which will and desire each studieth the others good as earnestly and affectionately as his own yea and so far oft-times than he preferreth the outward good of his friend before his own And that such friendship hath been found they tell us of Pylades and Orestes Damon and Pythias Theseus and Pirithous who took upon them to be the persons of their friends imprisoned and in danger of life thereby to hazard their own liberties and lives for the freedome and preservation of their friends To the setling and confirming of this friendship I shall lay down some conditions as necessarily requisite First that there be a kinde of equality betwixt friends which though the learned Roman Tully allows not yet with some Grecians it passed as a Proverb that Amity is Equality which is to be understood not so much in the outward estate and place of wealth honour and office as in the condescension and submission of the reason and will of the one to the other with a due observation to the place and dignity of the other And so Jonathan though the eldest Son of King Saul became a friend to David a shepherd for saith the Text the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David 1. Sam. 1â— and Jonathan loved him as his own soul and in this respect may a King be a friend to his Subject for Christ himself thus calleth his disciples and true followers friends Joh. 15. â—4 15. who although he never did nor could devest himself of the glorious Deity yet to the making good his friendship he became in all things as man sin onely excepted yea as he called these his friends Servants in the Text before so that he might prove himself the more their friend he not onely was found in fashion as a man and as they to be a man of no reputation but more he took upon him the form of a servant â—hil 2. and accordingly shewed it before his passion when he humbled himself to the washing his Apostles feet A second condition requisite to this confirmation of friendship is a community of all communicable goods Plato the great Philosopher held this so necessary not only for friendship betwixt private men but for the general peace in a State that he banished from his Common-wealth this thing called Mine and Thine as the onely bane both of friendship and publick peace which opinion some wise men have approved with this small distinction of possession and use So that though the one friend according to the Law be the Lord and Proprietary of his Lands and Moneys yet the use and benefit thereof in case of necessity or conveniency shall be enlarged to his friend And surely as the Apostle speaks if we have Christ with him we have all things for all things are his so he that hath the soul and the heart of a friend with and by these he cannot but command for his necessary use his temporal goods which as before he that shall deny in so doing he denies himself to be a friend And this condition hath a great part of its ground from this That betwixt friends there must be as before I spake of Jonathan to David but one soul or the soul of the one so knit to tho other that each loveth the other as it were with the same soul This love is exprest to be betwixt the bridegroom and the bride Christ and his Church where she saith My beloved is mine Cant. 2.16 and I am his where first he is made hers by the love of his soul and then I am my well-beloved c. 6.3 and my beloved is mine she first returns her soul and love to him and confirms his to her self and when love hath thus united their souls all the affections and actions of the soul to say will and do the same thing will follow It is storied of two twins That when the one laughed or cried or the like the other did the same and so it should be betwixt friends and such friendship or love is commended unto us in holy Writ not onely by the example of Christs disciples who were said to be of the same minde Acts 2. 4. Rom. 12.15 but by their precept to us as when it is said Rejoyce with them that do rejoyce and weep with them that weep and then in the next words which causeth this mutual compassion Be of the same minde one towards another And not onely have we this precept but Christ hath prayed that we be enabled to the performance hereof when he speaks to his Father Holy Father Joh. 17.11 keep those whom thou hast given me that they may be one as we are one and thus the heart of friends being made one in an honest holy love the one shall not will nor ever bear the sway but they will in some things so submit to the judgement and will of the other that neither shall seem to over-rule the other but at the most they shall seem to rule by turns And love being thus preserved by the unity of an holy soul the fourth condition must take its place That friends must will and desire nothing but that which is just and honest Just betwixt man and man and from man to God and honest that is of good report I have read of one Pericles who being desired by his friend to speak in his cause more then was truth he answered True I am your friend but no further then to the Altar which afterwards become a Proverb among the Grecians and had this sense that when they spake as Witnesses they laid their hands on the Altar which no friend should dare do no not for his friend in a matter of untruth 'T is true that many held this too strict in friendship when they say So much you will do for every man and will you do no more or have you not a case for a friend To which I must briefly say He deserves not to be accounted a friend who of a friend requires more then what is honest and just And from hence ariseth another condition in friendship That the acts and desires of a friend must not solely tend to his own interest and behoof for this is not just but equally or by turns mutually to the good and benefit of each other A picture well drawn looks from its self casting his eyes and countenance and as it were with them following the beholder which way foever he turns and a friend being the image or picture of his friend should in all good desires wishes and actions shew himself like this picture for otherwise he that loves another for himself loves himself and not the other for the end of his love looks inward to himself and not outward to him whom he professeth to love To the better cherishing friendship this sixth condition is somewhat requisite That there should be as much and as often as well may be a mutual interview and conference between friends The
