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A46934 The pleasant conceits of Old Hobson the merry Londoner Full of humorous discourses, and witt[y] merryments, whereat the quickest wits may laugh, and the wiser sort take pleasure. Johnson, Richard, 1573-1659? 1649 (1649) Wing J809A; ESTC R216319 20,832 52

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brave apparell upon a time walking abroad with other Women her neighbours they espyed a paire of silke stockings upon her legs and desiring the like never let their husbands to live quiet after till they had silke stockings of the same fashion so within a wéeke or two fol●lowing their husbands came complaining t● M. Hobson and said Sir qd one of them 〈◊〉 suffrance of your Wifes pride hath spoyle● all ours for since she hath worne silke stock●ing our wives have grown so importunate that they must néeds have the like and you are the chiefest cause in suffering her to weare the same O good my neighbours qd M. Hobson I have great cause in doing so and i● brings me much quietnesse as how qd one of them marry thus neighbours for seeing I cannot please her above the knee I must needs please her below the knee and the onely taing to please a woman is to let her have her will 26. Of Master Hobsons rewarding a Poet for a books dedication UPon New-years day M. Hobson sitting at dinner in a Poets company or as you may terme him a writer of Histories therecame a poore man and presented him a couple of Orenges which he kindly tool● 〈◊〉 a New-yeers gift and gave the poore man for the same an Angell of Gold and thereupon gave them to his Wife to lay up among other Iewels considering they had likewise cost him an Angell the which she did the Poet sitting by and marking the bounty of M. Hobson for so small a matter he went home an devised a book containing 40. shéetes of paper which which was halfe a yeare in writi●h and came gave it to M. Hobson in dedication and thought in his minde that he in the recompencing the poore man so much for an Orenge would yeeld far more recompence for his booke being so long in studying M. Hobson tooke the Poets Booke thankfully and perceiving he did it only for his bounty shewed for the Orange given him wiled his Wife to fetch the said Orenge being then almow rotten and gave to the Poet saying here is a Iewell which cost me a thousand times the worth in Gold therefore I thinke thou art well satisfied for thy books dedication the Poet séeing this went his way ashamed 27. How M. Hobson gave one of his servants the h●lfe of a blind mans benefit MAster Hobson●●eing still very good to the poore and most bountifull to aged people there came to him usually twice or thrice a week ● silly poore old blinde men to sing under his window for whch he continually gave him 12. pence a time M. Hobson having one of his servants so churlish and withall so covetous that he would suffer the blind man to come no more unlesse he shared halfe his benefit the which the blinde singing man was forc'd to give rather then to lose all after twice or thrise parting shares M. Hobson had thereof intelligence who consulting with the blind man served his servant in this manner still he looked for halfe whatsoever he got so this at last was M. Hobsons gift who gave commandement that the blind man should have for his singing thréescore jerks with a suf●●cient Whip and to be equally parted as the other Gifts were the which were presently given the blind mans was very easie but M. Hobsons mans were very sound ones so that every jerke drew blood after this he never sought to diminish his Masters bounty 28 How M Hobson found out the pi●●stealer IN Chri●●mas holy-dayes when M. Hobsons Wife ha● many pies in the Oven one of his servants had stole one of them out and a● y● Taverne had merrily eaten it it fortune● 〈◊〉 day some of his servants ●ined with him and one of the best pies were missing the stealer ●hereof after dinner he found out in 〈…〉 he ●a●ed all his servants in friendly 〈…〉 to the hall and ●aused each of them to drinke one to another ●oth Wine Ale and 〈◊〉 till they were all drunke then caused he a table to be furnished with very good cheare whereat he likewise pleased them being set altogether he said why ●it you not down●fellowes we be set already qd they Nay qd M. Hobson he that stole the pie is not yet 〈…〉 that I doe quoth he that stole it by which meames he knew what was then become of the pye for the poore fellow being drunke could not keepe his owne secrets 19 Of M. Hobson and a Docter of Phisick UUpon a time when M. Hobson lay sick and in very great paine there came unto him a D. of Physick that told him he could not escape but must néeds dye of that sicknesse M. Hobson a while after not by the D. helpe but by the will of God recovered and was whole of his disease yet was he very low and bare brought and as he walked forth one day he met the said D. which doubting whether he was the sick man or no said are not you Sir the man called M. Hobson yes truly qd he are you alive or dead said the D. I am dead qd M. Hobson what doe you here then said the Doctor I am here qd M H●b●o● because I have experience in many Earthly things and God hath sent me to the World againe with a commandement to take up all physitions I can get and send them thither to him which made him look pale M. Hobson séeing this said unto him feare not M Doctor though I said all Physitians you are none there is no man that hath wit will take you for one therefore you are not in my charge farewell 30 How M. Hobson answered a popish Frier IN the Reigne of Q Mary when this Land was builded with superstition there was a po●ish Frier that made an Oration in the Ch●●ter ●ouse yard where many 〈…〉 of people 〈◊〉 heare the same Oration 〈◊〉 which number there sate M. Hobson which much ext●lling him that was then Pope of Rome comparing him to St. Peter for in degree he 〈◊〉 him above all the holy Fathers in time 〈◊〉 ●s Doctors Martirs Prophets yea 〈…〉 more then Prophets John Baptists then said he in what high place shall we place this go●● man what place I say to ●it for him or where shall he ●it M. Hobson hearing him speake so pro●●i●ely and sitting among the Audience start ●p and said if thou canst finde no other place set him here in my place for I am weary and so went his way 31. How Master Hobson won a wager in m●king a Knight to laugh THere was a Knight dwelling in London that for the death of his Wife would not be comforted nor of many dayes was once séene to smile upon a time the Chamberlaine to this Knight being in company with M. Hobson laid a Wager of 40. shillings with him that he should not make the Knight laugh by any meanes that he could doe whereupon the match was made and the money staked down for the winning of the same