Selected quad for the lemma: cause_n
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A18070
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The life, confession, and heartie repentance of Francis Cartwright, Gentleman for his bloudie sinne in killing of one Master Storr, Master of Arts, and minister of Market Rason in Lincolnshire. Written with his owne hand.
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Cartwright, Francis.
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1621
(1621)
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STC 4704; ESTC S118632
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17,967
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37
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in an instant restored him to health Now the time of my tryall for Master Riggs came where though my Iudge was seuere in respect of my past life and not trusting the vnder-Sherife did himselfe choose out a Iury of men of the better fashion to iudge vpon mee without partiality yet vpon the Euidence of my auoyding him I was not found guiltie of Murther charged vpon me in the Indictment but of an inferiour degree At which time being adiudged without bayle to suffer a yeares imprisonment I felt againe the hand of God vpon mee by visiting my said Sonne in a strange manner that all men might take this for a terrible note of his Iudgement and rather then accidentall or naturall disease hee was crippled and taken lame in all his limbes and deformed in all proportion as if the Lord had in him figured the lamenesse and deformitie of his Fathers soule About 4. yeares this continued on him then God in his good time restored him to perfect health and abilitie of bodie leauing mee this vse of all his Iudgements which haue threatned mee and mine that like an Indulgent Father â—e hath still shaken the Rod ouer mee but not layed it on me that I might feare to offend him because I see his power and loue and seeke him because I taste his mercies My freedome at the yeares end purchased I had not yet in all these sufferings buried the old man so much in me as that there remayned not to much of him in my corruption notwithstanding all these extreames most of my Estate I sold to satisfie such engagements as my troubles had pawned me in the surplus of which I dedicated not I confesse that pious way I ought either in setling my then vnsetled selfe in any honest Calling or conuerting my left stock to good imployment but borrowing too much libertie from Gods mercie I gaue my selfe to my Pleasures which I called lawfull Recreations though in themselues not vnlawfull being moderately vsed yet surely very much vnbeseeming such a Penitent as I was or ought to haue beene and as if this had bin nothing I went farre further and put my money out to Vsury for which my Curse was to be vtterly cheated of the most of it because God in his infinite goodnesse saw that whilst I had any thing left to feed my vanities withall I could not be made wholy and fully his Thus hauing disposed my selfe of all wayes and power to liue and maintayne my Family heere I began to lay this to my selfe that God had deseruedly and iustly taken from mee all that I was Master of and to prayse him for so gentle a chastizement and that now it lay vpon mee by inuocating his blessing and endeuouring my selfe in any course how difficult soeuer to leaue something by my labours purchast for my Wife and Children since my sinnes had made them destitute neuer despayring but that it might please God to preserue mee and fully to prouide for me to this intent I was an earnest Suitor about the Court to some Acquaintance of my wiues only for imployment forreigne or domesticall such as their discretions should Iudge mee fit for In this Court-hope I languisht long till my necessities strained my patience euery course failing mee on which I built At last no way was left mee but to ship my selfe for Argeares in the last Fleete depending still on the mercy of God and resoluing to serue faithfully and resolutely in all such actions my Commander should impose on me In a Ship called the Vaunt-gard Vice-Admirall of the Fleete I was appointed by the Generall to the Commaund of Sir Richard Hawkins a Gentleman from whom I receiued noble respect and worthy fauours yet God that would not yet possesse me of any certaine quiet either in Friends or Fortunes though my resolution were fixt to all Conformitie and my desires wholly dedicated to the redeeming my lost Credit with some good Action still exagitated my Companions with secret heart-burnings against mee and for the Lord was angry with me to whom could I be acceptable he being at warre with me from whence should I expect peace these