themselves serve thee for a warning and keep thee perpetually humble CHAP. VII That grace is to be hid under the veil of Humility CHrist. Son it is more profitable and safe for thee to hide the grace of devotion not to extol thy self nor to speak much nor to esteem much thereof but rather to despise thy self and fear it as given to one unworthy thereof This affection is not to be cleaved unto which may be quickly changed unto the contrary Think when thou art in grace how miserable and needy thou art wont to be without grace Neither doth therein only consist the proficiency of a spiritual life when thou hast the grace of comfort but when thou humbly self-denyingly and patiently sufferest the withdrawing thereof so that thou be not then less diligent in the exercise of prayer nor suffer the rest of thy accustomed duties to be neglected but that thou willingly perform what lieth in thee according to the best of thy power and understanding not neglecting thy self wholly for the dryness and trouble of mind which thou feelest 2. There are many that when it succeedeth not well with them presently they become impatient or slothful The way of Man is not always in his power but it belongeth to God to give and to comfort when he will and how much he will and whom he will as it shall please him and no more Some unadvised persons have overthrown themselves for the greedy desire which they had of the grace of devotion attempting more than they were able to perform not weighing the measure of their weakness but following rather the desire of their heart than the judgment of reason And because they presumed on greater matters than was pleasing to God they quickly lost his grace They became needy and left in a dejected estate that built themselves nests in Heaven to the end that being humbled and impoverished they might learn not to flie with their own wings but to trust under my wings They that are yet but novices and unacquainted in the way of the Lord unless they govern themselves by the counsel of discreet Persons may easily be deceived and overthrown 3. And if they will rather follow their own judgment than give credit to others that are experienced their end will be dangerous if they will not be drawn from their own conceit Seldom those that are selfwise suffer themselves humbly to be governed by others A little knowledg with Humility and a slender understanding is better than great measures of learning with a vain self-liking It is better for thee to have little than much of that whereof thou mayest be proud He doth not discreetly that wholly giveth himself over to mirth forgetting his former poverty and the chaste fear of God which feareth to lose the grace which he hath obtained Neither is he virtuously wise that in time of adversity or any tribulation whatsoever yieldeth to despairing thoughts and thinketh and imagineth of me less confidently than he ought 4. He that will be over secure in time of peace shall be often found in time of war too dejected and fearful If thou couldest always continue humble and lowly within thy self and order and govern thy spirit well thou shouldest not so soon fall into danger and offence It is good counsel that when fervor of spirit is kindled within thee thou shouldest think what will become of thee when that light shall leave thee And when that doth happen remember the light may return again which for thy instruction and my glory I have withdrawn for a time 5. Such proof is often more profitable than if thou shouldest always enjoy prosperity according to thy desire For a Mans worthiness is not to be judged by the number of visions and comforts which he hath or by his knowledg in Scripture or by his being placed in high degree but in that he is grounded in true humility and filled with divine love if he always purely and entirely seek the honor of God if he esteem himself nothing and unfriendly despise himself and rejoyce more to be despised and humbled by others than to be honored CHAP. VIII Of a mean conceit of our selves in the sight of God CHristian Shall I speak unto my Lord sith I am Dust and Ashes If I esteem better of my self behold thou standest against me and my iniquities bear true witness against me Neither can I speak against it But if I abase and esteem nothing of my self and cast off all self-esteem and as I am account my self to be Dust thy grace will be favorable unto me and thy light will be near unto my heart and all self-esteem how little soever shall be swallowed up in the deep Valley of my nothingness and perish everlastingly There thou shewest my self unto me what I am what I have been and whither I am come for I am nothing and I knew it not And if I be left to my self behold I become nothing but mere weakness But if thou suddenly look upon me I am presently made strong and filled with new joy And it is a great marvel that I am so suddenly lifted up and so graciously embraced by thee