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A80602 The scoffer scoffed the second part. Being certain select dialogues of a merry wagg of antiquity. Newly put into English fustian, for the consolation of those that had rather laugh and be merry, then be merry and wise. Cotton, Charles, 1630-1687. 1684 (1684) Wing C6398C; ESTC R231666 24,572 41

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undon Pro. By Heaven that is truly said Have at thy Plotting Loggerhead Men. Hold hold you are beside the saddle Or else your Coxcombs brains are addle T is not with me but Monsieur Paris If you will do the thing that fair is You ought to Quarrel with for he Sans Right of hospitallity Debauch't my Wife and as you knew well Ravish't away my precious Jewel The Bastard like a Thief wou'd come I' th' Night when I was drunk as Drum And firk the Gipsie'bout the Bum. My servants bribe and for a Whimsie Wou'd often hide himself i' th' Chimme With Scaling Ladders made of Garters He 'd often mount into her Quarters For this he well deserves a banging and for what else I know a hanging The Trojans reason have to hate him The Greeks when er'e they can will beat him Both sides so hate the Cursed Elf That now he may go hang himself For want of one to do the favour So save some body else a Labour All that have lost their lives of late Have reason too the Fool to hate He led them on to their undoing And on himself and them brought Ruine Pro. Thou doubly damn'd to Hell with Clods I 'll break thy Head by all the God's I 'll strangle then away thy breath For gulling Men so into Death Nay flinch not Dog for I 'll assure thee Now thou sha't feel my Rage and Fury Paris Truly I think Protesilaus Your angry now without a Cause For you your self a Votary Are to the self same Deity Besides you know we 're forc'd to do What e're he 's pleas'd to lead us to Pro. 'T is true that God is much to blame And is th' chief Cause of all our shame Aea He might have said tho if he wou'd Thou drew'st upon thy self thy blood Since thou must needs run pushing on To purchase Honour and Renown And so wast chopt to death before Thou wast well landed on the shore Forgetting that thou had'st a Whore Pro. I rather shou'd complain of Heaven To leave me thus at six and seven And Destiny that cursed Jade That I shou'd now be thus betray'd Nay faith and troth it was not Civil To send one headlong thus to th' Devil Aea Blame and accuse whom e're you please But let these People live at ease And leave off all this foolish stuff For Hell without it's bad enough LUCIAN Printed for Charles Corbet at the Oxford-Arms in Warwick-lane 1684. Numb 10. LUCIAN A DIALOGUE Between PLUTO and MERCURY Tuesday Feb. 26 th 1683 4. Pluto MErc'ry do'st know that Fellow there Who 's old and rich but wants an Heir On whom so many people wait In hopes he 'll leave 'em his Estate Mer. D' you mean the Sicyonian Pluto The very same Grey-hair'd old Man And prithee Merc'ry do not grudge To be unto his Age a Crutch And let him live and Guzzle on Untill those Fools are dead and gone Who after him so often dance Expecting his Inheritance Do this and you 'll obliege me too In troth you will I prithee do Mer. No 't is unjust to kill the Young And let the Aged live so long Besides the like was never known 'T is turning Nature upside down Pluto Come nimble Tongue you are mista'ne 'T is very just as I 'le explain For why shou'd they have his Estate Who by no way to him Relate And 'fore his Face to gain his favour Desire he may live for ever Make Vows in publick for his Health As if they valu'd not his Wealth When privately they wish him cold That they may share his Bags of Gold Therefore good Merc'ry see it done He ought t' out-live 'em ev'ry one And tho perhaps it make 'em snort all Let 'em believe he is Immortall Mer. And now I think on 't faith they do Deserve to be all Punish'd so Because each Dog may have his due But that which pleases me the most Is to observe how they are tost By him from Pillar back to Post For still 'fore them he seems a dying With all his Fam'ly round him Crying Tho when they 're gone he 's very well And drinks and eats a hearty Meal And this to make 'em all redouble Their Assiduity and Trouble That as their hopes of Death increases They may improve their kind Caresses For he much pleasure takes to teaze 'em And is resolved