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A56636 A consolatory discourse to prevent immoderate grief for the death of our friends. Patrick, Simon, 1626-1707. 1671 (1671) Wing P778; ESTC R25580 71,107 164

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patient That little sadness will banish and chase away all the greater that else would seize on thee hereafter There will be little to do when death comes if thou constantly dost this Thy soul will be so loose from them that thou wilt not give a shrike none will hear the strings crack when you are separated Death will not be a breaking of your society but a fair and easie untying of it Nothing will happen to you but what you have looked for long before and you shall be able to say This is not the first time that I have seen my dear friend dead Yea think with thy self that thou seest thy own body laid in the grave and that thou feelest thy self as cold as a clod of Earth Think that thou art turned into rottenness and dirt and that thou art forgotten by thy neighbours If thy soul can endure these thoughts then why should it be troubled at the death of another This is a kind of death to be so separated from thy body in thy thoughts It is all one not to be in the body and not to feel that thou art in it Raise thy mind then up toward heavenly things fix thy thoughts on God and the life to come think that thou seest thy self in heaven among the Saints of God and while thy soul is there it is not in thy body here below This kind of death differs from that which will be hereafter in this only that then thou wilt be more perfectly out of thy body But if there be no trouble in this separation which thou now makest even whilest thou art in it There will be far less trouble one would think quite to part with it and to get from it We must not let false opinions live And the way to be dead to these earthly things is to change our opinion of them and to see them to be what indeed they are empty and unsatisfying changeable and unconstant Of this I have spoken before in the former discourse but seeing in it a thing so great and fundamental to our contentment let me again present you with it We are the cause of our own grief by magnifying the things of the world to such a value that the loss of them shall be worth so many tears We think that they are happy who are rich and honourable though they be never so wicked and unskilful how to live 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c. L. 1 cap. 19. We presently cry up a man for wise and what not Who to use Arrianus his phrase is preferred by Caesar though it be but to be Groom of his close-stool And on the contrary we despise vertue if it be in a thread-bare coat and count him a fool who is unfortunate No wonder then that we cry and whine like children when we lose any of these worldly things seeing we think our selves more happy than men in the enjoyment of them We think that we are undone when we part with that which we have such an high opinion of and there is no way to make us think that all is safe but by altering of that foolish opinion We expect what cannot be and will not be content with what may easily be We cannot make the things of this world to be still and quiet but may make our selves so and the way to that quietness is well to consider their inconstancy and that our happiness is in something better It was a good rule which Pythagoras gave to all his Schollars and is the same that I would have you learn 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Do not walk in the high way i. e. Do not follow the common opinions be not led by vulgar and popular apprehensions Rectifie the ordinary conceits which you have carelesly entertained of things and judge of them as they are in themselves and not as they are reputed of If we would do thus then that which is the cause of our sorrow would be the cause of our tranquillity because nothing hath left us but that which we knew would not stay with us We mourn now because things are so inconstant but then we should not mourn because we knew them to be inconstant If we could make it good that any of these things are ours then I might avouch it that they would never have left us But if they were not ours why are we offended that God doth what he will with his own And besides shall we who are so inconstant oblige all things besides our selves to constancy Shall we whose desires are so restless and uncertain expect that all things but only we should be stable and quiet No let us look into our selves and we shall find so much difficulty to settle them that we shall not wonder that other things are unsettled And again if things be so mutable why should we not think as I have already said that they will one day change to what we would have them But suppose they should what are we the better If our opinion be not turned too we shall be as much afraid to lose them again seeing they are so unconstant as now we are desirous to have them by the benefit of their inconstancy We must therefore alter our esteem of things now else we shall only change our trouble but not be rid of it when things are changed Adeo nihil est miserum nisi cùm putes c. So certain it is that nothing is miserable but when we think it is so and that nothing will make us happy unless we think that we are happy And we had better think so now than stay to be taught this lesson by the dear experience of a great many troubles Let thine estate be never so prosperous yet if thine heart be unmortified thou wilt never be the nearer but rather the further off from settlement For they that have the greatest abundance are the soonest disturbed by every trisle because they are not used to have any thing go contrary to their humour But if thou wilt take any comfort from the unconstancy of things let it be this That if thou thinkest thy self therefore unfortunate because those things are gone that were joyful then thou mayst think thy self happy enough seeing the things that are unpleasant are going away also And think I beseech you once more and be of this opinion That there is nothing better in this world to thee than thy self As long therefore as thou hast thy self why shouldst thou be troubled especially if thou thy self thinkest never the worse of thy self because thou art poor and destitute of friends For these take away nothing of thy self nor can any thing in the world deprive thee of thy self And as Boethius well saith This is the condition of humane nature that it then only excels all things here when it knows it self but when it doth not it is below the very Beasts For it is natural for them to be ignorant but for a man it is the basest vice especially
