so_o hard_o that_o his_o affliction_n be_v very_o great_a i_o tell_v he_o once_o upon_o this_o occasion_n that_o since_o he_o have_v be_v so_o devote_a to_o that_o mystery_n when_o our_o lord_n carry_v his_o cross_n upon_o his_o back_n he_o may_v do_v well_o to_o conceive_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v he_o a_o feeling_n of_o some_o part_n of_o that_o which_o himself_o have_v undergo_v with_o so_o much_o trouble_v and_o my_o father_n be_v so_o comfort_v by_o this_o thought_n that_o i_o remember_v he_o not_o to_o have_v ever_o complain_v more_o he_o remain_v three_o day_n with_o very_o little_a show_n of_o understanding_n but_o yet_o the_o day_n whereon_o he_o die_v our_o lord_n restore_v it_o to_o he_o &_o that_o so_o entire_o as_o we_o be_v all_o even_o amaze_v to_o see_v it_o and_o he_o continue_v in_o it_o say_v the_o creed_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o he_o have_v pass_v through_o the_o first_o part_n thereof_o he_o expire_v when_o he_o be_v dead_a he_o look_v even_o like_o a_o angel_n and_o as_o such_o in_o manner_n of_o speech_n he_o ever_o seem_v in_o my_o sight_n to_o be_v both_o in_o soul_n and_o disposition_n or_o humour_n which_o he_o have_v extreme_o good_a nor_o do_v i_o know_v why_o i_o have_v speak_v thus_o much_o of_o he_o unless_o it_o be_v to_o confess_v and_o accuse_v my_o own_o wickedness_n so_o much_o the_o more_o since_o upon_o the_o sight_n of_o such_o a_o death_n and_o the_o knowledge_n of_o such_o a_o life_n i_o ought_v to_o have_v amend_v and_o reform_v i_o if_o it_o have_v be_v but_o to_o grow_v the_o like_a to_o such_o a_o father_n his_o confessarius_fw-la who_o be_v a_o dominican_n and_o a_o great_a learned_a man_n affirm_v that_o he_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o that_o my_o father_n will_v go_v straight_o to_o heaven_n for_o he_o who_o have_v confess_v he_o diverse_a year_n speak_v much_o of_o the_o great_a purity_n of_o his_o conscience_n this_o dominican_n father_n be_v a_o very_a worthy_a man_n and_o a_o true_a servant_n of_o god_n do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a for_o i_o confess_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o he_o undertake_v the_o profit_n of_o my_o soul_n with_o care_n and_o to_o make_v i_o well_o understand_v the_o way_n of_o perdition_n wherein_o i_o be_v walk_v he_o cause_v i_o also_o to_o communicate_v every_o fifteen_o day_n and_o begin_v first_o to_o treat_v with_o he_o by_o little_a and_o little_a i_o speak_v with_o he_o afterward_o at_o length_n about_o my_o prayer_n and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v not_o fail_v to_o use_v it_o and_o that_o it_o can_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n but_o do_v i_o good_a i_o begin_v therefore_o to_o use_v it_o again_o and_o from_o that_o time_n forward_o i_o never_o leave_v it_o though_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o for_o the_o present_a give-ove_a the_o occasion_n of_o my_o imperfection_n i_o therefore_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n pass_v a_o most_o sad_a life_n for_o in_o prayer_n i_o come_v to_o understand_v my_o fault_n on_o the_o one_o side_n i_o be_v call_v by_o almighty_a god_n and_o on_o the_o other_o i_o follow_v the_o world_n all_o those_o thing_n which_o belong_v to_o god_n give_v i_o great_a contentment_n but_o those_o thing_n which_o be_v of_o the_o world_n tie_v i_o up_o in_o chain_n and_o it_o seem_v i_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o make_v these_o two_o contraries_n friend_n which_o yet_o be_v so_o much_o in_o enmity_n with_o one_o another_o namely_o a_o spiritual_a life_n on_o the_o one_o side_n and_o sensual_a pastime_n contentment_n and_o delight_n on_o the_o other_o in_o my_o prayer_n i_o endure_v much_o trouble_n because_o now_o my_o spirit_n be_v grow_v to_o be_v no_o long_o a_o lord_n but_o a_o slave_n and_o therefore_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o shut_v myself_o up_o in_o my_o hart_n which_o be_v the_o only_o way_n of_o proceed_v i_o former_o have_v hold_v in_o my_o use_n of_o prayer_n without_o shut_v up_o a_o thousand_o vanity_n together_o with_o myself_o i_o pass_v so_o many_o year_n in_o this_o manner_n that_o now_o i_o be_o astonish_v to_o consider_v that_o any_o person_n shall_v be_v able_a to_o endure_v the_o not_o leave_v either_o the_o one_o or_o the_o other_o in_o so_o long_a a_o time_n i_o well_o know_v that_o now_o it_o be_v no_o long_o in_o my_o hand_n to_o give_v over_o mental_a prayer_n for_o he_o hold_v i_o now_o in_o his_o who_o resolve_v to_o do_v i_o great_a favour_n o_o that_o i_o can_v declare_v the_o occasion_n of_o do_v ill_a which_o god_n remove_v from_o i_o in_o those_o year_n and_o how_o i_o put_v myself_o again_o into_o they_o and_o of_o the_o danger_n wherein_o i_o be_v to_o loose_v all_o the_o opinion_n and_o reputation_n which_o i_o have_v in_o the_o world_n from_o which_o he_o free_v i_o and_o of_o the_o haste_n which_o i_o make_v to_o discover_v by_o my_o action_n what_o kind_n of_o creature_n i_o be_v and_o the_o haste_n which_o our_o lord_n make_v also_o to_o cover_v these_o fault_n and_o to_o discover_v some_o little_a virtue_n of_o i_o if_o there_o be_v any_o and_o to_o make_v the_o same_o seem_v great_a in_o the_o eye_n of_o all_o man_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o they_o ever_o hold_v i_o in_o much_o account_n for_o though_o sometime_o my_o vanity_n will_v shine_v through_o my_o action_n yet_o they_o see_v other_o thing_n in_o i_o which_o appear_v good_a will_v not_o believe_v the_o ill_a but_o the_o true_a cause_n hereof_o be_v that_o the_o knower_n of_o all_o thing_n see_v that_o this_o be_v fit_a to_o be_v so_o ordain_v to_o the_o end_n that_o when_o afterward_o i_o shall_v come_v to_o persuade_v the_o world_n to_o do_v he_o service_n they_o may_v give_v i_o some_o little_a credit_n therein_o and_o that_o sovereign_a bounty_n of_o god_n do_v not_o so_o much_o consider_v my_o great_a sin_n as_o it_o do_v those_o desire_n which_o i_o have_v sometime_o to_o serve_v he_o and_o the_o great_a trouble_n i_o feel_v in_o myself_o for_o want_v power_n and_o strength_n to_o put_v the_o same_o in_o execution_n but_o o_o thou_o lord_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o how_o shall_v i_o ever_o be_v able_a to_o express_v with_o fullness_n and_o clearness_n enough_o the_o favour_n which_o thou_o show_v i_o in_o those_o year_n and_o how_o in_o that_o very_a time_n when_o i_o be_v offend_v thou_o most_o thou_o make_v such_o haste_n to_o dispose_v my_o soul_n to_o a_o most_o profound_a remorse_n and_o sorrow_n that_o so_o i_o may_v come_v to_o taste_v of_o thy_o regalo_n and_o great_a favour_n again_o the_o truth_n be_v o_o my_o king_n that_o thou_o do_v use_v the_o most_o curious_a and_o choice_a kind_n of_o sharp_a punishment_n which_o can_v possible_o to_o my_o think_n be_v find_v for_o i_o as_o one_o who_o do_v well_o understand_v what_o be_v likely_a to_o cost_v i_o the_o dear_a of_o all_o other_o thing_n for_o thou_o do_v punish_v those_o sin_n of_o i_o with_o great_a regalo_n and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v no_o impertinency_n which_o i_o utter_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o reason_n that_o i_o shall_v now_o even_o as_o it_o be_v lose_v my_o wit_n whilst_o i_o renew_v the_o memory_n of_o my_o ingratitude_n and_o malice_n towards_o thou_o but_o real_o it_o be_v so_o much_o a_o more_o painful_a and_o insupportable_a kind_n of_o thing_n for_o i_o to_o receive_v such_o favour_n upon_o the_o very_a neck_n of_o my_o have_v fall_v into_o so_o great_a offence_n than_o it_o will_v have_v be_v to_o endure_v grievous_a punishment_n that_o some_o one_o of_o those_o say_a favour_n so_o receive_v seem_v clear_o and_o very_o certain_o to_o have_v even_o overwrought_a and_o defeat_v and_o confound_v i_o more_o than_o all_o my_o infirmity_n and_o torment_n and_o other_o affliction_n put_v together_o be_v ever_o able_a to_o do_v for_o as_o for_o these_o latter_a affliction_n i_o find_v that_o i_o deserve_v they_o well_o and_o i_o think_v they_o may_v go_v in_o part_n by_o way_n of_o satisfaction_n for_o my_o sin_n though_o yet_o even_o in_o that_o kind_n of_o account_n i_o know_v that_o my_o sufferance_n be_v few_o for_o my_o offence_n which_o be_v so_o many_o and_o so_o very_o great_a but_o now_o to_o see_v myself_o receive_v so_o fresh_o so_o high_a favour_n while_o yet_o the_o while_n i_o make_v so_o ill_a retribution_n for_o those_o which_o i_o have_v receive_v before_o be_v in_o my_o account_n a_o kind_n of_o most_o terrible_a torment_n and_o i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v esteem_v so_o by_o all_o such_o as_o have_v any_o knowledge_n or_o love_n of_o god_n and_o we_o may_v easy_o find_v this_o to_o be_v true_a even_o by_o the_o natural_a condition_n of_o person_n
and_o certain_o i_o will_v have_v suffer_v many_o year_n for_o the_o advantage_n and_o deliverance_n of_o a_o soul_n let_v our_o lord_n be_v praise_v for_o all_o for_o the_o prayer_n of_o such_o as_o serve_v he_o well_o can_v do_v much_o as_o i_o believe_v my_o sister_n do_v of_o this_o house_n but_o yet_o because_o i_o have_v be_v earnest_a in_o procure_v those_o prayer_n the_o devil_n will_v be_v more_o enrage_v against_o i_o then_o against_o other_o and_o our_o lord_n also_o permit_v that_o for_o my_o sin_n about_o this_o time_n also_o i_o once_o think_v that_o the_o devil_n will_v even_o have_v strangle_v i_o &_o it_o be_v by_o night_n but_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o have_v cause_v holie-water_n to_o be_v cast_v upon_o i_o i_o see_v a_o multitude_n of_o they_o run_v away_o as_o if_o they_o have_v be_v about_o to_o break_v their_o neck_n from_o some_o high_a rock_n and_o it_o be_v so_o frequent_a and_o familiar_a with_o i_o to_o be_v torment_v by_o these_o curse_a wretch_n and_o the_o fear_n which_o now_o i_o have_v of_o they_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v so_o very_o little_a by_o see_v that_o they_o be_v not_o so_o much_o as_o able_a to_o stir_v unless_o our_o bless_a lord_n give_v they_o leave_v that_o although_o it_o may_v be_v of_o comfort_n to_o myself_o yet_o i_o shall_v not_o fail_v to_o weary_v your_o reverence_n if_o i_o relate_v they_o but_o even_o that_o which_o be_v say_v already_o may_v serve_v to_o show_v that_o any_o true_a servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n may_v need_v to_o trouble_v themselves_o little_a at_o these_o idle_a fright_n and_o bugg-beares_a which_o the_o devil_n be_v wont_a to_o expose_v that_o so_o they_o may_v make_v we_o fear_v they_o and_o in_o fine_a let_v the_o world_n be_v sure_a that_o every_o time_n when_o we_o make_v they_o see_v that_o we_o despise_v they_o they_o will_v remain_v with_o so_o much_o the_o less_o strength_n after_o it_o and_o the_o soul_n as_o be_v a_o great_a princess_n than_o she_o be_v before_o will_v remain_v with_o so_o much_o more_o power_n and_o profit_n as_o i_o will_v not_o stand_v here_o to_o relate_v for_o fear_v of_o too_o much_o length_n but_o now_o i_o will_v only_o declare_v what_o happen_v to_o i_o once_o upon_o a_o all-soule_n day_n at_o night_n for_o be_v at_o that_o time_n in_o the_o oratory_n and_o have_v recite_v matin_n as_o also_o those_o so_o very_o devout_a prayer_n which_o be_v at_o the_o end_n thereof_o according_a to_o the_o breviarie_n the_o devil_n put_v himself_o upon_o the_o book_n to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v not_o finish_v the_o prayer_n but_o i_o bless_v myself_o with_o make_v the_o sign_n of_o the_o holy_a cross_n and_o so_o he_o go_v present_o away_o but_o i_o begin_v again_o he_o also_o return_v and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v no_o less_o that_o the_o like_v happen_v than_o three_o time_n and_o till_o i_o cast_v holie-water_n at_o he_o i_o can_v not_o make_v a_o end_n of_o the_o business_n but_o then_o i_o plain_o see_v that_o some_o soul_n go_v out_o of_o purgatory_n at_o the_o instant_n who_o belike_o want_v very_o little_a of_o their_o deliverance_n and_o perhaps_o the_o devil_n mean_v to_o divert_v it_o it_o be_v seldom_o that_o i_o have_v see_v the_o devil_n in_o any_o exact_a and_o particular_a form_n or_o figure_n but_o many_o time_n without_o form_n as_o i_o do_v the_o vision_n for_o a_o body_n see_v very_o clear_o that_o he_o be_v there_o as_o i_o have_v declare_v already_o and_o i_o will_v now_o relate_v this_o also_o because_o it_o amaze_v i_o very_o much_o be_v one_o day_n in_o a_o certain_a monastery_n and_o in_o the_o choir_n and_o upon_o the_o festivitie_n of_o the_o bless_a trinity_n i_o chance_v to_o be_v in_o rapt_v and_o i_o see_v a_o great_a contention_n and_o strife_n between_o angel_n and_o devil_n yet_o not_o know_v what_o that_o vision_n may_v mean_v but_o about_o some_o fifteen_o day_n before_o it_o be_v hear_v that_o a_o certain_a great_a disagreement_n have_v happen_v between_o some_o person_n who_o be_v of_o prayer_n and_o many_o other_o also_o who_o be_v not_o so_o &_o there_o come_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o harm_n to_o the_o place_n where_o this_o occur_v for_o the_o strife_n continue_v long_o and_o it_o breed_v a_o very_a great_a deal_n of_o disquiet_n another_o time_n i_o see_v a_o multitude_n of_o they_o all_o round_a about_o i_o but_o then_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v environ_v with_o a_o great_a kind_n of_o light_n which_o permit_v they_o not_o to_o approach_v and_o i_o understand_v thereby_o that_o our_o lord_n keep_v they_o off_o from_o come_v near_o i_o in_o any_o such_o sort_n as_o to_o make_v i_o offend_v his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o by_o that_o which_o i_o have_v find_v sometime_o in_o myself_o i_o conceive_v that_o it_o be_v a_o true_a vision_n the_o matter_n be_v that_o i_o now_o understand_v so_o very_o well_o how_o little_a power_n they_o have_v whensoever_o i_o go_v not_o against_o god_n that_o in_o effect_n i_o do_v not_o fear_v they_o at_o all_o for_o their_o strength_n be_v direct_o nothing_o unless_o they_o find_v the_o soul_n they_o set_v upon_o to_o be_v cowardly_a and_o yield_v to_o they_o but_o then_o indeed_o they_o show_v their_o power_n in_o some_o of_o those_o former_a temptation_n i_o think_v they_o employ_v themselves_o now_o and_o then_o upon_o awake_v and_o reviue_v in_o i_o the_o memory_n of_o all_o the_o frailty_n and_o vanity_n of_o my_o former_a time_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o i_o have_v good_a cause_n to_o recommend_v myself_o much_o to_o almighty_a god_n but_o this_o put_v i_o