were to admitte Professed foes to vertue by theyr trade To godlinesse and goodnesse oppositte And of all mischiefe verye roote and blade So for the Master of the dysing house He sayd he would not aunswere to that name And thereof he mislyked meruelous And for I termed him so he dyd me blame Would God it were so sayd the company And that men dyd accompt as myckle shame In deede to execute iniquitye As them were lothe thereof to haue the name In déede quoth he I kéepe an ordinarye Eight pence a meale who there doth sup or dyne And dyse and cardes are but an accessarye At aft meales who shall paye for the wine These wayten all vppon our principall As collourable cause to bring them in And then from thence to sheere money they fall Tyll some of them be shrieuen of theyr sinne But of this game and other harlotrye That there is vsed both by daye and night Suffiseth me to waren riche thereby Thereafter yet in name I wyll not hight This challenge was holden peremptorye Such as of further tryall had no néede A trade maintained though vaine glorye And pride and many a lewde and shamefull déede The veluet brech sayd that it was not so He sayd it was both false and sclaunderous To his good name and to a number mo By such as were of his welth enuious And of his good estate and countenaunce Which was not small ne with the lowest sort And praied witnesse of his fowle misparlaunce That of a Gentleman gaue such report A man that for his welth his land and fée Is taken as I sayd among the best For fortye pound a yéere dispend maye hée That he hath purchased this is the least The bréeche of cloth sayd whereto is this glose Of welth of friendship and possession Which serueth not to this present purpose But from our matters are dygression For welth wée holden no conclusion What so it be of golde or reuenew Namelye gotten by the confusion Of youth and other meanes lewd and vntrew But he remaineth that he was before A wicked wretche yea and a great deale worse His craft and lewdnesse cause of his great store His house of sinne a mother and a nurse But to the wydowe and the fatherlesse Their iudgement and experience They answeared and that with quicke addresse And this was all theffect of their sentence That his attendaunce here was litle woorth Nor yf it were gods wyl in other place So thought the rest and bad him get him foorth And forward on our matter gan we pace Then came the daunsing master well be séene Who somewhat eke misliked of that name Master of Musicke termed would haue béene A Science liberall of noble fame The bréeche of cloth to him a chalenge tooke And sayde to hym he neuer yet was fréend For in his schoole his arse be neuer shooke The schoole of pride where only it dooth end Where well is him that brauest shewe can make In hose and doubled leueled by lyne Poynted bottoned as in a brake No silke ne veluet there is holden fyne And as for me I am as welcome there As yf in Pairis garden ye haue béene The dogges are welcome to the Bull or Beare Which for to doon them mischiefe are ful kéene The veluet bréeches foorthwith answeared And sayd he spake full like such as he was A foole that knewe nothing of lustiehed But all his liue had liued like an asse Ne knew what dyd become a gentleman And brought him into fauour and to grace And to no small preferment now and than If finely with a woman he couth trace A thing not inferior to vertue And hath prescription for her vsage The story of king Dauid is not newe What so the foolish breeche of cloth doth rage The breech of cloth as touching lustiehead Made answeare that he knew not what it was But it were youth with wealth yrauished To spoyle them selues and their name to deface As many he had knowen do thereby And as for fauour that it purchaseth A wanton minde may cast a fantasie But as it lyghtly came it vanisheth And whereas of prescription ye tel And for such filth aledgen vsage Of that good patriarke of Israel To that good king ye doon great disparage His daunâ—ssâ—ng was sul far vnlike to this Who hath the story read and vnderstood For woman led he none certaine that is And on his backe ware a linen Ephood Ne there did tricke of xv or eleuen Of both the which to whom he came the next I dare wel vndertake he lacked seuen Read yf ye fynd such matter in the text Or in his daunce obserued cinquopas Saue playne and simplie leaped as for ioye His wyfe Mycholl ne liked of the grace Resemblyng him to a light head boye For sturdie proud and arrogant was shée And thought it ful vnséemely and vnméet To see a prince of that humilitie To daunce amid the people in the stréet And namely in a simple white Ephod Wherefore she cast him in the téeth withal But what sayd he I wyl yet serue my god And lower yet before his face wyl fal Which hath disherited thy fathers house And chosen me to sit vpon his seate He