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mortify_v her_o passion_n and_o yet_o these_o man_n will_v needs_o expect_v that_o she_o shall_v remain_v as_o entire_a and_o firm_a as_o they_o have_v read_v of_o saint_n themselves_o after_o they_o be_v confirm_v in_o grace_n the_o particular_n which_o occur_v in_o this_o kind_n be_v to_o give_v a_o man_n cause_n to_o wonder_n and_o withal_o even_o to_o afflict_v we_o to_o the_o hart_n to_o see_v so_o many_o soul_n turn_v back_o again_o which_o know_v not_o poor_a creature_n as_o they_o be_v what_o shift_n to_o make_v for_o themselves_o and_o so_o do_v i_o believe_v that_o i_o have_v also_o do_v if_o our_o
that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v with_o myself_o o_o that_o we_o will_v look_v with_o attention_n upon_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n for_o every_o body_n will_v then_o be_v quick_o able_a to_o find_v by_o experience_n how_o little_a he_o be_v to_o lodge_v either_o his_o contentment_n or_o discontentment_n upon_o it_o it_o be_v most_o certain_a in_o my_o opinion_n that_o this_o be_v one_o of_o the_o feirce_v kind_n of_o fit_n of_o affliction_n that_o ever_o i_o have_v endure_v in_o my_o whole_a life_n and_o it_o seem_v as_o if_o my_o very_a spirit_n have_v half_o prophesy_v how_o much_o do_v still_o rest_v behind_o to_o be_v endure_v though_o yet_o that_o arrive_v not_o so_o far_o as_o this_o if_o it_o have_v continue_v but_o now_o our_o bless_a lord_n do_v not_o permit_v this_o poor_a servant_n of_o he_o to_o suffer_v long_o nor_o do_v he_o ever_o fail_v to_o succour_v i_o in_o my_o tribulation_n nor_o do_v he_o also_o in_o this_o for_o now_o he_o give_v i_o a_o little_a objection_n light_n wherewith_o to_o see_v that_o all_o this_o be_v of_o the_o devil_n and_o that_o i_o may_v discern_v the_o truth_n and_o that_o the_o whole_a business_n be_v but_o to_o put_v i_o into_o a_o fright_n by_o lie_n and_o so_o i_o come_v by_o degree_n to_o call_v to_o mind_n and_o to_o recover_v the_o great_a resolution_n which_o i_o have_v former_o conceive_v towards_o the_o service_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n as_o also_o my_o desire_n to_o suffer_v for_o he_o and_o so_o i_o grow_v also_o to_o consider_v that_o if_o real_o i_o intend_v to_o fulfil_v they_o i_o be_v not_o to_o busy_v myself_o about_o procure_v rest_n and_o ease_n but_o if_o i_o will_v endure_v affliction_n that_o this_o be_v the_o true_a way_n to_o merit_v and_o that_o if_o i_o will_v goe-through_a with_o they_o for_o the_o service_n of_o almighty_a god_n they_o will_v be_v in_o stead_n of_o purgatory_n for_o i_o &_o of_o what_o be_v i_o afraid_a &_o that_o since_o i_o desire_v affliction_n these_o which_o be_v offer_v now_o will_v be_v very_o fit_a &_o good_a and_o that_o where_o the_o great_a contradiction_n be_v feel_v the_o rich_a gain_n will_v be_v find_v and_o why_o shall_v my_o hart_n fail_v i_o for_o his_o service_n to_o who_o i_o owe_v so_o much_o and_o by_o these_o and_o other_o consideration_n and_o employ_v all_o the_o courage_n i_o have_v i_o make_v a_o promise_n in_o presence_n of_o the_o b._n sacrament_n to_o do_v all_o the_o very_a uttermost_a that_o i_o can_v to_o get_v leave_n to_o come_v to_o this_o monastery_n as_o also_o if_o i_o may_v do_v it_o with_o safe_a conscience_n to_o promise_n clausure_n but_o now_o at_o my_o resolve_v upon_o this_o the_o devil_n flee_v instant_o away_o and_o leave_v i_o very_o quiet_a and_o content_v and_o so_o i_o have_v remain_v ever_o since_o and_o all_o that_o which_o be_v observe_v in_o this_o house_n either_o by_o way_n of_o enclosure_n or_o penance_n in_o any_o kind_n have_v make_v itself_o both_o very_a delightful_a and_o seem_v very_o little_a and_o the_o contentment_n on_o the_o other_o side_n be_v so_o extreme_o great_a that_o i_o be_o think_v several_a time_n if_o i_o be_v able_a to_o find_v any_o thing_n in_o the_o whole_a world_n which_o can_v be_v of_o so_o much_o gust_n to_o i_o as_o this_o i_o know_v not_o also_o whether_o perhaps_o even_o this_o may_v not_o be_v the_o true_a reason_n why_o i_o enjoy_v better_a health_n now_o then_o ever_o or_o else_o that_o perhaps_o our_o lord_n will_v have_v it_o so_o because_o perhaps_o there_o may_v be_v some_o necessary_a use_n thereof_o and_o because_o it_o be_v but_o reason_n that_o i_o shall_v also_o do_v thosething_n which_o be_v perform_v by_o all_o the_o rest_n and_o therefore_o that_o he_o be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o so_o much_o comfort_n as_o to_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v with_o some_o little_a trouble_n but_o certain_o all_o they_o who_o see_v it_o and_o be_v privy_a to_o the_o great_a infirmity_n to_o which_o i_o be_o subject_a be_v amaze_v at_o it_o bless_a be_v our_o lord_n who_o give_v it_o all_o and_o have_v power_n enough_o wherewith_o to_o do_v it_o but_o i_o fail_v not_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n to_o be_v very_o well_o weary_v with_o such_o a_o stiff_a contention_n and_o strife_n as_o this_o though_o yet_o i_o laugh_v at_o the_o devil_n for_o i_o clear_o see_v it_o be_v he_o and_o i_o conceive_v that_o our_o bless_a lord_n will_v permit_v it_o because_o i_o never_o know_v till_o then_o what_o it_o be_v to_o be_v in_o any_o disgust_n for_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n nor_o do_v i_o ever_o find_v any_o during_o the_o space_n of_o eight_o and_o twenty_o year_n and_o more_o that_o i_o have_v be_v one_o but_o now_o his_o divine_a majesty_n permit_v it_o to_o come_v upon_o i_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v the_o better_o understand_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o it_o have_v please_v our_o lord_n to_o do_v i_o in_o that_o state_n yea_o and_o the_o torment_n from_o which_o he_o have_v free_v i_o as_o also_o to_o the_o end_n that_o if_o afterward_o i_o see_v any_o one_o who_o shall_v be_v afflict_v in_o the_o same_o kind_n i_o may_v not_o be_v fright_v at_o it_o but_o may_v both_o have_v compassion_n of_o she_o and_o know_v also_o how_o to_o give_v her_o comfort_n if_o there_o shall_v be_v cause_n but_o now_o have_v pass_v this_o brunt_n and_o be_v desirous_a to_o rest_v a_o little_a when_o i_o shall_v have_v dine_v for_o in_o all_o the_o night_n before_o i_o have_v take_v none_o as_o also_o in_o many_o other_o night_n i_o have_v not_o fail_v of_o care_n and_o trouble_n enough_o when_o yet_o i_o be_v also_o tire_v out_o in_o the_o day_n as_o they_o know_v very_o well_o what_o pass_v not_o only_o in_o the_o monastery_n but_o in_o the_o city_n there_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o noise_n and_o disquiet_v upon_o the_o occasion_n which_o have_v be_v former_o touch_v yea_o and_o there_o seem_v to_o be_v some_o colour_n for_o the_o same_o just_o then_o the_o prioress_n require_v i_o to_o be_v call_v and_o that_o i_o must_v go_v to_o she_o at_o the_o instant_n and_o meet_v with_o her_o commandment_n i_o leave_v my_o religious_a full_a of_o pain_n and_o care_n and_o so_o instant_o go_v to_o she_o but_o i_o than_o perceive_v well_o that_o i_o be_v to_o be_v sure_a of_o trouble_n enough_o though_o yet_o the_o house_n be_v then_o dispatch_v i_o be_v not_o in_o very_a much_o pain_n howsoever_o i_o betake_v myself_o to_o prayer_n beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n to_o be_v good_a to_o i_o and_o beg_v of_o my_o father_n s._n joseph_n that_o he_o will_v bring_v i_o back_o again_o to_o his_o house_n and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o offered-up_a all_o that_o which_o i_o may_v chance_v to_o endure_v for_o his_o sake_n and_o i_o be_v to_o be_v very_o well_o please_v if_o it_o fall_v out_o that_o i_o may_v suffer_v any_o thing_n for_o he_o or_o be_v able_a to_o serve_v he_o and_o so_o i_o go_v away_o with_o opinion_n that_o they_o will_v instant_o commit_v i_o to_o prison_n whereby_o i_o yet_o conceive_v that_o they_o will_v so_o have_v do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pleasure_n for_o then_o i_o shall_v not_o have_v be_v vex_v with_o their_o talk_n and_o i_o shall_v have_v enjoy_v a_o little_a solitude_n whereof_o i_o be_v in_o very_o great_a want_n for_o they_o have_v even_o as_o it_o be_v grind_v i_o to_o dust_n by_o force_v i_o to_o converse_v so_o long_o with_o such_o a_o multitude_n of_o people_n but_o be_v then_o arrive_v and_o have_v give_v account_n of_o myself_o to_o the_o superior_a she_o be_v a_o little_a appease_v and_o they_o all_o agree_v to_o send_v i_o to_o the_o provincial_n and_o so_o the_o cause_n be_v to_o depend_v before_o he_o and_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o be_v come_v thither_o for_o judgement_n i_o find_v myself_o with_o much_o contentment_n to_o see_v that_o i_o be_v suffer_v somewhat_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n for_o as_o for_o have_v do_v any_o thing_n either_o against_o his_o divine_a majesty_n or_o yet_o against_o the_o order_n i_o conceive_v not_o that_o i_o have_v offend_v but_o rather_o have_v endeavour_v to_o augment_v it_o to_o the_o uttermost_a of_o my_o power_n and_o will_v be_v glad_a with_o my_o whole_a hart_n to_o die_v for_o it_o for_o all_o my_o desire_n be_v that_o it_o may_v be_v fulfil_v according_a to_o the_o uttermost_a perfection_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o call_v to_o mind_v the_o sentence_n which_o be_v pass_v upon_o christ_n our_o lord_n and_o i_o acknowledge_v what_o a_o nothing_o this_o be_v
vow_n of_o his_o profession_n the_o bull_n grant_v in_o favour_n of_o his_o order_n have_v avail_v he_o towards_o his_o escape_n of_o purgatory_n now_o i_o know_v not_o why_o this_o be_v give_v to_o be_v understand_v by_o i_o but_o i_o think_v it_o may_v be_v very_o well_o to_o make_v i_o know_v that_o a_o man_n be_v a_o religious_a man_n do_v not_o consist_v only_o in_o his_o habit_n i_o mean_v not_o in_o the_o only_o wear_v it_o as_o if_o that_o very_a thing_n do_v endue_v he_o with_o more_o perfection_n i_o will_v now_o relate_v no_o more_o of_o these_o thing_n for_o there_o be_v no_o great_a cause_n why_o i_o shall_v though_o yet_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v do_v i_o the_o favour_n to_o show_v i_o very_o many_a but_o among_o all_o those_o soul_n which_o i_o have_v see_v i_o have_v not_o understand_v of_o any_o one_o which_o escape_v the_o go_v at_o all_o into_o purgatory_n but_o only_o this_o last_o father_n and_o that_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n and_o that_o dominican_n father_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o our_o lord_n have_v also_o be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v the_o several_a degree_n which_o they_o have_v of_o glory_n by_o represent_v the_o place_n to_o i_o wherein_o they_o be_v and_o i_o find_v that_o there_o be_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o difference_n between_o some_o and_o other_o the_o nine_o and_o their_o tieth_n chapter_n she_o proceed_v in_o the_o same_o subject_n of_o show_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v she_o and_o she_o declare_v how_o he_o be_v please_v to_o promise_v his_o favour_n to_o they_o for_o who_o she_o shall_v beg_v it_o and_o she_o relate_v some_o important_a particular_n wherein_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v do_v her_o particular_a favour_n of_o this_o kind_n be_v once_o very_o importunate_a with_o our_o bless_a lord_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o give_v sight_n to_o a_o certain_a person_n to_o who_o i_o have_v obligation_n and_o who_o be_v almost_o grow_v to_o be_v utter_o blind_a i_o have_v much_o compassion_n on_o he_o and_o i_o fear_v lest_o our_o lord_n will_v not_o hear_v i_o in_o regard_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o yet_o he_o appear_v to_o i_o then_o as_o he_o have_v also_o do_v at_o other_o time_n and_o begin_v to_o show_v i_o the_o wound_n of_o his_o left_a hand_n and_o with_o his_o right_a hand_n he_o draw_v out_o the_o great_a nail_n which_o have_v be_v thrust_v into_o it_o and_o i_o thought_n that_o some_o of_o the_o very_a flesh_n come_v out_o with_o the_o nail_n i_o see_v well_o how_o great_a pain_n it_o do_v import_v and_o it_o afflict_v i_o much_o but_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o since_o he_o have_v endure_v