so hard that his affliction was very great I told him once vpon this occasion that since he had been so deuoted to that Mysterie when our Lord carried his Crosse vpon his Back he might doe well to conceaue that his Diuine Maiestie had been pleased to giue him a feeling of some part of that which himself had vndergone with so much trouble and my Father was so comforted by this thought that I remember him not to haue euer complained more He remained three dayes with very little shew of vnderstanding but yet the day whereon he dyed our Lord restored it to him that so entirely as we were all euen amazed to see it and he continued in it saying the Creed and as soone as he had passed through the first part thereof he expired When he was dead he looked euen like an Angell and as such in manner of speach he euer seemed in my sight to be both in Soule and disposition or humour which he had extreamly good Nor doe I know why I haue spoken thus much of him vnlesse it be to confesse and accuse mine owne wickednes so much the more since vpon the sight of such a death and the knowledge of such a life I ought to haue amended and reformed mine if it had been but to grow the liker to such a Father His Confessarius who was a Dominican and a great learned man affirmed that he made no doubt but that my Father would goe streight to Heauen for he who had Confessed him diuers yeares spake much of the great puritie of his Conscience This Dominican Father being a very worthie man and a true seruant of God did me a great deale of good for I Confessed my self to him and he vndertooke the profit of my Soule with care and to make me well vnderstand the way of perdition wherein I was walking He caused me also to Communicate euerie fifteen dayes and beginning first to treate with him by little and little I spoke with him afterward at length about my Prayer and he told me that I must not faile to vse it and that it could not by anie meanes but doe me good I beganne therefore to vse it againe and from that time forward I neuer left it though yet I did not for the present giue-ouer the occasions of my imperfections I therefore in the meane time passed a most sad life for in Prayer I came to vnderstand my faults On the one side I was called by Almightie God and on the other I followed the world All those things which belonged to God gaue me great contentment but those things which were of the World tyed me vp in chaines and it seemes I had a minde to make these two contraryes friends which yet are so much in enmitie with one another namely a Spirituall life on the one side and sensuall pastimes contentments and delights on the other In my Prayer I endured much trouble because now my Spirit was growne to be no longer a Lord but a Slaue and therefore I was not able to shut my self vp in my hart which was the onlie way of proceeding I formerly had held in my vse of Prayer without shutting vp a thousand vanities togeather with my self I passed so manie yeares in this manner that now I am astonished to consider that anie person should be able to endure the not leauing either the one or the other in so long a time I well know that now it was no longer in my hand to giue ouer Mentall Prayer for he held me now in his who resolued to doe me greater fauours O that I could declare the occasions of doing ill which God remoued from me in those yeares and how I put my self againe into them and of the danger wherein I was to loose all the opinion and reputation which I had in the world from which he freed me and of the hast which I made to discouer by my actions what kinde of Creature I was and the hast which our Lord made also to couer these faults and to discouer some little vertue of mine if there were anie and to make the same seem great in the eyes of all men in such sort as that they euer held me in much account For though sometimes my vanities would shine through my actions yet they seeing other things in me which appeared good would not belieue the ill But the true cause heerof was that the knower of all things saw that this was fitt to be so ordained to the end that when afterward I should come to perswade the world to doe him seruice they might giue me some little credit therin And that Soueraigne Bountie of God did not so much consider my great sinnes as it did those desires which I had sometimes to serue him and the great trouble I felt in my self for wanting power and strength to put the same in execution But O thou Lord of my Soule and how shall I euer be able to expresse with fulnes and clearnes enough the fauours which thou shewedst me in those yeares and how in that verie time when I was offending thee most thou madest such hast to dispose my Soule to a most profound remorse and sorrow that so I might come to tast of thy regalo's and great fauours againe The truth is O my King that thou didst vse the most curious and choice kinde of sharp punishment which could possibly to my thinking be found for me as one who didst well vnderstand what was likelie to cost me the dearest of all other things for thou didst punish those sinnes of mine with great regalo's And I thinke it is no impertinencie which I vtter though yet it were a kind of reason that I should now euen as it were loose my witts whilst I renew the memorie of my ingratitude and malice towards thee But really it vvas so much a more painefull and insupportable kinde of thing for me to receaue such fauours vpon the verie neck of my hauing falne into so great offences then it would haue been to endure grieuous punishments that some one of those sayd fauours so receaued seemes clearly and very certainly to haue euen ouer-wrought and defeated and confounded me more then all my infirmities and torments and other afflictions put togeather vvere euer able to doe For as for these latter afflictions I found that I deserued them vvell and I thought they might goe in part by vvay of satisfaction for my sinnes though yet euen in that kinde of account I know that my sufferances vvere few for my offences vvhich vvere so manie and so very great But now to see my self receauing so freshly so high fauours vvhilst yet the vvhile I made so ill retribution for those vvhich I had receaued before is in my account a kinde of most terrible torment and I thinke it vvill be esteemed so by all such as haue anie knowledge or loue of God and vve may easily finde this to be true euen by the naturall condition of persons
vvho are vertuously inclined And hence flowed downe my teares togeather vvith an indignation to consider vvhat I found in my self for I saw that still I vvas as vpon the pitch of returning to fall againe although my firme purposes and desires did then I meane so long as those fauours lasted stand fast and firme A great incoÌ„uenience it is for a Soule to find her self solitarie and single amongst so manie dangers and me thinkes that if I had anie Creature to whome I might haue imparted all this it would haue holp me not to fall againe at least for shame of the world if I would not be ashamed to offend God I would therefore aduise them who make Mentall Prayer and especially at the beginning thereof to procure some friendship and familiaritie with others who haue the same designe for this is of much importance though it should be for no more then to be assisted by the prayers of one another and how much more when there is such aduantage to be gotten also otherwise And for my part I cannot tell why since by meanes of conuersations and humane inclinations euen although they be not excellently good men procure to get some friends by whose meanes they may vnwearie themselues and may find an encrease of contentment by recounting their vaine pleasures to one another it should be so much as permitted that such as beginne to loue and serue Almightie God in good earnest should forbeare to impart both their delights and their afflictions to some fitt persons since such as vse Prayer are acquainted with both For if that Creature be in earnest who desires to hold frieÌ„dship with his Diuine Maiestie there needs to be no feare of Vaine-Glorie and when that Soule should be set vpon by anie first motion therof he would easily get out of it with merit And as for me I belieue that he who should communicate therof with others to this intention would both profit himself and those that heare him and would prâ—â—e to be better taught both in his owne vnderstanding part and in knowing also how to instruct his friends He who should be subiect to Vaine-Glorie for speaking vpon such an occasion as this would also not faile to haue it by being seen to heare Masse with deuotion and by doing other things also to which he is yet expresly bound vpon the paine of being otherwise no good Christian And yet these things must not be forborne vpon the feare of a man's being subiect to Vaine-Glorie Now this is a point of so extreame importance for the benefit of all such Soules as are not yet strengthned and established in Vertue who want not both so manie Aduersaries yea and friends also to incite them to ill that I know not how to expresse it with earnestnes and aduantage enough And to me it seemes as if the Diuel loued to vse this deuise as a thing which imports him very much Namely that men should hide themselues as carefully from such as can vnderstand them who would procure to make them loue and giue gust to God as he hath earnestly incited others to discouer their intemperate desires Which latter course is yet so much taken and followed that it passes for a kinde of gallanterie to talke of it and so vpon the matter they publish the offences which they committ against Almightie God by this meanes I know not whether they be impertinencies which I vtter if they be your Reuerence may be pleased to teare them and if they be not I beseech you Sir assist and instruct my simplicitie by adding much to them vpon this subiect For the busines of the Seruice of Almightie God goes now so weakly on that they who procure to serue him had need support and succour one another that so they may be able to get forward so very much are the vanities and foolish entertainments of the world growne to be in fashion and in such sort that there are few eyes in the world to discerne their fault But if anie bodie on the other side doe but beginne to giue himself to Almightie God there are so manie who will murmure at him that he shall finde himself to haue need enough to get companie which may appeare in his defence till such time as he be confirmed in not being troubled for what he is put to suffer which if he chance not to be he may perhaps grow to see himself in some straights And perhaps this may haue been the reason why some Saints haue vsed to retire themselues into Deserts But as it is a kinde of humilitie not to put anie confidence in a man's self so yet is it no sinne against pietie to belieue that God will not faile to help him to liue amongst them with whome he is obliged to conuerse But thus Charitie by being communicated will grow to be encreased and there are a thousand other benefits which belong to this way of proceeding where of I should not aduenture to speake if I had not great experience of the much importance heer of True it is that I am both the most weake and the most wicked of as manie Creatures as were euer borne but yet still I am apt to thinke that whosoeuer will humble himself though he be strong and will yet not belieue so much of himself but in this will giue belief to another who is endued with experience shall neuer loose anie thing by the bargaine Of my self I am able to say thus much that if our Lord had not discouered this truth to me and had not also giuen me meanes to treate in very vsuall manner with such persons as had the knowledge and practise of Mentall Prayer I had still walked on with falling and rising till I had euen dropped downe headlong into Hell For I wanted not manie friends who would not faile to help me to fall but towards the recouering and raising me vp I found my self so absolutly alone that now I am no lesse then amazed to consider how I remained not still laid flatt and I praise the mercie of Almightie God for it was he and only he who gaue me his helping hand Let him be blessed and praised for euer and for euer Amen THE EIGHTH CHAPTER She treats of the great good it did her tovvards the not loosing her Soule not to haue vvholy giuen-ouer her Prayer As also vvhat an excellent remedie that is tovvards the gaining of vvhatsoeuer good thing vvhich is lost She persvvades all Creatures to vse it and declares the great benefits therof and although vve should aftervvard leaue it yet that still it vvould proue a great good to haue vsed so great a help for some time I Haue not without cause been considering and reflecting vpon this life of mine so long For I am able to discerne well enough that no bodie will haue gust to looke vpon a thing so very wicked And really I would be glad that all such persons as should reade this Discourse might abhorre
little in the Monasterie The Diuel also would be sure to helpe to be partly a meanes that I might remaine little at home for alwaies by my imparting to some of the Religious there those good things which I had learnt of others with whome I vsed to conuerse they receaued much aduantage and good But yet once being there with a certaine person it hapned that she sayd both to me and others What say you if we should become like those Religious woemen who goe barefoot for perhaps it may be possible in time to make some Monasterie of that kind But now I hauing also these verie same desires beganne to treat the busines with that Widdow my Companion and Friend of whome I spake before who had also the same desire with me Vpon this she beganne to cast how to endue it with Rent but I came quickly to find that there was no great probabilitie of that though the desire which we had thereof made vs yet beleiue that it might perhaps take effect But I on the other side finding great contentment in the House where I was because it was much according to mine owne minde and the Cell wherein I liued was of very great conuentences for me suspended my self from being earnest in the execution of that other designe though yet we did resolue to recommend it in particular manner to Almightie God And one day as soone as I had Communicated his Diuine Maiestie commanded me in earnest manner to endeauour it to the verie vtter most of my power And he was pleased to make me great promises that the Monasterie should not faile to be made and that he would be serued much in it and that it should be called by the name of S. Ioseph and that himself would keepe vs safe at one of the gates and his Mother our B. Ladie at the other and that Christ our Lord would continue with vs and that the place should proue to be euen a Starre which would yeild great brightnes and splendour of it self and that though other Religious Orders were then relaxed men must not thinke that he was but little serued by them and what should become of the world if it were not for Religious persons And that I should tell my Ghostlie Father that he had commanded me all this and that he wished him not to oppose it nor to diuert me from it And this Vision which our Blessed Lord was pleased to giue me was followed by so great effects that the Speech which was vsed therein was such and vttered in such a manner that I could not possibly doubt but that it was he How soeuer I was still in extreame paine because the great disquiets and troubles which I was sure the thing would cost did partly represent themselues to me and considering how extreamly well content I was in that first House and though formerly I had treated of this other busines yet it was not with anie such resolution and certaintie as if it might be sure to take effect Now heer it seemed to me that the reward set it self instantly before me for the doing it but yet when I saw that it was likelie to be a thing of very great disquiet and trouble I was still in a kind of doubt what I would finally doe And yet they were so manie seuerall times that our Lord renewed his Speech to me vpon this subiect representing so manie causes and reasons for it that I saw clearly enough that it was his will So that now I thought no more of anie thing els but only to acquaint my Ghostlie Father with it and so I gaue him all that which had occurred in writing As for him he durst not resolutly will me to giue it ouer but saw that there was little apparance to carrie it through according to the discourse of naturall reason in regard that my Companion and Freind who was the onlie person who was to doe it had very little or no meanes to effect it He wished me to treat of it with the Prelate who was my Superiour and that I should doe therein what he ordained But I spake not of these Visions with that Prelate but that Ladie treated with him and told him that she desired to erect a new Monasterie and the Prouinciall did very gladly giue way for he was a freind of all Religious Obseruance and Pietie and so he afforded all the fauour which was needfull and told her that he would admit and accept the House They spake then of the Reuenue which it was to haue and we neuer inclined to let it consist of more then Thirteen Religious this for manie reasons But before we beganne to treat of the matter thus farre we wrote to the holie man Fray Pedro de Alcantara and acquainted him with all that which passed and he counsailed vs to proceed in this designe and he sent vs his opinion vpon the whole busines But now this purpose of ours was no sooner knowne ouer the Towne then there did instantly grow to be such a persecution against vs as cannot be written in few words The scoffes the icares the laughing the saying that it was a Foolerie and senselesse toy That for my part I was well enough in my Monasterie but for my Companion and freind they cast such a loade of persecution vpon her that they euen ouerlayd her As for me I knew not what to doe for me thought that they had partly some reason But being thus distressed and recommending my self one day to Almightie God his Diuine Maiestie beganne to comfort and encourage me and told me that now I might see through what difficulties those Saints had passed who had founded the Religious Orders of the Church and that we were to passe through manie more persecutions then I could imagine but that yet we should not be troubled at all He told me also some things which I was to deliuer to my Companion and the thing at which I wondred most was that instantly we were comforted in respect of all that which was past and encouraged for all that which was to be future And it is certaine that there was not in all that Towne anie one person of Prayer nay in fine there was scarce anie one at all who did not oppose vs at that time and who thought not this designe to be a most senslesse thing There were so manie ieasts and learings and stirres in our verie Monasterie that now euen the Prouinciall opposed himself stifly against vs and he changed his former opinion and now would no longer admit the House but sayd that the Rent was both little and besides not very secure and that there was very great contradiction He seemed to haue reason in all and in fine he gaue-ouer the busines and would not admit the House Now we who had already receaued the first blowes vpon our owne heads were greatly troubled at it but particularly it struck me much that the Prouinciall was now found to be opposite for
