outward appearance to frown upon his peopâ—e it seemed an hour of darkness to me my heart was troubled then was I earnest with the Lord further to â—irect me in the way that he shâ—uld choose and the Lord was pleased to shine in with some Gospel light and cause me to see a vast disproportion between a superstiâ—iouâ— way of worshipping of God and a spiâ—itual sincere way in wâ—ich spiritual Christians serve him then I said O that God would please to bring me into the Fellowship and Communion of his own peopâ—e and if he hath appointed them to suffer Oh that I might be one that he would count worthy to suffer for the name of Christ Oh how dâ—th my Soul desire to bear part in the affliction of Sion much rather then to injoy the mirth and pleasure of an earthâ—y Kingdom then did I cast my self upon the Lord and offer up my Soul to him who knows how to frame it according to his own blessed will then I said Lord hast not thou the â—earts of all creatures in thy hand and hast power to turn them into what frame soever thou pleasest bring mine into a conformity to thy blessed will O do it Lord for thy mercies sake then I made known my desires unto my friend by letter to joyn in society with that congregation whereof my friend was a member For about that time the Minister of the Parish intending to give the Sacrament preached a preparatory Sermon from 1 Cor. 11. 27 28 29. v. Shewing the sweet nature of that blessed ordinance the danger of unworthy râ—ceiveâ—s and how a Christian ought to be qualified before partaking thereof at the hearing of which I was awakened and the Lord was pleased to come in with sweet comfort and refreshments considering thâ— blessed provisiâ—n God had gratiously made for those that prepared to meeâ— him therein but I was troubled when I considered that very few or none of his Communicants were so quallified to appearance which was my great burden for I longed much to pertake of that ordinance but dared not to do it in that manner and with such persons None could I use freedom with in this matter but those who I feared would make my trouble greater but thou O God who art ever ready to help in time of neeed thou the wise counsellor wilt not be far from the Soul that truly seeks thee then I called upon the Lord who was gratiously pleased to grant an ear to my request and through the help of my friend to bâ—ing to remembrance 1 Cor. 10 16. 17. v. by which I was much establishâ—d but more when I saw the number of his Communicants whom he had examined and accepâ—ed such as was very bâ—ind igâ—orant formaâ— creatures then I came to a resolution through the bâ—essing of God to wait with patience till he should see good to open away wherein I mâ—ght injoy such ordinances in power and purity and so as I might expect Gods presence and blessing which at last he was gratiouslâ— pleased to do making that my friend an inâ—trument thereof Oh let my heart be more carried out to God with praises and put a new Song into my mouth make it my work to glory that thy great name since thou art thus pleased to own me in thy dear Son Of Recording her Experiences O My Soul thou hast found by sweet experiences how good a thing it is to wait upon the Lord let not the gratious tast of his love slip out of thy remembrance but whilst he hath given thee life improve these mercies and the talent he hath lent thee to his own glory and let the gratious workings of the Lord as he is pleased to honour thee with incomes of his love and the sweet breathings of his holy spirit recount them here in order as the Lord shall give thee leave that they may be upon record against an evil day a day of temptation for how many pretious evidences hast thou lost for want of remembring them but now O Lord help me to deal faithfully with my Soul in declaring thy power and the riches of thy Grace in the daily remembring of thy merciâ—s O cause me to see the growth of my Soul in Grace and in the knowledge of my gratious God that my â—oul may only aim at the Glory of my redâ—â—mer The Lord was thus pleased to carry on his gratious work with much pâ—wer in my poor Soul notwithstanding â—he Devils suggestions many â—earâ— c. As that my condition surely was not yet so good as I did hope it to be and to doubt whether my joy was not meer presumption but the Lord in his goodness was pleased in a little time to clear it more fully to me and cause me to seâ— by the workings of his holy Spiâ—it sweet evidences of his tender love and bâ—ought into my meditation many blessed premises which he was pleased to bless unto my Soâ—l aâ—d confirm unto me with much establishment The Lord being thus pleased by his wise Councel and his tender love thus to guide my unworthy Soul at length bâ— hiâ— gratious providence brought we to the place where the Church met though they were strangers to me yet was he pleased to cause me to find much love and tenderness and there I had that blessed opportunity to receive that sweet refreshing Ordinance which my Soul had so much longed after Blessed be his Holy name O thou my Soul since thou hast seen the gratious deâ—lings of the Lord towards thee be not thou