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A37026 The virtuous wife, or, Good luck at last a comedy, as it is acted at the Dukes Theater by His Royal Highness his servants / written by Thomas Durfey, Gent. D'Urfey, Thomas, 1653-1723. 1680 (1680) Wing D2790; ESTC R17715 60,662 76

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Advantage you have of me by my short Sword and therefore doubtless speak this but I conjure ye if ye are a Gentleman or a Man of honor and courage defer the matter and let a Duel decide it too morrow morning Beverly No Sir delay is ever a friend to Cowardize and therefore I 'le not oblige ye with it but to let ye see I am a man of honor and courage there 's my Sword for ye now give me yours and let us fight come come you trifle Sir your Sword your Sword Olivia Hold Sir and now stand a little further dam me stand off I say Sir the Antients did allow pollicy sometimes to be preferr'd before valour now I think in pollicy 't is fit I injoy this Lady before I fight for her or else being kill'd where 's my reward Therefore have a little patience Sir too morrow you shall find me ready in this Plain Field near the Bowling-Green till when I give you leave to live and meditate but this Lady must along with me Bever Oh infamous Cowardise 'Sdeath Sir you will not serve me so Olivia Even so by this good hil● Sir Nay keep your distance too or I shall give you such a mark Sir shall make you wish you had stood farther off Sir now does my fingers itch to swing him a little I 'me sure I shall never have such another opportunity Bever Hell and Confusion was ever man thus us'd Sir for shame for shame be more a Gentleman and consider your reputation Olivia Come not nearer Sir Sa sa sa by Heaven I shall tickle ye if ye do Wh●adle Ha ha I swear this is very pretty Bever Is there no remedy How now Who comes here Beauford 'Sdeath this is worst of all Enter Beauford Beauf. Oh Plague of Intriguing I say my Bones are certainly all broke methinks I can hear 'um rattle as I go along how now Who 's this Olivia Beauford as I live that has had no opportunity of going home since his Disgrace but has made shift with a strange habit I 'le go and discover my self to him 't will be some part of amends for his late misfortune Goes and Whispers him Beauf. And Is that your Husband d●ee say Oh how I long to be at him Lend me your Sword Madam I 'le revenge my self immediately Olivia No I 'le have no fighting I have given the poor Fellow his life therefore must protect him but Sir Is there no way to revenge your self but by the Sword methinks there should here 's his Mistriss who● I have also conquer'd sure methinks there should be a better way Sir then fighting Beauf. Madam I humbly thank you for refreshing my memory for I vow to gad I had clearly forgot the other way hah his Wife and Mistriss both in my power faith here 's occasion for revenge enough that 's the truth on 't Sir you have the good fortune to scape me now and I think have some reason to be glad on 't I had seconded your Blanket entertainment else I assure ye but there 's other matters in hand now this Gentleman this Lady and I have some private business together Sir and so farewell t'●e Olivia Ha ha ha how he looks this happens as I could wish and now dear Wit I thank thee Exeunt Bever Shame and Anger ties my tongue up but I 'le not sleep till I am reveng'd though the performance hazard my life and fortunes Exit Enter Lady Beardly and Tisick sitting smoaking Tisick And is too morrow the day good Madam L. Beardly Alass I am afraid so Sir Lubberly has no patience I know he will never leave tempting me till the business is done and I swear I tremble as much as I did at Fifteen when I was first Married I vow I do Tisick Truly I think your Ladiship perhaps has some Cause for in my opinion the Gentleman is too young for ye L. Beard Too young for me in troth no not an hour too young marry would he were younger I could bear with him I warrant ye there are two things alwayes further these Marriages Youth and Money for if they were not young we would not Marry them and under the Rose Tisick an we were not Wealthy I 'me sure they would not Marry us how now Whos 's there Enter Boy Boy Madam Sir Lubberly is come to wait on ye L. Beard Od's my life here had like to have been a surprize breaks the Pipe Tisick some Musk