ne'er to please ' em But now I am afraid at last They 'll want the Means to break their Fast By over eagerness to get Another's Wealth to make 'em Great Pluto Therefore because they 've bin so vain Let him be brisk and young again To boast and brag let them have no cause But make him strong again like Jolaus And for their parts let me Intreat it That to the Guts they may be fretted To see their greedy hopes defeated In Dreams let him his Wealth be sharing Thinking them dead as any Herring But when they waking find it not Let each man cut his proper Throat Mer. But Master Pluto I assure you You ought not to instruct Mercury Come let me see then he did wink And cry'd they 're seven just I think I 'le bring 'em all one after t'other Each Son of Whore or honest Mother Pluto D'b'uy and then you 'll please me too But pray take heed in what you do And let the old Man free from cares Out-live's Imaginary Heirs LUCIAN Printed for Charles Corbet at the Oxford-Arms in Warwick-lane 1684. LUCIAN A DIALOGUE Between MENIPPUS and CERBERUS Men. THOU Great Triumvirate of Pates And Porter of th' Infernal Gates Tell me when Socrates came down What Face and Humour wore the Clown Deal frankly with me since we are As well as Cyniques Chronies here For as you are a God you can Or bark like Dog or talk like Man Cer. At first he sullen was and Mute Seem'd very bold and Resolute And fain wou'd pass for one that ne'er Was shokt by death or shak'd by fear And did behave himself as well At 's death as any he in Hell But when within these shades his foot He'ad set and drawn the other to 't The 'fore so stout then trembling Spark Did quake and shake to see 't so Dark And when my twice-three Ears I shook He lookt just like one Thunder-strook But when I snarl'd at him and groul'd And with my gaping three-mouths howl'd Snapt at his Shins and 's Stockins Spoyl'd He cry'd and bellow'd like a Child Tormenting's self as if he had Been drunk with Nants or Raving Mad. Men. If so as far as I can gather Than Valiant he a Cheat was rather And did not when he hither Coasted Despise and bear death as he boasted Cer. Yes when he saw I must confess That on he must without redress He shew'd some Courage and 't is said He did not seem to be dismay'd But bore it with as bold a Brow As the occasion wou'd allow And lookt as if 't was not Necessity But pure Chance-Medly in Adversity Tho I
shou'd both forget it come And let 's cast up the total summ For if we shou'd mistake a Groat thou d'st fret and never mind thy boat Cha. Reckon Mercury for my part I am content with all my heart Mer. Imprimis for thee I lay'd out To buy an Anchor for thy boat Twenty five pence in ready Dust For honest Swabber I 'll be just Cha. So much d' you say I 'll vow and swear As things go now that 's very dear Mer. Why faith and troth what e're you think It Cost so much in ready Chink Item let me see two pence more For that to which you tye the Oar. Cha. That 's very well to th' other score Pray be exact set two pence more Mer. Item A Needle I did buy Which cost me four pence half-penny To mend the sails last storm we had Cha. Add them together now my lad Mer. Item For Pitch and Tar and Nails And a small Rope to hoist the sails Just ten pence I laid out for you Cha. That 's very reas'nable I vow Mer. And this is all I think dear Chroney But prithee when wilt pay the Money Cha. Why truly friend I won't harrangue thee But if I have a farthing hang me Yet if the times do mend I swear And there shou'd come a Plague or War That so I might a little juggle And now and then the Custome smuggle I 'll pay thee ev'ry farthing know me That thou wilt say that I now owe thee Mer. And i' th mean time I must by th' Loss Sit down with folded Arms a-Cross And wish that Plagues and Mischiefs may Take half the wicked World away Before you 'll able be to pay me Faith 't is not fair you shou'd delay me Cha. I shan't be able troth before Friend Mercury to pay thy Score Mer. I 'de rather ne're be paid by thee Than all those strange Misfortunes see But this does put into my head A thing relating to the dead Why those dye now shou'd differ so From those folk who dy'd long ago For then they all were brisk and strong Plump fleshy vigorous and young And seldom with a body whole But cut and slasht from feet to poll With darts and spears and many a thwack Oft' lookt