unmindful of his praise Improve thy talent to thy Masters use lay out thy strength for God and let thy heart be carried out for ever to remember the tender and unspeakâ—ble love of thy dear Lord unless thou put thy hand to heâ—p my strength is nothing I am a poâ—r weak nothiâ—g not able to do any thing if thou shouldest once leave me never so little The Choice Discoveries of Christ to her Soul when joyned to a Church in the Lords Supper OH how was the Lord in mercy pleased to manifest his Glory and goodness to thee O my Son in this Ordinance in which he was gratiously pleased by faith to draw thee up to recive those outward elements the bread and wine as presenting the immediate body and blood of the Lord Jesus broken and shed for thy sins O thoâ— unworthy Soul how gratiously was the Lord pleased to come with power raising thee up to praise and admire the exceeding riches of his Grace in choosing thee to be partaker of so great a blessing how was he pleased to fill thee with spiritual joy at thy returning home and give thee leave to come into his presence to return him thanks with joy that he was pleased so gratiously to manifest himself unto thee poor unworthy Soul as a God hearing prayer and answering thy poor request with so much mercy which the Lord inable thee for ever to remember to his Glory thou knowest I desired to do so
O how blessâ—d is that place where thou wilt dwell shall I not be kept O keep me from sin from grieving that holy spirit of grace O come sweet Sâ—viour take up thy rest here in my poor nâ—ked Soul and let my resting place be under the shadow of thy wings then shall I fear no ill for thou art my support and comfort for ever My Soul what great use mayest thou make of this great grace what singular comforts mayest thou reap from this great benefit if this grâ—at God be thy Father poor Soul here is grace indeed why then as a father pittyeth his children so he is pleased to pitty thee O he considers thy frailty and that thou art but dust therefore as a tender father who hath long waited that he might be gratious he still retaineth mercy his everlasting mercy unto those he hath been pleased to take into his everlasting Covenant Is this God thy Father O then poor Soul how greatly art thou honoured Is it no small thing in the eye of David to become the Son in Law unto an earthly King and shall it not be a great thing in thy account to be the Daughter of so great a King Ah my poor Soul hath the Lord thus honoured thee hath he iâ—dâ—ved thee with so great a Glory O then walk worthy thereof VVilt thou dishonoâ— him that gave thee breath and formed thee out of the dust to live and praise him who hath purchased thee to bâ— a peculiar one unto himself O wilt thou defile that glory by thy unworthy walking If thine earthly Father deserves that honour as is due to him by nature and the commands of God of how much more honour is thy heavenly father worthy to whom thou art beholden for thy All O then be careful my poor Soul and do not dishonor the name of thy great God is this great God thy Father then delight thy self in his presence and rejoyce in him above all for thou â—ast found through grace how sweet t is to be in the presence of thy God and Father to solace thy self in his Love O how sweet a thing it is to possess this to injoy that Communion in which thou art said to be kissed with the kisses of his Lips and made partaker of those heavenly Glories O how good is it to be in the contemplation of these eternal and transcendant beauties these glorious streams of living waters these sweet shades of everlasting comforts and to be filled with that everlasting fulness that filleth all in all O how much better is it to my Soul to be one of the meanest in thy presence to behold thy Glory then to be the greatest potentate upon Earth Let me behold thy Glory O cause thy face to shine upon me so shall all darkness be dissipated and nothing shall appear too haâ—d for me when thou hast cloathed me with thy strength O t is thy presence makes all things beautiful O t is this presence brings true comfort and gives full satisfaction to thy Soul satisfaction is not to be had in any thing below a Saviour no not in very friends they are all but fading comforts and may leave thee and forsake thee but then saith David even then the Lord took me up my heavenly father hath a greater love a pitty for me he hath said In the presence of the Fathere shall no ill come to thee the Lord will take thy drooping Soul into his banqueting house and speak peace to thee by love imbraces he will stay thee with flaggon and comfort thy love sick Soul with the choicest delights O how sweet is his fruit eaten under his shadow what comfort is it to a wearied Soul lye down under so sweet a shade to to take its rest from scorching heats storms and tempests If thâ—s great God be my Father then I will go unto him and make known my wants he can heâ—p in every condition and supply all my wâ—nts plentifully Lord I want wisdâ—m Lord I want all things but hast thou mâ—d◠〈◊〉 â—hrist to be all things for me then in giving him to me thou givest all and blessed be thy great