Civil wars with thy Wife again Fopp For my wife Sir she and I agree as we please and sometime Differ if we think fit tho' we know not why There 's Destiny in Marriage as well as in something else you Know of Merid. We conceive you to a thread Fopp But I can tell you of a greater female wonder than you Have heard of yet will you believe me Frank. As far as we have cause at least Fopp Fy fy you must allow something more to a friend Than that comes to 't is but an ordinary Civility as the World goes Merid. You shall have it then Fopp Why then I must tell you we have strange times towards Frank. That may be believ'd and Women to govern Fopp But my proof that we shall have such is more miraculous Than all Frank. Proceed we are a little in haste Fopp Nay you must not be in too much haste neither there are Degrees in all things but to come to the matter Merid. Do 'prethee I hate prolixity as I do ill humour Fopp 'T is somewhat of the biggest to get out Frank. Swallow it back again Fopp But you shall have it egregiously and know that I Tom Foppering saw this very Moon Frank. Where is she this is day and the Sun shining Fopp Nay and you 'l put me out who can help it Frank. Suppose it the Moon then Fopp Why then Sir I saw that very Moon you and I suppose put On a Milk-maids hat in yonder Grove last night Frank. And did not you make love to her Fopp In good sooth I could not chuse Merid. You had been to blame else and so acted Endymions Part to purpose ha Fopp Nay you know I can do as much with hand and foot As another but it fell out we were prevented so Unluckily Frank. As how ' prethee Fopp Why an unlucky Owl gave a Whoop and frighted her To the very place you see her shine in now Frank. That 's the Sun once more Animal Fopp But left this Slipper behind her which I will kiss Often and call her Mistris still Merid. A Slip-shoo'd Moon Fopp But friends not a word to my Wife Frank. Or if she knew it she 'd hardly be jealous Fopp By the next Moon-light or before you may know More perhaps of her favours Frank. In the mean time this tale of thine does equal if not ' Surpass the greatest Doctor of Fables amongst all the Poets Fopp That 's the ambition of my ingenuity Sir Frank. I believe thee Tom What a Dialogue had this been to have Punish'd Sir Grave Solymour with Merid. And the Exclamations he would have made against vanity Enough to have tir'd a dozen Vestals one by one I was never so sick of Age as since I knew his Gravity Fopp Please you Gentlemen that I go and make a relation to Him on purpose Enter Crispina and Eugenia Frank. You shall not at this time See here Are some of our Lady Magistrates They go towards ' em Crisp. How Men and come thus boldly towards us where are Your manners Euge. I suppose you know we are Dames now Merid. And Pliant ones I hope I should be loath to live an Hour longer else as quick as I feel life about me Euge. A smart humour of an old one Crisp. But we are now to think of power and men after As occasion serves Enter Petilla Frank. But play not the Tyrant with us Ladies we wish Your Dominion well provided you 'l love and so forth Petil. My husband here I 'll stop a little She hides her self Crisp. 'T will not belong e're we shall acquaint you with what We require in order to your obedience Frank. We are your subjects already Ladies but to tell you truth Here is a Gentleman that is a small dissenter having Had some diff'rence lately with his wife about Supremacy Fopp A small contest Ladies as much as came to a blow with the Smart of my hand or so Merid. And somewhat betwixt your feet was 't not Fopp I thank your remembrance but I am so good natur'd that I chastise her first and forgive her afterwards Petil. Do you so Sir Discovers her self Fopp offers to go out Frank. holds him Frank. Nay make it good now Sir Petil. And has brag'd I should be no Mistriss Magistrate Of the Common-wealth has he not Frank. I suppose he will not deny it Fopp Excuse me Sir as I am a man in favour with the Stars I am in haste Petil. I 'll stay it a little And have t'other Slipper of the Moons to sind have you so Sir Offers to save himself behind Frank. Fopp As sure as she dropt this in yonder Grove Wife Petill. In the mean time I could find in my heart to make Use of it about your pate Fopp Do not profane it so I beseech thee tho' to tell thee the Truth I cannot chuse but be in love with her horns Petil. Perhaps I may bestow a pair on you in time and then For your belying of me and our Sexes Authority Fopp Thou know'st I love to talk for my Credit or so Petil. And disparage my superiority do you Offers to beat him Fopp By both my ears which are at thy service I Scorn it Wife Petil. Would I could come at thy tongue as well Merid. No more good Madam Petil. Am I fit to govern now