desired for foure or fiue yeares togeather before her end and then she dyed vpon a suddaine without being so much as visited and much lesse Confessed But the happines was that according to the custome which she had held there was little more then eight dayes expired after her last Confession This made me a very glad woeman when I knew of her death and she stayed a very short time in Purgatorie Nor is it yet aboue eight dayes since our Lord appeared to me after I had receaued the Blessed Sacrament and was pleased to let me see how he carried my Sisters soule into glorie In all these yeares from the time when the particular concerning her was told me till her very death I forgot not that which had been giuen me to be vnderstood concerning her as neither also did my Companion For as soone as she had heard of my Sisters death she came towards me with much admiration to see how all had been fulfilled Let our Lord be praised for euer who vouchsafes to take such care of Soules to the end that they may not perish Amen THE FIVE AND THIRTIETH CHAPTER She prosecutes the same Discourse about the Foundation of this House of our Glorious Father S. Ioseph She speakes of the degrees by vvhich our Lord came to appoint that holie Pouertie should be ordained there and of the cause vvhy she came from that Ladie vvith vvhome she vvas and of other things also vvhich succeeded BVt now whilst I was with that Ladie of whome I haue spoken and with whome I had remained more then half a yeare our Lord did so ordaine that a certaine holie woeman of our Order fell out to come from a place which was no lesse then three-score and then leagues off from this and to ariue heer and to lengthen her way by some leagues on purpose to speake with me Our Lord had moued her to this in the self-same yeare when he moued me to make another Monasterie of this Order And as soone as she had entertained this desire she sold whatsoeuer she possessed and went her self bare-foot to Rome to get and bring-away the Dispatch of this Busines This woeman is a person of much Pennance and Prayer and our Lord did her manie Fauours and our B. Ladie appeared to her and required her still to doe what she was doing and she serued our Blessed Lord so incomparably beyond anie thing that I could doe that I was in confusion euen to appeare in her presence She shewed me the Dispatches which she brought from Rome and in those fifteen dayes which she stayd with me we tooke order how we would make these Monasteries and till I had spoken with her it neuer had come to my knowledge that our Rule till it was relaxed did euer command that none of the Religious Houses of our Order should haue anie proprietie in anie goods Nor had my self had anie purpose to found anie Monasterie at all without Reuenue for my intention was that we should be free from the care of procuring anie such thing as we might be in necessitie to vse But this Blessed Woeman hauing been instructed by our Lord was growne to vnderstand that truth very well without being able so much as to read of which truth I was ignorant euen after haueing taken so much paines to read ouer the Constitutions of our Order And as soone as she acquainted me with her purpose I liked it well though yet I was afrayd that it would not be yeilded to but that they would say perhaps that these were but impertinencies and wish that I would not doe anie thing whereby others might be put to suffer through my fault Though yet in very deed if I had been alone I would not haue been detained one minute from doeing it since it would be a Regalo to my Soule to obserue follow the Counsailes of Iesus-Christ our Lord for really his Diuine Maiestie had already giuen me great desires to obserue Pouertie So that for my part I made no doubt but that this was best yea and I had long desired that it might be possible and compatible with my state that I might goe begging my bread for the loue of God without hauing so much as a house or anie thing els But only I was in feare that if our Blessed Lord should not giue the self-same desires to others which he gaue to me they would liue perhaps with disgust and consequently that it might proue a cause of some distraction or diuision For I saw that there were some poore Monasteries which liued not with much recollection and I considered not that their not being recollected was the cause of their being so poore and not their Pouertie the cause of their want of Recollection For distraction makes them not more rich nor is euer Almightie God wanting to such as serue him In fine my Faith was weake which that of this Seruant of God was not But now I who would be taking the opinion of so manie persons for euerie thing which I was to doe could find no bodie of this minde no nor euen my Ghostlie Father himself nor yet those other learned men whome I consulted in the case but they brought me so manie reasons against it that I knew not which way to turne my self For I for my part who knew already that it was the Rule of the order and knew also that it was a point of more perfection could not perswade my self to haue Reuenue And though sometimes they conuinced me towards their opinion yet still when I returned to Prayer and considered Christ our Lord so very poore and naked vpon the Crosse I was not able so much as to find patience for being rich But I humbly besought him with teares to ordaine things in such sort that I might be poore like him And I found so manie inconueniences euen in hauing Reuenue and found it to be so great a cause of disquiet yea and euen of distraction also that I did nothing but dispute the busines with those learned men I wrote also about it to that Religious man of S. Dominick's Order who assisted vs and he sent me two sheets of Paper which he had written by way of contradiction to me and he grounded himself in Theologie for the perswading me not to doe it yea and he told me that he had studied the point very well To which I answered him that for not following my Vocation and for not performing the Vow which I had made of Pouertie and embracing the Counsailes of Christ our Lord in all perfection I meant not to make vse of his Theologie nor of his Learning and therefore that in this case he might be pleased to excuse me For my part I was very glad when I found anie Creature who woud helpe me and the Ladie with whome I was assisted me particularly heerin There were others also who told me instantly at the first that they liked it well but afterward when they considered it better they
Vowes of his Profession the Bulles granted in fauour of his Order had auailed him towards his escape of Purgatorie Now I know not why this was giuen to be vnderstood by me but me thinkes it may be very well to make me know that a man's being a Religious man doth not consist only in his Habit I meane not in the onlie wearing it as if that verie thing did endue him with more perfection I will now relate no more of these things for there is no great cause why I should though yet our Blessed Lord haue done me the fauour to shew me very manie But amongst all those Soules which I haue seen I haue not vnderstood of anie one which escapes the going at all into Purgatorie but only this last Father and that holie man Fray Pedro de Alcantara and that Dominican Father of whome I spake before Our Lord hath also been pleased to let me see the seuerall degrees which they haue of glorie by representing the places to me wherein they are and I find that there is a great deale of difference between some and others THE NINE AND THIR TIETH CHAPTER She proceeds in the same Subiect of shevving the great Fauours vvhich our Lord had done her And she declares hovv he vvas pleased to promise his Fauour to them for vvhome she should begg it and she relates some important particulars vvherein his Diuine Maiestie had done her particular Fauours of this kind BEing once very importunate with our Blessed Lord that he would be pleased to giue sight to a certaine person to whome I had obligation and who was almost growne to be vtterly blind I had much compassion on him and I feared least our Lord would not heare me in regard of my Sinnes But yet he appeared to me then as he had also done at other times and beganne to shew me the Wound of his left hand and with his right hand he drew out the great naile which had been thrust into it and me thought that some of the verie flesh came out with the naile I saw well how great paine it did import and it afflicted me much But he told me that since he had endured so much for my sake I should not doubt but that he would more easily be drawne to harken to this Suite of mine and so he promised that he would grant whatsoeuer I should desire but he knew very well already that I would begg nothing of him but only to his owne honour and glorie and that I made this present Suite vnder that condition He willed me also to remember and consider that euen when I did him not true Seruice I had not desired anie thing of him which he had not granted euen better then my self had desired and therefore how much more would he be sure enough to doe it now when he knew I loued him and therefore that I should bannish all doubt And I thinke eight dayes did not passe but that our Lord restored sight to that person and this was presently knowne by my Ghostlie Father Now peraduenture as I thought at first this did not happen by meanes of anie prayer of mine though yet since I saw this Vision I haue remained with some little certaintie that the thing was done by the Fauour of his Diuine Maiestie to me and accordingly I haue presented him with my thankes Another time there was a person sick of a very painefull infirmitie which because it was of an odd condition and way I forbeare to particularize it heer But it was a kind of insupportable thing and he had been troubled with it two moneths but he endured a torment by it which did euen teare him in peices Now my Ghostlie Father went to visit him and that was the Rectour of the Colledge of whome I spake and he had great compassion of the man and told me that in anie case I must also goe giue him a Visit for that he was a person to whome I might handsomly doe it in regard that he was my Kinsman I went and had so much pittie of him that I beganne to begg his health of our Lord after a very importunate manner And in this I saw clearly by the very vttermost of what I am able to imagine how much Fauour our Lord was pleased to doe me therein for instantly vpon the verie next day he was absolutly well I was once in a great deale of trouble because I came to know that a certaine person to whome I was much obliged was resolued to doe a thing which was greatly against the honour both of Almightie God and himself and yet he was very much bent to doe the thing Now my trouble for this was so great that I knew not which way to find remedie and meanes to make him leaue it and indeed it rather seemed that there was none But then I besought Almightie God and that with my whole hart that he would help vs and till I could find it done I should be in paine Being therefore now in this case I went to a certaine Oratory a little remore from where I was for there are diuerse such in this Monasterie and finding a Picture of Christ our Lord as he was bound to the Pillar I humbly begged of his Diuine Maiestie to doe me that Fauour And presently I heard one speake to me in a most sweet voice but it was framed as if it had been in the manner of whistling For my part I was all in a fright and the verie haire of my head stood an end and I had a great desire to heare what it sayd to me But when once my feare was gone which was also quickly I remained with rest and ioy and so great an interiour kind of delight that it amazed me how the onlie hearing of a voice and that with the onlie eares of flesh and bloud yea and without the articulation or framing of anie one word was able to produce so powerfull an operation in the Soule But in the meane time I found euen thereby that the thing which I had desired should be done and so it was and the paine wherein I found my selfe concerning it was vtterly remoued in a thing which was not yet as if I had found it to be certainly granted as it hapned to be afterward And I related the whole accident to my Confessours who at that time were two and they both were very learned men and the Seruants of Almighty God I knew also of a certaine person who had resolued to serue his Diuine Maiestie in very good earnest and he had vsed Prayer some dayes and therein his Diuine Maiestie had done him manie Fauours and yet he gaue-ouer his course of Prayer vpon certaine occasions which occurred to him and those he did not quitt although they were full of danger This put me to a great deale of paine because the man whome the matter concerned was a person whome both I loued much and whome I also was much obliged to loue
THE FLAMING HART OR THE LIFE OF THE GLORIOVS S. TERESA Foundresse of the Reformation of the Order of the All-Immaculate Virgin-Mother our B. Lady of Mount-Carmel This History of her Life vvas vvritten by the Saint her selfe in Spanish and is nevvly novv Translated into English in the yeare of our Lord God 1642. Aut mori aut pati Either to dye or els to suffer Chap. 40. ANTWERPE Printed by IOHANNES MEVRSIVS ANNO M. DC XLII TO THE INCOMPARABLE SOVERAIGNE PRINCESSE HENRIETTA-MARIA OF FRANCE QVEEN OF GREAT BRITTAINE FRANCE AND IRLAND MADAME I Presume not novv to approach to your Maiesties presence vvith designe to begg your Fauours though this vse to be the case of euery Creature but to pay your Maiestie a Seruice and that a great one for the many Princely benefitts vvhich I haue receiued already from your gratious hand For heer I come to offer your Maiestie a meanes of magnifying your ovvne naturall greatnes by your avovving protecting and enlargeing the glory of an incomparable Saint S. Teresa To vvhome as I haue vvell vnderstood that already yovv carry an extraordinary deuotion and not only deuotion to her selfe but affection also to the holy Religious vvoemen of her Angelicall Order vvhereof the English Nation vvhich novv enioyes the honour to be also yours hath a Monastery at Antwerpe vvhich needs not perhaps be ashamed to appeare neer any other of the vvhole vvorld vvhether it be for their great entire contentment in Recollection their insatiable yet most delightfull thirst after Perfection Vnion vvith our Blessed Lord or the euerlasting Feast of Joy Iubily vvhich they solemnize both in the harty high respects vvhich they carry to their Reuerend Mother Superiour and their true most tender loue to one another so it vvill not be vnvvorthy either of your ovvne greatnes or goodnes that vvhen there is question of considering the vertues perfections of the Glorious S. Teresa and the celebrating her praises and the studying her Life J meane that Life of hers vvhich she vvrote vvith that most holy vvise hand of her ovvne vvhich I heer present your Maiestie vouchsafe to march at the very head of that vvhole Troope vvhich may addresse it selfe to the imitation of her Heroicall actions and to the admiration of those incomparable Graces and Fauours vvhich the God of Heauen and Earth thought fitt to infuse vvith his enamoured hart and omnipotent hand into that most happy Soule For vvho can euer be more fitt to patronize so great a Saint as she is then so great a Queen as your Maiestie vvho besides your Birth and renovvne vvhereof to speake after the manner of men yovv haue so much occasion to bragg haue also in order to Heauen shevved such constancy in the vvay of Religion and pietye as may iustly all things considered giue cause to the rest of your owne most eminent Ranke at least to shrinke if not to blush For my selfe to begg your Maiesties pardon for this apparance of presumption vvere novv to acknowledge some such fault as vvhereof J acquitted my selfe before I vvill therefore rather by this meanes hope to obtaine a Suite for this Seruice yea and that of the most sauory kind of all other it is That yovv vvill vouchsafe to imploy the Sacrifice of my vvhole Life in obedience to any of your Maiesties least commands God make keep your Maiestie as healthy as happy as this vvorld can tell hovv to vvish yea and as the other can tell hovv to graunt I most humbly aske leaue to doe your Maiestie all Reuerence at your Royall Feet Your Maiesties most humble most obedient most deuoted most obliged Seruant M. T. A word of Aduertisment to the Reader TO the end that the Reader 's iudgement may be kept from anie considerable errour concerning the person of the Glorious S. Teresa he is humbly and earnestly desired to read the Preface before he read the Booke and especially that part thereof vvhich occurrs