hear Books and Ballads cried of me about the streets though I had not acquainted any with my trouble but only Mr. Watson My Father's Sister my dear Aunt Quiney a gratious good Woman taking notice of my dejected Spirit she way-laid me in my coming home from the Morning Exercise then in our Parish She surprized me with an inquisitive desire to know what I ailed but I not readily informing her she ask'd me if I were not troubled with Temptations I marvelled at the Question and then acquainted her with my Affliction She from her own experience in the like case advised me which for the present was a refreshment to me for before I was not acquainted with any in the like condition with my self Some little time after my dear Father taking notice of me that I was not well but not fully understanding what I ailed sent for a Physician to me Dr. Bathurst who I hope was a good Man but I was much troubled at his coming though I knew my Father sent for him in his great care and love to me The Physician came to me one Morning before I was out of Bed he perceived my Distemper to be most Dejectedness and Melancholly With other talk he discoursed very piously with me I took the freedom to tell him I thought I did not need a Physician and with the expression of my respects desired him to forbear coming to me which the good Man did not take ill but with good counsel left me It pleased the Lord sometimes to refresh me with those Words of the Psalmist Why art thou cast down O my Soul and why art thou disquieted within me Hope thou in God for thou shalt yet praise him who is thy help and health of thy countenance and thy God How sweet is this propriety my God! Lord where thou givest thy Self thou givest All and thou who hast shewed me great and sore troubles wilt revive me again Thou hast brought up my Soul from the brink of Hell Thou wilt keep me alive that I shall not go down to the pit of Destruction I desired to go from home into the Country to some private good Family where I had no acquaintance which when my Father knew he readily granted my request My good Aunt understanding my mind she acquainted Mrs. Watson our Minister's Wife a good Woman with my desire by which means I went to her Father Mr. John Beadle an honest worthy good Man He was Minister of Banston in Essex My dear Father hired a Coaeh and went with me to Mr. Beadle's and with the expression of his tender love said to me That I should not want any thing to doe me good to the one half of his Estate And he was very bountifull in the requital of my receipts in that Family God's goodness to be acknowledged my dear Mother then was very kind to me I lived at Mr. Beadle's half a Year where I had the fatherly Care and Counsel and Prayers of that good Man with the great love of his Wife a very good Woman and very kind to me and the manifestations of the respects and care of their Children and Servants in any thing that might tend to my satisfaction and comfort The Lord requite it to them in spiritual Blessings with the Mercies of this Life In my continuance at Mr. Beadle 's the Lord afforded me with other opportunities and helps much time in reading and secret Prayer which through Grace I strove to improve for spiritual advantage and humbly hope for the sake and merits of Christ remains upon the file of God's Mercy for fuller returns of Grace For half a Year I do not know that I slept if I did it was very little and yet I did not want either sleep or health Blessed be God for his sustaining and supporting Arm. If I desired any thing that was gratefull to my Appetite when it was brought me I durst not make use of it because I thought it to be the satisfaction of a base sensual Appetite I did eat very sparingly which with my much weeping occasioned me some little inconvenience which became habitual When I had been at Banston about four months by God's providence for me Mr. Beadle exchanged one Lord's-Day with Mr. Walker then Chaplain to my Lord of Warwick at Leez the first time I saw my dear Husband When I had been at Banston half a Year my Father writ to me as to my coming home to which I was inclinable though my Father gave me my liberty It was in my thoughts that I was without natural affection Mr. Watson and his Wife being at Mr. Beadle's and returning to London I came home in company with them enjoying more calm of Spirit than when I went from home I bless God My Troubles wearing off more gradually which to my satisfaction I desired if God had seen it good for me might have been more signal in the discovery and manifestation of his favour in my Victory and Conquest of my temptation It is not for me to prescribe or limit the Holy One of Israel If I may take leave to beg and wait on him in whom are all my fresh springs for supply of Grace and Comfort if the Lord will give to me his unworthy Creature in pence and half pence what in bigger summs he sees fit to bestow on others that my dependence may be continually on him I desire to be thankfull Lord if thou wilt not subdue my Enemies at once yet make them tributaries to thy Glory and my spiritual advantage that these Amorites may be hewers of Wood and drawers of Water usefull to me that I may see my own deficiency and thy strength in my weakness For if thy presence goe not with me I shall soon desert thy cause and though I may be assaulted let me not be overcome but seeing the quarrel is thy own Lord undertake for me in this my military life here where there is no cessation of Arms that I may war a good warfare that those my Enemies which now affright me I may see no more for ever So grant Lord Jesus Amen Amen This minds me of that apposite passage in Dan. x. 10 11. and very applicable to her Case vers 9. Daniel was asleep upon his face with his face toward the ground then vers 10 And behold an hand touched me which set me upon my knees and the palms of my hands and then vers 11. he saith to him Stand upright On which place I meet with this Note The Lord doth not at once restore his Servants from their frailties that they by gradual comforts may prize every drop of Mercy beings not quickned all at once when they are mortified but may be admonished by the remainders of fears and frailties to keep their hearts humble and in continual dependence upon God I shall have occasion more than once to touch this dolefull string again 'T is recorded of our Lord that when he was Baptized He was driven of the Spirit into the