Sirr ah Fopp By this hand of thine which I kiss thus and honour as the Scepter of my obedience Thou art as thou know'st I was Never against it betwixt our selves Frank. You must interpose Ladies or here will be a battery at least Omn. La. Enough enough Madam Petil. And remember you come not near my bed till I command you Fopp Not I by my manhood of which thou hast had so often The better Petil. Perhaps I 'll next send you to travail and be sure if I Do you return a fine Gentleman Fopp I 'll do my utmost endeavour Wife Frank. It may be come back a verier fool than he went I have known it so in some Petil. In the mean time expect my further orders and take a care How you tell any more tales of the Moon Frank. Away away Tom But for this accident we should Not have been rid of him so pleasantly Fopp But I 'll be in love with the Moon in spight of her Teeth if I please Ex. Fop Petil. Ladies I beg your excuse for this passion of mine tho' 't is mâ— Fortune to have a Husband of a more weak and impotent Sence than some others in the World Crisp. We conceive you Madam Eug. A few more examples of this kind were motives enough For us to use our Legislative power against marriage it Makes people fall so foul upon one another Crisp. That would live kindly otherwise And consequently such a Mischeivous Conjunction Petil. For what concernes my interest in a husband might I Not be thought partial I should give my vote with the First Merid. And how would you provide for love
groveling lyes Fluskers and beats the earth but cannot rise You 've banish'd from the Stage their Jill and Ruffian too Enough a thousand Poets to undo For this they hate and snarle at you You like the wiser Ages these detest And all your modest Scenes Seem fil'd with Queens Only more fair they are and humbly drest 6. When you have travers'd all the Sciences Your patient soul in these sweet Arts you ease You Court your Muse neither for gain nor Dower But all your flame and passion 's pure Your thoughts you show in such a comely dress As never fullied Theater nor Press Yet so severely prick That the most sluggish Asse does kick And scourge no less the fool and lunatick 7. You have disturb'd our Poets Hive And what will spoil their game The stolen sweets you do proclaim By which the lazy Wasps do live You must expect they 'l buzza while about But yet one breath Like sudden storm or death Will quickly scatter all that peevish rout 8. Unwearied Ben in the ungrateful Age Propt up the stooping ruins of the Stage He bravely finish'd what he knew was good Scorning the envy of the multitude Rebuk'd and then sustain'd with patience The poor and rude Revilings of the Croud And whipt the foolish world at last to sence 9. Cease not to do undauntedly the same And you 'l succeed that great man in his fame Beamont and witty Fletcher then as due Will yield their Antient glories up to you Go on your help you may too long defer And then this Age must give to you What that to Ben did owe And call you the supporter of the sinking Theater Sâ—m Clyat Prologue THe New Utopia Is 't not pretty too If this our Comedy more strange things shew Than all Romantick Tales y 'ave heard of old Of love and honour though more lately told And that you Ladies see your Sex above The power of men and so command their love But where 's the Art to form these gay things here Led by that Angel Wit you Criticks fear Who Devil-like to Poets teach despair Nay more I 'll thus of our men Actors say They sleight perhaps how you 'll receive this Play Like lazy Hirelings having shar'd their Pay But for us Women we protest to Act Above the men who are oblig'd by pact And with that vigour will perform it too You 'l wish your own Amours were acted so Tho' 't is your int'rest to be pleas'd to day T' incourage Poets after him to pay As much beforehand ere we act new Play And then 't is Odds you 'l find such cautious wit That few will venture who have ill ones writ To be by Criticks and themselves cross-bit Th' excuse the Poet gives it was wit him Perhaps like such who in discourse and Wine Think all they write and say is fine Till wiser thoughts the past condemnâ— Yet he presumes that most of all you here Have been content to pay Six days as dear When but a petty farce has been your Chear But I 'd almost forgot that you may take A forfeit for each bolder word I speak Tho' it has past nay held good Prologue sence T' have dar'd you with less wit than confidence Like those Romantick favours some dispence 'T is here with Writers as with other men Suppose them rich their wit you make so then Do the like now and you perhaps may find You ' are not Couzen'd more in being kind Dramatis Personae Sir Adam Meridith Mr. Underhil Sir Grave Solymour Mr. Medburn Mr. Franckman Mr. Harris Polidor