Greek they say may here as elswhere among sacred and profane Writers signifie a separation or setting apart the person of man and beast to suffer death or the like as a sacrifice thereby to expiate the offence of others and if this sense may be admitted then much more cannot be inferred then that S. Paul preferred his Countrey-mens spirituall and eternall estates before his own temporall or before his life which shewes that which we allege for to prove the transcendency of his love Others conceive the words anathema or accursed from Christ to mean Excommunication and this to be like that casting out of Cain Gen. 4.14 where it is said and from thy face shall I be hid Gods face noting typically the Church or visible congregation of Gods servants and this wish or desire in the Apostle though it goe farre yet because it includes not an everlasting separation but such as by Gods mercy and the Apostles repentance may be relaxed it is not so scrupulous and dangerous as The third sense of the words viz that S. Paul hereby should wish his eternall disherisance from heaven for his brethren and Countrey-men which curse separation or disherisance if it be the sense of the words then some answer that the word is I could have wished it So that S. Paul doth not expresly and plainly say I do wish this but I could or my love is such that rather then my Countreymen to whom the Promise and the Covenant is made should perish and they lose the benefit thereof I could finde in my heart to wish that I might be separated But say they he doth not explicitely and in the indicative mood say I do wish But if this answer be not admitted as satisfactory but that S. Paul seems to wish as a dear friend and tender father to be kept from eternall joyes rather then want the company of his children and Countrymen whom he calls by a neer relation brethren the question then will be as it is generally made how far forth this desire may be held justifiable or be accounted sinfull as to himself to wish the privation of his own eternall blisse Which question or difficulty some thus assoile 1. That for the greater promotion and exaltation of Gods glory this may be desired being that this is the first main principall end of mans being made or redeemed to advance the glory of God and that Gods glory should the more appeare by the restoring and saving of the Jews cannot be denied or doubted by any 2. Or as before the Text speaks not that I do wish but that I could so wish and that I could wish may imply that this wish in the Apostle is not so absolute as simply to desire his own damnation for his Countrymens salvation but that it may well comprehend under it at least a tacite condition as Lord I wish it if so it agree with thy will decree and good pleasure for whatever is agreeable to this must be and is justifiable and no waies sinfull 3. S. Paul may be construed thus to meane if for any cause under Gods glory I may desire mine own exclusion from Heaven then I could wish it for my Countrymens benefit and salvation such was the heighth and depth of the love of this blessed Apostle which desires at least to translate all its own good to his beloved CHAP. X. The Causes and Motives of Love I Shall not yet here touch upon the prime and principall cause of Love which is God but of that which is neerest unto God goodnesse which is the true proportionate object of the will and so of our love Insomuch that if the will at any time makes choice of the contrary which is evill this comes to passe by the wills being deceived by a false object and counterfeit colour in appearance of some seeming good For the will in its pure constitution doth not cannot affect or desire that which in it self simply is and so appears to be evill A man blinded in his reason and deceived by the pleasancy of wine or the beauty of women may will the unlawfull company of the one and the inordinate use of the other yet in neither doth he will or desire fornication or drunkennesse as they are evils but as he is ashamed to be termed a fornicator or a drunkard so though he become or be both yet he desires not drunkennesse or fornication but onely the base delight and pleasure in them which hath deceived and cousened his desire under a shew of that which seemed then unto him good For God which made all by weight and measure hath given to our understanding and will certain naturall inclinations which as laws cause them to affect their proper objects which are truth to the understanding and goodnesse to the will So that who is perverted or willingly perverteth the truth this is done by the false colour and shadow of truth and so it comes to passe in the matter of our will which ever desires that which is good and if deceived it is by that which appears at that time so to be Aristotle hath ranged Love into three kinds according to the three severall objects alluring the will and desire The one