this time of day go by the Elsabeth name of Anti-Christ He is a Man-Midwife and hath been for some years an Apprentice to Mother Celliers yet affects a singularity in the Mysterie he would deliver the Monster with the heels foremost all Systems in Theologie he dislikes as savouring of Wittemberg and the Lake Lemaune excepting this one concise and pithy one of his own compiling which as being a lover of the art of climbing he hath made in a Climax or Ladder fashion thus No Christnings no Salvation no Salvation no Grace no Grace no Bishops no Bishop no Salvation whence as clear as day light Damnation to all Geneva men His Church is much to large for a British-head for of late it reaches from the Isles of Orcades to the Grand Seigniors Seraglio and better fits the tearm of Fifth Monarchy Monsieur then of a Protestant English Prince He hath taken an Oath that his most Sacred Majesty whom God for ever preserve from him and all false Traitors is in all causes and over all persons in these his Dominions supream Head and Governour and yet would perfidiously advance into his place a Juncto of Forreign Mitre-men wherein the very Pope if he 'll but for once disclaim Arbitrary power and give his word to be Civil may preside in pontificalibus In a word he is a servile Parasite a proud Hector the Cats foot to the Jesuit an underminer of Civil power a Monopolizer of base Spirits a Disbeliever of Popish Plots turns Faith into Pollicie Religion into Intreague and Devotion into Hypocrasie Banters Heaven abuses the World and betrays his Country Pluto Belfagor thou art a Rogue I never laughed so heartily before specious pretences and Bantring of Heaven with a Rope to ' em Well the next Belfagor Why Sir the next for the sake of dearly beloved Brotherhood have so wrapt themselves up in one another that I cannot read them distinctly Pluto Why then let 's have them as they are Belfagor The Character of the Observator and Heraeclitus Ridens The one is a meer Fidler in Dialogues the other plays the Treble to his Base They skin and skarifie the Act of Oblivion and teize about Forty One till they loose it to get Twenty shillings a week After all their deep Contemplations and delving in the Rubbish of the late times the Observator keeps a great bustle in the world to prove there is as much pleasure in borrowing discourse as in stealing the affections of a young Lady against the consent of her Parents He is one that tugs at the Labour Oare of Mischief to turn the head of Conscience with his Tide He and Heraclitus are the men for whose sake Colledge may be in some measure pittied for lying under the lash and sweet revenge of their Nonsensical and inhumane Triumphs The Observator is one that Strange le thirsts and panteth after Adoration in Coffee-houses and is the very Adonis of Sam 's in Ludgate-street where because he takes no Tobacco he talks nothing but smoak He and Heraclitus have reason to shake hands in regard their Tails are so close tyed together like Samsons Foxes to fire the Nation Neither Truth Honesty Reason nor right Maxim of State do they consider nor how to temper the various mixtures in the variety of Opinions suffering themselves to be carried away with the stream of present Transactions and forgetting the rules of that profession to which they both aspire that there is Harmony in Discord which since it cannot be avoided is to be well and artificially bound and sweetned not exasperated It may be questioned whether the Observator and Heraclitus may not more truly be said to be the Iack-puddings of the Nation that play the Fool during the Fair-time for the private advantage of them that set 'em at work or the Ignes Fatui that endeavour to lead the people astray with their false lights appearances of Reason only and the evening-flashes and dazlings of unpondred truth They are the common Receptacles of Contribution Drollery Were every Mans Name to his Conceit their Pamphlets would look like the Roll of Benefactors in Pauls the true experiment of the Proverb Tot homines quot sententiae It may be thought that like Castor and Pollux they were hatch'd out of a Leda's Egg while they make such havock of Goosequils and act the parts of officious Ganders over the rest of the vulgar flock though it is not to be imagined that the Capitol of the Common-weale should ever be saved by their clamorous impertinences yet they may be said to be like Mongrels that bark at Sowgelders They are afraid of something by a sympathetick Compunction yet know not what to call it Tory and Whigg are the ground-work upon which they lay the Purle and Embroidery of their fictitious contrivances With these implements and other sheepmarks of distinction they endeavour to raise a Civil War in every private Familie to break and dissolve the harmless bonds of honest Society and Conversation and Guelph and Ghibelline the Nation into confusion Sometimes they are so confident as to name particular persons and barbarously let loose the detested custom of the Vetus Comoedia so long ago exploded by the Civil Greeks to worry the Reputation of those that will not feed their humours The Jesuit is now got a t'other side and frisks it in his wanton conceits like a fat Heifer in a rich pasture and chuckles again to see those that confounded his Real presence and other shams of his prophane Idolatrie