quickly to sweeten my breath and reach me hither my Box of Writings So so I Vow I was terribly afraid he should have found me smoaking Tobacco hum 500 l. due on this Bond at Michaelmas Enter Sir Lubberly Singing For he that a Bonny Brisk Widow will Wed Must Ransack her Coffers and creep to her Bed How does my dear Lady and Wife that must be what perusing well I have been with Sir Timothy Ticklecause and the Settlements are almost drawn the happy hour is approaching 't is coming Rogue 't is coming L. Beard Your Servant dear Sir Lubberly I protest ye make me blush Sir Lub Those blushes influence the heavens and give a radiant tincture to the Morning Madam you are the very Cinthia of perfection L. Beard And you the Phebus of Wit and ●allantry Sir Lub Madam your Person is Natures Essence Bottle and your mind the Mirror of Virtue and Discretion but now we are talking of Essences hugh methinks here is a scurvy smell of Tobaccoe L. Beard Oh faugh do not speak of it Sir Get ye gone baggage aside Oh if I smell Tobaccoe I swound immediately Exit Tisick hugh Sure you mistake Sir Lubberly I smell none Sir Lubber Hah gad I 'me sure I think I smell it but no matter now to our business Shall too morrow be the day Shall I be happy L. Beard Alass Sir I must needs show the Widows failing I have not power to deny ye any longer Sir Lubber Hast not and Shall I possess all and above all thy excellent Person without controul at Board Bed and so forth ha L. Beard Ay what you please Sir alass I 'me a poor weak Creature but I know you 'le be as kind as you can Sir Sir Lubber Kind the Fat Frier to the Black-brow'd Nun shall not be kinder we 'le never quarrel nor throw Tongs and Candlesticks at one another as the Custome is but live and Coo together like two Turtles L. Beard So we will in troth and for my part I 'le never scold Sir Lubb●r And I 'le never be Drunk unless it be with thee ●nd then you know it will be Convenient L. Beard It may so it may indeed but there 's one thing more my Dear that I must beg of thee Do not keep a Whore do not faile that way Let me be sufficient Alass I know I shall be loath to spare thee Therefore keep no Whore I beseech thee Sir Lub Well I won't I won't come I 'le resist temptation for once I 'le try what
grown so ill natur'd my patience is quite tired What Business can you have or i● it be so methinks my Company should outweigh all Bever Well said Lady Vanity I warrant you think that glance quaintly with the Corner of your eye beares an inestimable value and not to be possibly deserted Matild Not I I assure you Bever O yes or that the soft Rosie inside of your hand the Index of youth and Wealthy Nature deserves Millions of Kisses from the Charm'd Adorer ha come confess Is not this your thought Matild I need not answer Sir if you were as ready to have a good nat●r'd Opinion of me as you are to vent your ill-natur'd Jest. But since Rai●lery is your Chief Diversion I hope I may tell you that whatever my Person has my Love I 'm sure has deserved better usage from you Bever How better usage nay gad I deny that except I have dream't all this while By heaven thou hast like a Usurer hoarded up my Love for this halfe year withou● allowing me wherewith to defray Occasional Expences and that Craving Creature that expects more I think is most unconscionable Matild And that dull Flegmatick Creature that pays less I am sure is most ungrateful But Is this Raillery obliging d' ee think now Is this consistent with the Love you have protested Are these the fruits of passion Bever Passion fy fy name it no more Folly though but once recited is too much 'T is sh●meful to hear it twice besides Madam Love and Passion are onely fit for vacant houres the friends of idleness and fowl weather when that Divine Essence our Reason has leisure to let loose our Soules to things transitory T is for a Cloudy season sweet heart There 's other matters to be perform'd when the Sun shines Matild And pray what do you call Celestial ●f Love and Beauty are such transitory things Bever What Why Immortal Wit true Friends sprightly Champaign heavenly Musick Philosophical Arguments Exercise and a number more Beauty is but a Sewer to these a Grace Cup when the great Banquet is ended and is used by your true Lover as the last Course fruit is onely for the sake of Digestion Matild Well what you please you know