Man Dam your dearness It concerns more than my life my honour Fid. Doubt it not Sir Man And do not discover it by too much fear of discovering it but have a great care you let not Freeman find it out Fid. I warrant you Sir I am already all joy with the hopes of your commands and shall be all wings in the execution of 'em speak quickly Sir Man You said you wou'd beg for me Fid. I did Sir Man Then you shall beg for me Fid. With all my heart Sir Man That is Pimp for me Fid. How Sir Man D' ye start thinkst thou thou cou'dst do me any other service Come no dissembling honour I know you can do it handsomly thou were made for 't You have lost your time with me at Sea you must recover it Fid. Do not Sir beget your self more Reasons for your Aversion to me and make my obedience to you a fault I am the unfittest in the World to do you such a service Man Your cunning arguing against it shews but how sit you are for it No more dissembling here I say you must go use it for me to Olivia Fid. To her Sir Man Go flatter lie kneel promise any thing to get her for me I cannot live unless I have her Didst thou not say thou wou'dst do any thing to save my life And she said you had a persuading face Fid. But did not you say Sir your honour was dearer to you than your life And wou'd you have me contribute to the loss of that and carry love from you to the most infamous most false and Man And most beautifull Sighs aside Fid. Most ungrateful Woman that ever liv'd for sure she must be so that cou'd desert you so soon use you so basely and so lately too do not do not forget it Sir and think Man No I will not forget it but think of revenge I will lie with her out of revenge Go be gone and prevail for me or never see me more Fid. You scorn'd her last night Man I know not what I did last night I dissembled last night Fid. Heavens Man Be gone I say and bring me love or compliance back or hopes at least or I 'll never see thy face again by Fid. O do not swear Sir first hear me Man I am impatient away you 'll find me here till twelve Turns away Fid. Sir Man Not one word no insinuating Argument more or soothing persuasion you 'll have need of all your Rhetorick with her go strive to alter her not me be gone Ex. Man at the end of the Stage Manet Fidelia Fid. Shou'd I discover to him now my Sex And lay before him his strange cruelty Twou'd but incense it more No 't is not time For his Love must I then betray my own Were ever Love or Chance till now severe Or shifting Woman pos'd with such a task Forc'd to beg that which kills her if obtain'd And give away her Lover not to lose him Ex. Fidel. Enter Widow Blackacre in the middle of half a dozen Lawyers whisper'd to by a Fellow in black Jerry Blackacre following the croud Wid. Offer me a Reference you saucy Companion you d' ye know who you speak to Art thou a Solicitor in Chancery and offer a Reference A pretty Fellow Mr. Serjeant Ploddon here 's a Fellow has the impudence to offer me a Reference Serj. Plod Who 's that has the impudence to offer a Reference within these Walls Wid. Nay for a Splitter of Causes to do 't Serj. Plod No Madam to a Lady learned in the Law as you are the offer of a Reference were to impose upon you Wid. No no never fear me for a Reference Mr. Serjeant But come have you not forgot your Brief Are you sure you shan't make the mistake of Hark you Whispers Go then go to your Court of Common-Pleas and say one thing over and over again You do it so naturally you 'll never be suspected for protracting time Serj. Plod Come I know the course of the Court and your business Ex. Serj. Plod Wid. Let 's see Ierry where are my Minutes Come Mr. Quaint pray go talk a great deal for me in Chancery let your words be easie and your Sense hard my Cause requires it Branch it bravely and deck my Cause with flowers that the Snake may lie hidden Go go and be sure you remember the Decree of my Lord Chancellor Tricesimo quart ' of the Queen Quaint I will as I see cause extenuate or examplifie Matter of Fact baffle Truth with Impudence answer Exceptions with Questions tho' never so impertinent for Reasons give 'em Words for Law and Equity Tropes and Figures And so relax and enervate the sinews of their Argument with the oyl of my Eloquence But when my Lungs can reason no longer and not being able to say any thing more for our Cause say every thing of our Adversary whose Reputation though never so clear and evident in the eye of the World yet with sharp Invectives Wid. Alias Belin'sgate Quaint With poinant and sowre Invectives I say I will deface wipe out and obliterate his fair Reputation even as a Record with the juice of Lemons and tell such a Story for the truth on 