our departure doth not part friends now but makes them cleave the closer untill they depart Let us be willing they should die and that will not abate of our love for we cannot be willing untill we have loved them as much as we can We shall be loth they should go without the best testimonies of our love and that will make us only improve our time to have the benefit of them and they of us Seneca tells in one of his Letters Epist 63. that he who gave a great deal of good counsell to others not to grieve was himself almost made an example of one overcome with grief But the truth of it is saith he there was no other cause of that mourning which I must now condemn but only this I did not use to think that my friend might die before me I only had in my mind that he was younger much younger than my self whereas I ought to have added What is this to the purpose Though he ought I imagine to die after me yet he may die before me Because I did not thus meditate I received a stroak when I was unarmed which went to my heart But now I think both that all things are mortall and that there is no certain order of mortality That which may be at all may be to day And if you think that your friend may die to day then why do you not begin to mourn since his death is at hand unless you mean to take it patiently when it comes If you will lament the death of your friends so sadly why do you not prepare your lamentations seeing death may be so near If you think it is not so near then it is likely your sorrow will be violent when it comes because sudden If you think it is and yet do not mourn then why should you lament that so sadly at night which you did not weep for at all at noon There were some creatures they say in Pontus Plutarch whose life lasted but one day They were born in the morning and came to their full growth at noon and grew old in the evening and at night dyed If these animals had been masters of the reason that we have would they have lamented after our fashion would they have mourned for one that chanced to dye at noon when as it could not live longer than night No that which is necessary it is no great matter when it comes And because we are of a longer life our trouble at death is not to be the greater but the less For it is a greater wonder that we did not die many daies agone than that we die to day The kind of death is not so considerable as death it self But some will say that it is not death it self but the kind of death that so troubles them They could have been contented if he had gone out of the world another way But I beseech you do you know what will please your selves Can you tell what sort of death it is that would content you are there any that do not blame their hard fortune and wail and mourn as if none were so miserable are not men equally troubled if one die of a Feavour and another of a Consumption if their love be equal It is very plain that he that perswades himself to part with his friends will not grieve for the manner of the parting He that can overcome himself in the greater cause of grief will not suffer the less so easily to overcome him And therefore you see that men have alwaies something to find fault withall If a friend die in a far Countrey then they say Alas that we should not see him before he dyed how sad is it that we should not take our leave If he die at home then they say who could endure to hear his groans how sad was it to see him in the agonies of death If he die and speak nothing then they say O if he might but have told us his mind if he had left us any remembrances it would have been some comfort If he did speak then they tell his speeches to every one and say O my sweet child or friend I shall never forget thy words Would you have me put out of my mind his dying speeches and so those sayings are a perpetuall nourishment and food to their grief If he die on a sudden then they lament because he was snatched rather than went away If he die of a lingring sickness then they say he was nothing but skin and bone a meer Anatomy never any creature endured so much as he did And so they complain they know not for what for they would not have had him gone away so soon but spun out his life till he lookt more ruefully And indeed men never want some pretences for these complaints but the true reason is that they would not have had their Friends to die at all In what glass soever this potion had been presented they would have swallowed it with the same disgust And I must confess it is very bitter yet we should not study to make it worse than it is but by digesting such considerations as these receive it with a better countenance and take it down more easily For which end let us proceed further and weigh what follows SECT V. Which contains comforts against the loss of Children Parents Consorts Friends upon a due consideration what every one of them is We must consider who the persons are that die LEt us consider well who it is for whom we make our lamentations Who is it I say that death hath taken away from us Perhaps it is an Infant a poor little weakling newly crept into the light And this hath the least of wonder in it of all other things that such a little spark of life should be blown out Comforts against the loss of children A greater wonder it is that it was not strangled in the gate of the womb A little while ago it had no life and it is now but as it then was We were once content without it why cannot we be content without it now It never loved us nor was capable to shew any affection to us and therefore we may the better part with it It was scarce tyed to our heart and therefore it need not make the strings crack It was not unwilling to go out of the world and if it had lived longer death would have been more against its will It hath lost no great matter for it knew not the benefits of life It hath cost us nothing or we have been but at a small charge about it and therefore our loss is not so great neither as we make it If it could have known the miseries of living and it had been put to its choise very likely it would not have chosen to live but to be what now it is It hath not blotted its soul by any sin nor deflowred the Virgin purity wherein it was born