betvveen that § vvhich beginns vvith these follovving vvords For she vvill tell you c. And that other vvhich beginns But novv it vvill come fittly in c. He may also be pleased to excuse the fevv Faults vvhich shall be found in the Print the rather because it vvas performed both in a strange Countrie and by strangers THE PREFACE OF THE TRANSLATOVR TO THE CHRISTIAN AND CIVIL READER I Was moued and who would not be moued by the Reuerend Mother Superiour of the English Teresian-Carmelites at Ant werpe the rest of that holie Assemblie to Translate out of Spanish into English the Life of the Admirable and Blessed Woeman S. Teresa their holie Mother and mine whose Excellencies and Perfections it is hard for anie Penn to expresse and few Harts euen of the most refined and raised can fully vnderstand and comprehend For though it were translated long agoe by an eminent and worthie Man of our Nation in the great deuotion which he carried to his excellent Saint yet he had liued so very long out of his Countâ—â— and had attended in so serious a manner to the acquiring of Perfection and Knowledge in order to the Conuersion of Soules that on the one side he seemed to haue lost a little of the puritie of his owne English Toung and on the other not to haue acquired enough of the Spanish and consequently not to haue been able to performe the Worke so exactly as he desired Since such a Booke as was so sublimely conceiued by such a Hart and so vehemeÌ„tly posted-out by such a Penn could neuer be exactly translated out of anie one Language into an other vvithout a kind of full possession of them both besides a great attention application of minde othervvise Some places being therfore very obscure and manie other more then a little mis-vnderstood the Booke vvas not so vvell receiued nor so gladly greedily read as it deserued And therfore both in honour of their renouned and admired Parent in appetite also of their ovvne consolation and perfection in Spirit the zeale of these holy Religious vvoemen could not content it selfe vvith less then a procuring to get a nevv Translation made vvhich perhaps might proue to their thinkeing a little lesse imperfect then the other For my part I confesse I vvonder that some such Reuievv and Reformation concerning a Publique Worke so much importing the glory of Almighty God and the honour of so eminent a Saint could be forborne so long But euen that very conceipt and consideration did helpe to clappe the Spurrs into my Sides towards a running through this Course and Carreire vvith all the care speed vvhich I could possibly vse And heerin though my abilityes were small yet my attention grew to be great and so I considered seuerall Coppyes and tooke also many opinions and yet found that all my diligences vvere few enow towards the discharge of the multitude of doubts and difficultyes vvhich occurred Partly through the
were extreamly fierce of a double Quartane which I was also then growne to haue About this time I made so very great hast to returne to the Monasterie that I got my self to be carried away as I was And they receaued her whome they expected for dead with a soule which was yet in the bodie but the bodie it self worse then dead through the paine they saw it endured The great extremitie of my weaknes cannot be related for I had nothing left but my skin and bones and I must say that I continued thus aboue eight moneths for I was directly a Cripple though yet I were then on the mending hand vpon the verie point of three yeares When now I began to goe vpon all foure I thanked God as for a good degree of amendment But I passed through all these afflictions with great cōformitie to the holie will of Almighty God yea and vnlesse it were in the verie beginnings with much alacritie and ioy For I esteemed it all as nothing being compared with those paines and torments wherein I had been before and I was wholy resigned then to God's holie will although he should haue left me in that state for euer I am of opinion that all the anxietie of my desire to recouer was only that I might apply my self to Prayer all alone as I had been instructed but for this there was no meanes in the Infirmarie I Confessed my sinnes very often I spake with them much of God in such sort as that it edifyed them all and indeed they were amazed to see the patience which our Lord imparted to me For if it had not come from the hand of his Diuine Maiestie it seemed a kinde of impossible thing to endure such a deale of torment with so much contentment A point of great moment that fauour was which our B. Lord had vouchsafed to doe me by giuing me Prayer for this made me come to know what it was to loue him and from that little time which I spent therein I found these vertues to be growne vp fresh in me though yet they were not strong nor able to hold me vpright in strict account I spake not ill of anie Creature how little soeuer it might be but my ordinarie custome was to auoide all manner of detraction for I alwaies had this thought present with me that I was neuer to wish nor to say anie such thing of anie Creature as I would not haue them say of me and I tooke this so extreamly to hart in all such occasions as might occurr though yet not still so very perfectly when sometimes anie great occasion was offered me to breake my Rule that this was my constant vse and I perswaded such as were wont to be much in my companie and conuersation so earnestly to this practise that it grew also vp with them into custome By this meanes it came to be commonly vnderstood that wheresoeuer I chanced to be all absent persons were safe and so were they also much more conceaued to be when anie of my neer friends or kindred or others whome I had instructed were concerned Though in other things I haue a great account to make to Almightie God for the ill example which I gaue them I beseech his Diuine Maiestie to forgiue those manie ill things whereof I haue been cause howsoeuer I was not so with so wicked intentions as the actions suceeded ill afterward I still remained with great liking to enioy Solitude and I also loued in particular manner to discourse and treat of things concerning Almighty God and if still I could find with whome that gaue me more contentment and euen recreation then all the politenes or rather I thinke I may say grossnes of the conuersation of the world could doe and I loued to Confesse and Communicate oftner then I had donne and to desire it much and to be extreamly affected with reading good Bookes and to haue so extraordinarie a sorrow for hauing offended Almightie God that manie times I remember how I durst not aduenture to put my self into Prayer because I feared that excessiue paine which I was sure I should feele in the qualitie of a great punishmēt for my offences And this grew afterward to such an extremitie that I know not to what in fine I may well compare this torment But now this neuer happened to me either more or less for anie feare at all but only when I remembred those regalo's which our Lord had been pleased to vouchsafe me in my Prayer and the verie much that I owed his Diuine Maiestie for those high Fauours and when I saw how ill I payd him for all his goodnes I was no longer able to endure it Yea and I found my self also extreamly offended with my self euen for the manie teares which I shed for the fault when I saw the so little amendment which I made whilst neither my resolutions nor the paine and care wherein I was not to fall back againe when once the occasion should be offered were sufficient to stay me For then euen my verie teates would seem deceiptfull to my verie self and my fault would also appeare so much the fowler because I saw the great fauour which our Lord was pleased to doe me by imparting those teares to mine eyes and so great repentance to my hart I procured also to Confesse my self often and so in my opinion I did what I could on my part to restore my self to the state of grace But all my miserie indeed consisted in that I pluckt not the occasions of Sinne vp by the root and partly also in those Ghostlie Fathers who assisted me little for if they had once directly declared to me the danger wherein I was from time to time and that I was in obligation not to haue passed my howers in such conuersations I am very confidently perswaded that all would haue been quickly redressed for I should neuer haue endured to passe one day in Mortall sinne if I had vnderstood the case All these signes and hopes of my endeauouring to feare and serue Almightie God were come to me by meanes of Prayer and the greatest of them all was that I walked as it were all wrapt vp in loue for as for the punishment of sinne it neuer once appeared before me All the while that I was so sick I continued to keep a very close guard vpon my Conscience for as much as might concerne Mortall Sinne. But O my deare Lord how vehemently did I desire to be restored to my health that I might procure to serue thee so much the better whereas yet in verie deed it was the occasion of all my miserie But now when I found my self so lame and euen such a Cripple and that whilst I was yet so very young and how the Phisitians of this world had dressed me and to what state they had brought me I resolued that I would apply my self to those of the other to the end that they might cure me for
I remained so altered yea and so astonished that I intended to see that person no more It did me a great deale of hurt that I knew not at that time that it was possible for one to see anie thing but with the eyes of the Bodie and the Diuel was carefull enough to continue me in that erroneous opinion and to make me still belieue that it was impossible and therefore that I had but fancied certaine things to my self and that perhaps it might be a worke of the Diuel And he brought manie suggestions like this vpon me though yet still I were very confidently of opinion that it was God and no conceipt or fancie at all but yet still because it induced me to doe things which were against my gust I did the best I could euen to belye my verie self And forasmuch as I durst not conferr with anie bodie about this particular and found my self also extreamly importuned afterward and was wished to be assured that it could not be ill donne to see such a person as that and that there would be no loss of honour by it but rather gaine I returned to enioy the same conuersation yea and also at other times I conuersed in like manner with others for they were manie yeares wherein I tooke this pestilentiall recreation and when once I was farre embarked therein it seemed not to me to be so very ill as yet indeed it was though still it be very true that sometimes I discerned clearly enough that it was not good But yet no other conuersation distracted me so much as this in particular did by reason of the great affection which I bore to the partie But my selfe being afterwards againe with the same person we both of vs saw coming towards vs and there were others also present who saw it too a certaine thing which had the manner of a great Toade and it pressed and passed on with very much more speed then such creatures vse to haue For my part I was not able to conceaue how such a filthie Beast as that should get into that roome through that part from whence it came and euen as it were at Noone day nor had euer anie such thing been seen there The effect which it wrought with me seemes not to haue been void of some mysterie and this also was a thing which I could neuer forget But O greatnes of Almightie God! with how much care pittie wert thou admonishing me in so manie kindes and by so manie wayes how little did I permitt that all these warnings should help There was also there at that time a certaine Religious woeman of my kindred and she was antient and a great seruant of God and of much discipline in her Religious Order She also would sometimes be giuing me good counsel but I did not only not belieue her but was also disgusted with her as conceauing that she would needs take scandall at me without cause And this I heer relate to the end that both my wickednes and the great goodnes of Almightie God may be the better vnderstood and that it may be knowne how well I deserued Hell for my great ingratitude and I doe it also to this end that if our Lord may so ordaine be pleased that anie Religious vvoemen may fall vpon reading this Discourse they may be brought to be carefull to take vvarning by me and I begg of them that for the loue of our Lord they vvil take heed of such recreations as these And I beseech his Diuine Maiestie that some one of them may be dis-abused vvhome I haue deceaued vvhen I told them that it vvas not ill and vvhen being in such blindnes at that time I procured to assure them that there vvas no danger at all and in regard also that by the ill example vvhich I gaue gaue them as I haue related heer I was a cause to them of great mischief vvhilst yet I thought not that I did so much hurt and though also it be certaine that I had no designe at all to deceaue them But now euen vvhilst I vvas yet much indisposed in the vvay of health both concerning Bodie and Minde and so before I vvas able to help my self in either kinde I grew into an extreame desire to doe others good vvhich is a very ordinarie temptation for new beginners though yet it hapned now to succeed vvell vvith me And considering how dearly I loued my Father I vvished him the self same benefit vvich I conceaued my self to haue gotten and gained by meanes of Mentall Prayer and esteeming that in this life there vvas no greater blessing then to obtaine and enioy that guift I beganne by certaine vvayes of discourse to procure the best I could that he vvould endeauour to obtaine it and I gaue him certaine Bookes for this purpose Now he being a man of so much vertue as I haue already declared grew to settle himself so very well in this exercise that he came vvithin fiue or six yeares for so long I thinke it vvas to be so vvell improued and aduanced therein that I blessed our Lord much for the fauour and it gaue me an extreame consolation The troubles and crosses vvhich he endured vvere very great and of manie kindes and he passed through them all vvith much conformitie to the vvill of our Lord. He came to see me often and vvas greatly comforted to treat of Spirituall things And vvhen now I liued so distracted and diffused vvithout vsing Mentall Prayer and saw vvithall that he conceaued me to be still the verie same that I had been before I vvas not able to endure to liue vvithout vn-deceauing him for I had then been a yeare and more vvithout Mental Prayer as thinking it more humilitie for me to abstaine and this as I shall declare afterwards vvas the greatest and vvorst temptation that euer I had for by this meanes Iranne headlong vpon my totall ruine vvhereas vvhen I frequented Prayer if I offended God one day I returned to recollect my self vpon another and so to absent my self from the occasion But that blessed man my Father coming to see me in such state as this it vvas too much for me as I vvas saying to let him vvalke on so farre in errour as to thinke that I still conuersed vvith God in Prayer as formerly I had donne and so I told him then that I did no longer vse Mentall Prayer though yet I did not tell him the cause thereof but I alleadged my infirmities for the reason and that although I vvere recouered of the mayne sicknes I had yet diseases yea and very great ones still and that although of late they had not assaulted me vvith so very great fiercenes as before yet they failed not still to continue and to exercise me also in manie kindes In particular that I had certaine vomits for twētie yeares togeather euerie morning in such sort as that I could neuer breake my fast till Noone vvas past yea and
