those Saints died there were people exhorted to doe the like Rust. But I mislike the very ground and cause of those holydaies which you say is suffring death willingly Doe not we die fast enough thinke you against our wils but we must set vp a trade of dying with a good will Acu. Thou speakest against reason For if thou must needs dye first or last wert not better to die for a glorious cause so to be sure of heauen willingly in perfect memory then against thy will wrestling with death overcome in the end with great paine and perhaps past thy sences Rust. Reason me no reasons I speake as I thinke I protest from my heart I had rather doe any worke in the world then dye What never come home againe to my wife and my pretie barnes Why I haue a boy his name is Iacke hee has a face as welfavor'd as any great turnippe root with a cracke in the mid'st which is the very proportion of his mouth I will not willingly leaue that boy for all the deaths in the world No I will not But if I must needs dye whether I will or no I wood haue death take mee asleepe that I may not see his face for if I did I would run away as hard as ever I could for my life Hor. Mr Acuto talke with me hee speakes like a foole I haue more wit then twentie such loggerheads Rust. Nay then I haue more wit then thou canst get for I can make my horses turne vp the ground and thou must doe it with thy hands and feet else thou canst earne no mony Come neighbour Vulcano we two wise men will leaue these two to play the fooles here vntill our â—urne come againe Exeunt Rust. Vul. Hor. Now Acuto let vs two conclude what shall become of these holydaies and as we agree I warrant it shall goe And thou hast almost perswaded me to let them stand But let vs goe and read a booke I haue at home of the liues of Saints to furnish vs with stronger reasons against our next encounter with these Dunces and then wee will end this controversie Exeunt Secu. How thinke you by this S. Hermito would you haue imagined that such plaine fellowes as these be should call a businesse of this nature in question By this you may may gesse what stirring heads we haue to deale withall and how easie a matter to keepe them in order Her It is somewhat strange And the more vnlearned the men are the harder to be satisfied But he hope is that as mad men doe best service when some of their like are most vnruly so these men being alike vnskilfull will soone confound each other and so giue over the businesse ACT. II. SCEN. II. Enter Antonio at one dore Proberio and Simplo at another It is not vnknowne to mee that very many doe censure my deeds as wicked and not beseeming a Christian But this is the iniquitie of the time because they doe not distinguish between persons and seasons For my actions being not ordinary are not to be iudged by ordinary but refined wits For now your downe right dealing is exploded as too subiect to every meane capacitie Pro. Yonder is thy master that shal be Simplo thou shalt lose no time wee le to him sodainely Segnieur Antonio All haile to your person Here is a man desires to serue you to be your pupill to imitate your actions so neere as his vessell can hold the print And he will doe well For hee is made all of wax very pliant emptie of all thing but a little mony and a tenement or two of land lying next your freehold on the south side worth 10l per annum Ant. He is welcome Haue you giuen him any principles such as you knowe are necessarie and is he docible Pro. He is ready for your hand Sir I will not commit such an errour knowing you as I doe but lay the foundation You may worke vpon him as you list I warrant you Simp. Sir I hope you shall finde me diligent and according to your heart Ant. Thou hast a good sterne countenance I like thee well if thy minde be as vntoward it will be sutable Simp. I warrant you Sir no man shall get any thing of me but I will knowe how he comes by it except your selfe whom I will trust withall I haue Deale with mee as you please Ant. I thanke you Nay if I deale not well with you I wish no man should deale ill with me I heare you haue land lying neere me I would haue you bee a good husband and keepe it Let me lay vp your writings safe least some deceaue you of them Simp. That you shall Sir here they be They shall be in pawne to you for my good behaviour for I thinke no man will giue his word for me Ant. Thou art the fittest man for mee that ever I met withall nor any man I thinke will vndertake I shall bee a good master to thee Simp. T is no matter sir I will stand to your gentlenesse Ant. Well said and I le even deale with thee thereafter Exeunt Ant. and Simp. Pro. Thou hast a seruice a dog would not haue it except his taile were already so short cut to his breech that no more could be spared I warrant thou turne seene the last of thy writings They will pull thy land after them And that 's but law Transit terra cum onere Exit Pro. Enter Hortano and Acuto Is it true that you told me Acuto at our last parle here that there were such valiant people in times past that willingly and cheerefully went to their death when they might haue inioyed life longer Acu. There is no question of it except wee should discredit all Historiographers who make honorable mention of them iâ— all ages before vs And in our owne time and memory there haue beene many such men Hort. I protest it is a wonderfull courage these people haue and in mine opinion farre beyond the stoutnes of the souldiers For they goe to kill and contend not meaning to dye which only they strive against and avoid by all meanes they can and provide aboue all things to bee well arm'd for safetie of life But the martyr with not resisting conquers death and feares not that which is feared and shunned of all others Therefore I thinke them worthie of great honour and perpetuall memorie But who are they say you that giue testimonie of them me thoght it was a very fine word Acu. They be Historiographers Hor. O Histornoggerfers a braue word I le make a knot of these letters Acu. No Historiographers man Hor. Now I haue it Histriagerfers Acu. Not so neither you must marke wel pronouÌ„ce it iust as I doe Hor. That I will be sure to doe Acu. Thus then Hi-sto-ri Hor. Stay there Now gape he gapes Hortano looks in his mouth le ts tell how many teeth ha you 22. hough whoo 's within there
