vs follow still the Apostles lore Apostata's thou follow'st euermore They bid refresh the poore with Almes-deedes Thou rauish dost the poore with all misdeedes They promist ioyes eternall neuer wasting You merit noyes infernall euerlasting 18 Of Sheepe turned Wolues WHen hearts obdurate make of sin an habitâ— High frowning Nemesis was wont to senâ— Beares Lions Wolues and Serpents to this end To spoyle the coasts whereso good folke inhabite Now since this age in habite and in act Excels the sinnes of euery former age No maruaile Nemesis in her iust rage Doth like or greater punishment exact And for this cause a cruell beast is sent Not only that deuoures and spoyles the people But spares not house nor village Church nor Steeplâ— And makes poore widdowes mourn Orphants lameÌ„â— You muse perhaps what beasts they be that keep Such beastly rule as seld was seene before T is neither Beare nor Lyon Bull nor Bore But Beasts then al these beasts more harmeful sheâ—â— Loe then the mystery from whence the name Of Cotsold Lyons first to England came 19 Of Lynus borrowing WHen Lynus meets me after salutations Courtsies and complements and gratulations He presseth me euen to the third deniall â—o lend him twenty shillings or a royall But of his purpose of his curtsie fayling He goes behind my backe cursing and rayling Foole thy kind speeches cost not thee a penâ—y And more foole I if they should cost me any 20 Of one Master Carelesse WHere dwels Mr. Carelesse Iesters haue no dwelling Where lies he in his tongue by most mens telling Where bords he there where feasts are fouÌ„d by smelling Where bites he all behind with all men yelling Where bides the man oh sir I mist your spelling â—ow I will read yet well I doe not wot â—ut if that I to him shall point his lot In Shot-ouer at Dogs-head in the pot For in that signe his head oft ouer-shot 21 Against Momus in praise of his dogge Bungey BEcause a witty Writer of this time Doth make some mention in a pleasant rime Of Lepidus and of his famous dogge Thou Momus that dost loue to scoffe and cogge Prat'st amongst base companions and giue'st out That vnto me herein is meant aflout Hate makes thee blinde Momus I dare be sworne He meant to me his loue to thee his scorne Put on thy enuious spectacles and see Whom doth he scorne therein the dogge or mee The Dogge is grac't compared with great Bankes Both beasts right famous for their pretty prankes Although in this I grant the dogge was worse He onely fed my pleasure not my purse Yet that same Dogge I may say this and boast it He found my purse with gold when I haue lost it Now for my selfe some fooles like thee may iudge That at the name of Lepidus I grudge No sure so farre I thinke it from disgrace I wisht it cleare to me and to my race Lepus or Lepos I in both haue part That in my name I beare this in mine heart But Momus I perswade my selfe that no man Will deigne thee such a name English or Roman I le wage a But of Sack the best in Bristo Who calles me Lepid I will call him Tristo 22 Of Faustus NOw Faustus saith long Epigrams are dull Lowt Larks are lothsom wheÌ„ ones panch is fulâ— Yet whom the short doe please the long not weary I wish them neuer weary euer merry 23 Of summum bonum WHile I of summum bonum was disputing Propounding some positioÌ„s som confuting â—ld Sextus sayes that we were all deluded â—nd that not one of vs aright concluded â—nowledge sayth he is only true felicity â—traightwayes a stranger askt me in simplicity â— Sextus learned no quoth I by this light â—hen without light how iudgeth he so right He doth but ayme as poore men vallew wealth The feeble value strength the sicke man health 24 To Mall to comfort her for the losse of her Children â—Hen at the window thou thy doues art feeding Then thinke I shortly my Doue will be breeding â—â—ke will loue like and so my liking like thee 〈◊〉 I to doues in many things can like thee â—oth of you loue your lodgings dry and warme â—oth of you doe your neighbours little harme â—oth loue to feede vpon the firmest graine â—oth for your liuings take but little paine Both murmur kindly both are often billing Yet both to Venus sports will seeme vnwilling Both doe delight to looke your selues in Glasses You both loue your own houses as it passes Both fruitfull are but yet the Doue is wiser For though she haue no friend that can aduise her She patiently can take her young ones losse Thou too impatiently doost beare such crosse 25 Of the excuse of Symony CLerus I heare doth some excuse alledge Of his and other fellowes sacriledge As namely that to some against their wills That men are bound to take the lesse of ills That they had rather no man need to doubt Take Liuings whole then such as his without And therefore we must lay this haynous crime Not vnto them forsooth but to the time Alas a fault confest were halfe amended But sinne is doubled that is thus defended I know a right wise man sings and beleeues Where no Receiuers are there be