that of mine own weight always sink downward 2. Thy Love is cause hereof freely preventing me and relieving me in so many necessities preserving me also from grievous dangers and delivering me as I may truly say from innumerable evils For surely by inordinate loving my self I lost my self and by seeking thee alone and purely loving thee I have found both my self and thee and by that Love have more deeply brought my self to nothing For that thou O most sweet Lord dealest with me above all desert and above all that I dare hope and request 3. Blessed be thou my God for although I be unworthy of any benefits yet the nobleness of thy bounty and thy infinite goodness never ceaseth to do good even to the ungrateful and to them that be turned away far from thee Turn us unto thee O Lord that we may be thankful humble and holy for thou art our safety our power and our strength CHAP. IX That all things are to be referred unto God as unto the last end CHrist. Son I ought to be thy chiefest and last end if thou desirest to be truly blessed With this intention thy affection shall be purified which is oftentimes inclined inordinately to it self and unto Creatures For if in any thing thou seekest thy self thou presently faintest and driest up within thy self Refer therefore all things chiefly unto me for I am he that have given all Consider every thing as flowing from the Highest good and therefore all things are to be reduced unto me as unto their Original 2. Out of me as out of a living Fountain the little and the great the poor and the rich to draw the water of life and they that willingly and freely serve me shall receive grace for grace But he that will glory out of me or be delighted in any particular
we quickly lose by our negligence and oftentimes we do not perceive our own inward blindness We often do evil and excuse it worse We are sometimes moved with passion and we think it to be Zeal We reprehend small things in others and pass over greater matters in our selves We quickly feel and weigh what we suffer at the hands of others but we mind not what others suffer from us He that doth well and rightly considers his own works will find little cause to judg hardly of another 2. The inward Christian preferreth the care of himself before all other cares And he that diligently attendeth unto himself doth seldom speak much of others Thou wilt never be so inwardly religious unless thou pass over other Mens matters with silence and look especially to thy self If thou attend wholly unto God and thy self thou wilt be little moved with whatsoever thou seest abroad Where art thou when thou art not with thy self And when thou hast run over all what hast thou then profited if thou hast neglected thy self If thou desirest peace of mind and true union thou must put all things behind thee and look only upon thy self 3. Thou shalt therefore profit much if thou keep thy self free from all temporal cares Thou shalt greatly decrease if thou esteem any thing of this world Let nothing be greater unto thee nothing acceptable but only God himself or that which is of God Esteem all comfort vain which thou receivest from any creature A soul that loveth God despiseth all things that be inferior unto God God alone is everlasting and of infinite greatness filling all creatures the souls solace and the true joy of the heart CHAP. VI. Of the joy of a good conscience THe glory of a good Man is the testimony of a good conscience Have a good conscience and thou shalt ever have joy A good conscience is able to bear very much and is very chearful in adversities An evil conscience is always fearful and unquiet Thou shalt rest sweetly if thy heart do not reprehend thee Do thou never rejoyce but when thou hast done well Sinners have never true mirth nor feel inward peace because there is no peace to the wicked saith the Lord. And if they should say We are in peace no evil shall fall upon us and who shall dare to hurt us Believe them not for upon a sudden will arise the wrath of God and their deeds shall be brought to nought and their thoughts shall perish 2. To glory in tribulation is no hard thing for him that loveth for to glory so is to glory in the Cross of our Lord. That glory is short which is given and received from Men. Sorrow always accompanieth the glory of the world The glory of the good is in their consciences and not in the tongues of Men. The gladness of the just is of God and in God and their joy is of the truth He that desireth true and everlasting glory careth not for that which passeth away with time And he that seeketh temporal glory or contemneth it not from his heart sheweth himself but little to esteem of the glory of Heaven He enjoyeth great tranquility and peace of mind that careth neither for the praises nor dispraises of Men. 3. He will easily be content and pacified whose conscience is pure He is not the more holy though thou commend him nor the more