is love of pleasure and delight which too commonly follows and is entertained by youth Another is the love of wealth and is the servant mostly of old age A third is the love of that which is comely and honest which I fear hath the least part or predominancy in mans will where private interest bears the sway We have read that in ages before us vertue honour and beauty had the mastery in the will but those objects are laid aside and are past away with those times Some ancient Fathers give a reason why our Saviour openly proclaimed his gift of paradise to the Thiefe on the Crosse rather than to the Patriarchs and Prophets and it was say they because he at that time when Christ was publickly disesteemed and contemptuously used by all that he then proclaimed him to be the Messias and the Saviour of the world This singular bounty therefore of our Saviour accompanied that rare piece of faith and love in the Thief to whom at that time when the Thief profest him Christ had shewed no miracle nor done him savour Whereas now adaies few serve or worship Christ unless he honour or serve their turns so that were it not for the benefits he daily bestows on us he might for us live as retired in the contemplation of his own infinite goodnesse with little or no love of the world Next to goodnesse not onely Philosophers but the holy Scriptures have assigned knowledge to be an especiall worker of love Our Saviour saith This is life eternall Joh. 17. â— to know the Father and the Son for from this knowledge ariseth our love and by them both we attain to life everlasting Unbelief ignorance or the forgetfulnesse of this principle as to say with the foole there is
forces yet no lesse doth she abhor and resist all other sins of the lower rank S. Paul when he saith Charity suffereth long 1 Cor. 13.4 what saith he lesse than that as the impatient man acts against the long suffering Charity so Charity works against all impatience and as Charity that envieth not is assaulted by the envious so Charity fighteth against envy and as Charity that vaunteth not nor is puffed up is opposed by pride so Charity labours to beat down pride And what from S. Paul I have said of those sins mentioned is alike true of those other sins instanced by S. Paul and of all other sins committed in the world And therefore not onely the Apostles but their and our Lord and Master Christ hath taught us this lesson that Charity is the fulfilling of the Law Insomuch as Rom. 13.10 so far as Charity can prevail to the killing of sin Mat. 22.40 which is the transgression of the Law she may well be called the fulfilling of the Law And so high an esteem had our Lord Christ of the great virtue and power which Charity hath in the work of our salvation that when he had largely preached of the whole duty of man and given him many precepts and expositions of the Decalogue necessary to be understood and followed by old and young learned and illiterate for the relief of mans memory and the greater incouragement to his proceeding he summes up all and tells us all the Law and all that God requires of man is nothing else but Charity that is love to God and for his sake love to thy neighbour S. Augustine addeth that as God calls himself Love who is all in all 1 John 4.8 for all things are from him by him and for him so the like in a quailfied and reverend sense we may speak of Love or Charity we say he that hath not houses nor Vineyards nor Lands yet if he hath Money he hath potentially all so may we say of Charity in respect of other graces and endowments of the soul In the place before cited S. Paul speaks that of himself 1 Cor. 13.1 which the best of men may say of themselves with the like truth that could I preach as though I spoke with the tongue of Angels yet this without Charity will make me but like an empty sound of brasse or like the bell in the sleeple that calls others to the Church and so to Heaven while it self hangs without doors Nay do I give all my goods to the poore and my body to martyrdome for the truth and have no charity these will profit me nothing Yea if I understand all the mysteries of God and have all faith saith he and have not Charity observe this he saith not of this last as of the former gifts of preaching martyrdome or goods that these without Charity profit nothing but he saith that although he hath all understanding all knowledge and all saith yet these without Charity make him not onely as a sound or which profiteth nothing but he saith that having these and not having Charity he is plainly nothing nothing as in Gods acceptance and nothing as appertaining to the Kingdome of Heaven The Prophet Isaiah tells the people that God regards not Isa 1. but abhors the sacrifices which he requires of them and that when they lift up their hands to Heaven he will hide his eyes and not see them and when they make many long and loud prayers unto him yet he will not hear them And how or why is God become so averse to his own commands and ordinances the Prophet tells us the cause is want of Charity when he saith Your hands are full of blood your works are full of evill injustice and oppression In a word I see not I hear not saith God but I abhor you and your works because both want Charity Much like this hath the same Prophet Isa 58. taxing the falshood of the Israelites who hypocritically cried out saying Have we not held our Fasts and have we not afflicted our souls yet thou O Lord seest not neither takest thou knowledge of our holy acts To whom the Lord in truth makes answer T is true I neither see nor take knowledge nor pleasure in your sounds and shews of holinesse For in or by these saith God ye exact your