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A01351 The first parte, of the eyghth liberall science: entituled, Ars adulandi, the arte of flatterie with the confutation therof, both very pleasaunt and profitable, deuised and compiled, by Vlpian Fulwell. Fulwell, Ulpian, fl. 1586. 1579 (1579) STC 11472; ESTC S119694 48,995 74

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fed with sweetenes of thy bower Most greeuously sustaynes the chaunge when hee castes of the sower The meane estate that thee contemnes in stedfast boat doth row The Ship in safegard most doth passe that beares her sayles but low And for my part I force thee not thy frownes I can sustaine For if thou cause my sp●…y fall I fall but in the playne This vantage then I haue by right to vaunt where euer I goe That I may ●…it and smyle at thee that haue deceiud●… th●… soe But most of all I must needes muse that wis●…n seeke thy grace Sith troubles so attend on them that haue thy freendly face ▪ But some can vse thee in thy kinde whom thou hast ●…uely 〈◊〉 And are not now to learne I trow to bring a babe to bed Let them that lyst that hazard try and trust in thee repose As I by thee no ga●…nes doo seeke so nothing will I lose And thus farewell I ●…ll returne to Lady Hope agayne And for a token I thee sende a dotinge Figge of Spayn●… FINIS ¶ The thirde Dialogue between the Author and a Frier Author A Fox or a Frier who fasting doth meete Presageth yll Fortune to lie at his feete FRier In very deede that olde prouerb is not to bee disproued for I dare auouch the trueth therof and yet gentill s●…rra it is not as you vnderstand it for I know you consture it as thus if you meete with mee or such as I am or with a Fox in a morning you beeing fasting that then it prognosticateth yll luck●… vnto you that daye but the true construction is cleane contrary and is thus to bee vnderstood If you meete with a Fox in a morninge that hath not broken her fast or a Frier that goeth from the place where hée was harbored without eating any thing it may well protend some misfortune For a Fox purloyneth all the night and returneth to her Berry with a full paunch And a Frier issueth not out of the doores without his brea●…fast both in his belly and in his budget for failyng Author I am right ioyous that I haue met with so noble a Doctor this morning at whose handes I haue already learned one lesson and by whose company I hope to attaine more skill I pray you Maister Frier let mee be your companion this day for I am already enflamed with the loue of your company Frier Is thy businesse so stender that thou maist intend to walke with mée at randon Author My businesse is soone dispatcht for I haue nought to dooynge this day but to make loytringe pinnes Frier In fayth good fellow then then is thy occupacion and mine much alike and mee seemeth by thy attire thou thriuest but slowly with thy trade or els thou art one of them that cannot thriue for shame howbeit because thou seemest to hee a good fellow I will for good fellowships sake teach vnto thee the eighth liberal science which is a very profitable art wherin I iudge by thy estate thou art vtterly ignorant Author And are you maister Frier a studient in that Science Frier Yea sir that am I and in degree aboue a studient for I am an auncient practicioner therin and thinke my selfe sufficiencie to proceede Doctor in that faculty so good an opinion I haue of my selfe Author It is like that you are very well séene in the olde liberall Sciences and in other good studies that you are so excellent in this new found Arte. Frier Nay verely I count him a foole that beateth his braines about many matters and hath no excellency in any one wherfore I haue set aside all other studies to attayne to the very perfection of this onely Arte wherby I am welcome whersoeuer I come The name of it is ar●… adulandi The arte of Flattery And there belongeth vnto it glosinge cogginge doublenes dissimulation iestinge and railinge with many other branches as in practise is very easie to bee learned But euery man that weeneth to win credit by his art may not bée rashe in makinge his choyse of these branches least hée bée espied and so discredit himselfe I will not mention vnto thée of the courtiers practise nor of the homely Country mans handling of his matters nor of any others but I will reueale vnto thee which of these branches I haue chosen and how I vse it Author My eares are prepared to heare your discourse I pray you begin Frier Thou knowest that it is my profession to wander as a pilgrim from place to place and am an authorised begger my coule is my pasport and my shauen crowne my credit And when I first began to wander I was vtterly vnskilful in this art before mencioned at what time my order was to geue holsome godly counsell vnto my good Dames of the Country and would sumtimes checke their wanton children when I saw them rude and lassiuious insomuch that at the laste when I was espied comminge into any Uillage the children yea and their