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A84910 The French rogue: or, The life of Monsieur Ragoue de Versailles Containing his parentage; monstrous birth, early rogueries, pleasant and witty pranks, not only in France, but in divers other countries. With the strange and wonderful plots, projects, policies and stratagems, by which he contrived, managed, and brought about his villanies, and escaped many dangers; and more particularly the prank he played with the French king, &c. All very comical and delightful. Done from the original by J.S. 1694 (1694) Wing F2196C; ESTC R226224 68,321 202

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Horse-whip which at every Lash I thought had cut me in two and made me roar out as loud as the other had done And indeed I had greater Cause for I since concluded theirs was only in Jest and mine down-right Earnest for they were worse than Bridewell strokes still circling my Waist and Shoulders I flew to my Bed thinking to get under the Cloaths for a Refuge but found they were taken away so that I had no other shelter than to creep under it In the mean while some body had dung'd just in the middle of my Couch and layed the Cloaths on again And by this time the Inn-keeper the better to colour the business came thundring at the Door demanding what the cause was of Clamour at such an unseasonable time of Night Whereupon I heard one or Two leap out at the Window into a Back-Yard and the noise of the Whip ceased And by this time my Host had jumbled open the Door or unlocked it with another Key and was entred with a light bringing his Ostler and Tapster at his Heels and running hastily forward being a huge Two-Handed Fellow he beat me over and over I thought now they were come to shew me the Italian Trick which I had heard of in my own Country viz. To circumcise my Jugulars with a Rasor or pink my Jacket with a Ponyard which put me into a greater Fear than before after having rowl'd about with me a little while and pretending to know by my voice who it was he kindly raised me up and begged my Pardon saying He took me for one of the Thieves But I afterwards understood the Cause of this pretended Error was to give these Hell-Hounds opportunity to see whether the others had made clear Work with my Pockets or to take the Gleanings I took this Apology however in good part as knowing not how to help it he then took me by the hand and lead me under the Curtain Partition where I unexpectedly found Two Beds in one of them was one of the Bravo's and his Mort whom he called his Wife and in the t'other the other who had supped with me they lamentably complained of the Stripes they had received The Devil take the Rogues said they they have flea'd our Skins I had like said the first that opened his Mouth to have catched one of them he narrowly slipt thro' my hands but I reached his Buttocks with the point of my Ponyard as he was leaping out at the Window and gave him a Mark for his Roguery Upon this the Host and his Men promising to sit up and watch the remainder of the Night weary and much out of order I got me again to Bed and presently fell asleep without perceiving the Bedfellow I had gotten My sleep was not however so sound but I often turned from one side to another insomuch that when I awaked I found my self anointed all over with Pilgrims Salve As soon as day appeared they all came to my Bed-side to utter their mutual though dissembled Complaints I kept close and answered them but little desiring to lye longer for I had but little sleep that night they knew as well as I the cause of my Delay and therefore out of Courtesie as they said began to move the Bed-Cloaths to cover me better which so scented the Chamber that they were forced to hold their Noses and retire at some distance The Host who knew what was done immediately came and desired me to rise for that some Gentlemen who had travelled all night were come in weary and desired to lye down to refresh themselves a while I knew not well what Excuse to make but feigned to swoon away whereupon they raised me up and bent my Fingers so hard under pretence of recovering them that they pulled two of them out of Joint at last I perceived all was discovered and it could be no longer hid out I jumpt and stunk 'em to an awful Distance My Host perceiving how finely the Sheets were gilded tho' I made many Excuses began to grumble like a Dog between two Doors swearing he would have satisfaction for the Abuse of his Linnen but the Two Bravo's interceeding on my behalf that such a Misfortune in such Frights might happen to the best of Gentlemen he seemed to be pacified and ordered me a Tub of Water to sweeten my self in after I had for some time lain battling in my Dung which being placed under the Pump they pumpt so fast on me that I was almost stifl'd This put me in mind how I had served my Old Master who was here in some measure revenged But oh the miserablest Part was yet behind when I came to look for my Cloaths they were vanished together with all my Moneys c. at this I cryed out with a lamentable Voice I was undone I had lost Four hundred Crowns in Gold besides Rings and Jewels of as great a value At this they began to stare as if they scarcely gave credit to what I said but I continuing to affirm it they swore in a seeming great Rage they would find out the Rogues tho' they went to a Conjurer and so left me in a naked Condition to the mercy of my Host I never seeing them more tho' I believe they needed not have consulted the Devil to know who had robbed me no more than they might have doubted going to him themselves when they dyed But by these Tricks perhaps I may gain Wit T' enable me Rogues in their kind to fit He ne'er can Bite well that was never Bit. Ragoue go on then in thy swift Career And make thy Roguery imminent appear That all may wonder when thy Pranks they hear Being thus gulled and cheated of all I had but those Pistoles I sowed up in the Collar of my Shirt I begged to have an old Frock to cover me which I could not obtain till they see I had ript out some Treasure at which sight my Host grinn'd and applauded my Policy in making some Reserve in time of Danger though I doubt not but at the same time he wished his Comrogues had stript me to the Skin that I might have no place suspected to hide a Silver spangle in For it is past all peradventure but he came in for the largest Snack and lived mostly by the practice of such Vermine but being in a strange Place unskilled in the Laws of the Country and not knowing how to remedy my self I was obliged to be silent and in haste to be gone cut of so wicked a House wherefore sending for a Taylor he fitted me with some second-hand Cloaths at a moderate Rate so having returned the Frock and disposed of a Crown for a double-dyed Hat not worth Twelve pence with some small Expences to the House I departed with a heavy Heart when having got some Miles distant down I sate me by a Wood-side to bemoan my Misfortunes but finding no boot to stay there up I got and trudged on my intended Design For being made