aâ—d holy name And â—rt thou O God my Father How can iâ— be so grâ—at a priviledge belongs to me poor worâ— O let me then indeed and truly depend on thee O let my trust be in my God and suffer not my Soul to turn aside from thy commands O my poor Soul cast all thy care upon the Lord and trust in him for ever for blessed are they that trust in him at all times and who canst thou better trust thy self with then in the hands of thy Father And such a Father whose tender bowels are so great as will not suffer any thing to come nigh thee for thy hurt he knows what is best and fittest for thee a God whose pâ—wer reacheth over all the World and can bring to pass whatsoever pleaseth him O there is nothing Lord too hard for thee thou canst in one moment make thy poor servant such as thou wouldest have her to be O do so Lord for thy dear meâ—cies sake and let the glory of all return to thee Then hast thou such a God to go to as thy faâ—her in the time of need O what comfort is there for thee in any time of outward troubles when thou canst say thou art in the hands of a graâ—ious merciful God who afflicteth buâ— in measure when â—he doth afflict and that not according to what thy sins and iniquitâ—es have deserved a God that is slow to â—â—gâ—r pâ—enteous in mercy and when he doth chastise it is to separate thee from thine iniquity and make thee know in what thou hast offended him O let the end of thy chastizing hand dear Lord be such to me as may refine my Soul from all its dross then such afflictions shall be good ye good for me that keeps me in thâ— favour that cause me to find acceptance with thee Make that a great comfort to me in the greatest streight and difficulty that can come in this world he who hath all power in his own hands shall he not do whatever he pleaseth with his own yet he hath promised never to leave nor for sake them he will be still the God of those that fear him and will deliver them when they cry unto him O therefore my soul fear the Lord and let thy trust be ever more in him fear not man who hath a Linited power and shall go no further then thy Heavenly Father gives them leave they plot and devise mischief against thee and thine anointed thou seest O Lord and wilt thou not arise to plead thine own cause that they may see and be confounded every one when there councell shall be brought to nought and they made to see the greatness of the God of Jacob O Lord though we have sinned let not thy great name be poluted by those who know thee not O let that be still more glorious though
saith my God But now here is pleasure which proceeds from the breast of wisdom such pleasure as will bring profit to the soul and peace also such pleasure as will never hurt the soul but make it happy for ever What is it people take pleasure in is it not commonly in things that excel for richness for glory and delight c. Pray consider what thing more glorious can we have then to be found in the radiments of Heaven for glory for beauty for splendor for delight and comfort such are not to be found in the earth nor in the least to be equalled with it to injoy Communion with a God who is infinitely glorious so that there is none like unto our God to have an interest in a Christ who is altogether lovely and can it be exprest the good and comfort a soul in Christ is inriched withal even with joy unspeakable and full of Glory Oh what comparison can be made with the joys of heaven and those Rivers of endless pleasures which are at Christs right hand for evermore these are the pleasures which true spiritual Wisdom is accompanied with nay her paths are pleasantness and her ways are peace she leads in the wayes of God and those wayes are the wayes of peace and worldly troubles can never overcome a heavenly peace is it not a comfort to a Soul though in the midst of storms in the world to see himself at peace with God what sufferings would he think hard and too much for him to bear when he sees his Soul in a bond of peace being reconciled unto the Father by the Son even Christ Jesus This is not such a peace as the world giveth no 't is the peace of God which passeth all understandings which God is pleased to give unto his Saints alone as an earnest of eternal happiness and t was the care of our dear Saviour himself at his parting out of the world to leave his peace with us even with his own to bear them out and keep up their hearts in those tryals temptations and conflicts which they are sure to meet withal in their pilgrimage before they come to that holy Hill of Sion that heavenly Jerusalem that glorious City of which the Lamb himself is the light which being attained the recompence surely outpasses very much the labour after it here is the pleasure of a true believer in the fruition of God and here lies his comfort in being at peace with God and this can bear him up and support him though in the midst of a fiery furnace now those are the pleasures of the godly but the worldlings pleasures are of another kind the wicked deliâ—hteth himself in worâ—d iâ— vanities as if their were the greatest happiness and truly so it is to them they think not of their eternal