mothers also would shut their doores agaynst mee I knowinge the cause of their dislikinge mee was so sau●…y as to draw the latch and boldely entred into the house for I was as perfect of the way in and also of euery corner in the house as was the good wife her self This was no poore mans house but a good fat Farmer and my Dame was a lusty wench and had a rowling eye And when I came into the Hall there was shee and her two daughters with her the elder of them beeing but twelue yeares of age and the yonger ten yeares olde and her onely sonne lyinge in the Cradle God blesse my good Dame quod I and God be heare c. Let it not offende you my good Dame that I rushe in so boldely vnto you for I was this night warned by God in a vision to bringe you good tydinges and the spirite that appeared vnto mee reuealed as I haue already found the woordes that hee spake were these Frier Frances I charge thee that this day about ten of the clocke in the forenoone thou repaire to thy good ben●…factor I. G. and will her stedfastly beleeue that whatsoeuer thou shalt say vnto her is as true as the Gospell and at thy first comminge thou shalt finde her doores shut against thee notwithstandinge enter in boldly thou shalt finde her her three children with her in the Hall but her husband shal bee at Plowe in the fielde which I new before I came thither thou shalt say vnto her set your seruantes that are about your house to such worke as they may not come to heare the secretes that I haue to reueale and also let your two daughters bée ●…ecluded from our presence and then Frier Frances I will sende to thy minde what thou shalt say Author Truely this is a proper ceremonial beginning but was shée not doubtfull least some body shoulde come in and take you so suspiciously togeather Frier Nay wee Friers
of mine Author But will not the foolish Parentes perceiue thy grosse flattery if they sée no such thing in their children in deede as thou speakest of Frier Neuer a whit for thou knowest the Fable in Esop that the Oule thought her owne birdes fairest and in this respect parentes for the more part are blinde and specially mothers And it is as feate a poynte in flattery to gloze in that which is neuer like to come to passe as to promise that which a man neuer ment to geue or would doo him no pleasure to whom it is offred As I reade once in a prophane story that at what time vertuous Deborah the Prophetesse indged Israel in the Cittie of Babel was dwelling a ritch Lieutenant named Ishewa who beeing presented by a Souldiour which fought vnder Apollos Banner with a simple peece of worke which he had framed in Mineruas Shop requited him only with a Bezeles manus and fed him with faire wordes promising him that which neither hee could geue as hee knew right well neither the other regarded as did plainely appeare But as for anye other rewarde the diuell a whitte hee gaue him for his paynes Author I am sure thou aboundest in such good examples but what neede so farre fet and of such antiquity I thinke thou maist haue store in the profounde Maisters of your faculty and neuer trauaile to Babell for them For yee are all of one predicament both hee of whom thou spakell and al the rable of you a company of cogging coistrels howbeit I am sure thou hast taken forth a lesson before thē all and maist well reade a lecture in the arte of Adulation For truely thou flattering Frier I haue heard so much of thée that I am ashamed to he are any more And that inuenting head of thine lacketh nothing but a halter in stéed of a hoode but yet I pray thee Frier between earnest and ieste was it not thou that preachedst of late vnto certaine theeues by the hie waies side and approuedst them worthy members of a common wealth comparing them in many poyntes vnto Christ Frier No verely it was not I but certes I knowe him and commend him for hee was a wise fellow made a learned and profitable Sermon Hée preached not for six shillinges and eyght pence the ordinary price but for ten pound and more And truely to gaine halfe the mony although it stand not with my professiō to handle mony I will affirme that theeues ought to bee rulers and not to bée ruled yea and are worthy to bée canonised amonge the Saintes when the yeare of Iubile commeth Author First I haue noted thy apostacie in fallinge from thy profession to the filthye trade of Flattery for thy bellye 's sake wherby I condemne thee for a belly god and before I procéede any further I will compare thee to that wicked Iulian Apostata whose ende may bee a Mirrour to the terrible example of all Renegates of which number thou art a Captayne most blasphemously belying the holy spirite of God with thy forged inspiration not vnlike that falie seducinge Prophet Machomet who with his forged inspiracions vnto this day beguileth the Turkes So that thou hast denied Christe our Sauiour who in the generall iudgement will also deny thee except by his speciall grace thou repent Secondly I condemne thy impudēt arrogancy in arrogating to thy selfe cunninge