now reviling and tongue-persecuting those that hope for the joys of Eternity by a better Sacrament 'T is true they are very merrie but still they play like Melancholly Gamesters the right hand against the left so that 't is no wonder they should win all they throw at Only sometimes they get a Rub from Ludgate-hill and then they crie Hoop here 's work for another week But as one passionate word in scoulding draws on another and the feud will never abate while the heat and Fury of the animosities is continued therefore it were to be wished that care might be taken for the suppression of all those Goosequil Pickerers They are base and inconsiderate more swayed by Pence Gâ—inies and Irish Consciences than by true Loyaltie or Reason They make no distinction between Dissenters out of Faction and Dissenters out of pure and Immaculate Consciences but run tempestuously upon a most undoubted Body of the Protestant Religion without exception Masqueraded Champions and it seems well paid for their Tilting They consider not that though Reflexions upon Sovereign Princes are abominable yet the sober and temperate discourse of Libertie was always allowed Besides they can never be said to write well who are not able to justifie themselves to all the Inquisitions of the Government wherein they live therefore neither the Observator nor Heraâ—litus can be said to write well because the very noise of a Parliament terrifies them more than the ratling of Thunder did
Governour understands trap thou knowst 't is our way to have our Tempâ—a ions ready for a brisk opportunity But if he don't being himself into play both his Sons and his Daughters too will be soon forgot For the Sons of such pâ—rsons â—ou know like the Sons of Parsons seldome come to good and their Daughters are as little regarded after their Fathers are laid aside and are consequently dead either in their authority or decâ—ased to us Belfagor Oh Sir he has been endeavouring to glister in the world again And to that purpose believing a Privy-Councellors place might have been bought offered some of his Popish-landers Gold for the Imployment but the impudent and impolitick offer rendred him so despicable and unfit for so high a dignity among Mortals that they say â—he bit off both his Thumb-nails for madness that he had committed such an Errour Pluto And well he might he a Privy-Councellor by Styx that Prince would be well served that makes use of him he a Privy-Councellor he a Wine-Porter Belfagor Oh Sir but this is not all I was informed by my Brother Ramballat who was either your Agent that conducted the person that carried the Cordial Mass or else Tempter-General to the Governour in your behalf who was present at a discourse that hapned between a certain Mâ—â—sieur Monsâ—â—ur Franâ—â—is who was Agent in Plotters Island for the Soveraign of Francia and the Popish-landers It was in the Summer-time when the declâ—â—ing Sun had spread the â—erth with the long shades of several tall Elms that were guarded from the brousing Cattle with sâ—ndry sweet-smelling brakes Then I say it was when Monsiâ—ur Frâ—nâ—â—is and the Governour of the Fortrâ—ss of Iuâ—ticia wearied with Travail or else to recâ—â—ate their tired cogitations had lain themselves down undiscovered from each other when on a suddain Monsieur François disburthâ—ning his mind to himself uttered these words By my Arbitrary power Iâ—â—e make him Absolute ere I return Arbitrary Absolute quoth the Governour why that 's the thing I have been driving at and presently spying Monsieur Franâ—â—is made up to him and with his broad-brimm'd Hat and bended brows accosted him Who art thou quoth Monsieur Franâ—ois Why I am that late famous Knight the Governour of the Fortress of Iusticia To which Monsieur Francois replyed O ho Bon jour bon jour Monsieur le Governur Pray speak English Sir quoth the Governour for I have burnt my Tongue already with learning to speak French Thereupon my Brother Ramballat was chosen to be Interpreter between them so they began and went on as follows Monsieur Francois Why man what 's the matter are all things turn'd topsie turvie Governour So it seems Monsieur But did not you talk of Arbitrary and Absolute just now Monsieur Yes I did and what then Governour Why because I was an Aslertor of the disquieted Title to Plotters Island which the Whigglanders call'd Crime and an Endeavouring to set up Arbitrary and Absolute Power Monsieur En bien was that all your crime that may be mine too for ought I know for such is my business and I am not to stir until it be effectually done But I have the Cash the Cash man and that alone will do the work at long run Governour Cash what Money Monsieur Yes Money the very Life and Nerves of Intrigue and Design the very weapon by which my Master hath made all those great Conquests which he now enjoys and by which if he lives but a few years longer he 'll subdue the whole World Governour How unhappy have I been that could not be sooner accquainted with you perhaps I might have been serviceable and I 'm sure his Coyn would have been acceptable enough to me Monsieur No matter 't is not too late yet though you are out of Power yet your advice may be serviceable and iâ— you 'll come in for your share at that I 'll take care to procure you a Pension Governour Agreed Monsieur Francois with all my heart and