to_o very_o much_o pain_n by_o make_v it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o now_o it_o be_v all_o of_o the_o devil_n since_o those_o thought_n of_o i_o return_v till_o such_o time_n as_o my_o ghostly_a father_n put_v i_o in_o quiet_a for_o real_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o even_o the_o first_o motion_n of_o ill_a thought_n be_v not_o so_o much_o as_o to_o approach_v any_o such_o person_n as_o have_v receive_v so_o great_a favour_n of_o our_o b._n lord_n at_o other_o time_n it_o torment_v i_o much_o yea_o and_o even_o it_o torment_v i_o still_o to_o see_v that_o man_n shall_v hold_v i_o in_o so_o high_a account_n and_o especial_o that_o it_o shall_v be_v do_v by_o eminent_a person_n and_o that_o they_o shall_v speak_v so_o much_o good_a of_o i_o and_o in_o this_o i_o have_v suffer_v and_o still_o suffer_v much_o but_o i_o quick_o cast_v my_o thought_n upon_o the_o life_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n and_o his_o saint_n and_o i_o think_v i_o walk_v in_o a_o way_n which_o be_v very_o contrary_a to_o that_o of_o they_o for_o they_o aspire_v to_o nothing_o but_o to_o be_v subject_a to_o injury_n and_o contempt_n and_o this_o make_v i_o walk_v with_o such_o fear_n as_o that_o i_o even_o sarce_o dare_v hold_v up_o my_o head_n and_o will_v be_v glad_a to_o get_v myself_o out_o of_o sight_n which_o yet_o i_o never_o desire_v when_o i_o find_v myself_o subject_a to_o persecution_n for_o then_o my_o soul_n carry_v herself_o like_o a_o great_a lady_n whatsoever_o the_o body_n may_v feel_v i_o know_v not_o how_o these_o thing_n can_v stand_v but_o yet_o they_o pass_v in_o such_o sort_n that_o the_o soul_n seem_v then_o to_o be_v as_o in_o her_o kingdom_n and_o that_o she_o tread_v and_o trample_v all_o thing_n under_o her_o foot_n this_o occur_v to_o i_o several_a time_n and_o the_o same_o continue_v long_o and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v virtue_n and_o humility_n but_o now_o i_o see_v plain_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v a_o temptation_n and_o a_o dominican_n father_n a_o learned_a man_n declare_v it_o to_o i_o very_o well_o when_o i_o conceive_v that_o these_o favour_n which_o our_o b._n lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o will_v grow_v to_o be_v public_o know_v it_o be_v of_o so_o excessive_a a_o torment_n to_o i_o that_o it_o extreme_o disquiet_v my_o soul_n and_o it_o come_v at_o length_n to_o that_o pass_v that_o whilst_o i_o be_v consider_v the_o same_o i_o can_v more_o willing_o have_v be_v content_v to_o be_v bury_v 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of_o the_o mind_n and_o not_o suffer_v it_o to_o pass_v on_o and_o out_o so_o far_o like_o some_o pot_n comparison_n which_o do_v first_o so_o boil_v up_o and_o then_o so_o boile-ove_a as_o that_o the_o broth_n or_o water_n be_v quite_o spend_v and_o lose_v because_o no_o discretion_n be_v use_v in_o the_o quantity_n of_o wood_n or_o coal_n which_o be_v put_v under_o it_o and_o thus_o let_v they_o procure_v to_o appease_v and_o slake_v the_o flame_n which_o be_v feed_v by_o that_o vehement_a fire_n with_o sweet_a and_o gentle_a tear_n but_o not_o with_o such_o as_o be_v force_v or_o painful_a as_o they_o be_v wont_n to_o be_v which_o proceed_v from_o such_o a_o vehement_a kind_n of_o sense_n as_o i_o have_v former_o express_v for_o such_o be_v wont_a to_o be_v of_o very_o great_a inconvenience_n to_o the_o party_n myself_o use_v to_o have_v such_o as_o these_o in_o my_o beginning_n and_o they_o will_v ever_o leaué_fw-fr my_o head_n in_o such_o disorder_n and_o my_o spirit_n in_o such_o 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that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v with_o myself_o o_o that_o we_o will_v look_v with_o attention_n upon_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n for_o every_o body_n will_v then_o be_v quick_o able_a to_o find_v by_o experience_n how_o little_a he_o be_v to_o lodge_v either_o his_o contentment_n or_o discontentment_n upon_o it_o it_o be_v most_o certain_a in_o my_o opinion_n that_o this_o be_v one_o of_o the_o feirce_v kind_n of_o fit_n of_o affliction_n that_o ever_o i_o have_v endure_v in_o my_o whole_a life_n and_o it_o seem_v as_o if_o my_o very_a spirit_n have_v half_o prophesy_v how_o much_o do_v still_o rest_v behind_o to_o be_v endure_v though_o yet_o that_o arrive_v not_o so_o far_o as_o this_o if_o it_o have_v continue_v but_o now_o our_o bless_a lord_n do_v not_o permit_v this_o poor_a servant_n of_o he_o to_o suffer_v long_o nor_o do_v he_o ever_o fail_v to_o succour_v i_o in_o my_o tribulation_n nor_o do_v he_o also_o in_o this_o for_o now_o he_o give_v i_o a_o little_a 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majesty_n or_o yet_o against_o the_o order_n i_o conceive_v not_o that_o i_o have_v offend_v but_o rather_o have_v endeavour_v to_o augment_v it_o to_o the_o uttermost_a of_o my_o power_n and_o will_v be_v glad_a with_o my_o whole_a hart_n to_o die_v for_o it_o for_o all_o my_o desire_n be_v that_o it_o may_v be_v fulfil_v according_a to_o the_o uttermost_a perfection_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o call_v to_o mind_v the_o sentence_n which_o be_v pass_v upon_o christ_n our_o lord_n and_o i_o acknowledge_v what_o a_o nothing_o this_o be_v
vow_n of_o his_o profession_n the_o bull_n grant_v in_o favour_n of_o his_o order_n have_v avail_v he_o towards_o his_o escape_n of_o purgatory_n now_o i_o know_v not_o why_o this_o be_v give_v to_o be_v understand_v by_o i_o but_o i_o think_v it_o may_v be_v very_o well_o to_o make_v i_o know_v that_o a_o man_n be_v a_o religious_a man_n do_v not_o consist_v only_o in_o his_o habit_n i_o mean_v not_o in_o the_o only_o wear_v it_o as_o if_o that_o very_a thing_n do_v endue_v he_o with_o more_o perfection_n i_o will_v now_o relate_v no_o more_o of_o these_o thing_n for_o there_o be_v no_o great_a cause_n why_o i_o shall_v though_o yet_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v do_v i_o the_o favour_n to_o show_v i_o very_o many_a but_o among_o all_o those_o soul_n which_o i_o have_v see_v i_o have_v not_o understand_v of_o any_o one_o which_o escape_v the_o go_v at_o all_o into_o purgatory_n but_o only_o this_o last_o father_n and_o that_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n and_o that_o dominican_n father_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o our_o lord_n have_v also_o be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v the_o several_a degree_n which_o they_o have_v of_o glory_n by_o represent_v the_o place_n to_o i_o wherein_o they_o be_v and_o i_o find_v that_o there_o be_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o difference_n between_o some_o and_o other_o the_o nine_o and_o their_o tieth_n chapter_n she_o proceed_v in_o the_o same_o subject_n of_o show_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v she_o and_o she_o declare_v how_o he_o be_v please_v to_o promise_v his_o favour_n to_o they_o for_o who_o she_o shall_v beg_v it_o and_o she_o relate_v some_o important_a particular_n wherein_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v do_v her_o particular_a favour_n of_o this_o kind_n be_v once_o very_o importunate_a with_o our_o bless_a lord_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o give_v sight_n to_o a_o certain_a person_n to_o who_o i_o have_v obligation_n and_o who_o be_v almost_o grow_v to_o be_v utter_o blind_a i_o have_v much_o compassion_n on_o he_o and_o i_o fear_v lest_o our_o lord_n will_v not_o hear_v i_o in_o regard_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o yet_o he_o appear_v to_o i_o then_o as_o he_o have_v also_o do_v at_o other_o time_n and_o begin_v to_o show_v i_o the_o wound_n of_o his_o left_a hand_n and_o with_o his_o right_a hand_n he_o draw_v out_o the_o great_a nail_n which_o have_v be_v thrust_v into_o it_o and_o i_o thought_n that_o some_o of_o the_o very_a flesh_n come_v out_o with_o the_o nail_n i_o see_v well_o how_o great_a pain_n it_o do_v import_v and_o it_o afflict_v i_o much_o but_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o since_o he_o have_v endure_v so_o much_o for_o my_o sake_n i_o shall_v not_o doubt_v but_o that_o he_o will_v more_o easy_o be_v draw_v to_o harken_v to_o this_o suit_n of_o i_o and_o so_o he_o promise_v that_o he_o will_v grant_v whatsoever_o i_o shall_v desire_v but_o he_o know_v very_o well_o already_o that_o i_o will_v beg_v nothing_o of_o he_o but_o only_o to_o his_o own_o honour_n and_o glory_n and_o that_o i_o make_v this_o present_a suit_n under_o that_o condition_n he_o will_v i_o also_o to_o remember_v and_o consider_v that_o even_o when_o i_o do_v he_o not_o true_a service_n i_o have_v not_o desire_v any_o thing_n of_o he_o which_o he_o have_v not_o grant_v even_o better_o than_o myself_o have_v desire_v and_o therefore_o how_o much_o more_o will_v he_o be_v sure_a enough_o to_o do_v it_o now_o when_o he_o know_v i_o love_v he_o and_o therefore_o that_o i_o shall_v banish_v all_o doubt_n and_o i_o think_v eight_o day_n do_v not_o pass_v but_o that_o our_o lord_n restore_v sight_n to_o that_o person_n and_o this_o be_v present_o know_v by_o my_o ghostly_a father_n now_o peradventure_o as_o i_o think_v at_o first_o this_o do_v not_o happen_v by_o mean_n of_o any_o prayer_n of_o i_o though_o yet_o since_o i_o see_v this_o vision_n i_o have_v remain_v with_o some_o little_a certainty_n that_o the_o thing_n be_v do_v by_o the_o favour_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o i_o and_o according_o i_o have_v present_v he_o with_o my_o thanks_n another_o time_n there_o be_v a_o person_n sick_a of_o a_o very_a painful_a infirmity_n which_o because_o it_o be_v of_o a_o odd_a condition_n and_o way_n i_o forbear_v to_o particularize_v it_o here_o but_o it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o insupportable_a thing_n and_o he_o have_v be_v trouble_v with_o it_o two_o month_n but_o he_o endure_v a_o torment_n by_o it_o which_o do_v even_o tear_v he_o in_o piece_n now_o my_o ghostly_a father_n go_v to_o visit_v he_o and_o that_o be_v the_o rectour_n of_o the_o college_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v and_o he_o have_v great_a compassion_n of_o the_o man_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o in_o any_o case_n i_o must_v also_o go_v &_o give_v he_o a_o visit_n for_o that_o he_o be_v a_o person_n to_o who_o i_o may_v handsome_o do_v it_o in_o regard_n that_o he_o be_v my_o kinsman_n i_o go_v and_o have_v so_o much_o pity_n of_o he_o that_o i_o begin_v to_o beg_v his_o health_n of_o our_o lord_n after_o a_o very_a importunate_a manner_n and_o in_o this_o i_o see_v clear_o by_o the_o very_a uttermost_a of_o what_o i_o be_o able_a to_o imagine_v how_o much_o favour_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o therein_o for_o instant_o upon_o the_o very_a next_o day_n he_o be_v absolute_o well_o i_o be_v once_o in_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o trouble_n because_o i_o come_v to_o know_v that_o a_o certain_a person_n to_o who_o i_o be_v much_o oblige_v be_v resolve_v to_o do_v a_o thing_n which_o be_v great_o against_o the_o honour_n both_o of_o almighty_a god_n and_o himself_o and_o yet_o he_o be_v very_o much_o bend_v to_o do_v the_o thing_n now_o my_o trouble_n for_o this_o be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o find_v remedy_n and_o mean_n to_o make_v he_o leave_v it_o and_o indeed_o it_o rather_o seem_v that_o there_o be_v none_o but_o then_o i_o beseech_v almighty_a god_n and_o that_o with_o my_o whole_a hart_n that_o he_o will_v help_v we_o and_o till_o i_o can_v find_v it_o do_v i_o shall_v be_v in_o pain_n be_v therefore_o now_o in_o this_o case_n i_o go_v to_o a_o certain_a oratory_n a_o little_a remore_n from_o where_o i_o be_v for_o there_o be_v diverse_a such_o in_o this_o monastery_n and_o find_v a_o picture_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n as_o he_o be_v bind_v to_o the_o pillar_n i_o humble_o beg_v of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o do_v i_o that_o favour_n and_o present_o i_o hear_v one_o speak_v to_o i_o in_o a_o most_o sweet_a voice_n but_o it_o be_v frame_v as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v in_o the_o manner_n of_o whistle_v for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v all_o in_o a_o fright_n and_o the_o very_a hair_n of_o my_o head_n stand_v a_o end_n and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o hear_v what_o it_o say_v to_o i_o but_o when_o once_o my_o fear_n be_v go_v which_o be_v also_o quick_o i_o remain_v with_o rest_n and_o joy_n and_o so_o great_a a_o interior_a kind_n of_o delight_n that_o it_o amaze_v i_o how_o the_o only_o hear_v of_o a_o voice_n and_o that_o with_o the_o only_o ear_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n yea_o and_o without_o the_o articulation_n or_o frame_v of_o any_o one_o word_n be_v able_a to_o produce_v so_o powerful_a a_o operation_n in_o the_o soul_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o find_v even_o thereby_o that_o the_o thing_n which_o i_o have_v desire_v shall_v be_v do_v and_o so_o it_o be_v and_o the_o pain_n wherein_o i_o find_v myself_o concern_v it_o be_v utter_o remove_v in_o a_o thing_n which_o be_v not_o yet_o as_o if_o i_o have_v find_v it_o to_o be_v certain_o grant_v as_o it_o happen_v to_o be_v afterward_o and_o i_o relate_v the_o whole_a accident_n to_o my_o confessor_n who_o at_o that_o time_n be_v two_o and_o they_o both_o be_v very_o learned_a man_n and_o the_o servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n i_o know_v also_o of_o a_o certain_a person_n who_o have_v resolve_v to_o serve_v his_o divine_a majesty_n in_o very_o good_a earnest_n and_o he_o have_v use_v prayer_n some_o day_n and_o therein_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v do_v he_o many_o favour_n and_o yet_o he_o gave-ove_a his_o course_n of_o prayer_n upon_o certain_a occasion_n which_o occur_v to_o he_o and_o those_o he_o do_v not_o quit_v although_o they_o be_v full_a of_o danger_n this_o put_v i_o to_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n because_o the_o man_n who_o the_o matter_n concern_v be_v a_o person_n who_o both_o i_o love_v much_o and_o who_o i_o also_o be_v much_o oblige_v to_o love_n