a firme Foundation So that the true Loue of God consists not in hauing teares or tendernes or Spirituall gusts which we are wont for the most part to desire and to take comfort in but to serue his Diuine Maiestie with Iustice and Fortitude and Humilitie For in that other course me thinkes we are rather on the taking hand then on the giuing anie thing of our owne As for poore weake sillie woemen and who are of little courage like me me thinks I could find it fitt that our Lord should carrie them on with Regalo that so they might be the better induced to suffer those afflictions which it hath pleased his Diuine Maiestie that they should beare But for the true Seruants of God men of Substance and solid wayes men of Learning and Vnderstanding to make so much reflection vpon God 's not giueing them tendernes of Deuotion as I see they doe I confesse it giues me disgust euen to heare it I say not but that they should receaue these Spirituall delights when God giues them yea and that they should esteem them very much because in that case his Diuine Maiestie will haue seen that they were conuenient for them but only that when they haue them not they should not vex themselues and that they should also vnderstand that when God giues them not they are not conuenient for them but that they ought to be and remaine the Lords of themselues in all things Let them belieue that this is a defect and fault in them for I haue seen and tryed it Let them belieue that this is an imperfection and that it is not to walke on with Libertie of Spirit but rather like weake and cowardlie people who dare not set vpon difficulties And I say not this so much for them who are but beginners though yet I presse it so farr because it imports very much that they beginne with this Libertie of Spirit and resolution but euen for others also For there are manie who haue already begunne and yet who neuer in fine resolue vpon doing heerin home what they ought and I belieue that this proceeds in great part from their not resoluing to take vp and carrie this Crosse from the verie beginning For such shall goe on still afflicted as conceauing that all that is nothing which they doe because when the Vnderstanding giues-ouer to worke and act they vse not to be able to endure it and yet perhaps they will grow euen fatt and strong at the verie self same time though themselues vnderstand it not to be so We are to thinke and know that our Lord doth not consider and care for these things for howsoeuer our selues may thinke that they are faults yet they are not so indeed and his Diuine Maiestie knowes our miserie and base condition much better then our selues and considers that these Soules desire to be thinking alwaies vpon him and that they desire to loue him And this is that firme purpose which he values and expects at our hands But that other is but an affliction which we bring vpon our selues for it serues but to disquiet the Soule and to giue occasion that if before it were vnable to take anie benefit by seruing God for one hower it may now be so for fowre And manie times for I haue very great experience of this case and know it to be true because I haue both considered it with care and haue also treated about it with Spirituall persons this growes euen from our corporall indisposition for we are so very totally infirme that this poore little wretched Soule of ours participates in the miseries of the Bodie and euen the alteration of the weather and the reuolution of their owne naturall humours are many times the occasion why without euen anie fault of their owne they cannot well doe euen what they would but are faine to suffer thus in all kindes And when they striue to force themselues in these coniunctures of time it proues to be so much the worse with them and the inconuenience will last so much the longer But discretion must be vsed heerin to weigh when this Effect proceeds from this Cause and they must not oppress and stifle this poore Soule but vnderstand and consider that it is sick Let the hower of Prayer in God's name be changed yea and manie times it will be fitt to doe so for some dayes and let them passe through this bannishment of theirs as well as they can since it is misfortune and miserie enough for a Soule which doth indeed loue Almightie God to see that she liues in so great miserie and that she is no way able to doe euen what her self desires in regard that she is lodged with so vntoward and ill an Host as this Bodie is I sayd this was to be done with discretion because sometimes the Diuel will be a cause of these things and therefore it is good neither alwaies to leaue the vsuall set time of Prayer whensoeuer there may be great disturbance and distraction in the Vnderstanding nor yet alwaies to stand tormenting the Soule towards the making it doe more then it can There are also other exteriour workes of Charitie of reading also which may be vsed though yet sometimes the Soule will not be so much as fitt euen for that but in that case let the Minde be euen subiect as it were to the Bodie for the loue of Almighty God since manie other times the Bodie serues the Soule and let the Partie in such cases take the entertainment and pastime of conuersation with others so that it be holie or diuert himself with going a little abroad to take the Ayre as the Ghostlie Father shall aduise For Experience is a great Schoole-Mistris in all things towards the giuing anie one to vnderstand what may be fitt and Almightie God is serued in all this busines for his Yoake is sweet and it is a thing of much importance that the Soule be not seruilely dragged as one may say but that it be carried sweetly on towards the receauing of more benefit and profit So that I aduise againe and againe for though I say it often it will doe no hurt because the matter imports so much that no bodie is to afflict nor oppress himself either through drynesses or disquiets or distraction of thoughts nor yet to goe vp and downe with anie such kind of tribulation if they pretend to gaine Libertie of Spirit But let him once beginne not to be in such a fright vpon the sight of the Crosse and he shall see how our Blessed Lord will help him to beare it and what contentment he will grow to haue and how he will be able to make his profit of all things For already we may sufficiently perceaue that if there be no Spring of Water in the Well we know not how to put anie there True it is that we must by no meanes be negligent and careless but endeauour to draw it out if there be
continued to remaine in a very inferiour degree in this way nor neuer also anie one cowardlie Soule though yet withall it had the safegarde of Humilitie which was able to make so much way in manie yeares as I haue found those others doe in very few I am euen amazed when I consider how much it workes in this kinde for one to animate himself towards the doing of great things though instantly he may perhaps not haue force where with to performe For the Soule puts herself to make a Flight and ariues to be in a high place though yet like some young Bird she be not so well feathered yet and therefore as being wearie she can but pause and houer In former time I often remembred and considered what S. Paul affirmes of himself Namely That he could doe all things in God vvho comforted him for as for me I knew well that I could doe nothing of my self But that Saying of his did me very much good so also did this other of S. Augustin Giue me O Lord vvhat thou commandest and then command me vvhat thou vvilt And for my part I thought also manie times that S. Peter had lost nothing by the bargaine when he cast himselfe headlōg into the Sea though yet he were afrayd afterward In a word these first strong purposes and resolutions are a great matter though yet in this First Degree and State it is fitt that we goe detaining our selues and hold our selues fast tyed to the discretion and disposing of a Directour but then we must procure that he may be such an one as will not teach vs to leape heauily and dully like certaine Toades nor be content that our Soules dispose themselues to hunt those little weake beasts called Lizards Only Humilitie must euer goe before that so we may besure to vnderstand that this strength doth not grow from our selues But heer it will be necessarie for vs to know what kinde of Humilitie this of ours must be and I am very apt to thinke that the Diuel does much hurt towards the making such as exercise Prayer not to aduance themselues very much in their way by causing them to mis-vnderstand Humilitie and by procuring to make vs belieue that it is but a kinde of pride to haue Heroicall desires and to pretend to imitate Saints and to desire to be Martyrs For vpon this he tells vs and makes vs thinke that the actions of Saints are fitt to be admired but not to be imitated by vs who are Sinners This doe I also say as well as he only we must consider what in particular is fitt for admiration and what for imitation For it would be no way conuenient that a person who were sick and weake should put himself vpon great Fasts and sharp Pennances or should betake himself to the Wildernes where he might neither be able to sleep nor yet could get what to eate or the like But yet we ought to thinke that we may well endeauour earnestly by God's Fauour to hold the world in great contempt and not to esteem earthlie honour and not to remaine tyed-vp to the care of riches But we really haue harts so very poore and straight that it seemes to vs as if we could not haue ground enough to goe vpon if once we should lay the care of our Bodie neuer so little aside to giue it to the Soule It seemes therefore heer already that euen for the better enioying of Recollection it will be good that we be in no want of necessarie things for anie kinde of care will be able to disquiet men in Prayer And I am hartily sorry that we should haue so little confidence in God and so much loue of our selues as that we should be disquieted by this thought But the truth is that wheresoeuer men haue made so small progresse as this in the way of Spirit certaine fooleries will trouble some as much as greater and more substantiall matters will doe others and yet still in our way of vnderstanding we will needs presume our selues to be Spirituall persons It seemes to me that this kinde of way of proceeding shewes a desire in them to put the Bodie and Minde into such a concurrence and correspondence as that we would faine finde meanes to take our ease in this world and yet enioy God in the next and that conceipt will proue to be true if we liue according to Iustice and continue to stick close to Vertue but yet still this is but the pace of a Henn and it will neuer be able to bring vs on to enioy true Libertie of Spirit This seemes indeed to be a good way of proceeding for such as are in state of Marriage who are to carrie themselues according to their Vocation but for anie other state then that I doe by no meanes desire anie such kinde of profiting in Spirit as this nor shall they euer make me beleiue that it is a good one for I haue tryed it long enough and I had euer continued in that way if our Lord through his infinit goodnes had not shewed me another and a shorter cutt though yet withall it be true that I had euer great desires but I procured as I haue sayd to vse Prayer though yet still to liue withall at my pleasure But really I conceaue that if anie bodie would haue encouraged me to flye a higher pitch I should haue striuen hard to make those desires proue deeds But alas it is true that through our Sinnes there are so very few and may so quickly be counted who haue anie more discretion then is necessarie for such occurrences as these that I belieue it is a great part of the cause why such as are beginners can get no faster on towards great perfection for our Lord doth neuer faile on his part but it is we who are still the faultie and miserable Creatures They may also be able to imitate the Saints in procuring to vse Solitude and keep Silence and to exercise manie other vertues which will yet by no meanes murder this miserable Bodie which they desire to preserue with such curiositie care though it should turne to the disorder of the Soule And now the Diuel is carefull enough to helpe to render vs the more vnable for when he sees but a little inordinate feare he desires no more then to make vs apprehend that euerie thing will be apt to kill vs or at least to depriue vs of our health yea and if we be accustomed to haue teares he will put vs into a feare that we shall be blinde My self haue passed by this Walke therefore I know it and I know withall that I cannot tell what better kinde of life or health we can possibly desire then to loose them both vpon such an occasion My self being so sicklie as I was till I resolued to make no account at all of my health and of my bodie was euer tyed vp and was good for nothing and euen now it is
of Quiet Prayer She treats hovv manie Soules come to ariue to this Degree of Prayer and that fevv passe beyond it The particulars vvhich are touched heer are not only very profitable but very necessarie LEt vs now returne to our purpose This Quietnes and Recollection of the Soule is easily perceiued by the satisfaction and peace which is infused into her with a very great contentment and calmnes of the Powers of the sayd Soule togeather with a very great delight And now it seemes to her because she is not come yet anie further that already she hath nothing left to desire and that with a very good will she could make the same suite with S. Peter That her aboade might be euer there She dares not stirr or moue nay she would hardly giue her self leaue so much as to take her breath for feare least so that Good should be flying away out of her hands And the while the poore little Soule vnderstands not that as by her owne power she could doe nothing for the drawing of that good to her self so is she of lesse abilitie to detaine it there anie longer then our Lord shall be pleased to grant it I haue already declared that in this first Recollection and Quiet the Powers and Faculties of the Soule are not wanting but yet she is so fully satisfyed with God that as long as this occasion lasts howsoeuer those two other Powers may discompose themselues yet the Will remaining vnited with Almightie God that Quiet and calme rest is not lost but rather by little and little the Will againe recouers and recollects the Vnderstanding and Memorie For howsoeuer the sayd Will be not yet totally ingulfed yet is she so employed without knowing how that how diligent soeuer they be they know not how to depriue her of her contentment and ioy but rather she goes helping her self without anie trouble at all of her owne to the end that this little sparke of the Loue of Almightie God may not be quenched in her I beseech our Lord to allow me grace that I may giue this to be well vnderstood for there are manie and very manie Soules which ariue to be in this Degree or State and few which get beyond it and I know not who may be in fault thereof only I am sure enough that there is none in Almightie God For since his Diuine Maiestie doth a Soule the Fauour that she may be able to ariue to this point I cannot beleiue that he would cease to carrie her much further if it were not for some fault of her owne But now it imports the same Soule very much that when she ariues thus farre she may well vnderstand the great dignitie wherein she is and the great Fauours which our Lord hath donne her and how in all good reason she were no longer to be as of the Earth because it seemes now already that his goodnes makes her an Inhabitant of Heauen if it be not her fault and wretched shall she be if she turne back and I belieue it would be then to goe downe low enough whither I was going if the mercie of our Lord had not made me turne yet back againe For the most part in my opinion they giue ouer for very greiuous faults of their owne nor is it possible for anie Creature to quitt so great a good without the blindnes of being subiect to committ some very great ill And therefore I humbly beseech those Soules euen for the loue of our Lord to whome his Maiestie hath done so great a Fauour as to make them able to reach this Degree and State that they will know themselues yea and that they will hold themselues in great account with an humble and holie presumption that so they may neuer returne againe to the Flesh-Potts of Egipt And yet that if through their weaknes and wickednes and through their naughtie and miserable condition they should chance to fall back as I did they will euer be yet representing to themselues the great good which they haue lost and that also they will grow into suspicion of themselues and walke along with Feare as they haue really great cause to be afrayd And if they returne not to Prayer they will be sure to goe from bad to worse for this indeed doe I call a true Fall when one comes once to abhorre that verie way whereby they purchased so great a good and it is with such Soules that I am speaking now For I say not that Soules will neuer offend God nor that they will neuer committ anie Sinne though yet still it were but reason that whosoeuer had begunne to receaue such Fauours as these should be very carefull to keep themselues from committing anie But in fine we are miserable Creatures and that which I aduise very earnestly is that they will not giue-ouer their Prayer for there shall they come to know what they are doing and there shall they gaine sorrow for hauing left our Lord and strength to rise againe And let that Soule beleiue and let her doe it home that if she depart from Prayer she growes in my opinion to runne great hazard I know not whether I hitt right in what I say but at least I iudge of others by my self But now in the meane time this kinde of Prayer is a certaine Sparke of the Fire of that true Loue which our Lord beginnes to kindle in a Soule and his pleasure also is that the same Soule shall goe vnderstanding what kinde of thing this Loue is and what kinde of great Regalo and delight it brings This Quiet and Recollection and little Sparke if indeed it be of the Spirit of God and not a gust either giuen by the Diuel or yet procured by our selues though yet still one who hath experience cannot possibly but vnderstand at the verie instant that it is no such thing as can be acquired saue that euen in our verie Naturall condition we are so greedie of all that which is sauourie that we will needs tast of all but if as I sayd it be of the Diuel we quickly grow againe to be very cold And how much soeuer we our selues may beginne to make this Fire also burne for the procuring of this gust we seem to haue indeed a minde to doe no other busines heerby then to cast-on water enough to quench it whereas if in verie deed this little Sparke were of Diuine Loue and were conveyed by Almightie God into the Soule how small and poore soeuer it be it would find some shift or other to make a mightie noise And if the Soule doe not quench it by her owne fault this proues that verie thing which beginnes to make a huge kinde of fire and sends forth great flames from it self as I shall declare in fitt place of that mighty loue of God which his Diuine Maiestie is gratiously pleased that perfect Soules should enioy And this verie Sparke is a certaine kinde of signe and euen pawne
