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A35904
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A Dialogue between Tom and Dick over a dish of coffee concerning matters of religion and government.
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1680
(1680)
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Wing D1337; ESTC R27858
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17,023
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35
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reaches the end of it They that have this Conscience Swear above half as many Oaths as they speak words spend all on their Whores and leave their Wives in want And the Whores have this Conscience that for a little sport require Thousand 's large Setlements great Gifts and if they could get it a Kingdoms Revenew Dick. Very good but what is it to have no Conscience at all Tom. That 's a Jesuitical Conscience such as can Swear all Oathes Glibly take all Tests Profess all Religions and be of none Lye Swear Forswear Imprecate Attest Blaspheme Fire Houses Conspire the Death of Princes Lay Plots and Designs for Massacre and Rebellion and yet stoutly deny their Guilt even at the Gallows and at the Last Gasp say they are as Innocent as the Child Unborn Dick. But have we no simple true Religious Conscience that loves God for Gods sake That Submits to Laws Peacably because Christ commands it Obeys Magistrates Loves Peace both in Church and State because 't is the Doctrine of Jesus and of his Apostles Tom. This sort of Conscience is not among us Dick. I heard Cit say 't was only to be found indeed in the Goal or in the Hospital in Men in Adversity or in Sickness Tom. 'T is a Jewel indeed the Elixir of the States Man that would convert all Evil Politicks to Gold The Philosophers Stone of a Divine that would enrich all his Thoughts with Celestial Treasure But let us ne're seek after it 't is as hard to be got as the Universal Medicine or to be found as ô Brazell Hang it 't is a Chymara to be look't for only among Rosicratians or in Fairy Land Dick. But I heard Cit say that Conscioncious Men might be known by their Looks Gestures and Pulpit Actings Tom. True enough we have of these sort of Conscientious Men they are not all among the Citts Who more Demure than a Reverend Father Jesuite That shall give you words like Sugar which are in the mean time Rank Poyson That can Equivocate and Dissemble and Smile in your Face and if an opportunity be given Cut your Throat or Fire your Houses That can drink with you and take the Sacrament with you and then wipe their Mouths and Plot the death of their Soveraign the Subversion of Religion and Sub-plot to put all off their own Backs upon that of the Hereticks What think you are not these Demure Grave Holy look'd Consciencious Men Then as for their Activity in the Pulpit I defy er'e a Presbyterian of them all to come near a Seraphick Franciscan or a Mouthing Dominican I once heard one of the former at York House and never Jugler Tumbler or Jack-Pudding had more Postures than he had therefore let not Cit Brag of his Pulpit Activity Dick. But what say you to those Moving Metaphors that some of them have There they out do all others Tom. Neither for we have enough Ship Stocking Priests who have many more delicious Similies and pretty Metaphors that would make a Man draw his Mouth of one side And that Learned grave Dulman in the University is not to be forgotten who praying for the young Students in that place Cry'd O Lord make these Young Willows to grow up to be Old Oakes that they may become Timber fit to Wanscote thy New Jerusalem Dick. So much for Conscience and Consciencious Men Let me now ask you what Religion I should be of or which is most convenient for my Capacity Tom. Don't you know what David the King says The fool hath said in his heart there is no God He has pointed forth thy Religion Fool that is to say no Religion an Atheist in thy Heart but what thou wilt in shew Dick. I thought that had been your Religion there be a very great number of this Religion who plainly testifie it both in their words and actions Tom. As for my Religion tho' that shall never much trouble me and 't is fashonable to scoff and jear at all Religions and is a mark of wit and gentile breeding so to do yet I having some little belief that there may be a God and a Heaven and an Hell I think good to be of that Religion wherein I may purchase Heaven with my mony and buy it as men do Land take my full wing of Pleasure commit all manner of Sins and Debaucheries care not how I live or what I say or do all the week and on Sunday Morning be made as clean as a House that 's new wash'd and so as soon as all my filthy sins are carried away by absolution return again fresh and hungry to new Commons and thus toties quoties from one weeks end to another as long as I live O! This is a brave Religion and a world such as I have lately embrac'd it and all the brave Whores have followed our steps It gives authority to our Pleasures Tom. I think very well of this Religion and I am resolved to believe this and profess the other for a time for I find this to be in vogue and to spread mightily Dick. Yes 't is to promote this Religion that all this Puther is made but we most safely and cunningly do it under a secure and dreadful notion by railing at the Presbyterians and pretending burning zeal for reformed Catholicks whilst indeed we intend to pull down the reformed Bishops and to set up the Romish Tom. But one thing Dick I must mind you of that you come short of Cit in Dick. What 's that Tom. You have not the Knack of getting by Imprisonment or standing stisly and stoutly for the cause Dick. That 's your mistake Jack for I tell you they learnt that Trick of us for we have several that weekly and daily search all the Prisons in Town for working Tools that is out of these Colleges do pick Persons fit for desperate designs Alas in that Cit is a Fool to us for we have those that have lain years like Fies in the Inquisition in Newgate the Kings Bench Fleet Gate-house and other Prisons only to pick and chuse Instruments fit for our purpose and to insinuate into them and to indoctrinate them and having made and moulded them fit for purpose paid their Debts tho' of a considerable value or if in for other wicked Actions and flagitious Crimes get their Reprieves and then their Pardons or some way work their escape and then these are eternally obliged to us being still Feed with mony and kept at the publick charge Don't you see then Jack that the way to Preferment is by being clapt up And we have Lords and great men too that with their Purses and their Guinees spare for no cost to bolster up the Cause Tom. But what if any of these should betray you and confess all this at last Dick. We have besides the Impudence of Denying for we work with out witnesses the way of Godfrying such a one presently or of sending him beyond Seas as soon as we have done with him