no Theeues 26 In commendation of Master Lewkeners sixt description of Venice Dedicated to Lady Warwick 1595. LO here 's describ'd though but in little roome Faire Venice like a Spouse in Neptunes armes For freedome emulous to ancient Rome Famous for counsell much and much for Armes Whose stories earst written with Tuscan quill Lay to our English wits as halfe conceal'd Till Lewkners learned trauaile and his skill In well grac'd stile and phrase hath it reueald Venice be proud that thus augments thy fame England be kind enricht with such a Booke Both giue due honor to that noble Dame For whom this taske the Writer vnder-tooke 27 Of one that gaue a Benefice A Squire of good account affirm'd he went A learned man a Liuing to present But yet that Squire in this did breake no square He purposed thereof to keepe a share â—o set two sonnes to schoole to make them Clarks He doth reserue each yeere an hundred markes Ah said the Priest this card is too too cooling I set your sonnes nay they set me to schooling 28 Of Faustus fishing WIth siluer hooke Faustus for flesh was fishing But that game byting not vnto his wishing He said he did being thus shrewdly matcht Fish for a Roach but had a Gudgen catcht Faustus it seemes thy luck therein was great For sure the Gudgen is the better meat Now bayt againe that game is set so sharpe That to that Gudgen thou mayst catch a Carpe 29 To his friend Of his Booke of Aiax YOu muse to find in me such alteration That I that may denly to write was wont Would now set to a Booke so desperate front As I might scant defend by incitation My Muse that time did need a strong
vowed to shunne all companies vnruly â—nd in his speech he vsde none oath but truely â—nd zealously to keepe the Sabboths rest His meate for that day on the e'ue was drest And lest the custome that hee had to steale Might cause him sometime to forget his zeale He giues his iournymen a speciall charge That if the stuffes allowance being large He found his fingers were to filch inclin'd Bid him but haue the Banner in his minde This done I scant can tell the rest for laughter A Captaine of a Ship came three daies after And brought three yards of Veluet three quarters To make Venetians downe below the garters He that precisely knew what was enuffe Soone slipt away three quarters of the stuffe His man espying it said in derision Remember Master how you saw the vision Peace knaue quoth he I did not see one ragge Of such a colour'd silke in all the flagge 21 Of one Paulus a great man that expected to be followed PRoud Paulus late aduanc't to high degree Expects that I should now his follower be Glad I would be to follow ones direction By whom my honest suits might haue protection But I sue Don Fernandos heyre for land Against so great a Peere he dare not stand A Bishop sues me for my tithes that 's worse He dares not venter on a Bishops curse Sergeant Erifilus beares me old grudges Yea but saith Paulus Sergeants may be Iudges Pure Cinna o're my head would begge my Lease Who my Lord. Man O hold your peace Rich widdow Lesbia for a slander sues me Tush for a womans cause he must refuse me Then farewell frost Paulus henceforth excuse me For you that are your selfe thrall'd to so many Shall neuer be my good Lord if I haue any 22 Of a terrible Temporall non-resident OLd Cosmus hath of late got one lewd qualitie To rayle at some that haue the cure of soules And his pure sprite their auarice controules That in their liuings is such inequalitie That they that can keepe no good hospitalitie And some that would whose fortune he condoles â—ant meanes which comes he sayes in generalitie â—ecause of these same Toâ—â—â—â—ts and Pluralitie Affirming as a sentence full discust One Clergie man haue but one liuing must â—ut he besides his sundry ciuill offices â—ath brought in fee fiue fat Impropriations â—welue Patronages rights or Presentations â—ll which he keepes yet preaches not nor prophesies â—el Cosmus hold thy tong else some wil scoffe at this thou d'st haue vs thinke a Priest should haue but one Wee 'le thinke nay say nay sweare thou shouldst haue none â—l sutes it thee to blame then for non Residents That giuest thereof such foule and shamefull Presidenâ—â— 23 A Tale of a Rosted Horse ONe Lord 2. Knights 3. Squires 7. Dames at least My kind friend Marcus bade vnto his Feast Where were both Fish and Flesh and all acates That men are wont to haue that feast great States To pay for which next day he sold a Nagge Of whose pace colour Raine he vs'd to bragge Well I le ne're care for red or fallow Deere And if a Horse thus cookt can make such cheere 24 Of Madam Dondrages with her faire brest A Fauorite of Charles late King of France Disporting with the King one day by chance Madam Dondrages came among the rest All bare as still she vsed 〈◊〉 her brest The King would needs haue notice of his Minion Of this free Dame what was his franke opinion I say and dare affirme my liege quoth he That if the crupper