so_o much_o for_o my_o sake_n i_o shall_v not_o doubt_v but_o that_o he_o will_v more_o easy_o be_v draw_v to_o harken_v to_o this_o suit_n of_o i_o and_o so_o he_o promise_v that_o he_o will_v grant_v whatsoever_o i_o shall_v desire_v but_o he_o know_v very_o well_o already_o that_o i_o will_v beg_v nothing_o of_o he_o but_o only_o to_o his_o own_o honour_n and_o glory_n and_o that_o i_o make_v this_o present_a suit_n under_o that_o condition_n he_o will_v i_o also_o to_o remember_v and_o consider_v that_o even_o when_o i_o do_v he_o not_o true_a service_n i_o have_v not_o desire_v any_o thing_n of_o he_o which_o he_o have_v not_o grant_v even_o better_o than_o myself_o have_v desire_v and_o therefore_o how_o much_o more_o will_v he_o be_v sure_a enough_o to_o do_v it_o now_o when_o he_o know_v i_o love_v he_o and_o therefore_o that_o i_o shall_v banish_v all_o doubt_n and_o i_o think_v eight_o day_n do_v not_o pass_v but_o that_o our_o lord_n restore_v sight_n to_o that_o person_n and_o this_o be_v present_o know_v by_o my_o ghostly_a father_n now_o peradventure_o as_o i_o think_v at_o first_o this_o do_v not_o happen_v by_o mean_n of_o any_o prayer_n of_o i_o though_o yet_o since_o i_o see_v this_o vision_n i_o have_v remain_v with_o some_o little_a certainty_n that_o the_o thing_n be_v do_v by_o the_o favour_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o i_o and_o according_o i_o have_v present_v he_o with_o my_o thanks_n another_o time_n there_o be_v a_o person_n sick_a of_o a_o very_a painful_a infirmity_n which_o because_o it_o be_v of_o a_o odd_a condition_n and_o way_n i_o forbear_v to_o particularize_v it_o here_o but_o it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o insupportable_a thing_n and_o he_o have_v be_v trouble_v with_o it_o two_o month_n but_o he_o endure_v a_o torment_n by_o it_o which_o do_v even_o tear_v he_o in_o piece_n now_o my_o ghostly_a father_n go_v to_o visit_v he_o and_o that_o be_v the_o rectour_n of_o the_o college_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v and_o he_o have_v great_a compassion_n of_o the_o man_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o in_o any_o case_n i_o must_v also_o go_v &_o give_v he_o a_o visit_n for_o that_o he_o be_v a_o person_n to_o who_o i_o may_v handsome_o do_v it_o in_o regard_n that_o he_o be_v my_o kinsman_n i_o go_v and_o have_v so_o much_o pity_n of_o he_o that_o i_o begin_v to_o beg_v his_o health_n of_o our_o lord_n after_o a_o very_a importunate_a manner_n and_o in_o this_o i_o see_v clear_o by_o the_o very_a uttermost_a of_o what_o i_o be_o able_a to_o imagine_v how_o much_o favour_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o therein_o for_o instant_o upon_o the_o very_a next_o day_n he_o be_v absolute_o well_o i_o be_v once_o in_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o trouble_n because_o i_o come_v to_o know_v that_o a_o certain_a person_n to_o who_o i_o be_v much_o oblige_v be_v resolve_v to_o do_v a_o thing_n which_o be_v great_o against_o the_o honour_n both_o of_o almighty_a god_n and_o himself_o and_o yet_o he_o be_v very_o much_o bend_v to_o do_v the_o thing_n now_o my_o trouble_n for_o this_o be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o find_v remedy_n and_o mean_n to_o make_v he_o leave_v it_o and_o indeed_o it_o rather_o seem_v that_o there_o be_v none_o but_o then_o i_o beseech_v almighty_a god_n and_o that_o with_o my_o whole_a hart_n that_o he_o will_v help_v we_o and_o till_o i_o can_v find_v it_o do_v i_o shall_v be_v in_o pain_n be_v therefore_o now_o in_o this_o case_n i_o go_v to_o a_o certain_a oratory_n a_o little_a remore_n from_o where_o i_o be_v for_o there_o be_v diverse_a such_o in_o this_o monastery_n and_o find_v a_o picture_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n as_o he_o be_v bind_v to_o the_o pillar_n i_o humble_o beg_v of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o do_v i_o that_o favour_n and_o present_o i_o hear_v one_o speak_v to_o i_o in_o a_o most_o sweet_a voice_n but_o it_o be_v frame_v as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v in_o the_o manner_n of_o whistle_v for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v all_o in_o a_o fright_n and_o the_o very_a hair_n of_o my_o head_n stand_v a_o end_n and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o hear_v what_o it_o say_v to_o i_o but_o when_o once_o my_o fear_n be_v go_v which_o be_v also_o quick_o i_o remain_v with_o rest_n and_o joy_n and_o so_o great_a a_o interior_a kind_n of_o delight_n that_o it_o amaze_v i_o how_o the_o only_o hear_v of_o a_o voice_n and_o that_o with_o the_o only_o ear_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n yea_o and_o without_o the_o articulation_n or_o frame_v of_o any_o one_o word_n be_v able_a to_o produce_v so_o powerful_a a_o operation_n in_o the_o soul_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o find_v even_o thereby_o that_o the_o thing_n which_o i_o have_v desire_v shall_v be_v do_v and_o so_o it_o be_v and_o the_o pain_n wherein_o i_o find_v myself_o concern_v it_o be_v utter_o remove_v in_o a_o thing_n which_o be_v not_o yet_o as_o if_o i_o have_v find_v it_o to_o be_v certain_o grant_v as_o it_o happen_v to_o be_v afterward_o and_o i_o relate_v the_o whole_a accident_n to_o my_o confessor_n who_o at_o that_o time_n be_v two_o and_o they_o both_o be_v very_o learned_a man_n and_o the_o servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n i_o know_v also_o of_o a_o certain_a person_n who_o have_v resolve_v to_o serve_v his_o divine_a majesty_n in_o very_o good_a earnest_n and_o he_o have_v use_v prayer_n some_o day_n and_o therein_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v do_v he_o many_o favour_n and_o yet_o he_o gave-ove_a his_o course_n of_o prayer_n upon_o certain_a occasion_n which_o occur_v to_o he_o and_o those_o he_o do_v not_o quit_v although_o they_o be_v full_a of_o danger_n this_o put_v i_o to_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n because_o the_o man_n who_o the_o matter_n concern_v be_v a_o person_n who_o both_o i_o love_v much_o and_o who_o i_o also_o be_v much_o oblige_v to_o love_n
i_o have_v to_o converse_v with_o they_o but_o our_o lord_n do_v ever_o counsel_v i_o in_o all_o thing_n yea_o so_o far_o as_o even_o to_o tell_v i_o how_o i_o shall_v carry_v myself_o towards_o weak_a person_n and_o some_o other_o also_o and_o he_o never_o lay_v the_o care_n of_o i_o aside_o but_o i_o be_o much_o trouble_v to_o find_v that_o i_o be_o good_a for_o so_o little_a in_o his_o service_n as_o also_o that_o i_o can_v do_v the_o less_o through_o my_o spend_v more_o time_n than_o i_o wiâ—h_v upon_o so_o weak_a and_o waste_v a_o body_n as_o i_o be_v as_o i_o be_v once_o in_o prayer_n and_o the_o hour_n of_o our_o go_v to_o rest_n come_v on_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n and_o know_v that_o my_o ordinary_a vomit_n will_v arrive_v and_o obserue_v myself_o to_o be_v so_o tyed-up_a to_o these_o care_n and_o the_o spirit_n on_o the_o other_o side_n desit_v to_o have_v some_o time_n for_o itself_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v even_o so_o tire_v that_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v great_o afflict_v and_o to_o weep_v much_o and_o that_o happen_v very_o often_o to_o i_o and_o this_o condition_n put_v i_o to_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o anger_n that_o i_o think_v i_o do_v in_o those_o time_n even_o abhor_v myself_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v true_a withal_o that_o i_o do_v not_o abhor_v myself_o indeed_o nor_o yet_o be_o want_v in_o what_o be_v necessary_a for_o i_o and_o i_o rather_o pray_v god_n that_o i_o take_v not_o more_o care_n of_o myself_o than_o i_o shall_v and_o so_o i_o fear_v i_o do_v but_o now_o whilst_o i_o be_v in_o this_o grief_n our_o lord_n appear_v to_o i_o and_o regale_v i_o very_o much_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v endure_v these_o trouble_n and_o goe-through_a with_o they_o for_o love_n of_o he_o and_o that_o my_o life_n be_v necessary_a yet_o and_o so_o i_o think_v i_o never_o see_v myself_o in_o any_o very_a great_a pain_n which_o i_o value_v since_o i_o resolve_v to_o serve_v this_o lord_n and_o comforter_n of_o i_o with_o all_o my_o power_n for_o though_o he_o permit_v i_o to_o suffer_v a_o little_a yet_o will_v he_o still_o be_v assist_v i_o so_o withal_o that_o i_o esteem_v not_o myself_o to_o do_v much_o in_o desire_v to_o suffer_v affliction_n for_o his_o sake_n so_o that_o now_o i_o think_v there_o be_v no_o reason_n why_o we_o shall_v even_o desire_v so_o much_o as_o to_o live_v but_o only_o to_o the_o end_n that_o we_o may_v suffer_v and_o according_o this_o be_v the_o thing_n which_o i_o beg_v with_o most_o affection_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o sometime_o i_o be_o say_v to_o he_o with_o my_o whole_a hart_n o_o lord_n let_v i_o either_o suffer_v or_o die_v for_o i_o beg_v no_o other_o thing_n of_o thou_o for_o myself_o and_o now_o it_o use_v to_o comfort_v i_o to_o hear_v the_o clock_n strike_v for_o so_o i_o think_v i_o be_o grow_v a_o little_a near_o to_o the_o see_v of_o god_n though_o it_o be_v but_o a_o little_a because_o one_o hour_n more_o of_o my_o life_n be_v past_a at_o other_o time_n i_o find_v myself_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o neither_o take_v much_o pleasure_n in_o live_v nor_o yet_o i_o think_v have_v any_o great_a mind_n to_o die_v and_o so_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o remain_v with_o a_o kind_n of_o stupidity_n and_o darkness_n of_o mind_n in_o all_o thing_n and_o many_o time_n i_o also_o have_v some_o trouble_n and_o since_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v that_o those_o favour_n shall_v be_v public_o know_v which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n vouchsafe_v to_o show_v i_o as_o he_o himself_o have_v tell_v i_o some_o year_n ago_o that_o they_o shall_v be_v which_o give_v i_o vexation_n enough_o and_o it_o be_v not_o a_o little_a that_o i_o have_v endure_v therein_o as_o your_o reverence_n know_v for_o every_o body_n will_v understand_v thing_n as_o he_o list_n i_o comfort_v myself_o yet_o with_o this_o that_o it_o have_v not_o arrive_v by_o my_o fault_n because_o i_o never_o speak_v of_o any_o such_o thing_n but_o either_o to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n or_o other_o who_o i_o know_v even_o by_o they_o have_v understand_v thereof_o for_o of_o this_o i_o be_v very_o wary_a even_o to_o extremity_n though_o yet_o perhaps_o i_o abstain_v not_o so_o much_o for_o respect_n of_o humility_n as_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o have_v pain_n enough_o to_o tell_v even_o my_o ghostly_a father_n thereof_o and_o therefore_o how_o much_o less_o will_v i_o impart_v thing_n of_o this_o nature_n to_o other_o but_o now_o i_o earnest_o desire_v that_o almighty_a god_n may_v receive_v glory_n by_o it_o howsoever_o there_o be_v some_o who_o murmur_n at_o i_o very_o much_o upon_o this_o occasion_n though_o even_o yet_o i_o think_v they_o may_v peradventure_o do_v it_o with_o good_a zeal_n and_o there_o be_v other_o who_o be_v afraid_a even_o to_o treat_v with_o i_o in_o any_o kind_n yea_o and_o even_o to_o receive_v the_o confession_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o other_o say_v also_o other_o thing_n but_o how_o soever_o since_o i_o understand_v that_o it_o have_v please_v our_o bless_a lord_n to_o reduce_v many_o soul_n by_o this_o mean_n and_o because_o i_o see_v clear_o and_o remember_v continual_o how_o much_o himself_o will_v be_v please_v to_o endure_v for_o the_o gain_n of_o one_o soul_n i_o allow_v myself_o to_o take_v little_a trouble_n for_o any_o thing_n which_o man_n can_v say_v of_o i_o and_o i_o know_v not_o whether_o or_o no_o this_o may_v not_o have_v be_v a_o part_n of_o the_o cause_n why_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v place_v i_o in_o this_o little_a corner_n of_o the_o world_n where_o i_o be_o so_o shut_v up_o and_o where_o i_o think_v there_o will_v be_v no_o more_o memory_n of_o i_o then_o of_o a_o thing_n which_o be_v dead_a but_o their_o forgerfulnes_n be_v not_o so_o great_a as_o i_o wish_v and_o so_o i_o have_v be_v constrain_v to_o speak_v