Soule did at that time And our Lord sayd this to me in these words It doth my Daughter dissolue and defeat it self to be so the more ingulfed in me for novv it is no longer she vvho liues but I and since she cannot cōprehend that vvhich she vnderstands her very vnderstanding it after a kind of Morrall vvay vvhich she doth is really a not vnderstanding it after a strict comprehensiue vvay vvhich she is not able to doe He who shall haue had triall of this by experience will be able to ariue to the expression of some part therof but as for me I cannot deliuer that more clearly which passes heer since it is so very obscure I can only say that in this case their being then so close to Almightie God is represented to them and there remaines such a kinde of certaintie therof that it cannot possibly faile to be beleiued And now heer all the Powers of the Soule fall short of operation and are suspended in such sort that by no meanes as I haue sayd it can possibly be vnderstood that they worke If she were thinking of some Mysterie it is instantly so forgottē as if there had neuer beē anie such thought If she were reading there is no remembrance of it nor yet of pawsing and if praying vocally in like manner So that now this importunate little Gnatt of the Memorie hath her wings burnt heer and can now no longer spring-vp nor stirre The Will also is now employed all in louing though it vnderstād not how it loues The Vnderstanding if it vnderstand it is not yet vnderstood how it vnderstands and at least it can comprehend nothing of that which it vnderstands To me it doth not seem that it vnderstands because as I was saying it is not vnderstood and for my part I attaine not to vnderstand all this At the first I chanced to be in so great an ignorance as not to know that Almightie God was in all things and considering how very present I conceiued him to be to me it seemed impossible for me to beleiue the cōtrarie To leaue therefore to beleiue that he was there I could not because it seemed to me as it were apparantly and clearly that I had vnderstood his verie Presence to be there Some men who were not learned told me that he was only there by his Grace which still I could not possibly beleiue because as I was saying I held him to be directly present otherwise and thus I cōtinued with some trouble But at length a great learned man of the Order of the Glorious S. Dominick freed me from this doubt and told me not only that he was present but that he also communicated himself to vs which comforted me very much But now it is heer to be noted and vnderstood that this Celestiall Water is alwaies a most eminent Fauour of our Lord and giues the Soule excessiuely great aduantages as I shall now declare THE NINETEENTH CHAPTER She prosecutes the same Discourse and beginnes to declare the effects vvhich this Degree of Prayer vvorkes in the Soule She persvvades men earnestly not to turne back nor to giue-ouer their Prayer though they should happen to fall euen after they had receaued these Fauours She speakes of the great harme vvhich vvill ariue to them if they doe othervvise This Discourse is much to be noted and it is of great consolation for vveake persons and Sinners THe Soule doth in this Prayer and Vnion remaine with an excessiue kind of tendernes in such sort that she would faine euen defeat and dissolue her self not through paine or trouble but by abundance of teares of ioy wherein she is bathed without so much as feeling or knowing how or when she wept them It giues her a great delight to find the impetuous force of that fire appeased and allayed by Water which yet makes it encrease so much the more This language of mine may seem to be a kind of gibberidge but yet thus stands the case It hath hapned to me sometimes when I was in this part of this Prayer to be so wholy out of my self as that I knew not whether I were awake or asleep or whether in verie deed I had been in that glorie which I felt and whether it were true that I was indeed so all bathed in water which distilled with such force and speed from mine eyes that it seemed as if a very Clowde of Heauen had rayned it downe but in fine I found that it was no dreame This hapned to be in the beginnings of this Prayer and it passed quickly ouer But the Soule remaines so couragious thereby that if it were possible for her to be cut into a thousand peices for God's sake it would be of extreame consolation to her And now heer come in all her promises her heroicall resolutions the liuelie efficacie of her desires her beginning to abhorre the world her clearlie discerning her owne vanitie and all this much more perfectly and more highly then it hapned in anie of her former Prayers Her humilitie is also growne much stronger for now she very clearly discernes that no diligence at all of her owne was anie peice of a cause for bringing her that excessiue and incomparable Fauour nor for making her enioy the same She sees now clearly that she is a most vnworthie Creature for in anie roome where there enters a strong and cleare Sunne-Beame there is not the least and thinnest Cobweb which can lye hid She now lookes very clearly vpon her owne miserie and now she is so very free from Vaine-Glorie that it seems a kind of impossible thing for her to haue anie because now already she hath it euen in her verie eye how little she is able to performe or rather in verie deed that it is iust nothing at all and that in this case there was hardly so much as anie cōsent of hers but that it seems that euen whether she would or no they shut the gates of all her Senses vp to the end that she might so the better enioy her Lord and that now since she remaines all alone with him what can she haue to doe but to loue him She neither can see nor heare vnlesse she be made to doe so as it were by very strong hand and therefore there is little for which to thanke her Her former life growes then to be represented to her with perfect truth togeather with the great mercie of Almightie God And all this occurrs to her without anie necessitie at all that her Vnderstanding should now goe hunting after it For there doth she already find all this kind of food readie dressed for her to vnderstād and eat Of her self she sees very well that she deserues Hell-Fire and that now in stead therof they giue her no other punishment then glorie And therefore she doth now euen consume her self in the prayses of Almightie God and now would I be glad euen to consume my self so Blessed be thou O
which I felt to be so very great yea and that manie times it was such that I could not auoyd it though yet withall on the other side I saw cause of very great securitie that it was God especially when I was in Prayer and I found also that I was much bettered by it and still remained with more strength of Minde towardes Vertue But yet whensoeuer I grew to be a little diuerted I returned againe to feare whether the Diuel might not haue a minde to make me conceiue that it were good for me to suspend the vse of my vnderstanding and so depriue my self of the exercise of Mentall Prayer and that I might not be able to thinke vpon the Passion of Christ our Lord nor to serue my self as I was saying of my Vnderstanding part which seemed to me a very great inconuenience But now when his Diuine Maiestie was pleased already to giue me light to the end that I might offend him no more and might also grow able to know how much I owed him for this goodnes this feare came now to encrease in such sort that it put me vpon a diligent search after some persons of Spirit with whome I might communicate my affaires and already I had gotten notice of some For by this time they of the Societie of IESVS were come hither to which Order though I yet knew no one of them I was very affectionate vpon the onlie reason of my vnderstanding what kind of life they led and what Prayer they vsed But I found not my self worthie enough to speake with them nor constant and strong enough to obey them And this gaue me yet greater feare for in fine to treat with them and yet to continue still what I was represented it self to me as an odd and ill-fauoured busines In these cogitations of mine did I passe some time till now by the much batterie which I made vpon my self and through the feares to which still I was subiect I resolued to treat with one who was a Spirituall person and to aske him what kind of Prayer that was which I vsed and to desire him to giue me light if he found me to be in errour and I resolued to vse all possible diligence not to offend Almightie God for the want which I found in my self of courage did continue me still in my feares O my deare God! how great a deceipt and errour was this in me to seperate my self from good that so I might grow to be good The Diuel it seemes is willing to labour much vpon this point in the beginning of our aspiring to Vertue for I could not in fine conquer my self heerin He well knowes that the meanes of doing good to a Soule consists in that she resolue to conferr in particular manner with such as are the freinds of Almightie God and therefore I would neuer sett anie time to resolue vpon this I expected to reforme my self first as I had also done before when I left my Prayer and perhaps I should neuer haue gone through with it for I was already declined so low towards certaine little things of ill custome and consequence which yet in fine I would not conclude to be ill that I was in need to be assisted by some other who might reach me out his hand to raise me vp And now Blessed be our Lord for in fine his owne was the first When now I saw that my feare came-on so farre for I proceeded and encreased in Prayer I conceaned that there was either some great good or els some excessiue mischeif inuolued in it for already I vnderstood very well that it was a Supernaturall aduantage which I had since sometimes I was not able to resist it and to obtaine it also when I would could not possibly be done Vpon this I grew to resolue that there would be no remedie for me if I procured nor to haue great puritie of Cōscience and if I quitted not all occasions of ill though it were but of Veniall Sinnes For if my exercise of Prayer were of the Spirit of Almightie God the benefit did very euidently appeare if it were of the Diuel yet he could doe me no hurt at all but rather would be put to sitt downe with losse if I should procure to please Almightie God and not offend him at all And now hauing resolued vpon this and euer humbly praying our Blessed Lord that he would assist me and taking the same course seuerall dayes I yet found that my Soule had not strēgth enough all alone to goe through with the obtaining so great perfection in regard of some inclination and liking which I carried to certaine things which howsoeuer they were not very ill of themselues yet they serued the turne to spoile all They told me then of a certaine Preist in this place who was a learned man and whose vertue and good life our Lord began to discouer to the world and I procured by meanes of a holie Cauallier dwelling in the same place to acquaint my self with him This Cauallier is a married man but yet leades a life so very full of example and vertue and he is of so great Prayer and Charitie that his perfection shines brightly in the eyes of all men and with much reason in regard of the great good which is growne to manie Soules by his meanes as also by his great talēts And though he be not forwarded a whitt by anie plentie in his Fortune yet he cannot choose but employ the meanes he hath that way He is of great vnderstanding and of an excellent nature His conuersation is no way troublesome but so agreable and delight full togeather with his being iust and holie that it giues gust to all such as treat with him He ordaines and gouernes all things for the great good of such Soules as he conuerses with and seemes indeed to haue no other endeauour or ayme then to doe good to all them whome he findes to be anie way capable thereof and finally to giue contentment to all Now this holie and blessed man doe I esteem to haue by his industrie and charitie layd the foundation for the saluation of my Soule And I am confunded to thinke of his humilitie in that he would be content to see me for there were as I conceiue little lesse then fortie yeares wherein he had exercised Mentall Prayer they might perhaps be fewer by two or three yeares and he led his life with all that perfection which his condition and state might seem to permit He hath a Wife who is so great a Seruant of Almightie God and a woeman so full of charitie that he looses nothing at all by possessing her In a word he chose her for such a kind of Wife as whome Almightie God knew to be fitt for so great a Seruant of his some of his kindred were married to some kinswoemen of mine And besides I was also acquainted with another great Seruant of God who was
distinct and cleare that not one single syllable of all that which is sayd can be lost And yet these things happen sometimes when the Vnderstanding and indeed the whole Soule is in so great distraction disorder that it would neuer be able to hitt right in the framing of one little peice of good discourse but she findes in this other way certaine great and weightie sentences which are imparted to her so strangely well ordered and dressed that though she were neuer so deeply recollected she were not able to reach them and yet at the verie first word thereof as I was saying they beginne to make a totall mutation of her Soule And especially if she be brought into Rapt when the Powers of the Soule are suspended how shall those things euer come to be vnderstood by her after a naturall way which were neuer exposed before to her Memorie as they come to be then when it workes not in effect at all and when her Imagination is now vpon the matter as it were all turned foole But heer it is to be vnderstood that whensoeuer either Visions are seen or anie of these Supernaturall Words or Speeches be heard it is neuer in my opinion at such times as when the Soule is wholy vnited in the Rapt it self for at those times as I thinke I declared already in my Discourse of the Second Water all the Powers of the Minde are entirely lost and so we cannot at such times as those either see or heare or vnderstand For the Soule is wholy in the power of another at that time which yet vses to last very little and me thinkes our Lord leaues her not in libertie to doe anie thing at all But when that short time is past the Soule remaining still in the Rapt this happens whereof now I speake because the Powers remaine in such sort at that time And though they be not lost yet in effect they operate and act nothing at all but are as if they were absorpt and no way able to discourse by the assembling and composing of reasons But there are so manie wayes to vnderstand the differeÌ„nce which occurrs heer between the true and the false that if the Soule should chance to be deceaued some once she would not be so very often Nay I say further that if the Soule haue had anie experience and be carefull to obserue what passes she will euidently discerne this truth For besides all other meanes whereby that will appeare which I haue sayd these strained words will worke no effect at all neither will the Soule euer admit them as yet she must these other true ones whether she will or no. Nor giues she anie credit to the thing at all but rather findes and knowes that it is but a kind of idle imagination iust so in effect as we would not make account of anie thing which were sayd to vs by a frantick person But this other is as if we heard some person speake who were very holie and learned and of great authoritie and such an one as we are sure would not lye Yea and this is but a meane and base Comparison because indeed these verie Words doe bring with them sometimes so great a Maiestie that euen without so much as reflecting vpon who it is that speakes them if they be words of reprehension they make men tremble and if they concerne the Loue of God they make Soules euen dissolue and as it were annihilate themselues in loue And they are things in fine which as I haue sayd already are very farre then from our remembrance and there vse to be so high and so great sentences so clearly and so suddainly pronounced as that there would haue been need of a very great deale of time for the putting them in order and for my part I thinke it is wholy impossible that then such things as those should be euen conceiued by vs to haue been made or framed by our selues So that there is no cause at all why I should detaine my self heerin anie longer for it would looke like a kind of wonder in mine eye if anie experienced person should be able to be deceiued heerin vnlesse he would euen haue a minde to deceiue himself It hath hapned to me very â—â—â—en not fully to beleiue that which these VVords tell me if I be in anie doubt at all thereof but to conceiue that it was no more then mine owne fancie This I doe when the occasion is past for at the present it is impossible but I haue seen it fulfilled long after because our Lord is pleased that the same should remaine still in the memorie for it is not possible to forget it Now that which is wont to proceed from our owne Vnderstanding is in effect but the first motion of our thoughts which quickly passes away and is forgotten whereas this other is a VVorke rather then a vvord And though some part of it may be forgotten in a long tract of time yet the Memorie cannot loose it so farre as not to know that it was sayd vnlesse the time may haue been very long or els if they be VVords of Fauour or of Doctrine and Instruction but if they be of Prophesye they neuer happen in my opinion to be forgotten at least this neuer hapned to me though yet I haue a very ill memorie And now I returne to say that me thinkes if a Soule be not as it were so base and wicked as euen in effect not to be a Soule and vnlesse it would counterfeit and feigne which were mischief and miserie enough and would say that she vnderstands things when yet really there were no such matter it is impossible but that she should see clearly that it is she her self who composes and frames those Words and speakes them to her self especially if she haue had anie vnderstanding at all of the Spirit of God for if she haue not she may very well remaine in this abuse or errour all the dayes of her life and may perhaps conceiue that she vnderstands those Words as spoken by some other though yet for my part I confesse that I cannot ariue to know how this should be done for either this Soule will vnderstand them or not If she be dismissing her self of that which she vnderstands and would faine vnderstand no part of it for a thousand feares besides manie other reasons which she may haue to continue quiet in her Prayer without such accidents as these how comes she to allow so much time to the Vnderstanding as may serue for the composing of these reasons For in fine there must be time for that But now in this other way we remaine instructed without anie losse of time at all yea and we grow to vnderstand certaine things at an instant when yet otherwise a moneth would haue been time little enough to ordaine them Yea and the Vnderstanding remaines no lesse then amazed at some things which we vnderstand This is the verie truth and whosoeuer