abject though thou dispraise him What thou art that thou art neither canst thou be said to be greater than what thou art in the sight of God If thou consider what thou art within thee thou wilt not care what Men say of thee Man seeth in the face but God looketh into the heart Man considereth the deeds but God weigheth the intention To do always well and to esteem little of himself is a sign of an humble soul. To refuse to be comforted by any creature is a sign of great purity and inward confidence 4 He that seeketh to witness for himself from without doth shew that he hath wholly committed himself unto God For not he that commendeth himself the same is approved saith blessed Paul but whom God commendeth To walk inwardly with God and not to be possessed with any outward affection is the state of a spiritual Man CHAP. VII Of the love of Iesus above all things BLessed is he that understandeth what it is to love Jesus and to despise himself for Jesus Thou oughtest to leave thy beloved for thy beloved for that Jesus will be beloved alone above all things The love of things created is deceitful and unconstant the love of Jesus is faithful and constant He that cleaveth unto creatures shall fall with that which is subject to fall He that embraceth Jesus shall stand firmly for ever Love him and keep him for thy friend who when all go away will not forsake thee nor suffer thee to perish in the end Thou must once be left of all whether thou wilt or no. 2. Keep close to Jesus both in life and death and commit thy self unto his trust who when all fail can alone help thee Thy beloved is of that nature that he will not admit of a corrival but will have thy heart alone and sit like a King in his own throne If thou couldest purge thy self perfectly of all creatures Jesus would willingly dwell with thee Whatsoever thou reposest in Men out of Jesus is all no better than lost Trust not nor rely upon a reed full of wind for that all flesh is grass and all the glory thereof shall wither away as the flower of the field 3. Thou shalt quickly be deceived if thou look only to the outward shew of Men. And if in them thou seekest thy comfort and profit thou shalt often feel loss If thou seekest Jesus in all things thou shalt surely find Jesus But if thou seekest thy self thou shalt also find thy self but to thine own harm For Man doth more hurt himself if he seek not Jesus than the whole world and all his adversaries could annoy him CHAP. VIII Of familiar conversation with Iesus WHen Jesus is present all is well and nothing seemeth difficult but when Jesus is absent every thing is hard When Jesus speaketh not inwardly unto us our comfort is nothing worth but if Jesus speak but one word we feel much consolation Did not Mary presently rise from the place where she wept when Martha said unto her The Master is come and calleth for thee Happy is the hour when Jesus calleth from tears to spiritual Joy How dry and hard art thou without Jesus How foolish and vain if thou desire any thing out of Jesus Is not this a greater loss than if thou shouldest lose the whole world 2. What can the world profit thee without Jesus To be without Jesus is a grievous Hell and to be with Jesus is a sweet Paradise If Jesus be with thee no enemy can hurt thee He that findeth Jesus findeth a good treasure yea a good above all
goods And he that loseth Jesus loseth too much and more than the whole world He is most poor that liveth without Jesus and he is most rich that is well with Jesus 3. It is a piece of great skill to know how to converse with Jesus and great wisdom to know how to keep Jesus Be humble and peaceable and Jesus will be with thee Be devout and quiet and Jesus will stay with thee Thou mayest soon drive away Jesus and lose his grace if thou turn aside to outward things And if thou shouldest drive him from thee and lose him unto whom wilt thou flie and what friends wilt thou then seek Without a friend thou canst not well live and if Jesus be not above all a friend unto thee thou shalt be too sorrowful and desolate Thou doest therefore foolishly if thou doest trust or rejoyce in any other It is better for thee to have all the world against thee than Jesus offended with thee Amongst all things therefore that be dear unto thee let Jesus alone be thy chiefest beloved 4. Love all for Jesus but Jesus for himself Jesus Christ alone is singularly to be beloved who alone is found to be good and faithful above all friends For him and in him let as well friends as foes be dear unto thee and all these are to be prayed for that all may know and love him Never desire to be singularly commended or beloved for that appertaineth only unto God who hath none like unto himself Neither do thou desire that the heart of any should be set on thee nor do thou set thy heart on the love of any but let Jesus be in thee and in every good Man 5. Be pure and free within and intangle not thy heart with any