with them Wherefore I considering that a nother would doe that which I refused and of the other side the perswasion of my friends who with a great charge upon my conscience counselled me to doe it that so the whole kindred of my parents should not be lost and that there should remaine some one in the world who might pray for them I put on a resolution to doe that which for any other respect I would never have done But this is my comfort which is not a little one to me that my father gave me his blessing at the houre of his death forgiving me all that I could have committed in this world against the respect and reverence which I owed him giving me also some wholesome counsels and recommending to me vertue and the feare of God above all that I should ever strive to be like my parents and that I should shew my selfe such a one as those of whom I was descended With these reasons and some others I remained greatly comforted and resolved to end my prison with their life I was left an Orphan young alone or ill accompanied and without counsell without knowing what side to turne me to for to maintaine that life which these gentlemen had left me because that the cockering and good cheere in which my mother had bred me had beene the especiall cause of my undoing shee suffering me to live idlely and lazily Neverthelesse I seeing that the memorie of the good past brought me no profit and that if I should live and eate bread it ought to be with the sweate of my browes I determined to looke out for a master whom I might serve or some handie-crafts-man with whom I might learne some trade which was all in vaine because that the accident of my parents being in fresh memorie and their infamie yet late I found not one that would receive me into his house nay not so much as to be a groome of his stable wherefore I was forced to leave the countrey and to goe try my fortunes in a strange countrey What countrey is that I asked him then in which your parents dwelt because if I be not deceived in the discourse of your relation you have changed its right name as also its surname and your owne Command me not I beseech you answered he to breake a solemne oath which we of our profession have made amongst our selves which is never to reveale to any man our owne countrey nor our parents name this being supposed that it availeth little to the truth of my history to know it and though it seemeth to you that it is no mysterie to conceale it beleeve me you aredeceived for so much that thereis nothing more dangerous in our Art than to tell a mans true name as well as of his countrey as of his baptisme seeing that as you know albeit we be fallen a thousand times into the hands of Iustice and that we be as many times convicted of some crime wee onely changing our name we ever make it appeare that this is the first time that we have beene taken and the first crime whereof we have ever bin accused and no man knowing the name of our parents nor of our countrey they cannot be informed of our lives manners nor our parents receive any shame from our disgrace seeing that as you may oftentimes haue seene when they cōdemne a man the first words of his sentencesay such a one of such a place the son of such a man such a woman is condemned to be whipt or hanged such a day moneth and yeare from which proceedeth nothing else but sorrow to him that dyeth and dishonour to his parents If this be so said I to him you have reason to hid it this being supposed that is not for your availe to telit it availeth not me to know it let us leave it and follow your Historie It fell out then said hee that about foure leagues from the place of my birth I put my selfe apprentice to a Shooemaker it seeming to mee to be the most gainfull of all trades especially in France where all those that walke goe at it were post even as if Iustice were running after them and where all Shooe themselves against nature that which is contained being greater than that which containeth that is to say the foot greater than the shooe whence it falleth out that the shooes last a very short while I opened then mine eyes thither and bend my minde to this trade for that beside the gaine it was the most easie But as from my infancie my parents had taught me to rip it was not possible for me so suddenly to change the habite which I had already turned into nature and so sixe weeks past ere I could learne to set one right stitch From this ignorance my Master tooke occasion to disdaine me breaking some lasts on my head to see if they could leave some impression beside the continuall abstinence with which hee punisht me some of his friends having said to him that it was a singular remedie and quicken my wit This life seemed not good to me nor to bee desired wherefore I resolved to forsake it and lay out for another more peaceable knowing particularly in my selfe some motions of Noblenesse which inclined me to things higher and greater than to make shooes wherefore I conclude with my selfe to search all meanes possible to bring me into the house of some man of qualitie and rich being assured that with the faire conditions and readinesse that I had my service should be well-pleasing to my Master Verily the resolution was good and the thoughts honourable and noble but so lame maime and without force for want of meanes and apparell to setthem forward seeing that it is most certaine that if with my hands waxed my apron and other markes of a Shoomaker I should have presented my selfe at the gate