they_o but_o all_o goodness_n and_o all_o care_n also_o of_o my_o good_a but_o pass_v on_o from_o that_o tender_a age_n to_o be_v able_a to_o begin_v to_o understand_v the_o benefit_n and_o gift_n of_o nature_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o which_o other_o esteem_v and_o say_v to_o be_v great_a in_o steed_n of_o give_v he_o thanks_n for_o the_o same_o i_o begin_v to_o serve_v myself_o of_o they_o all_o towards_o the_o offence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n as_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v the_o second_o chapter_n which_o show_v how_o she_o go_v lose_v in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n and_o how_o very_o much_o it_o import_v to_o converse_v in_o childhood_n with_o virtuous_a person_n i_o believe_v that_o a_o certain_a thing_n whereof_o i_o will_v now_o give_v account_n begin_v to_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o hurt_n sometime_o i_o grow_v to_o consider_v how_o ill_o those_o parent_n do_v who_o procure_v not_o that_o their_o child_n shall_v be_v ever_o see_v example_n of_o virtue_n in_o all_o kind_n for_o though_o my_o mother_n be_v very_o eminent_a that_o way_n as_o i_o have_v say_v already_o yet_o i_o take_v not_o so_o much_o of_o that_o good_a to_o myself_o when_o first_o i_o come_v to_o the_o use_n of_o reason_n no_o nor_o almost_o even_o any_o thing_n at_o all_o and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n whatsoever_o there_o be_v of_o imperfect_a and_o ill_a do_v hurt_v i_o much_o my_o mother_n be_v very_o particular_o affect_v to_o read_v book_n of_o cavalleria_n or_o vain_a history_n but_o she_o take_v not_o so_o much_o hurt_v by_o that_o entertainment_n as_o i_o do_v because_o it_o hinder_v not_o that_o work_n the_o while_n about_o which_o she_o be_v but_o disengage_v we_o from_o other_o thing_n that_o so_o we_o may_v read_v they_o and_o perhaps_o she_o do_v it_o also_o the_o rather_o that_o she_o may_v so_o have_v her_o thought_n less_o bend_v upon_o the_o memory_n of_o the_o great_a affliction_n which_o she_o feel_v and_o to_o employ_v also_o her_o child_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o to_o divert_v they_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o worse_a thing_n my_o father_n be_v yet_o so_o much_o trouble_v at_o this_o that_o particular_a care_n be_v have_v that_o he_o may_v not_o kouw_v it_o but_o i_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n remain_v with_o the_o custom_n of_o read_v these_o book_n and_o that_o little_a fault_n of_o i_o which_o even_o i_o myself_o discern_v therein_o begin_v to_o cool_v my_o good_a desire_n and_o be_v the_o reason_n why_o i_o also_o grow_v to_o fail_v in_o the_o rest_n and_o i_o make_v myself_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v not_o very_o ill_o do_v though_o yet_o i_o spend_v many_o hour_n both_o of_o the_o day_n and_o night_n in_o so_o vain_a a_o exercise_n and_o though_o it_o be_v still_o conceal_v from_o my_o father_n but_o i_o be_v possess_v heerwith_n in_o such_o extremity_n that_o if_o perhaps_o i_o can_v not_o get_v some_o new_a book_n i_o see_v not_o how_o i_o can_v be_v in_o contentment_n i_o begin_v also_o to_o make_v myself_o fine_a and_o to_o desire_v to_o grow_v acceptable_a in_o seem_v handsome_a and_o i_o take_v much_o care_n of_o my_o hand_n and_o of_o my_o hair_n and_o to_o get_v choice_a perfume_n together_o with_o all_o those_o vanity_n which_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o incurte_n by_o this_o mean_n which_o i_o confess_v be_v enough_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o be_v very_o curious_a in_o this_o kind_n i_o have_v only_o no_o ill_a intention_n nor_o desire_v i_o upon_o any_o term_n that_o any_o creature_n shall_v offend_v almighty_a god_n upon_o any_o occasion_n of_o i_o but_o i_o continue_v in_o so_o great_a a_o curiosity_n for_o daintiness_n and_o cleanlines_n as_o be_v even_o beyond_o all_o reason_n and_o those_o thing_n which_o for_o many_o year_n i_o conceive_v to_o be_v of_o no_o sin_n at_o all_o i_o find_v now_o how_o very_o ill_o they_o be_v now_o i_o have_v certain_a cousin-german_n who_o frequent_v my_o father_n house_n in_o familiar_a manner_n no_o other_o have_v any_o such_o liberty_n as_o that_o for_o my_o father_n be_v very_o wary_a and_o reserve_v in_o this_o kind_n but_o i_o will_v to_o god_n he_o have_v also_o be_v so_o in_o respect_n of_o my_o cousin_n because_o now_o i_o discern_v the_o danger_n that_o it_o be_v for_o such_o as_o be_v to_o begin_v to_o plant_v virtue_n in_o the_o soul_n to_o treat_v with_o person_n who_o know_v not_o in_o true_a account_n how_o great_a the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n be_v but_o rather_o be_v incline_v to_o awake_v &_o stir_v other_o up_o to_o cast_v themselves_o also_o into_o the_o same_o danger_n these_o kinsman_n of_o i_o be_v in_o effect_n of_o my_o own_o age_n or_o rather_o a_o little_o elder_a than_o i._o we_o be_v usual_o together_o and_o they_o carry_v great_a affection_n to_o i_o and_o in_o all_o thing_n which_o give_v they_o contentment_n i_o be_v willing_a to_o uphold_v the_o discourse_n and_o give_v ear_n to_o the_o success_n of_o their_o love_n to_o other_o and_o such_o other_o foolery_n as_o be_v good_a for_o nothing_o yea_o and_o which_o be_v worse_o i_o grow_v by_o these_o mean_n to_o lay_v my_o soul_n open_a to_o be_v look_v upon_o by_o certain_a idle_a thought_n which_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o all_o the_o ensue_a ill_a if_o i_o be_v worthy_a to_o advise_v parent_n i_o will_v wish_v they_o to_o take_v great_a heed_n what_o kind_n of_o person_n they_o admit_v to_o converse_v with_o their_o child_n for_o much_o harm_n may_v grow_v from_o thence_o since_o the_o natural_a condition_n of_o mankind_n will_v never_o climb_v up_o so_o easy_o towards_o good_a as_o decline_v towards_o ill_n at_o least_o it_o happen_v so_o to_o i_o i_o have_v a_o sister_n much_o elder_a than_o myself_o of_o who_o purity_n and_o goodness_n whereof_o she_o have_v great_a store_n i_o take_v no_o part_n but_o i_o fail_v not_o to_o take_v all_o hurt_n from_o a_o certain_a other_o kinswoman_n of_o i_o who_o have_v also_o familiar_a entry_n into_o our_o house_n now_o she_o be_v of_o so_o light_a and_o guiddie_a a_o conversation_n that_o my_o mother_n have_v use_v several_a diligence_n to_o divert_v she_o from_o familiarity_n with_o us._n for_o it_o seem_v she_o do_v even_o half_o foresee_v the_o mischief_n which_o be_v to_o grow_v upon_o i_o by_o her_o mean_n and_o yet_o on_o the_o other_o side_n the_o occasion_n be_v so_o great_a &_o fair_a whereby_o she_o be_v to_o enter_v that_o even_o my_o mother_n can_v not_o tell_v how_o to_o decline_v it_o with_o this_o creature_n as_o i_o be_v say_v do_v i_o come_v to_o have_v much_o delight_n to_o entertain_v myself_o with_o she_o be_v my_o conversation_n and_o my_o discourse_n because_o i_o find_v that_o she_o employ_v herself_o willing_o upon_o all_o those_o way_n of_o pass_v my_o time_n wherein_o i_o delight_v most_o yea_o and_o sometime_o she_o will_v embark_v i_o in_o they_o of_o herself_o give_v i_o part_n and_o knowledge_n of_o all_o her_o own_o conversation_n and_o vanity_n till_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v familiar_a with_o she_o when_o i_o think_v i_o be_v some_o fourteen_o year_n old_a or_o rather_o a_o little_a more_o i_o mean_v till_o she_o have_v wrought_v herself_o into_o so_o much_o friendship_n with_o i_o as_o to_o make_v i_o partake_v the_o knowledge_n of_o all_o her_o little_a affair_n i_o be_o much_o incline_v to_o think_v that_o i_o have_v never_o forfeit_v the_o favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n by_o any_o mortal_a sin_n nor_o ever_o forsake_v the_o fear_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n though_o yet_o still_o i_o fear_v more_o to_o loose_v my_o honour_n this_o last_o point_n be_v of_o power_n enough_o with_o i_o for_o not_o permit_v i_o to_o loose_v it_o outright_o nor_o do_v i_o conceive_v that_o any_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n can_v make_v i_o change_v that_o resolution_n nor_o be_v there_o any_o person_n alive_a who_o can_v win_v i_o to_o yield_v myself_o up_o to_o that_o misery_n i_o will_v to_o god_n i_o have_v so_o abound_v in_o strength_n &_o courage_n as_o not_o to_o make_v one_o pace_n against_o the_o honour_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n as_o even_o a_o kind_n of_o natural_a constitution_n of_o mind_n confirm_v i_o towards_o the_o not_o lose_v that_o wherein_o i_o hold_v the_o honour_n of_o this_o world_n to_o consist_v though_o yet_o i_o consider_v not_o the_o while_n that_o i_o lose_v even_o that_o also_o many_o way_n for_o the_o vain_a uphold_v hereof_o i_o have_v even_o a_o extreme_a resolution_n though_o yet_o for_o the_o proper_a and_o fit_a mean_n which_o be_v necessary_a for_o preserve_v it_o i_o use_v none_o at_o all_o only_o i_o be_v earnest_a in_o take_v care_n that_o i_o may_v by_o
which_o they_o who_o be_v good_a may_v well_o enjoy_v without_o any_o disadvantage_n to_o their_o goodness_n because_o they_o owe_v no_o more_o since_o they_o do_v not_o promise_n clausure_n but_o as_o for_o i_o who_o be_o wicked_v it_o will_v certain_o have_v carry_v i_o down_o to_o hell_n unless_o our_o lord_n have_v draw_v i_o out_o of_o this_o danger_n by_o very_a many_o remedy_n and_o mean_n and_o most_o particular_a favour_n and_o so_o i_o think_v a_o monastery_n of_o woman_n with_o liberty_n expose_v they_o to_o very_o great_a hazard_n and_o rather_o appear_v in_o my_o eye_n as_o a_o way_n whereby_o they_o who_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o be_v wicked_a may_v walk_v on_o towards_o hell_n then_o as_o a_o remedy_n for_o their_o weakness_n i_o mean_v not_o this_o by_o my_o monastery_n for_o therein_o be_v so_o many_o who_o serve_v our_o lord_n so_o much_o in_o earnest_n and_o with_o so_o great_a perfection_n that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n through_o his_o goodness_n can_v fail_v of_o do_v they_o favour_n neither_o be_v this_o monastery_n also_o of_o the_o most_o open_a and_o dis-enclosed_n and_o beside_o all_o good_a religious_a order_n be_v observe_v in_o it_o but_o i_o speak_v what_o i_o be_v speak_v of_o other_o which_o i_o know_v and_o have_v see_v i_o say_v therefore_o that_o those_o other_o give_v i_o cause_n to_o have_v great_a compassion_n of_o they_o for_o they_o have_v need_n of_o particular_a motion_n and_o call_v from_o our_o lord_n and_o not_o once_o but_o very_o often_o that_o so_o they_o may_v be_v save_v consider_v how_o much_o the_o honour_n and_o recreation_n of_o the_o world_n be_v now_o grow_v to_o be_v authorize_v and_o how_o little_a such_o as_o they_o be_v understand_v the_o very_a much_o to_o which_o they_o be_v oblige_v so_o that_o i_o beseech_v god_n they_o hold_v not_o that_o sometime_o for_o virtue_n which_o be_v sin_n as_o myself_o do_v often_o yea_o and_o there_o be_v so_o great_a difficulty_n in_o make_v this_o be_v well_o understand_v that_o there_o be_v need_n of_o no_o less_o then_o that_o our_o bless_a lord_n himself_o shall_v serious_o put_v his_o hand_n to_o the_o work_n if_o father_n will_v take_v my_o counsel_n since_o they_o will_v not_o procure_v to_o put_v their_o daughter_n where_o they_o may_v walk_v in_o the_o way_n of_o salvation_n but_o rather_o be_v in_o more_o danger_n than_o they_o shall_v perhaps_o have_v meet_v with_o in_o the_o world_n i_o will_v advise_v they_o at_o least_o to_o consider_v their_o own_o honour_n and_o rather_o to_o marry_v they_o very_o mean_o then_o to_o put_v they_o into_o such_o monastery_n as_o those_o unless_o they_o be_v very_o virtuous_o incline_v yea_o and_o i_o pray_v god_n that_o even_o this_o may_v serve_v the_o turn_n yea_o or_o else_o let_v they_o rather_o continue_v they_o in_o their_o own_o house_n for_o if_o they_o will_v needs_o be_v wicked_a it_o can_v be_v there_o keep_v private_a but_o for_o a_o very_a short_a time_n but_o here_o it_o may_v be_v long_o conceal_v though_o yet_o in_o the_o end_n our_o lord_n be_v ever_o wont_a to_o discover_v it_o and_o then_o they_o do_v not_o only_o hurt_v themselves_o but_o also_o the_o rest_n and_o sometime_o those_o poor_a creature_n have_v the_o less_o fault_n because_o they_o do_v but_o that_o which_o they_o find_v in_o use_n but_o still_o it_o be_v matter_n of_o much_o compassion_n to_o see_v many_o who_o have_v real_o a_o mind_n to_o forsake_v all_o and_o conceive_v that_o they_o go_v to_o serve_v our_o lord_n and_o to_o fly_v from_o the_o danger_n of_o this_o world_n do_v yet_o by_o this_o mean_n grow_v to_o embark_v themselves_o in_o ten_o world_n all_o together_o where_o they_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v or_o how_o to_o help_v themselves_o for_o youth_n and_o sensuality_n and_o in_o fine_a the_o devil_n both_o invite_v they_o and_o incline_v they_o to_o follow_v something_n which_o do_v altogether_o belong_v to_o a_o world_n and_o so_o in_o effect_n they_o come_v to_o hold_v they_o good_a i_o think_v in_o this_o they_o be_v like_o those_o miserable_a and_o wretched_a man_n the_o heretic_n who_o first_o make_v themselves_o blind_a and_o then_o give_v themselves_o to_o understand_v that_o those_o opinion_n which_o they_o follow_v be_v good_a and_o so_o they_o come_v to_o believe_v they_o to_o be_v true_a though_o yet_o indeed_o and_o upon_o the_o matter_n they_o believe_v they_o not_o for_o in_o their_o heart_n there_o be_v somewhat_o which_o tell_v they_o still_o that_o it_o be_v naught_o o_o great_a misery_n i_o say_v o_o extreme_a great_a misery_n of_o religious_a person_n and_o i_o speak_v not_o here_o of_o woman_n now_o more_o than_o of_o man_n where_o religious_a observance_n be_v not_o keep_v and_o where_o in_o one_o and_o the_o self_n same_o monastery_n two_o way_n be_v hold_v one_o of_o virtue_n and_o religious_a life_n and_o another_o which_o be_v utter_o in_o want_n thereof_o and_o where_o they_o all_o go_v as_o it_o be_v equal_o hand_n in_o hand_n or_o rather_o i_o say_v ill_o when_o i_o say_v equal_o for_o it_o use_v to_o happen_v so_o for_o our_o sin_n that_o the_o more_o imperfect_a make_v up_o the_o great_a number_n and_o so_o as_o they_o use_v to_o be_v more_o they_o use_v to_o be_v also_o more_o favour_v and_o true_a religious_a observance_n be_v wont_a to_o be_v so_o rare_a in_o those_o place_n that_o as_o well_o that_o religious_a man_n as_o that_o religious_a woman_n who_o shall_v have_v a_o mind_n to_o give_v themselves_o whole_o and_o in_o good_a earnest_n to_o follow_v their_o vocation_n and_o rule_n will_v have_v cause_n to_o be_v in_o more_o fear_n of_o the_o rest_n of_o the_o religious_a of_o their_o own_o house_n then_o of_o all_o the_o devil_n in_o hell_n yea_o and_o they_o will_v need_v to_o use_v more_o caution_n and_o dissimulation_n in_o speak_v of_o that_o intercourse_n and_o friendship_n