creature Thou oughtest to be as it were naked and to carry a pure heart to God if thou wouldest be free to consider and see how sweet the Lord is And truly unless thou be prevented and drawn by his grace thou shalt never attain to that happiness to forsake and cast off all that thou alone mayest be united to him alone For when the grace of God cometh unto a Man then he is made able for all things And when it goeth away he is poor and weak and as it were left only unto the lash and scourge of every adversary In this thou oughtest not to be dejected nor despair but to resign thy self with all indifferency unto the will of God and to bear all things that befal thee for the glory of Christ for after winter followeth summer after night cometh day and after a tempest fair weather CHAP. IX Of the want of all comfort IT is no hard matter to despise humane comfort when we have divine It is much and very much to be able to want both humane and divine comfort and for the Glory of God to be willing to endure desolation of heart and to seek himself in nothing nor to regard his own merit What great matter is it if thou be chearful and devout at the coming of grace This hour is wished for of all Men. He rideth easily enough whom the grace of God carrieth And what marvel if he feel not his burden who is born up by the Almighty and led by the soveraign guide 2. We are always willing to have something for our comfort and a Man doth hardly put off and forsake himself The holy martyr St. Laurence overcame the world with his Prelates because he despised whatsoever seemed delightsom in the world and for the love of Christ patiently suffered Sixtus to be taken from him whom he most dearly loved He overcame therefore the love of Man by the love of the Creator and he rather chose the divine good pleasure than humane comfort See thou also learn to forsake some necessary thing and a beloved friend for the love of God Be not grieved when thou art forsaken by a friend knowing that we all at length must be separated one from another 3. A Man must fight long and mightily with himself before he get the full victory over himself and be able to draw his whole heart in to God When a Man trusteth in himself he easily slideth unto humane comforts but a true lover of Christ and a diligent follower of virtue betakes not himself to humane comforts nor seeketh such sensible sweetnesses but rather hard exercises and to sustain great labors for Christ. 4. When therefore spiritual comfort is given thee from God receive it thankfully but know that it is the gift of God not any desert of thine Be not puffed up joy not too much neither do thou presume vainly but be rather the more humble for that gift and more wary and sollicitous in all thine actions for that hour will pass away and temptation will succeed When consolation is taken from thee despair not presently but with humility and patience wait for the Heavenly visitation for God is able again to give thee greater consolation This is not new nor strange unto them that have experience in the way of God for the great Saints and ancient prophets had oftentimes experience of such kind of vicissitudes 5. For which cause one under the enjoyment of divine favor said I said in my prosperity I shall never be moved But in the want of this he addeth what he found in himself saying thou turn'dst thy face from me and I became troubled Yet doth he not despair in the midst of these changes but more earnestly prayeth unto the Lord and saith Unto thee O Lord will I cry and I will pray unto my God Lastly he receiveth the fruit of his prayer and witnesseth that he was heard saying The Lord hath heard me and taken pity on me the Lord is become my helper But wherein Thou hast turned saith he my sorrow into joy and thou hast compassed me about with gladness If great Saints have been so dealt withal we that are weak and poor ought not to despair if we be sometimes fervent and sometimes cold for the Spirit cometh and goeth according to the good pleasure of his will For which cause blessed Job saith Thou visitest him early in the morning and suddenly thou provest him 6. Whereupon therefore can I hope or wherein ought I to trust but in the great mercy of God alone and in the only hope of heavenly grace For whether I enjoy the presence of good Men or religious brethren or faithful friends or holy Books or excellent treatises or sweet songs and hymns all these help little and have little savor when grace forsaketh me and I remain left in mine own poverty At such time there is no better remedy thà n patience and the ordering of my self according to the will of God 7. I never found any so religious and devout that hath not had sometimes a withdrawing of grace or felt not some decrease of zeal There was never Saint so highly rapt and illuminated who first or last was not tempted For he is not