my enemies by daily prouokings on purpose to tempt me so farre that my fury might forfeit my life and make me forget my selfe and God that had not my wise Captaine preuented it by giuing mee leaue to depart home I am afraid I had confiscated my life to Marshall Law and heapt more bloud vpon my sinne-drenched Soule Thus was I depriued of all the comforts I resolued of and forced thus to returne home rather as it may be thought with an addition of shame then Garland of Honour for God knew how good soeuer to my selfe this course seemed it was not fit for me neither was the time of my peace yet come In a Ship called the Marigold of London I was by my Captaine prouided for to come home when in the very Roade of Malaga in the face of the Fleet and beginning of our Voyage wee had like to haue perished had not the Lord againe extended his mercie Two other English Ships hoysing sayle with vs our Ship was foule of another Ship which lay at Anchor in the Roade and when she should haue looffed shee fell the contrary way as seeming vnwilling to venter her selfe at Sea with so heauy a burthen as I was charged with the Sea was exceeding high nor could the ship worke being euer foule of one Ship or another and in spight of all art and labour could be by the Mariners imployed shee would to shoare as if she desired to spew me out of her sicke bowels and had she not in midst of all these dangers by the letting fall of an Anchor beene stopped shee had ineuitably split vpon a Rocke that was then menacing her Away were our Companions gone to Sea and we thus left then began I to feare least the Sea-men should lay all this mis-aduenture on me and prayed feruently that the Lord would not that way punish me but for his mercie sake deliuer vs. With much labour and more feare at length we put to Sea where we had not long beene but on this side the Straites of Gibiralter when we were almost past feare still the Iudgement of God pursued me lest I should forget Fiue Turkes men of Warre bore vp with vs and like the feare of these the Sea had none to resist we were vnable though wee addressed our selues for fight and to be taken Slaues to Infidels and Vassals to the common enemies of Christ oh what can crueltie more deuise to punish with or the trembling heart of deiected man more feare to suffer vnder Yet from this gaping mischiefe the Lord prouided an vnexpected deliuerie for those which are by nature the deuourers of men prooued our Deliuerers Two Lions we had aboard vs which they knew sent from Argears a Present to our King for which cause in all likelihood they left vs without spoyling that present intimating a League
of Amitie betwixt our Nation and their Towne this I applyed to my soule and confest the wonderfull Workes of God Parted thus from the Turkes all the rest of our time at Sea till we made Land was for the most part frighted with all the hideous feares that salt Region is full of so that I suspected my selfe still and applyed all to mine owne heart as well the dangers as deliuerances assuring my selfe that such iudgements could follownone but mee and such redemptions none but such the Lord had reserued for some good Worke. At Deale I landed and in my way to Chatham as I was hastily comming out of the hyred Coach which I came in my Sword suddenly fell out with the point vp nor could I stop my selfe but violently with all my weight I fell vpon it yet the Lord turned the harme from mee and betwixt my arme and bodie it slided of which escape then and now I make this vse that though I had scaped the threatnings of the Seas the furie of the Turkes my selfe had that about mee the Lord could destroy me with in my greatest securitie which had I perisht in would haue prooued the fearefullest of all that euer threatned That I by whose vnhappy Sword two before had fallen should now after the Law was appeased and all my recited dangers scaped be exposed to an exemplary and wretched end vpon my owne Weapon for in the vnlikeliest meanes more horror still aggrauates the iudgement Francis Francis Cartwrights RESOLVTION AND RELIGION THus my Life hath beene an heauie burthen to mee continually pressing mee downe And although in my youth I was truely taught the true and sound Religion how to feare honour and serue God in so much that I durst not presume to runne wilfully into sin or to liue and continue in sinne without Repentance Yet so farre at length the subtilties of Satan the allurements and pleasures of the World mine owne naturall frailties and my want of Temperance and Iudgement preuailed and ouer-mastered mee that I presumed of the name of Faith and of Gods Mercies towards me and gloried in mine owne estate and condition while I compared my selfe with some