reach mee my best Necklace presently PHA. Ah Lingua are you there AVD. Here take this Rope and I le helpe the leader close with the second Bell Fie fie there is a goodly peale cleane spoilde VIS. I le lay my life that Gentlewoman is painted well well I know it marke but her nose doe you not see the complection crack out I must confesse 't is a good picture TAC. Ha ha ha fie I pray you leaue you tickle me so oh ah ha ha take away your hands I cannot indure ah you tickle me ah ha ha ha ah VIS. Hai rett rett rett now bird now looke about that bush she trust her thereabout here she is ware wing Cater ware wing auaunt LING. Mum mum mum mum PHA. st sirra take heede you wake her not HEV I knowe sir shee is fast a sleepe for her mouth is shutte LING. This 't is to venture vpon such vncertainties to loose so rich a Crowne to no end well well PHA. Ha ha ha wee shall here auon where shee lost her maiden-head st boy my Lord Vicegerent and Maister Register are hard by runne quickly tell them of this accident wish them come softly Exit Heuresis LING. Mendatio neuer talke farther I doubt'tis past recouery and my Robe likewise I shall neuer haue them againe well well PHA. How her Crowne and her Roabe neuer recouer them hum wast not said to bee left by Memory ha I coniecture here 's some knauery-fast lockt with sleepe in good faith Was that Crowne and Garment yours Lâ—ngua LING. I marry were they and that some body hath felt and shall feele more if I liue PHA. O strange she answers in her sleepe to my question but how come the Senses to striue for it LING Why I laide vpon purpose in their way that they might fall together by the eares PHA. What a strange thing is this ACT. 5. SCENA 18. The Senses APPETITVS and LINGVA a sleepe PHANTASTES COMV SENSVS MEMORIA ANAMNESTES PHA st my Lord softly softly here 's the notablest peece of treason discouered how say you Lingu set all the Senses at ods she hath confest it to me in her sleepe COM SEN. I st possible Maister Register did you euer know any talke in their sleepe MEM. I remember my Lord many haue done so very oft but women are troubled especially with this talking disease many of them haue I heard answer in their dreames and tell what they did all day awake ANAM. By the same token there was a wanton maide that being askt by her Mother what such a one did with her so late one night in such a roome she presently said that MEM. Peace you vilde rake hell is such a iest fitte for this company no more I say sirra PHA. My Lord will you belieue your owne eares you shall heare her answere me as directly and truely as my be Lingua what did you with the Crowne and garments LING. I le tell thee Mendacâ—â— PHA. Shee thinkes Mendacio speakes to her marke nowe marke howe truely shee will answere what say you Madame LING. I say Phantastes is a foolish transparent gull a meere fanatick nupson in my immagination not worthie to â—it as a Iudges assistant COM. SEN. Ha ha ha howe truely and directly shee answeres PHA. Faw faw she dreames now she knowes not what shee saies I trie her once againe Madame what remedie can you haue for your greate losses LING. O are you come Acrasia welcome welcome boy reach a Cushion sit downe good 〈◊〉 I am so beholding to you your potion wrought exceedinglie the senses were so mad did not you see how they raged about the woods COM. SEN. Hum Acraâ—â—â— is Acrasia her confederate my life that witch hath wrought some villany Linguariseth in her sleepe and waâ—keth how 's this is shee a sleepe haue you seene one walke thus before MEM. It is a very common thinge I haue seene many sicke of the Peripatetick disease ANA. By the same token my Lord I knewe one that went abroad in his sleepe bent his bowe shot at a Magpie kild her fetcht his arrowe came home lockt the doores and went to bed againe COM. SEN. What should be the reason of it MEM. I remember 〈◊〉 told mee the reason once as I thinke thus The nerues that carrie the mouing faculty from the braines to the thighes legges feete and armes are wider farre then the other nerues wherâ—ore they are not so easily stopt with the vapours of sleepe but are night and daie ready to performe what fancy shall command them COM. SEN. It may bee so but Phantastes enquire more of Acrasia PHA. What did you with the potion Acrasia made you LIN. Gaue it to the Senses and made them as madde as well If I cannot recouer it let it goe I le not leaue them thus She lies downe againe COM. SEN. Boy a wake the Senses there AN. Hoe hoe Auditus vp vp so hoe Olfactus haue at