and so make those Wretches tremble For already we know well enough that the Diuel is not able to stirre vnlesse our Lord permit him What then may be the ground of all these disorders It is certainly that I am more afrayd of them who are so frighted by the Diuel then of the Diuel himself for he is vtterly vnable to doe me hurt whereas these others especially if they be Ghostlie Fathers may put Soules to much disquiet and for my part I haue passed some yeares through so great trouble that now I am euen amazed to consider how I haue been able to endure it But Blessed be our Lord who hath assisted me in so good earnest Amen THE SIX AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She prosecutes the same Discourse and goes relating and declaring such things as hapned to her vvhich made her loose feare and to be strengthned in a beleif that it vvas a good Spirit vvhich spake to her I Esteem the courage which our Lord hath vouchsafed to giue me against all the Diuels of Hell to be one of the great Fauours which it hath pleased his Diuine Maiestie to doe mee since for a Soule to goe cowardly on and to be fearefull indeed of anie thing but only to offend the Maiestie of Almightie God is an extreame inconuenience For since we haue a King who is Omnipotent and so great a Lord that he can doe what he listes and who brings all things into subiection vnder himself there is no feare at all to be had and therefore as I was saying we haue no cause to doubt so that we walke sincerely and with puritie of conscience in the presence of his Diuine Maiestie And in order to this end I shall be glad to haue all the feares in the world to offend him in anie one instant of my whole life who is able in the verie self-same instant to destroy and annihilate vs all As long as his Diuine Maiestie is pleased with vs there is no Creature who can stand against vs without hauing his head broken for his paines You will peraduenture say that this is very true but yet now on the other side where shall we find that Soule which stands so streight as that she may be wholy pleasing to him and because she is not so she is in feare I answer that I am sure that that pure and innocent Soule is none of mine which indeed is very wretched and vnprofitable and surcharged euen with a thousand miseries But yet still we haue this comfort that Almightie God doth not proceed with such rigours as men doe for he knowes and considers our frailties and the Soule hath wayes of vnderstanding and finding in it self by great coniectures whether really she loue his Diuine Maiestie or no for in such as ariue once to this state our loue to him is not now a kind of dissembled or disguised loue as it vses sometimes to be in the beginnings but it is accompanied with so great impulses and euen impetuosities of desire to see Almightie God as I shall afterward declare or rather as I haue declared already and all things are wont to afflict all things to wearie tyre and all things doe euen torment her vnlesse it be only God or for God There is not so much as anie repose which doth not displease her because she findes her self absent from her true repose and so it falls-out to be very euident that things passe not heer in a dissembling way It hath hapned to me in former times that I found my self in great tribulations and I was subiect to manie detractions by occasion of a certaine busines whereof I may haue cause to speake afterward from all that House where I liue yea and from my Order and I was afflicted vpon manie accidents which occurred then at which time it pleased our Lord to vtter these expresse words to me Of vvhat art thou afrayd Dost thou not knovv that I am Omnipotent I vvill accomplish all that vvhich I haue promised thee And indeed he accomplished it afterwards very well But euen instantly there remained such a kind of strength in me that me thought I could presently haue put my self to aduenture vpon other things though they should cost me much more trouble for the doing him seruice and could haue suffered also much more for him And this verie self same thing hath hapned to me so often that I am not able to count the times and he hath made me and makes me still such reprehensions by occasion of those imperfections which I commit sometimes that they are able euen as it were to annihilate the Soule At least they bring so much in their company as that she is mended by them for his Diuine Maiestie as I haue sayd doth not only giue vs the counsaile but the remedie At other times he brings back to me the memorie of the Sinnes of my former life and this he most ordinarily vses to doe whensoeuer he intends to vouchsafe me anie extraordinarie Fauour And he doth it in such sort that the Soule discernes her self as if she were really planted at the verie Day of the Last Vniuersall Iudgement and the truth is represented to her with such a kind of perspicuitie and claritie that she knowes not what to doe with her self At other times he is pleased to informe me of certaine dangers concerning both my self and others about things which doe not happen till three or fowre yeares after but they all were euer fulfilled and some of them might also be named if there were cause So that there are so manie particulars whereby it may be vnderstood that these things are of Almightie God as that in my opinion they cannot but be knowne and acknowledged The most secure proceeding consists in that such a person doe not faile to impart her whole Soule to her Ghostlie Father and that he be a learned man and that she doe entirely obey him At least this is the course which I take and without this I could haue no rest nor were it indeed fitt that we woemen should haue anie since we haue no learning and there can be no hurt at all in this but manie aduantages and benefits as our Lord himself hath told me manie times I say manie times I had once a Ghostlie Father who mortifyed me very much and sometimes he did euen afflict me and brought me a great deale of trouble and disquieted me in extraordinarie manner and yet it was he who in my opinion did me the most good of them all And though I loued him very much yet I had some temptations to leaue him for it seemed to me that I was much preiudiced by those inconueniences which he was wont to giue me concerning my Prayer But yet euer when I was determining to doe this I instantly vnderstood that I was to forbeare it and I receiued such a reprehension from our Lord as defeated and as it were annihilated me more then all that which my Ghostlie Father could
of the Minde and not suffer it to passe on and out so farre like some Pott which doth first so boile vp and then so boile-ouer as that the broth or water is quite spent and lost because no discretion was vsed in the quantitie of wood or coales which was put vnder it And thus let them procure to appease and slake the flame which is fed by that vehement fire with sweet and gentle teares but not with such as are forced or painefull as they are wont to be which proceed from such a vehement kind of sense as I haue formerly expressed for such are wont to be of very great inconuenience to the Partie My self vsed to haue such as these in my beginnings and they would euer leaué my head in such disorder and my Spirit in such a wearines and weaknes that I was not able sometimes for a day yea and sometimes for more dayes then one to returne to the exercise of Prayer So that we are to vse great discretion in those beginnings of ours to the end that all may goe on with much sweetnes and that the Spirit may be taught the way of operating and exercising it self inwardly and we must diligently procure that the exteriour may be auoided as much as we can But now these other impetuosities and impulses are of a most different kind and condition for heer it is not we who bring-in the wood but the fire seemes to be made already to our hands and instantly we are readie to cast our selues into it that so we may be wholy consumed The Soule doth not heer procure to make her self feele the wound which growes to be made in her by the absence of our Lord but they driue sometimes a sharp Arrow into the verie liueliest part of the hart in such sort as that the Soule her self is not able to tell distinctly either what she ayles or euen what she desires only she knowes very well that she desires and loues our Lord and that the sayd Arrow seemes to be toucht and rubbed-ouer with some bitter hearbe or other to make her euen hate her self through the loue of this Lord and to wish with all her hart that she might loose her verie life for his sake It is not in our power to expresse and much lesse to relate with aduantage the manner how God approaches and ariues to such a Soule as this or the excessiue paine that he giues which makes her not to know euen what to doe with her self But yet this verie paine is such a sauourie kind of thing withall that there is no delight in this whole world which is able to giue her more gust For the Soule as I was saying would alwaies be very glad if she might be euer dying of this Disease This paine and glorie togeather did carrie my Vnderstanding into such such distraction and disorder that I knew not how they both could possibly consist togeather O what a thing it is to see a Soule so wounded for it is iust in such sort as that one may very well affirme it to be wounded and that for a most excellent cause for now she sees very clearly that she her self did contribute no part of the reason why this Loue should grow but only it seemes that some little Sparke fell downe vpon her from that immense Loue of our Lord which set her so totally on fire O how often doe I remember that Verse of Dauid whensoeuer I find my self in this case Quem admodum desider at ceruus ad fontes aquarum ita desiderat anima mea ad te Deus meus As the Hart desires to plunge himself into the Springs of vvater so doth my Soule desire thee O my God For really me thinkes that this is euen litterally fulfilled then vpon my self Whensoeuer this comes not vpon me with great violence me thinkes I can a little appease my Soule and at least she is prouing to find some remedie For as for the performing of certaine Pennances she findes not almost in that case for what they serue for they all are felt by her no more nor puts it her to anie more paine to shed her bloud then it would if she were directly dead But in that case she is in earnest search after the finding-out some new wayes or meanes how she may be able to suffer much for the loue of our Lord but so great is that other former greif of minde that I know not what Corporall torment can possibly be able to drowne it for the remedie thereof consists not in such things as these since these medecines are of too inferiour a kind for the perfect cure of so deeply-rooted a Disease We receaue indeed some little ease and the affliction passes away to some small proportion by this meanes and by begging also the remedie of her miserie at the hands of our Blessed Lord though yet for her part she knowes not how to find anie at all but only in death for by that meanes she hopes entirely to enioy her Soueraigne Good At other times this paine falls vpon a Soule so feircely that neither this nor anie thing els can be done for it peirces the whole bodie through and through and neither can the hands or feet be stirred nay if we chance to be on foot and may happen sometimes to sit downe we doe it like a kind of transported Creatures Nor can the Soule so much as breath but only vtter certaine profound lamenting sighes which yet are not great in shew because she is not able to expresse them though yet they be very great in themselues It pleased our Blessed Lord that I should haue sometimes this following Vision I saw an Angell very neer me towards my left side and he appeared to me in a Corporeall forme though yet I am not wont to see anie thing of that kind but very rarely For though Angells be represented often to me it is yet without my seeing them but only according to that other kind of Vision whereof I spake before But in this Vision our Lord was pleased that I should see this Angell after this other manner He was not great but rather little yet withall he was of very much beautie His face was so inflamed that he appeared to be of those most Superiour Angells who seem to be all in a fire and he well might be of them whome we call Seraphins but as for me they neuer tell me their names or rankes yet howsoeuer I see thereby that there is so great a difference in Heauen between one Angell and another as I am no way able to expresse I saw that he had a long Dart of gold in his hand and at the end of the iron below me thought there was a little fire and I conceaued that he thrust it some seuerall times through my verie Hart after such a manner as that it passed the verie inwards of my Bowells and when he drew it back me thought it carried
be neuer so much alone though yet I feele still that I know there is a God and I find also that it is my Imagination and my Vnderstanding which doe me so much hurt in these occasions and cafes for as for my Will me thinkes it stands right in me and that it is disposed to all goodnes But this Vnderstanding of mine is so entirely lost that it seemes to be no other thing then some furious and madd kind of Foole whome no bodie is able to bind nor am I so farre Mistresse thereof as that I can make it quiet for one Credo Sometimes I fall on laughing and yet then doe I know my miserie and stand looking vpon my Soule and permit her to doe what she will and yet our Lord be thanked she neuer by anie meanes applyes her self to anie thing which is ill but only about things which are indifferent if there be anie thing which may occurr to be done either heer or there or anie where els But thus I come to know better the incomparable mercie which our Lord is pleased to shew me vpon his tying-vp this madd foole when we are in perfect contemplation And heer I consider what would become of me if such persons as hold me now for good could discerne me to haue these idlenesses and impertinencies which I haue described heer But now I haue very great compassion of a Soule to find her in so ill companie as this I would faine see her rather in libertie and I expresse my self in this manner to our Blessed Lord When O my God shall I ariue to see my Soule all conioyned and vnited togeather in celebrating thy praise that so all the Powers thereof may admire thee Permit not heerafrer O Lord that she wander vp and downe by peices for now it seemes no otherwise then as if euerie one of the same Powers were running vp and downe in a seuerall way These things passe thus very often and I vnderstand also very well that sometimes the little corporall health I haue contributes much to these inconueniences I also reflect much by these occasions vpon the hurt which the Sinne of our First Parent hath done vs for me thinkes it is growne from thence that we are incapable to enioy so great a good and mine owne sinnes are a great part of the cause for certainly if I had not committed so manie I should haue remained more entire and free towards the doing of good I was subiect also by times to another very great inconuenience for conceauing that I vnderstood all the Bookes that treat of Prayer which I came to read and that already our Blessed Lord had done me some such kind of fauour as that I needed them not for this reason I did not read them but applyed my self to read the Liues of Saints And finding my self also very short in that wherein they had so heroically serued Almightie God this seemed to doe me good and giue me strength but yet me thought this was a signe of little humilitie for me to thinke that I was already ariued to hold that degree of Prayer And not being able to quiet my self otherwise I continued much in paine till certaine learned men and particularly that blessed Creature Fray pedro de Alcantara declared to me that I was not to be troubled at that I am not ignorant that in the seruing of Almightie God I haue not yet so much as begunne though yet the way which his Diuine Maiestie hath held in doing me Fauours is the same which he hath vsed towards such as are good whereas for my part I am no more then a direct downe-right meer imperfection vnlesse it be in my desires to loue him for in this indeed I see well that our Lord hath done me Fauour that so I may performe some little thing for him I confesse me thinkes I loue him but my actions and the manie imperfections which I discerne therein giue me great discomfort At other times my Soule falls into a kind of Foolerie for so it is when me thinkes I doe neither good nor ill but follow on after the walke of others folkes and this neither with paine nor glorie nor with thought of life or death nor gust nor trouble yea me thinkes she feeles nothing at all but rather seemes to me to walke on like some little Asse who seeds and sustaines himself because they giue him somewhat to eate and he eates almost without thinking what he is doing For the Soule when she is in this state is not likely to be without feeding vpon some great Fauours of Almightie God since she is not troubled with liuing in so miserable a life as this but passes through it with patience and equalitie of minde but yet these motions and effects are not found by her in such sort as that the Soule is made to vnderstand her self by them It seemes now also to me to be as when men saile at Sea by the breath of a sweet and gentle Winde for then we ridd much way though we scarce know how Whereas in those other conditions the effects are so very great that the Soule doth almost instantly discerne her owne improuement for instantly doe her desires boile vp and the Soule can neuer satisfye her self but they to whome Almightie God imparts such impetuosities of Loue doe find such operations as these This is like certaine little Springs which I haue obserued to rise and where the Sand neuer ceases to moue vpwards And this example and comparison of Soules which be ariued to this state seemes very naturall to me For Loue will be euer boyling vpward and considering and deuising about what it may be able to doe and can by no meanes be contained in it self as it seemes the water whereof I spake is not able to continue in the earth which still is casting it vp from thence And iust so is it very vsuall for the Soule not to be at quiet or in contentment with her self through the loue she beares to Almightie God but she is so bathed and soaked and filled with it that she wishes that others would drinke too since for her part she cannot want that so they might assist her to sing the praises of Almightie God O how often doe I call to minde that liuing Water whereof our Lord spake to the Samaritan as indeed I am very much deuoted to that Ghospell And really it is most true that I was so euen from my childhood though I did not then vnderstand this benefit as now I doe but I often besought our Lord to bestow of this Water vpon me and alwaies I had the Image or Figure of it at hand with this Motto or Word of hers when he was so neer the Well Domine da mihi hanc aquam O Lord bestovv this vvater vpon me It seemes also to me that as a Fire which is very great needs matter vpon which to worke to the end that it may not be extinguished So also for