like th' man i' th' Almanack Whereas they now are little things Most dying of their surfeitings Pale wan and weak and hardly able To go a hi-lone by a Table Some kill'd by Wine debauch'd with stum Or drinking Supernaculum Others with something else but Mum Some have been sent too by their friends To bring about their private ends Others have suffer'd by their heirs While some have pin'd away with cares Cha. I do not wonder honest friend That Int'rest shou'd so many send For 't is a hard thing now to get Ones own tho prov'd by law a debt Therefore much more to get it by Ones Labour or ones Industry Mer. Wonder not than for well you know me I spoke oth'money that you owe me LUCIAN ADVERTISEMENT There are lately Publish'd some Modern Dialogues Intituled Lucian's Ghost done out of French Printed for James Norris at the Kings Arms without Temple-Bar Printed for Charles Corbet at the Oxford-Arms in Warwick-lane 1684. Numb 8. LUCIAN A DIALOGUE Between MENIPPUS and CHIRON Men. CHiron I've often heard it told That thou did'st wish 'fore thou wast old Death wou'd thy flesh and spirit sever Tho thou had'st leave to live for ever Come prithee tell me why thou wast So fond of Death and in such hast That thou thy self shoud'st break the Bonds Of Life and fall by thy own hands As if thou 'd'st weary bin of breath ' Cause I see no such Charms in Death Chi. I 'll tell thee if thou wilt not teaz me Something fell out that did not please me Which was the cause I wou'd not stay Men. Were you not glad t' enjoy the Day Chi. No I had too much discontent Men. And did'st thou ne're for it repent Chi. No I was never yet so vain And 't is as little to complain Besides 't is dull to live since we In life have no Diversity For still we do to our great Pain The same things o're and o're again We eat and drink and to our sorrow We drink and eat agen to Morrow To Night we sleep and dream and then Next night we do the same agen Thirsting Drinking Eating Hunger So tyred me I 'de live no longer Men. But how did you support your Death When your for it had swopt your Breath Chi. Without a Grudge or was I troubl'd For here my Pleasures all are doubl'd Here 's no Ambition no great places No haughty looks nor bold Menaces No striving to be Rich or great But all 's Hail-fellow here well met 'T is like a Pop'lar-state for here No one must huff or domineer Where ev'ry Cobler is as free And of as high Nobility As any man dare shew his face Or live in such a Govern'd place And what care I for my delight Whether it be or day or night And then we'ave this advantage too We neither eat nor drink below Nor are we Plagu'd with Thirst or Hunger Which than a stone Wall 's counted stronger Or with any other Clogs of Life Or with that Cursed plague a Wife Obedience unto friends or kin Or any other idle sin Nor do we Covet this man's Coney Or that man's house or Patrimony Here we are never wanting neither Of shelter from the stormy Weather And let the frost be ne're so furious Unto our Poor 'tis ne're Injurious Nor do they howl or bawl for Bread Or are the wealthy surfeited But all are here alike and free from mortal Inconveniency Men. Chiron take heed you do not do What you wou'd willingly eschew And so relapse as if decoy'd Into the fault you wou'd avoid For if thy life to thee was pain By doing the same things or'e again Sure now thou 'st ' cause to grieve since we In Hell have no variety Chi. Tell me Menippus if it Please thee What I must do to make me Easie Men. Why what was done in former Ages To gain Content by th' Antient Sages And to believe what can't be cur'd In life or death may be endur'd LUCIAN Printed for Charles Corbet at the Oxford-Arms in Warwick-lane 1684. Numb 9. Tuesday Feb. 19 th 1684. LUCIAN A DIALOGUE Between AEACUS PROTESILAUS MENELAUS and PARIS Aea BY Pluto I demand the Cause Why thou dost thus Protesilaus No sooner thou art enter'd Hell in But straight thou Kick'st and Buffets Helen And fal'st upon her in such manner As if thou 'd'st make a Devil on her Pro. Furies and Hell pray is not she The cause of all my misery Such Wheed'ling things the Baggage did do That my poor Wife liv'd like a Widdow Besides my Family was spoyl'd For by her means I had no Child Aea Ud's Death bang him who was the cause That to'ther Cuckold Menelaus Who to those Mischiefs led thee on By which thou fairly art