Selected quad for the lemma: cause_n
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A07857
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The skilfull mountebanke. Or, Come, and I'le cure you It hath not so much power as patience, yet 'tis a playster for all sores. By Ioannes Baptista Guardano Lodovico puncto. A Frenchified Italian, and borne in Bucklersberry.
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Joannes Baptista Guardano Lodovico puncto.
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1638
(1638)
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STC 18229; ESTC S110069
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3,783
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16
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The Skilfull Mountebanke OR Come and I 'le cure you It hath not so much power as Patience yet 't is a Playster for all Sores By Ioannes Baptista Guardano Lodovico puncto A Frenchified Italian and borne in Backlersberry LONDON Printed by I.O. for Thomas Lambert and are to bee sold at his Shop neere the Hospitall gate in Smithfield at the Signe of the Horse-shooe 1638. The Names of the Cures 1. A Cure for Melancholy 2. A Cure for a maidens Timpany 3. A Cure for the Green Sicknesse 4. A Cure for the Falling Sicknesse in mans estate 5. A Cure for Cuckolds The Skilfull Mountebanke If any man be troubled with Melancholy let him take this following Medicine IF his Melancholy procéede by Love the passion is somewhat dangerous and difficult to cure the things that must bee compounded for the Remedy are hard to come by The Medicine TAke the Iuyce of thrée well mads and as well told Iests applying them to the Patients spléene that they may as it were tickle him if he begin to laugh there is some signe of Health let him bee then forthwith carryed to a warme Bed which must bee carefully made by a perfect Virgin of five and Thirty yéeres of Age but very beautifull and one whose Lip no man did ever touch since shee was five yeeres old When the aforesaid Bed is made let this aforesaid Virgin be caus'd to be put into it but let mee tell you one thing by the way you must leave them so 't is not a Rush matter for watching by him with a Rush-candle he will be well enough by Morning I le warrant if he can sweate upon 't But before hee rises you must provide this Cordiall for him The stones of a Goate the guts of Crabs the braines of Sparrowâ— Monkies marrow Pith of Oxen with the yelkes of five new layd Egges layd by an Henne of the Game all these compounded together if he may have the continuall company of his Virgin had fellow will in one halfe yeere drive his Melancholy quite from him if not he is not a man of this World Therefore wee 'le speake no more of him but proceede to the next discase If any Mayden bee sicke of a Timpany let her repaire to my Medicine which is here set downe IF this Virgin bee so sicke of Cupid that the Disease is come to a Timpany let her with all spéede possible remoove her selfe to some old Midwifes house for Forty Weekes where there is change of Ayre keeping a spare Dyet as shee travailes and alwayes after using lawfull exercises till shee be married Then if she have any more Wit than ever any of her Sexe had which is to keepe her owne Counsell shee is past all danger withall shee must have a great care that the Tympany which shee left behinde her come not in her Husbands sight least it breede a worse Disease And so much for a Lympany A Cure for the Greene-Sicknesse IF any Virgin have made so little use of her Time that she is punished with a disease call'd the Greene sâ—cknesse so that her colour beginnes to fade and her flesh is cover'd with a yellownesse let her take my counsell First of all let her forsake the former dyet she us'd which was to feede upon Sea coale Cyndars Ashes Chalke and Oate-meale loame wall and parch'd Pease Beanes and dry Bisket for unlesse these causes be taken away it is almost impossible that any Medicine should worke upon her then let her Father or Mother if she have any provide for her a man of courage full of mettall and very active let her parley with him a little if hee can take my counsell hée shall quickly convert her pale colour to Red and her Melancholy to laughter 't is not amisse if they can agrée together if the Banes of Matrimony be ask'd betwixt them shee 'le bee the fitter to receive her Cure and hee to play the Physitian but if the Maide bâ— very farre gone so that shee requires present helpe let the Banes alone â—â—ee'le goe a neerer way to worke A Licence may be had and 't is a 〈◊〉 walke to Pancridge if these Rules beâ— observed and if shee bee of a mild nature not froward cholericke and hastie but is contented to lye with him every Night without a Fée in Forty Weekes the Greene Sicknesse may bee converted to a chopping Boy or a bouncing Girle which will keepe her I le warrant her from ever having it againe So much for the Greene sicknesse If any mans Estate be troubled with the Falling Sicknesse let him hearken to mee WHen a man doth first begin to be sicke of this Disease there there be a couple more that doe attend upon his body which if they fasten will