to say the truth God who made us all created this man as an example of humane nature so that all eyes were turned towards him all tongues praised him and many could not believe Arinthaeus to be dead when they heard the sad tidings of it But he hath suffered only that which shall one day befall the Heavens the Earth and the Sun it self He dyed also in his full splendor and by his happiness in this world did not forfeit that of the next Translate therefore thy mind from things present to the care of those that are to come so that thou mayst be worthy by good works to enter into the same place of rest and repose Spare thy aged Mother Spare thy young Daughter who have no other comforter left but thy self Be an example of courage to the rest of women kind and so moderate thy passions that thine heart may not fail thee nor thou maist not be swallowed up of grief And above all things look to the great reward of patience which is promised by our Lord Jesus Christ in recompence of what we do here Do not think as he adds in another Epistle to her * Epist 202. that any affliction idlely befalls the servants of God who are under his speciall care but for a proof of their sincere love to our Creator For as great labours bring the Athletae to their Crowns So are Christians by these tryalls brought to perfection if they receive with a becoming patience and all thanksgiving whatsoever is ordered by our Lord. And there is nothing I assure you but is administred by the goodness of our Master and therefore ought not to be received as grievous though for the present it hurt our weakness For though we know not the reasons by which every thing is done as good by our Master yet this we ought to perswade our selves that what hath hapned was profitable either for us because of the reward of patience or for the soul departed that it might not be farther ingaged in a world so full of wickedness These were the arguments whereby he comforted other persons as well as her as appears by his letter to the Wife of Brison * Epist 347. To whom he adds these words Let thy Children be as so many lively Pictures of him to comfort thee in his absence Let thy thoughtfulness and care about their education draw aside thy mind from these sad reflections And by a constant solicitude to please God the rest of thy life thou wilt get an excellent ease and quiet to thy afflicted thoughts For a preparation for our defence before Jesus Christ and a study to be found among those that love him will be sufficient to obliterate all our sorrow so that we shall not be swallowed up in it The same he writes to one that had lost an excellent Wife * Epist 346. A person so fit for him that they might see themselves in each other as in a glass But why should we contend with such a Law of God as is past so many Ages ago We are not the first nor the only persons that suffer on this fashion It is a common thing for all to die though to have a good wife is peculiar to few whom God blesses The truth is to grieve for a separation from a wife is one of the gifts of God For I have known many that have parted with them just as if they had thrown off a burden The rest I shall not recite because I would leave some room for a long Discourse of another great Person * St. Chrysostom upor 1 Thess Hom. 6. addressed to disconsolate Widdows the sense whereof is this I have lost saith some sad soul not only my companion but my guide my stay my shield my second self I doubt not of the Resurrection which St. Paul treates of but what shall I do in the mean time Much business I have to manage but I am become only a fit prey for every Cormorant who hath a mind to be unjust The servants who before reverenced me will now despise a silly Woman If my Husband ever obliged any body Alas It will be soon forgot now that he can do them no further kindness But if he did them any wrong they will be sure to take a severe revenge on me who am not able to resist them This is the thing that breeds me all my anguish set this aside and his death would not give me such a torment What shall we answer saith St. Chrysostome unto this Truly I could easily demonstrate that not what they pretend but an unreasonable passion is the cause of words so sad and dolefull If this were the cause of their lamentation then they must never cease thus to bewail themselves But if after a yeares time all these tears are dryed up its certain the want of their defence and comfort which will then be most felt is not the only cause of them But let it be supposed that this is the fountain of all their sorrow yet consider how much infidelity there is in it that we should think it was They who took the care and patronage of us not God It cannot chuse but provoke his displeasure to see a Creature of his more beloved than himself and therefore perhaps he took away thy Husband because he was more to thee than thy God The only one of Israel is very Jealous and cannot indure to be so slighted that other things should have so much of our affections as his excellent goodness which is therefore to be beloved by us above all things because it expresses a love to us above all other Creatures What was the reason I beseech you that widdowhood and Orphanage were so rare in the old times among good people Why did Abraham and his Sarah and Isaac live till a great old age Truly I think it was because Abraham loved God more than cither of them And when God did but say to him Kill thy Son he went about it as readily as if he had been to Sacrifice a Lamb. But we are heavy and dull we are carried so headlong into the embraces of Creatures that God is fain even against our wills to draw our affections to himself by drawing them away from us Do but love God more than thy Husband and I will undertake that either thou shalt not fall into Widdowhood or shalt not feel it so great a mischief when thou fallest into it And I have a good ground for what I avouch for thou hast him for thy Husband and thy Defence that never dies and that loves thee infinitely more than any man can do And if this reason be not sufficient to convince thee I have a comparison that will do the business Tell me if thou hadst a Husband who loved thee so much as if he had no soul but thine one that was as much beloved of others as be loved thee one so wise and discreet that he was as much admired as
wisedome For his loss was so incomparable that there was no hope he should ever cease to lament it In this I believe he found himself happily mistaken For time which ends all things will end our grief though we strive never so obstinately to hinder it His proceeding is slow as one speaks but the effect is infallible But we may learn by such examples as this the necessity of concocting our own thoughts and setling our selves upon our own rules and prescriptions Otherwise we shall be in danger as he pathetically expresses his misery to celebrate the obsequies of our friends in a sadder manner than the Heathen did For they sacrificed to their Ghosts only with the blood of Beasts but we shall offer up to their memory all our counsels and be at the charge of losing our very Reason A recapitulation of the chief things that have been said Meditate therefore seriously of what hath been said Think that you are not losers by your friends gains and that there is no reason to be sorrowful when they are filled with joy We love our selves indeed better than we do them and are troubled at our own loss not at theirs but then if the loss be our own we can tell better how to repair it This is our comfort that it is in our own hands to ease our selves if we be the cause of our own trouble Consider often that it is as natural to die as it is to be born That God gives us every thing upon this condition