which_o such_o person_n shall_v procure_v to_o hold_v with_o almighty_a god_n then_o of_o other_o inclination_n and_o friendship_n which_o the_o devil_n find_v mean_n sometime_o to_o bring_v into_o monastery_n i_o can_v therefore_o meet_v with_o no_o reason_n why_o we_o shall_v be_v amaze_v to_o see_v so_o many_o misery_n in_o the_o church_n since_o they_o who_o ought_v to_o be_v pattern_n for_o other_o that_o so_o all_o man_n may_v grow_v to_o be_v virtuous_a by_o their_o example_n have_v total_o blot_v out_o that_o work_v which_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o saint_n in_o old_a time_n leave_v register_v in_o our_o religious_a order_n and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o give_v such_o remedy_n to_o these_o mischief_n as_o he_o know_v best_o to_o be_v needful_a amen_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n when_o i_o begin_v to_o use_v such_o conversation_n as_o these_o i_o little_o think_v that_o so_o great_a distraction_n and_o other_o damage_n will_v grow_v to_o my_o soul_n by_o that_o kind_n of_o proceed_v when_o i_o see_v they_o be_v so_o much_o use_v by_o other_o and_o i_o conceive_v that_o so_o general_a a_o thing_n as_o it_o be_v for_o secular_a people_n to_o make_v visit_n to_o the_o religious_a in_o many_o monastery_n will_v be_v of_o no_o great_a prejudice_n to_o i_o than_o it_o be_v to_o other_o who_o i_o see_v to_o be_v virtuous_a and_o good_a but_o i_o consider_v not_o the_o while_n that_o those_o other_o be_v much_o more_o virtuous_a than_o myself_o and_o that_o those_o thing_n which_o be_v of_o much_o danger_n to_o i_o be_v not_o perhaps_o of_o so_o very_a much_o to_o they_o though_o yet_o i_o fear_v it_o be_v of_o some_o and_o at_o the_o best_a hand_n i_o be_o sure_a enough_o that_o it_o be_v no_o better_o than_o time_n very_o ill_o employ_v and_o spend_v and_o be_v once_o with_o a_o certain_a person_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o to_o understand_v in_o the_o very_a beginning_n of_o my_o acquaintance_n with_o she_o that_o such_o friendship_n will_v be_v no_o way_n convenient_a for_o i_o and_o to_o give_v i_o also_o advise_v and_o light_n in_o so_o great_a a_o darkness_n as_o that_o be_v for_o christ_n our_o lord_n represent_v himself_o before_o i_o with_o much_o rigour_n and_o give_v i_o well_o to_o understand_v how_o great_o he_o be_v disgu_v at_o my_o proceed_n i_o see_v he_o only_o with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n but_o yet_o much_o more_o distinct_o and_o more_o clear_o than_o i_o can_v possible_o have_v do_v with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o body_n and_o he_o remain_v so_o deep_o imprint_v there_o that_o although_o it_o happen_v to_o i_o above_o six_o and_o twenty_o year_n ago_o i_o think_v he_o be_v still_o as_o present_v to_o i_o now_o as_o he_o be_v then_o but_o i_o be_o sure_a
i_o remain_v so_o alter_v yea_o and_o so_o astonish_v that_o i_o intend_v to_o see_v that_o person_n no_o more_o it_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o hurt_n that_o i_o know_v not_o at_o that_o time_n that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o one_o to_o see_v any_o thing_n but_o with_o the_o eye_n of_o the_o body_n and_o the_o devil_n be_v careful_a enough_o to_o continue_v i_o in_o that_o erroneous_a opinion_n and_o to_o make_v i_o still_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v impossible_a and_o therefore_o that_o i_o have_v but_o fancy_v certain_a thing_n to_o myself_o and_o that_o perhaps_o it_o may_v be_v a_o work_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o he_o bring_v many_o suggestion_n like_o this_o upon_o i_o though_o yet_o still_o i_o be_v very_o confident_o of_o opinion_n that_o it_o be_v god_n and_o no_o conceit_n or_o fancy_n at_o all_o but_o yet_o still_o because_o it_o induce_v i_o to_o do_v thing_n which_o be_v against_o my_o gust_n i_o do_v the_o best_a i_o can_v even_o to_o belie_v my_o very_a self_n and_o forasmuch_o as_o i_o dare_v not_o confer_v with_o any_o body_n about_o this_o particular_a and_o find_v myself_o also_o extreme_o importune_v afterward_o and_o be_v wish_v to_o be_v assure_v that_o it_o can_v not_o be_v ill_o do_v to_o see_v such_o a_o person_n as_o that_o and_o that_o there_o will_v be_v no_o loss_n of_o honour_n by_o it_o but_o rather_o gain_v i_o return_v to_o enjoy_v the_o same_o conversation_n yea_o and_o also_o at_o other_o time_n i_o converse_v in_o like_a manner_n with_o other_o for_o they_o be_v many_o year_n wherein_o i_o take_v this_o pestilential_a recreation_n and_o when_o once_o i_o be_v far_o embark_v therein_o it_o seem_v not_o to_o i_o to_o be_v so_o very_a ill_n as_o yet_o indeed_o it_o be_v though_o still_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o sometime_o i_o discern_v clear_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v not_o good_a but_o yet_o no_o other_o conversation_n distract_v i_o so_o much_o as_o this_o in_o particular_a do_v by_o reason_n of_o the_o great_a affection_n which_o i_o bear_v to_o the_o party_n but_o myself_o be_v afterward_o again_o with_o the_o same_o person_n we_o both_o of_o we_o see_v come_v towards_o we_o and_o there_o be_v other_o also_o present_a who_o see_v it_o too_o a_o certain_a thing_n which_o have_v the_o manner_n of_o a_o great_a toad_n and_o it_o press_v and_o pass_v on_o with_o very_o much_o more_o speed_n than_o such_o creature_n use_v to_o have_v for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o conceive_v how_o such_o a_o filthy_a beast_n as_o that_o shall_v get_v into_o that_o room_n through_o that_o part_n from_o whence_o it_o come_v and_o even_o as_o it_o be_v at_o noon_n day_n nor_o have_v ever_o any_o such_o thing_n be_v see_v there_o the_o effect_n which_o it_o wrought_v with_o i_o seem_v not_o to_o have_v be_v void_a of_o some_o mystery_n and_o this_o also_o be_v a_o thing_n which_o i_o can_v never_o forget_v but_o o_o greatness_n of_o almighty_a god_n with_o how_o much_o care_n &_o pity_n be_v thou_o admonish_v i_o in_o so_o many_o kind_n and_o by_o so_o many_o way_n &_o how_o little_a do_v i_o permit_v that_o all_o these_o warning_n shall_v help_v there_o be_v also_o there_o at_o that_o time_n a_o certain_a religious_a woman_n of_o my_o kindred_n and_o she_o be_v ancient_a and_o a_o great_a servant_n of_o god_n and_o of_o much_o discipline_n in_o her_o religious_a order_n she_o also_o will_v sometime_o be_v give_v i_o good_a counsel_n but_o i_o do_v not_o only_o not_o believe_v she_o but_o be_v also_o disgu_v with_o she_o as_o conceave_a that_o she_o will_v needs_o take_v scandal_n at_o i_o without_o cause_n and_o this_o i_o here_o relate_v to_o the_o end_n that_o both_o my_o wickedness_n and_o the_o great_a goodness_n of_o almighty_a god_n may_v be_v the_o better_o understand_v and_o that_o it_o may_v be_v know_v how_o well_o i_o deserve_a hell_n for_o my_o great_a ingratitude_n and_o i_o do_v it_o also_o to_o this_o end_n that_o if_o our_o lord_n may_v so_o ordain_v &_o be_v please_v that_o any_o religious_a woman_n may_v fall_v upon_o read_v this_o discourse_n they_o may_v be_v bring_v to_o be_v careful_a to_o take_v warning_n by_o i_o and_o i_o beg_v of_o they_o that_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n they_o will_v take_v heed_n of_o such_o recreation_n as_o these_o and_o i_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o some_o one_o of_o they_o may_v be_v disabused_n who_o i_o have_v deceive_v when_o i_o tell_v they_o that_o it_o be_v not_o ill_a and_o when_o be_v in_o such_o blindness_n at_o that_o time_n i_o procure_v to_o assure_v they_o that_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n at_o all_o and_o in_o regard_n also_o that_o by_o the_o ill_a example_n which_o i_o give_v give_v they_o as_o i_o have_v relate_v here_o i_o be_v a_o cause_n to_o they_o of_o great_a mischief_n while_o yet_o i_o think_v not_o that_o i_o do_v so_o much_o hurt_v and_o though_o also_o it_o be_v certain_a that_o i_o have_v no_o design_n at_o all_o to_o deceive_v they_o but_o now_o even_o 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i_o to_o see_v a_o soul_n so_o pertinacious_a and_o so_o ungrateful_a towards_o he_o who_o have_v vouchsafe_v it_o so_o great_a favour_n and_o i_o wish_v i_o can_v get_v leave_n to_o declare_v that_o multitude_n of_o time_n that_o i_o fail_v of_o my_o obligation_n to_o almighty_a god_n in_o this_o number_n of_o year_n by_o reason_n that_o i_o be_v not_o apply_v to_o and_o support_v by_o the_o strong_a pillar_n of_o prayer_n i_o pass_v through_o this_o tempestuous_a sea_n almost_o twenty_o year_n between_o these_o fall_n and_o rise_n though_o i_o rise_v ilfavourd_o enough_o since_o i_o return_v again_o so_o quick_o to_o fall_v in_o this_o kind_n of_o life_n tend_v towards_o perfection_n but_o yet_o in_o so_o base_a a_o way_n as_o that_o i_o make_v no_o account_n at_o all_o of_o venial_a danger_n sin_n and_o for_o such_o as_o be_v mortal_a it_o be_v true_a that_o although_o i_o fear_v they_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o even_o that_o as_o i_o ought_v since_o i_o absent_v not_o myself_o from_o 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to_o give_v to_o such_o person_n yet_o the_o least_o which_o he_o shall_v get_v will_v be_v that_o he_o shall_v be_v go_v on_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n and_o i_o know_v so_o much_o of_o the_o mercy_n of_o almighty_a god_n that_o i_o may_v conclude_v for_o certain_a enough_o that_o no_o body_n ever_o take_v he_o for_o a_o friend_n who_o he_o do_v not_o well_o requite_v for_o his_o pain_n for_o mental_a prayer_n be_v no_o other_o thing_n in_o my_o opinion_n than_o a_o treaty_n about_o make_v friendship_n with_o almighty_a god_n and_o a_o frequent_a and_o private_a commerce_n hand_n to_o hand_n with_o he_o by_o
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degree_n of_o quiet_a prayer_n but_o so_o she_o be_v in_o trouble_n enough_o and_o though_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o this_o point_n of_o the_o knowledge_n of_o one_o self_n be_v never_o indeed_o to_o be_v utter_o give_v over_o nor_o be_v any_o soul_n in_o the_o way_n of_o prayer_n to_o think_v she_o have_v so_o much_o of_o the_o giant_n in_o she_o as_o not_o to_o understand_v that_o many_o time_n she_o must_v turn_v child_n and_o suck_v again_o and_o this_o must_v never_o be_v forget_v and_o perhaps_o i_o shall_v also_o speak_v often_o of_o it_o again_o in_o regard_n that_o it_o import_v so_o much_o because_o there_o be_v no_o state_n of_o prayer_n so_o high_a wherein_o it_o will_v not_o be_v necessary_a to_o turne-againe_a often_o to_o the_o beginning_n and_o this_o point_n of_o the_o knowledge_n of_o ourselves_o and_o of_o our_o sin_n be_v the_o daily_a bread_n bread_n which_o must_v be_v eat_v with_o all_o the_o meat_n how_o delicate_a soever_o it_o may_v be_v of_o such_o as_o 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we_o upon_o what_o it_o be_v convenient_a for_o we_o to_o feed_v so_o that_o it_o import_v we_o very_o much_o that_o the_o spirit_n director_n be_v well_o advise_v &_o i_o mean_v also_o that_o he_o be_v of_o good_a understanding_n and_o experience_n and_o if_o with_o this_o he_o be_v also_o learned_a it_o will_v be_v of_o mighty_a importance_n but_o yet_o still_o when_o all_o these_o three_o part_n shall_v not_o chance_v to_o meet_v together_o in_o the_o same_o man_n the_o two_o former_a quality_n of_o these_o three_o will_v fall_v out_o to_o import_v more_o than_o the_o three_o because_o they_o may_v easy_o procure_v to_o consult_v with_o such_o as_o be_v learned_a whensoever_o they_o shall_v have_v need_n thereof_o
of_o quiet_a prayer_n she_o treat_v how_o many_o soul_n come_v to_o arrive_v to_o this_o degree_n of_o prayer_n and_o that_o few_o pass_v beyond_o it_o the_o particular_n which_o be_v touch_v here_o be_v not_o only_o very_o profitable_a but_o very_o necessary_a let_v we_o now_o return_v to_o our_o purpose_n this_o quietness_n and_o recollection_n of_o the_o soul_n be_v easy_o perceive_v by_o the_o satisfaction_n and_o peace_n which_o be_v infuse_v into_o she_o with_o a_o very_a great_a contentment_n and_o calmness_n of_o the_o power_n of_o the_o say_a soul_n together_o with_o a_o very_a great_a delight_n and_o now_o it_o seem_v to_o she_o because_o she_o be_v not_o come_v yet_o any_o further_a that_o already_o she_o have_v nothing_o leave_v to_o desire_v and_o that_o with_o a_o very_a good_a will_n she_o can_v make_v the_o same_o suit_n with_o s._n peter_n that_o her_o abode_n may_v be_v ever_o there_o she_o dare_v not_o stir_v or_o move_v nay_o she_o will_v hardly_o give_v herself_o 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soul_n do_v at_o that_o time_n and_o our_o lord_n say_v this_o to_o i_o in_o these_o word_n it_o do_v my_o daughter_n dissolve_v and_o defeat_v itself_o to_o be_v so_o the_o more_o ingulfed_a in_o i_o for_o now_o it_o be_v no_o long_o she_o who_o live_v but_o i_o and_o since_o she_o can_v comprehend_v that_o which_o she_o understand_v her_o very_a understanding_n it_o after_o a_o kind_n of_o moral_a way_n which_o she_o do_v be_v real_o a_o not_o understand_v it_o after_o a_o strict_a &_o comprehensive_a way_n which_o she_o be_v not_o able_a to_o do_v he_o who_o shall_v have_v have_v trial_n of_o this_o by_o experience_n will_v be_v able_a to_o arrive_v to_o the_o expression_n of_o some_o part_n thereof_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o can_v deliver_v that_o more_o clear_o which_o pass_v here_o since_o it_o be_v so_o very_o obscure_a i_o can_v only_o say_v that_o in_o this_o case_n their_o be_v then_o so_o close_o to_o almighty_a god_n be_v represent_v to_o they_o and_o there_o remain_v 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i_o be_v in_o this_o part_n of_o this_o prayer_n to_o be_v so_o prayer_n whole_o out_o of_o myself_o as_o that_o i_o know_v not_o whether_o i_o be_v awake_a or_o asleep_o or_o whither_o in_o very_a deed_n i_o have_v be_v in_o that_o glory_n which_o i_o feel_v and_o whether_o it_o be_v true_a that_o i_o be_v indeed_o so_o all_o bathe_v in_o water_n which_o distil_v with_o such_o force_n and_o speed_n from_o my_o eye_n that_o it_o seem_v as_o if_o a_o very_a cloud_n of_o heaven_n have_v rain_v it_o down_o but_o in_o fine_a i_o find_v that_o it_o be_v no_o dream_n this_o happen_v to_o be_v in_o the_o beginning_n of_o this_o prayer_n and_o it_o pass_v quick_o over_o but_o the_o soul_n remain_v so_o courageous_a thereby_o that_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o she_o to_o be_v cut_v into_o a_o thousand_o piece_n for_o god_n sake_n