a Noble person Mr. Young Featlin Son to Sir Solym. Mr. Crosby Foppering Mr. Nokes Peacock Mr. Angel Euphorbus Mr. Sherwood Orlando Curioso Mr. Sandford Serina A noble Lady Mrs. Betterton Celinda Mrs. Shadwel Crispina Mrs. Long. Eugenia Mrs. Lee. Petilla Mrs. Dixon 1. Lady Mrs. Ford. 2. Lady Mrs. Clough A Blackamoor Boy disguiz'd like a Woman 4 Cittizens and Magistrates Page and Attendants Scene Utopia THE Six Days Adventure OR THE NEW UTOPIA The First Act. Enter Meridith and his Boy Merid. BOy Fetch me a glass of Sack Or no matter Boy offers to go out I do not feel I want it besides I scorn That these gray-hairs shall be beholding to A dram of artificial mirth I 'll keep a Cordial still within me here Boy What mean you Sir Merid. To be from this day young again Boy That 's impossible Sir Merid. 'T is in my power Boy I find that Age Is partly affectation a ridiculous gravity Worse than folly or dotage Hast thou writ the song out fair I gave thee Boy I have writ the Rhime true at least Sir And that 's it which makes the musick Merid. Away away I should be loath To make such a Satyrical repartee to any of our Poets Give me the song Boy Shall I sing it Boy deliver the Song Merid. No Boy I 'll not entertain my self at The Second hand should a Lady offer her voice As amorous as I feel my self to be I 'de Rather desire her pardon and make use of my natural Air Boy This master of mine was ever inclin'd to mirth aside But this has so much of the extreme that did I but Observe such another Example and were old enough To be skill'd in the Stars I should judge We had a various world towards Meridith having ponder'd on the Song a while with an airy posture sings it The Song 1. THough Nature some tell grows old grows old And youth and age decay In spigbt of all her winters cold I merrily sing My ages spring And can love at this day And can love at this day 2. Whilst on my head these hairs do show That time is old not I Unless his hours more youthful slow And Autumn meet With Summers heat Who else must live and die Less pleasantly than I. Merid. Away boy set my Lute Viol in order Enter Sir Grave Solymour at the end of the song who stops his ears hearing Meridith sing I would be yet merrier did I know how And teach time to grow young again My joints I feel can spring a caper yet He leapâ— Soly. Fie Sir Adam Meredith What so vain I am Sorry I find cause to rebuke it in a man Of your years Merid. Good Sir Grave Solymour do not infect me With your austerity as I bear the name of Adam So I will endeavour to be the first Man of mirth Of my time Soly. What a vain world have we towards an old Man Turn'd young again Merid. Were I beholding to charms like AEson your gravity might call me in question Or were I infirm and diseas'd or knew Woman that despis'd my mirth age or me as Perhaps though somewhat younger you may find I might have cause to be less jovial but So long as I am resolv'd to be youthful Fate do thy worst Soly. O times O manners Merid. What call you good times or manners but Such as conspire most with our delights Be it War or
peace I am resolv'd to maintain my Humour and when I am dead my life shall Oblige some Poet or other by spiriting Comedy with my Character Soly. You have good luck if you 'scape Whilst you live there are writers amongst us Of such barren inventions as they are forc'd to Character the living and could it but produce Reformation amongst us Satyrical Poets were The most useful of all professions in Utopia Merid. What call you Reformation Soly. The suppression of vanity and vice Merid. I have heard of such a Sect in England That would inveigh openly against all these yet lov'd their Regalio's and the close embrace in private I hope you are not of the same complexion Soly. There 's nothing more hard than to dissemble safely Aside But Sir though you censure freely I hope I may deserve so much of your Charity to Be taken as I profess my self to be Merid. I 'll be as candid as you can deserve or desire me Soly. To requite your favour I 'll put you in Mind of what you have cause to consider Merid. With all my heart Sir Soly. But whether 't will fit your jolly humour I make a question Merid. You need not Sir I am prepar'd for all Things the world can impose on me a Non-resident Priest lives not so much sine cura as I do And will do Soly. You might remember we are this day in danger Of being unmann'd Merid. How unmann'd Prethee how Feels below I should as unwillingly want any thing that belongs to Manhood As any man of twenty in Utopia Soly. Or what is worse if not prevented our women May this day claim the Government of us and Our Country by an unhappy custom sometime Practis'd here Is this no judgment on our Vanities Merid. A meer happiness the only mirth I look'd for I