sometime_o with_o some_o person_n yet_o howsoever_o i_o be_o not_o now_o where_o the_o world_n may_v easy_o see_v i_o for_o it_o seem_v that_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o drive_v i_o from_o sea_n to_o this_o port_n and_o i_o trust_v in_o his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o it_o will_v prove_v a_o very_a safe_a one_o for_o i_o and_o since_o now_o i_o be_o out_o of_o the_o world_n and_o find_v myself_o in_o the_o company_n of_o few_o but_o they_o holy_a creature_n i_o look_v down_o upon_o the_o world_n as_o from_o a_o place_n which_o be_v very_o high_a and_o so_o it_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v of_o little_a moment_n with_o i_o what_o they_o below_o do_v either_o say_v or_o think_v and_o i_o will_v make_v much_o more_o account_n to_o understand_v that_o any_o one_o soul_n shall_v have_v profit_v to_o the_o weight_n of_o one_o little_a grain_n in_o god_n service_n by_o my_o mean_n then_o of_o all_o which_o can_v be_v say_v of_o i_o in_o any_o kind_n for_o since_o i_o have_v find_v myself_o in_o this_o place_n our_o lord_n have_v be_v gracious_o please_v that_o all_o the_o desire_n of_o my_o hart_n may_v have_v no_o other_o aim_n but_o this_o and_o he_o have_v also_o give_v i_o even_o a_o kind_n of_o sleep_n in_o this_o life_n which_o make_v i_o find_v that_o whatsoever_o i_o see_v be_v but_o dream_v nor_o be_o i_o able_a to_o say_v that_o i_o reap_v either_o much_o contentment_n or_o trouble_v by_o any_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n and_o if_o yet_o some_o thing_n give_v i_o any_o it_o pass_v away_o with_o so_o very_o great_a speed_n that_o i_o even_o wonder_v at_o it_o and_o it_o make_v but_o just_a such_o a_o kind_n of_o impression_n upon_o i_o as_o a_o thing_n will_v do_v whereof_o i_o have_v dream_v and_o it_o be_v a_o most_o perfect_a truth_n that_o although_o i_o shall_v afterward_o have_v a_o piece_n of_o a_o mind_n either_o to_o be_v glad_a of_o any_o contentment_n or_o to_o be_v sorry_a for_o any_o mis-accident_n and_o trouble_v it_o be_v real_o no_o more_o now_o in_o my_o power_n but_o just_a so_o as_o any_o man_n who_o be_v discreet_a will_v take_v either_o trouble_n or_o joy_n from_o a_o dream_n of_o his_o own_o for_o now_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v already_o be_v please_v to_o awake_v and_o open_v the_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n from_o out_o of_o that_o folly_n wherein_o it_o be_v and_o whereas_o by_o my_o not_o be_v mortify_v nor_o dead_a to_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n i_o be_v wont_a to_o have_v much_o feel_n of_o such_o thing_n as_o happen_v his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v now_o that_o i_o shall_v loose_v my_o true_a sight_n no_o more_o in_o this_o sort_n sir_n do_v i_o live_v now_o and_o i_o
in_o respect_n of_o he_o i_o accuse_v myself_o then_o as_o in_o fault_n yea_o and_o as_o very_o faulty_a and_o so_o i_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o i_o be_v in_o the_o opinion_n of_o all_o they_o who_o know_v not_o very_o much_o of_o the_o cause_n and_o after_o they_o have_v give_v i_o a_o great_a reprehension_n though_o not_o yet_o with_o so_o much_o rigour_n as_o the_o fault_n may_v seem_v to_o deserve_v and_o as_o many_o of_o they_o tell_v the_o provincial_n that_o i_o have_v commit_v i_o be_v absolute_o for_o my_o part_n resolve_v to_o hold_v on_o this_o course_n and_o so_o i_o rather_o desire_v that_o they_o shall_v pardon_v i_o and_o then_o punish_v i_o if_o they_o will_v but_o by_o no_o mean_n remain_v unkind_a or_o ill-affected_a towards_o i_o in_o some_o thing_n i_o plain_o see_v that_o they_o have_v no_o reason_n at_o all_o against_o i_o but_o that_o they_o condemn_v i_o without_o cause_n as_o when_o they_o say_v i_o have_v do_v whatsoever_o i_o have_v do_v to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v be_v hold_v in_o great_a opinion_n and_o to_o be_v talk_v of_o and_o such_o other_o toy_n as_o that_o but_o in_o other_o i_o see_v clear_o that_o they_o say_v true_a as_o namely_o that_o i_o be_v much_o worse_o than_o the_o rest_n and_o that_o since_o i_o have_v not_o keep_v the_o observance_n of_o that_o house_n which_o be_v maintain_v with_o so_o much_o piety_n and_o devotion_n there_o how_o can_v i_o come_v to_o think_v of_o perform_v another_o rule_n of_o more_o rigour_n and_o that_o this_o be_v but_o to_o raiseup_a novelty_n in_o the_o world_n and_o to_o scandalize_v the_o people_n but_o yet_o all_o this_o cause_v no_o tumult_n in_o my_o hart_n nor_o put_v i_o to_o any_o pain_n at_o all_o though_o yet_o i_o show_v to_o be_v in_o some_o lest_o otherwise_o they_o may_v conceive_v that_o i_o undervalue_v what_o they_o say_v but_o in_o fine_a the_o provincial_n command_v i_o to_o give_v account_n of_o myself_o to_o they_o of_o the_o former_a monastery_n and_o that_o i_o must_v necessary_o do_v it_o and_o so_o be_v at_o great_a peace_n within_o myself_o and_o our_o lord_n assist_v i_o therein_o i_o give_v such_o a_o discharge_n of_o my_o action_n as_o that_o neither_o the_o provincial_n nor_o the_o religious_a woman_n who_o be_v in_o that_o assembly_n find_v any_o thing_n for_o which_o to_o condemn_v i_o after_o this_o i_o speak_v more_o plain_o to_o he_o in_o private_a and_o i_o do_v it_o also_o more_o at_o large_a and_o he_o be_v very_o well_o satisfy_v with_o i_o and_o promise_v i_o that_o if_o the_o city_n shall_v proceed_v towards_o a_o be_v quiet_a again_o he_o will_v give_v i_o leave_v to_o go_v to_o my_o monastery_n but_o the_o disorder_n and_o distemper_n of_o the_o city_n be_v so_o very_o great_a as_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v within_o two_o or_o three_o day_n after_o that_o time_n the_o governor_n and_o other_o magistrate_n of_o the_o town_n and_o some_o also_o of_o the_o chapter_n of_o the_o cathedral_n church_n meet_v together_o and_o they_o all_o declare_v joint_o that_o by_o no_o mean_n they_o must_v permit_v the_o work_n to_o go_v forward_o that_o it_o will_v result_v to_o the_o evident_a disadvantage_n of_o the_o commonwealth_n that_o they_o must_v not_o fail_v to_o remove_v the_o b._n sacrament_n from_o thence_o and_o by_o no_o mean_n permit_v the_o business_n to_o proceed_v one_o only_o doctor_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n although_o he_o be_v of_o a_o contrary_a opinion_n to_o we_o i_o mean_v not_o in_o that_o point_n of_o the_o monastery_n but_o in_o that_o other_o of_o be_v incapable_a of_o revenue_n and_o poor_a say_v that_o there_o be_v no_o cause_n why_o the_o house_n shall_v instant_o be_v dissolve_v after_o that_o manner_n but_o that_o it_o ought_v to_o be_v well_o consider_v that_o there_o will_v be_v time_n enough_o for_o this_o that_o it_o be_v a_o case_n which_o belong_v to_o the_o bishop_n and_o diverse_a other_o thing_n of_o this_o kind_n which_o do_v very_o much_o good_a to_o the_o business_n for_o consider_v how_o great_a the_o fury_n of_o the_o people_n be_v it_o be_v happy_a that_o they_o do_v not_o put_v the_o dissolve_v of_o the_o house_n present_o in_o execution_n and_o this_o show_v that_o the_o thing_n in_o fine_a be_v to_o take_v effect_n and_o that_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o have_v it_o so_o and_o that_o they_o all_o can_v do_v little_a against_o his_o will_n and_o pleasure_n but_o yet_o they_o all_o assign_v their_o reason_n and_o express_v good_a zeal_n in_o what_o they_o say_v and_o yet_o thus_o without_o their_o give_a offence_n to_o almighty_a god_n they_o make_v both_o i_o and_o diverse_a other_o suffer_v who_o favour_v the_o business_n the_o tumultuous_a disposition_n of_o the_o people_n be_v so_o great_a that_o now_o there_o be_v no_o talk_n of_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o they_o all_o agree_v in_o condemn_v i_o and_o in_o go_v to_o complain_v of_o i_o to_o the_o provincial_n and_o to_o my_o monastery_n as_o for_o i_o i_o be_v no_o more_o trouble_v at_o what_o they_o say_v then_o if_o they_o have_v not_o say_v it_o but_o the_o only_o fear_v i_o have_v be_v whether_o or_o no_o they_o will_v dissolve_v the_o house_n for_o this_o put_v i_o to_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n and_o so_o also_o do_v it_o to_o see_v that_o the_o person_n who_o assist_v i_o lose_v credit_n and_o be_v otherwise_o also_o put_v to_o much_o inconvenience_n by_o it_o but_o as_o for_o that_o which_o they_o say_v of_o i_o i_o be_v rather_o glad_v of_o it_o than_o otherwise_o and_o if_o i_o have_v have_v any_o faith_n it_o will_v have_v make_v no_o alteration_n in_o i_o at_o all_o but_o when_o there_o be_v a_o want_n in_o some_o one_o virtue_n all_o the_o rest_n be_v wont_a to_o be_v cast_v into_o a_o kind_n of_o slumber_n and_o so_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v during_o those_o two_o day_n wherein_o the_o two_o assembly_n whereof_o i_o speak_v be_v make_v among_o the_o people_n and_o i_o be_v very_o much_o afflict_v our_o lord_n say_v these_o word_n to_o i_o do_v thou_o not_o know_v that_o i_o be_o powerful_a of_o what_o be_v thou_o afraid_a and_o thus_o do_v he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o house_n shall_v not_o be_v dissolve_v whereby_o i_o remain_v full_a of_o comfort_n but_o then_o do_v they_o dispatch_v their_o agent_n or_o sollicitour_n to_o the_o council_n royal_a with_o their_o information_n and_o so_o there_o come_v order_n from_o thencÄ—_n to_o send_v a_o relation_n thither_o of_o the_o whole_a proceed_n so_o that_o heet_n we_o may_v behold_v the_o beginning_n of_o a_o great_a suit_n in_o law_n for_o already_o some_o be_v go_v to_o the_o court_n on_o the_o part_n of_o the_o city_n &_o other_o be_v instant_o to_o go_v on_o the_o part_n of_o the_o monastery_n and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n neither_o have_v we_o any_o money_n nor_o do_v i_o know_v what_o to_o do_v but_o our_o lord_n provide_v all_o thing_n for_o us._n and_o as_o for_o i_o my_o father_n provincial_a do_v never_o forbid_v i_o to_o deal_v in_o it_o for_o he_o be_v so_o true_a a_o friend_n to_o all_o virtue_n that_o although_o he_o do_v not_o assist_v in_o the_o work_n yet_o he_o will_v not_o be_v against_o it_o though_o yet_o withal_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o he_o will_v never_o give_v i_o leave_v to_o pass_v to_o this_o new_a monastery_n till_o he_o may_v see_v what_o kind_n of_o end_n the_o business_n will_v have_v in_o the_o mean_a time_n the_o servant_n of_o god_n be_v all_o alone_a and_o do_v more_o with_o their_o prayer_n than_o all_o that_o which_o i_o be_v able_a to_o do_v by_o way_n of_o negotiation_n though_o yet_o still_o it_o be_v necessary_a to_o use_v diligence_n enough_o sometime_o it_o will_v seem_v that_o all_o be_v want_v and_o especial_o one_o day_n before_o the_o provincial_n come_v hither_o when_o the_o prioress_n command_v i_o not_o to_o treat_v any_o more_o about_o that_o business_n but_o to_o give_v it_o utter_o over_o but_o than_o go_v i_o to_o almighty_a god_n and_o say_v o_o my_o lord_n this_o house_n be_v not_o i_o but_o it_o be_v make_v for_o thou_o and_o now_o there_o be_v no_o creature_n to_o negotiate_v the_o business_n for_o we_o and_o therefore_o thy_o divine_a majesty_n must_v be_v please_v to_o do_v it_o heerupon_o i_o find_v myself_o real_o and_o instant_o at_o so_o great_a ease_n and_o so_o without_o any_o manner_n of_o trouble_n as_o if_o i_o have_v have_v the_o whole_a world_n on_o my_o side_n to_o employ_v itself_o for_o i_o and_o so_o i_o hold_v all_o the_o business_n to_o be_v in_o safety_n upon_o this_o a_o certain_a priest_n a_o very_a great_a servant_n of_o