that we should be content to give it up again when he pleases to call for it That God is a loving Father and doth every thing for the best That he would have us love him more when he leaves us nothing else to love That nothing can be dismally sad which by his grace and our care may be turned into joy That we ought to turn our sorrow into care lest there be something worse to sorrow for even the sin of our immoderate sorrow That we ought to live so that we may comfort our selves with hope we shall see our friends again that die in the Lord. That seeing we must die too and others must weep for us by our life we must leave them something to comfort them in hope that we are better than if we were with them We must often consider how much of our grief depends on meer fancy and not on things We were perhaps at a great distance from our friends while they lived and did but seldom see them The case is not much altered now that they are dead If we have sustained a loss we do but double it by losing our own quiet and comfort also And yet there is more cause of thankfullness than of repining both that we had them so long and also that God hath taken away only them Our grief at last must cease and that which will end it then may end it now Or if it must end it self by its own weariness it is a shame that Religious reason cannot do more than meer length of time can do It is but as we our selves would have it who would have been loth to have died first Or else it is as they would have it who would have been loth to have out-lived us and been so sad as we make it necessary to be They are not quite gone away but only gone before And by sorrow we may tread too fast upon their heels Let us henceforth place our chiefest comfort in God for if one be taken away then so may another There will be every day new matter of trouble and unless we be better provided against it we shall be every day miserable This world is the place of sorrow and therefore seeing there are things enough to trouble us let it not be our work to create trouble to our selves Trouble is a thing that will come without our call but true joy will not spring up without our selves If any sorrow should oppress us it must be for our sins And when we mourn for them let us be sorrowful we were no more thankful for such enjoyments as we have now lost Let these tears also teach us to take off our affections from worldly things all the pleasure of whose possession is scarce big enough to compensate the trouble of parting with them And above all remember that Jesus dyed and entred into the Grave as well as we and that by his Resurrection he hath opened the gate to immortal life and is in glory at Gods right hand and expects your coming thither where he is out of this calamitous place and that in the mean time you should not disparage your hope in him by impatience under the loss of any other thing And then your wisedom to distinguish the value of this world from the next and your Religious fear to offend our merciful Father and lose his blessing by repining at what he doth will undoubtedly preserve you from all inordinate and undutiful sorrow be the cause of it never so great FINIS
If it have any thing to complain of it is only this that it was born And therefore let us be content for it is better perhaps for it and not much the worse for us If we weep so much for an Infant what shall we do for a man Either let us now let down the sluce or else expect that we shall then be drowned If he had lived to be a man it might have done as we do miserably bewail the death of its children And therefore either let us not thus bewail it or else think it happy that it lived not to be so miserable as we think our selves Unreasonable to mourn for one when we have more and both waies our grief will be cured But suppose it be a child of a larger growth whose death extorts these tears from us Yet it is but one and we may have many more remaining Shall we lose all the content of a great many because we suffer the want of one If the life of this one would have pleased us so much then how joyfull should we be in the life of four or five If it be such a grief to lose a child then let us be thankfull that we lie not under the miserable grief of losing them all But if we cannot take this patiently then I doubt we shall run mad with impatience if God should take them all away We must learn to part with more by parting willingly with this one for all must die too Can he bear a stone weight who cannot endure the load of one pound and yet how justly may we fear that all the rest should shortly follow seeing we fret so much at Gods hand in this Suppose that this was the most goodly child yet not fairer sure than all the rest put together Or if he was most beautifull yet some of the others may be more wise If this had all our love then we may learn now how to divide our love equally and take pleasure in loving more If he loved us most then he would have wisht us if he had thought of it not to make our selves miserable by mourning for him Dion Chryst Orat 30. So Charidemus said to his friends when he was a dying It is Gods will that I should die and there can nothing that is hurtfull come from him I am very willing to die and I beseech you believe me in what I say for I have a greater care to speak truth now than any of you can have Grieve not for me for I grieve not do not make your selves miserable for I think not my self to be so 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 As much as ever you are able refrain from all sadness for no sad thing hath befaln me Thus we should say to our friends if we love them and therefore their love to us should not make us sad because they would have all they love to be chearfull If they could tell us their mind they would certainly bid us cease our mourning and therefore let us end it of our own accord Let there be such an harmony still between us in our wills and desires that we may not be wailing and lamenting when they are wishing we may be comforted Or when we may have more But let it be supposed that it is an only child yet are there not many hopes that you may have more who gave you this cannot he give you another hath not he that hath the keyes of the grave the keyes of the womb also If one die then as long as the world lasts another shall be born And if we desire children for the good of the world then so they be born it is no matter by whom But if for our sake then we may have them as well as others though perpetuall grief and sadness you may be sure is not the way to procure them Or if God will give us none then we may adopt one Any child will love us as if it was our own if it know not that it is any bodies else Nay any one will love and serve us for what we have and instead of one we shall have many that will thank us more than he perhaps to be our heirs but if we have nothing then