't is all that we can do for our Client in Chancery is telling a Story a fine Story a long Story such a Story Wid. Go save thy breath for the Cause talk at the Bar Mr. Quaint You are so copiously fluent you can weary any ones ears sooner than your own tongue Go weary our Adversaries Counsel and the Court Go thou art a fine-spoken person Adad I shall make thy Wife jealous of me if you can but court the Court into a Decree for us Go get you gone and remember Whispers Exit Quaint Come Mr. Blunder pray baul foundly for me at the Kings-Bench bluster sputter question cavil but be sure your Argument be intricate enough to confound the Court And then you do my business Talk what you will but be sure your tongue never stand still for your own noise will secure your Sense from Censure 't is like coughing or heming when one has got the Belly-ake which stifles the unmannerly noise Go dear Rogue and succeed and I 'll invite thee ere it be long to more souz'd Venison Blund I 'll warrant you after your Verdict your Judgment shall not be Arrested upon if's and and 's Wid. Come Mr. Petulant let me give you some new instructions for our Cause in the Exchequer Are the Barons sate Pet. Yes no may be they are may be they are not what know I what care I Wid. Hey day I wish you wou'd but snap up the Counsel on t'other side anon at the Bar as much and have a little more patience with me that I might instruct you a little better Pet. You instruct me What is my Brief for Mistress Wid. Ay but you seldom read your Brief but at the Bar if you do it then Pet. Perhaps I do perhaps
for other people to use 'em And your Bookseller is properly your Upholster for he furnishes your Room rather than your Head Old Well well good Sea-Lieutenant study you your Compass that 's more than your head can deal with I will go find out the Widow to keep her out of his sight or he 'll board her whil'st I am treating a Peace Aside Ex. Oldfox Manent Freeman Jerry Ierr. Nay pr'ythee Friend now let me have but the Seven Champipions you shall trust me no longer than till my Mothers Mr. Splitcause comes for I hope he 'll lend me wherewithall to pay for 't Free Lend thee here I 'll pay him Do you want Money Squire I 'm sorry a Man of your Estate shou'd want Money Ierr. Nay my Mother will ne'r let me be at Age And till then she sayes Free At Age Why you are at Age already to have spent an Estate Man there are younger than you have kept their Women these three Years have had half a dozen Claps and lost as many thousand pounds at Play Ierr. Ay they are happy Sparks nay I know some of my School-Fellows who when we were at School were two Years younger than me but now I know not how are grown Men before me and go where they will and look to themselves but my Curmudgeonly Mother wo'nt allow me where withall to be a Man of my self with Free Why there 't is I knew your Mother was in the fault Ask but your School-Fellows what they did to be Men of themselves Ierr. Why I know they went to Law with their Mothers for they say there 's no good to be done upon a Widow Mother till one goes to Law with her but mine is as plaguy a Lawyer as any 's of our Inn. Then wou'd she marry too and cut down my Trees Now I shou'd hate Man to have my Father'sâ— Wife kiss'd and slap'd and t'other thing too you know what I mean by another Man and our Trees are the purest tall even shady twigs by my fa Free Come Squire let your Mother and your Trees fall as she pleases ' rather than wear this Gown and carry green Bags all thy life and be pointed at for a Tony But you shall be able to deal with her yet the common way thou shalt make false Love to some Lawyer 's daughter whose Father upon the hopes of thy marrying her shall lend thee Money and Law to preserve thy Estate and Trees and thy Mother is so ugly no Body will have her if she cannot cut down thy Trees Ierr. Nay if I had but any Body to stand by me I am as stomachful as another Free That will I I 'll not see any hopeful young Gentleman abus'd Boy By any but your self Aside Ierr. The truth on 't is mine 's as arrant a Widow-Mother to her poor Child as any 's in England She wo'nt so much as let one have six-pence in one's Pocket to see a Motion or the Dancing of the Ropes or Free Come you sha'nt want Money there 's Gold for you Ierr. O Lurd Sir two Guineys d' ye lend me this is there no trick inâ—t Well Sir I 'll give you my Bond for security Free No no thou hast given me thy face for security Any Body wou'd swear thou dost not look like a Cheat. You shall have what you will of me and if your Mother will not be kinder to you come to me who will Ierr. By my fa he 's a curious fine Gentleman Aside But will you stand