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A52818 A spiritual legacy being a pattern of piety for all young persons practice in a faithful relation of the holy life and happy death of Mr. John Draper / represented out of his own and other manuscripts containing his experiences, exercises, self examinations and evidences for heaven ; together with his funeral sermons ; published by Chr. Ness. Ness, Christopher, 1621-1705.; Draper, John, d. 1682. 1684 (1684) Wing N464; ESTC R29558 57,400 206

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what we came for I went to him and told him methought that my Soul loved him and I was come to meet him for strength against corruption and by his help I could forsake the world and sin which I hated to enjoy him c. then he told me my pride should not prevail against me this month nor my other sins but by own neglect This was sweet and refreshing to my Soul and this was the occasion of the Devils great rage against me as appears by my Diary March 14. yet could he not prevail but Christ kept his promise in keeping me from pride c. Oh what cause have I to love the Lord Jesus whom I saw here again coming from Heaven to Earth to the Cross to the Grave and to Heaven again and all this to save my Soul here sin was made more odious Christ more dear and here I renewed my Covenant with God c. The Ninth Sacrament was April the 2d 1682. upon which he says thus Some Time before this I was in a dull frame by the hurries of our Trade at this time as may be seen by my diary little life could I find till the noon before that day then had I the presence of my Dear Lord in a lively manner and measure after this wandring thoughts dulness and coldness unsuitable to so sweet a supper seized upon me but by running over again the same circumstances of my Saviours sufferings especially his Agony in the Garden and all for such a wretch as me I found relief got hatred of my sins begged pardon of them And not only so but got power against them yet wandring thoughts 4 or 5 times did trouble me but by Christs strengthening me I overcame them and hoped to have my pardon sealed and to have power for the future for watching better against them and against my deadness and breaking my Covenant c. which made me long to quit the World whereupon it was answered me I should shortly be freed from all sin yet in this Sacrament I had the least communion with God than in any before but still much more infinitely more than I deserved who sure I am deserves not the least mercy The Tenth Sacrament was May 7. 1682. upon which he writes thus I had not longing desires after this Blessed Ordinance having lost much of my life I had in duty before through much hurries of our worldly affairs This morning I wrestled with God but had not the light of his countenance which made me think of not going yet considering that was not the way to be better I ventured but found no life at first yet a little after I felt some reaching after my Dear Redemer this made me resolve to walk more closely for the future after this it pleased God to come in out of his free love and to give me a clear sight of my sweet Saviours going to his Cross and I following him and laying my self down at his feet when I could do nothing Then had I plain visions of my lovely Lords ascensions and his Angels looking upon him whereat I found much goings out of my Soul after him yet wandring thoughts did trouble me for I had not brought my breaking Covenant my Dulness and Deadness before the Lord so as to be deeply humbled for them The Eleventh Sacrament was June 4 1682. Vpon which he He remarks thus I having no time was very bad in my preparations for this blessed Sacrament so doubted whether I should go to it but fearing it might be the last I should injoy in peace I then went yet it prov'd the worst I ever yet had I hardly felt any movings of affections only a little mourning for my breach of Covenant my coldness and deadness c. Had a little sight of my Dearest Redeemer but O my misery for not keeping my ingagement made in the foregoing Ordinance whereby I feared the Holy Spirit was greived and sinned away O sad sad lamentable deplorable was my state when I had sinned my God from me My condition was wretched now and without more care it may yet be much worse The Twelfth Sacrament was on July 2d 1682. whereupon he notes thus I was but little in preparation in order to my participation of this Holy Ordinance yet much more than on the last on Fryday morning before I had much of Gods presence but because I had not taken a Catalogue of my sins and had broke my vows with God 't is just with him to hide his face from me and O my deadly sin got again too much advantage against me yet praised be the free Grace of my God I had his presence in this Ordinance and saw my Dear Redeemer going along bearing his heavy Cross and his suffering thereupon and when his side was pierced methought I stood under and his precious blood did drop down upon me but still I was too little grieved for sin and had 3. times wandrings which through Grace passed away as the Wine went down I desired my sins might be purged away and renewed my resolve of walking better both before and in this Sacrament designing to shelter my Soul in the holes of his blessed Side that was ●ierced as the Dove doth in the holes of the Rock The Thirteenth Sacrament was August 6. 1682. On which he records thus The hurries of the World had made menegligent before it yet did I try my self by my catalogue of sins drawn up in February before such as pride whereof I had a great deal breach of Covenant whereof I was greatly guilty Wandrings Dullness in Duty c. and then another great one the neglect of self tryal after my vows renewed Covenant to do it after Sacraments wherein I had found much sweetness I could not still call my self to a strict account nor actuate my repentance as becomes a worthy receiver though my sins were many and great At my first sitting down I had but little sense of sin but after God showed me something of himself then had I some sorrow of Soul and something of my dear Lord but once God seemed to come out in fury towards me yet methought I saw my Dear Redeemer stop it Here again I lay under the Cross to be washed from my sins and did see as before Christ coming from Heaven to Earth to hi● Cross and to his Grave and from thence into Glory this I viewed with a little oh too little life then the Devil tempted me to make no new engagement of reformation but the Lord helped me and I harkned not to the Tempter About 4. times wandrings came but through grace they continued not yet had I smal actings of love and out-goings of Soul after my God and my Dear Redeemer The Fourteenth Sacrament was September 3. 1682. On which he observes thus I had but little of God some time before this till Saturday night Though I had been much in preparation yet my God came not in till then and indeed I