Prophets from the beginning and cease not in these days to speak to every one but many are hardned and deaf to my speech The greater number do more willingly listen to the world than to God and follow sooner the desires of their flesh than the will of God The world promiseth temporal and small things and is served with great eagerness I promise most high and eternal things and the hearts of Men are nothing moved therewith Who is he that serveth and obeyeth me with equal care to that with which the world and the Lords thereof are served Blush O Sidon saith the Sea And if thou ask the cause hear wherefore For a little Prebend a long journey is undertaken for everlasting life many will scarce once lift a foot from the ground A thing of small value is sought after greedily for a penny sometimes there is foul contention sor a vain thing and sleight promise Men cease not to toil day and night 3. But alas for an unchangeable good for an inestimable reward for the highest honor and glory without end they are loth to take the least pains Blush therefore slothful and complaining Servant that they are found to be more ready to distruction than thou to life They rejoyce more in vanity than thou in the truth And yet they are sometimes frustrated of their hope but my promise deceiveth none nor sendeth him away empty that trusteth in me I will give that which I have promised I will fulfil that which I have said but to him that remains faithful in my love to the end I am the rewarder of all that are good and do try my devout servants with strong trials 4. Write my words in thy heart and think diligently of them for they will be very necessary in time of temptation What thou understandest not when thou readest thou shalt know in the day of visitation I am wont to visit my elect two several ways to wit with temptation and comfort And I daily read two lessons unto them one reprehending their vices another exhorting them to the increase of virtues He that hath my words and despiseth them hath within himself that shall judg him at the last day A prayer to implore the grace of devotion 5. O Lord my God thou art to me whatsoever is good Who am I that dare speak unto thee I am thy poorest servant and a most vile worm much more poor and contemptible than I can or dare express Remember yet O Lord that I am nothing and can do nothing Thou alone art good just and holy thou canst do all things thou doest all things thou fillest all things only the sinner thou sendest empty away Remember thy mercies and fill my heart with thy grace who will not that thy works be void and in vain 6. How can I bear up my self in this miserable life unless thou strengthen me with thy mercy and grace Turn not thy face from me delay not thy visitation draw not away thy comfort lest my soul become as the thirsty land unto thee Lord teach me to fulfil thy will teach me to live worthily and humbly in thy sight for thou art my wisdom thou dost truly know me and didst know me before the world was made and before I was born in the world CHAP. IV. That we ought to live in truth and humility before God CHrist. Son walk before me in sincerity and truth and ever seek me in simplicity of heart He that walketh before me in truth shall be defended from evil incursions and the Truth shall deliver him from seducers and from the detractions of the wicked If the Truth shall have made thee free thou shalt be truly free and shalt not care for the vain speeches of Men. Christian. Lord it is true According as thou saidst so I beseech thee let it be with me let thy Truth teach me and keep me and bring me safe to an happy end Let it deliver me from all evil affection and inordinate love and I shall walk with thee in great freedom of heart 2. Christ. I will teach thee saith the Truth these things that are right and pleasing in my sight Think of thy sins with great displeasure and grief and never esteem thy self any thing for thy good works Thou art in very deed a sinner thou art subject to and encumbred with may passions Of thy self thou always tendest to nothing thou art quickly cast down quickly overcome quickly troubled quickly dissolved Thou hast nothing wherein thou canst glory but many things for which thou oughtest to despise thy self for thou art much weaker than thou art able to comprehend 3. And therefore let nothing seem much unto thee whatsoever thou doest Let nothing seem great nothing precious and wonderful let nothing seem worthy of estimation nothing high nothing truly and commendable to be desired but that which is everlasting Let the eternal Truth above all things please thee Let thy own great unworthiness always displease thee Fear nothing blame and fly nothing so much as thy vices and sins which ought to displease more than the losses of any thing whatsoever Some walk not sincerely in my sight but led by a certain curiosity and pride will know my secrets and understand the high things of God neglecting themselves and their own salvation These