and then to be Lawndry-Maid to Fair Lucinda a Marquis's Daughter and so perfectly in little time learn'd the Art of Wheedling and Flattery which she carry'd on so smoothly that many were insensibly drawn into a good liking of her facetious way of Discourse and Carriage and so infascinated at length they were that they found themselves uneasie without her Company 〈◊〉 Conversation and therefore much coveted it She was not slow in perceiving the Ascendant she had over them upon this account and resolved to turn it to her Advantage She had frequent B●…bes from their amorous Admirers to introduce them deliver Letters or plead their Love-sick Causes or Plaints to the Charming Fair Ones which she did in so opportune and moving a time and manner that Success usually attended her Endeavours She often on the other hand manag'd the Ladies Intreagues and was conscious of their stoln Pleasures She was it being a thing very rarely found in the Sex excellent at sealing up a Secret from the Eyes and Ears of babbling Fame imprisoning what they intrusted her with as securely in her Bosom as a Silk-worm housed in a strong Box and made it part of her business to secure their Honours and Reputations to provide them Country Retirements and faithful Nurses when Nature compell'd them to disburthen the Products of their stoln Pleasures excusing their Absence if Enquiry was made by informing the Inquisitive That my young Lady was gone to pass some Days with her Countrey Relations at their Rural Mansions a●… sometimes she was sick and could no● admit of Visitants carrying it so demurely and serious in all her Expressions that no ground was left to surmize She told 'em an Aesop's Fable for a Veracity But being young and spritely full of youthful Blood gay and witty she thought her Beauty suffer'd injury not to be enjoyed as well as others and thereupon set her Sprindgs and threw out her Baits and Allurements for Woodcocks and Gudgeons where she perceiv'd any Game or tendency to Sport or Profit and many she took to her great Advantage among the rest a Marquis's Son who not to be tedious with you finding as I suppose and as she never without Blushes deny'd that he had given her so much Lambswooll that her Belly began to swell upon notice my Father was fallen in Love with her for his own Reputation being then marry'd to a beautiful Lady made up the Match and gave them a considerable Farm to begin the World as I may say a new with My Father who had been a long time under the gripes of Necessity was over-joy'd that at last as he thought some propitious Star had smiled on him or that he had now found his good Angel and mightily hugg'd himself in the little revival of his Fortune she having over and above brought him 400 Crowns gotten in Service and the fore-mention'd intreaguing Businesses They liv'd very happily together always Billing and Cooing like two Turtles till at the end of five Months being in bed with her all on a sudden she was taken with a violent Pain the true cause of which she could no longer dissemble but taking him about the Neck almost stiflng him with Kisses and bedewing his Cheeks with Tears intreated him to rise and call a Midwife At this he started and mutter'd his Resentments and Discontent between his Teeth but finding that it was but too true and that there was now no other remedy out he jumps and as secretly as he could brought in the good Women at a Back-door as knowing what was done was past preventing and to blow his Horns would but disturb the Neighbours at such an unseasonable hour My Mother was active and lively and in a short space by the help of the Generation-Drawer I crept thorough the narrow Passage of Nativity into the World having contrary to the usual Birth of other Children indifferent long Hair on my Head and when one of the Women went to clap me to her Breast not suspecting any danger the rest of the Gossips thought she had been falling in Labour too and expected more Hot-Suppings for she roared out in a piteous manner and would have thrown me from her Arms but that like a Wolf I hung too fast by the Teeth at her Nipple and made a crimson trickling descend her panting Hill of warm Snow which presag'd what bloody work I would make before I have done with the VVorld VVith much adoe and the help of the Midwife's Bodkin they made me quit my hold and all of them wonder'd to see my Phangs so long and sharp every one spending a Verdict on me as their Fancies and Opinions led 'em as to what these unusual Prodromo's might fore-run or signifie in the whole Series of my Life By this time the VVeather being Cold my Father advertised of his Spouse's safe Delivery adventur'd into the Chamber wrap'd in his Cloak walking up and down in querpo declaring by his furious Motion and sullen Looks he was much troubl'd at what had happen'd which he fear'd would reflect upon him and redound to his Disgrace and Affront My Mother call'd often to him with abundance of honey VVords as My Dear My Bird My Chuck c. why are you so strange to me at this time I prithee Love draw nearer and kiss me But all would not do he answer'd her never a word but still kept his Motion with a wrinkled Fore-head and bended Brows The good VVomen seeing this and not being ignorant of the Cause of his Disturbance when in another case it would have been a Comfort and Delight to him thinking to put him out of his Dumps carry'd me by this time finely dress'd and smiling said Pray Monsieur turn about and look upon your hopeful Off-spring your very Picture I protest and vow Oh sweet Babe Look here Look here its Father 's none Nose Month Chin and every thing so like you A Pox reply'd he muttering in a surly Tone I know not but it may be like the Father but then fetching a deep Sigh continu'd he it can't be like me VVhy so VVhy so says Mother Mid-night who bore up briskly to him and wanting her Fore-Teeth sputter'd in his Face through her earnestness of speaking VVhat said he a Five Month's Child so large and lusty and mine Tell me no more on 't biting his Nails it can never never be and then stampt and fretted Not be Not be reply'd she hastily still pursuing him as he walk'd about Upon my corporal Honesty I protest it may be and has been a hundred times to my knowledge therefore pray Sir have but patience to hear me and I 'll soon convince you Ay! As how As how said he begining to lessen his Anger and listen to her VVhy said she Don't you see VVheat is sowed in September and yet it is but ripe in August And Don't every one that knows any thing of Countrey Affairs see that Barley sow'd in the beginning of March is ripe as soon or sooner why here