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A17460 A pleasant comedie, called the tvvo merry milke-maids. Or, the best words weare the garland As it was acted before the King, with generall approbation, by the Companie of the Reuels. By I.C. J. C., fl. 1620.; Cumber, John, d. 1623, attributed name.; Cooke, Jo., fl. 1614, attributed name.; Chalkhill, John, fl. 1600, attributed name.; Clapham, John, b. 1566, attributed name. 1620 (1620) STC 4281; ESTC S107366 58,388 120

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to be laid on me Treason doth neuer prosper Lan. He is gone againe Smi. You follow me by sent but neuer find me by sight I le warrant you Enter Spirit Landoff whispering with him Lan. Seize it and flie Spirit I am gone Smir. O O O. Fre. How who 'es that exclaimes Smir. The cramps in my finger Lan. The Crampe Fre. O sir now you are visible againe Smir. My Ring is gone now the diuell go with it for a my conscience he fetcht it Lan. What haue you lost your Ring Smir. I I and my middle finger which serued me for more vse then all the rest Lan. That 's strange Duke But what is become of the Ring Land Pardon me Liedge that vertue that it held Came from my Art and at some fitter time I will acquaint you with the passages How and the cause for what it was intended Your gracious Dutchesse knowes and felt the worth Duk. Thy knowledge in good arts is found Landoff Nor will we be inquisitiue of more Then thou shalt thinke it fit to be reueal'd For all thy Actions haue bin iust and loyall Lod. What meanes this Trumpet Lan. Perhaps some new delights and rarer Enter Page Page Thus was I bidden to my soueraigne Fall on my face now rise I vp againe To render to the Ladies faire salutes And giue them all their worthy attributes Wonder not that I resolutely come Boldly thus daring presse into this roome For from a Lord and knight of eminent note I bring this challenge such as can reade may know 't Fre. Very succinct and peremptory Lan. For this day I am master of the Reuels Bee it knowne vnto all men that I of the Court of Saxonie traueller by degree a Lord and a professed Champion for all Ladies in the lists of peace doe challenge all Courtiers whatsoeuer without exceptions natiue or strangers to cōfer court or complement in silence with discorsiue motion and true action of the face hand body leg afterward with the vollubility of the tong to talk longest fastest lowd'st for sence I stand not vpō it being seldome regarded by the party courted therfore indeed belongs not to the Courtier also bee it farther knowne that my assistants Agents or seconds doth challenge likewise all Courtiers whatsoeuer at the true compendious forme of compiling Epistles alias Loue-Letters to Ladies or Mistresses either in Prose or Verse with Prouerbes or without Prouerbes with Sentences or without Sentences Figures or any other matter to be performed Extempore or not Extempore according as it shall please the Challenged which is to say the Defendant to determine All which that aforesaid as well as this now spoken of shall be performed by the said Challengers instantly who onely staying to heare of any Opponents are both ready to enter Lod. Here is vnexpected Sport Fred. Let 'hem enter they shall be answer'd Smirke thou shalt be my Second Smi. Shall I that 's some comfort yet to put the losse of the Ring out of my thought Shall I answere the Epistoler Fre. I marry shalt thou Smi. I le Pistle and Pestle him I le warrant him he was nere so pounded in his life I le scorne to begin after my hearty commendations with him Land Harke they approach Enter Callow and Ranoff Cal. Which is my Antagonist Fre. I am he Ran. And who is mine Smi. Behold the man with Pen and Inke prouided Ran. Poore foole thou wut but make thy selfe derided Smi. So nimble in rime I le first breake your head in Prose and afterward whip you in Verse I le lambaste you in compleates Iul. Nay I will not lose the honour of being the courted Lady Cal. When my talking time comes I will thanke you Lady in language Marke how my challenge goes 't was not to talke sence onely but longest fastest lowdest and you our talke me that way I le giue you my tongue and euery tooth I haue to make trotters on for I was borne and bred and nurst a talker and of my quallity this Lady has had some smal experience for I did promise her to proue a talker and for her sake do now professe and practic 't and t is in vaine for any creature to contend