of some Knight they would not have suffered me to enter This difficultie held mee some few dayes in perplexitie without knowing how to enter upon my enterprises notwithstanding making a vertue of necessitie being vexed at the miserable life which I led I determined to draw Physicke out of the disease and honie from the Bees stings and endeavouring to revenge my selfe on the Spainsh lether and all shooe-makers To this effect there came a notable boldnesse in my mind yea and profitable enough and sure if fortune who then was my enemie had not over-thrown my designes and myinventions I considered that if I stole any thing out of the house my shift should have beene discovered in an instant and I as a stranger and friendlesse beene ill dealt withall particularly with the hatred which my Master bare towards me the harshnesse with which they are wont to punish houshold thefts in France So rising on Fryday morning earely than I had beene accustomed rubbing my hands with waxe and also my face I went with my apron girt to mee and my hands
into that place have beene accustomed to passe them which is to consider the lodgings to be vexed at the companie and to shun the familiar conversing with the prisoners And I might have past all the time of my imprisonment in such like employment if it had lien in my power to do it because that the companie invited me not to acquaint my selfe But the necessitie being accompanied with exceeding great curiositie which prisoners have when any one entereth newly into prison tied me to frame my selfe to the usuall fashion of these people from whom I had a sufficent report of the subjects and qualities of that habitation without other paines-taking than to give them the hearing because that by it a discreete man shall know moe sins in foure dayes than a Confessor in a hundreth yeares In the conclusion with a faire shew and some pieces that I had in my purse I purchased the good will of all the rable in such sort that there was not any man of what ranke soever who did not esteem much of me participated not with me the most inward of his conscience But the continuall companie of this tedious conversation troubled me in such sort that I was not mine owne nor had I the libertie to spend one quarter of an houre by my selfe alone So lessayed by a thousand meanes to ridde my selfe from the head-strong importunities of those undiscreet people but it was not possible for me to free my selfe without taking the office that I had got over them Wherefore I was desirous to trie if in this martyrdome seeing I deserved no such thing I could finde some pleasure to divert my minde and entertaine them So continuing my no lesse accustomed than troublesome occupation sitting one day upon a bench which was in the Chappell of the prison in the companie of three or foure of these gallants hearing some difficulties whereof they were come to consult with mee upon the ten Commandements I heard the Echo of a sorrowfull voyce which called me pitifully All the standers by were amazed one of them ranne to be informed of this vnlooked-fornewes but the speedy hast of him which sought for me prevented the curiositie of him who was gone out to know the newes for scarsly had we heard the voyce when after it entred at the doore one of my religious followers held in great esteeme amongst those people who were none of the holiest with his colour changed his visage bathed with teares without a Hat his armes crossed sighing and beseeching with great humilitie the companie that they would let him be alone with me amplifying his request by the shortnesse of time as the principall remedy of mishap They departed the place and he seeing himselfe alone and with freedome to discover his thoughts to me without any other preface preamble advertisement or courtesie he said to me Sir to day is my feast day and they have made me a gift of a clarke of a harbour with a Cardinalls Hat what remedie shall I be able to finde for so great a mischiefe Verily this darke speech of his words together with the manner of telling it held mee somewhat in doubt because I knew not how to comment upon so vncouth a language followed with so many sighes and groanes Neverthelesse making a little stay at these words and already guessing that which it might be I beleeved that he had got this hat at some pot of wine and that out of the abundance thereof this noble dignitie had climed up to the head So smiling I said to him My friend the Post that hath brought you this newes is he of a douzen or of twentie It is not of twelue nor offoure unhappy man that I am answered he for I am not drunke nor ever was I in all my lifetime and would to God that all the world were so retired in this action as I am but as the Proverbe saith some have the name the others have the effect And you doe not well to make a poore unhappie wretch that askes your counsell in his extreame affliction His answer to the purpose redoubled my astonishment and not being able to hit at that which this might meane I said to him somewhat in anger Make an end then to relate to me the cause of your paine and hold me no more in doubt with your darke speeches or ridles Now I know Sir said he that yee have not studied Martiall tearmes nor you vnderstand not as yet Galunatias his stile so it will be hard for you to vnderstand the comming together of two solide bodies with the perspective of red flowers in a white field From this second answer I fully resolved that hee was not drunke but foolish