kept this Trouble to her half a Year only her Sister knew it and oft see her sit and Weep most bitterly but I humbly hope God gave her strength against the Temptation and quieted her Mind After she revealed this Affliction and better understood the nature of these Troubles which as God enabled me I informed her and strove to Comfort her In the time of this last Sickness she oft asked me to Pray with her which when I performed I was too absolute with God for her Life all the time of her Sickness without express Submission to his Will The Lord pardon the Extremity of my Affection In this Sickness she was very tender-hearted expressed herself very Understandingly and Piously in Prayer with other sweet and gracious Requests to God she begged of the Lord that the Infection of her Disease might spread no farther in the Family which Desires of hers the Lord heard and granted For which Preservation I do desire to be thankfull to the God of our Mercies which in the midst of his just Judgments for my Sins in this heavy stroak shewed us much Compassion in preventing our farther Calamity in that Disease The dear sweet Child oft said She should die yet saying If the Lord pleased to spare her she would labour with watchfulness to serve him better and to amend all she had found amiss desiring me to be her faithfull remembrancer She was troubled that sometimes she had lain in bed too long in the morning especially for being straitened for time on the Sabbath Day which caused her to slubber over those Duties which should have been better performed bewail'd her unprofitableness and promised if she recovered this sickness better to observe the Lord's Day To the Physician that attended her in her sickness she said That he had many opportunities in going to sick and death Beds to mind him of Mortality and though none should be excusable before God yet they should be most inexcusable that had such frequent warnings Said That in health was the fittest time to prepare for death for in sickness she could do little more than consult her ease Dear Child she one Morning desired to see her Father and that she might see his Face saying She had now taken her leave of her dear Father's Face But the Lord spared her a little longer and she did see him again and now I humbly hope she sees the face of her Father in Heaven Dear Child she desired her Father and my self to forgive her in what she had at any time offended us saying If the Lord saw it good to spare her she hoped she should double her Diligence in her Care that she should never grieve us in any thing But this testimony I bless God I can give of her Few Children exceeded her in dutiful loving Obedience to her Parents She express'd her self very affectionately and honourably of her Sister and that she was sorry she had sometimes diverted her by staying in her Closet when she would have been better employed Sweet Child she was very tender spirited and was troubled for several little things which were very small or no Offence and if she had done any thing amiss would ask forgiveness She would sometimes say to me my dear Mother you cannot conceive what passes through my poor head nor what your poor Child endures And then she would bless God that what she suffered was not Hell where the Damned had not a drop of water to cool their Tongue And said What is that I feel compared to the sufferings of my Saviour who under-went such torments to save Sinners Dear Lamb she desired that what Money she had might be given in the Parish to some poor people whom she named and that her dear Father would extend his Charity out of what he would have bestowed at her Burial Which was performed In the whole time of her sickness I was not from her but one night not being well the last night but one before she departed this Life neither was I from her at any time but when the pressing necessities of my frail Nature urged it for a little rest and she was very glad when she saw me again and would express her loving Affections and Thankfulness to me for my Care of her I had many sweet endearing expressions from her of her Love and Duty She said If the Lord spare me I hope I shall do thus as I have promised But if I die my dear Mother you will remember what I now said to you and I could be content to be a little Child again that I might lie at your Breast and Bosom I have transcribed this long account hoping it may be usefull to some young Gentlewomen Daughters of my dear Wife's Christian Friends or others into whose hands their kindness or God's Providence may put it Now follows her exemplary Submission and Improvement She was exceeding desirable to us for the loveliness of her Person sweetness of her Disposition readiness of her Obedience quickness of her Parts serious Inclination to the ways of God and many sweet and winning Qualities which rendered her exceeding amiable and very pleasant to all that knew her But it was the Lord the sovereign Lord of us and her and all the world whose she was much more than ours God doth all things well wisely righteously gratiously and most faithfully The Lord was pleased to stir up great sympathy and tender Compassion in his People with many Prayers for her in her sickness and for us since and though it pleased God to deny them for her longer continuance in this World yet blessed be God we have great cause to hope in his Mercies that those Prayers are not lost but for the Sake Merits and Mediation of her Redeemer and Saviour Jesus Christ are granted to an higher end in eternal Bliss Good Lord sanctifie all our Afflictions to us that we may bear them with meekness and submission that they may not only be the Effects of thy Displeasure but of thy adopting Love Good Lord sanctifie this heavy Affliction to us and shew me in particular why thou contendest with me Therefore besides thy Holy Righteous and Wise Providence and Immutable Decree which had determined her time and the measure of her Days which I desire humbly and with all Submission to Adore and Acquisce in Good Lord give me to know and lay to heart the forfeiting Cause on my part which mov'd thee to smite with so severe a stroke in bereaving us of so desirable a Child and so great a peace of the comfort of my Life in this World Lord pardon my Ingratitude for Mercies injoyed that I have not so improved them to thy glory by a more carefull circumspect exemplary holy Life I beseech thee forgive my slackness in seasonable reproofs admonitions advice and counsels to my Children or others Although thou seest good to cut short my opportunities yet help me better to improve what thou wilt still intrust me with and forgive me
Instrumental yet it was the Lord the Sovereign Lord of her and us who doth all things well Good Madam What you cannot see now you may know hereafter if not in this Life of all in it you shall have clear Manifestations in Heaven that all Dispensations in this World were for the best for you the most I can do is to pity your Ladiship with my poor worthless Prayers in themselves they are so But I would beg of God to uphold you in the Arms of his Mercy that you may not sink under any Tryal and that your Affliction which at present may be grievous may appear not to be the Wound of an Enemy but the Chastisement of a loving Father who deals with you as with his Children in his adopting Love to you in Faithfulness God corrects his People in his distinguishing Love from those which shall never see his Face with comfort Good Madam I know you do desire to be in subjection to the Father of Spirits The Lord will be King let the People be never so impatient God will not grieve nor correct for his own pleasure but for his Childrens profit that they may live God's own Vineyard needs pruning as well as manuring that the Branches thereof may not waste too much of the Life and Spirits and Affections in worldly Satisfactions Good Madam God hath taken away a Branch dear Lady Essex she is not withered but transplanted for his own pleasure and delight that the Fruits of your Love to God may more appear in your willing Resignation of her who was so dear to you not offering unto God that which costs you nought Good Madam You shall sustain no loss God will reimburse and this Breach his Hand hath made he will fill up and repair at his own Charge He will in exchange for a Daughter bestow on you