bring my Son in too for of Idleness comes nothing 't is the moving hand gets the pence Monsieur Your Son I know him he 's a thick-sâ—ul'd hot-headed sottish Clown that can do us little good unless it be to go now and then to Coffee-houses and Huff Swear Ram and Dam against the Whigglanders and that will scarce do neither for they are grave sober serious warie Sophisters that must be handled gently by men of Parts learned affable and obliging not by the heats and feuds of Ninnies and Fools Governour However you see my good-will to your Cause But what sort of employment must mine be and what my Pension Monsieur Your employment must be at all and your Pension according as you deserve Governour By my troth this is very hard though 't was once in my power to have made my own tearms but now it seems I must be forc'd to come in upon yours Monsieur Ay and a good shift too But in short I 'll tell you the design provided you will be sworn to secrecy and then you will be able to guess whether or no you can do us any service Governour 'T is agreed I am sworn now go on Mâ—nsieur Why I suppose you have heard of my Masters pretentions to the Dukedome of Burgundy Luxemburg c. All which is as good as his own alâ—eady you cannot but have heard likewise that he hath broke the Nimmeghen League by the taking of Strasburgh why now he â—esolves to fall upon Flanders which he hath reason to think himself pretty secure of For though we have been seemingly asleep under a Notion of Peace yet our powerful Coyn hath been moving in all parts of the World but particularly in Flanders where we have made so many of the Spanish Officers our own that whenever my Master pleases to draw his Sword Governour Draw his Sword why must there be fighting again Mâ—nsieur Yes a little for the colour of the thing Governour Your Master is the devil of a man he Conquers more in the times of Peace than all the European Princes besides can do by the greatest face of War they are able to make Monsieur And therefore he is so much the more to be commended Governour No pardon me for that Sir pray where are the brave and Heroe-like Feats of War I find nothing but what 's done by â—â—eachery and Princes gul'd out of their Countries under the Notion of Peace which sort of Actions among Princes and Kings are of all others most base and mean Monsieur But if you prate at this rate Monsieur le Governour â—are well for I cannot endure Governour Nay hold Sir if you will not hear what I can say against as well as for the Interest of your Master how can you think that I shall understand my business or ever be able to serve him Monsieur That 's true Governour Then pray go on but you must give me leave to interrupt you sometimes Monsieur Why when
undertake he shall tell you Your Masters Affairs stand but in a bad posture and nothing less than his total Ruine can follow if England be prevailed with to ally Monsieur Pish why that can never be done Governour No truely I fear it very much for I 'm sure if they do but consult Policy and their common Safeâ—y it must bring 'em in more especially at such a time as this is when the greatness of your Master threatens all the World with nothing but Vassalage and Destruction Monsieur Policy Why pray when do you find English-men consulting of Politicks till it be upon the matter too late or some great trouble or misfortune threaten them But besides if they should enter upon such Consults perhaps it 's now too late for D. de P. hath so much gain'd the ascendaâ—r that if he please there 's but few thingâ— can miss his party Governour That 's in the North onely but take my word for 't the Whiglanders are too numerous and stubborn to be swayed by his interest which runs so counter to their being Monsieur However his interest in the North joyn'd to that which is here and the Irish joyn'd to both those will do the Trick still if well manag'd Governour Why I hope you don't intend all this during the Kings Life Monsieur Yes but I do though if my Master should have occasion to invade England as he had to take in Strasburg But if not D. de P. does the thing himself of course if he survive And as for your Observation just now that my Master hath two Millions of Hugonots in the heart of his Country I object against that as not true for above the half of 'em are run away into other Countries to shun the Persecution as they term it And as for those which remain behind my Master is taking care they shall do him no hurt But when I have said all this and much more how do you know but D. de P. has as great a number of Dark-lanthorn Roman Catholicks here in the hearts of these Kingdoms Governour Truly all I can say if it be so is bad enough for according to that account whenever your Master pleases to invade us the Whiglanders and Torylanders too may have their Throats very decently cut by their own Countrymen But you were saying more than half the Hugonots were ran away and as for the rest your Master intends to take care they shall do him no hurt pray what does he intend to do with ' em Monsieur Burn 'em cut their Throats by way of Massacre as they call it it 's all for the good of the Catholick cause man Governour Oh Sir 't is a bad cause which must be served by inuâ—dations of Blood and your Master must be a Devil incarnate that can endure to wallow in the Blood of so many