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A18595 Kind-harts dreame Conteining fiue apparitions, vvith their inuectiues against abuses raigning. Deliuered by seuerall ghosts vnto him to be publisht, after Piers Penilesse post had refused the carriage. Inuita inuidiƦ. by H.C. Chettle, Henry, d. 1607? 1593 (1593) STC 5123; ESTC S116845 28,224 58

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a Landlady I warra●t ye this Usurie is within the Statute it is not aboue fiue hundred for the loane of a hundred by the yeare Neyther will they doe this good to their tena●tes alone but they will deale with their husbandes that for a little roome with a smoakie chimney or perchaunce none because smoake is noysome they shall pay at the least but fortie shillings yeerly Fie vpon fines thats the vndooing of poore people weele take none say these good creatures marry for the key wee must haue consideration that is some Angell in hand for verely the last tenant made vs change the locke neither thinke we deale hardly for it stands in a good place quite out of company where handicraft men may haue leysure to get their liuing if they knew on what to set themselues a worke Now for all this kindnesse the Land-lord scarce asketh of the tenant thankes though hee deserue it well for as I saide his Wife is all the dealer so plaies the Pars●n the person I should say I would bee loath to be mistaken that I tolde yee before builded the Alnteshouse The care of rentes is committed to his Wife he is no man of this world but as one metamorphizd from a Saint to a Deuill How now Kindhart shall we neuer haue done with these Landlordes It seemes well thou hast as little land as witte for while thou liuest they wil not mend and therefore its as good to make an ende as waste winde Well all this was of good will to helpe Tarleton out with his tale Now let me see what note Cuckoe sings for tis his lucke to be last William Cuckoe to all close Iuglers wisheth the discouery of their crafts ●nd punishment for their knaueries ROome for a craftie knaue cries William Cuckoe Knaue nay it will neare hande beare an action Bones a mee my trickes are stale and all my old companions turnd into Ciuill sutes I perceiue the worlde is all honestie if it be no other than it lookes Let me see if I can see beleeue mee theres nothing but iugling in euery corner for euery man hath learnd the mysterie of casting mysts though they vse not our olde ●earms of hey-passe re-passe and come aloft yet they can bypasse compasse and bring vnder one another as cunningly and commonly as euer poore Cuckoe coulde command his Iacke in a Boxe Yet my maisters though you robde me of my trade to giue recompence after death I haue borrowed a tongue a little to touch their tricks And now sir to you that was wont like a Subsister in a gown of rugge rent on the left shoulder to sit singing the Counter-tenor by the Cage in Southwarke me thinks ye should not looke so coyly on olde Cuckoe What man it is not your signe of the Ape and the Uri●all can●arry away our olde acquaintance I trust yee remember your iugling at Newington with a Christall stone your knaueries in the wood by Wansteed the wondrous treasure you would discouer in the Ile of Wight al your villanies about that peece of seruice as perfecty known to some o● my friends yet liuing as their Pater noster who curse the time you euer came in their Creed But I perceiue you fare as the Fox the more ●and the better hap I wonder what became of your familiar I meane no Deuill man but a man Deuil and yet I need not wonder for since my descending to vnder earth I heard say he was hangd for his knauerie as you in good time may be Amen Amend I should say but I thinke yee me ane it not the matter is not great for thanks be to God how euer you mend in manners the world is wel amended with your man and you I pray ye was that hee which was your instrument in Notingam-shire to make your name so famous for finding things lost It may be you forgot that one fetch among many and least it should bee out of your heade Ile helpe to beate it into your braines YOur Maship vpon a horse whose hire is not paid for with your Page at your stirrop like a Castilian Caualier lighted pennilesse at a pretie Inne where that day sate certain Iustices in Cōmission Your high hart carelesse of your present neede would needes for you● selfe share out one of the fairest chambers Your Page must be purueyer for your diet who in the kitchin found nothing for your liking Beefe was grosse veale flashy mutton fulsome rabbets hens capons common Wild foule for Will foole or he will fast Well at your will ye shall be furnisht But now a Iugling tricke to pay the shot My Impe your man while mistrisse men and maids were busied about prouision for the Iustices that sate slips into a priuate parlour wherein stood good store of plate and conueying a ma●sy sault vnder his Capouch lit●le lesse woorth than twentie marke got secretely to the back-side and cast it into a filthie pond which done he acquaints your knaueship with the deed By then your diet was drest the sault was mist the good Wife cryde out the maydes were ready to runne madde Your man making the matter strange inquird the cause which when they tolde O quoth hee that my maister would d●ale in the matter I am sure he can do as much as any in the world Well to you they come pitifully complaining when very wrathfully your choler rising you demaund reason why they should thinke yee bee able to deale in such cases Your kind nature bent alwayes to lenitie yeelded at the last to their importuning onely wisht them to stay till the nexte day for that you would not deale while the Iustices were in the house They must do as your discretion appoints next day calling the good-man and wife to your bed-side ye tell them the sal●e was stolne by one of their familiars whom he had forced by Art to bring it backe againe to the house and in such a pond to cast it because he would not haue the partie knowne for feare of trouble ●s you direct them they search and find then comes your ●ame in rare admiration the Host giues you foure Angels for a reward the Hostesse two French crowns the maydes are double diligent to doe you seruice that they may learne their fortunes the whole towne talks of the cunning man that indeed had onely connycat●ht ●is 〈◊〉 If that slip-string bee still in your feruice I aduise you make much of him for by that tricke he prou'd himselfe a toward youth necessary for such a maister This iugling passes Cuckoes play Well I aduise you play least in sight in London for I haue sette some to watch for your comming that will iustiste all this and more of your shifting life Returne to your olde craft and play the Pinner although it be a poore life it is an honest life your fallacies will one day faile ye There is another Iugler that beeing well skild in the Iewes Trumpe takes vpon him to