his only Son and build you a House better than Leah and Rachel did Jacob's God will give you a Name better than of Sons and Daughters and make you one of his First-born in Heaven God took it exceeding well that Abraham did not with-hold his beloved Isaac from him and for his ready compliance in what God required of him he had God's Promise That in blessing he would bless him Good Madam God hath more Blessings than one when God proved Abraham he gave him back again his Isaac whom he loved and promised that in him all the Nations of the Earth should be blessed of which Promise Good Madam you do partake with an additional Favour God having ransomed dear Lady Essex out of a troublesome World with a better Sacrifice than that he then provided for Isaac a Ram caught in a Thicket with which Isaac was redeemed unto a transient Life Dear Lady Essex she is redeemed by Jesus Christ unto eternal Life Good Madam What cause of complaint Dear Lady Essex is freed from the many temptations she might have met with in this World Isaac's prolonged Life found it so in his unsetled Condition he met with Affliction in his Posterity with other Troubles of this Life the World is unquiet like the tumbling Ocean dear Lady Essex she hath found a resting Place got off the rough Seas of Sins and Sorrows God hath placed her in the serene Region above God knew what Sail she was able to bear in worldly Prosperity or Adversity he hath taken her from the boisterous Winds that might have disturbed the Coast of her even walking with God God hath steer'd her Course dear Lady Essex she is got safe to Harbour from the windy Storms and Tempests of this World God took Enoch in the midst of his days as they then lived in that Age he walked with God therefore God took him I do humbly hope so did she God bestowed on her a very sweet disposition which I hope God made susceptive of the best impression The best people want their grains of allowance Good Madam Do not drive your Comforters far from you God preserved dear Lady Essex from the great Soul-wasting Sins from all gross Enormities God kept her from ever falling into any scandalous Sins she is gone unspotted out of the World Good Madam better is a good Child dead than a wicked Child living Good Madam I am more than content God hath disposed of all mine I hope through Grace they are safe but I have found much affection much affliction Though Mary had chose the best part assured and confirmed to her by Christ's own Word should never be taken from her yet her Eyes were so filled with tears at the Death of her Lord that she could not see Christ. The two Angels that sate in Christ's Sepulchre could not pacifie her grief nor slue her tears till Christ dried her Eyes with that loving Rebuke Why weepest thou Then she said Raboni and made him Master of her Passion God hath placed all the affections of humane Nature for great advantage if kept in the right Chanel bounded with his Grace that of Grief though for Sin which hath the greatest use of it and needs the highest and fullest Tides God would not have it swell beyond the Bank of his Mercy If God would have his People easie to be entreated himself will not be inexorable or hard to be intreated as good People are prone to think in time of Affliction neither should they be unjust to God and themselves denying the Grace God hath bestowed on them It is best to judge our selves but not unjustly Good Madam Do not misconstrue God in his Dispensations to you Afflictions are oft more for Trial than Correction but how ready is God to receive repenting returning Sinners the Arms of his Mercy are open to embrace them and to cover their Imperfections with his best Robe sent by his Son from the great Wardrobe of Heaven Christ's Righteousness imputed to them and inherent in them adorning of them with the Graces of his Spirit rendring them acceptable to their spiritual Spouse Christ Jesus He is the good Shepherd which laid down his life for his sheep If he send Afflictions they are not to worry but to bring his People nearer to himself If God put his People into the Fornace it is to purifie them not to consume them Good Madam when you are tried that you may come forth as Gold a meet Vessel for God's own use in the fuller Measures of Heaven Though God hath taken from you the Delight of your Eye Dear Lady Essex he will not take away himself but dissipate and scatter your grief with the Light of his Countenance which is better than Life God knows our Frame and will debate in Measure He will not stir up all his Displeasure but will stay his rough Wind in the day of his East-Wind that no Temptation may be above your Strength Good Madam fain would I comfort you but I know your own Thoughts can better suggest to you than I where you may find Grace to help in a time of need God's Promises are supports for the
through thy Grace I loath O blessed Lord and enter my solemn Protest against them Defiance and Detestation of them Good God I would not have an irreverent thought of thy sacred Being incomprehensible and most excellent Perfection and transcendent Glory which I would and do with my whole Heart Soul and all the Powers of my whole Man with all integrity acknowledge and subscribe to with mine own Hand to which O Lord I beg the Seal of thy Spirit as a Witness to my Soul that I am in Christ Jesus thy Child and Servant Elizabeth Walker Engaged I am O Lord by Covenant with thee in Baptism to fight thy Battels I beseech thee put on me that whole and compleat Armour that I may be able to resist my strong Enemies which war against my Soul and fight against thee Blessed Lord I desire to prostrate my self at thy Feet in the deepest sense of my own Unworthiness that thou shouldest look upon and help such a Miscreant and forlorn Sinner But for his sake that never sinned I beseech thee support me with thy compassionate Mercy to me a loathsome and defiled Sinner and give me not over to spiritual Judgments hardness of Heart blindness of Mind Impenitency an evil Heart of Unbelief departing from thee Give me not up into the Hands of them that hate me and would work my Ruine I beseech thee do not chuse my Delusions leaving me to a deceivable Heart to which I dare not trust without the Guards of thy Holy Spirit Leave me not O God to my own strength in which I cannot doe the least good and without thine shall fall into the greatest evils of Soul and Body and sink to the bottom of the bottomless Pit of Sin and eternal Misery from which O God I beseech thee let thy unfathomed Mercy in Christ Jesus speedily prevent me and give a mortal stab to all my Corruptions by what Course soever thou wilt take with me only let me fall into thy Compassionate Hands Good Lord bind up my Wounds and heal my Putrifying Soars I beseech thee forsake me not in the time of my older Age when Strength faileth and suffer not the defects of my Body to become the Sin of my Soul I beseech thee suffer no Tryal to be above my Strength but Blessed Lord thou that hast suffered being Tempted make a way for me that I may be able to bear it I beseech thee lay that Hand on me thou tookest hold on Peter with that I may not sink in the deep Waters in which there is no standing Good Lord suffer no Weapon formed against me to Prosper but bring me up out of my Astonishments and Confusions of Soul though the Enemy break in like a Flood let thy Holy Spirit in my