bryngeth downe the proud presumptuouse And kindly doth the humble sort entreat Her woordes and eke his answeare to the same Ye may finde written in the booke of kinges How earnestly the good king shee dyd blame And him disdayned for his dooinges So when I sawe the matter goe so hard And so defended by the breeche of cloth Well said I let the triours then award And iudge indifferently betwéene ye both With that the wydowe and the fatherlesse Sayd they thought well of mirth and melody As things that heauy mindes dyd oftredresse So that no further euyl came thereby Which was a matter hard to vndertake Where daunsing was practised to much And lusty gallant for his Ladyes sake Supposeth as him selfe there is none such For there is woonderfull abuse quoth she Euen among the playne and simple sort Where nought els but a Bagge piper is to see Yet is there pride and follie in their sport And rather then they wyll not be as fine As who is finest yea as smooth and slicke And after sit vppermost at the wine Or nale to make hard shift they wyll not sticke Suche humble curtesies and such louing lookes As there béen vsed practised and taught There neede to lecherie none other bookes Ne other schooles to bring young folke to naught Shortly they sayd he was a man vnméete And to the veluet breeches perciall So then I spake to him and bad him fléete And take his ease and dyd another call Which was the husbandman the séelie Hinde And he no sooner was come in the place Then veluet breeches gan great fault to finde And for his simplenesse dyd him disgrace And tooke not his chalenge particular But sayd he was vnwoorthy and vnable As he by proofe and reason would auer And to
the cloth bréeche also fauourable And for the fyrst poynt was to him denied Which was concerning his habilitie He sayd that his addicion implyed No thing so litle as ciuilitie Nor knowledge in such causes to debate Of pollicie or educacion But rather of his mattockes and his rake With whom he hath his conuersacion For of al other folke he knoweth lest And farthest is from learnyng from skil But yf it be in fodderyng of a beast Then howe can he be iudge of good and ill And so much for his fyrst exception To prouen that he was a man vnméet And partial he would him proue anone For causes that he would vs done to wéet Besides that he was insufficient And had not .xl. s. of fréeholde Which was another matter that he ment That from this charge also doth him withold The breech of cloth mayntayned the reuers And in the matter sayd he would be short And fyrst he would the chalengers rehearse And to theyr answeare orderly resort For ignorance and insufficience For want of .xl. s. of free holde Because that of his non indifference No cause was shewd he knewe not what there would Conserning fyrst of al his ignorance And that he was vnwoorthy for to déeme In matters of so great importance He sayd the contrary was dayly séene And that they should not charged be to saine Matter that was in learning and iudgement For to their handes it shal be made so plaine And eke by proofe so playne and euident That ere they could not but of wylfulnesse And of their proper malice wittingly Then want of learnyng is not wickednesse Nor yet appropriate to husbandry An art aboue all others commendable For eld of tyme and for necessitie I meane to mans lyfe so seruisable As other none science ne facultie Requireth learning payne and diligence To dealen with the earth that is so iust Where but he marke the heauens influence In steade of corne oft shall he gather dust And but he deale with iudgement and with skyll Obseruing well his seasons tymes and houres And in due order plant sowe set and till And wysely can foresée the wyndes and showres He dooth not well deserue to haue that name And that these thinges are not of importance Who so it sayth I holde him much to blame As of our lyues the greatest sustenance A Science holden alway reuerend Of which also yf I should speake the prayes And for the woorthynesse should it commend It might suffice a woorke for many dayes By kinges and patriarkes that han it vsed An art by God so loued that from thence To choose a king oft tyme he not refused As Samuel dooth beare good euidence As touchyng his fréehold I wyll not mell But put it to the tryours to enquire And as they finde the trueth so let them tell Which is asmuche as ye both can desyre The tryours sayd he had sufficient And quickly of that doubt resolued vs They sayd he myght spend xls rent And in the Queenes booke was assessed thus Thus are those causes fully answeared Then said the bréech of cloth and further prayed He might be sworue that was more bast then nede Quoth they of veluet for he had not sayd Ne spoken for to proue him parciall Which at the fyrst was one exception Goe to quoth wée he answeared so I shall And