it_o will_v be_v of_o extreme_a consolation_n to_o she_o and_o now_o here_o come_v in_o all_o her_o promise_n her_o heroical_a resolution_n the_o livelie_a efficacy_n of_o her_o desire_n her_o beginning_n to_o abhor_v the_o world_n her_o clear_o discern_v she_o own_o vanity_n and_o all_o this_o much_o more_o perfect_o and_o more_o high_o than_o it_o happen_v in_o any_o of_o her_o former_a prayer_n her_o humility_n be_v also_o grow_v much_o strong_a for_o now_o she_o very_o clear_o discern_v that_o no_o diligence_n at_o all_o of_o her_o own_o be_v any_o piece_n of_o a_o cause_n for_o bring_v she_o that_o excessive_a and_o incomparable_a favour_n nor_o for_o make_v she_o enjoy_v the_o same_o she_o see_v now_o clear_o that_o she_o be_v a_o most_o unworthy_a creature_n for_o in_o any_o room_n where_o there_o enter_v a_o strong_a and_o clear_a sunbeam_n there_o be_v not_o the_o least_o and_o thin_a cobweb_n which_o can_v lie_v hide_v she_o now_o look_v very_o clear_o upon_o her_o own_o misery_n and_o now_o she_o be_v so_o very_o free_a from_o vainglory_n that_o it_o seem_v a_o kind_n of_o impossible_a thing_n for_o she_o to_o have_v any_o because_o now_o already_o she_o have_v it_o even_o in_o her_o very_a eye_n how_o little_a she_o be_v able_a to_o perform_v or_o rather_o in_o very_a deed_n that_o it_o be_v just_o nothing_o at_o all_o and_o that_o in_o this_o case_n there_o be_v hardly_o so_o much_o as_o any_o consent_n of_o she_o but_o that_o it_o seem_v that_o even_o whether_o she_o will_v or_o no_o they_o shut_v the_o gate_n of_o all_o her_o sense_n up_o to_o the_o end_n that_o she_o may_v so_o the_o better_a enjoy_v her_o lord_n and_o that_o now_o since_o she_o remain_v all_o alone_a with_o he_o what_o can_v she_o have_v to_o do_v but_o to_o love_v he_o she_o neither_o can_v see_v nor_o hear_v unless_o she_o be_v make_v to_o do_v so_o as_o it_o be_v by_o very_o strong_a hand_n and_o therefore_o there_o be_v little_a for_o which_o to_o thank_v she_o her_o former_a life_n grow_v then_o to_o be_v represent_v to_o she_o with_o perfect_a truth_n together_o with_o the_o great_a mercy_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o all_o this_o occurr_n to_o she_o without_o any_o necessity_n at_o all_o that_o her_o understanding_n shall_v now_o go_v hunt_v after_o it_o for_o there_o do_v she_o already_o find_v all_o this_o kind_n of_o food_n ready_a dress_v for_o she_o to_o understand_v and_o eat_v of_o herself_o she_o see_v very_o well_o that_o she_o deserve_v hellfire_n and_o that_o now_o in_o stead_n thereof_o they_o give_v she_o no_o other_o punishment_n than_o glory_n and_o therefore_o she_o do_v now_o even_o consume_v herself_o in_o the_o praise_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o now_o will_v i_o be_v glad_a even_o to_o consume_v myself_o so_o bless_a be_v thou_o o_o
for_o so_o many_o foul_a treason_n as_o i_o have_v commit_v against_o thou_o by_o these_o few_o poor_a little_a tear_n of_o i_o which_o yet_o be_v give_v i_o by_o thyself_o and_o which_o real_o for_o my_o part_n thereof_o be_v but_o as_o so_o much_o water_n of_o a_o stinke_v well_o for_o still_o i_o be_o commit_v sin_n &_o procure_v to_o frustrate_v &_o even_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v the_o favour_n which_o thou_o have_v do_v i_o but_o be_v thou_o please_v o_o my_o dear_a lord_n to_o give_v value_n to_o these_o poor_a tear_n and_o do_v thou_o purifye_v this_o so_o trouble_a water_n of_o my_o soul_n though_o it_o shall_v be_v for_o no_o other_o reason_n then_o only_o to_o keep_v man_n free_a from_o the_o temptation_n of_o make_v rash_a judgement_n as_o for_o my_o part_n i_o have_v be_v subject_a to_o this_o thought_n why_o o_o lord_n do_v thou_o pass_v over_o those_o other_o holy_a people_n who_o have_v always_o serve_v and_o suffer_v for_o thou_o and_o have_v be_v bred-up_a in_o the_o way_n of_o a_o religious_a life_n and_o be_v indeed_o true_o religious_a and_o not_o like_o i_o who_o have_v no_o more_o thereof_o than_o the_o name_n and_o yet_o i_o clear_o see_v that_o thou_o do_v they_o not_o those_o favour_n which_o thou_o have_v do_v i_o but_o yet_o here_o i_o discern_v very_o well_o o_o thou_o my_o eternal_a good_a that_o thou_o keep_v their_o reward_n in_o store_n that_o so_o thou_o may_v give_v it_o they_o all_o together_o and_o that_o my_o weakness_n be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o have_v need_v to_o be_v proceed_v with_o thus_o whereas_o they_o like_o gallant_a person_n be_v content_a to_o serve_v thou_o still_o without_o these_o help_n and_o so_o thou_o treat_a they_o as_o valiant_a people_n who_o have_v no_o interest_n of_o their_o own_o but_o yet_o i_o with_o all_o this_o o_o my_o lord_n cryed-out_a many_o time_n before_o thou_o excuse_v they_o who_o murmur_v against_o i_o because_o i_o think_v they_o have_v too_o much_o reason_n for_o what_o they_o say_v but_o this_o occur_v to_o i_o o_o lord_n when_o already_o through_o thy_o goodness_n thou_o withheldst_a i_o from_o offend_v thou_o so_o high_o any_o more_o and_o when_o i_o go_v divert_v myself_o from_o all_o that_o which_o i_o think_v may_v displease_v thou_o for_o when_o once_o i_o begin_v to_o do_v but_o thus_o much_o thou_o also_o do_v begin_v to_o open_v thy_o treasure_n towards_o this_o servant_n of_o thou_o and_o it_o seem_v thou_o do_v expect_v nothing_o else_o but_o only_o that_o there_o may_v be_v a_o inclination_n in_o i_o to_o receive_v they_o so_o quick_o do_v thou_o begin_v not_o only_o to_o bestow_v they_o but_o to_o be_v please_v that_o the_o world_n shall_v understand_v it_o when_o this_o be_v once_o perceive_v some_o begin_v to_o hold_v a_o good_a opinion_n of_o i_o though_o all_o have_v not_o yet_o know_v well_o how_o ill_o i_o be_v and_o that_o much_o of_o it_o do_v then_o half_o appear_v but_o then_o do_v detraction_n and_o persecution_n begin_v at_o a_o clapp_n and_o in_o my_o opinion_n not_o without_o much_o cause_n and_o therefore_o i_o undertake_v no_o enmity_n against_o any_o creature_n but_o only_o beseech_v thy_o divine_a majesty_n to_o consider_v what_o little_a reason_n they_o have_v they_o say_v that_o i_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o make_v myself_o a_o saint_n and_o that_o i_o invent_v certain_a novelty_n though_o i_o have_v not_o arrive_v yet_o by_o a_o great_a deal_n to_o fulfil_v all_o my_o own_o rule_n nor_o overtake_v in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n those_o many_o good_a and_o holy_a religious_a woman_n who_o be_v in_o that_o monastery_n nor_o do_v i_o think_v indeed_o that_o i_o shall_v ever_o arrive_v so_o far_o unless_o almighty_a god_n through_o his_o goodness_n will_v be_v please_v to_o perform_v it_o all_o on_o his_o part_n but_o rather_o that_o i_o be_v likely_a to_o abolish_v that_o which_o be_v good_a and_o to_o establish_v certain_a custom_n which_o be_v not_o so_o at_o least_o i_o do_v what_o i_o can_v to_o introduce_v they_o and_o i_o have_v always_o power_n enough_o to_o do_v hurt_v so_o that_o they_o blame_v i_o without_o any_o fault_n of_o they_o nor_o do_v i_o say_v that_o they_o be_v only_o religious_a woman_n but_o other_o also_o who_o tell_v i_o truth_n because_o it_o be_v permit_v by_o thou_o when_o once_o i_o be_v say_v my_o office_n i_o who_o have_v sometime_o be_v subject_a to_o this_o temptation_n come_v to_o this_o verse_n justus_n es_fw-la domine_fw-la &_o rectum_fw-la iudicium_fw-la tuum_fw-la thou_o be_v just_a o_o lord_n and_o thy_o judgement_n be_v right_a and_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v how_o true_a this_o be_v for_o in_o this_o kind_n the_o devil_n have_v never_o power_n to_o tempt_v i_o so_o far_o as_o to_o make_v i_o doubt_v but_o that_o thou_o o_o lord_n be_v the_o owner_n and_o author_n of_o all_o goodness_n no_o nor_o yet_o in_o any_o thing_n at_o all_o which_o belong_v to_o faith_n nay_o rather_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o the_o more_o they_o be_v above_o nature_n the_o more_o firm_o do_v i_o believe_v they_o yea_o and_o they_o cause_v even_o more_o devotion_n in_o i_o and_o in_o regard_n that_o thou_o be_v omnipotent_a all_o such_o greatness_n as_o thou_o shall_v be_v please_v to_o act_v and_o execute_v be_v resolve_v upon_o and_o conclude_v in_o i_o and_o of_o this_o as_o i_o be_v say_v i_o never_o have_v doubt_n so_o that_o when_o i_o come_v afterward_o to_o consider_v how_o thou_o can_v permit_v that_o there_o shall_v be_v so_o many_o dear_a servant_n of_o thou_o as_o i_o be_v say_v who_o yet_o receive_v not_o those_o favour_n and_o regalos_n which_o thou_o be_v please_v to_o vouchsafe_v i_o i_o be_v so_o miserable_a a_o creature_n as_o i_o be_v thou_o answer_v i_o thus_o o_o lord_n do_v thou_o serve_v i_o and_o do_v not_o trouble_v thyself_o with_o that_o now_o this_o be_v the_o very_a first_o word_n of_o that_o kind_n which_o ever_o i_o perceive_v thou_o to_o speak_v to_o i_o and_o therefore_o it_o amaze_v i_o much_o and_o i_o will_v hereafter_o declare_v this_o manner_n of_o understand_v thing_n together_o with_o diverse_a other_o i_o speak_v not_o of_o it_o here_o for_o it_o be_v to_o go_v from_o the_o purpose_n and_o i_o believe_v i_o have_v go_v from_o it_o already_o and_o in_o effect_n i_o scarce_o know_v what_o i_o have_v say_v nor_o can_v it_o indeed_o well_o be_v otherwise_o but_o your_o reverence_n must_v needs_o bear_v with_o these_o interual_n and_o interruption_n for_o when_o i_o once_o consider_v how_o much_o god_n endure_v at_o my_o hand_n and_o withal_o behold_v myself_o in_o this_o condition_n it_o be_v not_o to_o go_v for_o a_o strange_a thing_n that_o i_o lose_v my_o aim_n both_o in_o that_o which_o i_o say_v and_o be_o to_o say_v and_o i_o beseech_v our_o lord_n that_o all_o my_o impertinency_n and_o roaving_n may_v always_o be_v of_o this_o kind_n and_o that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n may_v not_o permit_v that_o i_o may_v ever_o vary_v one_o hair_n breadth_n from_o he_o but_o rather_o that_o i_o may_v be_v consume_v even_o in_o this_o moment_n for_o it_o may_v well_o be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o to_o have_v observe_v and_o discern_v his_o great_a mercy_n not_o once_o but_o often_o in_o that_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o pardon_v so_o great_a a_o ingratitude_n as_o i_o he_o pardon_v s._n peter_n once_o but_o i_o often_o so_o that_o the_o devil_n have_v some_o kind_n of_o reason_n to_o tempt_v i_o as_o hope_v that_o i_o will_v not_o pretend_v to_o hold_v straight_a friendship_n with_o one_o with_o who_o i_o have_v be_v in_o so_o public_a enmity_n but_o how_o great_a o_o lord_n be_v this_o blindness_n of_o i_o for_o where_o can_v i_o ever_o think_v o_o my_o lord_n to_o find_v any_o remedy_n but_o by_o thou_o what_o a_o senseless_a kind_n of_o folly_n be_v it_o for_o i_o to_o fly_v from_o the_o light_n that_o so_o i_o may_v for_o ever_o go_v stumbling-on_a in_o the_o dark_a what_o a_o foolish_a kind_n of_o proud_a humility_n be_v that_o which_o the_o devil_n invent_v for_o i_o when_o he_o persuade_v i_o to_o depart_v from_o lean_v against_o that_o staff_n and_o pillar_n prayer_n which_o may_v support_v i_o that_o so_o my_o fall_n may_v not_o be_v so_o great_a at_o this_o instant_n do_v i_o bless_v myself_o with_o the_o cross_n for_o i_o think_v i_o never_o pass_v a_o danger_n so_o very_o hazardous_a in_o my_o whole_a life_n as_o this_o invention_n be_v which_o the_o devil_n have_v a_o mind_n to_o teach_v i_o by_o way_n of_o humility_n for_o he_o put_v it_o into_o my_o conceit_n to_o think_v how_o it_o can_v be_v possible_a that_o so_o wicked_a a_o thing_n as_o
myself_o have_v receive_v so_o great_a favour_n from_o almighty_a god_n can_v ever_o procure_v to_o come_v to_o mental_a prayer_n and_o that_o for_o i_o it_o will_v suffice_v if_o i_o say_v those_o vocal_a prayer_n to_o which_o i_o be_v bind_v as_o other_o do_v but_o that_o since_o now_o i_o do_v not_o even_o thus_o much_o well_o what_o sense_n be_v there_o that_o i_o shall_v pretend_v to_o do_v more_o and_o that_o this_o be_v to_o express_v little_a reverence_n to_o almighty_a god_n and_o to_o underualue_n his_o favour_n it_o be_v fit_a to_o think_v and_o know_v all_o this_o but_o to_o put_v it_o in_o execution_n have_v be_v extreme_o ill_o do_v and_o be_v thou_o bless_v o_o lord_n who_o bring_v i_o the_o remedy_n for_o this_o temptation_n seem_v to_o have_v be_v no_o less_o than_o a_o beginning_n to_o that_o other_o which_o the_o devil_n bring_v upon_o judas_n but_o that_o traitor_n the_o devil_n dare_v not_o tempt_v i_o so_o open_o but_o will_v fain_o have_v come_v by_o little_a and_o little_a to_o set_v upon_o i_o as_o he_o do_v upon_o he_o and_o now_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n let_v all_o they_o who_o use_v mental_a prayer_n consider_v well_o that_o which_o follow_v very_o well_o let_v they_o know_v that_o during_o the_o time_n when_o i_o forbear_v it_o my_o life_n be_v much_o worse_o than_o before_o and_o let_v it_o be_v well_o consider_v what_o a_o fine_a kind_n of_o remedy_n the_o devil_n bring_v i_o and_o what_o a_o dainty_a ridiculous_a humility_n it_o must_v be_v which_o can_v fill_v i_o with_o so_o deep_a a_o disquiet_n for_o indeed_o how_o can_v this_o soul_n of_o i_o appease_v itself_o the_o ignorant_a foolish_a creature_n go_v away_o as_o fast_o as_o she_o can_v from_o her_o true_a repose_n and_o rest_n she_o have_v her_o favour_n and_o regalo_n present_a to_o her_o memory_n and_o she_o find_v that_o the_o contentment_n of_o this_o world_n be_v so_o loathsome_a as_o even_o almost_o to_o provoke_v a_o vomit_n but_o i_o be_o amaze_v how_o i_o can_v endure_v it_o though_o belike_o it_o be_v with_o some_o kind_n of_o hope_n that_o at_o the_o worst_a hand_n i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o remain_v free_a from_o sin_n for_o i_o never_o as_o i_o remember_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v now_o more_o than_o one_o &_o twenty_o year_n ago_o gave-ove_a a_o be_v resolve_v to_o return_v to_o prayer_n but_o o_o how_o ill-grounded_a and_o address_v be_v this_o hope_n of_o i_o for_o the_o devil_n will_v fain_o have_v turn_v i_o over_o till_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n that_o so_o from_o thence_o he_o may_v conduct_v i_o to_o hell_n but_o yet_o now_o afterward_o i_o frequent_v prayer_n &_o read_v which_o be_v indeed_o the_o way_n to_o see_v real_a truth_n &_o look_v down_o upon_o that_o wicked_a course_n which_o i_o be_v hold_v and_o often_o importune_v our_o bless_a lord_n with_o many_o tear_n i_o be_v yet_o so_o very_o wretched_a that_o i_o know_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n