Heart lift up a Standard against him Good Lord take a full Possession of my Soul and suffer no Rival with thee let me be guided governed and acted by thee Good Lord let no Sin have Dominion over me I beseech thee fill my Heart and Soul with the Graces of thy Blessed Spirit Deep Reverentialness of thee much Love Fervour and Zeal for thy Glory which I beseech thee cause to be ever very and exceeding dear and precious to me and suffer not the Envenomed Arrows of my Enemy to stick on me but I beseech thee quench all those Fiery Darts the Poison of them drinketh up my Spirits Good Lord apply to my Soul that healing Balsam made of the Blood of the Son of God and with an Indelible Character let thy Law be written on my Heart O Blessed God Father Saviour Sanctifier I beseech thee make this the transcript of my Soul in an Holy Life in Submission and Obedience to thee in all things with all possible Adoration Thanksgiving and Praise unto thee O Lord most due in Heaven and on Earth to which I say Amen Amen Amen She Read also all the good Books with intentest Diligence she could enquire out or be informed of on this Subject and wept Buckets of Tears to quench those Fiery Darts which though she had an Excellent Eye brought her many Years since to the use of Spectacles and caused her oft to use the Psalmist's Expression My Eye is Consumed because of Grief and waxeth Old because of my Enemy And would often Pray that her Bodily-Infirmities might not be her Souls Dis-advantages and say That though they were not her Sins they were the Effects of them Thus was her Life a continual Warfare in which she fought the good Fight of Faith and was more than Conqueror through him that loved her and helped her and I am comfortably upon good Grounds persuaded hath received a glorious Crown of Righteousness from him whose Appearance she so heartily Loved and so constantly and earnestly waited for Her Warfare is accomplished and she rests from these and all her Labours and as she overcame in his Strength who taught her Hands to War and Fingers to Fight and covered her Head in the Day of Battel so to him be all the Glory and Eternal Praises Amen Amen SECT XVIII Friends she used to Pray for I Subjoyn to the Precedent an Account of another Paper which as the last abovenamed I found in a distinct Sheet with this Title A Catalogue of Christian Friends whom I desire in a peculiar manner to present in my poor Prayers to God at the Throne of his Grace and that God would doe for them for Soul and Body above what I can ask Then follows this Prayer GRacious God thou hast commanded to Pray for all Men but especially for the Houshold of Faith Lord thou never saidst Seek my Face in vain but hast with great Condescention and Encouragement Invited thy People to make their Addresses to thee for themselves and others And hast joyned with the Command thy Promise to hear and grant agreeable to thy Will what is best for us Lord thou givest Liberally and dost not upbraid and wilt not send thy People away Empty seeing thou always hast it plentifully by thee I come unto thee in the Name and for the Sake and alone Righteousness Merits and Mediation of thy Son and my alone Saviour Jesus Christ in the behalf of my Self and Christian Friends Lord I beg of thee for thy Church and peculiar People and by name present before thee some known to me my Christian Friends them and their Joynt-Relations Good Lord shower down on them the Blessings of Prayer Gracious God I do beseech thee extend thy choicest Favours to my most near Relations my Dear Husband my Dear Grandson his Father and his Relations with my other near Relations Good Lord be very gracious to our Neighbouring Ministry Mr. Alchorne Mr. Hublon Mr. Loe Mr. Arrowsmith Doctor Fuller Mr. Siday with the rest Lord give them the Plentifull Encrease of their Labours the ingrafting many Souls into thy Kingdom And be very gracious to those who have known my Soul in Adversity and have been earnest Petitioners in my behalf at thy Throne of
Papers if desired which I omit at present for fear of swelling this into too great a Bulk though I am sure several of them equal or rather exceed any thing I have now Published of hers MARKS OF A Regenerate Estate I add this because it is concise and will not take up much Room or Time Giving her Children Directions how to examine and try the Estate of their Souls towards God DO you consent to the Law of God that it is true and Righteous Have you perceived your self Sentenced to Death by it being condemned and convinced of your natural undone Condition Have you seen the utter Insufficiency of every Creature either to be in its self your Happiness or the means of curing this your Misery and making you happy again in God Have you been convinced that your Happiness is only in God as the End and in Christ as the way to him and the End also as he is one with the Father and perceivest thou that thou must be brought to God by Christ or Eternally Perish Have you seen hereupon an absolute necessity of your enjoying Christ and the full sufficiency that is in him to do for you whatsoever your Condition requireth by reason of the fullness of his Satisfaction the greatness of his Power and Dignity of his Person and the freeness and Indefiniteness of his Promises Have you discovered the excellency of this Pearl to be worth the selling all to buy it Hath this been joined with some Sensibility as the Conviction of a Man that thirsteth of the worth of Drink and not been only a change in Opinion produced by Reading or Education as a bare notion in the Understanding Is there an abhorring of all Sin though your Flesh do tempt you to it Have both your Sin and Misery been a Burthen to your Soul and if you could not weep yet could you heartily groan under the unsupportable weight of both Have you renounced the hidden and unfruitfull works of Darkness having no fellowship with them but with Courage and Zeal for God reprove them Do you labour to be Holy in all parts of your Conversation watching over your ways at all times and in all Companies Do you make Conscience of the least of God's Commands as well as the greatest avoiding idle Words and vain Jesting abhorring all reproachfull Speeches as well as violent Actions Do you love and esteem and labour for the powerfull Preaching of the Word above all Earthly Treasures Do you Honour and highly account of the truly Godly and delight in the Company of such as sincerely fear God above all others esteeming them the excellent of the Earth Are you carefull of the Sanctification of the Sabbath neither daring to violate that Holy Rest by Labour nor to neglect the Holy Duties belonging to God's Service publick or private Do you not love the World neither the things of the World but heartily desire and love the things that concern a better Life and so do in some measure love the Appearance of Jesus Christ Can you forgive your Enemies are you easily entreated desirous of Peace and to do good to them that despitefully use you Do you set up a daily course of serving God and that with your Family too if you have any and renouncing your own Righteousness trust only to the Merits of Jesus Christ Have you turned all your Idols out of your Heart so that the Creature hath no more the Sovereignty but is now a Servant to God and Jesus Christ Do you accept of Christ as your only Saviour and expect your Justification