forward with his matter is he gon As sure quod he as where is discordaunce And opposition of qualitie Can be no friendship ne alliaunce So sure I am this plowman hatcth me For veluet bréeche are not for his weare To toyle and tomble in the durt withall He hateth too much costlinesse of geare And sayth therein is purpose none at all Besides all this howe he doth sclaunder mée As one that geueth daungerous counsell Both against him and eche other degrée A whole day would not serue me for to tell He sayth I was the chiefest counsellor And first that bad his Landlorde rayse his rent And after for to sell both farme and manor And made him borrow where he might haue lent Such extréeme pylling and such bryberie As neuer was hard tell of or this age The villain sayth it is all long of me He sayth I haue brought men into that rage That no man is content with his estate No nor yet woman by your leaue saith he And thence ariseth such sute and debate At Westminster as daily is to sée And Offices so very profitable That by a man hath had one seuen yéere Is some can vse them now he may be able With Esquier Knight or Baron to be péere I know I haue had oft his bitter curse For he is somtime pynched for my sake But no force for his words he shall fare worse This is the third exception that I take The bréech of cloth made answer that him thought This opposition of qualitie And all the other causes by him brought Were no proofe that he parciall would be To any wight that truth had on his syde Whom for to doubt is almost to confesse That by a iust iudge he dare not be tried And said his challeng did implie no lesse For he him thought of that indifference That he in all this earth ne hateth wight Ne would but for pure zeale of truth dispence Ne shrinke for King ne Caesar from the right And prayed me to speaken what I thought If this obiection were answered Which he against the husbandman had brought For long he thought to be deliuered He prayed the widow and the fatherlesse Their minde what they thought therof to tell Who shortly did their mindes therin expresse And said the challeng was auoyded well So was the plowmen taken to the rest And sworn to deale according to the troth Then forward in our matters we vs drest Betwene this bréech of veluet and of cloth Then called I the Shoemaker and Smyth The Tanner graisier and the Vintener Who ready were at hand and came full swith And challenged of neither part they were As men like fauorable vnto both No more vnto the one then to the other Saue to the vyntener the bréeche of clothe Spake thus in gentle wordes said my brother ▪ Your lycour is so mightie and so strong And therewithall it goeth down so soft That of your guestes some bibb therof so long Till from the ground it lifteth them aloft Higher as they suppose then any stéeple In all this Towne Saint Mighell or the Bow ▪ No longer are they of the common people And if they talke of beggers no I trowe But all of Myllions of markes and poundes And of their credite and their great chaffare An Oake is but a trée no by his woundes So that ye wynne theee by what dooe ye care Or els for other fowle and filthye talke Which is so lou'de aud common in your house Your cheker man for it doth kéepe no chalke Wherefore me thinketh it were perillous By such a man as ye are to be tryed Whose trade
ruffes were both of one So fyne that I might see his skinne them through Which is as much to say as he had none This was a husbandman a simple hinde Whome when I called had and bad come néere And of the matter told him all my minde He aunswered with milde and gentle chéere Syr quod he gladlye would I doon ye prowe If in this matter I had halfe the skyll That I haue in my harrow and my plowe I pray ye of my wordes to thinke none yll I bad him not doubt therof and told him more He should haue fellowship and assistence Lyke as ye had ne tell the knight before And of the matter certen euidence Then was he well contented therewithall Looke what is in my knowledge my might Helpe you quod he with all my hart I shall Then on my matter further I gan me dight To make them full then found I other me A Shoemaker a Weauer and a Smith A Haberdasher of smale wares also I now me thought to trie our matter with For I remember not the certaintie Of all the residue that weren there Their names their science and their facultie For haste also I nould of them enquere But these vnto my pannell dyd I wryte And read their names that euery man might here And not full fowre and twentie names recite For sure I was twelue of them would appere Then spake the parties vnto me and sayd Them thought that som of these were chalēgable Whereof aduantage either of them praid If any vpon cause they could disable Reason quod I that was agréed vpon before But who shall iudge and trye your challenges Your selfe quod