the Bells shall ring And the Fidlers round about us shall play 2. Thy Body with rich Apparel I 'll deck And round about thy Ivory Neck I 'll place a Chain of Pearl So round and so fair so fine and so neat That every one that chances to see 't Will say thou' rt a lovely Girl Then be not so coy but come away And I 'll embrace thee both night and day For I vow and I swear Thou shalt be my Dear And merrily we will sing and play 3. The Girl she stood off and smiling said I fear you mean to betray a Maid That never did love before For men will dissemble and cog and lye And swear they love you faithfully When they have another in store But if that you mean to be faithful and true And that I should be so to you Be loving and kind And change not your mind Or else for evermore adieu Vpon the taking down of the Kings Arms at Oxford in the time of the Rump viz. 1649. who instead of plucking down them on the Gate of the Physick-Garden in Oxford they were such excellent Heralds that they pluckt down the Earl of Danby's Arms who was the Founder there IN Sixteen hundred forty nine When Cavaliers were forc'd to dine At Duke Humfrey's Table still But 't was poor hearts against their will A dismal time when Rump did fart ye A thousand cracks ' gainst Royal Partie And when Kings Arms were plucking down In every City and in Town In Oxford-City there 's a place Call'd Physick-Garden a little space From Colledge Magdalen doth stand Well known to many in this Land From Maudling-bridge it stands North-west So that must be from it South-east This is so plain you cannot miss it That when y' are there you 'll say this is it The Walls that do surround this place And noble Gate which doth it grace And all the Land within the same For evermore will bear the name As being the particular Bount Ty of that noble Northern Count Who to 's Prince to th' last did stand by Call'd Henricus Comes Danby This Gift I say was onely his For which no doubt he is in Bliss Unto the poor University Made so by th' Rump the more 's the pity And first of all this Rumpish Crew That then did there appear in view With others that he thither brought For to destroy as then they thought Their Princes Arms was a Colonel Who indeed was a Preacher as well As Souldier and so he began Then to preach to every man His Rumpish Doctrine and so bid Them be valiant and what they did He wou'd secure both great and small By an Ordinance from his Masters all An Ordinance it might be call'd Which oft the Cavaliers have maul'd By thundring of us out a Town From Post to Pillar up and down But name of Act it cannot bear Yet 't was the Cornel's Act I 'll swear And with the Cornel there did go His Lieutenant-Colonel also And Major too and Captains store And Ensigns and Lieutenants more And of the County-Committee There were about the number three With others at the Colonels call I think there was the Devil and all But now comes out a pleasant Tale If my memory do not fail Which in Oxford is very rife In every mouth and true on my life On the right hand of that brave Gate Were Kings Arms plac'd in handsome state And likewise Crown and Garter too As 'bout the Arms they use to do O' th' left hand was the Founders Arms Bold Danvers who with loud Alarms The Irish Rebels conquer'd so In little time he had no Foe To wreak his Valour on whose fame Was spread abroad that 's very name Would scatter all that Kernish Crew But Danvers cry away they flew And before he came from thence Forc'd 'em to own their natural Prince For which important service done By way of Retaliation King James with Title then did greet him Of Baron Danvers which did meet him 'Fore he came to kiss his hand And 's Son Charles the first for other service done Did Earl of Danby him create And Knight o' th' Garter Honours great Yet none for him too great was thought Who for his Prince so bravely fought So that by this I 'd have you note He had the Garter round his Coat And Coronet also which did make Among our Heroes that great mistake Which made for what I do intend And then I 'll draw unto an end These gallant new-made Gentlemen With the Country-Committee then And others of that new-dub'd Crew When both these Coats they chanc'd to view Like wise men did with one accord Command the Arms of this brave Lord To be pull'd down instead o' th' Kings And so they flew as 't were with wings For to pull down as they thought His Majesties most Royal Coat Sure of Senses they were bereft Not to know right hand from the left That they were Scholars you can't deny ' Cause in the University And wonder 't was what Heraldry then Was 'mong our Rumpish Gentlemen Or were they at that time afraid To touch that Princely Coat They laid Not violent hands upon it then But I remember the time when They durst attack as well as Crown His sacred Person too 't is known Sure Providence did cast a mist 'Fore the Cor'nels eyes and all the rest That they cou'd not see that very day ' Cause their chief Light 's within they say If so then 't was Prophetick sure That they should onely then obscure And for a time to cloud the Crown But for their lives not pull it down Though th' Officers so little knew And Gentlemen of that great Crew What did belong to Arms 't is strange The Souldiers that did use to range Themselves each day in Rank and File And many times their Arms recoil And then the chief word of Command Was Stand to your Arms to every Band Which they being often us'd to do Made 