_o own_o mind_n and_o religion_n she_o be_v a_o virgin_n of_o about_o 19_o year_n of_o age_n and_o i_o have_v by_o she_o three_o daughter_n in_o three_o year_n and_o a_o half_a be_v time_n 2._o the_o first_o daughter_n i_o have_v by_o she_o be_v name_v sarah_n after_o her_o mother_n name_n she_o be_v yet_o alive_a and_o be_v become_v the_o most_o experimental_a and_o knowing'st_a woman_n in_o spiritual_a thing_n of_o that_o sex_n in_o london_n but_o i_o shall_v say_v no_o more_o of_o she_o here_o because_o i_o shall_v have_v occasion_n to_o speak_v of_o she_o hereafter_o 3._o also_o my_o young_a daughter_n elizabeth_n which_o i_o have_v by_o my_o wife_n sarah_n be_v now_o live_v but_o the_o second_o daughter_n die_v when_o three_o year_n and_o a_o half_a be_v expire_v my_o wife_n sarah_n die_v also_o 4._o after_o this_o my_o child_n be_v young_a i_o put_v they_o forth_o to_o nurse_n in_o the_o country_n and_o live_v a_o single_a life_n and_o follow_v my_o trade_n and_o live_v very_o well_o 5._o only_o the_o spirit_n of_o fear_n of_o hell_n be_v still_o upon_o i_o but_o not_o so_o extreme_a as_o it_o be_v the_o year_n before_o 6._o after_o this_o in_o the_o thirty_o second_o year_n of_o my_o life_n i_o take_v another_o virgin_n to_o wife_n her_o name_n be_v mary_n she_o be_v about_o nineteen_o year_n old_a and_o i_o have_v by_o she_o three_o child_n two_o son_n and_o one_o daughter_n the_o elder_a die_v at_o three_o year_n old_a and_o the_o young_a be_v a_o daughter_n and_o she_o die_v three_o day_n after_o she_o be_v bear_v and_o my_o wife_n mary_n die_v five_o day_n after_o 7._o i_o have_v only_o one_o son_n live_v by_o she_o and_o i_o have_v she_o to_o wife_n a_o matter_n of_o six_o year_n and_o that_o son_n live_v until_o john_n reeve_n and_o i_o be_v choose_v of_o god_n and_o about_o a_o year_n and_o a_o half_a afterward_o be_v about_o nine_o year_n old_a he_o die_v so_o all_o the_o child_n of_o my_o second_o wife_n die_v 8._o after_o my_o wife_n mary_n die_v i_o be_v then_o about_o thirty_o eight_o year_n old_a but_o at_o the_o time_n when_o i_o be_v marry_v to_o my_o wife_n mary_n about_o six_o year_n before_o there_o be_v raise_v of_o arm_n by_o the_o parliament_n against_o the_o king_n 9_o and_o general_o the_o puritan_n be_v all_o for_o the_o parliament_n and_o most_o of_o my_o society_n and_o acquaitance_n in_o religion_n do_v fall_v away_o from_o that_o way_n we_o do_v use_v and_o decline_v in_o love_n one_o towards_o another_o and_o every_o one_o get_v a_o new_a judgement_n and_o new_a acquaitance_n and_o new_a discipline_n 10._o some_o of_o they_o turn_v to_o presbytery_n and_o will_v have_v elder_n and_o some_o turn_v independent_n and_o will_v not_o let_v none_o work_v to_o they_o but_o their_o own_o people_n that_o be_v in_o church_n fellowship_n other_o fall_v to_o be_v ranter_n and_o some_o fall_v to_o be_v mere_a atheist_n 11._o so_o that_o our_o puritan_n people_n be_v so_o divide_v and_o scatter_v in_o our_o religion_n that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o to_o take_v too_o or_o which_o to_o cleave_v unto_o for_o i_o be_v altogether_o at_o a_o loss_n for_o all_o the_o zeal_n we_o former_o have_v be_v quite_o wear_v out_o 12._o and_o to_o join_v with_o any_o of_o these_o new_a discipline_n i_o can_v not_o except_o i_o will_v play_v the_o hypocrite_n for_o a_o livelihood_n which_o my_o heart_n always_o hate_v notwithstanding_o my_o kindred_n by_o my_o first_o wife_n sarah_n where_o all_o puritan_n and_o zealous_n in_o religion_n 13._o and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a stroke_n of_o work_n of_o they_o and_o they_o be_v a_o great_a generation_n of_o they_o and_o most_o of_o they_o pretty_a rich_a in_o this_o world_n and_o most_o