others whom I perceiued so much to neglect God as that they only vsed Policie and made Religion onely a Cloake and I blinde and miserable wretch so presumptuously thrust my selfe on Gods mercies without regard to Gods Lawes So from hence haue proceeded all other euils and mischiefes which haue befallen me Hence it is that I haue so fearefully fallen and so grieuously and haynously sinned against God committing these outragious sinnes which I would not haue committed for the sauing of my life and for the expiating and ransoming of which after that I had acted and committed them I would willingly haue giuen my life if it could haue beene accepted for a satisfaction And God for these my sinnes giuing me ouer I wasted my Estate by Suites not abating myne expences as my Estate wasted whereby I see plainly that Gods heauie and dreadfull hand hath haunted and pursued me not only for my cruell and bloudy sinne committed vpon Master Storr but also for my other sinnes and transgressions which I haue committed sometimes presuming too much and sometimes despayring of Gods mercie So that now being as it were brought to the stake and as a miserable distressed man put vpon the Racke I am inwardly forced to make confession of my sinnes open profession of my desires purposes and resolutions and giue account of my Religion before Almightie God and the World I doe see and obserue Gods fearefull Iudgements vpon all notorious Sinners from Adam vntill this present Age not onely testified and recorded in the holy Scriptures and in prophane Histories as for example vpon Cain Saul Achitophel Iudas Herod and cruell Nero and such like but euen also daily executed before our eyes as vpon Varney Dansecar Percie Catesby Wright and all such Murtherers Traytors Pirats Theeues and vniust persons Sir Francis Varney an Englishman borne and liuing here in Sensualitie vntill he had spent his Estate went to Sea and became Pirate And falling in at Argears and there for some small time remayning hee fell in loue with a Whore or Prostitute but shee being subtile would not incline to him without marriage nor marrie vnlesse he would forsake his profession of Christ and turne Turke Hee inraged with Lust after this Whore became Turke and presently marryed her which hee no sooner had done but a Dogge which Dogge before wayted on him and loued him assaulted and fell vpon him suddenly most Lion or Tygre-like as though hee would instantly haue deuoured him but being rescued yet the Dogge in that rage tore the Calues of his legges And yet a further iudgement fell vpon this Varney for albeit the Turkes for some small time gaue him command and office in the end they cashiered him and being taken by the Spaniard iudged him to the Gallies where he wrought as a Slaue vntill he dyed most miserably Danseker a Dutchman being a Pirate at Argears though he turned not Turke yet hee was as it is reported murdered by them of Argears priuately An Heathenish Pagan Infidell or Atheist I am not Neither am I of the Romish Religion though I confesse there are many carnall reasons which do perswade me to imbrace and put in practice some of their Opinions and Doctrines as praying to Saints because I hold my selfe vnworthy to pray to God Almightie Purgatory that I might haue an end of torment and not remayne vnder eternall wrath and Vengeance in Hell Merit or satisfaction by Fryerly austeritie For such as I whose conscience is burthened are held fit to be new moulded and tutored in their Monasteries and set vpon strange and hideous Exploits for redemption of themselues and good of that Church Besides I haue had many fauors courtesies from some noble and zealous persons of that Religion the losse of which I doe willingly sustaine for this mine open profession Yea being by Gods heauie iudgements plunged into the depth of extremities I haue beene beholding to some of the learned among them and can now if my conscience would suffer me be entertayned among them either into their Cloysters or for the Warres and be esteemed and sufficiently relieued with necessaries whereas I am now neglected by mine owne Nation who all seeme to verifie in me that saying of DAVID God hath forsaken him pursue and take him And though all this be come vpon mee yet I professe I doe not encline to beleeue the Romish Doctrines of the Masse Transubstantiation Merit Iustification by Workes and such like I acknowledge that all the glorie of our saluation is due to God who worketh all in all And to our Lord Iesus Christ we owe all the thankes who by his owne sufferings and with his most precious bloud hath satisfied the Law pacified Gods wrath payd our debt and ransome and cancelled the bond And if they of mine owne Religion here in this