stood by and yet had nothing to doe with the question went about to proue me a horse and thus he began Euery liuing beast or Animal that hath in him horse stones is a horse But this Animal meaning me hath horse stones in him Ergo he is a horse I was striken in such a maze knowing that I did eate the horse stones that I was like to sinke where I stood and euen presently to congeale into a horse But there was by chance an honest Scholler by who saw my colour quite gone took pity on me and bade me be of good cheere I shood not be a horse And told the tother to his face that there was a flacy in his argumen And then fetcht him about with a Recumbentibus and prou'd that the horse stones which I had eaten were consum'd and became such stuffe as I cannot tel you without Sir reuerence of your teeth and that they did not grow in me as they doe in horses Ergo the case was alter'd Then vpon this point of growing and not growing there was such a sturre that all the horse-coursers in the Faire came about vs One said they did grow another denyed it and such part taking on both sides that in the end I was content being desirous to make them friends to bee search't in the open market and so was cleer'd before them all to haue no more stones then I shood haue And glad was I that I was not a horse Had not I thinke you good cause to remember Logicke Yes I shall neuer forget it if I should liue 100 yeares Hor. Goe to then if you bee such a scholler I will not dispute with you about the Holy dayes but my neighbour Acuto hath beene a scholler as well as you and hee is able to shew you many reasons why they ought to continue And he hath fully converted me Vul. I will not be judg'd by Acuto nor by a better man then he Why I tell you my neighbour Rustico and I thinke our selues as good men as Acuto and you and we are two to two Wee le neuer yeeld while the Plow and chaines hold and that wil be a good long time for as fast as they weare I can mend them Acu. Will you referre it then to iudgement of indifferent men we are all neighbours let vs not fall out about things that none of vs haue skill in Rust. Yes wee le be iudg'd but not by any braue people for they will all take part with the Tayler that makes their parell gawdie and with the Gardner that makes them pleasant waukes and knots Acu. Wee le giue you the choice so that you name none of your owne trade and an indifferent man Rust. You say honestlie Nay truelie we are desirous to haue an end of it so that none of vs be his owne carver Here sits a countrie Gentleman a plaine man a good house-keeper and peace-maker among all his neighbours he is no Iustice of peace so there is no feare to speake our minde before him nor neede we any minerator to him he is very courteous Acu. Wee le not refuse him nor any that is honest Rust. God saue you Sir Heere is a great controuersie betweene foure neighbours two against two Reasons are alleaged on both sides and neither part will agree to other In the end we accorded to referre the matter to you we beseech you to consider and order it as you please and then so shall it be Secu. The controversie is beyond my skill it being matter of diuinity but mine opinion is they ought still to bee kept For I perswade my selfe that our Auncetours which did all things well had speciall reasons for these daies to be kept holy What their reasons were I take not vpon me to set downe there sits a Religious man he is more like to quenche your thirst and resolue your doubts then I am Vul. Most Reverend Sir though we be strangers to you we are bold to aske your counsell in a busines of weight Her You are welcome whosoeuer you are no marvaile though you be strangers to me who haue estranged my self from all the world but what counsell can you expect from me who am not like to giue wordly men any satisfaction since I haue alreadie given the world with all his busines an vtter farewell Acu. Sir our busines is not worldly though it concerne worldlie men euen as your life is not worldlike though bodilie you liue on earth Vul. Nay M. Acuto stand aside or I le haue you taken away for you marre the paly you are very forward to take the tale out of my mouth as if you had more wit but I think not so I began first to speake vnto this man therefore I wil haue the last word Sir our busines with you shal be short for I am a hot fellow and I strike thick and short This Tailer takes long and wide stitches and drawes out the time to make his worke seeme much Our difference is for the Holy-dayes as they stand in the Kalender whether it were fitter they should be retourn'd into working-daies as they were at the first or remaine to the worlds end If you iudge they ought to stand we are content and will worke harder at other times If you will haue them downe doe but say the word hold vp your finger wee le maule vs to the ground at a blow Her Your questiō is not hard to decide fit enough for me to deliuer mine opinion in It is true they were all working daies at the first For which purpose it is said such work as thou doest worke it in those six daies and not on the seauenth day Yet God did neuer forbid any of those six daies to be kept holy And the Christian Church hath appointed many daies to be kept holy in memory of Saints which suffered diverse torments for Christs sake who suffered all for them and for them all And those to be kept to the worlds end that their facts and fame might neuer die but encourage others to treade their bloudie but Heauenly steppes Therefore since the Church of God and custome of Christian countries haue so ordered it let no mans private rashnes presume such alteration as to make away or put out the Holy-dayes but with due reverence to obserue them Vul. Gods blessing on you Sir you haue quite confiscated my conceite I le kill him that would haue them downe Such a sermon every day would make me keepe all the rest of the weeke holy Gow neighbour Rustico you and I will hang together and change together I le neuer meddle with any matter out of the length and bredth of my Anvile fall back fall edge while I breathe Me thinkes I am good enough with this little teaching I shall neuer need to mend heereafter I could finde in my heart to goe to hanging presently and be a martyr if I might haue no time to thinke of the paine but goe aliue to Heauen