by one Free If you can be resolute Ierr. Can be resolv'd Gad if she gives me but a cross word I 'll leave her to night and come to you But now I have got Money I 'll go to Iack of All Trades at t'other end of the Hall and buy the neatest purest things Free And I 'll follow the great Boy and my blow at his Mother steal way the Calf and the Cow will follow you Exit Jerry follow'd by Freeman Enter on the other side Manly Widow Blackacre and Oldfox Man Dam your Cause can't you lose it without me which you are like enough to do if it be as you say an honest one I will suffer no longer for 't Wid. Nay Captain I tell you you are my prime Witness and the Cause is just now coming on Mr. Splitcause tells me Lord methinks you shou'd take a pleasure in walking here as half you see now do for they have no business here I assure you Man Yes but I 'll assure you then their business is to persecute me but d' ye think I 'll stay any longer to have a Rogue because he knows my name pluck me aside and whisper a Newsbook-secret to me with a stinking breath A second come piping angry from the Court and sputter in my face his tedious complaints against it A third Law-Coxcomb because he saw me once at a Reader 's dinner come and put me a long Law-Case to make a discovery of his indefatigable dulness and my weari'd patience A fourth a most barbarous civil Rogue who will keep a Man half an hour in the croud with a bow'd body and a hat off acting the reform'd Sign of the Salutation Tavern to hear his bountiful professions of service and friendship whil'st he cares not if I were damn'd and I am wishing him hang'd out of my way I 'd as soon run the Gantlet as walk t'other turn Enter to them Jerry Blackacre without his Bags but laden with Trinkets which he endeavors to hide from his Mother and follow'd at a distance by Freeman Wid. O are you come Sir But where have you been you Ass And how come you thus laden Ierr. Look here forsooth Mother now here 's a Duck here 's a Boarcat and here 's an Owl Making a noise with Cat-calls and other such like Instruments Wid. Yes there is an Owl Sir Old He 's an ungracious Bird indeed Wid. But go thou Trangame and carry back those Trangames which thou hast stol'n or purloin'd for no Body wou'd trust a Minor in Westminster-hall sure Ierr. Hold your self contented forsooth I have these Commodities by a fair Bargain and Sale and there stands my Witness and Creditor Wid. How 's that What Sir d' ye think to get the Mother by giving the Child a Rattle But where are my Bags my Writings you Rascal Ierr. O Law Where are they indeed Aside Wid. How Sirrah speak come Man You can tell her Freeman I suppose Apart to him Free 'T is true I made one of your Salt-water Sharks steal 'em whil'st he was eagerly choosing his Commodities as he calls 'em in order to my design upon his Mother Apart to him Wid. Wo'nt you speak Where were you I say you Son of a an unfortunate Woman O Major I 'm undone they are all that concern my Estate my Jointure my Husband's Deed of Gift my Evidences for all my Suits now depending What will become of them Free I 'm glad to hear this Aside They 'll be safe I
warrant you Madam Wid. O where where Come you Villain along with me and shew me where Exeunt Widow Jerry Oldfox Manent Manly Freeman Man Thou hast taken the right way to get a Widow by making her great Boy Rebel for when nothing will make a Widow marry she 'll do 't to cross her Children But canst thou in earnest marry this Harpy this Volume of shrivel'd blur'd Parchments and Law this Attornies Desk Free Ay ay I 'll marry and live honestly that is give my Creditors not her due Benevolence pay my Debts Man Thy Creditors you see are not so barbarous as to put thee in Prison and wilt thou commit thy self to a noisom Dungeon for thy life which is the only satisfaction thou canst give thy Creditors by this match Free Why is not she rich Man Ay but he that marries a Widow for her Money will find himself as much mistaken as the Widow that marries a young Fellow for due Benevolence as you call it Free Why d' ye think I sha'nt deserve Wages I 'll drudge faithfully Man I tell thee again he that is the Slave in the Mine has the least propriety in the Ore You may dig and dig but if thou wou'dst have her Money rather get to be her Trustee than her Husband for a true Widow will make over her Estate to any Body and cheat her self rather than be cheated by her Children or a second Husband Enter to them Jerry running in a fright Ierr. O Law I 'm undone I 'm undone my Mother will kill me You said you 'd stand by one Free So I will my brave Squire I warrant thee Ierr. Ay but I dare not stay till she comes for she 's as furious now