they no sure quod I therfore Appoint some other to that busines Yea twoo or thrée thereto wyll scant suffice To iudge of them and theyr indifference For secréete cause of fauour maye arise Which must be searched which great aduertence By such as haue experience therein And of aduersitye haue had theyr part For who so beaten in the world hath bene No further néede he take degrée of art With that they were content and dyd agrée To chose them tryers as I had thought méef I asked them how many they sayde thrée In the name of God quod I so be it Nowe did there in the place alreadie stand A woman well nigh fiftye yeres of age A young boye and a young wench at her hand Thinne was their weede and light their cariage The woman and the wenche were clad in russet Both course and olde and worne so very neere That ye might see cleane through both sléeue gusset The naked skinne whereas it dyd appeere Their hosen and their shooes were all of one I meane both for the woorkmanshyp and leather To wyt their skinnes for other had they none And chapped were they sore with wind weather With homely clouts I knitt vpon their head Simple yet white as thing so course might be The boy much like them was apparelled For hose ne shoe vpon his foote had he With that I called them and they came nere And bad god spéede and saue the company Then I did aske them who and whence they were They answeared me of the North country In Comberland as farre hence as Kendall And Copie holders were of tenant right I wotte not howe the Lorship they dyd call But hold they dyd by seruice of a knight To serue the Prince at an howres warning And asken neither wages fée ne hyre Ne choise of time at midnight or at morning All were it raine or shine in durt and myre Nowe hath a churle quod they take it in leace To wytte the Lordshyp with the perquisite And for I we mought not pay our terme doth cease So our inheritaunce haue losten quite The company thought pitie this to héere Alas quod I this is great crueltye All gate I bad them all be of good cheere And praye to God to send you remedye And sith ye ben come hether at this time I wyll not let you stand in ydelnesse For ye shall haue the charge should haue ben mine And méete are ye that haue ben in distresse Which teacheth man to know the good from yll And eke to trye a true friend from a shrow Which vnto them that haue all thinges at wyll And liue in welth is verye hard to know With that I vp and told them all the case Whereof before they hadden hard the chiefe And that of no small credite was the place Of truth and vertue for to maken pryef They all alledged theyr simplicitie So dyd the veluet breches them disable And of their choyse misliked vtterlye As them that were too vyle and miserable To iudge in causes of such importaunce For howe can it be possible quod he But they ben lewd and of great iguoraunce And would in no case that it should so be The breche of clothe sayd that it was not so They were right méete the challenges to trye As symple folke were chosen long agoe To greater charge but if the byble lye And is reserred to the multitude Who aunswered they were not to refuse So therevppon we dydden all conclude Theyr seruice in this busines to vse WEll then widow quod I and fatherlesse Which both by god vnto vs are commended Haue good regard vnto this businesse Vntyll that with your helpe we haue it ended For you can speake of your experience That ye haue séene felte hard and vnderstood And of the passed gather consequence And iudge betwéene the euill and the good And if it fall in reason to decide Morall decrée or constitution My helpe and knowledge shall not be denide Vntill we haue them tried one by one And sithe we become this farre in the case As ye haue hard from present haue ye been And loked both the parties in the face That sharpe are set as ye haue hard and séene And specially the playntiue whom ye here his estymation how he doth hold And of him self how he accompteth deere So is his aduersarie partie bold And other wayes accompteth woorthynesse Besides alledgeth his antiquitie And that nought but his owne he would possesse Discended to him from his auncestrie And for this cause we are assembled here My selfe and all these others whom ye see To make this matter that is doubtfull cleere If God wyll therein wyl graunt vs facultie Therefore as I shal reade their names eche one If eyther party chalenge any man And shew cause ye are iudges therevpon Vnto that cause to speaken what ye can And it alowe for good or otherwyse To disalow it in your iudgement Wherin I redd you that ye be precise And for the trueth to doo your good intent They answeared with all their harts they would Protesting their vnablenes of skil I bad them doo no more but what they could For God requireth of a man but wyl With that I read their names for to appere And fyrst the knight ▪ the squire and gentleman Who at the first made answear