why should we desire children for to leave them miserable but as I said why should we not hope for more and those better than him we lost with this hope David comforted Bathsheba his wife 2. Sam. 12.24 who bare a Jedidiah a man beloved of the Lord. If we count it such a strange thing to die then it should seem it is an ordinary thing to live and so why should we not expect the new life of another But if it be no strange thing to die then as I have said already we may well be comforted Or if we should have no more yet this may be some comfort that then we shall have no more to mourn thus sadly for Yea suppose thou art the last of thy family and name as was the great Scaliger and Lipsius also another excellent Scholar it is no great matter seeing the world is not to last long If thy name must have an end what needest thou to trouble thy self when it ends And if men can think it no harm to suffer their name to die of it self as Scaliger did who would not marry why shouldst thou be troubled if thine perish after due care to preserve and uphold it Or when it is uncertain whether they or none at all be better But then if thou hadst never so many children yet who knows how they may prove If they should be bad then thou thy self wilt say that it had been better they had never been They that thou mournest for because they are dead might have given thee greater cause of mourning if they had lived If the death of a child be sad his wickedness would have been far sadder for that is a worser death He that dies doth trouble his Parents but once but he that is bad is a perpetuall torment to them He that is dead cannot indeed help his Parents but then he doth not hurt them as many a bad one doth For those that are dead we only grieve we do not fear but for those that are bad we fear perpetually and we grieve also yea all the sorrow we now conceive at their death will not equall perhaps the meer fear which we should have had from their infancy lest their life should prove bad It is said in the life of John the Patriarch of Alexandria that a Merchant came to him to pray for a son of his that was at Sea that he might be safe Within a moneth the child dyed and his ship likewise was cast away And when he was much troubled at this double loss he thought one night that he saw the Patriarch standing by his bed and saying to him Thou desiredst me to pray that thy son might be safe and behold now he is safe for he is dead If
time and this Thou wast as much without them then as now thou art why shouldst thou not be as much contented now as then All the difference between those that want a thing and those that lose it is only this that they who lose it once had that which they that want it never had Now shall we be the more troubled because we once had it one would think that their trouble should be the greatest that neither have it nor ever had it We have reason to be more pleased that we had it if there were any good in it and if there was none then we have no reason to be displeased that we have it not Say hadst thou rather never have enjoyed thy friends than now be deprived of them Was thy condition worse or better heretofore If it was but equall to thy present then thou hast reason to be equally pleased Remember how thou wast then and be so now If it was worse then why shouldst thou be now worse troubled If it was better then why didst thou change it seeing thou knewest that all must die No question it is better to have enjoyed a good thing than never to have known it And therefore seeing thou art no worse now than thou wast once but hast been better than once thou wast be not more troubled than thou wast once yea be less troubled We may be worse But secondly compare thy present condition with what thou maist be This is not the worst that may befall thee in such a world of miseries Suppose then that thou shouldst lose all thy children as Job did and then lose thy whole estate that the Sea should swallow one part and the fire burn another and theeves rob thee of a third and bad debtors quite undo thee Suppose after all this that a fire should begin to burn in thy own bones and that should break into boils and they should break into scabs and thou shouldst be poor even to a Proverb as that holy man was Must thou not be contented then But how is that possible seeing thou canst not be contented now If such a showr of tears fall from thine eyes for this little loss then sure thou wilt make a flood or a deluge But what wilt thou do at last after all thy lamentations Wilt thou kill thy self Then it seems thou takest death to be the end of all troubles and I wonder thou shouldst be so troubled at that which hath eased thy friend of them Or what else wilt thou do comfort thy self Try how thou canst do that now for if thy stomack refuse cordials in this distemper never expect that it will digest them when thou wilt be far more sick and apt to vomit them up again If Job had cursed the day wherein he was born at the first breach that God made upon his estate what expressions of grief below a great sin had he left for himself when he sate upon the dunghill The good man took the first losses so patiently that all the rest which befell him could not move him to greater impatience Do thou remember him and say to thy soul Come be quiet this is not the worst that may betide us we have no such cause to cry as we may have Let us learn Patience against a time when we may have more need of it And then if we should be brought to the very dust and fall as low as the dung of the earth yet there is another way of considering what may be besides this We may be better We may be as happy again as now we account our selves miserable Our sorrow may be turned into joy as our joy hath been turned into sorrow Weeping may endure for a night but joy may come in the morning according as I have said in the former discourse And so it was with Job whom God blessed in his latter end Job 42.12 more than in his beginning We have seen the end of the Lord saith the Apostle James that the Lord is very pitifull Jam. 5.11 and of tender mercy But then this pity of his is to be obtained only by Patience If we cannot be contented it is needfull we may think that he should teach us it still by greater losses We have more than we want Thirdly Compare what thou hast lost with what thou hast not lost God leaves commonly more than he takes He takes away thy children perhaps but thou hast thy Husband and he is better than ten sons Or if thou hast lost thy Husband also yet thou hast thy self and why should a living man complain And thou hast God himself whom nothing can take away from thee Or if thou hast him not yet thou maist have him and who knows but that therefore thou hast lost thy friends because thou hast not him God hath taken them away that thou maist seek after him Wouldst thou have been willing that all thou hast should