oftentimes for that I resist them do fall into great temptations and sins for their pride and curiosity 4. Fear the judgments of God dread the wrath of the Almighty But discuss not the works of the highest Search thine own iniquities in how much thou hast offended and how much good thou hast neglected Some carry their religion only in Books some in pictures some in outward signs and figures Some have me in their mouths but little in their hearts There are others that being illuminated in their understandings and purged in their affection do always breath after things eternal and are unwilling to hear of the things of this world and do serve the necessities of nature with grief and these perceive what the Spirit of Truth speaketh in them because it teacheth them to despise Earthly and love Heavenly things to neglect the world and all the day and night to desire Heaven CHAP. V. Of the wonderful effect of divine Love CHristian I praise thee O Heavenly Father Father of my Lord Jesus Christ for that thou hast vouchsafed to remember me a poor Creature O Father of mercies and God of all comfort thanks be unto thee who sometimes with thy comfort refreshest me unworthy of all comfort I ever bless and glorifie thee with thy only begotten Son and the holy Ghost for ever and ever O Lord God the holy lover of my soul when thou shalt come into my heart all that is within me will rejoyce Thou art my glory and the exultation of my heart Thou art my hope and refuge in the day of my tribulation 2. But for that I am yet weak in love and imperfect in virtue I have need therefore
when the gate of Heaven remained shut and the way also to Heaven seemed darker when so few took care to seek after thy Kingdom Neither they also that then were just and such as should be saved could enter into the Heavenly Kingdom before the satisfaction of thy holy passion and death 3. O how many and great thanks am I bound to render unto thee that thou hast vouchsafed to shew unto me and to all the faithful a direct and sure way to thy everlasting Kingdom For thy life is our way and by holy patience we go unto thee that art our Crown If thou hadst not gone before us and taught us who would have taken care to follow Alas How many would stay behind and remain far off if they beheld not thy noble example Behold we are yet cold although we have heard of so many of thy wonders and thy Heavenly documents what would become of us if we had not so great a light given us to follow thee CHAP. XIX Of suffering of injuries and who is proved to be truly patient CHrist. What is it thou sayest Son Cease to complain considering my passion and that of my other Saints Thou hast not yet made resistance unto blood It is but little thou sufferest in comparison of them that have suffered so much were so strongly tempted so grievously afflicted so many ways tried and exercised Thou oughtest therefore to call to mind the more heavy sufferings of others that thou mayest the easier bear the little adversities which thou sufferest And if they seem not little unto thee beware lest thy impatience be cause thereof Yet whether they be little or great endeavor to bear all patiently 2. How much the better thou disposest thy self to suffering so much the more wisely thou doest and so much the greater reward shalt thou receive thou shalt more easily also endure it if both in mind and by exercise thou art well prepared thereunto Do not say I cannot suffer these things at the hands of such a person nor such things are not to be suffered by me for he hath done me great wrong and upbraided me with those things which I never thought of but of another I will willingly suffer and as I shall see cause Such a thought is foolish it considereth not the virtue of patience nor by whom it shall be crowned but rather weigheth the persons and the injuries offered 3. He is not truly patient that will not suffer but as much as he thinketh good and by whom he listeth But the true patient Man mindeth not by whom he is exercised whether by his Superiors or some of his equals or by his inferiors whether by a good and holy Man or by a perverse and unworthy person But indifferently from all creatures how much soever or how often soever any adversity befalleth him he taketh all this thankfully as from the hands of God and esteemeth it a great gain for that nothing before God how little soever so it be suffered for God shall pass without its reward 4. Be thou therefore always prepared for the fight if thou wilt have the victory Without a combat thou canst not attain unto the crown of patience If thou wilt not suffer thou refusest to be crowned But if thou desirest to be crowned fight manfully and endure patiently Without labor there is no coming to rest nor without fighting can the victory be obtained Christian. Lord let that be made possible to me by thy grace which seemeth impossible to me by nature Thou knowest that I can suffer but little