and as to such a one I agreed with him to all that he said although I vnderstood him never a whit And taking the subject to reason with him upon the same reasons I asked him who made him a Cardinall and why To which he answered me thus You should understand that some officers of the three and of the five of Topo Tango vpon the Seventh and the Goe met me one Sunday at midnight and finding me with the As de bastons the lot would that they should run a hazard These theevish words of the trade are afterward made cleare and I remained with the money They were deceived and desiring to revenge their wrong they went to Scipion declaring an Vniversall head which they had seene in my hands upon which they made long informations by the Signeuers Aequinoctialls and at the end of a rigorous examination which they had of me they found mee not good enough to be Pope they left me the office of a Cardinall You ought to account your selfe happy I answerd him having so great a dignitie seeing that few obtaine it and these with great paines and travell I would quite it withall my heart saith he and that without pension if any one would receive it for mee and I would moreover binde my selfe to him to pay for the seales because to speake the truth it is a charge too heavy for me and hee that gives it hath not any good reputation among the people nor many friends in the Citie and this is the cause that I make no great account of it And doe not thinke that in saying that I will no wayes accept of it I can helpe my selfe of this paine for it is not in my power nor in theirs who receive the like charges to be able to refuse them sithence dignities are bestowed by deservings and albeit that men refuse them they are made to take them by force that no man may refuse them nor make resistance by too great humilitie they binde it upon him as if he were a foole Truely my friend said I then to him you ought to account your selfe happy and very fortunate for such an election this being supposed that it is made for deserving and not for favour Very fortunate saith hee assuredly I am
wring their necke with a sad dumpish countenance and a faire shew colour their ambitious designes with godly words And for them it is said in the Proverbe the Divell is behinde the Crosse There are others also who though they wring not the necke nor speake so much of God apply neverthelesse the jurisdiction of their offices in favour of him that giveth them most who being lap 't in long wide gownes making them to bee respected there is not a man that dare to give thē a word nor shew by any signe the evil satisfaction that they have by them but the wretched person that neither hath God in his mouth nor barke wherwith to hide himselfe if he be not very wise prudent all the persecutions of the world hang about him at once all men spit in his face and he is the marke of all the abuses in the world wherfore blame not our Art before you understand it for you should so offend all the world perhaps your selfe sith no man liveth without fault How much more if you knew what sweetnesse there is to gather the fruit where one hath not planted and to find the in gathering in his garner in his cellar himself having neither fielde nor vineyard you would even licke your fingers at it Is this a smal matter I pray you that a man riseth in the morning not having penny nor farthing nor knowing yet whence to have it for to nourish his family and yet ere night he is worth ahundred crownes knoweth not whence they came Is this a small matter in greatest sloth and necessitie to finde apparell cut and slasht without paying either for stuffe or making Is there any such Noblenesse in the world as to be a Gentleman without rents and to have other mens goods so his own as that hee may dispose of them at his will without costing him any more but to take them Doe you thinke it a small matter to be a Marchant without a stocke to gaine two hundreth for nothing without crossing the seas going to faire or market not caring if the Marchant turne banque-rupt if the yeare be barren or plentiful if wares be deare or cheape And if ye will take our trade by way of reputation or credit doth it seeme a small thing to you to finde one who will insure us our life whatsoever wee doe and to have at our becke some Iudges who save us from the lash from the Gallies from torture from the Gallowes only with a single wel-assured promise to satisfie them with the gaine of our next theft And that they do this not only for us but for our friends kindred and acquaintance Abuse not yourselfe and acknowledge that there is no life more assured in this world than ours for instead of one displeasure that wee have there are infinite pleasures and contentments to be enjoyed And lo thus much for my profession and trade * ⎠* CHAP. IIII. To him the Thiefe relateth the life and death of his Parents and the first disgrace that befell him AS for my race you shall know that I am a man borne of a woman in a town of this world whose name I lost in a sicknesse which I had in the yeare sixe hundred and foure My father was called Peter and my mother Hope people though meane honorable and vertuous of good reputation and praise-worthy manners And as for the goods of fortune they were not so great that they were able to give bribes nor marry Orphans out of their meanes nor so meane that they obliged themselves to aske almes nor to subject themselves to any man but they were people that knew how to live and that had bread to eate