thou hast to bosten thee withall They lost the landes their fathers conquerid Whereas thou sayest thy foote is woorth my yard That is vntrue saue that for argument Thinges are to man as he dooth them regard And other reason none to myne intent Whereas thou sayest that in thy presence I am of no regarde ne countenaunce That is a lye sauing your reuerence Though with the fooles it often so doo chaunce With that the veluet bréeches as mée thought Began toward the other fast to roll And surely but for mee they would haue fought So I was faine the matter to controll And spake vnto them both as ye shall heere At least as I my selfe imagined Nay freend quoth I ye shall doo him no déere But eche of them sware other should be dead Not so quoth I I know a better way And more indifferent vnto you bothe For when ye haue done eyther what ye may Ye must be ruled be ye léefe or lothe For here ye dwellen in a lande of peace And vnder lawes and vnder Magistrate God graunt them in his graces to encrease That enden wyll full iustly your debate And I my selfe for better was in place Though for my learnyng farre vnwoorthy Towards the lawe these long xv yéeres space And thereof sworne to be an atturney If I may pleaser you with my seruice I am yours to commaund right as ye list For doubt in lawe ye shall haue myne aduise Till better come that wyl herein assist For that I sée the matter is not small Ne yet no trifle wherefore ye contend One would fayne haue his owne the other all And herevpon the matter dooth depend The one him bosteth of his woorthynesse And of his natiue soyle where he was borne And how that he hath rowm in throng and presse Because that of the wealthy he is worne The other sayth he is this countrey man Here hath he dwelt and here led all his lyfe And here wyll dwell say thother what he can Nowe for to end all this debate and strife And both your mindes therein to satisfy The best is all your quarell and complaint To haue heard and debated orderly And eche man tell his tall without restraint But howe so ye your selues doo estéeme Ye are not Iudges thereof nor shal be But twelue or foure twentie shal it déeme And this is reasonable thynketh me To tell your price and vertues ye haue leaue And your effectes your causes and your end Which their well vnderstood wyl not deceaue Nor suffer vs to erre as I entend And for you veluet bréeches finde ye gréeued And of this clothen bréech to haue had wrong Ye may seeke orderly to be relieued So wyll I doo quoth he or it be long And make him yéeld to myne obeysaunce And to confesse that he hath nothing here Bnt only at my wyll and sufferaunce As I doubt not it plainely shall appere The other saide as for obeysaunce He ought him none homage ne fealtie All were his lookes bigge and his countenaunce And fréendshyp great all that ne doubted hee His cause was good his title auncestrell For in this Countrey was he borne and bred And but yf lawe sayd nay here would he dwel So then vnto them both I answeared Sith eche of you dooth thinke he hath a right And for to trye the same ye are so bent Declare and bring your title into light Trespasse or disseison of franke tenement And shewe your title and whence ye deriue it And yf ye thinke this good ye veluet bréeche The clothe shall pleade ye non dissesimit And thus without long circumstaunce of spéeche Vpon this issue ye haue libertie For proofe that he hath done ye disseason To alledge what so ye can bethinke ye And therein at our handes to aske for reason He answerd to be plentiffe in thassise He thought not good ne ment not so to be And that it was not good I dyd aduise A Iury may be perciall quoth he For I am woorthyer by muche then he For many causes that I can alledge But yf they wyll séeme suche to the Countrie I doubt or of them yf they wyl take knowledge For I am here a straunger in this lande And saue of late yéeres of small acquayntaunce The common people dooth not vnderstand My woorthynesse estate ne countenaunce My aduersarie is their countrey man And is not so chargeable vnto them Therefore wyll they doo for him what they can But yf they were of Towne and Citizen For of the hyndes or of the paysauntie I feare I should not haue indifferents For I know they beare no good wyll to me Because my freendes their purses often rents This doubt is vaine thereof assure yée Quoth I for whom ye thinke not indifferent Ye may may him chalenge from your Iury And shewe your cause why from him ye dissent And as that cause shall séeme allowable By proofe or reason that ye for it make It shal be holden acceptable Thereafter to receyue or to forsake Goe foorth therefore as ye began in order Vntill ye come to matter issuable Of all the which I shal be the recorder And howe so it