being 〈◊〉 make provision â—or the flâ—sh â—haâ— they may 〈◊〉 the luâ—t thereof And hâ—d rather loose heaven with all the glory of it although it be a being of eternal rest rather then part with their base lusts in which they take pleasure and which they cannot keep long but may in the midst of those their pâ—easures â—e snatched away and 〈◊〉 to receive the reward of their actions in horror and eternal darkness those that had rather sin then suffer for the cause of Christ here shall assuredly suffer for their sin to all eternity he is not worthy of Christ that cannot with coâ—tenâ— parâ— wiâ—hal for him what is our all even nothing when we consider the gain we have by Christ nay what have we of our own to loose what we have is it not from the hand of our heavenly father who is the given of all goodness We â—â—ceive it and cannot he that giveth all take it aâ— again wâ—ensoever he pleaseth and if he â—hrough his infinite wisdom seem good to take hose things from us which might through our base corrupt hearts proves snares to our Souls and give unto us heavenly treasures the riches of his grace and gift of his holy spirit the true wisdom to know him who to know a right is life Eternal and having of these how great will the exchange be what cause can a Soul in such a case have to complain although he were stript of all worldly comforts surely he ought to lay his hand upon his mouth and submit unto the Lord in all things Naked came I out of my mothers womb c. Yet sometimes the Saints of God walk in heaviness under the afflicting hand of God even when the Lord hath withdrawn his quickning presence from them which made David lye sobbing under so great an oppression also all the dear Children of God have been sensible of the loss they have sustained by Gods withdrawing of his presence from them what sad cries and complaints have the church made for the same reason but will God forsake for ever no he will not for a moment I hid my face from thee but in everlasting kindness will I remember thee whom God loves he loves for ever and chastisements are but effects of his love the dearest of Gods Children may stand in need of the rod of Correction And God is pleased as a loving Father to try all waâ—es for his Childrens good he will hide his face from them that they may see the evil of their sin which hath caused them to loose the comfort of their Souls and thereby return with repentance that they receive mercy for he is a tender hearted father who looks with the eyes of compassion on his Children and will hear them when they cry unto him he will put their tears into his bottle so pretious are they in his sight he will comfort the mourner and hath pronounced him blessed O blessed be the means that brings such blessedness to the Soul that it should be taken notice of by the great God who would not be a mourner all his dayes to have such a comforter to help and succour him and who would not forsake the vain pleasures of the world to injoy those heavenly felicities and eternal pleasures which are at Christ right hand for ever more Lord give me evermore that bread and satisfie my Soul there with O see where beauty lies the Kings daughter is all glorious within there 's her beauty not laid open to the eyes of worldlings but in the sight of her well beloved alone to the world they look black and swarthy yet are they washed in the fountain of his blood hence they are declared to be without spot the world seeth not these things but the Lord is the searcher of hearts and the tryer of Reins whose eyes go through the earth and knoweth who they be whose hearts are upright before him O here is wisdom even in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus whom to know to know a rigbt is life Eternal to know God to be a wise just and merciful God to those that have his fear in their hearts who desire to walk in obedience
boldness thorough Christ have â—câ—eâ—s unto the throne of Grace and through the Son injoy communion with the Father being related to God having him to be thy Father bâ—ing a member of Christ being bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh the temple of the Holy Ghost the Spirit of God dwelling in you and is God thy Father then consider who 't is is pâ—eased to own thee for a child not a man no nor the best of men would you not think it great honour to be the Son of some Noble Man much more if you were Son to a King is it honour to be Son to an earthly King an will you count it no glory to be Son to the King of Kings will you give honour to an earthly King and will you not honour him by whom Kings Reign surely if God becomes thy Father he deserves honour from such a poor wretched creature as thou art consider the transcendant love and iâ—finite wisdom of the great God in calling all out of the world if thou belong to him he will look on thee when thou art in thy blood when thou art covered over with a Leprosy of sin and corruption and no eye pittied thee when thou wert dead then he saith lâ—ve ye being an enemy he reconciled to himself through the Blood of his own Son the Son of his love in whom he was well pleased in whom