have been lost rather than this one friend Shall God raise him from the dead and all the rest go into his Tomb Wilt thou have all or else take comfort in none Then God may well take away all and let thee have something to cry for Yea who is there destitute of all friends and comforters Job himself was not so spoiled that they had robbed him of his friends Though they did add indeed to his grief yet it was their mistake and not their want of love And if we should have no better then we may give God thanks that he lets us see more than all our friends Yea it is a great mercy that God gives us time to cease our grief and trouble And perhaps we have riches and a pleasant dwelling delightfull walks c. Or if we have not and can bear that patiently then we may soon learn how to bear this Do the poor people of Norway weep when they eat Barthol cent 4. Hist An. cap. 16. because their bread is made of the barks of trees and sometimes of chaff not of Corn as ours is If there were no trees nor chaff nor no such thing to fill their mouths they might well cry but as long as we have what is needfull we should be content for nothing is so needfull as that Let us not then weep because we have not so many friends as we had for we have more than we deserve Let us not mourn as though we were desolate when we want but one no more than we complain of hunger when we have all variety of chear except one dish that we love most But We have more than many others Fourthly Let us compare our selves if you please with others In other cases this is a thing we love to do though there be so much danger in it that it may undo us If we be guilty of any fault then we comfort our selves in comparisons and think that we are not so bad as others Now that which we are apt to do when we do ill we
like a man in another World What was there that he did for us which we do not now receive at his hands Let us be as quiet now as we would have been on such an occasion Especially since we know our Friend still lives and we have hope to see him again Naturall affection I confess in either case will make us big with sighs and burst forth often into tears We feel we are not as we were before There is something wanting which we formerly enjoyed And it is an old acquaintance perhaps which Nature cannot but be loth to part withall Get a new Nature then and that will mend all Though the first motions be so free that they owe no tribute to reason Yet when they come we shall be carefull not to follow them If we do it will not be very far Religion and reason if we hearken to them will teach us to restrain our selves Religion as a great person * Joseph Scalig. Epist 139. ad Is Casaub speaks will not suffer us not to will what God wills And Reason will teach us to bear those things with an equall mind which do not happen to us alone and which we cannot by all our tears make not to have hapned They will not let us expect that time should take away this sickness from us That is the Remedy of vulgar spirits Sapientis est tempus ipsum antevenire dalori ipsi nascenti occurrere It is the part of a wise man to outstrip time and get before it To prevent a grief that is a growing and strangle it in the very birth And indeed from hence we conclude that it is not meer Naturall affection neither to which We commonly owe our sadness and sorrows but the freshness and presence of the cause of them For time as was said will make us forget them or if our parents had dyed a little after we were born we should never have wept when we came of age to think that they were departed It is no hard matter then for a considerate person to cease his grief seeing it depends upon such small causes And if any one shall say that it is Love to the good of the world that makes him mourn for the loss of an usefull person He hath reason to rejoyce that he loves the good of men so much For then he will labour to do much good in the world himself and he will perswade all the friends he hath remaining that they would do all the good they can and repair that loss Our friends if Good are not lost II. But let me further ask you Was thy friend Gods friend also or was he not If he was the friend of God as well as a friend of thine why should not he have his company rather than thou If he was not Gods friend then he could not be thine neither No man can love us aright that doth not love God and if he do love God why should we think much that he goes to God But supposing he was very dear to us then I say that if he was Bad thou oughtest to have mourned for him before this For then thy tears might have done some good which now are altogether unprofitable Seven daies saith the son of Sirach Eccles 22.12 do men mourn for him that is dead but for a fool and an ungodly man all the daies of his life But if he were a Good man then thou needest not mourn now for thou mayest hope to see him again if thou art Good Thus thou mayest comfort thy self My friend is not gone but gone before He is separated from us but not lost He is absent but not dead He hath taken a journey into a far Countrey and there I may go to see him What matter is it whether my friend return to me or I go to him None but this that if he be in a better place then it is better than I go to see him than that he come to see me Should we not desire to be better our selves and not to have him made worse then let us contentedly follow as fast as we can hoping there where he is to embrace again We cannot expect him in our house but he expects us in his He cannot come down to us but we may go up to him He cannot come back but we may follow after And there is no diffrence as I said between his visiting of us at our home and our going to see him at his but only this that it is a great deal better for us to see him there where he is and not where we are now our selves Let us not mourn therefore for that which cannot be but rejoyce for that which may and will be And let it comfort us that we shall come together again but in a better place than we would have it we shall have our desires fulfilled but in a more excellent manner than we desire And if in the mean time he can do us any good we may be sure we shall not want it As they are nor lost so we have had them long III. Ask your selves again Why should you mourn more for your loss than be glad for your enjoyment If there be so much reason to lament the absence of this friend then it should seem his enjoyment was very valuable Think therefore of the sweetness thou hadst in that which thou wouldst purchase again with so many tears Is there no comfort but only in things present Is it not a piece of our folly to forget what we have enjoyed Shall we only think what delight we have lost and not of what we have had We do not know whether we have lost any but only that which we had and that we may think of as much as if he were alive Of what we have enjoyed we