shal be determinable To wit by Iury or by iudgement I shall direct you by my skill And to you both shal be indifferent Nowe haue I sayd truste me yf ye wyll Your woordes quoth he dooth sound to reason So I may haue my cause heard all at large Let him pleade me null ne fort null disseâ—son Enter my pleas where with I wyll him charge For I am sure they wylbe sumwhat long And so the Iury gladly wyl mée take Or leaue some of my plea to doo me wrong The other partie would it not forsake But pleaded him the issue generall And prayed as the other prayed before To enter his matter especiall One thing the veluet bréeches moued more For who shall iudge our chalenges quoth he I answeard yf it fall in learning I If not ye shall haue triers two or thrée That shall iudge of their indifferencie I am content quoth he my chalenge saued My matter shal be tryed by thassise It is but right quoth I that ye haue craued And foorth they went as I shall you deuise I meane the bréeche of cloth in his replie And tooke his holde agayne whereas he left Whereas thou sayest thou canst doo more then I. I knowe great is thy subteltie and craft To let one in where I can not doo so And speake where I am hidden hold my peace Full many a wight that woorketh mikell wo When of their farme expired is their lease In penall statute and concealed land For so thou tearmest it for thyne encreas Full hardly can the poore escape thy hand That they ne finde thy lampe both oyle greas THus haue I answered quoth he thine argumeÌ„t From point to point that hast thou not qd he With that I looked vp and had a glent Of one that came toward vs leasurely Soft then quoth I
is galiaudise drinke and disport Both which are friendes to wylfulnesse and pride Contrary to the sober godly sort For from your house you send them forth so hotte So verye ranke their blood so sore incensed That shame and feare of sinne is cleane forgotte And hart and minde are therevnto licensed The filthye whoredome I take to witnesse That is so common and so exercised I wyll not saye the Sodomites had lesse Ne for it smaller punishment deuised Then vp and downe to haue them by cart To shame such as knew neuer any shame And lesse of Godlye nurture any part But oft laughan slylic at the same The Veluet bréeches for him aunswered And for strength of his drinke excused him For he allayed them both white and red And oft with water made them small and thinne â–ª Or with some other wine that was full yll So that if any it mistempered It should séeme at the least against his wyll That from him went so many a drunken hed As for theyr lewde talke and their harlotrye He was no officer to punishe them But as he might and had aucthoritye Their good drinke as I sayd to ming blenne And good inought he thought to spoyle and waste For when the drinke hath once their hed posse The good and yll to them hath all one taste So that they paye for it as for the best And where he sayth that whoredome is in wine And dronkennesse he sayd that was not true In all though in some and namely for the time For some quod he had more néede to goe spue As they that béen full ill at ease and sicke And haue not might so much as they haue will Till they haue slept but after if they kicke Allas the day is that so great an ill That it should néede so great a pnnishment The vintener amercing them so déepe That though they haue not grace for to repent Their wife and children oft for hunger wéepe And this he doth the rather for my sake The other answered he thought no lesse And said thereof non oath him neadeth take So was it put vnto the fatherlesse And widowe for to saie therof their minde They said the chaileng was not principall And that the creature of proper kinde Was good though we offenden therewithall As for the Seller though there were abuse And much vngodlines within his house He might alledge vnwares for his excuse And eke to deale with such is daungerous No further then by faire perswasion Which to these drunkerds and vngodly Doth rather kindle more occasion To wickednes and life vnthriftie Therefore was he admitted to the rest And as his fellowes all did him before Vpon his othe did faithfully protest They had me count or I tooke any more So then I called them as ye shall here The Knight the squire and the gentleman The Baker Brewer and the vittaller The Tanner graisier and the husbandman The Haberdassher and the Vintener The Bricklayer and the Smyth also The weauer and with him the Shoomaker So was onr Iury full complet and mo For I them counted no lesse then fiftéene Yet would I put none of them out againe The moe thought I the better wyll they déeme So then to open them the matter plaine I read them ouer all the whole record Euery point and article at large And eke the sense and meaning of eche word I shewd and therwithall what was their