and that I am quickly dismayed when a small adversity ariseth Let every exercise of tribulation be made amiable unto me and be welcom for thy name for to suffer and to be troubled for thy sake is very profitable for my soul. CHAP. XX. Of the acknowledging of our own infirmities and of the miseries of this life CHristian I will confess against me my unrighteousness I will confess unto thee O Lord my infirmities Oftentimes it is a small matter that dejecteth and grieveth me I purpose to act with courage but when a small temptation cometh it bringeth me into very narrow straits It is sometimes a very trifle from whence great temptations do proceed And whilest I think my self somewhat safe when I least expect it I find my self sometimes overcome with a small blast 2. Behold therefore Lord my lowness and frailty every way known unto thee Have mercy on me and deliver me out of the mire that I stick not fast therein and that I may not for ever remain dejected This is that which oftentimes strikes me at the very heart and confounds me in thy sight for that I am so subject to fall and weak in resisting of my passions And although though I do not altogether consent yet their continual assaults are troublesom and grievous unto me and it is a very irksom thing to live thus daily in conflict Hereby my infirmity is made known unto me for that wicked fancies do always much more easily invade than forsake me 3. O mighty God of Israel the zealous lover of faithful souls let it please thee to consider the labor and sorrow of thy Servant and assist him in all whatsoever he undertaketh Strengthen me with Heavenly strength lest the old Man the miserable flesh not fully as yet subject to the spirit prevail and get the upper hand against which I ought to fight as long as I breath in this miserable life Alas what a kind of life is this where tribulation and miseries are never wanting where all is full of snares and enemies For when one tribulation or temptation goeth away another first cometh yea and during the first conflict also many others come unlooked for one after another 4. And how can a life be loved that hath so many embitterments and is subject to so many calamities and miseries How is it called a life that begetteth so many deaths and plagues And yet it is loved and many seek to delight themselves therein The world is oftentimes blamed that it is deceitful and vain and yet it is not easily forsaken because the desires of the flesh bear so great a sway 5. Some things draw us to love it others to contemn it To the love of the world the lust of the flesh the lust of the eyes and the pride of life do draw us but the pains and miseries that do justly follow them cause a hatred and loathsomness thereof 6. But alas vile pleasure overcometh the mind which is addicted to the world and she esteemeth it a delight to be even under thorns because she hath neither seen nor tasted the sweetness of God and the inward pleasantness of virtue But they that perfectly contemn the world and endeavor to live to God under holy discipline these are not ignorant of the divine sweetness promised to the true forsakers of the world and do more clearly see how grievously the world erreth and how it is many ways
ought to have humbled my self and to have born meekly vouchsafe mercifully to pardon me as often as I have failed herein and give me again grace of greater sufferance For thy abundant mercy is more available to me for the obtaining of pardon than my conceived justice for the defence of my hidden conscience Although I know nothing by my self yet I cannot hereby justifie my self for without thy mercy no Man living shall be justified in thy sight CHAP. XLVII That all grievous things are to be endured for life everlasting CHrist. Son be not dismaied with the painful labors which thou hast undertaken for me neither be thou wholly discomforted for the tribulations which do befal thee but let my promise strengthen and comfort thee in all events I am able to reward thee infinitely and above all measure Thou shalt not long toil here nor always be pressed with griefs Wait a while and thou shalt see a speedy end of thy evils There will come an hour when all labor and trouble shall cease Little and short is all that which passeth away with time 2. Do what thou dost labor faithfully in my Vineyard I will be thy reward Write read sing mourn keep silence pray suffer crosses manfully life everlasting is worthy of all these yea and greater combats Peace shall come in the day which is known unto the Lord and there shall be neither day nor night to wit of this time but everlasting light infinite brightness stedfast peace and secure rest Then thou shalt not say Who shall deliver me from the body of this death Nor cry Wo is me that my sojourning is prolonged For death shall be thrown down and salvation shall appear which never shall have end there shall be no anxiety but blessed joy