of_o they_o go_v into_o church_n fellowship_n so_o that_o i_o lose_v several_a of_o they_o because_o i_o can_v not_o join_v in_o church_n fellowship_n 14._o for_o think_v i_o there_o be_v no_o more_o satisfaction_n to_o be_v find_v in_o church_n fellowship_n than_o before_o for_o none_o can_v serve_v god_n and_o be_v more_o zealous_a for_o god_n and_o for_o righteousness_n than_o we_o be_v before_o 15._o so_o that_o go_v into_o church_n fellowship_n will_v not_o satisfy_v my_o soul_n as_o to_o my_o salvation_n no_o more_o than_o before_o 16._o for_o satisfaction_n of_o mind_n as_o to_o another_o life_n be_v always_o my_o aim_n and_o end_v that_o i_o strive_v after_o but_o can_v not_o attain_v to_o it_o as_o yet_o 17._o so_o i_o be_v at_o a_o great_a loss_n in_o my_o mind_n what_o to_o do_v i_o have_v lose_v my_o friend_n and_o relation_n because_o i_o can_v not_o follow_v they_o in_o church_n fellowship_n and_o i_o have_v no_o freedom_n in_o myself_o so_o to_o do_v 18._o for_o i_o have_v see_v the_o utmost_a perfection_n and_o satisfaction_n that_o can_v be_v find_v in_o that_o way_n except_o i_o will_v do_v it_o for_o loaf_n but_o loaf_n be_v never_o my_o aim_n but_o a_o real_a rest_n in_o my_o mind_n i_o always_o seek_v after_o but_o can_v find_v it_o no_o where_o chap._n vii_o the_o prophet_n show_v his_o great_a dissatisfaction_n and_o loss_n in_o religion_n even_o almost_o to_o dispair_n yet_o in_o the_o conclusion_n resolve_v to_o hold_v his_o integrity_n to_o do_v just_o and_o keep_v from_o actual_a sin_n but_o mind_n religion_n no_o more_o but_o leave_v happiness_n and_o misery_n to_o god_n disposal_n 1._o so_o i_o see_v these_o puritan_n of_o my_o acquaintance_n they_o have_v no_o comfort_n nor_o peace_n of_o mind_n as_o to_o a_o life_n to_o come_v that_o be_v in_o church_n fellowship_n than_o before_o nor_o so_o much_o 2._o then_o i_o see_v several_a of_o they_o that_o be_v zealous_a before_o towards_o god_n and_o righteousness_n towards_o man_n and_o now_o they_o have_v leave_v that_o zeal_n and_o turn_v ranter_n not_o only_o in_o judgement_n but_o in_o practice_n to_o the_o destruction_n both_o of_o soul_n and_o body_n 3._o when_o i_o see_v this_o that_o neither_o the_o righteous_a can_v find_v peace_n in_o the_o day_n of_o their_o righteousness_n but_o be_v afraid_a of_o hell_n nor_o those_o that_o turn_v from_o their_o righteousness_n to_o actual_a wickedness_n i_o think_v i_o must_v needs_o go_v to_o hell_n 4._o yet_o they_o say_v all_o be_v well_o and_o quiet_a with_o they_o so_o that_o i_o be_v as_o david_n be_v almost_o like_a to_o have_v sleep_v and_o to_o have_v say_v in_o my_o heart_n sure_a there_o be_v no_o god_n but_o all_o thing_n come_v by_o nature_n because_o the_o righteous_a can_v find_v no_o peace_n in_o their_o righteousness_n as_o i_o can_v not_o nor_o the_o wicked_a be_v not_o trouble_v for_o their_o sin_n 5._o but_o when_o i_o go_v into_o the_o sanctuary_n of_o my_o mind_n i_o consider_v the_o visible_a thing_n of_o nature_n i_o can_v not_o conceive_v how_o this_o vast_a element_n we_o see_v can_v make_v itself_o or_o how_o the_o sun_n moon_n and_o star_n can_v give_v be_v to_o themselves_o 6._o how_o can_v the_o beast_n of_o the_o field_n the_o foul_n