how_o to_o help_v myself_o but_o then_o again_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o grow_v to_o give-ove_a these_o good_a thing_n and_o employ_v myself_o upon_o certain_a idle_a pastime_n and_o expose_v myself_o to_o many_o occasion_n of_o ill_a and_o enjoy_v very_o few_o help_n and_o i_o may_v rather_o venture_v to_o say_v none_o at_o all_o but_o only_o such_o as_o may_v help_v i_o to_o fall_v for_o what_o may_v i_o ever_o hope_v but_o what_o i_o have_v say_v i_o believe_v that_o a_o certain_a religious_a man_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n who_o be_v very_o learned_a have_v great_a merit_n in_o the_o sight_n of_o god_n for_o he_o awake_v i_o out_o of_o this_o sleep_n and_o he_o make_v i_o as_o i_o think_v i_o have_v already_o express_v receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n every_o fortnight_n and_o so_o my_o misery_n be_v then_o not_o altogether_o so_o great_a i_o begin_v to_o come_v back_o again_o into_o myself_o though_o yet_o withal_o i_o forbear_v not_o to_o commit_v some_o offence_n against_o our_o lord_n but_o because_o i_o have_v not_o lose_v my_o way_n i_o go_v still_o on_o with_o fall_v &_o rise_v though_o yet_o but_o by_o little_a and_o little_a and_o he_o who_o never_o gives-ove_a to_o go_v forward_o will_v arrive_v at_o length_n by_o go_v soft_o though_o it_o be_v late_o for_o my_o part_n i_o conceive_v that_o for_o a_o soul_n to_o loose_v her_o way_n and_o to_o leave_v her_o prayer_n be_v indeed_o but_o one_o and_o the_o self_n same_o thing_n and_o our_o lord_n deliver_v we_o from_o it_o for_o his_o own_o mercy_n sake_n it_o be_v heerupon_o to_o be_v infer_v and_o i_o desire_v even_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n that_o it_o may_v be_v much_o observe_v that_o although_o a_o soul_n shall_v come_v to_o such_o pass_n as_o that_o our_o lord_n may_v do_v her_o great_a favour_n in_o prayer_n she_o must_v not_o yet_o be_v confident_a of_o herself_o since_o she_o may_v yet_o come_v to_o fall_v again_o and_o let_v she_o not_o by_o any_o mean_n expose_v herself_o to_o heed_n occasion_n of_o sinne._n let_v she_o be_v careful_a to_o consider_v thus_o much_o for_o the_o deceit_n of_o which_o the_o devil_n be_v wont_a to_o serve_v himself_o in_o this_o occasion_n be_v very_o great_a for_o though_o the_o favour_n which_o be_v impart_v to_o the_o soul_n be_v most_o certain_o from_o almighty_a god_n yet_o the_o traitor_n will_v not_o fail_v to_o serve_v himself_o of_o that_o very_a favour_n in_o whatsoever_o he_o can_v and_o especial_o for_o the_o disadvantage_n of_o person_n who_o be_v not_o strong_a in_o virtue_n and_o mortification_n nor_o be_v absolute_o untie_v and_o loose_a from_o all_o thing_n belong_v to_o this_o world_n for_o man_n in_o fine_a must_v know_v that_o they_o be_v not_o by_o mean_n of_o this_o prayer_n sufficient_o strengthen_v and_o fortify_v as_o i_o will_v declare_v afterward_o for_o the_o put_v themselves_o into_o occasion_n and_o danger_n how_o great_a desire_n and_o resolution_n soever_o they_o may_v have_v this_o be_v a_o excellent_a doctrine_n and_o it_o be_v not_o i_o but_o teach_v by_o almighty_a god_n himself_o and_o so_o i_o shall_v be_v glad_a that_o all_o ignorant_a person_n like_v i_o may_v learn_v it_o for_o though_o a_o soul_n be_v never_o so_o high_a in_o this_o state_n yet_o must_v she_o not_o trust_v herself_o so_o far_o as_o to_o go_v out_o to_o combat_v but_o she_o will_v have_v acquit_v herself_o well_o if_o she_o can_v defend_v herself_o so_o that_o in_o this_o state_n and_o condition_n it_o will_v be_v necessary_a for_o she_o to_o carry_v defensive_a arm_n against_o the_o devil_n for_o yet_o she_o have_v not_o strength_n enough_o wherewith_o to_o assault_v he_o and_o much_o less_o to_o tread_v he_o under_o foot_n as_o yet_o they_o will_v be_v able_a to_o do_v who_o shall_v find_v themselves_o in_o that_o state_n whereof_o i_o will_v discourse_v afterward_o but_o this_o be_v that_o devise_n and_o cosening-trick_n whereby_o the_o devil_n be_v wont_a to_o take_v we_o that_o when_o once_o he_o see_v a_o soul_n arrive_v to_o be_v so_o very_o near_o to_o our_o lord_n and_o which_o can_v judge_v so_o very_o well_o of_o the_o difference_n between_o the_o blessing_n which_o belong_v to_o this_o life_n and_o the_o next_o and_o of_o the_o love_n which_o our_o lord_n bear_v to_o that_o soul_n from_o this_o very_a love_n he_o make_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o confidence_n and_o security_n grow_v as_o that_o she_o shall_v never_o forsooth_o be_v able_a to_o fall_v from_o that_o which_o she_o be_v enjoy_v at_o that_o time_n and_o she_o also_o seem_v there-upon_o to_o eye_v her_o reward_n so_o very_o clear_o that_o she_o be_v easy_o bring_v to_o hold_v it_o even_o impossible_a for_o she_o to_o quit_v that_o which_o be_v so_o very_o delightful_a and_o gustfull_a even_o in_o this_o life_n for_o so_o base_a and_o filthy_a a_o thing_n as_o worldly_a pleasure_n be_v now_o by_o mean_n of_o this_o vain_a confidence_n do_v the_o devil_n grow_v to_o deprive_v she_o of_o the_o distrust_n which_o otherwise_o she_o will_v have_v of_o her_o own_o strength_n and_o thus_o she_o expose_v herself_o as_o i_o be_v say_v to_o danger_n and_o begin_v with_o a_o foolish_a kind_n of_o good_a zeal_n to_o be_v give_v the_o fruit_n of_o her_o garden_n away_o to_o other_o without_o any_o limit_n as_o believe_v now_o that_o she_o have_v no_o more_o cause_n so_o to_o be_v afraid_a concern_v herself_o and_o that_o this_o be_v not_o forsooth_o out_o of_o pride_n for_o the_o soul_n understand_v well_o enough_o that_o she_o be_v able_a to_o do_v nothing_o of_o herself_o but_o through_o the_o much_o temptation_n confidence_n which_o she_o have_v in_o almighty_a god_n yet_o all_o this_o be_v without_o discretion_n because_o
be_v never_o so_o much_o alone_o though_o yet_o i_o feel_v still_o that_o i_o know_v there_o be_v a_o god_n and_o i_o find_v also_o that_o it_o be_v my_o imagination_n and_o my_o understanding_n which_o do_v i_o so_o much_o hurt_v in_o these_o occasion_n and_o cafe_v for_o as_o for_o my_o will_n i_o think_v it_o stand_v right_a in_o i_o and_o that_o it_o be_v dispose_v to_o all_o goodness_n but_o this_o understanding_n of_o i_o be_v so_o entire_o lose_v that_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v no_o other_o thing_n than_o some_o furious_a and_o mad_a kind_n of_o fool_n who_o no_o body_n be_v able_a to_o bind_v nor_o be_o i_o so_o far_a mistress_n thereof_o as_o that_o i_o can_v make_v it_o quiet_a for_o one_o credo_fw-la sometime_o i_o fall_v on_o laugh_v and_o yet_o then_o do_v i_o know_v my_o misery_n and_o stand_v look_v upon_o my_o soul_n and_o permit_v she_o to_o do_v what_o she_o will_v and_o yet_o our_o lord_n be_v thank_v she_o never_o by_o any_o mean_n apply_v herself_o to_o any_o thing_n which_o be_v ill_a but_o only_o about_o thing_n which_o be_v indifferent_a if_o there_o be_v any_o thing_n which_o may_v occur_v to_o be_v do_v either_o here_o or_o there_o or_o any_o where_o else_o but_o thus_o i_o come_v to_o know_v better_o the_o incomparable_a mercy_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o upon_o his_o tying-up_a this_o mad_a fool_n when_o we_o be_v in_o perfect_a contemplation_n and_o here_o i_o consider_v what_o will_v become_v of_o i_o if_o such_o person_n as_o hold_v i_o now_o for_o good_a can_v discern_v i_o to_o have_v these_o idleness_n and_o impertinency_n which_o i_o have_v describe_v here_o but_o now_o i_o have_v very_o great_a compassion_n of_o a_o soul_n to_o find_v she_o in_o so_o ill_a company_n as_o this_o i_o will_v fain_o see_v she_o rather_o in_o liberty_n and_o i_o express_v myself_o in_o this_o manner_n to_o our_o bless_a lord_n when_o o_o my_o god_n shall_v i_o arrive_v to_o see_v my_o soul_n all_o conjoin_a and_o unite_v together_o in_o celebrate_v thy_o praise_n that_o so_o all_o the_o power_n thereof_o may_v admire_v thou_o permit_v not_o heerafrer_n o_o lord_n that_o she_o wander_v up_o and_o down_o by_o piece_n for_o now_o it_o seem_v no_o otherwise_o then_o as_o if_o every_o one_o of_o the_o same_o power_n be_v run_v up_o and_o down_o in_o a_o several_a way_n these_o thing_n pass_v thus_o very_o often_o and_o i_o understand_v also_o very_o well_o that_o sometime_o the_o little_a corporal_a health_n i_o have_v contribute_v much_o to_o these_o inconvenience_n i_o also_o reflect_v much_o by_o these_o occasion_n upon_o the_o hurt_n which_o the_o sin_n of_o our_o first_o parent_n have_v do_v we_o for_o i_o think_v it_o be_v grow_v from_o thence_o that_o we_o be_v incapable_a to_o enjoy_v so_o great_a a_o good_a and_o my_o own_o sin_n be_v a_o great_a part_n of_o the_o cause_n for_o certain_o if_o i_o have_v not_o commit_v so_o many_o i_o shall_v have_v remain_v more_o entire_a and_o free_a towards_o the_o do_n 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mortify_v her_o passion_n and_o yet_o these_o man_n will_v needs_o expect_v that_o she_o shall_v remain_v as_o entire_a and_o firm_a as_o they_o have_v read_v of_o saint_n themselves_o after_o they_o be_v confirm_v in_o grace_n the_o particular_n which_o occur_v in_o this_o kind_n be_v to_o give_v a_o man_n cause_n to_o wonder_n and_o withal_o even_o to_o afflict_v we_o to_o the_o hart_n to_o see_v so_o many_o soul_n turn_v back_o again_o which_o know_v not_o poor_a creature_n as_o they_o be_v what_o shift_n to_o make_v for_o themselves_o and_o so_o do_v i_o believe_v that_o i_o have_v also_o do_v if_o our_o
little_a in_o the_o monastery_n the_o devil_n also_o will_v be_v sure_a to_o help_v to_o be_v partly_o a_o mean_n that_o i_o may_v remain_v little_a at_o home_n for_o always_o by_o my_o impart_v to_o some_o of_o the_o religious_a there_o those_o good_a thing_n which_o i_o have_v learn_v of_o other_o with_o who_o i_o use_v to_o converse_v they_o receive_v much_o advantage_n and_o good_a but_o yet_o once_o be_v there_o with_o a_o certain_a person_n it_o happen_v that_o she_o say_v both_o to_o i_o and_o other_o what_o say_v you_o if_o we_o shall_v become_v like_o those_o religious_a woman_n who_o go_v barefoot_a for_o perhaps_o it_o may_v be_v possible_a in_o time_n to_o make_v some_o monastery_n of_o that_o kind_n but_o now_o i_o have_v also_o these_o very_a same_o desire_n begin_v to_o treat_v the_o business_n with_o that_o widow_n my_o companion_n and_o friend_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o who_o have_v also_o the_o same_o desire_n with_o i_o upon_o this_o she_o begin_v to_o cast_v 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not_o fail_v to_o be_v make_v and_o that_o he_o will_v be_v serve_v much_o in_o it_o and_o that_o it_o shall_v be_v call_v by_o the_o name_n of_o s._n joseph_n and_o that_o himself_o will_v keep_v we_o safe_a at_o one_o of_o the_o gate_n and_o his_o mother_n our_o b._n lady_n at_o the_o other_o and_o that_o christ_n our_o lord_n will_v continue_v with_o we_o and_o that_o the_o place_n shall_v prove_v to_o be_v even_o a_o star_n which_o will_v yield_v great_a brightness_n and_o splendour_n of_o itself_o and_o that_o though_o other_o religious_a order_n be_v then_o relax_v man_n must_v not_o think_v that_o he_o be_v but_o little_o serve_v by_o they_o and_o what_o shall_v become_v of_o the_o world_n if_o it_o be_v not_o for_o religious_a person_n and_o that_o i_o shall_v tell_v my_o ghostly_a father_n that_o he_o have_v command_v i_o all_o this_o and_o that_o he_o wish_v he_o not_o to_o oppose_v it_o nor_o to_o divert_v i_o from_o it_o and_o this_o vision_n which_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o be_v follow_v by_o so_o great_a effect_n that_o the_o speech_n which_o be_v use_v therein_o be_v such_o and_o utter_v in_o such_o a_o manner_n that_o i_o can_v not_o possible_o doubt_v but_o that_o it_o be_v he_o how_o soever_o i_o be_v still_o in_o extreme_a pain_n because_o the_o great_a disquiet_n and_o trouble_n which_o i_o be_v sure_o the_o thing_n will_v cost_v do_v partly_o represent_v themselves_o to_o i_o and_o consider_v how_o extreme_o well_o content_a i_o be_v in_o that_o first_o house_n and_o though_o former_o i_o have_v treat_v of_o this_o other_o business_n yet_o it_o be_v not_o with_o any_o such_o resolution_n and_o certainty_n as_o if_o it_o may_v be_v sure_a to_o take_v effect_n now_o here_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o the_o reward_n set_v itself_o instant_o before_o i_o for_o the_o do_v it_o but_o yet_o when_o i_o see_v that_o it_o be_v likely_a to_o be_v a_o thing_n of_o very_o great_a disquiet_n and_o trouble_v i_o be_v still_o in_o a_o kind_n of_o doubt_n what_o i_o will_v final_o do_v and_o yet_o they_o be_v so_o many_o several_a time_n that_o our_o lord_n renew_v his_o speech_n to_o i_o upon_o this_o subject_n represent_v so_o many_o cause_n and_o reason_n for_o it_o that_o i_o see_v clear_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v his_o will_n so_o that_o now_o i_o think_v no_o more_o of_o any_o thing_n else_o but_o only_o to_o acquaint_v my_o ghostly_a father_n with_o it_o and_o so_o i_o give_v he_o all_o that_o which_o have_v occur_v in_o write_v as_o for_o he_o he_o dare_v not_o resolut_o will_v i_o to_o give_v it_o over_o but_o see_v that_o there_o be_v little_a appearance_n to_o carry_v it_o through_o according_a to_o the_o discourse_n of_o natural_a reason_n in_o regard_n that_o my_o companion_n and_o friend_n who_o be_v the_o only_o person_n who_o be_v to_o do_v it_o have_v very_o little_a or_o no_o mean_n to_o effect_v it_o he_o wish_v i_o to_o treat_v of_o it_o with_o the_o prelate_n who_o be_v my_o superior_a and_o that_o i_o shall_v do_v therein_o what_o he_o ordain_v but_o i_o speak_v not_o of_o these_o vision_n with_o that_o prelate_n but_o that_o lady_n treat_v with_o he_o and_o tell_v he_o that_o she_o desire_v to_o erect_v a_o new_a monastery_n and_o the_o provincial_n do_v very_o glad_o give_v way_n for_o he_o be_v a_o friend_n of_o all_o religious_a observance_n and_o piety_n and_o so_o he_o afford_v all_o the_o favour_n which_o be_v needful_a and_o tell_v she_o that_o he_o will_v admit_v and_o accept_v the_o house_n they_o speak_v then_o of_o the_o revenue_n which_o it_o be_v to_o have_v and_o we_o never_o incline_v to_o let_v it_o consist_v of_o more_o than_o thirteen_o religious_a &_o this_o for_o many_o reason_n but_o before_o we_o begin_v to_o treat_v of_o the_o matter_n thus_o far_o we_o write_v to_o the_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n and_o acquaint_v he_o with_o all_o that_o which_o pass_v and_o he_o counsel_v we_o to_o proceed_v in_o this_o design_n and_o he_o send_v we_o his_o opinion_n upon_o the_o