foolish match Infâ—. Why sir if you be let it not trouble you I hope you shall haue better lucke in greater matters yet if she haue a good portion you are happy if she haue none yet you may be even with her if it please you although she proue a roaring girle Insa. Canst thou tell which way to be even with her Infâ—. Mary to haue as little as she And if I were 〈◊〉 you I would serue her so teach her to come emptie handed to a man of your spending Infâ—. Well we must make the most of her that I can now â— haue her and take no care for any thing that the way to liue long and leaue nothing ACT. 7. SCEN. 3. Intrat Simplo. Gentlemen you two I meane M. Securus and Sir Hermito my master intreats you both to come to his chamber for a short space he will go twice so faire for you any other time Exeunt Insa. Infael. Sâ—cu. Thanke your master we haue din'd alreadie and can eat nothing another time we will see him if wee haue no businesse Sim. O you mistake it Sir neither now nor any other time for eating there is no meat my Master does not vie to quilt his frends stomackâ— with too much meat No hee would speake with you about a note he hath caused to bee drawne he will desire you to pervse it and do him a favour it is in the nature of a certificate Seâ—u. Truely he shall haue no hand of mine to any writing nor to anie purpose nor for my credit sake will I come in his companie I doe imagine what it is He knoweth that we heare so much evill of him that he doubts we will speak â—s we finde And therefore he would haue vs giue commeÌ„nations of him to some friend of ourâ— in some small request which he never meanes to sue for But this our good report he will keepe by him partly to stop our mouthes hoping we will not speake contrarie to our testimonie in writing and partly for his crediâ— to be shewed vpon every occasion against all that haue cause to speake evill of him Let him content himselfe we refuse to come neere him Her Honest friend I marvell with what conscience 〈…〉 serue one that is 〈…〉 Sim. Mary Sir with as wide and large a conscience as any man hath and as throughly tentered My master I are no niggards of our conscience Besides I am bound by my 100l to serue him Her Thou wert as good lose thy 100l at first as at last for he will in the end deceaue thee of it Sim. If he doe then I hope hee will teach mee cunning worth 100l to deceaue others so I may double my 100l For I doe not thinke but hee hath gotten manie 100l with art And I le never leaue him tell I get all his tricks and now he hath made me free he will vse me as his fellow Her By that meanes thou wilt accompanie him to â—ell Sim. Downe the lane to the Divell Nay an wee goe to no worse place then Hell I care not for I doe not think but my master hath craft enough for any Divell on um all Her But there he shall meet with his crafts master Sim. What master my master in craft that were somewhat strange yet I le beleeue any thing but that Wel I shall tell him you will not come And what 's the reason you will not come I haue almost forgotten Her Mary because at our baptisme wee vowed to renounce the infernall Spirit And now upon our owne experience and iudgement we abandon all incarnate Divells Sim Abandon what 's that if I can obserue that word right I shall carry the rest well I knowe what you meane by a carnation divell Exit Her What doe you iudge of these passages M. Securus â—ecu. Surely Sir it is hard vpon the suddaine to deliuer a true sentence vpon so many contrarieties as this day wee haue heard But breefly I thinke they ought all to be duced vnto two maine heads of Good and Bad and of the worst to chuse the least and of the better take the most Her In part I dissent from you but in part I agree If we be constrained to chuse among things which are 〈…〉 best to permit the least but if a man haue freedome then the best choice is to refuse evill be it never so little Among the severall discourses this day acted I note many vices vailed over with froth and florish of words but the same againe vnmasked with substantiall matter and laid naked to disgrace So it seemeth they are not propounded to imitate but 〈◊〉 forth to be shamed They are painted in colours but in a map of 〈…〉 some 〈…〉 but such as runne to ruine They are brought forth to be rewed but to manifest their vglinesse They come not here to be liked but lothed not to be fauored but derided Not allowed in private but in publike to be condemned So I hope that all wise hearers will avoid the sinnes and abuses here touched which are many and follow good counsell if they heard any Which that they may doe my part is to pray to the giuer of wisdome And so Sir wishing much prosperitie to your charitable endeavours I take leaue and the next way to my poore quiet Cell Exit Securus sequitur Intrat Proberio 〈…〉 〈…〉 〈…〉 〈…〉 Exit EPILOGVS NOw that your patience hath permitted vs to bring vnto an end this present Dialogue wee stand in good hope of your clemencie that no more offence will bee taken at any word 〈◊〉 passed then we had meaning to giue which wee protest 〈…〉 at all For it were against reason and our owne ends to driue hence that companie which we wish rather â—oubled then out of it one to be spared It resteth that we render you very humble and hartie thanks And that all â—â—r hearts pray for the I le and his families enduring happinesse 〈…〉 FINIS