'em let the Kings Arms stand too Then after this in Merriment They all unto the Tavern went To congratulate each others act And all to own that prudent fact There were some twenty Officers With Committee-men Friends of theirs So that there were 'bout thirty two Of this most Solomon-like Crew Who had at last four pints of Sack ' Mongst them all to strengthen the back And though they wou'd not wench nor swear Yet you see drink hard when they came there Nay that they might seem more profuse Which was indeed their common use In half-pint-pots 't was still brought up But yet before they 'd touch the cup With Hat in hand wou'd Blessing crave Lest poison'd by a Cavalier Knave And as they thus sate carousing In comes a bold fellow using Great Reverence to that learned Gang Saying They were better to hang Than keep And having a pint of Sack In his hand he like a mad Hack Drank the Kings health and then threw The Pot among that Spendthrift Crew Saying Pox
in the next line and let the third go fiddle For he in the middle is found to be but short And so by consequence makes them no sport And being Conjugations they are wedded To the other three but will ne'r be bedded To the third and I certainly know this As long as his name is legere legeris Thus you 've heard the meaning of all the four Conjugations what need I say any more The Persons THere are among the Verbs Persons also And very great Persons too you must know Their Numbers are great too nay more than one For there 's two numbers of 'em which are known And seeing the numbers of 'em are so great We 'll appoint numero them to repeat Of which persons there is but onely three That are singular men which I 'll make known t' ye That 's the most Princely Impero Mando And Jubeo which command as much as men can do Other three there are plurally addicted And are for more than one naturally affected Which is the cause that they do never marry But Misses numberless 'bout with 'em carry The Servants to the first are ego tu ille Which is as much as to say I thou he Will domineer over all the Country And the Servants o' th' last are in number the same But not o' th' same number yet as much fame And they are call'd nos vos illi they say That is to be interpreted we ye they We 'll all be drunk as often as we may Then ego amo I love tu amas thou lovest I lle amat he loveth Now which loves best The other which is called nos amamus We love for which I hope you won't blame us Vos amatis ye love why shou'd ye not Illi amant they love Love's all their lot It had been well if all the Verbs had been so Then we shou'd have had no fighting you know Thus have you heard the Persons and Numbers too So that I think I 've nothing more to do The Pronouns courting a Mistriss A Pronoun is a fellow much like to a Noun And thinks himself the bravest man in Town And still in Poetry will be versing But 's chief business is shewing and rehearsing A very pretty witty and buxom Maid They'd lately got among 'em as 't is said And every one did think himself better Than the rest and so did strive to get her Says ego I am chief of all the rest And therefore think I do deserve her best Says tu Thou have her what ' cause y' are Foreman O' th' Jury Yet she knows y' are but a poor man But here 's one call'd sui of himself can say In 's own behalf more than any of they Says ille He to my knowledge cannot break His mind for I ne'r yet heard him speak But here 's one Mr. ipse the man will be Because sh 'as long known him ipse he Though ipse be the very man you speak of Yet I say iste the match will break off ' Cause he 's an Hermaphrodite both he and she So not fit for that Ladies companie Says hic Though iste this and that do say Yet I hic this man will have her away How says iste is that the man must do 't There 's one Mr. meus will hold him to 't For she is says meus mine therefore I Before I 'll lose her am resolv'd to die Then says tuus Thine she shall be for me For I 'm resolv'd not to fight for any she Says noster Ours she is and ours shall be She is says vester yours if you and I agree For you know that whatsoever is yours If I participate therein 't is ours And then began too Monsieur nostras Who in his Country-Language was boistrous To get her from the two last saying She is Of our Country Says vestras And so 't is For your Country is our Country and so Our Country is your Country all do know And so belongs unto us both let 's go And take her Says cujas that was lurking by You both lay claim to her as yours but I Lay claim to her not onely as of my Country but of my Sect too certainly So took her from them all saying Know Who dares resist is my perpetual foe And they for fear it seems did let her go Then up the Court rose and did march in May Unto their own homes which is much you 'll say The Participles A Participle doth participate With Noun and Verb in all degrees and state With the Noun in Gender Case Declension With the Verb in Tense and Signification And yet to make the wonder the bigger Takes part with both in number and figure There are of Participles but four kinds Which scarce do know one anothers minds For they never are together at one time Which to offer to do wou'd be a Crime The Present Preter Future in rus and dus How two Futures that 's preposterous O Sir 't is most certain and I say yes For is not the next year future to this And the third year also future to that So now you see there 's two futures that 's flat