your power over me Weeps Bever Ha ha ha Come I have done I 'll vex thee no more Thou knowst my peevish temper and shouldst bear with it Come no more of this April weather Heark'ee I have bespoke a Ring of my Goldsmith for Thee 'T will cost me 30 Guinnies and expect it home this morning let that reconcile all by heaven I do love Thee Matild You did love me before you were Marry'd but these Wives are such Covetous Creatures They 'll be sure to grutch a shilling to another be their own Coffers never so full Bever Then more to confirm my Love to Thee know that I am grown Jealous of my Wife and fear I have Cause Matild You have often begun to tell me how your Marriage c●me to effect and the cause of changing your name but never ended it Bever Now listen then There was a Gentleman one Beauford bred up here at our University who about two years since unfortunately killing a Gentleman in a Duel was forc'd to fly but ere he went there was a Match propounded by his Father and for some time secretly carried on by him betwixt his Son and my now Wife the sole Daughter and Heir of the old Lord Thorough-good she never saw Beauford but once and then this misfortune happening the business was deferred till he got his Pardon but before he could procure it the old man his Father dy'd leaving his Estate in Trustees hands till Beauford should come to age Now in this juncture I neerly resembling him in stature and complexion and being then passionately in Love with Olivia boldly pursu'd the Plot and about six Months since changing my Name for his as if I came just then from Paris made my Address 'T was doubtful at first by reason we differ a little in Face but telling her I had lately been sick of the Small Pox which had extremely alter'd me it pass'd clearly and in a Weeks time I Married her then discover'd all and ask'd her pardon which she never wou●d grant and that 's the reason of all our Quarrels and Jealousi●s Matild But What will you do when the real Beaufort returnes 't will be no easie matt●r to perswade him out of his Name Bever Nor he me out of my Wife and to deal freely I exp●ct him every day For his Friends have got his Pardon and expect his return suddenly How now Enter Amble Amble Sir my Lady is walking down this way Bever Begon then my Dear 'T is not fit she see thee but be sure you come to morrow to my House I 'll contrive some way to shift her off and then wee 'll waste an hour or two alone I. Whead. Will you be sure to remember a Wife is such a Magnetick kind of Creature that I am afraid you 'll forget me Bever I won't my honor on my word I. Whead. And Will you still remember your poor Love Bever While my Life lasts I. Whead. Will you indeed Bever Indeed I will see yonder she 's coming prithee goe I. Whead. Well then adue What won't you kiss me at parting Lord that a VVife should so alter a Man a Kiss sure can't be mis't Bever No not a Thousand but prithee now be gone I am afraid she see 's thee Kisses her Amble wait on her home and then go to the Goldsmith a●d see if the Ring be done De' e hear Amble Yes Sir Exit Amble and I. Wheadle Bever Here she comes now for a Scene of Love Marriage-gallantry which in our modish sence is down-right Railing the effect of Jealousy and Negligence and as natural to the Marry'd-Tribe as want of honesty is to those that profess it hem pray heaven I have but breath enough that 's all my fear Enter Olivia and Rose Oliv. What alone Sir at this time of day and musing too this is a miracle not one of your Brothers of the Bottle here nor Dear Friends of t'other Sex to keep off pelting Melancholly this is very strange Bever Let there be no Scandals rais'd upon the Bottle I beseech you Madam for to my knowledge the Wine within that Bottle has been a Blessing to a Man when his Impertinent VVife has been a Plague to him Oliv. Pardon me Sir think not that I find fault with the VVine for that is our Friend as much as yours and often to oblige us makes the Jealous Husband sleep soundly That the VVedlock-Bed may be free from his Midnight unseasonable railing Bever Nay rather we may be free from your unreasonable Impertinencies those houres Nature allows us for rest you take the priviledge to disturbe with your damn'd Questions and gad I have often answer'd e'm as Children say their prayers so between sleep and awake that I have never consider'd my own