labours or things wherewith ye grieve others And ye fast for strife and debate and to smite with the fist of wickednesse and call ye this your fasting saith God no saith he the fast that I have chosen is to loose the bands of wickednesse to undo the heavy burdens and to let the oppressed go free and that ye break every yoak of Taxes Excize and the like these these and not praying preaching fasting with murder robbery and oppression are the works of Charity well pleasing to and required of God Without which no man by his crying Lord Lord Mat. 7.23 shall enter into the Kingdome of Heaven CHAP. XVIII Our love to God is to precede all other loves SUch was the exceeding goodnesse of God to his people that he knowing the many delights and enticements of the world the flesh and the Devill to withdraw mans love from his God that he not onely wrote in the heart of man that he was to love his Creator but that he might never forget it he gives him this as a spirituall Law written in the Tables of stone Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart Deut. 6. with all thy soul and with all thy might In which words not onely the precept is exprest to love him but the reason is annexed because he is the Lord of all and thy God in speciall And that thou mayest keep this commandment it shall be in thy heart And because from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh therefore thou shalt talk of it sitting walking lying rising that thy children thereby may learne the same and thou shalt binde it on thine hand and between thine eyes and shalt write it upon the posts of thine house and on thy gates I do not remember that any law or precept was so largely and strongly injoyned as this binding heart tongue eyes and all the faculties of the soul to love God Probably some may demand wherefore the Almighty should so earnestly and desirously require our love before or more then any or all things else that are in mans power In answer whereunto I may say that man hath nothing else to present that is so much his own or that is so much worthy of Gods acceptance nor so easie and beneficiall to himself for man to give as his love And therefore that which is least painfull or chargeable and most easie and beneficiall to the giver man and which withall is most pleasing to the Receiver God God the Receiver in his infinite goodnesse hath required of man the giver onely his love If a man were in danger to lose
Texts may be understood these or such Angels as God had especially appointed as helps for them and yet not that thence it should necessarily and generally follow that every man hath and is to have his particular Angel But in this I will not be peremptory but submit my opinion to the judgment of the better learned and so from the love of God and Angels I will follow mine Author to speak of the love of man to man CHAP. XXI Of the love which man oweth to his neighbour WHen the Pharisee demanded of our Saviour Christ which was the great commandement in the law Jesus said unto him Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart Mat. 22.36 c. This is the first and great commandement and the second is like unto it Thou s halt love thy neighbour as thy self on these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets whence it appeareth that the love of our Neighbour is next unto and a declaration of that former of our love to God And that it is so farre necessary that when the Pharisee only asked which was the great commandement Christ not only answered him directly to that but thought it requisite to adde what the hypocriticall Pharisee least cared for to know or practise namely what God had commanded touching his neighbour yea and S. Chrysostome addes that in some respects preachers have more cause to inforce this doctrine of love to our neighbour then that of our love to God for that all things which we see feel have and enjoy prompt and move us to this whereas there are many and severall occasions daily offered through our words bargains transactions and private interest to divert or lessen our love to our neighbour and therefore I shall set you down some reasons moving to and confirming the necessity of this duty And the first shall be that our Saviour Christ gave us this commandement which indeed is in the nature of an inestimable legacy even then when he was to depart this life and to leave the world and we usually say and hold it true that the charge or gift of a dying friend sticks and works most in the heart of the friend living and therefore Christ at the last point as it were before his passion speaks unto his disciples and in them unto us saying My time is short and I finde death approaching Joh. 13.34 before which I have one especiall remembrance to give you that you love one another and that in no ordinary way or according to the course of this world but so to love one another even as I have loved you who conversed with you kindly communicated all to you friendly and have truly laid down my life for you Therefore my last Will and Legacy to you is that as I have loved you that even so yee love one another And to strengthen yea to sweeten this gift of command Christ in the words following gives a good reason for saith he by this kind of love among you as by a cognizance or badge all men shall know that yee are my disciples and I this will prove if not in the eyes and estimation of the world yet I am sure in the hearts of all good men in the esteem of Saints and Angels and in the eyes of my heavenly Father a peece of great honour unto you to be know through your mutuall love to be my disciples The brethren of Joseph fearing that he might call to