Recovery and Everlasting Happiness from him alone Do you also take him for your Lord and King and are his Laws the most powerfull Commanders of your Life and Soul Do his Laws prevail against the Commands of the Flesh of Satan and the greatest on Earth that shall countermand And against the greatest Interest of your Credit Profit Pleasure or Life so that your Conscience Soul Body Life is directly subject to Christ alone Hath he the Highest Room in your Heart and Affections so that though you cannot love him as you would yet nothing else is loved so much Have you made an Hearty Covenant with him and delivered up your self accordingly to him to be his for Ever without Reserve Do you take your self for his and not your own is it your utmost Care and watchfull Endeavour that you may be found faithfull in his Covenant and though you fall into Sin you would not renounce your Bargain nor change your Lord nor give up your self to any other Government for all the World And if this be truly your Case you are one of God's Children and People and as sure as God's Promises are true there is an happy and blessed Estate for you only see that you abide in Christ and continue to the End for if any draw back his Soul will have no pleasure in them Then she concludes with the Prayer set down above page 81. For the Right Honourable Isabella Countess of Radnor This was written to her Ladiship as a Consolatory Letter upon the surprizing Death of her dearly-beloved Daughter the Lady Essex Specot Ever Honoured good Madam I Do truly Sympathize with your Ladiship in your great Sorrows under God's afflicting Hand taking from your Ladiship a very dearly Beloved and desirable Child She was very deservedly so and to all acquainted with her she was a very sweet amicable Friend she lived very desired and she hath died lamented She was not affected with distant Pride a Spirit hated of God and all good People Dear Lady Essex She was of a sweet courteous affable disposition very winning in her loving condescention I am sensible of my own loss who had a share of her favour much more of your Ladiship 's to whom she was so near and dear Good Madam would I could help to alleviate your Sorrows I would put to my Shoulder to help bear your burthen which is to fulfill the Law of Christ But it is not in created Beings farther than God will use them Instrumentally But above in the great Creator in Him is all supply of Grace and Comfort God is a present help in the needfull time of trouble an approved Friend that will not fail you in what you go unto him for agreeable to his Will which assuredly is the best Therefore Good Madam retain kind thoughts of God he hath not cast away your Prayers nor rejected the Prayers of Friends for you though God did not see it good dear Lady Essex should stay longer with you in this World he hath done better for her and you God hath granted to a higher end he hath taken her to himself in Heaven from thence Good Madam you would not have her to return into a troublesom World it is fit to acquiesce in God's most wise Dispose He knew what was best for her and you and to keep silence before the Lord because he hath done it whatever second cause he might use as
as in her lay and holiness that she might see God Her life was the gainfull Trade to sell all to purchase the Pearl of invaluable price and buy that oil which might fill her vessel and feed her trimmed lamp to meet the bridegroom of her Soul Her life was to be so employed that when her Lord came he might say to her Well done good and faithful servant enter thou into thy master's joy In a word her life was to live Holily that she might die Happily like Enoch to walk with God that he might take her to abide in Christ and in her measure to walk as he also walked to promote God's Interest in this World that in the next she might be ever with the Lord. But this is to affirm not to prove and though I comfortably know all this to be most true that 's no Conviction to the incredulous World I must therefore and God assisting shall produce my vouchers to satisfie others and to excite them and assist them to be like her And a brief method occurs to my thoughts to accomplish this also for our whole Life being Epitomized into twenty four Hours distinguished into Light and Darkness Day and Night of which the longest Life is but a repetition or at most into a Week dividing its days betwixt God and our selves what he allows us and what he reserves to himself And at utmost into a Year with what may occur in such a compass comprehending Heat and Cold Summer and Winter and vicissitudes of Seasons which begin and end and begin and end again and circulate over and over till Breath and Time both cease together To describe one Day one Week one Year of her Life who was so constant even steady in her course I mean in kind and substance not in degrees and measures for she grew in Grace went from strength to strength exceeding her self forgetting what was behind were in some sort to describe her Life in Epitome The following Day being parallel to that which went before and the succeeding Week the copy of the precedent only fairer written and the like of Years SECT V. How she spent a Day I Shall therefore first faithfully relate how she spent a Day that is every Day She always rose early and lived with the least sleep I ever knew or heard of any Her long and frequent weeping and sleepless months in the Agonies of her Temptation had made it easie to her to be satisfied with little Rest But after she had ceased from Child-bearing she constantly rose at four a Clock Winter and Summer I say constantly when in Health yea sometimes when under Indisposition When I say constantly I do not deny but sometimes she might be prevailed with to lie till Six or after but then she at other times much oftner rose by Three yea two in the Morning which much more than equalled the account to say every day at Four And yet her Heart was always up before her when she awaked she was still with God darting up Prayers and Praises to him who giveth his Beloved sleep I confess I have oft kindly argued the case with her to dissuade her fearing it would prejudice her Health urging that Mercy was required more than Sacrifice that overdoing was undoing and it might turn to disadvantage then she would reply Good my Dear grant me my liberty 't is the pleasure of my Life when all is still and quiet no disturbance or interruption but a calm Serenity and silent Stilness to enjoy my self and when I have told her she shamed and by her Practice upbraided my Sloth who slept much longer she would answer Thy Constitution will not bear it and thou hast nothing to divert thee but mayest be alone all day in thy Study but my Family-Imployment and Inspection requires my care and attendance and if I lose my Morning and break my measures it renders me uneasie and puts me into an huddle all the Day When she had slightly slipt on her Cloaths she would go softly into the Chamber which she called the Chamber of her choise Mercies and beloved retirement and without calling of a Servant kindle her own Fire having Charcoal or Dry-wood laid ready and so she spent two hours at least with God and then at Six or after would she call her Maids and duly hear one or both read a Chapter then sit and read her self till the Servants had had what was fit for them which she despised not