saith he this cannot grow but from one of these two occasions Namely that either it is because they will murmure against you Orels for that they will praise and magnifye me Meaning that they who should beleiue it would praise him and they who should not beleiue it would condemne me though yet without anie fault at all of mine But he sayd that both those things would proue to be of aduantage to me and that therefore I must no longer be troubled at it This quieted me very much then and it also comforts me now whensoeuer I call it to minde This temptation came on so farre that it gaue me an inclination to quitt this place and to carrie my fortunes with me to another Monasterie which was very much more enclosed and shut vp then that wherein I was for the present And I liked it also the rather for that I had heard it extreamly praised manie wayes and besides it was a House of mine owne Order yea and also very farre off from my former aboade And it was a thing which would haue comforted me much to remaine where I were vtterly vnknowne but my Ghostlie Father would neuer permit it These feares did much depriue me of Libertie of Spirit but I came to vnderstand afterward that it was no good Humilitie since it gaue me such a deale of disquiet And our Lord vpon that occasion taught me this truth that if indeed I were resolued and assured that nothing at all of mine were good but that it were all of God it would follow that iust so as I would not be sorrie to heare other persons praised but rather would be greatly comforted and ioyed that our Lord did shew himself in them So neither would I be sorrie that his workes might be also seen in me I fell also vpon another extreame and it was to beg of Almighty God yea and I made particular Prayer to this purpose that when by accidēt anie person should enter into good opinion of me his Diuine Maiestie would be pleased to declare my Sinnes to him to the end that the man might see how absolutly without anie merit of mine it pleased our B. Lord to doe me Fauours And this doe I euer much desire though my Ghostlie Father haue commanded me not to aske it But hitherto till very lately if I chanced to see anie person who thought extraordinarily well of me I tooke the best meanes I could find by some deuise or other to tell him my sinnes and thus I conceaued my self to find ease But yet heerby they haue put me into a kind of scruple that this proceeded not in me from humilitie and that it rather grew from a temptation in regard that manie came to me and I seemed to haue cosened them all But though it be very true that they are indeed deceaued if they thought that there was anie goodnes in me yet had I no desire at all to deceaue them nor did I euer pretend anie such thing but that our Blessed Lord might haue perhaps permitted it And so for the self-same reason I would neuer haue imparted anie priuate accident of mine which was no Sinne euen to my verie Ghostlie Fathers themselues vnlesse I had found it to be wholy necessarie for I should otherwise haue had much scruple to doe it But now I see very well that all these little feares and troubles superfluities of ill-grounded Humilities doe sauour very sufficiently of imperfection and proceed from the immortification of the Soule For to a Soule which is well resigned into the hands of Almightie God it doth not import her a iott more that they should speake well of her then ill if once she vnderstand well and home forasmuch as God will giue her that grace that she hath nothing at all of her self but let her confide in him who imparts it and she shall know in time why he discouers it And in the meane while let her prepare her self for persecution for it will most certainly ariue in such an Age as this vpon anie such person as to whome our Lord will haue it knowne that he doth her such Fauours as these For vpon anie such Soule as this a thousand watchfull eyes will be cast whereas there will not be one vpon a whole thousand of such other Soules as be of a contrarie making And there is really much cause to feare this and it ought to haue been my feare that the other was not Humilitie but Pusillanimitie For a Soule which Almightie God permits to be exposed thus to the sight of the world may expect to be a Martyr of the same world for if she will not dye to it she shall dye by it For my part I really see nothing in this thing called World which seemes good to me except only that it giues not way that worthie and good people should be permitted to doe ill without being murmured at for their labour and by this meanes they grow to perfect themselues But there is need of more fortitude and courage for a man who is yet imperfect to walke-on towards a way of perfection then euen to be instantly made a Martyr For Perfection is not so quickly gotten vnlesse it be by some such person as to whome our Blessed Lord may vouchsafe that Fauour by way of a particular priuiledge But the world discerning once that a man beginnes to aspire to doe well will needs account him perfect at an instant and then will it presently see anie fault in him if he haue anie though it be a thousand leagues off Yea and perhaps that which they hold to be a fault in him shall indeed be a vertue and the other who condemnes him and is wont peraduenture to doe the self-same thing by an impulse of vice will iudge ill of it in another So that according to his dictamen that other man should neither eate nor sleepe nor euen as it were draw his breath And the more also they esteem such persons the more apt are they to forget that how perfect soeuer their Soules be and how absolutly soeuer they tread the whole world vnder their feet yet still they are in the Bodie and liue vpon Earth and are subiect to the miseries of their condition And therefore still I say that there is need of a great deale of courage because such men haue a minde that the poore Soule which hath not yet begunne to walke should already fly She hath not yet ouercome and mortifyed her passions and yet these men will needs expect that she should remaine as entire and firme as they haue read of Saints themselues after they were confirmed in grace The particulars which occurr in this kind are to giue a man cause to wonder and withall euen to afflict vs to the hart to see so manie Soules turne back againe which know not poore Creatures as they are what shift to make for themselues and so doe I beleiue that mine had also done if our
that I knew not what to doe with my self O that we would looke with attention vpon the things of this world for euerie bodie would then be quickly able to find by experience how little he were to lodge either his contentment or discontentment vpon it It is most certaine in my opinion that this was one of the feircest kind of fitts of affliction that euer I had endured in my whole life And it seemes as if my verie Spirit had half prophecied how much did still rest behind to be endured though yet that ariued not so farre as this if it had continued But now our Blessed Lord did not permit this poore Seruant of his to suffer long nor did he euer faile to succour me in my tribulations nor did he also in this For now he gaue me a little light wherewith to see that all this was of the Diuel and that I might discerne the truth and that the whole busines was but to put me into a fright by lyes and so I came by degrees to call to mind and to recouer the great resolutions which I had formerly conceaued towards the Seruice of our Blessed Lord as also my desires to suffer for him And so I grew also to consider that if really I intended to fulfill them I was not to busie my self about procuring rest and ease but if I would endure afflictions that this was the true way to merit and that if I would goe-through with them for the Seruice of Almightie God they would be in stead of Purgatorie for me of what was I afrayd that since I desired afflictions these which were offered now would be very fitt good and that where the greatest contradiction was felt the richest gaine would be found and why should my hart faile me for his Seruice to whome I owed so much And by these and other considerations and employing all the courage I had I made a promise in presence of the B. Sacrament to doe all the verie vttermost that I could to get leaue to come to this Monasterie as also if I might doe it with safe conscience to promise Clausure But now at my resoluing vpon this the Diuel fled instantly away and left me very quiet and contented and so I haue remained euer since And all that which is obserued in this House either by way of Inclosure or Pennance in anie kind hath made it self both very delightfull and seems very little And the contentment on the other side is so extreamly great that I am thinking seuerall times if I were able to find anie thing in the whole world which could be of so much gust to me as this I knew not also whether perhaps euen this might not be the true reason why I enioy better health now then euer or els that perhaps our Lord would haue it so because perhaps there might be some necessarie vse thereof and because it is but reason that I should also doe thosethings which are performed by all the rest and therefore that he is pleased to giue me so much comfort as to be able to doe it though yet it be with some little trouble But certainly all they who see it and are priuie to the great infirmities to which I am subiect be amazed at it Blessed be our Lord who giues it all and hath power enough wherewith to doe it But I failed not in the meane time to be very well wearied with such a stiffe contention and strife as this though yet I laughed at the Diuel for I clearly saw it was he And I conceaue that our Blessed Lord would permit it because I neuer knew till then what it was to be in anie disgust for being a Religious woeman Nor did I euer find anie during the space of eight and twentie yeares and more that I had been one But now his Diuine Maiestie permitted it to come vpon me to the end that I might the better vnderstand the great Fauour which it had pleased our Lord to doe me in that State yea and the torment from which he had freed me as also to the end that if afterward I saw anie one who should be afflicted in the same kind I might not be frighted at it but might both haue compassion of her and know also how to giue her comfort if there should be cause But now hauing passed this brunt and being desirous to rest a little when I should haue dined for in all the night before I had taken none as also in manie other nights I had not failed of care and trouble enough when yet I was also tired out in the dayes as they knew very well what passed not only in the Monasterie but in the Cittie there was growne to be a great deale of noise and disquiet vpon the occasions which haue been formerly touched yea and there seemed to be some coulour for the same iust then the Prioresse required me to be called and that I must goe to her at the instant And meeting with her commandment I left my Religious full of paine and care and so instantly went to her But I then perceaued well that I was to be sure of troubles enow though yet the House being then dispatched I was not in very much paine Howsoeuer I betooke my self to Prayer beseeching our Blessed Lord to be good to me and begging of my Father S. Ioseph that he would bring me back againe to his House and in the meane time I offered-vp all that which I might chance to endure for his sake and I was to be very well pleased if it fell out that I might suffer anie thing for him or be able to serue him And so I went away with opinion that they would instantly commit me to Prison Whereby I yet conceaue that they would so haue done me a great deale of pleasure for then I should not haue been vexed with their talking and I should haue enioyed a little Solitude whereof I was in very great want for they had euen as it were grinded me to dust by forcing me to conuerse so long with such a multitude of people But being then ariued and hauing giuen account of my self to the Superiour she was a little appeased and they all agreed to send me to the Prouincial and so the Cause was to depend before him And as soone as I was come thither for Iudgement I found my self with much contentment to see that I was suffering somewhat for the loue of our Lord. For as for hauing done anie thing either against his Diuine Maiestie or yet against the Order I conceaued not that I had offended but rather had endeauoured to augment it to the vttermost of my power and would be glad with my whole hart to dye for it For all my desires were that it might be fulfilled according to the vttermost perfection But in the meane time I called to minde the Sentence which was passed vpon Christ our Lord and I acknowledged what a Nothing this was
in respect of his I accused my self then as in fault yea and as very faultie and so I make no doubt but I was in the opinions of all them who knew not very much of the Cause And after they had giuen me a great reprehension though not yet with so much rigour as the fault might seem to deserue and as manie of them told the Prouincial that I had committed I was absolutly for my part resolued to hold on this course And so I rather desired that they should pardon me and then punish me if they would but by no meanes remaine vnkinde or ill-affected towards me In some things I plainly saw that they had no reason at all against me but that they condemned me without cause as when they sayd I had done whatsoeuer I had done to the end that I might be held in great opinion and to be talked of and such other toyes as that But in others I saw clearly that they sayd true as namely that I was much worse then the rest and that since I had not kept the Obseruances of that House which were maintained with so much pietie and deuotion there how could I come to thinke of performing another Rule of more rigour and that this was but to raise-vp nouelties in the world and to scandalize the people But yet all this caused no tumult in my hart nor put mee to anie paine at all though yet I shewed to be in some least otherwise they might conceaue that I vndervalued what they sayd But in fine the Prouincial commanded me to giue account of my self to them of the former Monastery and that I must necessarily doe it And so being at great peace within my self and our Lord assisting me therein I gaue such a discharge of my actions as that neither the Prouincial nor the Religious Woemen who were in that Assemblie found anie thing for which to condemne me After this I spoke more plainly to him in priuate and I did it also more at large and he was very well satisfyed with me and promised me that if the Cittie should proceed towards a being quiet againe he would giue me leaue to goe to my Monasterie But the disorder and distemper of the Cittie was so very great as I shall now declare Within two or three dayes after that time the Gouernour and other Magistrates of the Towne and some also of the Chapter of the Cathedrall Church mett togeather and they all declared ioyntly That by no meanes they must permit the worke to goe forward That it would result to the euidēt disaduantage of the Common-Wealth That they must not faile to remoue the B. Sacrament from thence and by no meanes permit the busines to proceed One onlie Doctour of S. Dominick's Order although he were of a contrarie opinion to vs I meane not in that point of the Monasterie but in that other of being incapable of Reuenue and Poore sayd that there was no cause why the House should instantly be dissolued after that manner but that it ought to be well considered That there would be time enough for this That it was a Case which belonged to the Bishop and diuerse other things of this kind which did very much good to the busines For considering how great the furie of the people was it was happie that they did not put the dissoluing of the House presently in execution And this shewed that the thing in fine was to take effect and that our Blessed Lord was pleased to haue it so and that they all could doe little against his will and pleasure but yet they all assigned their reasons and expressed good zeale in what they sayd And yet thus without their giuing offence to Almightie God they made both me and diuerse others suffer who fauoured the Busines The tumultuous disposition of the people was so great that now there was no talke of anie thing els and they all agreed in condemning me and in going to complaine of me to the Prouincial and to my Monasterie As for me I was no more troubled at what they sayd then if they had not sayd it but the onlie feare I had was whether or no they would dissolue the House for this put me to a great deale of paine and so also did it to see that the persons who assisted me lost credit and were otherwise also put to much inconuenience by it But as for that which they sayd of me I was rather glad of it then otherwise And if I had had anie Faith it would haue made no alteration in me at all but when there is a want in some one vertue all the rest are wont to be cast into a kind of slumber And so I was much troubled during those two dayes wherein the two Assemblies whereof I spake were made amongst the people And I being very much afflicted our Lord said these words to me Dost thou not knovv that I am povverfull Of vvhat art thou afrayd And thus did he assure me that the House should not be dissolued whereby I remained full of comfort But then did they dispatch their Agents or Sollicitours to the Councell Royall with their Informations and so there came order from thencė to send a Relation thither of the whole proceeding So that heet we might behold the beginning of a great Suite in Law for already some were gone to the Court on the part of the Cittie others were instantly to goe on the part of the Monasterie and on the other side neither had we anie monie nor did I know what to doe but our Lord prouided all things for vs. And as for me my Father Prouinciall did neuer forbid me to deale in it for he is so true a friend to all Vertue that although he did not assist in the worke yet he would not be against it though yet withall it be very true that he would neuer giue me leaue to passe to this new Monasterie till he might see what kind of end the Busines would haue In the meane time the Seruants of God were all alone and did more with their prayers then all that which I was able to doe by way of negotiation though yet still it were necessarie to vse diligence enough Sometimes it would seem that all was wanting and especially one day before the Prouinciall came hither when the Prioresse commanded me not to treat anie more about that busines but to giue it vtterly ouer But then went I to Almightie God and sayd O my Lord This House is not mine but it was made for thee and now there is no Creature to negotiate the busines for vs and therefore thy Diuine Maiestie must be pleased to doe it Heervpon I found my self really and instantly at so great ease and so without anie manner of trouble as if I had had the whole world on my side to employ it self for me and so I held all the busines to be in safetie Vpon this a certaine Priest a very great Seruant of