minde and revenge the injuries done unto him by his brethren Gen. 50.16 they sent a messenger unto Joseph who said unto him Thy Father did command before he dyed forgive I pray thee now the trespasse of thy brethren and their sinne which words of his dying Father when Joseph heard he wept faith the text and spake kindly unto them and not only exprest his love by words and tears but he comfortted and nourished them and their little ones and the like love with Joseph if we have any bowels toward so dear a friend our Lord and Master as Christ was we will shew for his sake who dying commanded us so to love one another as he loved us who gave his life for us And yet lest as Christ foresaw and foretold that in the last days as iniquity should increase so charity would wax cold and thereby both our love to such a dead friend and for his sake to our neighbour would grow faint and dye he therefore gives us a second reason to love our neighbours which with man may happily work more then the former because it contains in it the unspeakable benefit and reward acquired by this love to our neighbour and this benefit is no lesse then the kingdome of heaven with the full fruition of all the unutterable and unconceivable joyes with Christ for ever All which are evidently and expresly promised and annexed to this love for when God in the Law and our Saviour in the Gospel have pronounced life and the kingdome of heaven to those that keep and fulfill the law and their commands the Apostle as the Embassadour of God hath plainly pronounced and proclaimed that love is the fulfilling of all this law Rom. 13.10 indeed our Saviour himself spake no lesse and from it this our Apostle might take his Commission when he said Mat. 22.40 on love depends all the Law and the Prophets Neither doeth the reward of our love to our neighbour terminate and end in this great blessing declared but it works before it comes to that and produceth singular and infinite blessings therefore our Saviour before he commends the keeping of this commandement of love to his disciples Joh. 14.14 he prefaceth what ever yee shall aske of God in my name that will I doe then in the next words he subjoyneth as the means to obtain this wonderfull grant and blessing saying v. 15. this is to be performed if yee love me and keep my commandements that is to love one another And yet as though this were not the halfe of that blessed reward which Christ annexeth to this love he goes on saying it you love v. 16. I will give you the Comforter who may abide with you forever even the spirit of truth intimating hereby and that plainly that as by love we receive the comfort of the holy Spirit and truth so without it neither truth nor comfort will or can dwell or abide with us And which is a third reason to incite and stirre us to this love nature it selfe infuseth this love into the heart of man which in this sympathiseth with the sensitive creatures that all so love and agree together according to their severall kindes that they not only fall not out among themselves to hurt each other but feed nourish flock and herd together helping and defending each other against the assaults and hurts of other enemies to their kind And this reason of love drawn from common reason is and
absence when he shall hear least of it A third enemy to friendship is Anger you may observe that when God spake unto Elijah 1 Kin. 19.11 12. there first came a renting wind then a shaking earthquake and after both a burning fire but the Text tells that God the Spirit of meekness and love was in neither of these but in a small still or gentle voyce This this and not rage or fury is the parent of love and therefore Moses who was a meek man is the onely man to be called Gods friend And yet S. Paul teacheth us that there is an anger that may not be sinful for so saith he Be angry and sin not Eph. 4.26 and anger sins not then when it makes sin the object or butt of his displeasure and this anger Moses wanted not when he brake the two Tables wherein God himself wrote his Law but if ye observe this anger was not set against the persons of the people sinning for these be bewailed these he prayed for and with a wonderful measure of love when he wished rather that himself should be blotted out of Gods book then that they should be destroyed but all his anger was bent against sin and that not against a petite out against a most hainous and abominable sin gross Idolatry So that there is an anger in a friend which is not onely tolerable but commendable and it is like that of the Prophet when he saith Psa 141.5 Let the righteous smite me it shall be a great kindeness and let him reprove me it shall be an excellent oyle which will not break my head The Greeks as the Latines have distinguished anger by two words the one is called 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and iracundia by which is understood an ebullition or boiling of the blood which as it comes from a natural cause so it oft-times and in many is almost as soon gone as it suddenly came and this usually is found to be a consequent of the best dispositions the other anger is termed 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 which is a setled lasting wrath arising from a malicious heart and a revengeful stomach S. Paul himself seems to allow or favor this distinction when he saith Be angry and sin not Eph. 4.26 let not the Sun go down upon your wrath neither give place to the devil and this latter properly and not that former anger is it which we here speak against as being the deadly enemy to true friendship CHAP. XXVIII Of Self-love WE read not that man is expresly commanded to love himself