which_o they_o who_o be_v good_a may_v well_o enjoy_v without_o any_o disadvantage_n to_o their_o goodness_n because_o they_o owe_v no_o more_o since_o they_o do_v not_o promise_n clausure_n but_o as_o for_o i_o who_o be_o wicked_v it_o will_v certain_o have_v carry_v i_o down_o to_o hell_n unless_o our_o lord_n have_v draw_v i_o out_o of_o this_o danger_n by_o very_a many_o remedy_n and_o mean_n and_o most_o particular_a favour_n and_o so_o i_o think_v a_o monastery_n of_o woman_n with_o liberty_n expose_v they_o to_o very_o great_a hazard_n and_o rather_o appear_v in_o my_o eye_n as_o a_o way_n whereby_o they_o who_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o be_v wicked_a may_v walk_v on_o towards_o hell_n then_o as_o a_o remedy_n for_o their_o weakness_n i_o mean_v not_o this_o by_o my_o monastery_n for_o therein_o be_v so_o many_o who_o serve_v our_o lord_n so_o much_o in_o earnest_n and_o with_o so_o great_a perfection_n that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n through_o his_o goodness_n can_v fail_v of_o do_v they_o favour_n neither_o be_v this_o monastery_n also_o of_o the_o most_o open_a and_o dis-enclosed_n and_o beside_o all_o good_a religious_a order_n be_v observe_v in_o it_o but_o i_o speak_v what_o i_o be_v speak_v of_o other_o which_o i_o know_v and_o have_v see_v i_o say_v therefore_o that_o those_o other_o give_v i_o cause_n to_o have_v great_a compassion_n of_o they_o for_o they_o have_v need_n of_o particular_a motion_n and_o call_v from_o our_o lord_n and_o not_o once_o but_o very_o often_o that_o so_o they_o may_v be_v save_v consider_v how_o much_o the_o honour_n and_o recreation_n of_o the_o world_n be_v now_o grow_v to_o be_v authorize_v and_o how_o little_a such_o as_o they_o be_v understand_v the_o very_a much_o to_o which_o they_o be_v oblige_v so_o that_o i_o beseech_v god_n they_o hold_v not_o that_o sometime_o for_o virtue_n which_o be_v sin_n as_o myself_o do_v often_o yea_o and_o there_o be_v so_o great_a difficulty_n in_o make_v this_o be_v well_o understand_v that_o there_o be_v need_n of_o no_o less_o then_o that_o our_o bless_a lord_n himself_o shall_v serious_o put_v his_o hand_n to_o the_o work_n if_o father_n will_v take_v my_o counsel_n since_o they_o will_v not_o procure_v to_o put_v their_o daughter_n where_o they_o may_v walk_v in_o the_o way_n of_o salvation_n but_o rather_o be_v in_o more_o danger_n than_o they_o shall_v perhaps_o have_v meet_v with_o in_o the_o world_n i_o will_v advise_v they_o at_o least_o to_o consider_v their_o own_o honour_n and_o rather_o to_o marry_v they_o very_o mean_o then_o to_o put_v they_o into_o such_o monastery_n as_o those_o unless_o they_o be_v very_o virtuous_o incline_v yea_o and_o i_o pray_v god_n that_o even_o this_o may_v serve_v the_o turn_n yea_o or_o else_o let_v they_o rather_o continue_v they_o in_o their_o own_o house_n for_o if_o they_o will_v needs_o be_v wicked_a it_o can_v be_v there_o keep_v private_a but_o for_o a_o very_a short_a time_n but_o here_o it_o may_v be_v long_o conceal_v though_o yet_o in_o the_o end_n our_o lord_n be_v ever_o wont_a to_o discover_v it_o and_o then_o they_o do_v not_o only_o hurt_v themselves_o but_o also_o the_o rest_n and_o sometime_o those_o poor_a creature_n have_v the_o less_o fault_n because_o they_o do_v but_o that_o which_o they_o find_v in_o use_n but_o still_o it_o be_v matter_n of_o much_o compassion_n to_o see_v many_o who_o have_v real_o a_o mind_n to_o forsake_v all_o and_o conceive_v that_o they_o go_v to_o serve_v our_o lord_n and_o to_o fly_v from_o the_o danger_n of_o this_o world_n do_v yet_o by_o this_o mean_n grow_v to_o embark_v themselves_o in_o ten_o world_n all_o together_o where_o they_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v or_o how_o to_o help_v themselves_o for_o youth_n and_o sensuality_n and_o in_o fine_a the_o devil_n both_o invite_v they_o and_o incline_v they_o to_o follow_v something_n which_o do_v altogether_o belong_v to_o a_o world_n and_o so_o in_o effect_n they_o come_v to_o hold_v they_o good_a i_o think_v in_o this_o they_o be_v like_o those_o miserable_a and_o wretched_a man_n the_o heretic_n who_o first_o make_v themselves_o blind_a and_o then_o give_v themselves_o to_o understand_v that_o those_o opinion_n which_o they_o follow_v be_v good_a and_o so_o they_o come_v to_o believe_v they_o to_o be_v true_a though_o yet_o indeed_o and_o upon_o the_o matter_n they_o believe_v they_o not_o for_o in_o their_o heart_n there_o be_v somewhat_o which_o tell_v they_o still_o that_o it_o be_v naught_o o_o great_a misery_n i_o say_v o_o extreme_a great_a misery_n of_o religious_a person_n and_o i_o speak_v not_o here_o of_o woman_n now_o more_o than_o of_o man_n where_o religious_a observance_n be_v not_o keep_v and_o where_o in_o one_o and_o the_o self_n same_o monastery_n two_o way_n be_v hold_v one_o of_o virtue_n and_o religious_a life_n and_o another_o which_o be_v utter_o in_o want_n thereof_o and_o where_o they_o all_o go_v as_o it_o be_v equal_o hand_n in_o hand_n or_o rather_o i_o say_v ill_o when_o i_o say_v equal_o for_o it_o use_v to_o happen_v so_o for_o our_o sin_n that_o the_o more_o imperfect_a make_v up_o the_o great_a number_n and_o so_o as_o they_o use_v to_o be_v more_o they_o use_v to_o be_v also_o more_o favour_v and_o true_a religious_a observance_n be_v wont_a to_o be_v so_o rare_a in_o those_o place_n that_o as_o well_o that_o religious_a man_n as_o that_o religious_a woman_n who_o shall_v have_v a_o mind_n to_o give_v themselves_o whole_o and_o in_o good_a earnest_n to_o follow_v their_o vocation_n and_o rule_n will_v have_v cause_n to_o be_v in_o more_o fear_n of_o the_o rest_n of_o the_o religious_a of_o their_o own_o house_n then_o of_o all_o the_o devil_n in_o hell_n yea_o and_o they_o will_v need_v to_o use_v more_o caution_n and_o dissimulation_n in_o speak_v of_o that_o intercourse_n and_o friendship_n which_o such_o person_n shall_v procure_v to_o hold_v with_o almighty_a god_n then_o of_o other_o inclination_n and_o friendship_n which_o the_o devil_n find_v mean_n sometime_o to_o bring_v into_o monastery_n i_o can_v therefore_o meet_v with_o no_o reason_n why_o we_o shall_v be_v amaze_v to_o see_v so_o many_o misery_n in_o the_o church_n since_o they_o who_o ought_v to_o be_v pattern_n for_o other_o that_o so_o all_o man_n may_v grow_v to_o be_v virtuous_a by_o their_o example_n have_v total_o blot_v out_o that_o work_v which_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o saint_n in_o old_a time_n leave_v register_v in_o our_o religious_a order_n and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o give_v such_o remedy_n to_o these_o mischief_n as_o he_o know_v best_o to_o be_v needful_a amen_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n when_o i_o begin_v to_o use_v such_o conversation_n as_o these_o i_o little_o think_v that_o so_o great_a distraction_n and_o other_o damage_n will_v grow_v to_o my_o soul_n by_o that_o kind_n of_o proceed_v when_o i_o see_v they_o be_v so_o much_o use_v by_o other_o and_o i_o conceive_v that_o so_o general_a a_o thing_n as_o it_o be_v for_o secular_a people_n to_o make_v visit_n to_o the_o religious_a in_o many_o monastery_n will_v be_v of_o no_o great_a prejudice_n to_o i_o than_o it_o be_v to_o other_o who_o i_o see_v to_o be_v virtuous_a and_o good_a but_o i_o consider_v not_o the_o while_n that_o those_o other_o be_v much_o more_o virtuous_a than_o myself_o and_o that_o those_o thing_n which_o be_v of_o much_o danger_n to_o i_o be_v not_o perhaps_o of_o so_o very_a much_o to_o they_o though_o yet_o i_o fear_v it_o be_v of_o some_o and_o at_o the_o best_a hand_n i_o be_o sure_a enough_o that_o it_o be_v no_o better_o than_o time_n very_o ill_o employ_v and_o spend_v and_o be_v once_o with_o a_o certain_a person_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o to_o understand_v in_o the_o very_a beginning_n of_o my_o acquaintance_n with_o she_o that_o such_o friendship_n will_v be_v no_o way_n convenient_a for_o i_o and_o to_o give_v i_o also_o advise_v and_o light_n in_o so_o great_a a_o darkness_n as_o that_o be_v for_o christ_n our_o lord_n represent_v himself_o before_o i_o with_o much_o rigour_n and_o give_v i_o well_o to_o understand_v how_o great_o he_o be_v disgu_v at_o my_o proceed_n i_o see_v he_o only_o with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n but_o yet_o much_o more_o distinct_o and_o more_o clear_o than_o i_o can_v possible_o have_v do_v with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o body_n and_o he_o remain_v so_o deep_o imprint_v there_o that_o although_o it_o happen_v to_o i_o above_o six_o and_o twenty_o year_n ago_o i_o think_v he_o be_v still_o as_o present_v to_o i_o now_o as_o he_o be_v then_o but_o i_o be_o sure_a
so_o hard_o that_o his_o affliction_n be_v very_o great_a i_o tell_v he_o once_o upon_o this_o occasion_n that_o since_o he_o have_v be_v so_o devote_a to_o that_o mystery_n when_o our_o lord_n carry_v his_o cross_n upon_o his_o back_n he_o may_v do_v well_o to_o conceive_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v he_o a_o feeling_n of_o some_o part_n of_o that_o which_o himself_o have_v undergo_v with_o so_o much_o trouble_v and_o my_o father_n be_v so_o comfort_v by_o this_o thought_n that_o i_o remember_v he_o not_o to_o have_v ever_o complain_v more_o he_o remain_v three_o day_n with_o very_o little_a show_n of_o understanding_n but_o yet_o the_o day_n whereon_o he_o die_v our_o lord_n restore_v it_o to_o he_o &_o that_o so_o entire_o as_o we_o be_v all_o even_o amaze_v to_o see_v it_o and_o he_o continue_v in_o it_o say_v the_o creed_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o he_o have_v pass_v through_o the_o first_o part_n thereof_o he_o expire_v when_o he_o be_v dead_a he_o look_v even_o like_o a_o angel_n and_o as_o such_o in_o manner_n of_o speech_n he_o ever_o seem_v in_o my_o sight_n to_o be_v both_o in_o soul_n and_o disposition_n or_o humour_n which_o he_o have_v extreme_o good_a nor_o do_v i_o know_v why_o i_o have_v speak_v thus_o much_o of_o he_o unless_o it_o be_v to_o confess_v and_o accuse_v my_o own_o wickedness_n so_o much_o the_o more_o since_o upon_o the_o sight_n of_o such_o a_o death_n and_o the_o knowledge_n of_o such_o a_o life_n i_o ought_v to_o have_v amend_v and_o reform_v i_o if_o it_o have_v be_v but_o to_o grow_v the_o like_a to_o such_o a_o father_n his_o confessarius_fw-la who_o be_v a_o dominican_n and_o a_o great_a learned_a man_n affirm_v that_o he_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o that_o my_o father_n will_v go_v straight_o to_o heaven_n for_o he_o who_o have_v confess_v he_o diverse_a year_n speak_v much_o of_o the_o great_a purity_n of_o his_o conscience_n this_o dominican_n father_n be_v a_o very_a worthy_a man_n and_o a_o true_a servant_n of_o god_n do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a for_o i_o confess_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o he_o undertake_v the_o profit_n of_o my_o soul_n with_o care_n and_o to_o make_v i_o well_o understand_v the_o way_n of_o perdition_n wherein_o i_o be_v walk_v he_o cause_v i_o also_o to_o communicate_v every_o fifteen_o day_n and_o begin_v first_o to_o treat_v with_o he_o by_o little_a and_o little_a i_o speak_v with_o he_o afterward_o at_o length_n about_o my_o prayer_n and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v not_o fail_v to_o use_v it_o and_o that_o it_o can_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n but_o do_v i_o good_a i_o begin_v therefore_o to_o use_v it_o again_o and_o from_o that_o time_n forward_o i_o never_o leave_v it_o though_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o for_o the_o present_a give-ove_a the_o occasion_n of_o my_o imperfection_n i_o therefore_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n pass_v a_o most_o sad_a life_n for_o in_o prayer_n i_o come_v to_o understand_v my_o fault_n on_o the_o one_o side_n i_o be_v call_v by_o almighty_a god_n and_o on_o the_o other_o i_o follow_v the_o world_n all_o those_o thing_n which_o belong_v to_o god_n give_v i_o great_a contentment_n but_o those_o thing_n which_o be_v of_o the_o world_n tie_v i_o up_o in_o chain_n and_o it_o seem_v i_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o make_v these_o two_o contraries_n friend_n which_o yet_o be_v so_o much_o in_o enmity_n with_o one_o another_o namely_o a_o spiritual_a life_n on_o the_o one_o side_n and_o sensual_a pastime_n contentment_n and_o delight_n on_o the_o other_o in_o my_o prayer_n i_o endure_v much_o trouble_n because_o now_o my_o spirit_n be_v grow_v to_o be_v no_o long_o a_o lord_n but_o a_o slave_n and_o therefore_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o shut_v myself_o up_o in_o my_o hart_n which_o be_v the_o only_o way_n of_o proceed_v i_o former_o have_v hold_v in_o my_o use_n of_o prayer_n without_o shut_v up_o a_o thousand_o vanity_n together_o with_o myself_o i_o pass_v so_o many_o year_n in_o this_o