hardly bee got off and they are these The one is called a Serjeant the other a Yeoman two such dangerous Diseases that if hee be once but Encounter'd by them hee is like to lye by it This Falling Sicknesse in a mans estate is very hard to cure yet if it be let runne 't is tenne to one but that it comes to a worse Disease which is called a Rupture but in plaine English a Broke which is a Disease that if it have leave will have such power over him that all the wisest Glaziers in London shall scarre sodder him agen And to say Truth his hopes must bee that hee may have a faire winde for Ireland or else the Disease will perish him but if hee take my counsell it shall never come to this therefore marke my Advice if hee be a Shop-keeper let him keepe him to his Shop kéepe trusty Servants and true Prentises and let him avoyde the dangerous exercise of Ducking lest hee come home agen sing'd like a Fire Drake 't is a very ill signe of his thriving Let him deale with honest men and have a care his name be not to much us'd in other mens Bookes let his faire Tongue and his faire dealing bée ioyn'd together to invite good Customers and a figge for the Falling Sicknesse If any marryed man bee troubled with a a paine in the Fore-head let him looke out for I have a Medicine for him When a man is troubled with this Disease 't is a horrible signe that hee hath marryed a light Wife and that being the greatest cause of his Disease it must for ought I sée bée taken away from him before the Cure can bée perfected which I must confesse is somewhat hard to performe for they are grievances that will most commonly hang upon a man till they are even ready to hang themselves and that 's more than a point next the worst Therefore the best counsell I can give him is this let him eate drinke and be merry let him not shew himselfe sad and melancholly in company lest he give his Ieering enemies too much advantage o're him yet hee 's thus happy he shall be sure to be Ieer'd by none but the brethren of his owne company and then hee
may cry Cuckolds all arow and make them mad that first thought to make him so let him but make much of their wives and kisse their children the world wil rather thinke him a politick Whoremaster than a patient Cuckold the defamation of the one will controule the reproach of the other and whereas he was before pittied for a wrong'd man in this pittifull manner 'T was great pitty an honest carefull man should have so ill a wife They will say then Let him alone for I le warrant hee 'le give her as good as shee brings This is a report in this Age more pleasing to a man than the shamefull name of Cuckold and when two Combatants wound each other equally neither of them can boast the glory of the Battell This is the surest way for his Cure I thinke and the surest way to breake the heart of his wife for wee are to beleeve the first cause that made her so light heel'd was to bee reveng'd upon him for some petty quarrell betwixt them because he would not let her sée such a Puppit-play or some such petty businesse perhaps he would not make her a Gowne of such a new Stuffe as she defir'd but he breaking the necke of her revenge in this manner 't is very possible that shee may very shortly and her daies in Melancholy like a direct envious person destroying her selfe because she cannot kill another And if you think this Medicine wil procure Your ease you are welcome to the Cuckolds Curo But if these doe your patience wrong Hearke and I 'le cure you with a Song The Song ARe any Pooles that would be wise Are any falling that would rise Is any rich that would be poore I le purge his substance in an houre Is any bound that would be free I le do 't let him repaire to me I come to cure what ere you feele Within without from head to heele Are any of their strength beguil'd They cannot get their wives with childe If they be barren they shall see I le fit them with a remedy If once I take them in my hands They soon shal have more heirs then lands Then come to me what ere you feele Within without from head to heele If any Usurer would have A preservation ' gainst the grave Let him not yoke him to a Wife I le promise him a longer life But if he marry ten to one I le lay he can be cur'd by none Yet come I le cure what ere you feels Within without from head to heele If any Lady would be proud That with no vertues is endow'd I le puffe her with one praise or other Shall make her nicer than her Mother Such mighty power has my calling But not to keep◠her pride from falling Then come to me what ere you feele Within without from head to heele If any Landrosse be afraid That she shall lose the name of Maide Yet not be married let her be Rid of that feare and come to me I le run the hazzard of a curse She shall grow better or else worse Come then to me what ere you feele Within without from head to heele Hath any got a night disease So that he cannot sleepe for fleas Is any sorrowfull or sad Disguised Lunaticke or mad Does any cutpurse lye and linger In torment for an itching finger He shall be cur'd by my expressions If he avoyd the quarter Sessions Then come to me what ere you feele Within without from head to heele FINIS