like the pertrell be A King a Loue I worthy can account Vpon so braue a trapped beast to mount 25 The Author to his wife of a womans eloquence MY Mall I mark that wheÌ„ you mean to proue me To buy a Veluet gowne or some rich border Thou calst me good sweet heart thou swearst to loue me Thy locks thy lips thy looks speak all in order Thou think'st and right thou think'st that these doe moue me That all these seuerally thy sute do further But shall I tell thee what most thy suit aduances Thy faire smoothe words no no thy faire smoothe banches 26 Of Peleus ill-fortune in burying his friends OLd Peleus plaines his fortune and ill chaunce That still he brings his friends vnto the graue God Peleus I would thou hadst led the daunce And I had pointed thee what friends to haue 27 To my Lady Rogers of breaking her bitches legge â—Ast night you laid it Madam in our dish How that a mayd of ours whom we must check â—â—d broke your bitches legge I straight did wish â—â—e baggage rather broken had her neck 〈◊〉 tooke my answer well and all was whish But take me right I meant in that I said Your baggage bitch and not my baggage mayd 28 Of Paying A Captaine late arriu'd from losse of Sluce Hearing some friend of mine did him abuse â—ow'd he would pay him when he met him next â—y friend with these great threats nothing perplext Prayd that the promise faild not of fulfilling For three yeeres past he lent him fortie shilling 29 The Author of his owne fortune TAke fortune as it falles as one aduiseth Yet Heywood bids me take it as it riseth â—nd while I think to doe as both doe teach 〈◊〉 falles and riseth quite beside my reach 30 Of the cause of dearth I Heare our Country neighbors oft complaine Their fruits are still destroyd with too much raiâ— Some gesse by skill of Starres and Science vaine Some watry Planet in the heauens doth raigne No Sinne doth raigne on earth the case is plaine Which if we would repent and then refraine The skyes would quickly keepe their course againe Now that with lewdnesse we be luld asleepe The heauens to see our wickednesse doe weepe 31 To Sir Hugh Portman in supping alone in too much company WHen you bade forty guests to me vnknowne I came not though you twice for me did send For which you blame me as a sullen friend Sir pardon me I list not suppe alone 32 Of Sextus a bad husband HAd I good Sextus well considered first And better thought on phrases of ciuilitie When I said you of husbands were the worst I should haue said excepting the Nobilitie Well none to speak more mannerly and true The Nobles and great States-men all foreprised â—n husband worse then you I neuer knew â—hen mend yet thus in mending be aduised Be no good husband for as some haue thought Husbands that will be good make huswifes nought 33 Of writing with double pointing It is said that King Edward of Carnaruan lying at Berkly Castle prisoner a Cardinall wrote to his Keeper Edwardum occidere noli timere bonum est which being read with the point at timere it cost the King his life Here ensues as doubtfull a point but I trust not so dangerous DAmes are indude with vertues excellent What man is he can proue that they offend Daily they serue the Lord with good intent
authors wiues Mother â—F I but speake words of a pleasing sound Yea though the same be but in sport and play â—ou bid me peace or else a thousand pound â—uch words shall worke out of my childrens way When you say thus I haue no word to say â—hus without Obligation I stand bound â—hus wealth makes you command hope me obay â—ut let me finde this true another day â—lse when your body shall be brought to ground Your soule to blessed Abrahams bosome I. May with good manners giue your soule the lye 2 Of the Bishopricke of Landaffe A Learned Prelate late dispos'd to laffe Hearing me name the Bishop of Landaffe You should say he aduising well hereon Call him Lord Aff for all the land is gone 3 Of Don Pedro's Dyet drinke DOn Pedro drinkes to no man at the boord Nor once a taste doth of his cup affoord Some thinke it pride in him but see their blindnesse I know therein his Lordship doth vs kindnesse 4 Of Leda and Balbus LEda was Balbus queane yet might shee haue denide it She weds him now what meanes hath Leda left to hide it 5 Of Cinna his Gossip cup. WHen I with thee Cinna doe dine or sup Thou still do'st offer me thy Gossips cup And though it sauour well and be well spiced Yet I to taste therof am not enticed Now sith you needs will haue me cause alledge While I straine curt'sie in that cup to pledge One said thou mad'st that cup so hote of spice That it had made thee now a widdower twice I will not say 't is so nor that I thinke it But good Sir pardon me I cannot drinke it 6 Of Leda's Religion MY louely Leda some at thee repining Askt me vnto what sect thou art inclining Which doubts shall I resolue among so many Whether to none to one to all to any Surely one should be deem'd a false accusant That would appeach Leda for a Recusant Her fault