The present hath two ends to lodge at ans And ens and the Landlord to th' first is amans Loving for we know that a mans loving is The cause of his great sorrow or bliss And as before-said the second is call'd ens Whose Masters name is Monsieur docens Who is teaching of 'em all perpetually But those that are not present by and by But chiefly the present time is his aim And every day will be to him the same The second is praeter who likewise has three ends In English as d t n who are his friends As loved taught slain He has also Three ends of Latin too which we also know As tus sus xus as amatus visus nexus Who when we are construing does always vex us And another dull dead word in uus Which is Mr. Morioâ—'s Son mortuus He hates the present Tense for he 's for nought But that which is past which he has dearly bought By vindicating that which he will ne'r see And so to himself is a great Enemie But that in rus which is a Country-man Has an active voice though looking wan By being about to love Amaturus Daughter That is if not now he 'll do 't hereafter But that in dus doth suffer very much more Than all the other three that were before For he scorns to love being often moved To it but with amandus to be beloved For a man does love to be belov'd sometimes That is when young Ladies are in their primes And as they were all to Nouns and Verbs alli'd So in their distinct seasons were to them a Guide They all were glad the Verbs a Peace had made For when they heard on 't first were all afraid And to the Concords for that agreement Which they had made they in their seasons went To give 'em thanks and
GRAMMATICAL Drollery Consisting of POEMS SONGS Wherein the RULES of the NOVNS VERBS IN THE ACCEDENCE Are pleasantly made Easie FOR THE Benefit of any that delight in a Tract of this Nature By W. H. ickes LONDON Printed for Tho. Fox and are to be sold at the 〈◊〉 and at the Star in Westminster-hall 1682 GRAMMATICAL Drollery The Adverbs Quarrel THe Adverbs had a Quarrel as they say Says ubi Where in what place I pray Says ibi There and in that very place Where u and i by u receiv'd disgrace Then Mr. hic did plainly say 't was here Yes yes says istic in that very place 't was there One askt whe'r 't was within doors or without Says intus 'T was within doors without doubt No no says foris I 'm certain 't was abroad Where some o' th' Adverbs were severely claw'd Then one did ask 'em when began the Fray My troth says honest hodie 't was to day Says cras I fear 't will last to morrow too There are such adverse Adverbs in the Crew Alas says perindi◠without laughter I fear 't will last until the day after Says heri Yesterday I heard something on 't Say olim In times past 't was their wont Says aliquando Sometimes now and then Such Jars happen ' mongst such kind of men And 't was of late so says nuper then And may says mox be by and by agen Says statim Presently for ought I know Says cito Quickly let 's prepare to go Repente cries We suddenly must depart And subito therein did take his part Ocyus said We quick must hast away Yes says jam and modo just now we say But alias for another time did plead Says forsan Perhaps you 'll repent the deed Says lente Hast makes wast go slowly on We 've a weighty matter to think upon Says quamdiu then How long shall we stay Diu says A long while make no hast away Quotidie day by day ill News doth hear I 'll stay says donec till the coast be clear Vnde askt from whence comes all this prate From hence says hinc we 're all unfortunate Illinc said From thence istinc from that place Where you and I a Mistriss had in chace Whither shall we flie says quo Hither says huc Illuc says Thither or you 'll have ill luck Yes says istuc to that place Says alio To another or I shall fail you ho. This Jarring then did breed such a puther Aliquo bids go to some place or other Which way says qua let us well advise Says illac That way take or y' are not wise Faith says quacunque which way soere you go You 'll be beset on all sides with the Foe How to behave my self says qualiter I know not but am resolv'd to rail at her Has been the cause on 't Says poor primum First I 'll to th' trees and then I 'll climb 'um To be out of danger I 'm so perplext Says Inde Then be sure I 'll be the next To follow ye After says deinde I 'll follow too knew I where to find ye Lastly says denique Let 's go together In regard we 're all Birds of a Feather And then came in a very scurvy cur Askt 'em why they then made such a stir Then all did call him cur which made him cry And why cur says he because cur is why Says quare Wherefore do ye jar I fear you 'll hear alas too much of War Quorsum then did ask 'em to what end They quarrelled and whither did it tend Says heus Heark ye so said ehodum too What 's the cause ye make so much ado Truly says profecto y' are all to blame Indeed says sane I do say the same Says minime You must in no wise jar Nequaquam by no means lest't prove a War I would to God says utinam you were As good friends as when ye came here Sodes and amabo of all loves did entreat And eia said Go to unless you 'll all be beat Says age Well una together with me Will try if we can make 'em all agree Now 's the time says nunc or else never Not onely now says non modo but ever 'T is always good says semper to be quiet Else you 'll surely get but little by it Seorsim doth advise to go apart One after another lest they all do smart Yes says imo and potius