to do to keep all in good order Then would she inspect the ordering her Dairy and put her humble hands to some part of the work then direct prudently and plentifully for our own Table and the Servants and afterwards dress herself decently with small expence of time then read or work with her Needle till Family-Prayer when she would have all day-labourers about the House called in And if any took their work by the great not for day wages whose time was their own not ours she would out of her own allowance or the Box I hope that Phrase is not unintelligible to many Families if it be St. Paul's Expression of laying by as God hath prosper'd them may help them to understand it give them a Penny a day as much as she thought they might have earned in the time of Family Duty that they might not be robbed of their time God hating Robbery for an Offering nor grudge or come unwillingly when called in and the like satisfaction would she make them if she gave them any diversion from the work they took by the Great as our common Phrase is without the least incroachment on their time under pretence of the advantages the Family afforded them At Dinner which was the only set Meal she ordinarily made she would hardly be prevailed with to drink more than one glass of Wine or Sider and never any Ale or strong Beer and eat moderately In the Afternoon if there were any Neighbours sick she would visit them and call on every poor Neighbour nigh going or coming to counsel or encourage them and as the Season of the Year required prepare Medicines for the Family the Poor and Neighbourhood distilled Waters Syrups Oils Ointments Salves c. or distribute them out or apply them to those who needed and for the rest work with her Needle read good Books and order Family concerns but chiefly the Education of her Children of which more fully afterwards About Five she retired to her private Devotions and they finished came to me and brought the Children with her whilst we had them to be seriously exhorted and counselled alone and then to Pray in secret for the happy success of which good Custom I have as much cause to bless God and do it most heartily as for any circumstance of my Life and if any will deride and scorn it I can say with Job Mock on If idle diversions yield them more comfort I envy not their choice much good may it doe them I learnt this Practice by
put forth her utmost Ability and Strength in assisting the Sick and Infirm not the meanest Neighbour whom she would not visit and help in such Circumstances administer to them what in her Judgment she thought most proper for them and not only direct how to use what she brought them but stay with them or come again to see the Operation or Success and she confined not this Kindness to the limits of the Parish but would extend it to some distance I will take the freedom to give one Instance because the Reverend Person for and to whom she performed it in thankfull Acknowledgment ever after used both while she lived and since she dyed to call her his Nurse A Neigbouring Minister having a long and dangerous Sickness when upon a Visit made him she took notice that as she feared he wanted Persons of Experience about him having before lost his Wife and his Physicians by reason of distance could not be long or often with him she daily went to him for many days at near two Miles distance and staid with him most part of the Days I affirm not that she watched with him any Night but I am sure she hath done so elsewhere and perfectly remember when and where because it hath slipped my Memory and though she was so modest as not to assume much to herself I have heard her say She thought God made her Instrumental not only to the speedier recovery of his Health but preservation of his Life Another object of her Painfull Charity which I the rather name because our Litany expresly reckons it amongst the objects of our devoutest Prayers was Women Labouring with Child whom she would rise at any hour of the Night to go too and carry with her what might be usefull to them having good Skill and store of Medicines always ready by her for such occasions and there was scarcely ever any difficulty in that case round about but recourse was made to her both for Advice and Medicines and if might be with Convenience for her Presence which was always very acceptable and comfortable to the distressed Women when the distance was such that she could afford it I might write well near as much of her forgiving as her giving Charity for though the objects and occasions of exercising this Grace were not so many and so frequent as those of the other yet what they wanted in number was made up abundantly in Weight and Measure under which pressures and provocations she behaved herself as became the Daughter of him who was Dumb before the Shearers and opened not his Mouth She would not recompence Evil for Evil nor answer reviling with reviling but committed her Cause to him who Judgeth Righteously knowing it was for his sake she was so despitefully used and thought it not strange that seeing the Master of the House was called Beelzebub those of his Houshold should â—e called so too She had well studied our Saviour's Sermon on the Mount and considered that Passage especially for she reckons the Practice of that Lesson amongst the signs of a Regenerate State St. Matth. 5.44 I say to you Love your Enemies Bless them that Curse you Do good to them that hate you Pray for them that despitefully use you and Persecute you that â—e may be the Children of your Father which is in Heaven And to confess her Weakness I am perswaded she thought it as true a sign of a sincere Christian to love an Enemy though a bad Man for the natural Image of God remaining in him as some do to hate a Friend though a good Man for the renewed Image of God which appears in him If her Opinion be an Errour I hope it is on the Right-hand and so may escape being reputed an Heresie But I remember I am writing of Forgiving Charity and I would not give occasion to start such a Question as I once heard started by a Gentleman after a lashing Sermon Preached on a Text of Mercy He said in Droll 'T was a Sermon of Mercy but the question is whether it were a Mercifull Sermon Sed motos praestat componere fluctus Peace and be still unruly Passions What hath added to her Crown oâ— Glory as I am confident her Carriage in such rancounters did should be taken by thâ— better Handle esteemed favours for the Issueâ— rather than injuries for the Design When Beeâ— fight the throwing dust upon them it is said will puiet them She is dead and her Dusâ— shall for ever extinguish all Resentments and let them be buried in an Eternal Amnestry Had she lived or I wrote of her in another Age one thing more might have been added to the List of or brought up the Rear of her Charity that is the temper of her Mind and Carriage towards those who were not altogether of her Size and Dimensions nor cast exactly in her Mould I confess she was one of the old-fashion'd Christians who thought her Heavenly Father's Example an Authentick Warrant for her Imitation of whom whosoever feareth God and working Righteousness is accepted And though Vertues and Vices change their names and grow unmodish and obsolete like Garbs and Words yet old Wine relished best to her Pallate which so many spit out as soon as taste and cry it is vapid or eager