according to her former vsing Was noted more in taking then refusing For Lent or Fasts she hath no superstition For if she haue not chang'd her old condition Be it by night in bed in day in dish Flesh vnto her more welcome is then Fish Thou art no Protestant thy fals-hood saith Thou canst not hope to saue thy selfe by faith Well Leda yet to shew my good affection I le say thy sect is of a double section A Brownist louely browne thy face and brest The Families of Loue in all the rest 7 That fauorites helpe the Church OF late I wrote after my wanton fashion That fauourites consume the Churches rents But mou'd in conscience with retraction I le shew how sore that rashnes me repents For noting in my priuate obseruation What rents and schismes among vs dayly grow No hope appeares of reconciliation By helpe of such as can or such as know My Muse must sing although my soule laments That Fauorites increase the Churches rents 8 Of Cinna his courage PVre Cinna saith and proudly doth professe That if the quarrell he maintaines be good No man more valiant is to spend his bloud No man can dread of death of danger lesse But if the cause be bad he doth confesse His heart is cold and cowardly his moode Well Cinna yet this cannot be withstood Thou hast but euill lucke I shrewdly gesse That biding whereas brawles are bred most rife Thou neuer hadst good quarrell all thy life 9 Of a Lawyer that deseru'd his fee. SExtus retain'd a Sergeant at the Lawes With one good Fee in an ill-fauor'd cause The matter bad no Iudge nor Iury plyent The verdit clearely past against the Clyent With which he chaft and swore he was betray'd Because for him the Sergeant little said And of the Fee he would haue barr'd him halfe Whereat the Sergeant wroth said Dizzard Calfe Thou would'st if thou hadst wit or sence to see Confesse I had deseru'd a double Fee That stood and blushed there in thy behalfe 10 Of Don Pedro. A Slaue thou wert by birth of this I gather For euer more thou sai'st my Lord my Father 11 Against Lynus a writer I Heare that Lynus growes in wondrous choller Because I said he wrote but like a scholler If I haue said so Linus I must grant it What ere I speake thy scholler-ship concerning I neuer thought or meant that thou hast learning But that hereof may grow some more recitall I 'le teach thee how to make mee full requitall Say thou to breed me equall spight and choller Misacmos neuer writes but like a scholler 12 Of Don Pedros bonds DOn Pedro cares not in what bonds he enter Then I to trust Don Pedro soone will venter For no man can of bonds stand more secure Then he that meanes to keepe his paiment sure 13 Against Cayus that scorn'd his Metamorphosis LAst day thy Mistris Cayus being present One hapt to name to purpose not vnpleasant The Title of my mis-conceiued Booke At which you spit as though you could not brooke So grosse a Word but shall I tell the matter Why If one names a Iax your lips doe water There was the place of your first loue and meeting There first you gaue your Mistris such a greeting As bred her scorne your shame and others lafter And made her feele it twenty fortnights after Then thanke their wit that make the place so sweet That for your Hymen you thought place so meet But meet not Maids at Madam Cloacina Lest they cry nine moneths after Helpe Lucina 14 Against an Atheist THat heau'ns are voide that no gods there are Rich Paulus saith and all his proofe is this That while such blasphemies pronounce he dare He liueth here in ease and earthly blisse 15 Of Cosmus heyre WHen all men thought old Cosmus was a dying And had by Will giu'n thee much goods lands Oh how the little Cosmus fell a crying Oh how he beates his brests and wring his hands How feruently for Cosmus health he pray'd What worthy Almes he vow'd on that condition But when his pangs a little were allayd â—nd health seem'd hoped by the learn'd Physicion Then though his lips all loue and kindnesse vanted His heart did pray his prayer might not be granted 16 Of Faustus a stealer of Verses I Heard that Faustus oftentimes reherses To his chaste Mistris certaine of my Verses â—n which with vse so perfect he is growne â—hat she poore foole now thinkes they are his owne â— would esteeme it trust me grace not shame â—f Dauis or if Daniel did the same â—or would I thanke or would I quarrell pike â— when I list could doe to them the like â—ut who can wish a man a fowler spight â—hen haue a blinde man take away his light A begging Theefe is dangerous to my purse A baggage Poet to my Verse is worse 17 Misacmos of himselfe MVse you Misacmos failes in some endeuour Alas an honest man 's a Nouice euer Fie but a man 's disgrac'd noted a Nouice Yea