whole_a business_n but_o now_o this_o purpose_n of_o we_o be_v no_o soon_o know_v over_o the_o town_n than_o there_o do_v instant_o grow_v to_o be_v such_o a_o persecution_n against_o we_o as_o can_v be_v write_v in_o few_o word_n the_o scoff_n the_o icare_n the_o laugh_a the_o say_n that_o it_o be_v a_o foolery_n and_o senseless_a toy_n that_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v well_o enough_o in_o my_o monastery_n but_o for_o my_o companion_n and_o friend_n they_o cast_v such_o a_o load_n of_o persecution_n upon_o she_o that_o they_o even_o overlay_v she_o as_o for_o i_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v for_o i_o thought_n that_o they_o have_v partly_o some_o reason_n but_o be_v thus_o distress_v and_o recommend_v myself_o one_o day_n to_o almighty_a god_n his_o divine_a majesty_n begin_v to_o comfort_v and_o encourage_v i_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o now_o i_o may_v see_v through_o what_o difficulty_n those_o saint_n have_v pass_v who_o have_v found_v the_o religious_a order_n of_o the_o church_n and_o that_o we_o be_v to_o pass_v through_o many_o more_o persecution_n than_o i_o can_v imagine_v but_o that_o yet_o we_o shall_v not_o be_v trouble_v at_o all_o he_o tell_v i_o also_o some_o thing_n which_o i_o be_v to_o deliver_v to_o my_o companion_n and_o the_o thing_n at_o which_o i_o wonder_v most_o be_v that_o instant_o we_o be_v comfort_v in_o respect_n of_o all_o that_o which_o be_v pass_v and_o encourage_v for_o all_o that_o which_o be_v to_o be_v future_a and_o it_o be_v certain_a that_o there_o be_v not_o in_o all_o that_o town_n any_o one_o person_n of_o prayer_n nay_o in_o fine_a there_o be_v scarce_o any_o one_o at_o all_o who_o do_v not_o oppose_v we_o at_o that_o time_n and_o who_o think_v not_o this_o design_n to_o be_v a_o most_o senseless_a thing_n there_o be_v so_o many_o jest_n and_o learing_n and_o stir_n in_o our_o very_a monastery_n that_o now_o even_o the_o provincial_n oppose_v himself_o stiff_o against_o we_o and_o he_o change_v his_o former_a opinion_n and_o now_o will_v no_o long_o admit_v the_o house_n but_o say_v that_o the_o rent_n be_v both_o little_a and_o beside_o not_o very_o secure_a and_o that_o there_o be_v very_o great_a contradiction_n he_o seem_v to_o have_v reason_n in_o all_o and_o in_o fine_a he_o gave-ove_a the_o business_n and_o will_v not_o admit_v the_o house_n now_o we_o who_o have_v already_o receive_v the_o first_o blow_n upon_o our_o own_o head_n be_v great_o trouble_v at_o it_o but_o particular_o it_o strike_v i_o much_o that_o the_o provincial_n be_v now_o find_v to_o be_v opposite_a for_o
desire_v for_o four_o or_o five_o year_n together_o before_o her_o end_n and_o then_o she_o die_v upon_o a_o sudden_a without_o be_v so_o much_o as_o visit_v and_o much_o less_o confess_v but_o the_o happiness_n be_v that_o according_a to_o the_o custom_n which_o she_o have_v hold_v there_o be_v little_o more_o than_o eight_o day_n expire_v after_o her_o last_o confession_n this_o make_v i_o a_o very_a glad_a woman_n when_o i_o know_v of_o her_o death_n and_o she_o stay_v a_o very_a short_a time_n in_o purgatory_n nor_o be_v it_o yet_o above_o eight_o day_n since_o our_o lord_n appear_v to_o i_o after_o i_o have_v receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n and_o be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v how_o he_o carry_v my_o sister_n soul_n into_o glory_n in_o all_o these_o year_n from_o the_o time_n when_o the_o particular_a concern_v she_o be_v tell_v i_o till_o her_o very_a death_n i_o forget_v not_o that_o which_o have_v be_v give_v i_o to_o be_v understand_v concern_v she_o as_o neither_o also_o do_v my_o companion_n for_o as_o soon_o as_o she_o have_v hear_v of_o my_o sister_n death_n she_o come_v towards_o i_o with_o much_o admiration_n to_o see_v how_o all_o have_v be_v fulfil_v let_v our_o lord_n be_v praise_v for_o ever_o who_o vouchsafe_v to_o take_v such_o care_n of_o soul_n to_o the_o end_n that_o they_o may_v not_o perish_v amen_n the_o five_o and_o thirty_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n about_o the_o foundation_n of_o this_o house_n of_o our_o glorious_a father_n s._n joseph_n she_o speak_v of_o the_o degree_n by_o which_o our_o lord_n come_v to_o appoint_v that_o holy_a poverty_n shall_v be_v ordain_v there_o and_o of_o the_o cause_n why_o she_o come_v from_o that_o lady_n with_o who_o she_o be_v and_o of_o other_o thing_n also_o which_o succeed_v but_o now_o whilst_o i_o be_v with_o that_o lady_n of_o who_o i_o have_v speak_v and_o with_o who_o i_o have_v remain_v more_o than_o half_a a_o year_n our_o lord_n do_v so_o ordain_v that_o a_o certain_a holy_a woman_n of_o our_o order_n fall_v out_o to_o come_v from_o a_o place_n which_o be_v no_o less_o than_o threescore_o and_o then_o league_n off_o from_o this_o and_o to_o arrive_v here_o and_o to_o lengthen_v her_o way_n by_o some_o league_n on_o purpose_n to_o speak_v with_o i_o our_o lord_n have_v move_v she_o to_o this_o in_o the_o selfsame_a year_n when_o he_o move_v i_o to_o make_v another_o monastery_n of_o this_o order_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o she_o have_v entertain_v this_o desire_n she_o sell_v whatsoever_o she_o possess_v and_o go_v herself_o barefoot_a to_o rome_n to_o get_v and_o bring-away_a the_o dispatch_n of_o this_o business_n this_o woman_n be_v a_o person_n of_o much_o penance_n and_o prayer_n and_o our_o lord_n do_v she_o many_o favour_n and_o our_o b._n lady_n appear_v to_o she_o and_o require_v she_o still_o to_o do_v what_o she_o be_v do_v and_o she_o serve_v our_o bless_a lord_n so_o incomparable_o beyond_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o can_v do_v that_o i_o be_v in_o confusion_n even_o to_o appear_v in_o her_o presence_n she_o show_v i_o the_o dispatch_n which_o she_o bring_v from_o rome_n and_o in_o those_o fifteen_o day_n which_o she_o stay_v with_o i_o we_o take_v order_n how_o we_o will_v make_v these_o monastery_n and_o till_o i_o have_v speak_v with_o she_o it_o never_o have_v come_v to_o my_o knowledge_n that_o our_o rule_n till_o it_o be_v relax_v do_v ever_o command_v that_o none_o of_o the_o religious_a house_n of_o our_o order_n shall_v have_v any_o propriety_n in_o any_o good_n nor_o have_v myself_o have_v any_o purpose_n to_o find_v any_o monastery_n at_o all_o without_o revenue_n for_o my_o intention_n be_v that_o we_o shall_v be_v free_a from_o the_o care_n of_o procure_v any_o such_o thing_n as_o we_o may_v be_v in_o necessity_n to_o use_v but_o this_o bless_a woman_n have_v be_v instruct_v by_o our_o lord_n be_v grow_v to_o understand_v that_o truth_n very_o well_o without_o be_v able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o read_v of_o which_o truth_n i_o be_v ignorant_a even_o after_o have_v take_v so_o much_o pain_n to_o read_v over_o the_o constitution_n of_o our_o order_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o she_o acquaint_v i_o with_o her_o purpose_n i_o like_v it_o well_o though_o yet_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o it_o will_v not_o be_v yield_v to_o but_o that_o they_o will_v say_v perhaps_o that_o these_o be_v but_o impertinency_n and_o wish_v that_o i_o will_v not_o do_v any_o thing_n whereby_o other_o may_v be_v put_v to_o suffer_v through_o my_o fault_n though_o yet_o in_o very_a deed_n if_o i_o have_v be_v alone_o i_o will_v not_o have_v be_v detain_v one_o minute_n from_o do_v it_o since_o it_o will_v be_v a_o regalo_n to_o my_o soul_n to_o observe_v &_o follow_v the_o counsel_n of_o jesus-christ_n our_o lord_n for_o real_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v already_o give_v i_o great_a desire_n to_o observe_v poverty_n so_o that_o for_o my_o part_n i_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o that_o this_o be_v best_a yea_o and_o i_o have_v long_o desire_v that_o it_o may_v be_v possible_a and_o compatible_a with_o my_o state_n that_o i_o may_v go_v beg_v my_o bread_n for_o the_o love_n of_o god_n without_o have_v so_o much_o as_o a_o house_n or_o any_o thing_n else_o but_o only_o i_o be_v in_o fear_n that_o if_o our_o bless_a lord_n shall_v not_o give_v the_o selfsame_a desire_n to_o other_o which_o he_o give_v to_o i_o they_o will_v live_v perhaps_o with_o disgust_n and_o consequent_o that_o it_o may_v prove_v a_o cause_n of_o some_o distraction_n or_o division_n for_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v some_o poor_a monastery_n which_o live_v not_o with_o much_o recollection_n and_o i_o consider_v not_o that_o their_o not_o be_v recollect_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o their_o be_v so_o poor_a and_o not_o their_o poverty_n the_o cause_n of_o their_o want_n of_o recollection_n for_o distraction_n make_v they_o not_o more_o rich_a nor_o be_v ever_o almighty_a god_n want_v to_o such_o as_o serve_v he_o in_o fine_a my_o faith_n be_v weak_a which_o that_o of_o this_o servant_n of_o god_n be_v not_o but_o now_o i_o who_o will_v be_v take_v the_o opinion_n of_o so_o many_o person_n for_o every_o thing_n which_o i_o be_v to_o do_v can_v find_v no_o body_n of_o this_o mind_n no_o nor_o even_o my_o ghostly_a father_n himself_o nor_o yet_o those_o other_o learned_a man_n who_o i_o consult_v in_o the_o case_n but_o they_o bring_v i_o so_o many_o reason_n against_o it_o that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o for_o i_o for_o my_o part_n who_o know_v already_o that_o it_o be_v the_o rule_n of_o the_o order_n and_o know_v also_o that_o it_o be_v a_o point_n of_o more_o perfection_n can_v not_o persuade_v myself_o to_o have_v revenue_n and_o though_o sometime_o they_o convince_v i_o towards_o their_o opinion_n yet_o still_o when_o i_o return_v to_o prayer_n and_o consider_v christ_n our_o lord_n so_o very_o poor_a and_o naked_a upon_o the_o cross_n i_o be_v not_o able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o find_v patience_n for_o be_v rich_a but_o i_o humble_o beseech_v he_o with_o tear_n to_o ordain_v thing_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o may_v be_v poor_a like_v he_o and_o i_o find_v so_o many_o inconvenience_n even_o in_o have_v revenue_n and_o find_v it_o to_o be_v so_o great_a a_o cause_n of_o disquiet_n yea_o and_o even_o of_o distraction_n also_o that_o i_o do_v nothing_o but_o dispute_v the_o business_n with_o those_o learned_a man_n i_o write_v also_o about_o it_o to_o that_o religious_a man_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n who_o assist_v we_o and_o he_o send_v i_o two_o sheet_n of_o paper_n which_o he_o have_v write_v by_o way_n of_o contradiction_n to_o i_o and_o he_o ground_v himself_o in_o theology_n for_o the_o persuade_v i_o not_o to_o do_v it_o yea_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o he_o have_v study_v the_o point_n very_o well_o to_o which_o i_o answer_v he_o that_o for_o not_o follow_v my_o vocation_n and_o for_o not_o perform_v the_o vow_n which_o i_o have_v make_v of_o poverty_n and_o embrace_v the_o counsel_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n in_o all_o perfection_n i_o mean_v not_o to_o make_v use_n of_o his_o theology_n nor_o of_o his_o learning_n and_o therefore_o that_o in_o this_o case_n he_o may_v be_v please_v to_o excuse_v i_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v very_o glad_a when_o i_o find_v any_o creature_n who_o will_v help_v i_o and_o the_o lady_n with_o who_o i_o be_v assist_v i_o particular_o herein_o there_o be_v other_o also_o who_o tell_v i_o instant_o at_o the_o first_o that_o they_o like_v it_o well_o but_o afterward_o when_o they_o consider_v it_o better_o they_o
in_o respect_n of_o he_o i_o accuse_v myself_o then_o as_o in_o fault_n yea_o and_o as_o very_o faulty_a and_o so_o i_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o i_o be_v in_o the_o opinion_n of_o all_o they_o who_o know_v not_o very_o much_o of_o the_o cause_n and_o after_o they_o have_v give_v i_o a_o great_a reprehension_n though_o not_o yet_o with_o so_o much_o rigour_n as_o the_o fault_n may_v seem_v to_o deserve_v and_o as_o many_o of_o they_o tell_v the_o provincial_n that_o i_o have_v commit_v i_o be_v absolute_o for_o my_o part_n resolve_v to_o hold_v on_o this_o course_n and_o so_o i_o rather_o desire_v that_o they_o shall_v pardon_v i_o and_o then_o punish_v i_o if_o they_o will_v but_o by_o no_o mean_n remain_v unkind_a or_o ill-affected_a towards_o i_o in_o some_o thing_n i_o plain_o see_v that_o they_o have_v no_o reason_n at_o all_o against_o i_o but_o that_o they_o condemn_v i_o without_o cause_n as_o when_o they_o say_v i_o have_v do_v whatsoever_o i_o have_v do_v to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v be_v hold_v in_o great_a opinion_n and_o to_o be_v talk_v of_o and_o such_o other_o toy_n as_o that_o but_o in_o other_o i_o see_v clear_o that_o they_o say_v true_a as_o namely_o that_o i_o be_v much_o worse_o than_o the_o rest_n and_o that_o since_o i_o have_v not_o keep_v the_o observance_n of_o that_o house_n which_o be_v maintain_v with_o so_o much_o piety_n and_o devotion_n there_o how_o can_v i_o come_v to_o think_v of_o perform_v another_o rule_n of_o more_o rigour_n and_o that_o this_o be_v but_o to_o raiseup_a novelty_n in_o the_o world_n and_o to_o scandalize_v the_o people_n but_o yet_o all_o this_o cause_v no_o tumult_n in_o my_o hart_n nor_o put_v i_o to_o any_o pain_n at_o all_o though_o yet_o i_o show_v to_o be_v in_o some_o lest_o otherwise_o they_o may_v conceive_v that_o i_o undervalue_v what_o they_o say_v but_o in_o fine_a the_o provincial_n command_v i_o to_o give_v account_n of_o myself_o to_o they_o of_o the_o former_a monastery_n and_o that_o i_o must_v necessary_o do_v it_o and_o so_o be_v at_o great_a peace_n within_o myself_o and_o our_o lord_n assist_v i_o therein_o i_o give_v such_o a_o discharge_n of_o my_o action_n as_o that_o neither_o the_o provincial_n nor_o the_o religious_a woman_n who_o be_v in_o that_o assembly_n find_v any_o thing_n for_o which_o to_o condemn_v i_o after_o this_o i_o speak_v more_o plain_o to_o he_o in_o private_a and_o i_o do_v it_o also_o more_o at_o large_a and_o he_o be_v very_o well_o satisfy_v with_o i_o and_o promise_v i_o that_o if_o the_o city_n shall_v proceed_v towards_o a_o be_v quiet_a again_o he_o will_v give_v i_o leave_v to_o go_v to_o my_o monastery_n but_o the_o disorder_n and_o distemper_n of_o the_o city_n be_v so_o very_o great_a as_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v within_o two_o or_o three_o day_n after_o that_o time_n the_o governor_n and_o other_o magistrate_n of_o the_o town_n and_o some_o also_o of_o the_o chapter_n