manner_n that_o now_o i_o be_o astonish_v to_o consider_v that_o any_o person_n shall_v be_v able_a to_o endure_v the_o not_o leave_v either_o the_o one_o or_o the_o other_o in_o so_o long_a a_o time_n i_o well_o know_v that_o now_o it_o be_v no_o long_o in_o my_o hand_n to_o give_v over_o mental_a prayer_n for_o he_o hold_v i_o now_o in_o his_o who_o resolve_v to_o do_v i_o great_a favour_n o_o that_o i_o can_v declare_v the_o occasion_n of_o do_v ill_a which_o god_n remove_v from_o i_o in_o those_o year_n and_o how_o i_o put_v myself_o again_o into_o they_o and_o of_o the_o danger_n wherein_o i_o be_v to_o loose_v all_o the_o opinion_n and_o reputation_n which_o i_o have_v in_o the_o world_n from_o which_o he_o free_v i_o and_o of_o the_o haste_n which_o i_o make_v to_o discover_v by_o my_o action_n what_o kind_n of_o creature_n i_o be_v and_o the_o haste_n which_o our_o lord_n make_v also_o to_o cover_v these_o fault_n and_o to_o discover_v some_o little_a virtue_n of_o i_o if_o there_o be_v any_o and_o to_o make_v the_o same_o seem_v great_a in_o the_o eye_n of_o all_o man_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o they_o ever_o hold_v i_o in_o much_o account_n for_o though_o sometime_o my_o vanity_n will_v shine_v through_o my_o action_n yet_o they_o see_v other_o thing_n in_o i_o which_o appear_v good_a will_v not_o believe_v the_o ill_a but_o the_o true_a cause_n hereof_o be_v that_o the_o knower_n of_o all_o thing_n see_v that_o this_o be_v fit_a to_o be_v so_o ordain_v to_o the_o end_n that_o when_o afterward_o i_o shall_v come_v to_o persuade_v the_o world_n to_o do_v he_o service_n they_o may_v give_v i_o some_o little_a credit_n therein_o and_o that_o sovereign_a bounty_n of_o god_n do_v not_o so_o much_o consider_v my_o great_a sin_n as_o it_o do_v those_o desire_n which_o i_o have_v sometime_o to_o serve_v he_o and_o the_o great_a trouble_n i_o feel_v in_o myself_o for_o want_v power_n and_o strength_n to_o put_v the_o same_o in_o execution_n but_o o_o thou_o lord_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o how_o shall_v i_o ever_o be_v able_a to_o express_v with_o fullness_n and_o clearness_n enough_o the_o favour_n which_o thou_o show_v i_o in_o those_o year_n and_o how_o in_o that_o very_a time_n when_o i_o be_v offend_v thou_o most_o thou_o make_v such_o haste_n to_o dispose_v my_o soul_n to_o a_o most_o profound_a remorse_n and_o sorrow_n that_o so_o i_o may_v come_v to_o taste_v of_o thy_o regalo_n and_o great_a favour_n again_o the_o truth_n be_v o_o my_o king_n that_o thou_o do_v use_v the_o most_o curious_a and_o choice_a kind_n of_o sharp_a punishment_n which_o can_v possible_o to_o my_o think_n be_v find_v for_o i_o as_o one_o who_o do_v well_o understand_v what_o be_v likely_a to_o cost_v i_o the_o dear_a of_o all_o other_o thing_n for_o thou_o do_v punish_v those_o sin_n of_o i_o with_o great_a regalo_n and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v no_o impertinency_n which_o i_o utter_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o reason_n that_o i_o shall_v now_o 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be_v few_o for_o my_o offence_n which_o be_v so_o many_o and_o so_o very_o great_a but_o now_o to_o see_v myself_o receive_v so_o fresh_o so_o high_a favour_n while_o yet_o the_o while_n i_o make_v so_o ill_a retribution_n for_o those_o which_o i_o have_v receive_v before_o be_v in_o my_o account_n a_o kind_n of_o most_o terrible_a torment_n and_o i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v esteem_v so_o by_o all_o such_o as_o have_v any_o knowledge_n or_o love_n of_o god_n and_o we_o may_v easy_o find_v this_o to_o be_v true_a even_o by_o the_o natural_a condition_n of_o person_n
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to_o be_v direct_o present_a otherwise_o and_o thus_o i_o continue_v with_o some_o trouble_n but_o at_o length_n a_o great_a learned_a man_n of_o the_o order_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n dominick_n free_v i_o from_o this_o doubt_n and_o tell_v i_o not_o only_o that_o he_o be_v present_a but_o that_o he_o also_o communicate_v himself_o to_o we_o which_o comfort_v i_o very_o much_o but_o now_o it_o be_v here_o to_o be_v note_v and_o understand_v that_o this_o celestial_a water_n be_v always_o a_o most_o eminent_a favour_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o give_v the_o soul_n excessive_o great_a advantage_n as_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v the_o nineteen_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n and_o begin_v to_o declare_v the_o effect_n which_o this_o degree_n of_o prayer_n work_n in_o the_o soul_n she_o persuade_v man_n earnest_o not_o to_o turn_v back_o nor_o to_o give-ove_a their_o prayer_n though_o they_o shall_v happen_v to_o fall_v even_o after_o they_o have_v receive_v these_o favour_n she_o speak_v of_o the_o great_a harm_n which_o will_v arrive_v to_o they_o if_o they_o do_v otherwise_o this_o discourse_n be_v much_o to_o be_v note_v and_o it_o be_v of_o great_a consolation_n for_o weak_a person_n and_o sinner_n the_o soul_n do_v in_o this_o prayer_n and_o union_n remain_v with_o a_o excessive_a kind_n of_o tenderness_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o she_o will_v feign_v even_o defeat_v and_o dissolve_v herself_o not_o through_o pain_n or_o trouble_v but_o by_o abundance_n of_o tear_n of_o joy_n wherein_o she_o be_v bathe_v without_o so_o much_o as_o feel_v or_o know_v how_o or_o when_o she_o weep_v they_o it_o give_v she_o a_o great_a delight_n to_o find_v the_o impetuous_a force_n of_o that_o fire_n appease_v and_o allay_v by_o water_n which_o yet_o make_v it_o increase_v so_o much_o the_o more_o this_o language_n of_o i_o may_v seem_v to_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o gibberish_n but_o yet_o thus_o stand_v the_o case_n it_o have_v happen_v to_o i_o sometime_o when_o i_o be_v in_o this_o part_n of_o this_o prayer_n to_o be_v so_o prayer_n whole_o out_o of_o myself_o as_o that_o i_o know_v not_o whether_o i_o be_v awake_a or_o asleep_o or_o whither_o in_o very_a deed_n i_o have_v be_v in_o that_o glory_n which_o i_o feel_v and_o whether_o it_o be_v true_a that_o i_o be_v indeed_o so_o all_o bathe_v in_o water_n which_o distil_v with_o such_o force_n and_o speed_n from_o my_o eye_n that_o it_o seem_v as_o if_o a_o very_a cloud_n of_o heaven_n have_v rain_v it_o down_o but_o in_o fine_a i_o find_v that_o it_o be_v no_o dream_n this_o happen_v to_o be_v in_o the_o beginning_n of_o this_o prayer_n and_o it_o pass_v quick_o over_o but_o the_o soul_n remain_v so_o courageous_a thereby_o that_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o she_o to_o be_v cut_v into_o a_o thousand_o piece_n for_o god_n sake_n it_o will_v be_v of_o extreme_a consolation_n to_o she_o and_o now_o here_o come_v in_o all_o her_o promise_n her_o heroical_a resolution_n the_o livelie_a efficacy_n of_o her_o desire_n her_o beginning_n to_o abhor_v the_o world_n her_o clear_o discern_v she_o own_o vanity_n and_o all_o this_o much_o more_o perfect_o and_o more_o high_o than_o it_o happen_v in_o any_o of_o her_o former_a prayer_n her_o humility_n be_v also_o grow_v much_o strong_a for_o now_o she_o very_o clear_o discern_v that_o no_o diligence_n at_o all_o of_o her_o own_o be_v any_o piece_n of_o a_o cause_n for_o bring_v she_o that_o excessive_a and_o incomparable_a favour_n nor_o for_o make_v she_o enjoy_v the_o same_o she_o see_v now_o clear_o that_o she_o be_v a_o most_o unworthy_a creature_n for_o in_o any_o room_n where_o there_o enter_v a_o strong_a and_o clear_a sunbeam_n there_o be_v not_o the_o least_o and_o thin_a cobweb_n which_o can_v lie_v hide_v she_o now_o look_v very_o clear_o upon_o her_o own_o misery_n and_o now_o she_o be_v so_o very_o free_a from_o vainglory_n that_o it_o seem_v a_o kind_n of_o impossible_a thing_n for_o she_o to_o have_v any_o because_o now_o already_o she_o have_v it_o even_o in_o her_o very_a eye_n how_o little_a she_o be_v able_a to_o perform_v or_o rather_o in_o very_a deed_n that_o it_o be_v just_o nothing_o at_o all_o and_o that_o in_o this_o case_n there_o be_v hardly_o so_o much_o as_o any_o consent_n of_o she_o but_o that_o it_o seem_v that_o even_o whether_o she_o will_v or_o no_o they_o shut_v the_o gate_n of_o all_o her_o sense_n up_o to_o the_o end_n that_o she_o may_v so_o the_o better_a enjoy_v her_o lord_n and_o that_o now_o since_o she_o remain_v all_o alone_a with_o he_o what_o can_v she_o have_v to_o do_v but_o to_o love_v he_o she_o neither_o can_v see_v nor_o hear_v unless_o she_o be_v make_v to_o do_v so_o as_o it_o be_v by_o very_o strong_a hand_n and_o therefore_o there_o be_v little_a for_o which_o to_o thank_v she_o her_o former_a life_n grow_v then_o to_o be_v represent_v to_o she_o with_o perfect_a truth_n together_o with_o the_o great_a mercy_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o all_o this_o occurr_n to_o she_o without_o any_o necessity_n at_o all_o that_o her_o understanding_n shall_v now_o go_v hunt_v after_o it_o for_o there_o do_v she_o already_o find_v all_o this_o kind_n of_o food_n ready_a dress_v for_o she_o to_o understand_v and_o eat_v of_o herself_o she_o see_v very_o well_o that_o she_o deserve_v hellfire_n and_o that_o now_o in_o stead_n thereof_o they_o give_v she_o no_o other_o punishment_n than_o glory_n and_o therefore_o she_o do_v now_o even_o consume_v herself_o in_o the_o praise_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o now_o will_v i_o be_v glad_a even_o to_o consume_v myself_o so_o bless_a be_v thou_o o_o
for_o so_o many_o foul_a treason_n as_o i_o have_v commit_v against_o thou_o by_o these_o few_o poor_a little_a tear_n of_o i_o which_o yet_o be_v give_v i_o by_o thyself_o and_o which_o real_o for_o my_o part_n thereof_o be_v but_o as_o so_o much_o water_n of_o a_o stinke_v well_o for_o still_o i_o be_o commit_v sin_n &_o procure_v to_o frustrate_v &_o even_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v the_o favour_n which_o thou_o have_v do_v i_o but_o be_v thou_o please_v o_o my_o dear_a lord_n to_o give_v value_n to_o these_o poor_a tear_n and_o do_v thou_o purifye_v this_o so_o trouble_a water_n of_o my_o soul_n though_o it_o shall_v be_v for_o no_o other_o reason_n then_o only_o to_o keep_v man_n free_a from_o the_o temptation_n of_o make_v rash_a judgement_n as_o for_o my_o part_n i_o have_v be_v subject_a to_o this_o thought_n why_o o_o lord_n do_v thou_o pass_v over_o those_o other_o holy_a people_n who_o have_v always_o serve_v and_o suffer_v for_o thou_o and_o have_v be_v bred-up_a in_o the_o way_n of_o a_o religious_a life_n and_o be_v indeed_o true_o religious_a and_o not_o like_o i_o who_o have_v no_o more_o thereof_o than_o the_o name_n and_o yet_o i_o clear_o see_v that_o thou_o do_v they_o not_o those_o favour_n which_o thou_o have_v do_v i_o but_o yet_o here_o i_o discern_v very_o well_o o_o thou_o my_o eternal_a good_a that_o thou_o keep_v their_o reward_n in_o store_n that_o so_o thou_o may_v give_v it_o they_o all_o together_o and_o that_o my_o weakness_n be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o have_v need_v to_o be_v proceed_v with_o thus_o whereas_o they_o like_o gallant_a person_n be_v content_a to_o serve_v thou_o still_o without_o these_o help_n and_o so_o thou_o treat_a they_o as_o valiant_a people_n who_o have_v no_o interest_n of_o their_o own_o but_o yet_o i_o with_o all_o this_o o_o my_o lord_n cryed-out_a many_o time_n before_o thou_o excuse_v they_o who_o murmur_v against_o i_o because_o i_o think_v they_o have_v too_o much_o reason_n for_o what_o they_o say_v but_o this_o occur_v to_o i_o o_o lord_n when_o already_o through_o thy_o goodness_n thou_o withheldst_a i_o from_o offend_v thou_o so_o high_o any_o more_o and_o when_o i_o go_v divert_v myself_o from_o all_o that_o which_o i_o think_v may_v displease_v thou_o for_o when_o once_o i_o begin_v to_o do_v but_o thus_o much_o thou_o also_o do_v begin_v to_o open_v thy_o treasure_n towards_o this_o servant_n of_o thou_o and_o it_o seem_v thou_o do_v expect_v nothing_o else_o but_o only_o that_o there_o may_v be_v a_o inclination_n in_o i_o to_o receive_v they_o so_o quick_o do_v thou_o begin_v not_o only_o to_o bestow_v they_o but_o to_o be_v please_v that_o the_o world_n shall_v