your nose vp Visus Gustus Tactus vp What can you not feele a pinch haue at you with a pinne TAC. Oh you stab me oh COM SEN. Tactus know you how you came hither TAC. No my Lord not I this I remember We sup't with Gustus and had wine good store Where of I thinke I tasted liberally Amongst the rest wee drunke a composition Of a most dellicate and pleasant rellish That made our braynes somewhat irregular ACT. 5 SCEN. 19. The Senses awake LINGVA asleepe COMMVNIS SINSVS MEMORY PHANTASTES ANAMNESTES HEVRESIS â—rawing CRAPVLA HEV My Lord here 's a fat rascall was lurking in a bushe very suspitiously his name he sayes is Crapula COM. SEN. Sirrah speake quickly what you knowe of these troubles CRA Nothing my Lord but that the Senses were madde and that Somnus at my request layd them asleepe in hope to recouer them COM. SE. Why then t is too euident Acrasia at Lingua's request bewitcht the Senses wake her quickly Heuresis LIN. Heigh ho out alas aye mee where am I how came I here where am I ah COM. SEN. Liâ—gua looke not so strangely vpon the matter you haue confest in your sleepe that with a Crowne and a Roabe you haue disturb'd tâ—e Senses vsing a crafty helpe to enrage them can you deny it LIN. Aye mee most miserable wretch I beseech your Lordship forgiue me COM SEN No no t is a fault vnpardonable He consults with Memory PHAN. In my conceipt Lingua you should seale vp your lippes when you go to bed these Feminine tongues be so glibbe COM. SEN. Visus Tactus and the rest our former sentence concerning you wee confirme as irreuocable and establish the Crowne to you Visus and the Roabe to you Tactus but as for you Lingua LIN. Let mee haue mine owne howsoeuer you determine I beseech you COM. SEN. That may not bee your goods are fallen into our hands my sentence cannot bee recall'd you may see those that seeke what is not theirs oftentimes loose what 's their owne Therefore Lingua graunting you your life I commit you to close prison in Gustus his house and charge you Gustus to keepe her vnder the custody of two strong doores and euery day till she come to 80. yeares of age see she be well garded with 30. tall watchmen without whose licence shee shall by no meanes wagge abroad neuerthelesse vse her Lady-like according to her estate PHAN. I pray you my Lord adde this to the iudgement that whensoeuer she obtayneth licence to walke abroad in token the Tongue was the cause of her offence let her weare a veluet hood made iust in the fashion of a great Tongue in my conceit 't is a verye pritty Embleme of a Woman TAC. My Lord shee hath a vild boy to her page a cheefe agent in this treason his name 's Mendatio COM. SEN. Ha well I will inflict this punishment on him for this time let him be soundly whipt and euer after though he shall strengthen his speeches with the sinewes of Truth yet none shall beleeue him PHA. In my imagination my Lord the Day is dead to the great toe and in my conceit it growes darke by which I coniecture it will be cold and therefore in my faâ—cie and opinion 't is best to repaire to our lodgings Exeunt omnes praeter Anamnestes Appetitus ACTVS 5. SCENA 20. ANAMNESTES APPETITVS a sleepe in a corner ANA. What 's this a fellow whispering so closely with the Earth so ho so ho Appetitus faith now I thinke Morpheus himselfe hath beene here vp with a poxe to you vp you luske I haue such newes to tell thee sirta all the Senses are well and Lingua is proued guilty vp vp vp I neuer knew him so fast a sleepe in my life Appetitus snorts Nay then haue at you a fresh tiff toff tiff toff APP. Iogge me once againe and I le throw this whole messe of pottage in your face cannot one stand quiet at the dresser for you ANA. Ha ha ha I thinke it 's impossible for him to sleepe longer then hee dreames of his victuals What Appetitus vp quickly quickly vp Appetitus quickly sirra toff toff toff toff APP. I le come presently but I hope you le stay till they bee roasted will you eate them rawe ANA. Rosted ha ha ha ha vp vp vp away APP. Reach the sauce quickly here 's no Sugar whaw wam oh ou oh ANA. What neuer wake Tiffe toff tiff toff wilt neuer be Then I must trie another way I see Epilogus IVdicious friends it is so late at night I cannot waken hungrie Appetite Then since the cloase vpon his rising stands Let me obtaine this at your courteous hands Trie if the friendly opportunitie Of your good will and graâ—ious Plauditie With the thrice welcome mumure it shall keepe Can begge this prisoner from the bands of sleepe Vpon the Plaudite APPETITVS awakes and runnes in after ANAMNESTES FINIS