and clothes to put on In all the course of their life there was nothing found that they could be reproched for nor whereof they could be reproved because they heeded no other thing particularly my mother but to keepe their honour and the good esteeme which they had gained for which and for the free doome and faire conditions of their proceedings and conversation all the world honored and loved them But as vertue is ordinarily envied and honest people persecuted there was no want of malicious and wicked people who by false and rash calumnies darkned the brightnesse and glistering of their good works the cleannes of their life They were accused I say to have robbed a Church to have spoiled the Vestrie with the ornaments and chalices and which is worse to have cut off S. Bartholomews hand who was upon an Altar which they said was of silver An accusation as malicious as false especially for my mothers part whose devotion towards the Saints was so great that when she went to Church if my father had not pull'd her out by the haire or the Sexton had not shut the doore against her there was no meanes to make her come out of the Church although shee had beene three dayes without meate and her devotion was so knowne to all the people that she never came forth to the streete but a thousand folke praied her to say some Ave Maria for women with child sicke and other afflicted persons having all of them great faith in her prayers But as there are traitors enough to condemne a just man and in this age innocency serveth to no purpose if it be not favoured for so much as the Lawes goe as it pleaseth Kings it came to passe that notwithstanding the reproaches which they gave in against the witnesses more than sufficient to refute the malice of the accusers and to manifest the innocencie of the accused they condemned them to die and together with them a brother of mine and my mothers Nephew Verily the case was strange and scandalous though false and their death unjust but whatsoever the cause I doe not envie them the profit which let them eate with their bread they shall not goe to Rome for penance for there is a God in the world that seeth all things and seeing he punisheth that he will not suffer one haire of the just to perish it belongs to him to avenge the wrong done to his servants for so I may call them yea even Martyrs sith they constantly suffered death for the love of God they being accused of faults which they had not committed A tricke finally that they being poore they were constrained to pay with their life that which they were not able with their goods I only may praise my selfe that I found some mercie with the Iudges in consideration of my young yeares and of the small experience that I had yet the favour they shewed me was a grace with sinne because Iustice left me my life with condition that I shuld be the executioner of these Martyres I was very unwilling and did all I could not to commit so execrable a crime as that is to take away their lives that had given me mine but it was impossible to excuse me but by losing my life
all bedawbed to runne through all the shops of the towne especially those that were best acquainted with my Master and telling to every one that were in the shops that the Gentleman staid at my Masters for a paire of bootes of the eights to put them on incontinent I asked for one boote to trie if it would fit him that desired them None made any difficultie to give me it thinking that a man could not be served with one boote alone otherwise the most part of the shooe-makers knew me and these who had never seene me were in a minute so well satisfied with my presence that if the first finder out of the trade had come they could not have given him more credite With this invention I went almost through all the shops of the towne ever heeding to aske for a boote of the same size and last that the first was of And the invention fell out so to the purpose and with so great ease that in halfe an houres space I gathered me then two hundred bootes all of one size and of one fashion which having tied up in a sacke I laid them on my shoulders and betooke me to the way The fact lay dead without suspition almost two houres but seeing that I came not backe againe norreturned the boots which I had carried away nor tooke that which I had left all of them suspected that which truely fell out And so this time being past moe than a hundred apprentices were at the doore where I dwelt every one asking for his boote which my Master and some few of his neighbours who loved mee not very well seeing they told the Iustice who dividing themselves through the three gates of the Citie met mee not very farre from one of them because the weight of my burthen suffered me not to get out of fight as I could have wisht They brought me backe to the towne and proceeding against mee for the fact yet hot and fresh in minde they condemned me to walke foure houres through the accustomed streets that is to be scourged with three yeares banishment CHAP. V. Of the first Theefe that was in the world and whence theft had its beginning ALthough this noble Art had no other excellency but the antiquitie of its beginning and the Noblenesse of the first finder out thereof it might suffice to the end that every good wit should approve it for to be the most Noble of all those which are practized at this day in the world the first inventour thereof was one of the fairest Angells that was whose beautie dignitie and greatnesse