with me I haue put downe the Lawyers of all Nations and all women Gossips at Christnings after they haue drunke wine the Mid-wife being there words flow out of my mouth like water from the Cloudes to make a deluge to drown all voyces but my owne which drums nor trumpets nor a Sea flight can doe Fre. But a thump of the guts will Cal. O. Fre. T is excellent sweete Lady to heare words Though they want matter for silence does betray A bashfulnesse in man vnmeete for courtiers For he that has a bold tongue and a free Can neuer want th' affection of Ladies Nor is it fit he shud for he can keepe them Walking at midnight with a tedious tale And longer t is the better because sleepe Being accounted as some vse to call it Deaths image other some his elder brother By how much we do vse it by so much lesse We liue in this world and loose time and pleasure Which both to rich and poore is the chiefe treasure Why donnot you talke now Cal. Talke If I haue breath enough to liue I care not Iul. Nay and you giue out you haue lost the day Cal. I had not faire play shew'ne me Fre. Stratagems are to be allowed against all aduersaries I le haue Iudgement on 't All I I lawfull lawfull Cal. Lawfull let it be then but if euer I challenge a man of his hands to a tryall of skill with the tongue againe I le forsweare talking all dayes of my life and that I wud be loath to doe If I donnot feele the very breath that shud haue beene spent in words vpwards to twattle downeward I am a villaine Smirke I beleeue I smell the meaning stand farther off and giue roome to me and the Epistoler you challenge all men to compose Ran. I do Smi With figures or without figures with sentences or without sentences Ran. T is right Smi. Draw out your Pen and Inkehorne I am for you Lan. Giue 'hem roome and set a Table forth Ran. With expedition too I put in that Smi. No expedition belongs to Clarkes and not to Secretaries celerity if you will Ran. I sir Celerity I meane so Smi. No more but so a words enough Fre. But what 's the subiect Smi. Why each of vs is to indite an Epistle to our Mistresse is it not so Ran. Right Smi. Then write Dor. This will be good mirth I hope Lan. Rediculous enough Fre So it shud be and yet my little Smirke heere has conceit hee 'le haue some flashes Dor. A couple of pretty scribes Ber. The challenger has the aduantage he might premeditate Fre. No matter Smirks best at a start his wit is like your Hackney all a gallop to which hee sayes Vtere diligentia nec sis tantus
answer for her selfe and wisheth with all his soule such is his infinite affection to her that she could cleere her selfe of the crime So Heauen and the Iustices of her cause defend her 1 Iudg. Speake Lady free and fearelesse what can you say Dor. Nothing but that I do desire to die For it is sin enough that the Duke thinks I am guilty of the fact all the Clemency That you can shew me or I do desire Is to condemne me quickly Ray. That I must speake it grieues me in a cause Which I cud wish neuer had presidence As it hath had too often alas that I Who do bleede inward to behold this woman Falne by a sin equall to Lucifer From her cleere Heauen where she stood a starre Mouing in his armes as her proper Orbe That I shud see this woman as I say Who had she bin a fixed one had neuer Shot from her sphere but as an exhalation Drawne by the attractiue vertue of the Sun Appeares a glorious star yet wanting matter To maintaine his lustre shoots forth his flame And drops from whence it came vnto a Dunghill So was this woman rais'd and so she fell That so much Beauty which was giuen for Honour And did aduance her to it shud cause shame Who can tell whether this be the first man That she hath sind withall since vsually Many faults are committed ere one found She promised the fellow of her lust Vpon condition to make that And what was it A Garland A Garland of all flowers Of what effect who knowes or to what purpose Both being as certaine as the thing it selfe How or from whence it came nay more then this She was so impudent to tell the Duke And tell him she had sworne which the immodests And most professed Strumpet neuer wud What name of shame is to be giuen this woman That wud thus lewdly suffer the wild tongue Proclayme performance of so vild a deede And vnto him she knew did loue her so She might perhaps by her beauty and her teares Or both together stir compassion In many here and in the Duke himselfe But when her crime shall be remembred A