because every one is so inclinable to it that the danger lies in our over-love to our selves yet it is implyed when we are taught to love our neighbour as our self and under this command is likewise implyed what we should not do to our neighbour as not to rob not to kill him We should not defraud our selves of what is justly and necessarily requisite for us much less should we destroy or kill our selves And this tacit precept of loving our selves is so much the stronger because it is natural â—nd ariseth from the first principles infused into man and never becomes vitious or sinful until it transgress or goes beyond the limits prescribed unto it which limits being to love God first above above all things and for himself for that he is the Alpha the first of all the first by whom all things were made and were all made for the exaltation of his glory And the second limit or bounding of our love being to our neighbour who is Gods image and our second self and therefore to love him as our self now when man shall so love himself as that he loves no other but himself then this love is corrupted and forbidden as sinful And into this sin as the first and root of all other sins did our first parents Adam and Eve fall when the devil tempting Eve he told her that by eating the forbidden fruit she should be like God the inordinate love to her own so great a seeming good moved her to desire what was forbidden and thereby to forsake God in disobeying his commands Pride properly was not the first sin in that Adam or Eve would be like God but the love of themselves was the cause of that pride And as Eve was the first that fell into the transgression of not loving God through her self-love so very soon after Adam dropt into the same transgression of not loving his neighbour for he when God called him to an account took nothing upon himself nor any way excused Eve but laid all the blame and sin upon her which was not to love her as his friend or neighbour and all this came from self-love The devil accusing Job asks God whether Job served or loved him for nought wherein his meaning was That neither Job the upright nor any other loved God as they ought wholly for God but for themselves Jacob vows unto God Gen. 28. â—0 but hear his conditions If God will be with me and will keep me in this way that I go and will give me food and raiment so that I come again to my fathers house in peace then shall the Lord be my God Might not the devil interpose and ask Doth Jacob serve God for nought the like may be said of the mother and the sons of Zebedee whose thoughts when Christ drew near his passion were for honour and precedency above their fellow-Apostles so that self-love seeketh primarily its own good though at the cost and charges of another And so tender-hearted and loving we are to our selves that when God hath poured out all the vessels of wine and oyle of his graces mercies and benefits yet if he require but some small return of a thankful love expressed by some holy exercises in the Church or at home how apt are we to say as the Spouse I have put off my coat how shall I put it on Cant. 5.3 I have washed my feet how shall I defile them small things about our garments or our very feet shall keep us from God or else we will say as in the Proverbs There is a Lyon in the way In our way to God we feign and suppose Lyons dangers of losing liberty or estates and rather then we will lose or hazard any thing for God we will swear backward and forward and serve the devil rather then God and we think we have excused all sufficiently by saying we were forced thereunto for we saw a Lyon in the way when oft-times this Lyon is of our own making or fear rather then that there were any such indeed and all this is the bastard-brat of â—â—lf-love And if you ask me what hath been the Mother and Nurse of all Heresies as that first of Simon Magus of the Gnosticks and Nicolaitans who to be great and to enjoy filthy pleasure were sometimes Jews sometimes Christians at other times Gentiles in their Professions but sure they would never willingly
that all things considered as premised I would not wish the man to marry that woman that is confident of her wit beauty or birth nor the woman to match with him that presumes on his wisdome honour or power for where these are overvalued in either man or woman each is apt to undervalue the other to contempt or discontent In a word the durable contractor in marriage is the harmonious consent of soul manners and love and this will make and continue the mariage happy always provided that as in purchasing land or lending your money you look well to get good security and the best is the honesty of the person with whom we deal and good sureties that will see all performed as it is agreed Now the first part of this security in marriage is the grace and virtue of the espoused man or woman of which the wise Salomon speaks Prov. 18.22 He that findeth a good wise findeth a good thing which good thing is her inward goodness and this as in the words following is the favour of the Lord. And of all the virtues in a woman most to be desired Prov. 19.14 prudence and discretion are the chief for this will keepe her chast and modest this will teach her reverence to her husband and to give every one their due both within and without dores And this prudence saith the wise man here is the gift of the Lord. therefore let the wise sell all as the Merchant in the Gospel to purchase this pearle For without this jewell wealth beauty and such like are as I before cited but as a ring of gold in a Swines snout The other part of the security for a good wife or husband rests on the Surety