bee a dealer in Musicke especiall good at mending Iustruments he iugled away more instrumentes of late than his bodie being taken will euer be able to make good Tut thats but a plaine tricke How say ye by some I●glers that can serue writs without any original and make poore men dwelling farre off compound wit● them for they knowe not what I tell you there bee such that by that trick can make a vacation time quicker to them than a Terme who troubling threescore or foure score men without cause get of some a crowne of others a noble of diuers a pound beside the ordinarie costes of the writ to put off their appearance when n● such thing was toward Fie vpon these Iuglers they make the lawes of the Realme be ill spoken of and are cause that plaine people thinke all Lawyers like them ●s appeares by a poore old man by chance comming into one of the worshipful Innes of the Court where sundry Ancients and Students both honorable and worshipfull sate at supper the poore man admiring their con●ely order and reuerent demeanor demaunded of a stander by what they were Gentlemen said hee of the Innes of Court Lord blesse hem quoth plaine Coridon beene they of Queens Court No said the other but of the Innes of Court What doon they quoth the Countrey man wotten yee The other answered that they were all Lawyers and Students of the Lawe Now well a ●eere cries plaine Simplicitie wee han but one Lawyer with vs and hee spoyles all the Parish but heere beén now to marre the whole shire His simplenes was by the hearers well taken and the Lawiers name inquird who prou'd no other but one of these pettifogging Iuglers that hauing scraped vp a few common places and by long Sollicitership got in to be an odd Atturney was not long since disgraded of his place by pitching ouer the Barre yet promoted to looke out of a wodden window cut after the Doue hole fashion 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 on his suttle pate containing the iugling 〈◊〉 shewed So fortune it to his fellowes and let the●r misery come cito pede Law is in it selfe good the true Professors to be highly esteémd But as in Diuinity it sometime fares that Schismatikes Heretikes and such like make Scripture a cloake for their detested errors and by their practises seéke to make the reuerend Diuines contemptible so a sort of Conny-catchers as I may call them that haue gathered vp the gleanings of the Law onely expert to begin controuersies and vtterly ignorant of their end perswade the simple that if they will follow their rules thus and thus it shall chance to their speédy quieting and that Atturneys Counsellers and Serieants are too costly to bee dealt with simply bur by their mediation who are able to speak when Counsell failes and giue more ease in an houre than the best Benchers in a yeare when God wot they doo no more good than a Drone in a Hiue These Iuglers are too cunning for Cuck●e and in the end will proue too crafty for themselues Other Iuglers there bee that 〈◊〉 fauour from Authority to seeke some thing to themselues beneficiall and to the Common-wealth not preiudiciall vnder colour of orderly dealing haue hookt into their hands the whole liuing to a number poore men belonging These when they were complaind on immediately tooke an honest course and promist large reliefe yeerely to them they wrong But euery promise is either brokē or kept so it fares with them I protest if their Iugling were set downe it would make a prety volume but I wil let them passe because there is hope they will remember themselues To set downe the Iugling in Trades the crafty tricks of buyers and sellers the swearing of the one the lying of the other were but to tell the worlde that which they well knowe and therefore I will likewise ouerslip that There is an occupation of no long standing about London called Broking or brogging whether ye will in which there is pretty Iugling especially to blind Law and bolster Usury if any man be forst to bring them a pawne they will take no interest not past twelue pence a pound for the month marry they must haue a groat for a monthly bill which is a bill of sale from month to month so that no aduantage can be taken for the Usurie I heare say its well multiplied since I died but I beshrewe them for in my life many a time haue I borrowed a shilling on my Pipes and paid a groat for the bill when I haue fetcht out my pawne in a day This Iugling exceeds Cuckoes gettings and sundry times turnd poore William to his shifts Indeede I deny not but in their kind some of them deale well and wil preserue a mans goods safe if he keep any reasonable time these are not so blameable as they that make immediate sale If euer I haue oportunity to write into the world againe I will learne who abuse it most and who vse it best and set ye downe their dwelling places Now I will draw to an end concluding with a Master Iugler that he may be well kn●wne if he be got into any obscure corner of the Countrey This Shifter forsooth carried no lesse countenance than a Gentlemans abilitie with his two men in blue coates that serued for shares not wages Hee being properly seated in a Shire of this Realme and by the report of his men bruted for a cunning man grew into credit by this practise His house beeing in a Uillage through which was no thorough Fare his men and sometime his Mastershippe in their company at midnight woulde goe into their neighbours seuerall grounds being farre distant from their dwelling houses and oftentimes driue from thence Horses Mares Oxen Kine Calues or Sheepe what euer came next to hande a mile perthaunce or more out of the place wherein they were left Home would they return and leaue the cattel straying In the morning sometime the milke-maids misse their Kine another day the Plough-hinds their Oxen their Horses another time somewhat of some woorth once a weeke lightly Whither can these poore people go but to the wisemans worship Perchaunce in a morning two or three come to complaine and seeke remedie who welcommed by one of his men are seuerally demaunded of their losses If one come for sheepe another for other cattell they are all at first tolde that his Maistership is a sleepe and till hee himselfe call they dare not trouble him But very kindly he takes them into the hall and when his worship stirs promises them they shall speake with him at liberty Now sir behind a curtaine in the hall stands a shelfe garnisht with bookes to which my mate goes vnder to take o●e downe And as he takes it down pulleth certaine strings which are fastened to seuerall small be●s in his Maisters chamber and as the bels strike hee knowes what cattell his neighbors come to seeke one bell being for Oxen another for