Some perhaps may wonder that so wise a Man as St. Paul should not only allow Moderation to be commendable but enjoyn it as a Duty and press it by the Medium of the Day of the Lord drawing near Let you Moderation be known unto all Men the Lord is at hand When now his coming is sixteen hundred Years nearer most Men are as many Miles more distant from Moderation than when he wrote But I must acknowledge how much soever it may lessen her in the Esteem of any that she had a Latitude not in her Conversation for she always walked in the Narrow Way in her Judgment about little indifferent Matters Oh how Diametrically opposite are some in both She observed there were Men of all Complexions and Blacks and Tawnys as well as Whites were Descendants of the first Adam and so she hoped those of different Perswasions might be ingrafted into the Second Adam and therefore thought Job's Words Canonical to this Day Why Persecute we him seeing the Root of the Matter is found in him She did not think all that in a few things dissented from the Communion in which she lived such rank Heathens that if she heard a Man name them without setting a stigmatizing Brand upon them like the bigotted Jews of St. Paul upon the meer naming of the Gentiles Acts 22.22 She should cry out Away with such a Fellow from the Earth for it is not fit that he should Live It is a true and weighty Saying worthy our Remembrance and Imitation That the prime Object of God's Love is his Dear Son and next to that the Image of his Son where-ever he finds it And she wrote after this Copy she loved the Lord
most afflicted Condition with them Good Madam they teaching you you may by the Art of Divine Chimistry extract and draw from Afflictions the refreshing Cordials of the Love of God by his sweet composure of them in his Love and Faithfullness to you you may get from the most unpleasant bitter Potion a healing Medicine you may get Meat out of the Eater God will make all subservient to his People though in their own nature contrary like Elisha's Ravens which were Birds of prey to bring the Prophet bread and meat By the over-ruling goodness of God Afflictions bring God's Children meat to eat the World knows not of and those Afflictions that look most terrible and most affrighting great in Stature like unto the Philistine's Champion that did so terrifie the Israelites Good Madam You may as David did overcome with that smooth white Stone St John speaks of wherein is that new name written which none can read but they that have it In that Stone it is written Be of good chear your Sins are forgiven It was the Custom of the Romans to which St. John alludes they gave a white Stone to those their Law acquitted and a black Stone to those their Law condemned this white Stone St. John speaks of is that Stone cut out of the mountain without hands Christ Jesus Good Madam On this Rock you may build safe and sure that if the boisterous Winds of Affliction beat vehemently upon you you may be able to stand in the day of your Visitation If God should suffer Afflictions like unto St. Paul's which he call'd Deaths oft they may be to you as they were to him they were lifts unto his greater degrees of Glory which made him to call them Light Afflictions that lasted but for a moment and that they shall work for God's People an exceeding and eternal weight of Glory Good Madam As the Afflictions of this Life shall not last long so the Prosperity of this World is but short also they are but Pageantry Delights that pass away and leave Dissatisfaction behind them but God would not have his Peoples Spirits always flag they have their intervals in the day of Prosperity to rejoyce but in the day of Adversity to consider God having set the one over against the other and both on the Wing of Time which many drive away not considering a dependant Life which of it self flies away so fast the things of this World and Life also they do make haste to give up their Accompts to God for a short work will the Lord make on the Earth and finish his Work in Righteousness He will say to the North Give up and to the South keep not back bring my Sons from far and my Daughters from the ends of the Earth and all shall as faithfull Depositors restore to God yea every one shall give an account of himself to God and if God suddenly call for them they hasten their speed and swiftly fly away as an Eagle towards Heaven Good Madam You have experienced it dear Lady Essex she hath taken her flight from all mutations of this Life and is gone to God whose she was that lent her you but for a time She is not lost but restored again where she is in an unalterable and happy Estate Good Madam What cause of complaint Do not account her gain your loss the most and best she could have enjoy'd of the Blessings of this Life Relations Friends Pleasures Riches all promised well in her Marriage but all uncertain but is now in a fixt uninterruptable more blessed Condition to which nothing in this World hath any proportion and the most splendid things of this Life comparatively are but shining Glow-worms which must have the advantage of the disappearing Sun for their glimmering Beauty Who would chuse Candle-light rather than the clear light of the bright Sun Dear Lady Essex she hath the sweet smiles of God's reconciled Face which shine on her by the Sun of Righteousness Christ Jesus the Bridegroom of her Soul and is with her best Relations God and Angels and is one of that blessed number of his Triumphant Saints made perfect in endless Glory never more to die She hath passed the dark Valley and is got safe to her Inheritance in the highest Heavens purchased for her by an invaluable Price bought for her by her best Beloved Jesus Christ Good Madam Why do you greive You would not have her back again into a Sin-defiling-World where the happiest Estate or condition is intermix'd with intervening troubles accompanied with sorrows which would have been as jointly yours as hers from which God hath freed you both Good Madam Believe God means you no ill he doth sometimes by one great Affliction free his People from many that might be greater than that which God onely can foresee sometimes a large Orifice effects the perfectest Cure and the bitterest Potion the best Health Good Madam chearfully take the Cup your heavenly Father hath put into your Hand of this relation you can receive no hurt Christ hath told his People That through many tribulations they shall enter into the Kingdom of Heaven be not afraid of your way it is no untrodden path the best of Men have gone that way God hath one Son without sin none without suffering If Suffering abound your Consolation shall superabound that being made Conformable by suffering you may be more fitted for greater degrees of Glory Good Madam If God sees fit to lengthen out your Days it is to give you more work to exercise those Gifts he hath given you to improve for his use and your own advantage your Love Patience and Submission to him with the rest of the Graces of his Spirit he hath bestowed on you let them have their perfect Work and be not grieved that he hath given dear Lady Essex a less task than your self Good Madam Run with patience the race that is set before you finishing your work in well-doing unto which God will afford you his assisting Grace God will not deal with you as Pharaoh's Task-Masters over the Children of Israel they would give no straw and yet required the full tale of brick God will afford you his strength and extricate your difficulties his Providences shall comply with you and his Grace assist you in your hardest work he will put to his helping hand God will order the whole Series and Frame of this World for his Peoples best advantage then when all have acted a part God will take down the Stage of this World by the hand of undistinguishable Eternity Then Good Madam a past Errour cannot be retrieved when Time and Place in this World is taken away A little while the longest Life is so but he will come and will not tarry when his Peoples work is done he will bring his reward with him and acquit them from all the troubles of this Life and receive them where there is no pricking Briar nor grieving Thorn Sin Sorrow and Sighing shall flee