LINGVA Or The Combat of the Tongue And the fiue Senses For Superiority A pleasant Comoedie AT LONDON Printed by G. ELD for Simon Waterson 1607. LINGVA DRAMMATIS Personae LINGVA COMOEDVS AVDITVS TRAGAEDVS MENDACIO LINGVA his Page TACTVS ODOR OLFACT VS TOBACCO VISVS LVMEN COELVM TERRA HERAVLDRY COLOR GVSTVS BACCHVS CERES BEERE APETITVS a Parafite PHANTASTES HEVRESIS PHANTASâ—TES his Page CRAPVLA GVSTVS his follower COMMVNIS SENSVS MEMORIA ANAMNESTES MEMORIE his Page SOMNVS Personae quarum mentio tantum fit PSENCE ARCASIA VERITAS OBLIVIO The Scene is MICROCOSMVS in a Groue The Time from morning till night Prologue OVr Muse describes no Louers passion No wretched Father no vnthriftie Sonne No crauing subtile Whore or shamlesse Bawde Nor stubborne Clowne or daring Parasite No lying Seruant or bold Sycophant We are not wanton or Satyricall These haue their time and places fit but we Sad houres and serious studies to repriue Haue taught seuere Phylosophy to smile The Senses rash contentions we compose And giue displeas'd ambitious TONGVE her due Here 's all Iudicious friends accept what is not ill Who are not such let them do what they will Actus 1. Scena 1. LINGVA apparrelled in a Crimson Satten gowne a Dressing of white Roses a little Skeane tyed in a purple Skarfe a paire of red Buskins drawne with white Ribband silke garters gloues c. AVDITVS in a Garland of Bayes intermingled with red white Roses vpon a false hayre a cloath of Siluer Mantle vpon a paire of Sattin Bases wrought sleeues Buskins Gloues c. LINGVA AVDITVS LING. NAy good Auditus doe but heare me speake AVD. Lingua thou strik'st too much vpon one string Thy tedious plaine-song grates my tender eares LING. 'T is plaine indeed for Truth no descant needs Vna's her name she cannot be diuided AVD. O but the ground it selfe is nought from whence Thou canst not relish out a good diuision Therefore at length sur-cease prooue not starke madde Hopelesse to prosecute a haplesse sute For though perchance thy first straines pleasing are I dare ingage mine eares the cloze will iarre LING. If then your confidence esteem my cause To be so friuolous and weakely wrought Why do you dayly subtile plots deuise To stop me from the eares of common Sense Whom since our great Queene 〈◊〉 hath ordain'd For his souod wisdome our Vice-gouernour To him and to his two so wise assistants Nimble Phantastes and firme Memorâ—e My selfe and cause I humbly do commit Let them but heare and â—udge I wish no more AVD. Should they but know thy rash presumption They would correct it in the sharpest sort Good low what Sense hast thou to be a Sense Since from the first foundation of the world We neuer were accounted more then fiue Yet you forsooth an idle prating Dame Would faine increase the number and vp-start To our high seates decking your babling selfe With vsurpt titles of our dignitie LING. An idle pâ—ating dame know fond Auditus Records affirme my title full as good As his amongst the siue is counted best AVD. Lingua confesse the truth th' art wont to lie LING. I say so too therefore I do not lye But now spite of you all I speake the truth You fiue among vs subiects tyrannize Making the sacred name of common sense A cloake to couer your enormities Hee beares the rule hee 's iudge but iudgeth still As hee 's informed by your false euidence So that a plaintife cannot haue accesse But through your gates hee heares but what nought els But that thy crafty eares to him conuaies And all hee sees is by proud Visus shewed him And what hee touches is by Tactus hand And smells I know but through Olfactus nose Gustus beginns to him what ere he tastes By these quaint tricks free passage hath beene bard That I could neuer equally bee heard But well t is well AVD. Lingua thy feeble sexe Hath hither-to with-held my ready hands That longd to plucke that nimble instrument LING. O horrible ingratitude that thou That thou of all the rest shouldst threaten me Who by my meanes conceiust as many tongues As Neptune closeth lands betwixt his armes The ancient Hebrewe clad with misteries The learned Greeke rich in fit Epithites Blest in the louely marriage of pure words The Caldy wise the Arabian Physicall The Romaine Eloquent and Tuscane graue The Brauing Spanish and the smooth-tongd French These pretious Iewells that adorne thine eares All from my mouthes rich Cabbinet are stolne How ost hast thou beene chaind vnto my tongue Hang'd at my lips and rauisht with my words So that a speech faire fetherd