are certain but there is no certainty of what we should have found in our friend for the time to come Think then of the time past and rejoyce that thou didst find so sweet a friend Imagine not how long thou mightest have enjoyed him but think how long thou didst It was but naturall to lose him but it was supernaturall to enjoy him All men are born to die but all men are not born to live so long before they die All men have acquaintance but all men have not friends Therefore he that hath a friend and hath him so long is to acknowledge that God is very much his friend He was not ours but was given us by God or rather he was not given but only lent We had not the propriety but only the use We have not lost any thing that was our own but only restored that which was anothers And therefore now that he is taken away we are not to be angry that God requires his own but to be thankfull that he hath lent us so long that which was none of our own And assure your selves there is nothing more unreasonable than to mourn that God gave us a
how didst thou deserve to have the friend which thou hast lost If thou art able or hast ever given any comfort unto others administer then the same cordials to thy self Why should not that satisfie thee which thou expectedst with so much reason should satisfie them What thou wouldst say to another if his friend was dead that say to thy self And if thou wouldst wonder that he should reject all comfort then do not make thy self a wonder Didst thou never tell any man that it is a shame to be impatient when we can cure our selves That they suffer nothing but what God and nature have appointed that we must all expect such losses that no body knows whose turn is next Take then thy own counsell and be not such a Physitian as cannot cure himself at all Is thy distemper different from theirs Are there not the same griefs and maladies in their minds Then the same medicine will cure thee that thou gavest them Or if it would not cure them then thou wast much too blame that didst not seek a better both for them and thee Or is thine some strange loss the like to which never any suffered Then this may comfort thee that thou shalt never suffer the like again For it would be more strange if a thing that never came before should twice fall upon one man It it be so strange to thee then thy courage will be as strange to others If thou art drawn into an example of sufferings then thou maist render thy self an example to all of patience and contentedness And so Seneca saith of the Brother of Drusus that though Drusus dyed in the midst of his embraces and with his kisses warm upon his mouth though he dyed in the very height of his fortune with the most war-like Nations dead at his feet yet he not only put a measure to his own grief but taught all the Army how to be moderate also And indeed he could not have stopt the tears of others unless he had been of so brave a spirit as first to stop his own If thou art a friend therefore unto any let them all learn of thee how to be well satisfied Comfort thy self as thou hast comforted others or else as thou dost intend to comfort them And let it be seen by thy worthy behaviour toward thy self that thou art worthy to be a friend to another person Death doth sometime befriend us XII Ask thy self again Whether friends only be mortal Do none die but they that love us Must not all our enemies and they that hate us die also Death then that makes thee sad may give thee comfort As it puts an end to some comforts so it is the common end of all miseries Though we may not wish for the death of any yet it is no harm to think that they must die who hate us and their rage shall not last for ever If nothing can cease their malignity yet death can It hath done us then no such wrong but what it can repay us with the same hand that did it Though we have now no friend yet shortly we may have no enemy neither This was one support to the Christians under their persecutions that though their enemies like Saul did breath out nothing but threatnings and slaughters against them yet their breath was but in their nostrils and might soon evaporate and vanish away Julian called the Apostate had done more hurt to the Christians than the ten Persecutions if death had not suddenly wounded him with one of his arrows The Marian flames had devoured in all likelyhood a great many more bodies if death had not shortned her reign and so extinguished the fires We have no reason then to look upon it as unkind which may do us so many courtesies not to accuse that of cruelty to us which destroys the cruelty of others towards us XIII And now may you not well make one question more to your selves Contentment hath more to say for it self than grief hath and say Is there not more reason to be comforted than there is to be sad If there be as certainly there is what should hinder your comfort if you live by reason If you do not live by it then nothing that a man can say will comfort you Nothing will chear us unless we think of it and make it our own by meditation neither will any thing sadden us unless we think of it also Seeing then they are our own thoughts that make us either sad or merry and we have more comfortable thoughts than heavy we cannot but be of good chear if we will not be enemies to our selves All that we can say for our sadness is that we have lost a friend a very dear and perhaps only friend But you have heard that there are more in the world and that you have not lost this and that you have more comforts remaining than are taken away and that if you had none but God you had enough and if you will read again what hath been said twenty other reasons will offer themselves to chear for one that arises to make you sad If there was no reason at all to be sad then none need spend any time in giving comfort But if they be very few in compare with others and we are made to follow the most and strongest reasons then he is not to be pityed who notwithstanding the small reason of his sorrow will not be of good comfort The greatest cause that I know of this sort of trouble is when many that we love die soon after one another So it hapned to that Prince which the L. Mountaigne speaks of who received the news of his Elder Brothers death L. 1. Essay cap. 2. whom he highly esteemed with a great deal of constancy and shortly after the tidings of his younger Brothers decease in whom he placed much hope did not alter the smoothness of his countenance But when one of his servants dyed not long after that he suffered himself to be so far transported that he quitted his former resolution and gave up himself to all grief and sorrow The reason of this was not from the love that he bare to his person more than the rest but as he well faith because being top full of sorrow before the next flood must needs break the banks or overflow all the bounds of patience In Dialog cui tit Guilielmus And so Hier. Cardan tells us that after he had partiently born many reproaches and the cruel infamous death of a son of great hopes and the dangerous sickness of another son and the death of his Parents and Wife with many other evils yea and after he wrote a Book of Consolation against all these evils yet he was overcome with grief at the death of an English youth whom he brought from Dover with him as he passed from Scotland in the time of Edward the sixth And he gives the sam reason for it that the other doth