said he had rather Go one by one than go altogether Poor fere said he almost fear'd to go And hand was scarcely brought unto it too Then ecce he came in and 's Brother en Saying behold here 's none but jangling men Perhaps says forte and fortuito You may repent it yea and rue it too So also said their Brother good fortassis And call'd 'em all a Crew of drunken Asses Veluti and sicut said They act as 't were Like mad men as they go every where And sic likewise did say the very same And so fell sick to see all out of frame One askt how sic did was told So so That 's sic sic says he then he 's ill I know Quasi said Although they were to blame Something might be done their Brains to tame Says quomodo But how can it be done Says bene Well let each take a Gun And force 'em to 't Recte said 't was rightly spoke Optime said 't was best way not provoke Fortiter then strongly spoke saying Let us Quickly prevent 'em lest they beset us This made fortius more valiant to declare And fortissime most valiant to prepare ' Gainst any assault that might attack 'em Which made the major part begin to back ' um And docte being learn'd then began To give the Character of every man But male then being of an evil mind Did joyn with pessime the worst inclin'd To peace of any Which sicut hearing Said 't was like as a War appearing And so said ceu As sicut so say I So says tanquam velut and all that fry Says multum nay it much doth grieve me And plurimum very much believe me But parum little cared for what they said And minimum the least of all in dread And magis more than all the rest let fly Likewise at tam but maxime especially Paululum a little while did weep To see his Brethren laid by War to sleep Minus was less griev'd than all the rest Which prope that was nigh could not digest Valde greatly did bemoan their fate And told 'em they 'd be all unfortunate Nimium said they were too much inclin'd To mischief and bid 'em change their mind Propius and proxime came near'st of all To make an end of this inhumane Brawl And admodum did very much desire To put an end to this Intestine Fire Then satis came and cry'd Enough enough We may ere long have cause to make proof Of your undaunted Courages till then Let 's all shake hands and be friends
then their Healths did tipple Which was then done by every Participle POEMS and SONGS A Mock-Song to Beauty 1. MY Love is a pretty Lass As any 's in all the Town Her Face doth shine like Brass And her Skin of a Tawny-brown 2. Her Hair 's of a lovely red With Horsegirt-Ribbands tied And hangs about her head Like Daglocks beautified 3. Her Forehead is low and rough Just like a pleated Gown Her Ears are large and tough And always are hanging down 4. Her Eyes are sunk full low Into her pretty head From whence a Cream doth flow That over her face doth spread 5. The one of her Eyes is large The other is very small Her Mouth it is like a Barge For length and breadth and all 6. Her Nose of a Scarlet hue Well set with Jems about And all do appear in view To adorn her delicate Snout 7. Though her Nose and Chin did jar Yet now they are perfect friends And though at distance were Now touch at both the ends 8. Her Teeth they are black and blue Her Tongue than the Cows more neat Her Lips of a silver hue And thatcht with Hair compleat 9. Her Neck it is thick and short Just like our brindled Cow And when she sings for sport She grunts like our old Sow 10. Her Shoulders and Arms are strong And both of a lusty growth To which her Hands do belong That are Shoulders of Mutton both 11. Her Back it is high and plump That some have her Credit defil'd By saying that above her Rump She always did seem with Child 12. There 's never a Girl in Town Of her Breasts can make such brags For they still are dangling down Like half-fill'd Pudding-bags 13. Of her Hanches she often boasts Because they are very fair Her Thighs are two Windmil-posts So they 'd need for the weight they bear 14. Her Legs are lovely and great Which doth her Credit maintain And therefore must needs be neat Being born in Crooked-lane 15. And now for her pretty Feet They can her Arms display But to see how her Heels do meet Now her Toes are worn away 16. Having heard the parts of my Dame I now do conclude my Droll And having no Toes her name Is call'd Stump-footed Moll In praise of the Taylors trade THe Taylors Trade is antient all we know For in the first of times they learnt to sow And made them Breeches then and Aprons too But was not worth a fig to what 't is now Threadneedle-street likewise to all is known To be the antient'st Street in London-Town The Cross-leg'd Signe was there the first set up And likewise there was first a Taylors shop Their Arms are antient too and well them fits Which is three Rampant Lice and a Cluster of Nits Which Coat of Arms with something else hath made More Gentlemen of that than any Trade And now I do believe you 'd know the cause Have patience and I 'll tell you how it was An antient Gentleman that was decay'd Who once had been a rich and ruffling Blade Brought 's Doublet to mend to a Taylors house On which were creeping many a lusty Louse But one more large and rampant than the rest Which made the Taylor think he was the best And chief of all that sharp Back-biting Crew Which he took up and cut him just in two With his new Shears and gave his Wife one half To eat and th' other half did eat himself And from that time did verily think that he Was