etc._n etc._n 23._o then_o the_o high_a priest_n rend_v their_o clothes_n and_o they_o all_o condemn_v he_o to_o be_v guilty_a of_o death_n so_o likewise_o i_o do_v perceive_v that_o if_o i_o have_v plead_v myself_o i_o shall_v have_v justify_v my_o commission_n from_o god_n and_o that_o he_o give_v john_n reeve_n and_o myself_o that_o power_n and_o authority_n to_o give_v sentence_n of_o damnation_n to_o all_o that_o blaspheme_n against_o the_o holy_a ghost_n as_o they_o do_v as_o be_v write_v in_o that_o book_n 24._o these_o word_n will_v have_v enrage_v the_o judge_n and_o jury_n and_o the_o people_n more_o than_o that_o book_n so_o that_o they_o will_v have_v say_v by_o i_o as_o the_o priest_n scribes_z and_o pharisy_n say_v by_o christ_n as_o aforesaid_a the_o angrey_n and_o malicious_a judge_n and_o envious_a jury_n and_o ignorant_a officer_n and_o people_n in_o the_o court_n will_v have_v rend_v their_o heart_n with_o madness_n against_o i_o and_o say_v what_o need_v we_o to_o mind_v this_o book_n or_o indictment_n or_o witness_v against_o he_o for_o you_o hear_v his_o horrible_a blaphemy_n out_o of_o his_o own_o mouth_n therefore_o what_o think_v you_o so_o that_o they_o all_o will_v have_v condemn_v i_o to_o great_a torment_n than_o they_o do_v 25._o consider_v this_o i_o hold_v my_o peace_n and_o speak_v not_o one_o word_n which_o prevent_v the_o expectation_n of_o thousand_o which_o think_v to_o have_v have_v a_o large_a relation_n of_o the_o matter_n 26._o so_o that_o i_o leave_v the_o book_n that_o be_v pardon_v &_o act_n and_o indictment_n and_o witnessess_v for_o they_o to_o judge_n and_o condemn_v i_o by_o so_o they_o have_v no_o far_a matter_n from_o i_o at_o all_o which_o do_v frusterate_v their_o expectation_n and_o moderate_a their_o punishment_n as_o the_o reader_n may_v perceive_v by_o what_o do_v follow_v chap._n iii_o the_o counsel_n against_o the_o prophet_n plead_v with_o fear_n and_o horror_n the_o prophet_n counsel_n plead_v and_o through_o fear_n do_v wrong_v his_o cause_n 1._o upon_o the_o 17_o of_o january_n 1676_o after_o the_o indictment_n be_v read_v my_o counsel_n plead_v to_o it_o prove_v that_o this_o book_n the_o indictment_n be_v ground_n upon_o it_o be_v pardon_v by_o the_o king_n gracious_a act_n be_v print_v 13_o year_n ago_o neither_o be_v this_o book_n publish_v nor_o sell_v in_o any_o shop_n or_o to_o any_o person_n in_o public_a as_o can_v be_v prove_v but_o be_v lock_v up_o in_o chest_n etc._n etc._n this_o with_o many_o other_o word_n according_a to_o the_o law_n of_o england_n this_o my_o counsel_n plead_v and_o my_o counsel_n sit_v under_o judge_n atkins_n 2._o and_o their_o counsel_n sit_v under_o judge_n rainsford_n and_o he_o do_v hold_v up_o the_o book_n in_o open_a court_n which_o book_n be_v the_o whole_a volumn_n bind_v and_o clasp_v he_o hold_v one_o of_o the_o clasp_n between_o his_o finger_n and_o his_o thumb_n up_o in_o the_o open_a court_n in_o oppossition_n to_o my_o counsel_n 3._o and_o he_o express_v these_o word_n and_o say_v with_o a_o loud_a voice_n that_o he_o do_v read_v one_o leaf_n of_o this_o book_n and_o turn_v over_o another_o but_o say_v he_o it_o be_v so_o full_a of_o horrible_a blasphemy_n that_o he_o dare_v not_o read_v any_o further_a for_o the_o blasphemy_n be_v so_o great_a that_o it_o make_v his_o hair_n stand_v a_o end_n and_o his_o heart_n to_o tremble_v with_o other_o expression_n of_o dread_a and_o fear_n 4._o as_o if_o the_o very_a read_n of_o it_o will_v have_v cause_v god_n to_o have_v part_v the_o heaven_n asunder_o and_o have_v rain_v down_o vengeance_n upon_o he_o for_o read_v it_o if_o he_o have_v read_v any_o further_o for_o say_v he_o it_o be_v impossible_a for_o any_o man_n to_o write_v such_o a_o horrible_a blasphemous_a book_n in_o assume_v the_o place_n of_o god_n upon_o he_o except_o he_o go_v to_o the_o bottom_n of_o hell_n for_o say_v he_o it_o be_v so_o cunning_o contrive_v that_o it_o confound_v all_o the_o reason_n in_o man_n with_o many_o other_o hedious_a expression_n which_o i_o can_v remember_v 5._o he_o speak_v truth_n but_o know_v it_o not_o for_o the_o spirit_n of_o revelation_n do_v descend_v to_o the_o bottom_n of_o hell_n else_o we_o can_v not_o tell_v other_o where_o it_o be_v