neer them vvith hallovved Candles * An excellent Aduise Take heed of this great danger * Consider this point much and often * Note this good Conclusion vpon the Praemises * Note this very vvell for nothing imports more thē this * A great and gross errour * A point of very great importance * Note * This vvas the beginning of many great blessings * Her entrance into the receaueing Supernaturall Fauours * It vvorkes not indeed by vvay of vsing Discourse or makeing Inferences but yet it vvorks by vvay of Contēplation and Admiration of the Infinite Obiect being God vvho is set before it * Note * A great foolish errour * Behold heer the true great impediment * This Saint is admirable in all the Comparisons vvhich the vses * This is a kind of Engine vvith certaine little leather Buckets fastned to the sides of a very great vvheele vvhich dra vves vp very much vvater vvith great ease In Spanish it is called a Noria * A good Lesson * A consideration of much comfort * A hard question most clearly and excellently ansvvered * Marke vvell these masculine and massye vvords * Note * This suspending of the Thought or Vnderstanding of vvhich the Saint speakes is a presenting a multitude of Supernaturall and Diuine Obiects before it together vvith a copious infusion of Light vvich is decerned by it after a kind of intuitiue vvay at once vvithout discourse or trouble And this Light rests not there but passes-on to the VVill and grovves to be as so much Fyre for the inflameing it in the Loue of our Lord. And the Soule doth more properly suffer heer then act And novv the Saint giues great vvarning that people be not so foolish as to offer at these things of themselues A great truth * A dangerous provvd foolish errour * Obserue the generous vvay of this great Saint * Note this very vvell * A great praise of a large hart * Hovv Saynts are to be imitated hovv admired * Note this vvell * A necessary Aduise * Our daily Bread * A description of a good Directour in matter of Spirit * Note * Hovv the VVill is to carry it selfe to the other Faculties of the Minde * The blessings of Quiet Prayer * Note * Note * Hovv the Soule is to carry it selfe in Quiet Prayer * Note * A true happy Comparison * The good Spirit very easily discerned from the bad * Note this point aboue all * A most necessary Document * A great blessing by meanes of this Prayer * These are the more generous mindes * As vvhen one is dyinge * This is an admirable State of Minde * The true State of the Povvers of the Minde in this Prayer Hovv there is an Vnion in this Prayer hovv there is none * The great effects of this high Prayer * The difference betvveē Eleuatiō and Vnion * She proceeds in declaring the great effects of this high Prayer * A Cōsideration of strange comfort * This is strange indeed * The strong Pillar of Prayer * Consider this very vvell * Take heed * A most dangerous temptation * Consider and admire this passage * The manner nature of Rapts * The Effects of Rapts * The strangest state of Minde vvhich perhaps is described in the vvhole Booke * The effect of Rapts * This Saynt it admirable in her Comparisons * Other great effects of true Rapts * Her great zeale for the conuersion of Kings * She alludes to Comets and blazing Starrs * A rare expression * Anopinion vvhich is more probable then true * This seems to haue been a foolish and ill-fauoured kind of errour in those others * That vvas by seuerall Visions * A svveet and iust cōplaint and vvorthie of the Saint vvho made it * By Vision * Beleiue and consider this most certaine Truth * A doubt vvhich cannot easily be solued * She grovves novv to make serious enquiry after a good Directour * The only excellent course * This holy mā enters often into the Story of our Saynt * This vvas no improbable opinion though it vvere no true one * So good a begining vvas almost a kind of perfecting the vvorke * The Saynt begann heer to be happy * This vvas a vvise man likely to vvorke vvonders vpon a Soule * He lost nothing by leaueing to be a Duke for Gods sake * This must needs haue been a holy and a vvise man * A little of this goes farr * So true it is that God is God * The mighty force and povver of any one Supernaturall vvord * The infinit differēce betvveē Supernaturall vvords of God all other * A strange encounter * Great povver of our Lord. * Hovv quickly she gott courage against the Diuells * A most certaine truth * This vvas a very ill aduise indeed * The incredible deare svveetnes of our B. Lord to a Soule * Obserue this vvell * This Saint yovv see vvas certainly no Protestant * The Masque of Pride * An admirable example of Pennance * Humane frailty and celestiall glory are not compatible * Imaginary Visions represented to by the senses are of the lovvest ranke most subiect to danger * The great effects of an admirable and most sublime Vision * The differēce is easily found both betvveen a true Vision and a false and betvveen a true Vision and a Fancy * A plaine demonstration * In order to the guideing of others a Directour may easily haue too meane an optnion of himselfe * This Saint vvas hugely vexed by the insatisfaction vvhich she receiued from many Spirituall men * This is very fitt to be knovvne * This is a true Fortiter sed Suauiter * This Saint vvas most strangely familiarly and supernaturally visited by our B Lord. * A strange Taske vvhich vvas put even by holy men upon this Saint * The more she vvas discountenanced euen by good men so much the more highly vvas she fauoured by our Lord. * A rare Comparison * Still more more excellent comparisons * An excellent most necessary Aduise * A strange mixture of affections but such as God knovves hovv to giue * This greife is after the rate of the loue * A very safe and vvise vvay of proceeding * This is a most certaine truth * Heer follovves a vvhole vvorld of sad temptations troubles * The differēce betvveē Diuine and Diabolicall greife of minde * The vvay manner of a great desolation * A pretty humour * A happy State * She makes along Discourse of the Diabolicall Temptations troubles to vvhich she vvas subiect * The excellency of Holy VVater * A great and iust consolation * A question vvorthy of him that askt it * This is a very great Truth but the Accent must be put vpon the vvord Indeed * And though she should haue continued to aske it I dare say our Lord vvould not haue graunted it * A must certaine truth * A vvise solid Truth * Exercise of Prayer and loue of Honour agree not vvell together * This is not to be litterally vnderstood for the Diuell can prepare no place for a Soule in Hell but by the Decree of Almighty God vpon the particular Iudgement giuen at the death of the Party * The Sinnes of Ingratitude discorrespondence and inordinate affection to Creatures vvhich she did committ and the greater and mortall Sinnes vvhich she vvould most certainly haue committed if the Mercy of our Blessed Lord had not preuented and vvithheld her * Hell is represented to her in Spirit after a most subtile manner and it vvas shevved to her and described by her in such sort as that such Creatures may be capable thereof as are indued not only vvith Mindes but vvith Bodyes * The excellent fruits vvhich this Saint did gather from this great Fauour vvhich seems to be the sole cause vvhy our B. Lord vvas pleased to impare this Fauour * The great benefit of this Fauour * Vide supra fol 471. * A svveet Effect of a sad Cause * A sad and strange proceeding * Hovv one suspition u vvont to thrid it self close vpon another * A holy vvise man * All these things and the like as namely Darts or Chaines or Crovvnes or Ievvells c. are not to be vnderstoood after a grosse materiall vvay but yet that really they haue truth in their being represented distinctly clearly to the Imagination of the Partyes and they cheifly serue as testimonies Signes of those interiour graces vertues vvhich vse to be imprinted vpon Soules at those very times by the mercy of our B. Lord. * She meanes her selfe * This Saint vvas an excellent person to make a freind of * A very strange demonstration of a most ciuill noble and freindly hart * Our Blessed Lord is still as good as his vvord * The great Charity Humility of the Saynt * Hovv deuout this deare Saynt is * They vvere very noble though they vvere poore * The Diuell is still himselfe * This is such a kind of vvorld as vvherein things vvill euer goe thus * A true ansvver to all the Diuells Obiections * Note the description vvhich the Saynt makes heer of her Religious * This Fast of the Order is not so strict and rigorous as that of the Church but is rather a forbearance of halfe the Meale then a Fast * This Point of haueing so very fevv in a Monastery vvas partly meant for them vvho vvere to liue in any place on Almes and partly because the Saint had seen some disorders by haueing too many Religious in other Hovvses and yet the Saint her selfe came aftervvard to admit of tvventy in stead of tvvelue and vvould perhaps haue admitted more if she had found reason for it * She inueighs vvith much reason against vaine Complements and especially amongst Religious people * An excellent most vsefull Document * A true noble most generous hart * Great effects of a Vision
me to see a Soule so pertinacious and so vngratefull towards him who had vouchsafed it so great Fauours And I wish I could get leaue to declare that multitude of times that I failed of my obligation to Almightie God in this number of yeares by reason that I was not applyed to and supported by the strong pillar of Prayer I passed through this tempestuous Sea almost twentie yeares between these fallings and risings though I rose il-fauourdly enough since I returned againe so quickly to fall in this kind of life tending towards perfection but yet in so base a way as that I made no account at all of Veniall Sinnes and for such as were Mortall it is true that although I feared them yet I did not euen that as I ought since I absented not my self from the danger therof but I will be bold to say that it is one of the most painefull kindes of life that can possibly be imagined For I neither enioyed the sweetnes of God nor yet the satisfaction of the world When I found my self in the contentments of the world the remembrance of what I owed to God gaue me paine and whilst I was conuersing with his Diuine Maiestie the inclinations affections of the world gaue me disquiet And this is a kinde of warre so very painefull that I know not how it was possible for me to finde meanes to endure it for one moneth and much more how I could doe it for so manie yeares notwithstanding that I yet clearly see the great mercie which Almightie God shewed me heerin since I was to treat of manie things in the world that still I should haue the courage to giue my self to Prayer I say courage for as for me I see not what one thing there is of so manie as are to be found in the whole world wherein there is need of a greater then to treat of committing Treasons against a King and to know that he knowes it well and yet neuer to goe out of his presence For howsoeuer it be very true that we are alwaies in the presence of Almightie God yet me thinkes that they who conuerse with him in Prayer are in his presence after a more particular manner for they are seeing then that he sees them whereas others may perhaps remaine some dayes in his presence and yet without remembring that he lookes vpon them True it is that within that time there were I beleiue manie moneths and sometimes peraduenture a whole yeare that I kept my self from offending our Lord and gaue my self much to Mentall Prayer and I also vsed some yea and manie diligences that I might neuer grow more to offend him And because all that which I write now is to be deliuered with entirenes of truth I declare my self heer as you see But I remember little of those good dayes and therefore it may be thought they were few and the ill ones manie yet few of those few passed away without my allowing a good long time for Prayer vnlesse I were either very sick or extreamly busie The worse I was in my health the more I was vnited with God and I procured that such persons as vsed to be with me at those times might be so too and I begged it of our Lord and we spake very often of him And so vnless it were that one yeare of which I haue spokē in eight and twentie yeares which haue passed since I beganne first to vse Mentall Prayer I haue endured this battaile and strife of treating both with God and the World more then eighteen yeares In those other yeares whereof I am yet to speake the cause of the warre was changed though of it self it was no inconsiderable thing but in regard that I was then as I conceaue in the seruice of Almightie God and in a knowledge of the vanitie of whatsoeuer this world can be it did all proue delightfull and pleasant as I will shew heerafter Now the reason why I haue related all this is First as I was saying before to the end that the mercie of Almightie God togeather with my ingratitude may be well discerned And Secondly that it may be also vnderstood how great a blessing Almightie God doth to that Soule which he disposes to vse Mentall Prayer with a good affection and will though yet it should not be so very well disposed for it as were fitt for in fine if he perseuer therein what Sinne soeuer he committ and whatsoeuer Temptation be offered and whatsoeuer Falls be giuē him in a thousand strāge fashions by the Diuel I hold in fine for certaine that our Lord will draw him at length out of the Storme into the Port of Saluation as now by all apparance he hath drawne me and I humbly beseech his Diuine Maiestie that I may neuer returne againe to be lost Manie holie and good men haue written of the benefit which he obtaines who exercises himself in Prayer I meane Mental Prayer and glorie be to Almightie God for being the cause thereof and yet if that were not true though I haue little humilitie yet am I not withall so insolent as that I would presume to speake vpon this subiect But of that whereof I haue some experience I may vet presume to say somewhat and it is this That whosoeuer hath begunne to frequent the vse of Prayer I wish him not to giue it ouer whatsoeuer sinnes he committ in the meane time since this is the meanes by which he may recouer himself againe which he will find to be of much more difficultie without it And let not the Diuel tempt him to leaue it as he did me vpon a pretence of humilitie but let him firmly belieue that his words can neuer want truth who sayd That if we will repent our selues in good earnest and resolue to offend the Diuine Maiestie no more he restores vs to the same friendship which we had before with him and doth vs the same fauours vvhich he did vs before and sometimes they proue to be much greater if the repentance deserue it And vvhosoeuer hath not yet begunne this exercise I beseech him for the loue of our Lord that he vvill no longer depriue himself of so great a benefit There is nothing to be feared heer but much to be desired For though a man should not proceed so farr as to striue to gaine such perfection as may prepare and as it vvere deserue those gusts and regalo's vvhich God is vvont to giue to such persons yet the least vvhich he shall get vvill be that he shall be going on in the vvay to Heauen And I know so much of the mercie of Almightie God that I may conclude for certaine enough that no bodie euer tooke him for a friend whome he did not well requite for his paines For Mentall Prayer is no other thing in my opinion then a Treatie about making Friendship with Almightie God and a frequēt and priuate Commerce hand to hand with him by