a Gentleman and of antiquitie Because that Louse he knew had suckt before Of the antient Gentlemans blood such store And 's Wife likewise did verily think she was A Gentlewoman too for that very cause And so did write themselves do all we cou'd Because they eat so much o' th' gentile bloud Nay his man did say he was half a Gentleman Having lickt the Shears that cut the Louse in twain Then he drank hard which you know doth make us Gentlemen all that are friends to Bacchus And when others would leave half i' th' Cup Yet he would always wind his Bottoms up Nay those which drank not he would say were dull And tell 'em still 't was but a Thimble-full He could not drink to mend his Bloud I 'm sure You know his Bloud was good enough before When other Gentlemen would say they were Gentlemen of such and such a Shire Yet he excels them all in spight of their Ears Theirs came from one his from a pair of Shears And whereas other men did call the Court Behind their house a Backside he in sport Commands them all to call 't a Yard for he knew His Wife would be well-pleas'd with that name too And please her he must in all his discourse Because the grey Mare was known the better Horse And likewise knew it did belong to 's Trade Without a Yard no measure could be made Some say by Surgery too he was grown rich For never man did better cure a Stitch. Your Lawyers likewise much a Taylor praise Saying 't is an excellent Trade now-a-days Nay best for a Lawyer in all the Land ' Cause he has still so many Suits in hand One askt him why he marri'd a Northern woman He told him in their Trade 't was very common Because their Needle still to th' North doth tend And as their Needle guides so they must bend He hath a Goose too that flutters still so high And is so proud that it presses all't comes nigh And 't is a Goose that ne'r had more than one Wing at all when that 's off he 'll have none Other Geese do swim but these Pox rot 'um Do still i' th' water sink down to th' bottom Besides his Yard he hath another Measure Which he doth clip and alter at his pleasure The Barbers Trade is not so gentile as it Because they stand but Taylors always sit Still at their work which was the cause I think A fellow said when he was got in drink That a Taylors feet stunk the worst of any Trade whatsoever although there be many And reasons gave us why they were so strong Because they 're under his breech all day long A Taylor sent the other day I know him Unto a man for ten pounds he did owe him What makes thy Master send thus every day I hope he does not think I 'm running away No Sir though you are not I 'll tell you true Yet he must do 't within a day or two A Taylor once was bid to make a Gown And who d' ye think 't was for 't was for the Moon And as he tri'd it still as all men say It was too big or little every day The Taylor then was not in fault you see But 't was indeed the Moon 's inconstancie How can't be otherways being stuft with Lunacie And commonly light-headed used to be There is a Proverb which has been of old And many men have likewise been so bold To the discredit of
Perhaps some puling fool may weep And court her with a Tear And at her footstool cringe and creep And idolize her there Such Coxcombs do deserve to be Inslav'd by women still My Soul 's too great for any she To captivate my will 3. Would men be rul'd by me we 'd make Those scornful things recant And should from us their measures take What we are pleas'd to grant For why should we be subject thus To things so much below us Preeminence belongs to us 'T is they do duty owe us A Song call'd My Mistriss is all the Genders The Tune Shackle de Hay 1. ANd first she 's counted Masculine Because she 's a Virago And born at th' Indies under th' Line At the Island call'd Tobago Where she has deceiv'd full many a man That they from her have quiv'ring ran As if they had an Ago 2. Another call'd her Feminine And swore she of that Sex is ' Cause in her book they 'd interline They never use Indexes For turn unto what place you will You 'll always find it open still Which never man perplexes 3. Then I heard another say He thought she was a Neuter Because there came the other day A Pupil and a Tutor But unto neither she 'd incline But unto both would singly joyn That so they might recruit her 4. Then I thought her the Common of Two From the Couple last was there Sir And to her Parents gave their due As hic haec did swear Sir But if that she be common to two She 'll ne'r be true to me nor you And therefore have a care Sir 5. Then I thought her the Common of Three Hic haec hoc being with her And foelix O happy was he Did catch 'em altogether And if that she be common to three She 'll ne'r be true to you nor me Nor constant unto either 6. Then I thought and so wou'd you She was of the Doubtful Gender For hic vel haec and dies too Did day by day attend her And o' th' Doubtful Gender if she be She 'll doubtful be to you and me Although we do befriend her 7. And after we had scan'd her faults We found her much obsceanea And set a period to our thoughts To call her Epicaena Both he and she Hermaphrodite And Aquila did say she was right And call'd her pocky Queana 8. Thus have I shew'd my Mistriss t' ye Both Feminine Mas and Neuter Nay Common of Two and Common of Three And Doubtful to her Suiter And Epicaene we may her call Because she swears she owns 'em all There 's none that can confute her My Mistriss understands all