chargâ— And had them for a time to go aside And ripely of the matter to debate And pray to God therein to be their guide That they ne did but right to none estate With that they went from me a certaine space Not full the distaunce of a hundred foote I with the rest abode styll in the place And sodainlye while I aside dyd looke Me thought I was ware of a company That downe the hyll dyd come an easie pace Thinking to me they meant to gone vs by As passagers that would to further place Tyll I perceaued by the way they tooke They meant to turne from vs to neither hand Then gan I neerer vpon them to looke Whence and who they should be to vnderstand And sawe them thrée in number moe ne lesse Youthfull as theyr apparell dyd report But who they were or whence I could not gesse Weaponed in verye defensable sort Eache of them hauing at his syde a sword And in his hand a buckler large and brode Wée mused all what would hereof beword Yet sayd nothing sayd but in our place abode And loe where yet came from the other syde Thrée other like in euery regard Vnto the fyrst and faste against them hyde To meten them who came as ye haue hard We gan to maruell what they ment to doone And gessed diuersly of their intent For that they dyd eche toward other come We iudged all some straunge purpose they men One gessed surely here wyll be some fray For whiche this tyme and place appoynted are And truely but alas and well away Farre other wyse then all we were aware And that the bréeche of cloth fall dew abought As ye shal here before this matter end And of their crueltie whiche there they wrought Vpon the gyltlesse who might not defend A storie pitifull and lamentable Inough to warne eche wyght that he ne trust To worldly proffer fals and deceyuable Which turneth as the wheele of fortune lust Agaynst all wysedome counsell and forecast Agaynst all hope and expectation Howe so we builde howe so weâ—tyen fast When we thinke surest fare well all is gon What so it was in shewe or likelynesse Of what securitie or assuraunce One minute turneth it to nothing lesse As in this matter ye shall sée dyd chaunce This breeche of cloth hauing in all our sight His cause so good that néedelie must he winne And that the verdict must néedes fynde his right And that in all our iudgementes well â—â—â—…hym Yet came he to a miserable ende A great example of al humane chaunce From which yet no wyght may himself defend While Fortune hath his matter in ballaunce Which plainely for to shew as it befell And where I left to take my hold agayne These fire of whom I told you fayre and wel In two companyes as ye heard me sayne Directly came toward the bréech of cloth By vs tyll vnto hym they came so nere As that the breech was midd betwene them both And then spake one of them as ye shal here Thoâ—â—â—â—â—â— of cloth thou wéede of lowlines That hast not feared to mayntayne thy cause Agaynst this garment of such woorthynes And al of confidence theâ— hast in lawes And told and vttered hast in thy defence Such thinges as were not meete to béene i know And better had thou of them kept silence Then tel them to thyne vtter ouerthrow Thou shalt therefore be a memorial Of such as with their betters daren stryve In cause neuer 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and there withal Upon the breech they al tooke hold belyue
But for to see how they him puld and halde My selfe and others of the company That it beheld for pitie were appald To sée them shew that extreme crueltie For thrée and thrée laid hold vppon a syde Vpon the panes before and eke behynde That one pane from another gan to ride Both out syde and that where with it was lyude So that they were defaced in a throw And péece by peece so very smal itorn That there nys man so connyng that couth know Or gesse what garment they had ben beforn Not so much as the codpéece was exempt Or for his seruice so much fauor found As not to be in péeces al to rent And here and there in péeces throwen a ground I reade of no suche execution But it were Pentheus that dyd dispise The Bachanals and dissolution Done to that dronken god in sacrifice Of whom his mother and his néerest fréendes In maintenaunce of their idolatrie Became the truel murderers and féends Reade Ovids Metamorphose it I lye The Iury when they sawe the bréeche itorne And sawe by consequent the strife was ended For which they were impanelled and sworne And for they wist not what was them intended Away ranne they eche man in all he might Ne chose their way but as aduenture fell Or I it wist they were nigh out of sight To folowe them I néede aske no councell But after them as hard as I could gon So fast mee thought as neuer yet dyd man But he were legged as was Acteon When he vnware had looked on dyan Nor neuer turned once to looke behinde For all our matters and our businesse They