skill in Palmestry thou hauing no more iudgement thē an Asse wherin thou art one of the deceiuers of the worlde foreprophesied by Saint Paule to abuse the latter Age. And also wheras thou art vtterly vnlearned in any good arte or facultie thou art not to be taken for a member much lesse a Minist●…r of Christes Church but to bée whipt out of the same as one for whose cause the worde of God is euill spoken of for thou and such as thou art haue bene the ruin ouerthrow of many goodly houses to the great annoyance o●… pouertie of such bussards as thou art are to many in these dayes that maketh the worlde in feare of a seconde subuersion which God forbid Thirdly thy lyking and allowing of blas●…hemous do●…rine comparinge Christ our Sauiour to wicked and abhominable theeues is most stinking and detestable Thou knowest or oughtest to know that Ihon the Baptist although he were the Kings Chaplaine namely Kinge Herodes fed not his Lorde and Maisters eares with slattering doctrine for promotions sake but reproued his sinne to his face for the truthes sake Hee rather chose to liue in penury with Locustes wilde Hony in the desert then to fare delicately in the wickednesse of his Maisters court Hée desired with the Psalmist rather to bee a doore keeper in the house of God then to dwell in the Tentes of vngodlynesse Hée might haue been aduaunced to bée taken for the Messias of the worlde but hee put it from him vnto him who of right ought to haue it Hee was neither couetous nor prowde nor lasciuious hée was no disse●…bler but a true preacher not protesting one thing and perfourming another hee was no Simonist hée hunted neyther for Bishoprike nor Benefice but directed his whole life to the setting forth of Gods glory When the Pharasies and head rulers came to his Baptisme hée called them not gracious Lordes but generation of ●…pers and bid them bring forth fruites of repentance hée was altogether ignorant in thy ●…lthy Arte of Flattery When the Publicans came to him to learne their dueties hee preached not lyinge Palmestry but learned Diuinitie Hee allowed not their polling and pillinge with a cloake of Custom because they were receiuers of custom for the Prince but sharply rebuked their extor●…ions and b●… them take no more of any man then right required But the professors of thy arte will not sticke to perswade them by wresting the Scriptures cleane out of ioynte that all their dealinges what wicked peruerse meanes so euer they vse is tollerable Also when the roistinge Souldiers came vnto him hée commended not their ●…alyantnes nor their couragious stomackes but ●…eckt and taunted their iniurious violence shewed towardes men and exhorted them neither actually to hurte any man vnder colour of true seruice to their Prince nor wrongfully to accuse any man which two ●…aults they commonly vsed and lastly perswaded them to bee contente with their wages and stipend Finally as is before sayd hee spared not the Maiesty of the King his Maister in respecte of the trueth which if hee would haue doone no doubt but hee might haue béene if hée listed Princeps sacerdotum in st●…ed wherof hee was contente rather to loose his head then recant Thus Frier I haue expressed vnto thée parte of my minde defiynge both thee and thy detestable Arte of Adulation Frier I am sory that I conceiued so good an opinion of thee seeing thou art so contrary to my disposicion where as thou saiest thou hast expressed parte of thy minde vnto mée I assure thée I
to seeke for the setlinge and satisfaction of the same at your handes or some such godly learned man as I know to bee of vpright iudgemente in the Scriptures the true interpretation wherof hath been wrested and peruerted by the professors of this new Religion I see and am sory to thinke vnto what penury the worlde is brought since the ouerthrowe of Abbies to the greate impouerishment of this Realme and what a sorte of skipiackes are now crepte into the places of aunciente and graue Fathers by whom the holy Sacramentes are nothing at all Sacramentally vsed contrary to the institucions of the Catholike Church of Rome our holy Mother With these and the like wordes hee is a deepe dissembler in Religion And also to picke thankes and profit at all mennes handes hee can frame himselfe to feede all mens humors so cunning is hee in this filthy Arte of Flattery from which kinde of dissemblers and al others God sheelde vs and sende vs his grace that wee may embrace the honest and godly retinue of Lady Trueth and shake of all such flatterers and dissemblers as haue hitherunto peruerted the natures of men in these our dayes ❧ The sixth Dialogue betweene Diogenes and Ulpianus Wherin is expressed vnder the person of the Author the simplicity of such as thinke the Courte to preferre all that flocke vnto it which after experience had therof is found an vnfit place for simple persons of grosse education Diogenes WH●…t new delight hath rapt thy minde my tumbling tub to shun H●…th fronticke folly woue the web that foolish fancy spun