of_o the_o cathedral_n church_n meet_v together_o and_o they_o all_o declare_v joint_o that_o by_o no_o mean_n they_o must_v permit_v the_o work_n to_o go_v forward_o that_o it_o will_v result_v to_o the_o evident_a disadvantage_n of_o the_o commonwealth_n that_o they_o must_v not_o fail_v to_o remove_v the_o b._n sacrament_n from_o thence_o and_o by_o no_o mean_n permit_v the_o business_n to_o proceed_v one_o only_o doctor_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n although_o he_o be_v of_o a_o contrary_a opinion_n to_o we_o i_o mean_v not_o in_o that_o point_n of_o the_o monastery_n but_o in_o that_o other_o of_o be_v incapable_a of_o revenue_n and_o poor_a say_v that_o there_o be_v no_o cause_n why_o the_o house_n shall_v instant_o be_v dissolve_v after_o that_o manner_n but_o that_o it_o ought_v to_o be_v well_o consider_v that_o there_o will_v be_v time_n enough_o for_o this_o that_o it_o be_v a_o case_n which_o belong_v to_o the_o bishop_n and_o diverse_a other_o thing_n of_o this_o kind_n which_o do_v very_o much_o good_a to_o the_o business_n for_o consider_v how_o great_a the_o fury_n of_o the_o people_n be_v it_o be_v happy_a that_o they_o do_v not_o put_v the_o dissolve_v of_o the_o house_n present_o in_o execution_n and_o this_o show_v that_o the_o thing_n in_o fine_a be_v to_o take_v effect_n and_o that_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o have_v it_o so_o and_o that_o they_o all_o can_v do_v little_a against_o his_o will_n and_o pleasure_n but_o yet_o they_o all_o assign_v their_o reason_n and_o express_v good_a zeal_n in_o what_o they_o say_v and_o yet_o thus_o without_o their_o give_a offence_n to_o almighty_a god_n they_o make_v both_o i_o and_o diverse_a other_o suffer_v who_o favour_v the_o business_n the_o tumultuous_a disposition_n of_o the_o people_n be_v so_o great_a that_o now_o there_o be_v no_o talk_n of_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o they_o all_o agree_v in_o condemn_v i_o and_o in_o go_v to_o complain_v of_o i_o to_o the_o provincial_n and_o to_o my_o monastery_n as_o for_o i_o i_o be_v no_o more_o trouble_v at_o what_o they_o say_v then_o if_o they_o have_v not_o say_v it_o but_o the_o only_o fear_v i_o have_v be_v whether_o or_o no_o they_o will_v dissolve_v the_o house_n for_o this_o put_v i_o to_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n and_o so_o also_o do_v it_o to_o see_v that_o the_o person_n who_o assist_v i_o lose_v credit_n and_o be_v otherwise_o also_o put_v to_o much_o inconvenience_n by_o it_o but_o as_o for_o that_o which_o they_o say_v of_o i_o i_o be_v rather_o glad_v of_o it_o than_o otherwise_o and_o if_o i_o have_v have_v any_o faith_n it_o will_v have_v make_v no_o alteration_n in_o i_o at_o all_o but_o when_o there_o be_v a_o want_n in_o some_o one_o virtue_n all_o the_o rest_n be_v wont_a to_o be_v cast_v into_o a_o kind_n of_o slumber_n and_o so_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v during_o those_o two_o day_n wherein_o the_o two_o assembly_n whereof_o i_o speak_v be_v make_v among_o the_o people_n and_o i_o be_v very_o much_o afflict_v our_o lord_n say_v these_o word_n to_o i_o do_v thou_o not_o know_v that_o i_o be_o powerful_a of_o what_o be_v thou_o afraid_a and_o thus_o do_v he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o house_n shall_v not_o be_v dissolve_v whereby_o i_o remain_v full_a of_o comfort_n but_o then_o do_v they_o dispatch_v their_o agent_n or_o sollicitour_n to_o the_o council_n royal_a with_o their_o information_n and_o so_o there_o come_v order_n from_o thencÄ—_n to_o send_v a_o relation_n thither_o of_o the_o whole_a proceed_n so_o that_o heet_n we_o may_v behold_v the_o beginning_n of_o a_o great_a suit_n in_o law_n for_o already_o some_o be_v go_v to_o the_o court_n on_o the_o part_n of_o the_o city_n &_o other_o be_v instant_o to_o go_v on_o the_o part_n of_o the_o monastery_n and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n neither_o have_v we_o any_o money_n nor_o do_v i_o know_v what_o to_o do_v but_o our_o lord_n provide_v all_o thing_n for_o us._n and_o as_o for_o i_o my_o father_n provincial_a do_v never_o forbid_v i_o to_o deal_v in_o it_o for_o he_o be_v so_o true_a a_o friend_n to_o all_o virtue_n that_o although_o he_o do_v not_o assist_v in_o the_o work_n yet_o he_o will_v not_o be_v against_o it_o though_o yet_o withal_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o he_o will_v never_o give_v i_o leave_v to_o pass_v to_o this_o new_a monastery_n till_o he_o may_v see_v what_o kind_n of_o end_n the_o business_n will_v have_v in_o the_o mean_a time_n the_o servant_n of_o god_n be_v all_o alone_a and_o do_v more_o with_o their_o prayer_n than_o all_o that_o which_o i_o be_v able_a to_o do_v by_o way_n of_o negotiation_n though_o yet_o still_o it_o be_v necessary_a to_o use_v diligence_n enough_o sometime_o it_o will_v seem_v that_o all_o be_v want_v and_o especial_o one_o day_n before_o the_o provincial_n come_v hither_o when_o the_o prioress_n command_v i_o not_o to_o treat_v any_o more_o about_o that_o business_n but_o to_o give_v it_o utter_o over_o but_o than_o go_v i_o to_o almighty_a god_n and_o say_v o_o my_o lord_n this_o house_n be_v not_o i_o but_o it_o be_v make_v for_o thou_o and_o now_o there_o be_v no_o creature_n to_o negotiate_v the_o business_n for_o we_o and_o therefore_o thy_o divine_a majesty_n must_v be_v please_v to_o do_v it_o heerupon_o i_o find_v myself_o real_o and_o instant_o at_o so_o great_a ease_n and_o so_o without_o any_o manner_n of_o trouble_n as_o if_o i_o have_v have_v the_o whole_a world_n on_o my_o side_n to_o employ_v itself_o for_o i_o and_o so_o i_o hold_v all_o the_o business_n to_o be_v in_o safety_n upon_o this_o a_o certain_a priest_n a_o very_a great_a servant_n of_o
lord_n with_o such_o a_o abundance_n of_o mercy_n have_v not_o dispatch_v all_o that_o business_n alone_o for_o till_o he_o out_o of_o his_o own_o goodness_n do_v so_o your_o reverence_n will_v already_o have_v see_v that_o on_o my_o part_n there_o be_v nothing_o at_o all_o but_o only_o rise_v and_o fall_v over_o and_o over_o i_o will_v fain_o express_v this_o point_n home_n for_o i_o believe_v that_o many_o soul_n grow_v to_o be_v abuse_v and_o deceive_v because_o they_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o fly_v before_o almighty_a god_n give_v they_o wing_n i_o conceive_v that_o i_o have_v former_o use_v this_o comparison_n but_o it_o come_v also_o very_a well_o in_o here_o for_o i_o find_v that_o many_o soul_n be_v much_o afflict_v upon_o this_o occasion_n as_o namely_o when_o they_o begin_v with_o great_a desire_n and_o resolution_n to_o go_v forward_o in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n and_o some_o do_v even_o give-ove_a all_o for_o love_v thereof_o forasmuch_o as_o concern_v exterior_a thing_n and_o yet_o see_v more_o advantageous_a effect_n and_o fruit_n of_o such_o virtue_n as_o our_o lord_n have_v infuse_v into_o the_o soul_n of_o other_o who_o be_v more_o proficient_a then_o into_o they_o and_o that_o they_o can_v perform_v certain_a thing_n which_o be_v set_v down_o in_o those_o book_n which_o be_v write_v of_o prayer_n and_o contemplation_n which_o man_n be_v advise_v to_o use_v so_o to_o make_v themselves_o ascend_v up_o the_o better_a and_o the_o high_a to_o this_o dignity_n and_o in_o fine_a when_o they_o can_v instant_o obtain_v these_o thing_n they_o discomfort_n and_o afflict_v themselves_o as_o for_o example_n not_o to_o care_v a_o straw_n if_o any_o body_n shall_v speak_v ill_a of_o we_o but_o rather_o to_o take_v more_o contentment_n in_o it_o then_o when_o they_o praise_v we_o to_o have_v very_o little_a esteem_n of_o our_o honour_n to_o be_v perfect_o untie_v from_o the_o care_n of_o kindred_n and_o friend_n and_o not_o to_o desire_v to_o converse_v with_o they_o but_o rather_o to_o be_v weary_a of_o their_o company_n unless_o they_o be_v person_n of_o prayer_n and_o many_o other_o thing_n of_o this_o kind_n which_o must_v in_o my_o opinion_n come_v from_o the_o gift_n of_o almighty_a god_n because_o i_o hold_v they_o for_o supernatural_a blessing_n and_o very_o contrary_a to_o our_o own_o natural_a inclination_n and_o therefore_o let_v they_o not_o be_v afflict_v but_o put_v their_o trust_n in_o our_o lord_n that_o so_o what_o now_o they_o have_v in_o desire_n his_o divine_a majesty_n may_v be_v please_v to_o give_v they_o afterward_o with_o effect_n and_o fruit_n by_o mean_n of_o prayer_n and_o by_o their_o do_v on_o their_o part_n what_o they_o can_v for_o it_o be_v a_o most_o necessary_a thing_n for_o this_o weak_a and_o poor_a nature_n of_o we_o to_o place_v a_o great_a confidence_n in_o our_o b._n lord_n &_o not_o to_o put_v ourselves_o out_o of_o hart_n nor_o to_o think_v but_o that_o if_o we_o will_v proceed_v with_o courage_n we_o shall_v be_v victorious_a and_o because_o i_o have_v much_o experience_n hereof_o i_o will_v speak_v a_o word_n or_o two_o by_o way_n of_o advice_n to_o your_o reverence_n for_o you_o must_v not_o think_v though_o it_o may_v appear_v as_o if_o it_o be_v true_a that_o any_o virtue_n be_v already_o gain_v unless_o it_o be_v first_o compare_v and_o experiment_v by_o the_o vice_n which_o be_v contrary_a to_o it_o and_o we_o must_v always_o remain_v doubtful_a and_o suspicious_a and_o not_o cast_v off_o our_o care_n as_o long_o as_o we_o be_v the_o owner_n of_o our_o life_n for_o our_o weakness_n stick_v close_o and_o fast_o to_o we_o unless_o as_o i_o be_v say_v before_o the_o whole_a benefit_n be_v impart_v to_o we_o by_o divine_a grace_n to_o the_o end_n that_o we_o may_v know_v what_o all_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o life_n be_v worth_a and_o that_o there_o be_v never_o any_o such_o thing_n as_o can_v be_v term_v all_o but_o in_o company_n of_o many_o danger_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o some_o few_o year_n ago_o that_o not_o only_o i_o be_v not_o inordinate_o tie_v to_o the_o love_n of_o any_o of_o my_o kindred_n but_o rather_o that_o i_o be_v weary_a of_o they_o and_o it_o be_v real_o very_o true_a that_o there_o be_v time_n when_o i_o will_v not_o so_o much_o as_o endure_v their_o conversation_n but_o yet_o afterward_o there_o occur_v a_o certain_a business_n of_o much_o importance_n which_o oblige_v i_o to_o remain_v with_o a_o certain_a sister_n of_o i_o who_o former_o i_o have_v love_v with_o very_o extraordinary_a affection_n and_o now_o be_v come_v again_o to_o converse_v with_o she_o we_o suit_v not_o so_o very_o well_o with_o one_o another_o for_o though_o she_o be_v better_a than_o i_o yet_o be_v of_o a_o different_a condition_n from_o i_o in_o regard_n that_o she_o be_v marry_v the_o conversation_n be_v not_o always_o that_o which_o i_o can_v have_v wish_v and_o therefore_o i_o like_v to_o be_v alone_o as_o much_o as_o convenient_o i_o may_v but_o yet_o after_o a_o while_n i_o find_v that_o her_o trouble_n and_o affair_n bring_v i_o more_o resentment_n and_o care_n by_o much_o than_o such_o other_o do_v as_o belong_v to_o any_o christian_a neighbour_n of_o i_o at_o large_a and_o this_o give_v i_o some_o little_a disgust_n against_o myself_o for_o so_o in_o fine_a i_o come_v to_o know_v that_o i_o be_v not_o so_o very_o free_a and_o untie_v as_o i_o have_v former_o conceive_v and_o that_o moreover_o i_o be_v to_o have_v avoid_v the_o occasion_n to_o the_o end_n that_o so_o this_o virtue_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v begin_v to_o give_v i_o may_v have_v get_v strength_n and_o i_o have_v procure_v through_o his_o favour_n to_o proceed_v in_o this_o manner_n ever_o since_o when_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o impart_v a_o virtue_n to_o a_o soul_n it_o be_v to_o be_v hold_v in_o great_a account_n and_o by_o no_o mean_n be_v we_o to_o expose_v it_o to_o the_o danger_n of_o be_v lose_v so_o be_v it_o in_o those_o thing_n which_o concern_v reputation_n and_o honour_n and_o so_o also_o in_o other_o and_o your_o reverence_n may_v well_o believe_v that_o not_o all_o they_o and_o we_o who_o esteem_v ourselves_o to_o be_v absolute_o untie_v from_o all_o thing_n be_v yet_o so_o indeed_o and_o we_o have_v need_n enough_o not_o to_o be_v slack_a or_o negligent_a herein_o for_o whatsoever_o person_n there_o be_v who_o feel_v any_o care_n at_o all_o of_o any_o one_o point_n of_o honour_n in_o himself_o let_v he_o believe_v i_o if_o he_o mean_v to_o profit_v in_o spirit_n that_o there_o be_v ever_o a_o certain_a tie_n at_o the_o end_n of_o it_o and_o it_o be_v by_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o chain_n as_o that_o there_o be_v no_o file_n in_o the_o world_n but_o god_n and_o prayer_n and_o very_o much_o endeavour_v on_o our_o part_n which_o will_v possible_o be_v able_a to_o divide_v it_o &_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v so_o fast_o a_o knot_n that_o i_o be_o amaze_v to_o see_v the_o mischief_n which_o it_o bring_v sometime_o i_o see_v certain_a person_n who_o seem_v to_o be_v even_a saint_n by_o their_o work_n for_o they_o do_v so_o very_a many_o and_o so_o great_a one_o that_o the_o world_n do_v even_o admire_v they_o and_o exclaim_v after_o this_o manner_n dear_a god_n and_o how_o come_v it_o to_o pass_v that_o such_o a_o soul_n as_o that_o do_v still_o inhabit_v the_o earth_n be_v he_o not_o already_o at_o the_o very_a top_n of_o perfection_n what_o be_v this_o and_o what_o can_v detain_v such_o a_o man_n from_o be_v a_o direct_a and_o downright_a saint_n who_o do_v so_o great_a thing_n for_o god_n but_o my_o answer_n to_o this_o question_n be_v that_o this_o man_n have_v yet_o perhaps_o some_o little_a consideration_n &_o care_n of_o preserve_v some_o point_n of_o honour_n for_o himself_o yea_o and_o the_o worst_a of_o this_o business_n be_v that_o he_o will_v by_o no_o mean_n believe_v that_o in_o very_a deed_n there_o be_v any_o such_o thing_n and_o that_o happen_v because_o sometime_o the_o devil_n make_v he_o conceive_v that_o he_o be_v even_o oblige_v to_o have_v a_o great_a care_n of_o it_o well_o yet_o let_v they_o harken_v to_o i_o i_o beseech_v they_o and_o together_o even_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n i_o beg_v of_o they_o that_o they_o will_v believe_v this_o poor_a little_a miserable_a ant_n who_o our_o lord_n command_v to_o speak_v that_o unless_o they_o free_v themselves_o from_o this_o caterpillar_n though_o perhaps_o it_o may_v not_o destroy_v the_o whole_a tree_n because_o some_o other_o virtue_n do_v still_o peradventure_o remain_v yet_o even_o all_o those_o very_a virtue_n will_v be_v worm-eaten_a nor_o will_v it_o ever_o be_v a_o beautiful_a