understand_v it_o when_o this_o be_v once_o perceive_v some_o begin_v to_o hold_v a_o good_a opinion_n of_o i_o though_o all_o have_v not_o yet_o know_v well_o how_o ill_o i_o be_v and_o that_o much_o of_o it_o do_v then_o half_o appear_v but_o then_o do_v detraction_n and_o persecution_n begin_v at_o a_o clapp_n and_o in_o my_o opinion_n not_o without_o much_o cause_n and_o therefore_o i_o undertake_v no_o enmity_n against_o any_o creature_n but_o only_o beseech_v thy_o divine_a majesty_n to_o consider_v what_o little_a reason_n they_o have_v they_o say_v that_o i_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o make_v myself_o a_o saint_n and_o that_o i_o invent_v certain_a novelty_n though_o i_o have_v not_o arrive_v yet_o by_o a_o great_a deal_n to_o fulfil_v all_o my_o own_o rule_n nor_o overtake_v in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n those_o many_o good_a and_o holy_a religious_a woman_n who_o be_v in_o that_o monastery_n nor_o do_v i_o think_v indeed_o that_o i_o shall_v ever_o arrive_v so_o far_o unless_o almighty_a god_n through_o his_o goodness_n will_v be_v please_v to_o perform_v it_o all_o on_o his_o part_n but_o rather_o that_o i_o be_v likely_a to_o abolish_v that_o which_o be_v good_a and_o to_o establish_v certain_a custom_n which_o be_v not_o so_o at_o least_o i_o do_v what_o i_o can_v to_o introduce_v they_o and_o i_o have_v always_o power_n enough_o to_o do_v hurt_v so_o that_o they_o blame_v i_o without_o any_o fault_n of_o they_o nor_o do_v i_o say_v that_o they_o be_v only_o religious_a woman_n but_o other_o also_o who_o tell_v i_o truth_n because_o it_o be_v permit_v by_o thou_o when_o once_o i_o be_v say_v my_o office_n i_o who_o have_v sometime_o be_v subject_a to_o this_o temptation_n come_v to_o this_o verse_n justus_n es_fw-la domine_fw-la &_o rectum_fw-la iudicium_fw-la tuum_fw-la thou_o be_v just_a o_o lord_n and_o thy_o judgement_n be_v right_a and_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v how_o true_a this_o be_v for_o in_o this_o kind_n the_o devil_n have_v never_o power_n to_o tempt_v i_o so_o far_o as_o to_o make_v i_o doubt_v but_o that_o thou_o o_o lord_n be_v the_o owner_n and_o author_n of_o all_o goodness_n no_o nor_o yet_o in_o any_o thing_n at_o all_o which_o belong_v to_o faith_n nay_o rather_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o the_o more_o they_o be_v above_o nature_n the_o more_o firm_o do_v i_o believe_v they_o yea_o and_o they_o cause_v even_o more_o devotion_n in_o i_o and_o in_o regard_n that_o thou_o be_v omnipotent_a all_o such_o greatness_n as_o thou_o shall_v be_v please_v to_o act_v and_o execute_v be_v resolve_v upon_o and_o conclude_v in_o i_o and_o of_o this_o as_o i_o be_v say_v i_o never_o have_v doubt_n so_o that_o when_o i_o come_v afterward_o to_o consider_v how_o thou_o can_v permit_v that_o there_o shall_v be_v so_o many_o dear_a servant_n of_o thou_o as_o i_o be_v say_v who_o yet_o receive_v not_o those_o favour_n and_o regalos_n which_o thou_o be_v please_v to_o vouchsafe_v i_o i_o be_v so_o miserable_a a_o creature_n as_o i_o be_v thou_o answer_v i_o thus_o o_o lord_n do_v thou_o serve_v i_o and_o do_v not_o trouble_v thyself_o with_o that_o now_o this_o be_v the_o very_a first_o word_n of_o that_o kind_n which_o ever_o i_o perceive_v thou_o to_o speak_v to_o i_o and_o therefore_o it_o amaze_v i_o much_o and_o i_o will_v hereafter_o declare_v this_o manner_n of_o understand_v thing_n together_o with_o diverse_a other_o i_o speak_v not_o of_o it_o here_o for_o it_o be_v to_o go_v from_o the_o purpose_n and_o i_o believe_v i_o have_v go_v from_o it_o already_o and_o in_o effect_n i_o scarce_o know_v what_o i_o have_v say_v nor_o can_v it_o indeed_o well_o be_v otherwise_o but_o your_o reverence_n must_v needs_o bear_v with_o these_o interual_n and_o interruption_n for_o when_o i_o once_o consider_v how_o much_o god_n endure_v at_o my_o hand_n and_o withal_o behold_v myself_o in_o this_o condition_n it_o be_v not_o to_o go_v for_o a_o strange_a thing_n that_o i_o lose_v my_o aim_n both_o in_o that_o which_o i_o say_v and_o be_o to_o say_v and_o i_o beseech_v our_o lord_n that_o all_o my_o impertinency_n and_o roaving_n may_v always_o be_v of_o this_o kind_n and_o that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n may_v not_o permit_v that_o i_o may_v ever_o vary_v one_o hair_n breadth_n from_o he_o but_o rather_o that_o i_o may_v be_v consume_v even_o in_o this_o moment_n for_o it_o may_v well_o be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o to_o have_v observe_v and_o discern_v his_o great_a mercy_n not_o once_o but_o often_o in_o that_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o pardon_v so_o great_a a_o ingratitude_n as_o i_o he_o pardon_v s._n peter_n once_o but_o i_o often_o so_o that_o the_o devil_n have_v some_o kind_n of_o reason_n to_o tempt_v i_o as_o hope_v that_o i_o will_v not_o pretend_v to_o hold_v straight_a friendship_n with_o one_o with_o who_o i_o have_v be_v in_o so_o public_a enmity_n but_o how_o great_a o_o lord_n be_v this_o blindness_n of_o i_o for_o where_o can_v i_o ever_o think_v o_o my_o lord_n to_o find_v any_o remedy_n but_o by_o thou_o what_o a_o senseless_a kind_n of_o folly_n be_v it_o for_o i_o to_o fly_v from_o the_o light_n that_o so_o i_o may_v for_o ever_o go_v stumbling-on_a in_o the_o dark_a what_o a_o foolish_a kind_n of_o proud_a humility_n be_v that_o which_o the_o devil_n invent_v for_o i_o when_o he_o persuade_v i_o to_o depart_v from_o lean_v against_o that_o staff_n and_o pillar_n prayer_n which_o may_v support_v i_o that_o so_o my_o fall_n may_v not_o be_v so_o great_a at_o this_o instant_n do_v i_o bless_v myself_o with_o the_o cross_n for_o i_o think_v i_o never_o pass_v a_o danger_n so_o very_o hazardous_a in_o my_o whole_a life_n as_o this_o invention_n be_v which_o the_o devil_n have_v a_o mind_n to_o teach_v i_o by_o way_n of_o humility_n for_o he_o put_v it_o into_o my_o conceit_n to_o think_v how_o it_o can_v be_v possible_a that_o so_o wicked_a a_o thing_n as_o
the_o very_a first_o by_o experience_n which_o be_v indeed_o the_o only_o thing_n whereof_o i_o have_v need_v at_o that_o time_n for_o then_o i_o can_v not_o give_v myself_o so_o well_o to_o be_v understand_v as_o now_o i_o can_v at_o least_o not_o so_o far_o as_o to_o express_v it_o home_o for_o since_o that_o time_n it_o have_v please_v our_o lord_n to_o enable_v i_o to_o understand_v and_o to_o declare_v to_o i_o the_o favour_n which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n do_v i_o but_o former_o it_o be_v necessary_a enough_o for_o i_o to_o find_v a_o person_n who_o have_v pass_v through_o the_o same_o thing_n by_o experience_n if_o i_o will_v hope_v that_o he_o shall_v perfect_o understand_v i_o and_o declare_v to_o i_o what_o every_o thing_n be_v now_o this_o father_n give_v i_o very_o great_a light_n for_o i_o can_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n understand_v what_o that_o can_v be_v which_o concern_v those_o vision_n which_o be_v not_o imaginary_a or_o represent_v by_o the_o imagination_n and_o i_o think_v also_o that_o i_o understand_v as_o little_a of_o those_o other_o which_o i_o see_v with_o the_o only_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n for_o as_o i_o have_v say_v before_o those_o only_a which_o be_v visible_a by_o our_o corporeal_a eye_n seem_v to_o i_o to_o be_v indeed_o of_o importance_n and_o of_o these_o i_o have_v receive_v none_o at_o all_o but_o now_o this_o holy_a man_n give_v i_o light_n in_o all_o and_o declare_v it_o to_o i_o and_o require_v i_o not_o to_o be_v trouble_v any_o long_o but_o that_o i_o shall_v bless_v and_o praise_v almighty_a god_n and_o that_o i_o be_v to_o be_v very_o sure_a that_o these_o be_v true_a effect_n of_o his_o spirit_n and_o that_o although_o it_o be_v no_o article_n of_o faith_n yet_o nothing_o can_v be_v more_o certain_o true_a nor_o which_o i_o may_v more_o firm_o believe_v and_o he_o comfort_v himself_o very_o much_o with_o i_o and_o show_v i_o all_o courtesy_n and_o favour_n and_o ever_o after_o he_o have_v great_a care_n of_o i_o and_o he_o communicate_v diverse_a of_o his_o affair_n and_o business_n with_o i_o and_o find_v that_o i_o have_v the_o selfsame_a desire_n of_o those_o thing_n which_o he_o have_v already_o put_v in_o practice_n for_o indeed_o in_o as_o much_o as_o concern_v desire_n our_o lord_n have_v give_v they_o to_o i_o with_o great_a resolution_n and_o find_v also_o that_o i_o be_v so_o full_a of_o courage_n in_o order_n to_o that_o end_n he_o take_v particular_a contentment_n to_o treat_v with_o i_o for_o whensoever_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o bring_v one_o to_o this_o state_n there_o be_v truth_n no_o joy_n or_o comfort_n which_o can_v be_v equal_a to_o the_o meeting_n with_o some_o such_o other_o person_n as_o to_o who_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o vouchsafe_v some_o beginning_n thereof_o for_o then_o perhaps_o i_o have_v not_o much_o more_o than_o a_o beginning_n by_o what_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o conceive_v and_o i_o beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n that_o i_o have_v it_o vet_n but_o as_o for_o he_o he_o have_v extraordinary_a compassion_n of_o i_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o one_o of_o the_o very_o great_a affliction_n of_o this_o life_n be_v that_o which_o i_o have_v endure_v namely_o the_o opposition_n and_o contradiction_n of_o good_a man_n and_o that_o still_o i_o will_v be_v a_o little_a obnoxious_a in_o the_o same_o kind_n because_o i_o must_v ever_o be_v in_o need_n of_o help_n and_o that_o he_o fear_v there_o be_v no_o body_n in_o that_o city_n who_o will_v understand_v i_o but_o that_o he_o will_v speak_v with_o my_o ghostly_a father_n &_o to_o one_o also_o of_o those_o other_o who_o be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o most_o discomfort_n which_o be_v that_o marry_v cavallier_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o for_o he_o as_o be_v a_o person_n who_o love_v i_o perhaps_o more_o than_o the_o rest_n do_v continual_o make_v war_n upon_o i_o and_o he_o be_v a_o man_n of_o a_o tender_a and_o holy_a soul_n and_o consider_v how_o late_o before_o he_o have_v find_v how_o wicked_a i_o be_v he_o know_v not_o how_o to_o make_v himself_o sure_a that_o all_o be_v right_a but_o now_o the_o holle_fw-ge man_n fray_n pedro_n grow_v to_o talk_v with_o those_o two_o person_n afforesayd_a and_o he_o show_v they_o cause_n and_o reason_n why_o they_o shall_v both_o quiet_a and_o assure_v themselves_o and_o disturb_v i_o no_o more_o as_o for_o my_o ghostly_a father_n there_o be_v no_o very_a great_a need_n of_o much_o diligence_n but_o as_o for_o the_o cavalier_n it_o suffice_v not_o for_o he_o to_o hear_v what_o fray_n pedro_n say_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v a_o mean_n to_o keep_v he_o from_o fright_v i_o so_o very_o much_o as_o he_o have_v do_v before_o but_o then_o we_o resolve_v together_o that_o i_o shall_v write_v to_o fray_n pedro_n of_o all_o that_o which_o may_v succeed_v to_o i_o afterward_o and_o to_o recommend_v one_o another_o much_o to_o almighty_a god_n for_o so_o great_a be_v his_o humility_n as_o to_o make_v some_o little_a account_n of_o the_o prayer_n of_o this_o miserable_a creature_n which_o give_v i_o confusion_n enough_o but_o he_o leave_v i_o with_o extreme_a comfort_n and_o gust_n and_o direct_v i_o to_o proceed_v secure_o on_o with_o my_o prayer_n and_o to_o make_v no_o doubt_n at_o all_o but_o that_o it_o be_v of_o almighty_a god_n and_o that_o whensoever_o i_o may_v be_v in_o any_o doubt_n for_o my_o own_o great_a security_n i_o shall_v impart_v whatsoever_o occur_v to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n and_o that_o then_o i_o shall_v hold_v myself_o for_o safe_a but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o all_o this_o counsel_n i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o be_v entire_o secure_a because_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o guide_v i_o still_o by_o the_o way_n of_o fear_n which_o sometime_o make_v i_o apt_a to_o doubt_v that_o the_o devil_n have_v a_o hand_n in_o the_o business_n whensoever_o they_o will_v needs_o tell_v i_o that_o it_o be_v so_o and_o