could not flie But thy eaâ—es pit-fall caught it instantly But now O Heauens AVD. O heauens thou wrongst me much Thou wrongst me much thus falsely to vpbraide me Had not I gâ—anted thee the vse of hearing That sharpe edg'd tounge whetted against her maister Those pussing lungs those teeth those dropsie lippes That scalâ—ing throate those nosthrilâ—s full of ire Thy pallate proper instruments of speech Like to the winged chanters of the wood Vttring nought els but idle siflements Tunes without sense words inarticulate Had neere beene able to ' haue abus'd me thus Words are thy Children but of my begetting LING. Perfidious Liar how can I enduâ—e thee Cal'st my vnspotted chastity in Question O could I vse tâ—e Bâ—eath mine anger spends Iâ—de make thee knowe AVD. Heauens looke on my distresse Desend me from this rayling viperesle For if I stay her words sharpe vinigar Will feet me through Lingua I must be gone I heare one cal me more then earnestly Exit Auditus LING. Nay the loud cannoning of thunder-boults Screeking of Wolues houling of tortur'd Ghosâ—s Pursue thee still and fill thy amazed eaâ—es With cold astonishment and horrid feares O how these senses mufftle common sense And 〈◊〉 and more with pleasing obiects striue To dull his iudgement and preuert his will To their be-hests who were he not so wrapt I' the dusâ—kie cloudes of their darke pollicies VVould neuer suffer right to suffer wronge Fie Lingua wilt thou now degenerate Art not a woman doost not loue reuenge Delightfull speeches sweet perswasions I haue this long time vsd to get my right My right that is to make the Senses sixe And haue both name and power with the rest Oft haue I seasoned sauorie periods With sugred words to delude Gustus taste And oft embelisht my entreatiue phrase With smelling flowres of vernant Rhetorique Limming and flashing it with various Dyes To draw proud Visus to me by the eyes And oft perfum'd my petitory stile With Ciuet-speach t' entrap Olfactus Nose And clad my selâ—e in Silken Eloquence To allure the nicer touch of Tactus hand But all 's become lost labour and my cause Is still procrastinated therefore now Hence yee base off-spring of a broken minde Supple intreaties and smooth flatteries Go kisse the loue-â—ick lippes of puling Guls That still their Braine to quench their loues disdaine Go guild the tongues of Bawdes
MEN. Who Obliuio AN. I for our Courtiers hug him coÌ„tinually in their vngrate-ful bosomes your smoth-belly fat backe barrel-pauncht tuÌ„-gutted drones are euer without him as for Memory he 's a false hearted fellow he alwaies deceiues thâ—Ì„ they respect not him except it be to play a game at Chests Primero Saunt Maw or such like MEN. I cannot thinke such fellowes haue to do with Obliuio since they neuer got any thing to forget AN. Againe there prodig all swagerers that are so much bouÌ„d to their Creditors if they haue but one Crosse about them they 'le spend it in Wine vpon Obliuiâ— MEN. To what purpose I prethee AN. Onely in hope hee le wash them in the Lethe of their cares MEN. Why then no man cares forthee ANA. Yes a company of studious Paper-wormes and leane Schollers and niggardly scraping Vsurers a troupe of heart-eating enuious persons and those cancker-stomackt spitefull creatures that furnish vp common place-bookes with other mens faultsâ— The time hath beene in those golden dayes when Saturne reigned that if a man receiu'd a benefit of another I was presently sent for to put him in minde of it but now in these Iron after-noones saue your friends life and Obliuio Will be more familiar with him then you ACTVS 3. SCENA 3. HEVRESIS MEND ANAMNESTES HEVR. Phantastes not at Court i st possible 't is the strangest accident that euer was heard oft I had thought the Ladies and Gallants would neuer lye without him AN. Hist hist Mendaicio I prethee obserue Heuresis it seemes he cannot finde his Maister that 's able to finde out all things and art thou now at a fault canst not finde out thine owne maister nor I le trie one more way O yes MEN. What a Proclamation for him ANA. I I his nimble head is alwayes full of proclamations HEV O yes MEN. But doth he crie him in the wood ANAM. O good sir and good reason for euery beast hath Phantasie at his pleasure HEV O yesâ— if any man can tell any tidings of a spruce neate apish nimle finbe foolish absurd humerous conceited Phantastique Gallant with hollow eyes sharpe looke swart complexion â—eâ—ger face wearing as many toyes in his apparrell as fooleries in his lookes and gesture