the Cases To the same Tune 1. MY Mistriss she hath Policie There 's none can undermine her For underneath her self she 'll lie Yet I will not define her She all mens Cases makes her own ' Cause she 's to all their Cases known And therefore I 'll decline her 2. And first she is a Nominative ' Cause she declineth Nomen And in the act Hominative Denies not Knights nor Yeomen Nay she can name 'em all at large That ere sail'd within her Barge Whether they be tall or low men 3. Next I call her Genitive ' Cause she 's for Procreation And she does use a Lenitive As a help to Generation Nay she 's for getting all she can From every stout begetting man The best in all the Nation 4. Then a Dative she is known From Do that was her Founder And before you quick falls down As flat as any Flounder But whatsoever she doth give She ten times more doth still receive Which seems to me a wonder 5. I then Accusative her call Whenever they neglect her For she will curse and blame 'em all Because they do reject her But when her blaming fit is ore You then may enter Portal-door And calls you her Protector 6. Nay all do call her Vocative Because sh 'as a Vocation And has an art provocative To invite 'em to her Station But when they offer to go away Then O she cries Whoop Holiday Let 's use Conglutination 7. Last I call her Ablative Because she 's always taking And though her Suiters much do give Yet she ll be always raking For in with through for by and than Are the signes by which she knows the man Must set her Oven a baking 8. Thus from the first to the Ablative You see she knows the way Sir For when I met her at Bablick-hive Near Oxford she did say Sir That she had a Case for every man And put him to 't do what he can And still will hold him play Sir A new Song to the new Jig-tune 1. MY Nanny quoth he Why Janny quoth she Your will Sir I love thee quoth he If you love me quoth she Do so still Sir I 'd gi' thee quoth he Wou'd you gi' me quoth she But what Sir Why some Money quoth he O some Money quoth she Let me ha 't Sir 2. I 'd ha' thee quoth he Wou'd you ha' me quoth she But where Sir To my Chamber quoth he To your Chamber quoth she Why there Sir I 'd kiss thee quoth he Wou'd you kiss me quoth she But when Sir Why now quoth he Neither now quoth she Nor then Sir 3. I 'd hug thee quoth he Wou'd you hug me quoth she How much Sir Why a little quoth he 'T is a little quoth she Not a touch Sir I am fickish quoth he are you sickish quoth she But why Sir ' Cause you slight me quoth he Do I slight you quoth she 'T is a lye Sir 4. I 'm dying quoth he O dying quoth she Are you sure on 't 'T is certain quoth he Is 't certain quoth she There 's no cure on 't Then farewel quoth he I and farewel quoth she My true Love I am going quoth he So am I too quoth she To a new Love A Song on the Declensions The Tune Shackle de Hay 1. MY Mistriss she is fully known To all the five Declensions She 'll searce them singly one by one And take their true Dimensions She ne'r declin'd yet any man Yet they 'll decline her now and than In spight of her Inventions 2. First Musa is her Mothers name And haec does still attend her She is a hujus burly Dame Though huic be but slender Yet she 'll have a hanc on every man And put 'em to 't do what they can Unless they do befriend her 3. Magister is her Master too And hic is still his Man Sir And filius is her Son also And dominus is her Grandfire Nay lucus agnus and that Lamb-like Crew She 'll call 'em hunc's and haec's 'um too Do all that ere they can Sir 4. Next she 's to lapis very kind As honest hic has said Sir For she 's to precious stones inclin'd Long before she was wed Sir Which made her Parents often say That hic and haec both night and day Was forc'd to watch
her Bed Sir 5. She beat poor manus with a Cane Though he did often hand her From Whetstones-Park and Parkers-lane And was her constant Pander Yet give him manibusses when That she cou'd get no other men That he cou'd notwithstand her 6. 'Bout Noon she 'd with meridies dine And sup and bed him too Sir She 'd make poor facies to her incline In spight of all he cou'd do Sir She day by day would dies pledge Which set poor acies tooth an edge And often made him spew Sir 7. Thus have I shew'd her kindness here And all her dear Relations As musa lapis magister And all their antick fashions Meridies manus and foelix too Had happy been had they ne'r knew Any of all her Stations The COMPARISONS The Tune And 't is the Knave of Clubs bears all the Sway. 1. MY Mistriss she loves Dignities For she has taken three Degrees There 's no Comparison to be made With her in all her subtle Trade For Audax boldly said unto her Y' are positively known a Whore 2. And first I Positive her call ' Cause she 'll be absolute in all For she is still to durus hard And often with sweet dulcis jarr'd Which made kind tristis very sad To see poor pauper us'd so bad 3. Next she is call'd Comparative ' Cause she 'll compare with any alive In all the illiberal Sciences Which she has learned by Degrees Nay was more hard to durior Than all the rest o' th' Crew before 4. Last I Superlative her call ' Cause she 'll be uppermost of all And yet although she was so high Lov'd underneath her self to lie And us'd durissimus I hear The hard'st of all when he came there 5. Thus have I t' ye my Mistriss shown How she is positively known And Comparatively too She did outlearn the rest o' th' Crew And of her being Superlative ' Cause she 'd be highest of all alive Of the Five kinds of Verbs THe Verbs a Battle had of late they say Which did consist of five Regiments that day The first was call'd the Active and they were The activ'st men of any that were there And Amo was their chief Commander then Who said I love ye ' cause y' are gallant men And Coronel Amo with his active Crew Did lead the Van which was indeed their due Next was the Passive which was thought the best Because they suffered more than all the rest For those that in a Fight do suffer most Are thought the bravest men though some are lost And noble Amor did command in chief That gallant Regiment though to his grief For Amo onely says I love But I Amor am loved so shall be till I die The next Coronel that appear'd in fight Was known to be an arrant Hypocrite Which was old Neuter for he 'd sometimes make You to believe that he wou'd freely take Your part but t wou'd sometimes with curro run From one side to th' other but being egg'd on To fight then wou'd he have some slie trick And with aegroto say I 'm very sick And oftentimes wou'd give good words to either When truth to tell he was indeed for neither And being Neuter he was new-turn'd out At which the whole Regiment did give a shout Then the Commander of the fourth Regiment Was one they call'd Monsieur Deponent Which was for laying down as soon as chose And was the first that endeavour'd to depose Himself from that Command and was Brother To Neuter they were so like each other He was indeed a Jack in a Box for he Wou'd sometimes Active and then Passive be When Active then must loquor verbum speak A word in his behalf his mind to break But when Passive and then did suffer most Yet wou'd he still with glorior vaunt and boast Nay their two Regiments did them so handle They both went out like a snuff of Candle The first Regiment was commanded by One Communis of th' others Fraternity And though that he did always end in r Just like a Passive yet would he always car ' A fair outside to amo and so free As to say to him Osculor te I kiss thee But when amor came then who but he Saying Osculor à te I 'm kissed of thee Thus to conclude and the truth to tell Had these three Regiments done their duty well There had been an end of that mortal Fray Much sooner than it was as many say Then my advice is shou'd they fight agen To chuse for Coronels some other men And like him 't is very Common to protest Kindness to one when we mean nothing less The MOODS THe Battle of the Verbs being fully known And their Regiments describ'd one by one The Moods intend it seems to let us know The cause o' th' Quarrel and the manner how The Indicative being the Primier Mood The rest of them then did think it good To let him speak as being Secretory And therefore being fitt'st to tell the story Dear Brethren says he I must tell ye They were deceiv'd by fallo's Son fefelli Who was employ'd by all the Verbs about it And he deceiv'd 'em else they had not fought it And the chief cause indeed was as I hear From some anomalous Verbs that were there Who are Verbs always out of rule and so Not to be rul'd by any man you know As possum volo nolo malo and Edo fero who then was in command And 's unde feror too and all the rest Of that tumultuous Crew said 't was best To fight it out Says possum I may or can Nay am able to fight with any man Says volo I am willing to side with you And will participate in what you do Nolo said He was unwilling to have peace And malo was more willing than all these To fight Says edo I 'll eat my way through 'um That 's the ready way says one to undo ' um But fero was more fierce than all for he Said he 'd bear or suffer any thing than flee Says ferro I 've born and suffer'd more than all And in your Cause resolve to stand or fall Says fio How came this to be made or done Then all fall on him every Mothers son So some took one side and others t'other Until they 'd near destroy'd one another This being spoke they all were at a stand Then says th' Imperative I do command Silence among ye all and bid ye too Strictly to observe what I shall say or do For he was one that was imperious And never spoke in other manner but thus Saying Had I been there I 'd a charg'd 'em all To cease from fighting or have made 'em fall By my imperious hand for let me but say Ama amato love thou and they all obey Or pugnate pugnatote fight ye And if ye do well then I will knight ye Thus my being absent caus'd the fight that day None knew how to command nor none to
obey He having finisht his discourse up starts The Optative who wisht that all their hearts Had been as his then th 'had not fought that day For he and 's Foreman utinam ran away And though the Imperative had the greatest command Yet he of Tenses had five to one at hand More than t'other and was no good House-holder As being so great a wisher and a woulder For all good Prayers he did never want As I would God I pray God and God grant And that there might be no more hatred he 'd say Vtinam amem God grant I love alway Which is the onely way to keep 's in peace And having so spoke his Speech did cease The Potential then stood up and to 'em said Next to the Imperative he 'd be obey'd For though he had indeed the chief command Yet he was more mighty both in Goods and Land As may be seen by the Signes at his door When others have but one yet he has six more As may can might could would should or ought Which unto this Potency has