and_o prevent_v other_o from_o fall_v into_o it_o and_o as_o christ_n himself_o descend_v into_o hell_n and_o quicken_v again_o out_o of_o it_o so_o have_v the_o spirit_n of_o revelation_n in_o i_o descend_v into_o the_o bottom_n of_o hell_n a_o thousand_o time_n and_o have_v quicken_v out_o of_o it_o again_o and_o have_v forewarn_v many_o from_o go_v into_o that_o place_n but_o i_o know_v this_o counseler_n shall_v go_v into_o hell_n that_o have_v no_o bottom_n call_v a_o bottomless_a pitt_n and_o he_o shall_v never_o come_v from_o thence_o to_o eternity_n 6._o likewise_o indeed_o the_o revelation_n of_o faith_n in_o i_o have_v confound_v all_o the_o reason_n in_o man_n as_o to_o spiritual_a and_o heavenly_a matter_n 7._o after_o this_o my_o counsel_n plead_v again_o to_o the_o same_o purpose_n as_o he_o do_v before_o but_o he_o through_o extreme_a fearfulness_n do_v wrong_v my_o cause_n in_o two_o thing_n first_o in_o that_o he_o make_v no_o mention_n of_o the_o warden_n break_v open_a four_o door_n contrary_a to_o the_o law_n of_o england_n which_o be_v by_o the_o law_n absolute_a burglary_n and_o the_o take_v away_o the_o book_n be_v absolute_a felony_n 8._o this_o be_v in_o the_o forefront_n of_o his_o breviat_fw-la and_o i_o have_v repose_v the_o business_n to_o he_o because_o i_o will_v not_o plead_v myself_o but_o he_o like_o a_o deceitful_a knave_n and_o fearful_a fool_n do_v not_o speak_v one_o word_n of_o it_o before_o the_o court_n which_o if_o he_o have_v it_o will_v have_v put_v these_o envious_a judge_n and_o jury_n to_o a_o nonplush_n how_o they_o can_v have_v bring_v i_o in_o guilty_a so_o he_o spoil_v my_o cause_n 9_o for_o after_o he_o have_v plead_v the_o king_n act_n of_o grace_n as_o aforesaid_a he_o say_v these_o word_n that_o he_o have_v plead_v so_o far_o as_o the_o law_n will_v bear_v he_o out_o but_o as_o for_o the_o word_n and_o cause_n of_o indictment_n he_o be_v ashamed_a of_o it_o 10._o upon_o these_o word_n do_v judge_n rainsford_n say_v unto_o the_o jury_n you_o see_v that_o his_o own_o counsel_n be_v ashamed_a of_o his_o cause_n 11._o here_o the_o reader_n may_v see_v those_o word_n verify_v as_o i_o have_v read_v for_o my_o counsel_n do_v do_v at_o my_o trial_n those_o thing_n which_o he_o ought_v not_o to_o have_v do_v and_o he_o leave_v undo_v those_o thing_n which_o he_o ought_v to_o have_v do_v for_o he_o ought_v to_o have_v plead_v the_o break_v open_a of_o so_o many_o door_n but_o he_o leave_v that_o undo_v and_o to_o say_v he_o be_v ashamed_a of_o my_o cause_n he_o ought_v to_o have_v leave_v those_o speech_n undo_v and_o not_o to_o have_v speak_v they_o be_v not_o force_v by_o the_o court._n 12._o and_o for_o a_o man_n to_o take_v forty_o shilling_n to_o plead_v a_o man_n cause_n and_o to_o say_v he_o be_v ashamed_a of_o his_o client_n cause_n what_o man_n that_o have_v but_o moral_a reason_n and_o sense_n in_o he_o but_o will_v say_v such_o a_o counseler_n have_v no_o truth_n in_o he_o 13._o but_o judge_n atkins_n sit_v over_o my_o counsel_n may_v see_v the_o breviat_fw-la in_o my_o counsel_n hand_n which_o cause_v he_o to_o ask_v one_o of_o the_o witnessess_v his_o name_n be_v garat_n how_o do_v he_o come_v by_o those_o book_n he_o answer_v that_o he_o do_v seize_v they_o as_o they_o use_v to_o do_v the_o judge_n ask_v how_o many_o there_o be_v of_o they_o he_o say_v a_o porter_n load_n the_o judge_n ask_v he_o where_o the_o book_n be_v he_o answer_v at_o the_o bishop_n of_o london_n house_n 14._o the_o judge_n ask_v he_o again_o if_o they_o be_v all_o of_o a_o sort_n or_o all_o of_o a_o bigness_n he_o answer_v no_o some_o be_v great_a one_o and_o some_o lesser_a some_o three_o or_o four_o bind_v 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