when he is ignorant of himself There was a Fable among the Heathens which wise men understood to contain in it great Philosophy In the midst of this sad discourse it will please you perhaps if I relate it and it will please you a great deal more for to learn and live by it After Jupiter had made the world he thought that men would not be restrained from sin without rewards and punishments and so he made two great barrels the one full of good things the other full of bad to be sent down among men as there was occasion Pandora being very desirous to know what was in these barrels did one day broach them and all the good things flew out towards heaven and all the bad towards hell Hope only and Fear remained in the bottom of these Casks the former in that of Evil things and the latter in that of Good When this was done Jupiter threw down these empty Tubs to the earth and all mortals ran at the rareness of the sight to see what they could find in them Some looked into the one and some into the other and though both of them were empty yet they thought verily that the one was full of good and the other full of evil And ever since it came to pass that here below we have nothing but a fancy or conceit of Good mixed with fear and jealousie and a meer conceit of Evil with some hope in the compound of it The Morral of it is this That the things of this world are but empty Goods and inconsiderable Evils They are our own opinions that trouble us with the shadow of evil and that flatter us on the other side with a fair shew of Good All substantiall Good is in heaven and all dreadfull misery is in hell If we go to heaven we are well enough whatsoever we lose if we fall into sin and so into hell we cannot be well though we should enjoy all the world and while we stay here below there is no good thing we enjoy but is accompanied with fear and no evil we suffer but is attended with Hope And there is no hope like that which is laid up in Heaven of enjoying a bliss sincere and pure without any allay at all Let us turn our minds then toward these heavenly things which they did but dream of in the dark ages of the world Let us heartily believe the Gospel which hath brought to light eternal life And then we shall think our selves happy enough if we lose not those things and perhaps the death of our friends and such like crosses befall us that we may not lose them The Almighty Goodness draws our thoughts and affections by these means from transitory comforts and calls them up thither where we hope our Friends are arrived See saith he here is your Home here is your resting place here is the immortal Inheritance that never fades away If you love your selves mind the way hither and suffer nothing to turn you out of it Whatsoever cross befalls you take it up and carry it along with you Let it only spur you to make the more hast to Eternal joyes Where when we are once seated aloft amidst those glorious objects which then shall incompass us with what contempt as an ingenious Person * M. Malh to the Princess of Conty speaks shall we look down upon this Morsel of earth which men have divided into so many Kingdoms or upon this drop of water whereof so many Seas are composed How shall we smile to see men so busie about the necessities of a Body to which we no sooner give one thing but it asks another and so disquieted through a weakness of spirit which daily troubles them as to unwish that to day which the day before they wished for Enter if it be possible into these generous thoughts before hand Begin to speak of the World as you will do when you have forsaken it Acknowledge it to be a place where you must daily lose something till you have lost all And by these and the like Meditations let your soul assuredly conceive that having had its Original from Heaven it is one of the number of those which must one day return thither In the mean time when the daies of Mourning come and sorrow will not be denyed its place let me recommend this advice to every man As soon as it is possible II. Our tears should be kept for that which is the cause of death and all our tears Turn thy sorrow for thy friend into sorrow for thy sins Remember that thy tears may be due to some other thing and the cure of that will cure all thy other griefs If thou art not a Christian then it is thy duty to mourn neither for one thing nor other but only to bewail thy self Let the dead bury the dead as our Saviour said do thou presently follow after thy Lord with tears Take no care of funerals think of no earthly thing but only how thou mayest be a Christian And if thou art so then thou oughtest to rejoyce that thy sins are pardoned and that thou hast not the greatest cause of grief and this joy sure will swallow up all thy sorrows There is scarce any thing so considerable in our bodies that is seen as our tears for they are the most notable expressions of what is in our hearts The hands as Ant. Guevara observes do work the feet do walk the tongue speaks but it is the heart only that weeps The eyes are but the spunges of the heart through which its affections are drained and dried up An afflicted heart hath neither hands to labour nor feet to walk nor can it find a tongue to speak but tears are all that it hath to tell you what it wants And therefore we ought to reserve these for some greater thing than our dead friends which our heart ought much to be affected withall As our Saviour said to the women of Jerusalem when he was going to the most cruel sufferings so might our friends say to us when they are a dying Weep not for us but weep for your selves if you be dead while you are alive Mourn more than you do if you have not yet mourned for your sins and amended them But if you have then rejoyce in the favour of God and bless him for his Son Jesus who is better to thee than ten Sons or all thy friends which thou lamentest Are our sins dead as well as our friends have we buried them in the grave of our Lord are we risen again to an heavenly life Let us go then to God and pray to him and praise him and this will give us ease But if we be troubled for sin then sure we shall not add another sin by immoderate sorrow and forgetfulness of Gods goodness If it be sin we hate then bitter complaints and discontents must all be hated Would you indispose your self to pray to praise God and meditate in his