he delighted in whom there was no sin neither guile found in his Mouth yet this was the infinite unspeakable Love of God to poor sinners and for our sakes was the Lord of glory willing to come down out of the Bosom of his Father into the Circle of corruped earth to disrobe himself of his gloâ—y and take upon him sinful flesh nay he took upon him the form of a Servant and â—umbled hâ—mself unto deaâ—h even thae cursed death of the Cross that he might exalt thee and purchase for thee a crown of Glory what heart is there but a heart of stone that these charractors of Gods unspeakable Love cannot make impression upon have you seen the Love of God in Christ and not been touched with a lively sence of so infinite a mercy have you experienced it is any wise and not found the love of Christ to be a constraining Love surely those that have tasted the gratious sweetness of the Lord will be filled with a holy admiration and will have a heart full of breathings after those Heavenly visions and long for a more intire Communion with the Father of mercies and the God of Love But these seem to be strange things to a carnal Soul they are not to be seen with the eyes of flesh but by the eye of faith through the opperation of the Spirit the holy spirit of God the holy Ghost the comforter which our Saviour promised to send to his disciples and with them the whole elect of God now did we but consider the miserableness of our condition by nature being dead duâ—l blockish having no life or sence at all in any spiritull action yet that the Lord should awaken such out of the graves of there sins and reveal the righteousness of Christ unto them who can but admire the infinite goodness of our God now when this spirit of God workes it comes with power discovering sin and teaching the Soul to deny all ungodlyness and sinfull lusts and to live righteously and soberly in this present evill world the Soul is convinced of siin before of righteousness Christ came not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance who will seek to a physitian that is not senâ—able of any want he have of him be that thinks himself most secure hath the most need of help Laâ—dicea said she was rich and full and needed nothing when Christ found her poor blind and naked and she knew not not her miserable condition being destitute and wholy wanting When we see our selves at a loss O whether shall we go but unto Christ who is infinitely able to save unto the utâ—eâ—most all that by faith come unto him let us not dispaire for God is faithfull who hath promised and his word shall stand for ever let us fly unto the throne of his graee by that new and living way which he hath found out and appointed for the eternall comfort of poor sinners even the Lord Jesus Christ the Lord of glory and the Son of his love that whosoever truly repents from his heart and by faith lares hold upon him shaâ—l not perish but have everlasting liâ—e O let us admire the infinite goodness of the â—ord and dilligently inquire whether we have ever had this change effectuall wrought in us or no have we the shâ—mtâ—mbes of a new born Soul in us then we shall â—ee what cause we have to magnifie the riches of his grace in calling us from the world unto himself by his holy spirit that hath not suffered us to lye buryed under the ruins of our own sins out of which we cannot come without the drâ—wings of God and the greatness of the mercy wiâ—l heighten our praise when we consider the infinite number of dead Souls on the right hand and on the left and yet that the Lord should please in a more perticular manner gratiously to look upon us A Heaven born Soul as new born babe desires the sincere milke of the word that it may grow thereby which being fed upon through the power of the spirit is able to bring the Soul into a perfect state in Christ Jesus who is the word of life and the express image of his fathers person A new creature finds in himself a wonderful change every faculty of his soul is changed Christ died to redeem us to himself from the world from our vain conversations As well to sanctâ—fie us as to save us that we should live no longer to our selves but to him that hath bought us and purchased to himself a peeular people zâ—aâ—ous of Good Works that he might reign as a King in our hearts who is the King of righteousenss and who has commanded us to be holy as he is hâ—ly without which there is no seeing of the face of a holy God and siâ—ce it is onely Love and new obediance which proceed from Love that the Lord of Glory hath required of us in return of those unspeakable tokâ—ns of hiâ— Lovâ— to us O what are we or what is our Love that we should not think all we have two little for so good a God that we should not willingly render unto the Lord our ALL is nothing at all what is good is of the Lord not ours and his but just that he should have his own O then let us not keep back any part of what the Lord hath required of us but let us turn to him with the whole heart for it is his by purchase and though he hath in mercy afforded us greater comforts for our use it is not that our hearts should be taken up in them