him brought And cou'd say amem I may or can love Or let it alone for he wou'd still move In his own Sphere and never wou'd quarrel But relieve the needy and those that are ill Saying I may or do what I please herein But 't is best not fight but sleep in a whole skin The Subjunctive then began to tell his Tale But when he striv'd to do 't alone wou'd fail But must be forc'd to take a Conjunction To joyn with him or not use his Function For the Subjunctive if the truth were known Is but the Adjectives Bastard for alone They can't stand in Reason or Signification But must have a word joyn'd to keep the sence warm And stick like a Gizzard still under each arm The Subjunctive then at last did declare He wou'd be subject to any thing else but War The Infinitive then to end the Debate Said Of all the Verbs he did participate And also he cou'd do suffer or be What he pleas'd within 's own Seigniorie And was inferiour unto none Of the Moods but of himself cou'd stand alone For I can force amare to love my Daughter And amaturum esse to love hereafter And amandum and amatum to love also And amatu to be belov'd whe'r he will or no. And likewise can command docturum esse To teach hereafter my Daugher Besse Nay I cou'd shew you an Infinite more But for brevities sake I now give ore And do infinitely desire there may be No more of fighting if you 'll be rul'd by me Of the TENSES THe Tenses they being Servants to the Moods They call'd 'em to account about those Feuds The Present Tense did first himself present And truth to say he did those times lament He presently then told them all That they Cou'd never think him guilty of that Fray For he vow'd Had he been present when 't was done He wou'd have been the first that shou'd a run For who knows better to get out of Bands When Times and Seasons are all in our hands The Preterimperfect Tense did then appear But was imperfect in 's relation there For though his time was not perfectly past He confest that with amabam he did love at last But loving not then they told him 't was a fault And was the cause that all that trouble was wrought He vow'd he was not there at that same time When 't began so not guilty of that crime The Preterperfect Tense then began to plead Protesting himself innocent of that deed For though his time was perfectly past yet he Said I have lov'd amavi ferventlie For he and I do all such Quarrels shun And never heard o' th' Battle until 't was done The Preterpluperfect then was call'd in And brought amaveram with him who had bin His long and constant friend who said Though their time Were more than perfectly past yet that crime Cou'd not be laid to their charge ' cause that they Had lov'd one another many a day And will do 't still with leave o' th' Future Tense That they got great applause when they went thence The Future Tense at last was called in Who plainly told 'em If he had guilty bin Of such a thing he deserv'd to be blam'd But yet say they methinks y' are not asham'd To confess you did not love No says he I did not for that can be no fault in me For an Astrologer told me once at home That my time of loving was not yet come And likewise told me that amabo and I Shall or will love most certainly Then all the Court remov'd and did pray They ne'r might see such another day On the Squibs and Crackers thrown on the Lord Mayors day 'T Was just the day 'fore twenty ten Of dull October being then The Lord Mayors show or eke his day So call'd by th' Vulgar as they say I speak not of that glorious Crew That past us by in open view As first the Companies several Belonging to each others Hall All clad in black with half red Tippit Who on their Petitoes did trip it Nor of those Velvet-coats so black With Chains of gold hung on their back Nor of that Teem of Scarlet-Riders Who of the City-wards are Guiders Nor of the Troops and Horses fairness Whose Masters all were clad in Harness Whose Officers Coats bedecked were With Gold embroider'd every where Nor the Foot with Bagpipe Fife and Drum Who thither with the rest did come For to attend our Soveraign Whom God preserve with all his Train Nor of those gallant Princely Coaches To all I gave a Bonos noches But of those Gallants Treat I do That were Spectators of that Show Who there were placed in Balconies ' Mongst which were many antient Cronies And Ladies young who all there stood I can't say sit they wisht they cou'd For in the twinkling of an eye Such Squibs and Crackers then did flie In such a horrid fiery fashion It forc'd them all to change their station Lest it should burn their Garments gay Which borrowed were perhaps that day They chiefly flew like Whirligigs On curled Hair and Perriwigs Nothing escap'd them they were so set That all was Fish that came to Net A couple came that day to see And to be seen in all their braverie And drest they were most finically That all shou'd note that stood them by In striped Mantua's they were drest Of all colours i' th' Rainbow I protest And both were in Balcony set Thinking their gayness then so great That none wou'd venture their Squibs to fling At them being as fine as any thing The Squibs and Cracker-men below Observing what they did and how Confident they were that none would throw And being intent about the Show Some ten of them together flung Which did directly light among Those which in that Balcony sate Which made them stir but 't was too late And 'fore they cou'd remove their station Up