she has lost her Writings as a Bitch when she has lost her Puppies Man The comparison's handsom Ierr. O she 's here Enter Widow Blackacre and Oldfox Free To the Sailor Take him Iack and make haste with him to your Master's Lodging and be sure you keep him up till I come Exit Jerry and Sailor Wid. O my dear Writings Where 's this Heathen Rogue my Minor Free Gone to drown or hang himself Wid. No I know him too well he 'll ne'r be Felo de se that way but he may go and choose a Guardian of his own head and so be Felo de ses beins for he has not yet chosen one Free Say you so And he sha'nt want one Aside Wid. But now I think on 't 't is you Sir have put this Cheat upon me for there is a saying Take hold of a Maid by her Smock and a Widow by her Writings and they cannot get from you But I 'll play fast and loose with you yet if there be Law and my Minor and Writings are not forth-coming I 'll bring my Action of Detinue or Trover But first I 'll try to find out this Guardianless graceless Villain Will you jog Major Man If you have lost your Evidence I hope your Causes cannot go on and I may be gone Wid. O no stay but a making Water while as one may say and I 'll be with you again Ex. Widow and Oldfox Manent Manly Freeman Free Well sure I am the first Man that ever began a Love Intrigue in Westminster-hall Man No sure for the Love to a Widow generally begins here And as the Widow's Cause goes against the Heir or Executors the Jointure Rivals commence their Suit to the Widow Free Well but how pray have you past your time here since I was forc'd to leave you alone You have had a great deal of patience Man Is this a place to be alone or have patience in But I have had patience indeed for I have drawn upon me since I came but three Quarrels and two Law-Suits Free Nay faith you are too curst to be let loose in the World you shou'd be ty'd up again in your Sea-kennel call'd a Ship But how cou'd you quarrel here Man How cou'd I refrain A Lawyer talk'd peremptorily and saucily to me and as good as gave me the Lye Free They do it so often to one another at the Bar that they make no Bones on 't elsewhere Man However I gave him a Cuff on the Ear whereupon he jogs two Men whose Backs were turn'd to us for they were reading at a Booksellers to Witness I struck him sitting the Courts which office they so readily promis'd that I call'd 'em Rascals and Knights of the Post one of 'em presently calls two other absent Witnesses who were coming towards us at a distance whil'st the other with a Whisper desires to know my name that he might have satisfaction by way of Challenge as t'other by way of Writ but if it were not rather to direct his Brother 's Writ than his own Challenge there you see is one of my Quarrels and two of my Law-Suits Free So and the other two Man For advising a Poet to leave off Writing and turn Lawyer because he is dull and impudent and sayes or writes nothing now but by Precedent Free And the third Quarrel Man For giving more sincere Advice to a handsom well-drest young Fellow who ask'd it too not to marry a Wench that he lov'd and I had lay'n with Free Nay if you will be giving your sincere advice to Lovers and Poets you will not fail of Quarrels Man Or if I stay in this place for I see more Quarrels crouding upon me let 's be gone and avoid ' em Enter Novel at a distance coming towards them A Plague on him that Sneer is ominous to us he is coming upon us and we shall not be rid of him Nov. Dear Bully don't look so grum upon me you told me just now you had forgiven me a little harmless Raillery upon wooden legs last night Man Yes yes pray be gone I am talking of business Nov. Can't I hear it I love thee and will be faithful and alwayes Man Impertinent 'T is Business that concerns Freeman only Nov. Well I love Freeman too and wou'd not divulge his secret pr'ythee speak pr'ythee I must Man Pr'ythee let me be rid of thee I must be rid of thee Nov. Faith thou canst hardly I love thee so Come I must know the business Man So I have it now Aside Why if you needs will know it he has a quarrel and his Adversary bids him bring two Friends with him now I am one and we are thinking who we shall have for a third Several crossing the Stage Nov. A Pox there goes a Fellow owes me an Hundred pound and goes out of Town to morrow I 'll speak with him and come to you preesently Exit Novel Man No but you wo' not Free You are dextrously rid of him Enter Oldfox Man To what purpose since here comes another as impertinent I know by his grin he is bound hither Old Your Servant worthy noble Captain Well I have left the Widow because she carry'd me from your company for faith Captain I must needs tell thee thou