crime so beyond mercy being done Vnto a Prince and such a Prince as he is What can I lesse inspire me all ye powers That thought me worthy of authority Then without pitty to condemne this woman 1. Iudg. The case is too apparant Ray. Is it not graue Fathers 2 Iudg. Yes indeede it is I was almost asleepe Ray. Ye all do know all ye that know the Law VVho pardoneth the offender doth commit An offence equall with him that doth punish The harmelesse innocent then she must dye I grieue to speak 't and am so charitable To wish that her reproach may dye with her Duke I thanke thee for the last speech it was well O that she now cud speake and cleere her selfe But proceede giue sentence if she stay long And I stand by a witnesse of her teares Shee le weep her selfe guiltlesse and innocent Therefore go on Doril. Stay Duke Whos 's that 1 Iudg. I know not Ray. Whence come that voyce Cor. Out of the clouds I thinke For no man dares owne it Duke Go forward and giue sentence Doril. Stay I say 1 Iudg. It spoke againe 2 Iudg. It came by my Eare Fer. The Court is troubl'd Doril. Heare me ye ministers of Iustice And thou Patron of it and Truth That comes to you for succour and for safety Duke Keepe your places for let it be the Diuell I will heare him and hearing shall determine Whether he be a spirit of Truth or Lies Doril. The All preseruer that guards Innocence And often lets it pine but neuer perish Can raise a voice from stones or trees or windes To pleade the cause that neds no Eloquence What hath this Lady done that here you bring her Vnto a Barre of shame It i st for being vertuous Because she hath bin constant to her Lord But some haue cald her chastitie in question That neuer had a sparke in their owne Breasts And haue possest the Duke from his owne thoughts That she must needs be bad because they are so Has euery woman so much wit to hide That fault especially and had not shee Who is the mirror of of her sexe for that More then for Beauty But she told the Duke She had offended in an idle promise And that 's obiected to her for a crime A peece of impudence vnparalleld When had she meant to haue wrong'd her royall Lord She wud haue lockt the secret in her heart And set her face with smiles beaten with kisses Suspition from his bosome but she discouered The guift the giuer and the vow that bought it Who i st not knowes dishonestie consisteth In the deed done not in the spoken word And she imagining the deed in which She imployed the doer neuer to be done And so the wickednesse Let me not be thought tedious Nor be offensiue if I bring to minde The meeting of those two how she reuealed That you great Duke consented to the fact Encourag'd her vnto 't and led her on If she had bin a villaine to her death But he looking on her and seeing in her eyes The image of faire Vertue how it wept Gaue backe her vowes and freed her from his heart In that shape first she stood but againe plac'd her As his most roy all mistresse and your wife Duke Excellent voyce go on for I coud stand A tedious winter but to heare thee talke Cor. So coud not I without a rug Gowne Doril. It hath bin still a maxime she 's not chast That hath not bin attempted but she who hath stood Temptation and resisted Gold is the purer For being tryde and Vertue put in act Appeares more glorious when it hath wrought it selfe Out of those troubles which would stifle it Heauen was assaulted by the Giants once Which shewd Ioues powre the greater the pensiue soule Fighting with sin the diuell and with death After the victory triumphs and sings Eternally amongst the blessed Angels Crown'd with perpetuall Peace and happinesse But she for being vertuous must die For conquering her affections for louing Sincerely and effectually her Lord For hauing not the cunning to dissemble But for being Simple Chast and Innocent Iust Noble Beautious Excellent in all Saue what no common woman wud haue mist For this and for this onely she must die Duke No she must liue and all the world must die To me before a haire of her shall perish O I haue wrong'd thy goodnesse now I see 't who was before made blind with iealousie The heauens take thy part and wunnot suffer So much of worthinesse to fall at once Lest nothing here but wickednesse abound Ray. Sir will you heare me Duke Away I will heare nothing but her Angels voice And that which spoke for her which was no lesse It held such musicke in it besides Truth Wipe from thine eyes those teares let Messengers