let him come â—orth certifie me thereof and shall haue for his reward ANAM. I can tell you where he is what shall he haue HEVR. A box o' the eare sura snappe ANAM. How now Inuention are you so quick fingred ifaith ther 's your principall sirra snappe and here 's the interest ready in my hand snappe They fail together by the cares Yea haue you found out scratching now I remember me HEVR. Do you bite you Rascall MERD Ha ha ha ha ha here 's the liuely picture of this axiome A quick Inuention and a good Memory can neuer agree Fie fie fie Heuresis beate him when hee 's downe ANAM. Prethee le ts alone proud Iack-an-Apes I le HEVR. What will you do ANAM. Vntrusse thy points and whip thee thou paltry Let me go Mendacio if thou lou'st me shall I put vp the MEN. Come come come you shall fight no more in good faith Heuresis your Maister will catch you anon HEVR. My Maister where is he MEN. I le bring you to him come away HEVR. Anamnestes I scorne that thou shouldst thinke I go away for feare of any thing thou canst do vnto me here 's my hand assoone as thou canst pick the least occasion put vp thy finger I am for thee Exit Mendacio and Heuresis AN. When thou dar'st Heuresis when thou dar'st I le be as ready as thy selfe at any time This Heuresis this Inuention is the proudest Iack-a-napes the peartest selfe conceited Boy that eueâ— breath'd because forsooth some odde Poet or some such Phantastique fellowes make much on him there 's no ho with him the vile dandi-praâ—te will ore-looke the proudest of his acquaintance but well I remember me I learnt a trick t'other day to bring a Boy ore the thigh finely if he come ifaith I le tickle him with it Mendacio comes running back in great hast MEN. As I am a Rascall Nam they are all comming I see Maister Register trudging hether as fast as his three feeâ—e will carry vp his foure Ages Exit Mendacio ACTVS 3. SCENA 4. MEMORIA ANAMNESTES MEM. Ah you leâ—den heeld Rascall ANA. Heâ—e 't is Sir I haue it I haue it MEM. Is this all the hast you make AN. Aâ—â—t like your worship your Clog-head Obliuio went before me and foil'd the traile of your foote-steps that I could hardly vndertake the quest of your purse forsooth MEM. You might haue beeâ—e here long ere this Come hither sirra come â—ither what must you go round about goodly goodly you are so full of circumstances AN. In tâ—uth Sir I was here before and missing you went back into the Citty sought you in euery Ale-house Inne Taueâ—ne Dicing-house Tennis-court Stewes and such like places likely to find your worship in MEM. Havillaine am I a man likely to be found in such places ha ANA. No no sir sir but I was told by my Lady Lingua's page that your Worship was seeking me therefore I inquired for you in those places where I knew you would aske for me and it please your worship MEM. I remember an other quarrell sirra but well well I haue no leisure ACT. 3. SCENA 5. COM. SENS. LINGVA PHANTASTES MEMORY ANAMNESTES COM. S. Linâ—ua the Senses by our appointment anon are to present their obiects before vs seeing therefore they be not in readinesse we liceâ—se you in the meane while either in your owne person or by your Aduocate to speake what you can for your selfe LIN. My Lord if I should bring before your honour all my friends ready to importune you in my behalfe I should haue so many Retoricians Logitians Lawyers and which is more so many Women to attend mee that this Groaâ—e would hardly conteine the Company wheâ—eâ—oâ—e to auoide the tediousnesse I willay the whole cause vppon the tippe of mine owne tongue COM. SEN. Be as briefe as the necessity of our short time requires LING. My Lord though the Imbâ—â—ill tas of my feâ—ble sexe might dâ—awe mee backe â—rom tâ—is Tâ—â—bunall with the habenis to wit Timorss and the Catenis Pudoriâ— notwithstanding beeing so fairely led on with the gratious 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 of your iustissimae 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Especially so aspremente spurd ' con gli sproni di necessâ—â—a mia pungente I will without the helpe of Orators commit the totâ—m salâ—tem of my action to the Volutabilitati 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 which aucc vosâ—râ— bonnâ— playscur I will finish with more then Laconicâ— breâ—itate CO. SE. What 's this here 's a Gallemaufry of speech indeed MEM. I remember about the yeare 1602. many vsed this skew kind of language Which in my opinion is not much vnlike the man Plaâ—â—ny the Sonne of Lagus King of Aegypt brought for a