know our Law saies their time is come And happy our Common-wealth that is like to Exchange Clubs for Diamonds Soly. But more unhappy Ancestors Where was their Judgments their resolutions in gratifying the Weak and vainer sex with such a Law 'T is torment to My senses Merid. But in mine the most natural of all Governments Was not first man then woman So in dominion here Our constitution says that they and we must rule by Turns Though as a man I could be well enough content My own sex might be still superiour but be merry and Amorous and no matter Knight Soly. That any man upward of 60 years should be thus Extravagant Well Solymour tho' thy inclinations May be as prone to vice there is some honour in thy Aside Dissimulation A gilded pill deceives the eye though Not the taste Enter Frankman Merid. Mr. Frankman well met Frank. Sir Adam I joy to see you I perceive there 's no Decay of Mirth in you whatsoever there is in nature Merid. Thanks be to heaven I feel none My gray hairs Do not lessen my Genius but rather improve it by Putting me in mind of the silver Age of which the Poets sung so merrily in times past and were sixteen My Rival I should think that woman too blame That would not make me her choice Frank. God a mercy old boy Merid. And how do the Ladies of our acquaintance Frank. You would not make love to them Merid. Were I sure they would not neglect me for these gray hairs I 'de say something Frank. A merry heart may do much you know what Times are towards us Merid. I know I know and have been winning of Sir Solymour but he 's so austere Frank. Oh he 's a man of magistracy though I believe no better A member of the Common-wealth than he should be Aside Soly. And must blush with others if I lay down my authority At the foot of a petticoat are you for a resignation Mr. Frankman Frank. Not violent but rather indifferent since the Law allows it Tho' I doubt not we have some Magistrates of your grave Sence that will unwillingly resign Soly. May heaven reward them Frank. But when I consider the Novelty To see this Lady vie With t'other for beauty place and superintendency 'T will be such a gay government Mere. And so sportive and aery that an Anarchy under them Would be pleasant Soly. Our predecessors have been curs'd in their Cradles or what Is worse fool'd by their Wives Frank. Do not torment your self so much good Sir Solymour the Utmost time is but a year and a day and 't is odds if they Obtain it whether 't will last to the next Moonlight as Matters may fall out Soly. Were it not for our sins I should hope better things But the time we live in is degenerate and vicious above All others Frank. A mere vulgar error maintain'd by some peevish examples Of formality and age Are not the Sun and Stars of the same Temper and heat they ever were The Elements likewise the Same and consequently our constitutions that depend on These not more variable or degenerate in this than in other ages Of the world but if your past youth have offended or That you have any clandestine sin lies heavy on your Conscience 't will become your gravity in due time to Repent and acknowledge it Merid. God a mercy young heart thou hast spoke my sence To purpose Soly. And touches home but I hope ignorantly Aside I should be loath to blush for my hypocrisy Ha¡ what noise is this Hoboys sound Merid. Hoboys Sir In my younger years they were us'd On the stage to represent state and triumph Enter Foppering Frank. And he at the end on 't then we shall have an Enterlude to purpose Soly. By your leaves Gentlemen I would be excus'd The hearing of it Soly. offers to go out Frank. You shall not take it by your favour Sir untill you Know the occasion of his presenting himself thus Foppering A ha boys Hoboys again Soly. I beseech you Sir I love no instrumental sound to which Purpose I have caus'd all the instruments in my house To be broken Frank. I fear a sign of no good nature in you Merid. Or a strange antipathy to mirth Fopp Victory Victory fellow Citizens of Utopia Soly. Such an extravagance as this a man would leap down A precipice to avoid Frank. The great Mogul has not invaded us and is beaten off Fopp And thereby hangs a tale boys and thereby hangs a tale boys Merid. Proceed thou spirit of joy Soly. May not I withdraw yet Frank. Give him the hearing first It may concern our common-Wealth Go on Sir Fopp Why to tell you true Gentiles as be it known to all the World I hate lying Frank. That parenthesis might have been spar'd Fopp And as I am a Gentleman of truth and honesty as I said before Sol. Yet again Would I were in a Mill that I might not hear the Whilst Fopp Then know all absent and present that I Tom Foppering Having bin the last night at some odds with my Wife and so Forth as you know 't is not easy for