was so extolled and high that the most curious of his perfection found no other title more proper to exalt him than that of the Morning Starre Governour of the dawning of the day the Sun's Ambassadour This then was the first Thiefe that was in the world or before the world if it be true that the Angells were created before time who overcome by an ambitious desire adventured rashly to robbe God of his glorie But hee was degraded because Iustice tooke him in the fact and seazing upon all the goods that hee had condemned him to perpetuall prison and together with him all his associats The second Thiefe that ever was in the world was our first father Adam as bold as the Angell yet not so blame-worthie for being not so malicious in his sin and of lesse knowledge albeit I cannot be perswaded that hee was ignorant of the obediēce which he owed to his Creator having knowledge infused in him Neverthelesse overcome by the importunate reasons of his wife and tormented with an ambitious curiositie hee was desirous to steale the knowledge and wisedome of God But it fell out as badly to him as to the Angell so that his fleeing and hiding himselfe served him to no purpose for the Iudge having asked him and he not being able to deny the fact for that he was taken in the fault his state of innocencie and originall justice was taken away he and all his race remaining condemned to spend their life with sweate travell and mishaps and his wife to bring forth her children with sorrow And if you aske mee why God did not equally punish these two theeves being guiltie of treason and having attempted one and the same kinde of theft which is the divine perfection It was to this purpose that I have heard spoken by a great doctour and Preacher of the Church because if God had punisht man with the same rigour that hee punisht the Angell withall he had destroyed an intire nature seing that all men sinned in Adam so the world had remained imperfect But in punishing the Angell this incōvenience followed not because many other Angels remained in heaven and all the nature of Angels sinned not and this is the cause why God was not so severe to man as to the Angels but you shal better learn this curiositie from some other who knoweth it better than I do It is sufficient that those aforesaid Theeves were the first that brought theft into credit in the world And wee cannot say that povertie and necessitie stirred them vp to steale because the first was the noblest and mightiest of all the Angells and the second was the first of all men King of the living creatures and absolute Lord of the earth From thence is brought in the deceite which to the day this world seeth beleeving that poverty was the finder out of theft seeing it is riches and prosperitie because the love desire of honour and riches groweth so much the more as it is increased as a Poet saith very well Ambition being an unsatiable fire in which how much more wood is laid so much the more it is inflamed and a Dropsie in which the more one drinketh the more hee thirsteth Even so in those great theeves the great riches and prosperitie which they had was the cause of their unruly appetite and unsatiable ambition for that they desiring that which they had not they could not attempt any other theft but the glorie and wisedome of God seeing they possessed all the rest Whence you shall understand that to steale and robbe is in a sort naturall to man and that it goeth by inheritance and propagation in all the linage of men and not by cunning For if it be true that we all are partakers of Adams sinne his sin being nothing else but to robbe God of his knowledge it is evident that there is in vs an inclination disposition and naturall desire to robbe and steale From Adam this profession was extended to all his posteritie being alwayes kept on foote amongst the most noble and best qualified of all his children So Cain as jealous of this originall vertue would needs steale from his brother Abel the grace and particular favour with which God received his oblations and sacrifices Iacob cunningly rob'd the blessing from his brother Esau and it went well with him David the wife of Vriah Achab though himselfe
oile of or other costly oyle which any shall have asked them that they may not lose the credit of their shop The Marchant stealeth in putting out his money upon use taking more than the statute alloweth and writing downe in his booke such a debt which it may be shall be thrice paid The Notary stealeth with an c. Et coetera a whole Lordship and if there be a question of any criminall processe the Scrivener for money that he shall take of a forfeit will sell the soule of the poore innocent The Counsellour the Atturney steale selling a thousand lies to the poore client making him to understand that he shall win his cause albeit they see cleerely that he hath no right at all and many times it falleth out that the Lawyer agreeth with another to sell the parties right and part the gaine betweene them The Iudge stealeth Iustice from this man having pitie on him who by some bribe shall have already corrupted him wresting violently the texts of Bartole and Baldus for his own profit The Drugster and other Marchants that sell by weight steale putting under the scale a very thinne plate of leade where they put that which they would weight with which they shew that there is more then weight albeit there be many ounces and when they doe not that with their little finger they touch the tongue of the