God with humble earnest Supplication which may help ward off the Blow which may fall heavy on the Churches God will set his Mark on the Mourners in Zion and will hide them in the Day of his fierce Anger that the destroying Angel shall not hurt them I have much wondred at the diverting of Judgments but I fear the longer God bears with and the higher his Hand is lifted up the more weighty will it be when it falls But to withhold it Pray Pray the fervent Prayer of the Righteous prevails much oft puts God to a Mercifull Retreat when in his provoked Anger he is going forth against a Nation or People Oh! but they must be clean Hands that lay hold on him that is of purer Eyes than to behold Iniquity Good Mr. Ph. beware of warping from the streight Rule of God's Word by which every Man's Work must be tried it will be your best Preservation in Evil times if God should call you out to bear Witness to his Truth which to decline may cause God to lead you forth with the workers of Iniquity therefore the Psalmist Prays that Integrity and Vprightness may preserve him the Vpright are God's Delight I remember the Inscription on Abraham's Shield was Vprightness to which was annexed against all Fears that might shake his Faith God that can compensate and make up all that his People can lose or suffer for him in this World promised that he would not only be his Shield but his exceeding great Reward which Promise Moses eyed on good Consideration making the best choice to acquit Courtly Pleasures and Preferments he well knew they would last but for a short Season he took his Happy Lot with God's People to suffer Affliction rather than Sin Happy he though he passed through a barren Wilderness in which God often proves his People whether they will be content to wave the things of this Life to possess a better Inheritance than an Earthly Canaan those durable Riches prepared for those who are accounted Worthy of which Blessed Number good Lord grant good Mr. Ph. you may be found Then after twenty Lines of a Business which concerned himself written with much Wisdom Kindness and Faithfulness which I pass over She proceeds I am sure I do heartily desire your Welfare in this Life and Godliness being sought in the first place the good things of this World as may be good for you may be added to you The Promises are conditional 't is a hard thing to be a good Christian not easie to be a good Minister which not to be are the worst of Men and will find the severest Account for their own and others Souls over whom God hath placed them Watchmen and Over-seers of the Flock of Christ for which Work I am persuaded the Grace of God bestowed upon you shall not be in vain My Friend excuse this Freedom I have used to you from Plenary Affection I confess it Impertinent to suggest to you who are so much more knowing and conversant with Books especially that which excells all others the Holy Scriptures from which you may be furnished to every good Work for Doctrine and Life I have sent you a Book more worthy your acceptance for the Author's sake than mine I commend him to you as a Pattern of a strict holy Life so conformable to our Saviour's he was always doing good read look on him and doe likewise I am sensible of the Trouble given you by a long Letter therefore no more but to subscribe my self as indeed I am good Mr. Ph. Your truly Loving and Affectionate Friend Elizabeth Walker Sept. 19. -- 83. A Second Letter to the same Person Of which I will omit much to prevent being tedious and I fear this concluding Paragraph may seem too long My good Friend Mr. Ph. I Truly would as may be acceptable and my capacity reach not be wanting in real Friendship the like very gratefull to me The reminds of a future Estate which is the greatest concern we have to mind in this Life which if neglected the Errour cannot be retrieved Oh how vigilant should I be my Enemy is so One Soul is more worth in the Estimation of our Saviour than the whole World the price hath made the purchase so Oh! that I could better improve my little remaining time the Talent my Lord hath intrusted me with that I may not be idle or worse found in the works of darkness He that had least was accountable therefore shall not I be excusable from my little measure As the Eyes of Servants are to their Masters for their Work as well as Wages so must mine be to him for his Assistance and Help that of his own he may receive But where God gives much he requires the more Good Mr. Ph. God hath committed to your trust more than to a private Capacity in Abilities and Advantages placed you a Steward over his Houshold you are strictly required to be Faithfull Be so that God may reward and crown your Labours in his Service with that that far excells the fading Diadems of this World which puts a Lye in our right-hand promiseth its prostitutes more than it hath to give Be not deceived it is Vanity and Lyes your Work is Wages It was our Saviour's Meat and Drink He told his Disciples so when he was about his Father's Work not only in his publick Ministry in which he was constant but also as a pattern left you He was always doing good Though he met with hard and rough usage from Men expect the like it is no untrodden Path but for Encouragement if for Righteousness sake Your's is the Kingdom of Heaven What can be given in Exchange The more you doe or suffer the greater your reward The Blessings of this Life are not excluded let God's Work have the preheminence the first place in your Heart and Practice and as may be good for you they shall be added to you I observe from the last Chapter of Saint John our Saviour's great care for his Disciples at his parting with them As they lacked nothing whilst he was with them as themselves on that question had confest so then our Saviour to strengthen their Faith in their Dependence on him he before had promised to be with them to the end of the World and rather than they should want our Saviour works a Miracle but with the provision he gives but one single Invitation Come and dine as if he would intimate he had greater things to bestow on them more than the Meat that perisheth the Bread of eternal Life and as they had freely received so he would have them freely give For which purpose our Saviour singles out Peter not so much to mind him of a former unkindness but more earnestly to engage his watchfull diligence for the future Peter not as exclusive of the rest but he as a representative of the rest our Saviour instead of one Invitation to dine adds a threefold Injunction to feed his