innocent Subjects For my part â— cannot understand any reasonable excuse that can be made for him or why so many hundred thousands of Souls should be made a Sacrifice to his insatiate Tyranny Monsieur You 'l never leave Monsieur le Governour till you spoil all you are very much mistaken 't is sore against the will and Conscience of my Master that such cruel Edicts should be publisht against the Hugonots but Governour How sore against his Conscience that 's still worse why does he know it to be so and yet persist pray who pâ—ts him upon it then Monsâ—eur Why the Jesuits to be reveng'd for the persecution which hath been here against the Roman Catholicks Governour Say ye so Blood Revenge by the Jesuits and does their Religion teach 'em that Monsieur Now you come with your Querks and Queries again why you know it does as well as I do and that the thing which they call Religion is a constitution Politick only of their own which desires and delights in having the ascendant over and influencing all the Kings and Princes in the world Governour Why our Saviour Christ taught no such Doctrine and yet they pretend to be his Followers and assume the Name of Iesus but do they influence your Master Monsieur Yes and he moves now and hath done so ever since the death of Mazarine that is only by the wheel of their Politicks They are and have been a considerable time perswading of my Master to quarrel with the Pope Governour What will they get by that Monsieur Why they have had a great itching at the Chair ever Ignatius Loyola's time and because they cannot come to it regularly they hope to prevail with my Master to set up a Patriarcâ—ate in his own Countrey and to choose the Patriarch out of their Society but he sees into the bottom of this design and will take better measures than to give them the upper hand of him as they will be sure to have should he comply with 'em in that Affair Governour How why is this the design this clearly alters the Popes Ecclesiastical Government and sets up a new Model These mens Politicks will not only destroy both your Master and themselves but all that have to do with ' em For according to their Morals no Prince in the world can ever be safe that corresponds with ' em Monsieur No no now you 're as much out again the tother ways pray let us hold to our business Governour Then pray satisfie me in this point if England should break the Leagne with your Master and Ally with Holland c. Monsieur I 'le tell ye we have a reserve for that for if we find England that way inclin'd we have those which will uâ—dertake upon forfeiture of their Heads to throw a bone between them and soon set them together by the ears Governour How what that way too that would be fine work indeed and i'â—â— Conscience feazable enough Monsieur 'T is very certain 't will be done if we find our League with England strain'd and I 'le ingage they shall be continued so too till my Masters work 's done Governour How will you engage for the continuance of a War how can that be Monsieur Why there 's a certain Bannocklander who is said to have engag'd himself in the most sacred ties imaginable to serve my Master and we are well assured of his care about Officers and State-Ministers so that in a short time Governor In a short time the Turk and your Master will subdue the whole world and divide it between ' emselves Monsieur No no that 's your mistake again Governour How then Monsieur Why my Master will have all or none for though he may be constrained to use the Turk yet you may be sure he 'll give him Polyphemus's Law devour him last for he hates Competâ—tors Governour But allowing a War between England and Holland aâ—d all your Masters designs to take effect upon that so as to give him the Conquest upon both pray what must D. de P. be Monsieur My Masters Vice-Roy Governour Where Monsieur Here in these Kingdoms Governour And is that all he makes this bustle for for my part I cannot understand his politicks for methinks it should be much better to be King though of a limited Monarchy then to be Vice-Roy to a King Absolute Arbitrary Monsieur That 's true but D. de P. has so over-acted his part that he cannot arrive at neither without my Masters help Governour So that now it seems he must be contented with what your Master will give him Monsieur Give him no no 't is supposed to be his own choice as having declar'd He would rather become a Vice-Roy to a Forreign power though the greatest Tyrant on Earth than truckle to such who ought to be his Slaves and Vassals Governour My thinks 't is impossible he should speak such words Monsieur 'T is so reported by those that pretend to know much Governour Then I have been doing fine things indeed who have â—ctâ—d as for my own life to advance his Interest which as you say now proves to be your Masters Monsieur Ay but 't is now too late to be sorry for that Governour Is it so well then over boots over shooes I 'le rather choose to die honourably than live basely Monsieur Why that 's well resolved 't is Meritorious and you dye in the Service of the Church Governour Then 't is a bargain but you told me I should have an account of your Masters principal friend Monsieur You shall know those in due time I have better considered of that and therefore desire to be excused till our next Meeting Adieu Monsieur le Governour Adieu FINIS