ballance with which they make the scale sway to what side they will The Vintner stealeth a hundreth thousand wayes mixing and blending one wine with another beside the water that hee putteth amongst it and when his wine by the force of so much mingling and watering hath his strength hee hangeth amongst the lees a little bagge full of Cloves Pepper Ginger and other spices with which he makes it still seeme to be good The Butcher also stealeth blowing up his meate with a Cane that so they may seeme the bigger and that he may sell them at a deerer rate than they are worth The Treasurer stealeth the third part yea the halfe of a pension when a poore needie man asketh him because that hee who should receive it being drown'd in debt or charged with some vrgent necessitie denieth not to give the halfe nor makes he any conscience to demand it The Marshall stealeth taking a poore harmelesse man and laying him in hold never telling him for what and at the end of three or foure dayes that hee keepeth him in a chaine sends a Divell of those that belong to the prison to tell him that hee is accused for making of false coine and that there are ten witnesses who have given evidence against him but that for the respect of some of his friends hee will set him at libertie some evening if he will give him a hundreth Crownes to give content to the witnesses and to make them in some sort to hold their tongues whereby the poore wretch being sore affrighted selleth all to the shirt on his backe to be rid of so great affliction The Courtier stealeth the report of a favorite ascribing to himselfe that which another receiveth because being loaded with feathers brusling up himselfe poised and straighter than a spindle he goeth to the Court and hearing at the gate or in the Court-yarde where the Pages waite some newes hee returneth to see his friends and gives them to understand that the King drew him aside speaking secretly to him two houres and amongst other things hee told the newes that hee brings The Perfumer stealeth mingling the perfumes and multiplying the Muske with a Cowes liver rofted the Amber-grees with sope and sand and the Sivet with some Butter The Priest stealeth faying foure Masses instead of forty for which hee hath bin paid beside the monie that he receives for yearely Masses for the dead Answers and other duties which he never remembers The Religious Monkes and Friers steale whole patrimonies assaulting with a grave countenance and a wry necke a poore sicke man at the point of death and laying before him a mountaine of doubts and burthens of conscience turning and stirring them up to pious deeds applying to their own Monasterie all that which he was bound to restore without ever making any scruple of conscience to leave halfe a dozen of Orphans defeated of their inheritance and the sicke mans wife to live upon almes The Preacher stealeth picking from S. Thomas and S. Austin the best of their workes and having robbed them to their very thoughts felleth in the Pulpit their doctrine as though it were his owne making himselfe the inventor and author of that which belongeth not unto him The Blind man stealeth the halfe of every song that he singeth because that having received money from him that biddeth him sing and it seeming to him that he is gone from him three or foure paces he beginneth againe his first tune and asketh a new that some body would make him sing another The Begger stealeth telling a thousand lyes to him that giveth the almes saying that he hath bin robbed that he hath beene sicke that his father is in prison and counterfeiting himself lame with which hee pulleth from men their almes Finally all doe steale and every handy-crafts man hath his own invention and particular subtiltie to this effect but seeing there is no rule fo generall that hath not its exception wee may exclude from the number of Theeves all those that have a good conscience as foote-men Hostlers Cookes Sergeants Iailers Under-jaillers Panders Bawdes Ruffians and Whores CHAP. VII Of the difference and variety of Theeves ALl the Theeves aforesaid are called discreete because that every one in his place striveth to cover theft the best hee can transforming it into Nobilitie and vertue and this manner of stealing is the safest and most secret Of these there is as great varietie and difference as there are severall Offices in the Common-weale yea there are other Theeves who steale openly and without maske who although they are not so many in number as the former are notwithstanding moe and their differences are as many as there are inventions to steale which being redacted into a shorter number are divided into Robbers Staffadours drawers of Wooll Grunets Apostles Cigarets Dacians Mallets Cut-purses Satyrs Devont and Governours of the House The Robbers steale upon the high wayes and solitarie places with great cruelty and tyrannie because that seldome doe they robbe without killing fearing to be discovered and followed by justice The meanes slights that they have to coine to their purposes are diverse for sometimes they will follow a man fifteene dayes never losing the sight of him waiting while hee goe out of the towne And the better to over-reach him one of the companie goeth disguised in a Marchants habit a guest of the same Inne with a certaine packe of old cloth or some other invention giving to understand that he is a strange country Marchant and feareth to travell alone With this lye he falleth into discourse with the