thus_o indeed_o upon_o the_o whole_a matter_n no_o creature_n be_v able_a to_o give_v i_o either_o so_o much_o security_n or_o so_o much_o fear_n as_o to_o make_v i_o yield_v more_o credit_n to_o either_o of_o they_o than_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o infuse_v into_o my_o soul_n so_o that_o howsoever_o this_o holy_a man_n do_v help_v i_o both_o to_o quiet_a and_o comfort_n yet_o do_v i_o not_o so_o entire_o believe_v he_o as_o to_o remain_v without_o any_o fear_n at_o all_o especial_o when_o our_o lord_n come_v sometime_o to_o leave_v i_o in_o certain_a trouble_n of_o mind_n which_o i_o shall_v instant_o relate_v yet_o howsoever_o as_o i_o be_v say_v my_o comfort_n be_v then_o much_o increase_v but_o i_o can_v not_o then_o satisfy_v myself_o with_o give_v humble_a thanks_n enough_o to_o almighty_a god_n and_o to_o that_o glorious_a father_n of_o i_o s._n joseph_n who_o as_o i_o be_v apt_a to_o think_v have_v bring_v fray_n pedro_n thither_o for_o he_o be_v commissarie_n general_n of_o the_o custodia_fw-la of_o s._n joseph_n to_o who_o as_o also_o to_o our_o b._n lady_n i_o use_v to_o recommend_v myself_o much_o now_o it_o have_v happen_v to_o i_o former_o sometime_o yea_o and_o so_o it_o do_v also_o yet_o though_o not_o so_o often_o to_o find_v myself_o in_o so_o excessive_a trouble_n and_o affliction_n of_o mind_n together_o with_o fierce_a infirmity_n affliction_n and_o torment_n of_o body_n that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o at_o other_o time_n i_o have_v be_v subject_a to_o corporal_a misery_n which_o be_v more_o grievous_a but_o yet_o not_o find_v myself_o subject_a then_o to_o the_o sense_n of_o such_o sorrow_n of_o mind_n as_o now_o i_o have_v i_o pass_v with_o much_o alacrity_n through_o they_o all_o but_o whensoever_o they_o of_o both_o kind_n come_v together_o the_o misery_n of_o it_o be_v so_o great_a as_o that_o it_o give_v i_o affliction_n enough_o and_o as_o for_o those_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o i_o then_o forget_v they_o all_o and_o there_o only_o remain_v but_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o memory_n of_o they_o as_o of_o a_o thing_n which_o i_o have_v dream_v and_o this_o serve_v but_o to_o give_v i_o so_o much_o the_o more_o pain_n for_o the_o understanding_n grow_v in_o those_o case_n to_o be_v all_o obscure_v and_o dull_v in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o it_o make_v i_o enter_v into_o a_o thousand_o suspicion_n trouble_n and_o doubt_n as_o if_o i_o have_v not_o former_o understand_v thing_n well_o and_o that_o perhaps_o i_o follow_v fancy_n in_o stead_n of_o truth_n and_o that_o it_o may_v have_v be_v misery_n enough_o for_o i_o to_o be_v deceive_v myself_o without_o seek_v
little_a in_o the_o monastery_n the_o devil_n also_o will_v be_v sure_a to_o help_v to_o be_v partly_o a_o mean_n that_o i_o may_v remain_v little_a at_o home_n for_o always_o by_o my_o impart_v to_o some_o of_o the_o religious_a there_o those_o good_a thing_n which_o i_o have_v learn_v of_o other_o with_o who_o i_o use_v to_o converse_v they_o receive_v much_o advantage_n and_o good_a but_o yet_o once_o be_v there_o with_o a_o certain_a person_n it_o happen_v that_o she_o say_v both_o to_o i_o and_o other_o what_o say_v you_o if_o we_o shall_v become_v like_o those_o religious_a woman_n who_o go_v barefoot_a for_o perhaps_o it_o may_v be_v possible_a in_o time_n to_o make_v some_o monastery_n of_o that_o kind_n but_o now_o i_o have_v also_o these_o very_a same_o desire_n begin_v to_o treat_v the_o business_n with_o that_o widow_n my_o companion_n and_o friend_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o who_o have_v also_o the_o same_o desire_n with_o i_o upon_o this_o she_o begin_v to_o cast_v how_o to_o endue_v it_o with_o rent_n but_o i_o come_v quick_o to_o find_v that_o there_o be_v no_o great_a probability_n of_o that_o though_o the_o desire_n which_o we_o have_v thereof_o make_v we_o yet_o believe_v that_o it_o may_v perhaps_o take_v effect_n but_o i_o on_o the_o other_o side_n find_v great_a contentment_n in_o the_o house_n where_o i_o be_v because_o it_o be_v much_o according_a to_o my_o own_o mind_n and_o the_o cell_n wherein_o i_o live_v be_v of_o very_o great_a conventence_n for_o i_o suspend_v myself_o from_o be_v earnest_n in_o the_o execution_n of_o that_o other_o design_n though_o yet_o we_o do_v resolve_v to_o recommend_v it_o in_o particular_a manner_n to_o almighty_a god_n and_o one_o day_n as_o soon_o as_o i_o have_v communicate_v his_o divine_a majesty_n command_v i_o in_o earnest_a manner_n to_o endeavour_v it_o to_o the_o very_a utter_a most_o of_o my_o power_n and_o he_o be_v please_v to_o make_v i_o great_a promise_n that_o the_o monastery_n shall_v not_o fail_v to_o be_v make_v and_o that_o he_o will_v be_v serve_v much_o in_o it_o and_o that_o it_o shall_v be_v call_v by_o the_o name_n of_o s._n joseph_n and_o that_o himself_o will_v keep_v we_o safe_a at_o one_o of_o the_o gate_n and_o his_o mother_n our_o b._n lady_n at_o the_o other_o and_o that_o christ_n our_o lord_n will_v continue_v with_o we_o and_o that_o the_o place_n shall_v prove_v to_o be_v even_o a_o star_n which_o will_v yield_v great_a brightness_n and_o splendour_n of_o itself_o and_o that_o though_o other_o religious_a order_n be_v then_o relax_v man_n must_v not_o think_v that_o he_o be_v but_o little_o serve_v by_o they_o and_o what_o shall_v become_v of_o the_o world_n if_o it_o be_v not_o for_o religious_a person_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v tell_v my_o ghostly_a father_n that_o he_o have_v command_v i_o all_o this_o and_o that_o he_o wish_v he_o not_o to_o oppose_v it_o nor_o to_o divert_v i_o from_o it_o and_o this_o vision_n which_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o be_v follow_v by_o so_o great_a effect_n that_o the_o speech_n which_o be_v use_v therein_o be_v such_o and_o utter_v in_o such_o a_o manner_n that_o i_o can_v not_o possible_o doubt_v but_o that_o it_o be_v he_o how_o soever_o i_o be_v still_o in_o extreme_a pain_n because_o the_o great_a disquiet_n and_o trouble_n which_o i_o be_v sure_o the_o thing_n will_v cost_v do_v partly_o represent_v themselves_o to_o i_o and_o consider_v how_o extreme_o well_o content_a i_o be_v in_o that_o first_o house_n and_o though_o former_o i_o have_v treat_v of_o this_o other_o business_n yet_o it_o be_v not_o with_o any_o such_o resolution_n and_o certainty_n as_o if_o it_o may_v be_v sure_a to_o take_v effect_n now_o here_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o the_o reward_n set_v itself_o instant_o before_o i_o for_o the_o do_v it_o but_o yet_o when_o i_o see_v that_o it_o be_v likely_a to_o be_v a_o thing_n of_o very_o great_a disquiet_n and_o trouble_v i_o be_v still_o in_o a_o kind_n of_o doubt_n what_o i_o will_v final_o do_v and_o yet_o they_o be_v so_o many_o several_a time_n that_o our_o lord_n renew_v his_o speech_n to_o i_o upon_o this_o subject_n represent_v so_o many_o cause_n and_o reason_n for_o it_o that_o i_o see_v clear_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v his_o will_n so_o that_o now_o i_o think_v no_o more_o of_o any_o thing_n else_o but_o only_o to_o acquaint_v my_o ghostly_a father_n with_o it_o and_o so_o i_o give_v he_o all_o that_o which_o have_v occur_v in_o write_v as_o for_o he_o he_o dare_v not_o resolut_o will_v i_o to_o give_v it_o over_o but_o see_v that_o there_o be_v little_a appearance_n to_o carry_v it_o through_o according_a to_o the_o discourse_n of_o natural_a reason_n in_o regard_n that_o my_o companion_n and_o friend_n who_o be_v the_o only_o person_n who_o be_v to_o do_v it_o have_v very_o little_a or_o no_o mean_n to_o effect_v it_o he_o wish_v i_o to_o treat_v of_o it_o with_o the_o prelate_n who_o be_v my_o superior_a and_o that_o i_o shall_v do_v therein_o what_o he_o ordain_v but_o i_o speak_v not_o of_o these_o vision_n with_o that_o prelate_n but_o that_o lady_n treat_v with_o he_o and_o tell_v he_o that_o she_o desire_v to_o erect_v a_o new_a monastery_n and_o the_o provincial_n do_v very_o glad_o give_v way_n for_o he_o be_v a_o friend_n of_o all_o religious_a observance_n and_o piety_n and_o so_o he_o afford_v all_o the_o favour_n which_o be_v needful_a and_o tell_v she_o that_o he_o will_v admit_v and_o accept_v the_o house_n they_o speak_v then_o of_o the_o revenue_n which_o it_o be_v to_o have_v and_o we_o never_o incline_v to_o let_v it_o consist_v of_o more_o than_o thirteen_o religious_a &_o this_o for_o many_o reason_n but_o before_o we_o begin_v to_o treat_v of_o the_o matter_n thus_o far_o we_o write_v to_o the_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n and_o acquaint_v he_o with_o all_o that_o which_o pass_v and_o he_o counsel_v we_o to_o proceed_v in_o this_o design_n and_o he_o send_v we_o his_o opinion_n upon_o the_o whole_a business_n but_o now_o this_o purpose_n of_o we_o be_v no_o soon_o know_v over_o the_o town_n than_o there_o do_v instant_o grow_v to_o be_v such_o a_o persecution_n against_o we_o as_o can_v be_v write_v in_o few_o word_n the_o scoff_n the_o icare_n the_o laugh_a the_o say_n that_o it_o be_v a_o foolery_n and_o senseless_a toy_n that_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v well_o enough_o in_o my_o monastery_n but_o for_o my_o companion_n and_o friend_n they_o cast_v such_o a_o load_n of_o persecution_n upon_o she_o that_o they_o even_o overlay_v she_o as_o for_o i_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o thought_n that_o they_o have_v partly_o some_o reason_n but_o be_v thus_o distress_v and_o recommend_v myself_o one_o day_n to_o almighty_a god_n his_o divine_a majesty_n begin_v to_o comfort_v and_o encourage_v i_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o now_o i_o may_v see_v through_o what_o difficulty_n those_o saint_n have_v pass_v who_o have_v found_v the_o religious_a order_n of_o the_o church_n and_o that_o we_o be_v to_o pass_v through_o many_o more_o persecution_n than_o i_o can_v imagine_v but_o that_o yet_o we_o shall_v not_o be_v trouble_v at_o all_o he_o tell_v i_o also_o some_o thing_n which_o i_o be_v to_o deliver_v to_o my_o companion_n and_o the_o thing_n at_o which_o i_o wonder_v most_o be_v that_o instant_o we_o be_v comfort_v in_o respect_n of_o all_o that_o which_o be_v pass_v and_o encourage_v for_o all_o that_o which_o be_v to_o be_v future_a and_o it_o be_v certain_a that_o there_o be_v not_o in_o all_o that_o town_n any_o one_o person_n of_o prayer_n nay_o in_o fine_a there_o be_v scarce_o any_o one_o at_o all_o who_o do_v not_o oppose_v we_o at_o that_o time_n and_o who_o think_v not_o this_o design_n to_o be_v a_o most_o senseless_a thing_n there_o be_v so_o many_o jest_n and_o learing_n and_o stir_n in_o our_o very_a monastery_n that_o now_o even_o the_o provincial_n oppose_v himself_o stiff_o against_o we_o and_o he_o change_v his_o former_a opinion_n and_o now_o will_v no_o long_o admit_v the_o house_n but_o say_v that_o the_o rent_n be_v both_o little_a and_o beside_o not_o very_o secure_a and_o that_o there_o be_v very_o great_a contradiction_n he_o seem_v to_o have_v reason_n in_o all_o and_o in_o fine_a he_o gave-ove_a the_o business_n and_o will_v not_o admit_v the_o house_n now_o we_o who_o have_v already_o receive_v the_o first_o blow_n upon_o our_o own_o head_n be_v great_o trouble_v at_o it_o but_o particular_o it_o strike_v i_o much_o that_o the_o provincial_n be_v now_o find_v to_o be_v opposite_a for_o