were the furthest thing out of my minde For that no hope remayned of redresse But for to make an end as I haue sayd Thus ended was our matter of debate I sodenly out of my sléepe abraid And at the fyrst full pensiue was and mate And looked all my chamber round about And called to remembraunce all my sweuen And yf I were at home yet gan I doubt I meane where as I layd me downe at euen So when I had a whyle consydered And viewed well the wyndowe and the wall And founde my selfe betwéene my shéetes in bed I gan to sigh and thanked God for all I sawe the day that now gan to disclose And Phebus rysing with his golden beame Then thought I sodenly vpon my hose Such was yet my remembraunce of my dreame I looked where I layde them ouernight Vpon my bedde euen at the very féele And when I sawe them whole in good plight If I were glad it was not for to wéete Then cast I in my minde where I had béene And mused of these matters that I mett So straunge and so incredible to weene And to that end I would them not forget I purposed to write them in a booke Yet therewithall I had this fantasie They wyll but laugh at me that on it looke And yf they doo I lose not all thought I. For laughter healthy is and profitable And signe of both men say where I haue béen Of heale and weale which both are delectable For common is this 〈◊〉 they laugh that wyn So that it hurt no wyght shal me suffice Which yet it can not do but yf they wyl For they may shutt theyr eares or close theyr eyes ▪ That feare in hearing it taken ill Thus wandred my mynd in matters smal And how that as smal things were put in thought Though some iudge of it i◠so wyl not al Nor hym condemne of folie that it wrought So after al these thinges consydered As also that it was long to endite Now wyl I proue quoth I my simple hed What he hath kept and what he can recite And helpe me all this matter to contryue In order as it passed in my sléepe If in hym be vertue memoratiue To hold the thinges geuen hym to kéepe And haue it written to my remembrance Without omitting matter principal Although that some what of the circumstance I haue for want of caryage let fal Therefore besech I euery gentle wyght That shal it reade to iudge of it the best The rather for it is not in our might What we wyl dreame in bed when we do rest But as it falleth vs by aduenture Both for the substance and the qualitie We can not couenant by Indenture Ne yet compound before what it shal be And therfore though it haue smal appearance To be a trueth let no man it dispise Or him that wrot it for no recompence Saue labour for his paine without reprice For who so shal estéeme his labour lost That shal it read he may thinke therewithal I lost more manifold both paine and cost Yet neuer gréeued me ne neuer shal For while I wrote this I dyd nothyng els Saue that I kept mynd from idlenesse The cause of harlottry as Ouid tels So wyl it them that read it as I gesse Better I wys then Amadis de Gaule Or els the pallas forced with pleasure Who though they promise honny yelden gale And vnto coales do turne theyr fained treasure Or Ballads that entreate of naught but loue Of plaints vnkindnesse and of gelosie Which are of woonderfull effectes to moue Young peoples mindes that reade them to folly Of whiche neuerthelesse we dayly see How many and how cunning are the Clarkes I bidde ye not herein to credite me Beleeue their writinges their noble warkes But to my purpose whiche I haue attained For my defence and of my dreame also There is no man alyue that here is blamed I knowe not such a man as weren tho That by the bréeche of cloth were chalenged Nor I thinke neuer were for to my wyt They were fantasticall imagined Onely as in my dreame I dyd surmit Wherefore no man thinke him selfe spoken to For any thing that I haue told you in my sweuen Who thinketh he dooth well so let him doo And choose him how this matter he wyl leeuen Besides all this least any man misiudge Of these my woordes or hold me parciall As bearyng to the buttockes any grudge More then vnto the other members all Because my matter hath ben of a breeche ▪ Which is their habit and their couerture To thinke none ill therein I them beseeche Or that their losse I haue ment to procure As that they might not weare as may the rest I meane the members of more worthines For sure I hold they ought to weare the best And if ye read S. Paule he saith no lesse Wherefore to buttockes euil I ne ment More then vnto the belly or the backe Or else the head concerning ornament For nature hath more furnished their lack They may with lesse shame be discouered And naked then the lower partes may be Though yet vnseemely sauing for the head Of man for why of God th' image is hee And is the ground of reason and the roote The seate of vnderstanding and of wit Guide of the rest yea both of hand and foote