sweet and lovely company 3. O if thou hadst seen the everlasting Crowns of the Saints in Heaven and with how great glory they now rejoyce who in times past were contemptible to this world and esteemed unworthy of life it self truly thou wouldest presently humble thy self even unto the Earth and wouldest rather seek to be under the feet of all than to have command so much as over one neither wouldest thou desire the pleasant days of this life but rather rejoyce to suffer affliction for God and esteem it thy greatest gain to be reputed as nothing amongst Men. 4. O if thou hadst a relishing of these things and didst suffer them to sink into the bottom of thy heart how durst thou so much as once to complain Are not all painful labors to be endured for everlasting life It is no small matter to lose or to gain the Kingdom of Heaven Lift up thy face therefore unto Heaven behold I and all my Saints with me who in this world had great conflicts do now rejoyce now are comforted now are secure now are at rest and shall remain with me everlastingly in the Kingdom of my Father CHAP. XLVIII Of the everlasting day and shortness of this life CHristian O most blessed mansion of the Heavenly City O most clear day of Eternity which night obscureth not but the highest Truth ever enlightneth a day of continual joy of perpetual quietness and never changing into a contrary state O that that day would once appear and all these temporal things were at an end To the Saints it shineth glistering with evelasting brightness but to those that are Pilgrims upon Earth it appeareth only afar off and as it were through a glass 2. The Citizens of Heaven do know how joyful that day is but the banished Children of Eve bewail the bitterness and tediousness of this The daies of this life are short and evil full of sorrow and anguish where Man is defiled with many sins incumbred with many passions disquieted with many fears filled with many cares distracted with many curiosities intangled with many vanities compassed about with many errors worn away with many labors vexed with temptations weakned with pleasures tormented with want 3. O when shall these evils be at an end when shall I be delivered from the miserable bondage of sin When shall I think O Lord of thee alone When shall I fully rejoyce in thee When shall I enjoy true liberty without all impediments whatsoever without all trouble of mind and body When shall I have solid peace secure and undisturbed peace peace within and without peace every way assured O good Jesus when shall I stand to behold thee When shall I contemplate the glory of thy Kingdom When wilt thou be unto me All in all O when shall I be with thee in thy Kingdom which thou hast prepared for thy beloved from all eternity I am left a poor and banished Man in the land of mine enemies where there are daily wars and great calamities 4. Comfort my banishment asswage my sorrow for my whole desire fighteth after thee For all is burdensome to me whatsoever this world offereth for my comfort I long to enjoy thee most inwardly but I cannot attain unto it My desire is that I may be wholly given up to Heavenly things but temporal things and unmortified passions weigh me down With the mind I would be above all things but with the flesh I am inforced to be subject against my will Thus unhappy Man that I am I fight against my self and am become grievous to my self whilst my spirit seeketh to be above and my flesh to be below 5. O what do I inwardly suffer when in my mind I consider Heavenly things and presently in my prayers a multitude of carnal imaginations present themselves before me My God be not far from me depart not in thy wrath from thy Servant Cast forth thy lightning and disperse them send out thy darts and break all the imaginations which my enemy casts in Gather in call home my senses unto thee make me forget all the things of this world grant me to cast away speedily the imaginations of wickedness Succor me O thou the everlasting Truth that no vanity may move me Come Heavenly sweetness and let all impurity fly from before thee Pardon me also and mercifully forgive me as often as I think upon any thing else besides thee in prayer I do truly confess that I am wont to be subject to many distractions for oftentimes I am not there where I do corporally stand or sit but I am rather there whither my thoughts do carry me Where my thought is there am I there is oftentimes my thought where my affection is That quickly offereth it self unto me which is naturally delightsom or by custom is pleasing 6. And for this cause thou that art Truth it self hast plainly said Where thy treasure is there is also thy heart If I love Heaven I willingly think of Heavenly things If I love the world I rejoyce at the felicity of the world and grieve for the adversity thereof If I love the flesh I shall fancy oftentimes those things that are pleasing to the flesh If I love the spirit