Doth carefull Court accoy thy minde where daungers daily dwell To loth the fleldish quiet lyfe that whilom lykt thee well Expresse therfore the cause to mee whom freendship driues to doubte Least thou bee causer of thy woe by seekinge Fortune out Whose coy conceites I saw full well while I in Court abode Wherby my olde delight renewde to liue in feeldes abrode When Alexander mighty king in Macedon did rayne Hee wonne mee to Dame Fortunes Court by lure of pleasant traine Where I might vew the vayne delightes that vaded euery day I saw and smilde how some still gapte for gayne of golden pray Which was in deede a harmefull hooke with pleasant poysoned bayt For beeing had spight spurnd a pace on his downefall to wayte On fauour alwaye did attende with fayned freendly face The flatterer with cap and knee to sue for Fortunes grace But secret spight stoode still aloofe to hatch his hatefull broo●… And open malice kept a coyle with mad and ragyng moode These and a thousand troubles more in Fortunes Courte I viewde I lothde to drinke those pleasant dregges that danger daily brewde At last as I lay on my Couche a silly mouse I saw That crept out of her homly neast to feede her hungry maw And hauing fed thee tournd agayne with well contented minde Which lesson was a lore to mee from courtlyke state to winde Then to my Tub I turne agayne where I am lorde and Kinge A Castell m●…te for such a Prince wherto I closely clinge My homly house no eye sore is my londes none doth desire My fall no man seekes for my wealth I hange not by the bri●…r And thus I dare be bolde to speake as trueth shall offer cause And yet I liue in safeties seat free from the tyrants iawes Wherfore friend Fulwell leaue thy g●…d and liue with mee in rest No lyfe is like a quiet hart lodgde in contented brest No new delight of courtly ioyes hath drawne mee from thy loue Vlp●… Ne sugred band of Fortunes toyes may once my minde remoue To learne experience was the cause that I from thee did wend Skill is a poole that 's bottomles and Wisedome hath no end Insaciable knowledge is a burning quenchlesse fire The more experience geues mee drinke the more I still desire How ofte hast thou with scornefull tongue Dame Fortunes name exprest Which made me long to se the wight whom thou dost so detest That I might say by sight of eye as eke by hearesayes talke That Fortune is a v●…nge flower a withered fruitlesse stalke This this I say sent mee to Court where I might see and learne To know the dusty chaffe from corne and good from yll discerne There saw I wonders very straunge that asketh time to tell They thinke there is no other Heauen that ay hath bene in Hell. When thou an I in whelmed Tub from stormes in couert lay I thought no harbour like to that for night and rainy day Our rootes mee se●…de was sweete repast and iunkets passinge ●…ne For hunger is a noble sauce and thirst makes water wine A wodden dish is worthy plate where mettals are vnknowne In steede of goblet nature gaue vs handes that are our owne But when I came to courtly trayne then might my eyes beholde Such buyldings braue such costly robes such plate of glittering gold ●…er Such gems and iewels of great price such fashions of atyre Such flaunting Dames whose beautye braue would kindle Cupids Such iustling to beare swing and sway such clyming to the top And some I saw did reape the corne that neuer sowde the crop Diogenes And might not these enflame thy minde in courty troupe to stay Vlpianus No no but lende thy eares a while and so shall I display The cause that I am far vnfit to serue in Fortunes traine Wherby my fates inforceth mee to clownish flelde agayne As kinde forbids the Larke to swim and fishe to fly in ayre So I in Court deuoyde of hope may liue in deepe despaire When first I came to Fortunes Court with hope of happy speede I saw the fruite like Tantalus but might not theron feede I smeld the rost but felt no taste my hunger to augment I might beholde the fragrant Wines and follow by the sent I saw the Ladyes gallant gownes with many a garde and dente And Courtiers for their Ladies sakes in costly colours went The fashion of my thread bare robes no Courtier did desire But eche one sayd a ragged Colte may serue a scabbed squire And thus I kilde a Courtier then for courting any more I saw the snare and scapte the trayne and hauing learnd this lore I can exhort my compires now that are for Court vnapt To leaue the life that 's linkt in care with troubles daily wrapt Diogenes Then shew I pray the what thou sawest and what thou didst obserue T is longe s●…nce I of Court had vew and courtly fashions swerue Declare to mee how lusty lads Dame Fortunes grace doth win Prepare thy tonge my eares are bent to heare thy tale begin Vlpianus To shew of Robes the sundry sutes and fashions very straunge Would bee to tedious to describe for why they daily change And what was vsde but last yeare past is now so olde and stale That country clownes do buy them now in Courte they haue no sale And that which now in Court