and this is he that is the only best match-maker God the Lord. Therefore be sure before and at the consummating the mariage to invite and get Christ as he was at Cana to the wedding and then be as sure that if all the vessels be filled up to the brimme with water which in Scripture signifies afflictiton and sorrow yet this guest Christ will miraculously turn them all into wine that makes the heart merry which is consolation Which great change is instrumentally wrought by that great Mystery Ephes 5. v. 31. as S. Paul calls it where the conjunction is such that t is said the man shall be joyned the Greek is as much as he shall be glewed to her so that they two shall be as it were made into or be but one flesh and this is a great mystery or secret that as Christ and his Church so man and his wife shall of two be made one The Philosophers went further in their expressions when they said man and wife are not only one flesh 1 Cor. 7.4 so that each hath power over the others body but that they are but as one soul and but one fortune common to them both one fortune in good and bad insomuch that the Civill law holds that if the husband prove bankrupt and be cast into prison the wife may be sold if she be worth it to pay and release her husband and as it was in the primitive Christian Church Acts â— so here especially between husband and wife all things are to be common and this is partly signified on the mans part who is the chief proprietor when in our leiturgie the husband tells her with all my worldly goods I thee endow where we must note that although the Apostle and our Church speake it only of the man that he shall be so joyned to the woman and he shall endow her with all yet this is as truly and more necessarily intended to be true of the woman who is as it were a subject to her Lord her husband But expresly charged on the husband to take away all scruple from Jew and Gentile who gave themselves a greater liberty and indulgence herein then Christ doth But yet the greatest spirituall mystery in this mariage is that between the man and his wife who shall be but one soul that is though two in substance to animate two bodies yet but one in affection and desire or but one to desire and dislike to will and to nill the same things so that what the Holy Ghost spoke and made good of the Apostles Acts. 2. Râ—m 12. v. 10.15 16. that they were of one minde and what the Apostle commands Christians to be kindly affectionate one to the other in love and to rejoyce and weepe together and to be of one minde each to other this and more if more can be is here required in this conjunction and mutuall love betwixt man and wife and this completes the great mystery spoken of S. Paul in marriage which mystery though it held good and true from the beginning of the creation in the law and gospel and so is to continue as long as there shall be man and wife on earth yet as at the beginning that Envious one so he is called in the Gospel the Devil seduced our firsts parents so soon after the Sun-shine of the Gospel and to this day afresh he works both on man and wife infusing into them foul and dangerous doctrines which S. Paul therefore called doctrines of Devils For in the Apostles times be taught Simon Magus Acts 10. and in and by him he taught all Simons scholars therefore called Simoniani that women may be used promiscuously and without difference or respect had to Gods precept relating to man and wife after which filthy sect succeeded the Saturninians followers of Saturninus who profest and practised the like then followed the Nicolaitans Rev. 2. who used each others wife in commune then came the Gnosticks living among and glanced at by the Apostles after these the Adamites who both male and female read prayed and administred the Sacraments all naked Soon after the Apostolicks called by themselves Eucratites or Abstinents who admitted none into their assemblies who had wives After these were the Manichees called also Catharists the Eunomians Priscillianists Jovinianists and the Paternians who holding that the lower parts of man and woman were â—â—de by the Devil indulged to themselves all licence of uncleanness in those parts These and some more though professors of Christ grosly and filthily erred either in the prohibition of marriage or in the allowance of a beastly usage or gross community of women wives or single persons insomuch that I cannot say that there have been so many severall sects or heresies since the Apostles times erring so grosly about any one subject as these named about marriage and fleshliness such and so great a power the Devil hath over man tempting him in his weakest and most sensuall part of the flesh which in the most is so predominant that some Divines think that this was that which S. Paul meant by the thorn in the flesh and for that cause he bewayled his estate in those words Wretched man that I am 2 Cor. 12.7 who