desire_v for_o four_o or_o five_o year_n together_o before_o her_o end_n and_o then_o she_o die_v upon_o a_o sudden_a without_o be_v so_o much_o as_o visit_v and_o much_o less_o confess_v but_o the_o happiness_n be_v that_o according_a to_o the_o custom_n which_o she_o have_v hold_v there_o be_v little_o more_o than_o eight_o day_n expire_v after_o her_o last_o confession_n this_o make_v i_o a_o very_a glad_a woman_n when_o i_o know_v of_o her_o death_n and_o she_o stay_v a_o very_a short_a time_n in_o purgatory_n nor_o be_v it_o yet_o above_o eight_o day_n since_o our_o lord_n appear_v to_o i_o after_o i_o have_v receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n and_o be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v how_o he_o carry_v my_o sister_n soul_n into_o glory_n in_o all_o these_o year_n from_o the_o time_n when_o the_o particular_a concern_v she_o be_v tell_v i_o till_o her_o very_a death_n i_o forget_v not_o that_o which_o have_v be_v give_v i_o to_o be_v understand_v concern_v she_o as_o neither_o also_o do_v my_o companion_n for_o as_o soon_o as_o she_o have_v hear_v of_o my_o sister_n death_n she_o come_v towards_o i_o with_o much_o admiration_n to_o see_v how_o all_o have_v be_v fulfil_v let_v our_o lord_n be_v praise_v for_o ever_o who_o vouchsafe_v to_o take_v such_o care_n of_o soul_n to_o the_o end_n that_o they_o may_v not_o perish_v amen_n the_o five_o and_o thirty_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n about_o the_o foundation_n of_o this_o house_n of_o our_o glorious_a father_n s._n joseph_n she_o speak_v of_o the_o degree_n by_o which_o our_o lord_n come_v to_o appoint_v that_o holy_a poverty_n shall_v be_v ordain_v there_o and_o of_o the_o cause_n why_o she_o come_v from_o that_o lady_n with_o who_o she_o be_v and_o of_o other_o thing_n also_o which_o succeed_v but_o now_o whilst_o i_o be_v with_o that_o lady_n of_o who_o i_o have_v speak_v and_o with_o who_o i_o have_v remain_v more_o than_o half_a a_o year_n our_o lord_n do_v so_o ordain_v that_o a_o certain_a holy_a woman_n of_o our_o order_n fall_v out_o to_o come_v from_o a_o place_n which_o be_v no_o less_o than_o threescore_o and_o then_o league_n off_o from_o this_o and_o to_o arrive_v here_o and_o to_o lengthen_v her_o way_n by_o some_o league_n on_o purpose_n to_o speak_v with_o i_o our_o lord_n have_v move_v she_o to_o this_o in_o the_o selfsame_a year_n when_o he_o move_v i_o to_o make_v another_o monastery_n of_o this_o order_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o she_o have_v entertain_v this_o desire_n she_o sell_v whatsoever_o she_o possess_v and_o go_v herself_o barefoot_a to_o rome_n to_o get_v and_o bring-away_a the_o dispatch_n of_o this_o business_n this_o woman_n be_v a_o person_n of_o much_o penance_n and_o prayer_n and_o our_o lord_n do_v she_o many_o favour_n and_o our_o b._n lady_n appear_v to_o she_o and_o require_v she_o still_o to_o do_v what_o she_o be_v do_v and_o she_o serve_v our_o bless_a lord_n so_o incomparable_o beyond_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o can_v do_v that_o i_o be_v in_o confusion_n even_o to_o appear_v in_o her_o presence_n she_o show_v i_o the_o dispatch_n which_o she_o bring_v from_o rome_n and_o in_o those_o fifteen_o day_n which_o she_o stay_v with_o i_o we_o take_v order_n how_o we_o will_v make_v these_o monastery_n and_o till_o i_o have_v speak_v with_o she_o it_o never_o have_v come_v to_o my_o knowledge_n that_o our_o rule_n till_o it_o be_v relax_v do_v ever_o command_v that_o none_o of_o the_o religious_a house_n of_o our_o order_n shall_v have_v any_o propriety_n in_o any_o good_n nor_o have_v myself_o have_v any_o purpose_n to_o find_v any_o monastery_n at_o all_o without_o revenue_n for_o my_o intention_n be_v that_o we_o shall_v be_v free_a from_o the_o care_n of_o procure_v any_o such_o thing_n as_o we_o may_v be_v in_o necessity_n to_o use_v but_o this_o bless_a woman_n have_v be_v instruct_v by_o our_o lord_n be_v grow_v to_o understand_v that_o truth_n very_o well_o without_o be_v able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o read_v of_o which_o truth_n i_o be_v ignorant_a even_o after_o have_v take_v so_o much_o pain_n to_o read_v over_o the_o constitution_n of_o our_o order_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o she_o acquaint_v i_o with_o her_o purpose_n i_o like_v it_o well_o though_o yet_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o it_o will_v not_o be_v yield_v to_o but_o that_o they_o will_v say_v perhaps_o that_o these_o be_v but_o impertinency_n and_o wish_v that_o i_o will_v not_o do_v any_o thing_n whereby_o other_o may_v be_v put_v to_o suffer_v through_o my_o fault_n though_o yet_o in_o very_a deed_n if_o i_o have_v be_v alone_o i_o will_v not_o have_v be_v detain_v one_o minute_n from_o do_v it_o since_o it_o will_v be_v a_o regalo_n to_o my_o soul_n to_o observe_v &_o follow_v the_o counsel_n of_o jesus-christ_n our_o lord_n for_o real_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v already_o give_v i_o great_a desire_n to_o observe_v poverty_n so_o that_o for_o my_o part_n i_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o that_o this_o be_v best_a yea_o and_o i_o have_v long_o desire_v that_o it_o may_v be_v possible_a and_o compatible_a with_o my_o state_n that_o i_o may_v go_v beg_v my_o bread_n for_o the_o love_n of_o god_n without_o have_v so_o much_o as_o a_o house_n or_o any_o thing_n else_o but_o only_o i_o be_v in_o fear_n that_o if_o our_o bless_a lord_n shall_v not_o give_v the_o selfsame_a desire_n to_o other_o which_o he_o give_v to_o i_o they_o will_v live_v perhaps_o with_o disgust_n and_o consequent_o that_o it_o may_v prove_v a_o cause_n of_o some_o distraction_n or_o division_n for_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v some_o poor_a monastery_n which_o live_v not_o with_o much_o recollection_n and_o i_o consider_v not_o that_o their_o not_o be_v recollect_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o their_o be_v so_o poor_a and_o not_o their_o poverty_n the_o cause_n of_o their_o want_n of_o recollection_n for_o distraction_n make_v they_o not_o more_o rich_a nor_o be_v ever_o almighty_a god_n want_v to_o such_o as_o serve_v he_o in_o fine_a my_o faith_n be_v weak_a which_o that_o of_o this_o servant_n of_o god_n be_v not_o but_o now_o i_o who_o will_v be_v take_v the_o opinion_n of_o so_o many_o person_n for_o every_o thing_n which_o i_o be_v to_o do_v can_v find_v no_o body_n of_o this_o mind_n no_o nor_o even_o my_o ghostly_a father_n himself_o nor_o yet_o those_o other_o learned_a man_n who_o i_o consult_v in_o the_o case_n but_o they_o bring_v i_o so_o many_o reason_n against_o it_o that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o for_o i_o for_o my_o part_n who_o know_v already_o that_o it_o be_v the_o rule_n of_o the_o order_n and_o know_v also_o that_o it_o be_v a_o point_n of_o more_o perfection_n can_v not_o persuade_v myself_o to_o have_v revenue_n and_o though_o sometime_o they_o convince_v i_o towards_o their_o opinion_n yet_o still_o when_o i_o return_v to_o prayer_n and_o consider_v christ_n our_o lord_n so_o very_o poor_a and_o naked_a upon_o the_o cross_n i_o be_v not_o able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o find_v patience_n for_o be_v rich_a but_o i_o humble_o beseech_v he_o with_o tear_n to_o ordain_v thing_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o may_v be_v poor_a like_v he_o and_o i_o find_v so_o many_o inconvenience_n even_o in_o have_v revenue_n and_o find_v it_o to_o be_v so_o great_a a_o cause_n of_o disquiet_n yea_o and_o even_o of_o distraction_n also_o that_o i_o do_v nothing_o but_o dispute_v the_o business_n with_o those_o learned_a man_n i_o write_v also_o about_o it_o to_o that_o religious_a man_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n who_o assist_v we_o and_o he_o send_v i_o two_o sheet_n of_o paper_n which_o he_o have_v write_v by_o way_n of_o contradiction_n to_o i_o and_o he_o ground_v himself_o in_o theology_n for_o the_o persuade_v i_o not_o to_o do_v it_o yea_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o he_o have_v study_v the_o point_n very_o well_o to_o which_o i_o answer_v he_o that_o for_o not_o follow_v my_o vocation_n and_o for_o not_o perform_v the_o vow_n which_o i_o have_v make_v of_o poverty_n and_o embrace_v the_o counsel_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n in_o all_o perfection_n i_o mean_v not_o to_o make_v use_n of_o his_o theology_n nor_o of_o his_o learning_n and_o therefore_o that_o in_o this_o case_n he_o may_v be_v please_v to_o excuse_v i_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v very_o glad_a when_o i_o find_v any_o creature_n who_o will_v help_v i_o and_o the_o lady_n with_o who_o i_o be_v assist_v i_o particular_o herein_o there_o be_v other_o also_o who_o tell_v i_o instant_o at_o the_o first_o that_o they_o like_v it_o well_o but_o afterward_o when_o they_o consider_v it_o better_o they_o
lord_n with_o such_o a_o abundance_n of_o mercy_n have_v not_o dispatch_v all_o that_o business_n alone_o for_o till_o he_o out_o of_o his_o own_o goodness_n do_v so_o your_o reverence_n will_v already_o have_v see_v that_o on_o my_o part_n there_o be_v nothing_o at_o all_o but_o only_o rise_v and_o fall_v over_o and_o over_o i_o will_v fain_o express_v this_o point_n home_n for_o i_o believe_v that_o many_o soul_n grow_v to_o be_v abuse_v and_o deceive_v because_o they_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o fly_v before_o almighty_a god_n give_v they_o wing_n i_o conceive_v that_o i_o have_v former_o use_v this_o comparison_n but_o it_o come_v also_o very_a well_o in_o here_o for_o i_o find_v that_o many_o soul_n be_v much_o afflict_v upon_o this_o occasion_n as_o namely_o when_o they_o begin_v with_o great_a desire_n and_o resolution_n to_o go_v forward_o in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n and_o some_o do_v even_o give-ove_a all_o for_o love_v thereof_o forasmuch_o as_o concern_v exterior_a thing_n and_o yet_o see_v more_o advantageous_a effect_n and_o fruit_n of_o such_o virtue_n as_o our_o lord_n have_v infuse_v into_o the_o soul_n of_o other_o who_o be_v more_o proficient_a then_o into_o they_o and_o that_o they_o can_v perform_v certain_a thing_n which_o be_v set_v down_o in_o those_o book_n which_o be_v write_v of_o prayer_n and_o contemplation_n which_o man_n be_v advise_v to_o use_v so_o to_o make_v themselves_o ascend_v up_o the_o better_a and_o the_o high_a to_o this_o dignity_n and_o in_o fine_a when_o they_o can_v instant_o obtain_v these_o thing_n they_o discomfort_n and_o afflict_v themselves_o as_o for_o example_n not_o to_o care_v a_o straw_n if_o any_o body_n shall_v speak_v ill_a of_o we_o but_o rather_o to_o take_v more_o contentment_n in_o it_o then_o when_o they_o praise_v we_o to_o have_v very_o little_a esteem_n of_o our_o honour_n to_o be_v perfect_o untie_v from_o the_o care_n of_o kindred_n and_o friend_n and_o not_o to_o desire_v to_o converse_v with_o they_o but_o rather_o to_o be_v weary_a of_o their_o company_n unless_o they_o be_v person_n of_o prayer_n and_o many_o other_o thing_n of_o this_o kind_n which_o must_v in_o my_o opinion_n come_v from_o the_o gift_n of_o almighty_a god_n because_o i_o hold_v they_o for_o supernatural_a blessing_n and_o very_o contrary_a to_o our_o own_o natural_a inclination_n and_o therefore_o let_v they_o not_o be_v afflict_v but_o put_v their_o trust_n in_o our_o lord_n that_o so_o what_o now_o they_o have_v in_o desire_n his_o divine_a majesty_n may_v be_v please_v to_o give_v they_o afterward_o with_o effect_n and_o fruit_n by_o mean_n of_o prayer_n and_o by_o their_o do_v on_o their_o part_n what_o they_o can_v for_o it_o be_v a_o most_o necessary_a thing_n for_o this_o weak_a and_o poor_a nature_n of_o we_o to_o place_v a_o great_a confidence_n in_o our_o b._n lord_n &_o not_o to_o put_v ourselves_o out_o of_o hart_n nor_o to_o think_v but_o that_o if_o we_o will_v proceed_v with_o courage_n we_o shall_v be_v victorious_a and_o because_o i_o have_v much_o experience_n hereof_o i_o will_v speak_v a_o word_n or_o two_o by_o way_n of_o advice_n to_o your_o reverence_n for_o you_o must_v not_o think_v though_o it_o may_v appear_v as_o if_o it_o be_v true_a that_o any_o virtue_n be_v already_o gain_v unless_o it_o be_v first_o compare_v and_o experiment_v by_o the_o vice_n which_o be_v contrary_a to_o it_o and_o we_o must_v always_o remain_v doubtful_a and_o suspicious_a and_o not_o cast_v off_o our_o care_n as_o long_o as_o we_o be_v the_o owner_n of_o our_o life_n for_o our_o weakness_n stick_v close_o and_o fast_o to_o we_o unless_o as_o i_o be_v say_v before_o the_o whole_a benefit_n be_v impart_v to_o we_o by_o divine_a grace_n to_o the_o end_n that_o we_o may_v know_v what_o all_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n be_v worth_a and_o that_o there_o be_v never_o any_o such_o thing_n as_o can_v be_v term_v all_o but_o in_o company_n of_o many_o danger_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o 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