or before he has any opportunity and then he is past telling Tales Tom. But won't your great men deceive them at last Dick. Not till they have fully done with them and then are not so generous as Cits great Men before they dare not for their own Interest and besides they have always Spies upon their actions and behaviour and if such a one spits but awry he 's gone he 's then like a Crackt Tool to be flung aside and when he has done what he was intended for he becomes like a Wornout-Tool fit only for the Fire or to take a Dance with COLEMAN at Tyburn Tom. I am well satisfied as to this point and thank you that you are so free with me for I should be much troubled if you should come behind Cit in any thing well I think I am fitted now for your service I pray you get me some place or other and let me be a perpetual working-Tool Dick. As most of your Capacity are for our Fools are such incorrigible Tools they never wear out therefore you need not be afraid of being laid aside Tom. But have you as much Christian Liberty as Citt And Freedom from all Humane Laws and only subject to the immediate Commands of God and the Spirit though against the Written Laws Divine and Humane and the Commands of Kings and Governours Dick. Yes sure more than Citt has For we have a better way by half than to pore in the Scriptures or to hearken to the Motions of the Spirit which may be irregular therefore we have our Infallibility at Rome who like the Sun disperses his Beams that is the Priests who carry his Infallibility all the World over And so instead of waiting on the Spirit that sometimes is sullen and won't speak we go but to the next Priest and he gives all the Christian Liberty that Citt so much brags of And having his Priestly and Infallible Licence overthrowing the Government is no Treason taking up Arms against the King no Rebellion robbing the Reformed Bishops or the Heretical Presbyterian Churches no Sacrilege taking away Abby and Church-Lands so long setled on Lay men by Authority of Parliaments no Oppression taking away Estates no Robbery Imprisoning Racking Burning and Tormenting persons no Tyranny and all this under the Name and Notion of Religion no Hypocrasie forcing Oaths contrary to ones Conscience Perjury and Blasphemy no Impiety and the blowing up of the King House of Lords and Commons Compassing and Contriving the Death of their Sovereign or Stabbing and Shedding the Sacred Blood of Princes no Murther Tom. Very good live and learn I say before you inform'd me I thought Citt had been the most Publick Man in the World and had been best furnished with Principles to Act and bring about his Designs of any other but I see you are even with him though he bragged he had more Villanies than the Jesuites Dick. I tell thee he is a very Bragadocio For all those things he takes upon himself and which perhaps some of them have made use of he had from the Jesuites School I tell thee man they are in all Shapes and become all to all to promote the Cause Tom. But a word as to Oaths Citt says they are excellent at Swearing Dick. Nay then if they surpass us at Swearing or at Forswearing either I 'le be bak'd For look you they swore but once in a Year or two and they were only bare Oaths now we swear our people once a Week and seal it with the Sacrament a Knack Citt hath not when ever we have a Design on Foot besides the Christian Liberty that is granted ours to to take all Oaths besides our own and to reckon them none For to swear by a Protestant Bible is no more obliging than if one had swore by the Alooran Tom. I think now I am fully instructed and fit for your purpose Dick. Stay I heard you repeat a Golden Sentence of Citts I will also furnish you with one or two that you ought still to have in mind Tom. O I love Sentences pithy short Memorials and fit to be wrote down in my Common-place Book Dick. They are these First Asperse boldly something will stick To dye for Treason at Tyborn is the ready way to be Sainted at Rome To commit Murther and to dye for it is the best way to become a Martyr To deny the Guilt of Crimes at the last Gasp and to profess Innocency is a Sign of Grace and Jesuitical Fortitude That the Pope exercises more Authority than God who pardons not Sinners without Repentance whilst the Pope gives Indulgence for Sins to be committed for Mony for a 1000 years to come To commit Murder Adultery Theft Drunkenness and the like are great Sins unless advised or consented to by the Priest and for the Good of the Cause To murther an Heretick is no more Sin than to kill a Dog To stab an Excommunicated Prince or other Magistrate is the best way to become a Romish Heroe and to have Elegies wrote in his Praise To have any Trouble or Remorse of Conscience before or after the Commitment of such Sanctified Murders is to fall from Grace and to merrit Pennance Tom. Very Good I see Citt has not all the Golden Sentences these will I put down in my Book Dick. You must believe these as your Creed have them by Heart and as perfect as your Pater-noster or Ave-Maria Tom. But what Employment have you now Dick. I am a Knave by Profession and therefore cannot want Employment but the chiefest thing that I get Money now by is Scribling all sorts of Pamphlets that may make for Our Cause Damning the Presbyterians to the lowest Pit of Hell Lampooning and Dialoguing and Lettering the Plot into Ridicule Tom. But are you well paid for it Dick. Better paid than you think for and I have a Bag by me to pay you too if you go about your Business handsomly We have already almost brought it about to make the People believe there is no Plot. Be sure you be diligent in promoting that Belief and bespatter the Evidence all you can call them Rogues Vagabonds Debauch'd Fellows Perjur'd Lying Inventive Knaves and Rascals Fellows kept out of Charity and released from Goals any thing that may beget an Odium of Them and the Common Enemy Tom. But whom mean you by the Common Enemy Dick. You are a Blind Fool if thou see'st not that why all that oppose setting up of Popery whether Church of England-men Presbyterians and the rest of the Heretical Fry by what Titles or Denominations soever for they are all Hereticks and alike to us Tom. Then 't is not only the Presbyterian Protestants that you aim to overthrow Dick. No No though we pretend That yet we aim also at Root and Branch Tom. What is that Dick. A thorow Reformation of the Whole A setting up the Mass in its Splendor and the retrieving all our Church Lands as fully and wholly as they were before