which I leave and commend to your reading and meditation A sixth is that the wife be nor apt to resist or crosly to reply against her husband Prov. 15.1 The wise man in generall tells us that a soft answer frangit reads the vulgar breaks anger wherein is a mystery that that which is soft can break and it can be no less then a secret in nature infused by God into the soul of man and note that woman though at first she were made out of a rib yet that is not so hard as some bones and it was out of the husbands rib too that it should not resist him who was the matter of her being Fire we all know will soon break out by the collision or clashing of two hard matters as iron beating on flint but rub a thousand weight of oyle or feathers against twenty flints no fire will issue and lightning and thunder breaks the sword in the scabbard A woman complaining that her husband was so waspish and crosse that she could not contain but reply her neighbour taught her this remedy that while her husband was chiding she should hold water in her mouth till his fit was over which with thanks the woman found to be an especiall remedy I have red that anciently among some Greâ—ks the Bride on the day of mâ—riage was presented with a horse bridled and sadled not to teach that she should be ready to ride and gallop abroad but that she should be as that horse with her tongue bridled and silent at her husbands command In a word that I talk not too much in an argument of silence Prov. 31.26 Bathsheba tells the wife that she must open her mouth in wisdome and that in her tongue must be the law of kindness not sharpness or replies but what ever the husband be kindness must be observed by her as a law and by this law she shall find great ease and no small benefit to her self For the wives gentle meekness which is a seventh necessary requisite is like goats milke to an adamantine husband which as is storied will of it self dissolve the hardest diamond which no iron steel or the like can do For the soul of man as the Pâ—ilosopher observes is a generous and noble piece which though it cannot be drawn or forced yet it may be led and won Or like a strong well fenced Castle it may be mined but not battered S. Paul to win the Thessalonians made himself like a Nurse 1 Th. 2.7 which stills and gaines the love of the Child by lullabies a merry note and the dug and not by curstness 2 Tim. 2.24 25. Gal. 5.22 or blowes And the servant of the Lord who desires to win soules and bring them to Christ must be gentle patient meek for this is the fruit of the holy Spirit which descended on Christ in the figure of a Dove a Dove which as they say hath no gall neither can she chatter though offended but only mourns In a word the Psalmist saith the wife must be as a vine not as a scratching bramble no nor though sweet as a rose yet she must not be pricking as a rose but as the vine which brings not forth sowre but pleasant grapes to make her husbands heart not sad but merry For close of this if the husband be a Naball a churle a fool a distempered person let the wife learn to be an Abigail who would not move or stir him to choler or griefe when he was in heate of wine 1 Sam. 25 36. but after his rest when she found him well tempered then she speaks unto him and gently too I will summe up the duties of a wife with that precept of S. Paul which I will read as the Hebrews Tit. 2.5 backward or beginning with the last first and the last duty here exprest is that she be obedient to her husband and that is to be wrought or caused by the next before it when he commands her to be good that is benign gentle courteous The third duty ascending is that she be 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 like the tortoise except on sufficient cause ever in her shell that is an house-keeper or housewife The duty preceding this is that she be chast for this chastity is a great preserver of retiredness when on the contrary gadding abroad is no great friend to chastity The duty first here placed and which is first in repute and esteem is that she be discreet and prudent Which vertue is not only a great help to preserve chastity and to keep the wife at home but an especiall cause or worker of the wives courteous carriage and due obedience to her husband according to that of Salomon Prov. 19.14 Ecclus 26.14 A prudent woman is the gift of the Lord and a silent and prudent woman is the gift of God So S. Paul in setting down the commendable virtues and duties of wives begins with this let them be discreet or wise for without this they will hardly be châ—st Seldome housewives and never good and obedient to their husbands To this observation I may add one more as the last to this point that neither the Apostle nor any other pen-man of God ever commended beauty wealth honour as to be sought after in the choice of a wife But house-wifery chastity gentleness obedience and the crown of all prudence and therefore I should never counsel any to make choice of a woman in mariage who is confident of her wit wealth beauty or birth nor the woman to be maried to that man that presumes on his wisdome wealth power or honour for when these are over valued in either each will undervalue the other to contempt or at least to some discontent I have been long I hope women will not beshrew me for it in setting down the duties of wives to their husbands I shall be shorter and I wish that they would not blame me for it in the duty of the husband because as Christ and the Apostles spake of the law so the whole duty of the husband is comprised in this one word love So that though under love both in the law and the husbands duty many things are required which are not simply and properly called love yet all these flow and stream from this one spring of love and this is the cause that S. Paul only saith Eph. 5. Col. 3. husbands love your wives Now love being 1. naturall 2. carnall 3. politicall 4. divine I may say in a qualified sense that all these loves are commanded the husband under this one word love a naturall love because the woman was of and from man being flesh of his flesh 2. the carnall love because thee shall be 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 into or one flesh 3. politicall for a sweet society and peopling the world 4. a divine love 〈…〉 be in holiâ—â—â—â— such as Câ—â—â—â—â—hawed compriseth all that possibly any woman can require or desire from her husband For