I may sweare none euer will say more 32 Of Free will I Know a foolish fellow hath a fashion To proue that all is by Predestination And teach's nor man nor spirit hath free will In dooing no nor thinking good or ill I am no Doctor at this disputation Nor are deepe questions fit for shallow skill Yet I 'le renounce with learn'd men reputation If I disproue not this by demonstration He proue so plaine as none can it resist That in some things three things do what they list The wind saith Scripture where it list doth blow His tongue talkes what it lists his speeches showe My heart beleeues him as it list I know 33 Of a drunken Paracelsian WHen Pilo other trades of thrift had mist He then profest to be an Alcumist That 's all too much Chimist you might him call And so I thinke t were true and leaue out all He takes vpon him he can make a mixture Of which he can extract the true elixar Tinctur of Pearle and Currall he doth draw And Quintessence the best that ere you saw He hath the cure except Aqua Mirabilis Only he wants drammes Auri potabilis He doth of nature so the secret ferrit That he of euery thing can draw the spirit Spirits of mynes spirits of stones and herbes Whose names can scant be told with nownes and verbes But of all spirits my spirit doth diuine His spirit best doth loue the spirit of wine 34 Of Misacmos his successe in a suite MIsacmos hath long time a suter beene To serue in some neere place about the Queene â—n which his friends to work his better speede Doe tell her Highnesse as t is true indeede That hee 's a man well borne and better bred In humane studyes seene in stories read Adding vnto an industry not small Pleasant conceit and memory withall And chiefely that he hath beene from his youth A zealous searcher of Eternall Truth Now neuer wonder he his suite doth misse What I haue told you that the reason is 35 A Groome of the Chambers religion in King Henry the eights time ONe of King Henries Fauorites beganne To moue the King one day to take a man Whom of his Chamber he might make a Groome Soft sayd the King before I graunt that roome It is a question not to be neglected How he in his Religion stands affected For his Religion answered then the Minion I doe not certaine know what 's his opinion But sure he may talking with men of learning Conforme himselfe in lesse then ten days warning 36 To Doctor Haruey of Cambridge THe prouerbe sayes Who fights with durty foes Must needs be foyld admit they winne or lose Then think it doth a Doctors credit dash To make himselfe Antagonist to Nash 37 An infallible rule to rule a wife To his wiues mother COncerning th' wiues hold this a certaine rule That if at first you let them haue the rule Your selfe at last with them shall haue no rule Except you let them euer-more to rule ProbatuÌ„ est 38 Why Paulus takes so much Tobacco WHen our good Irish neighbours make repaire With Lenton stâ—ffe vnto Bridgewaters Faire At euery Boothe and Alehouse that they come They call for Herring straight they must haue some Hostis I preâ—dee hast â—ee any Herring Yea sir O passing meaâ— a happy Herâ—ing Herring they aske they praise they eate they buy No price of Herring can be held too hie But when among them iâ— is closely muâ—ter'd Those Herringâ— that they bought to sell are â—tter'd Then giue them Herring Poh away with these Pree d ee good Hostis giue 's some English Cheese Hence I haue learn'd the cause and see it clearely Why Paulus takes Tobacco buyes it â—earely At Tippling-houses where he eates and drinks That euery roome straight of Tobacco stinks He swears t is salue for all diseases bred It strengthens ones weake back comforts the head Dulls much flesh-appetite t is cordiall durable It cures that ill which some haue thought incurable Thus while proud Paulus hath Tobacco praised The price of eu'ry pound a pound is raised And why 's all this because he loues it well No but because himselfe hath store to sell. But hauing sold all his he will pronounce The best in Cane not worth a groat an ounce 39 Of a formall Minister A Minister affecting singularitie And preaching in the Pulpit of his theame Borne with the current of the common streame Extolling faith and hope forgetting charitie For while he was most busie in his Text He spyde a woman talking with her next And straight â—e crid to her Dame leaue thy babbling Wherewith the good poore woman shrewdly vext Could hold no longer but fell flat to squabbling Beshrew thy naked heart she doth reply Who babbled in this place more thou or I 40 Of a lawfull wife AT end of three yeeres law and sute and strife wheÌ„ Canon lawes coÌ„mon both coÌ„mand heâ— Cys married thee now sue them for a slaunder That dare deny she is thy lawfull wife 41 Against Feasting LAst day I was vnto your house inuited And on the â—ord were forty diuers dishes Of Sallets and of flesh fowles and fishes With which God knowes I little am delighted Became I came I tooke that you did bid me But now I rather thinke you did forbid me 42 Against Lynus that said the Nobility were decayed YOu Lynus say that most of our Nobilitie Are much decayd in valour and in wit Though some of them haue wealth and good ability Yet very few for gouernment are fit â—oole seest thou not that in our stately buildings â—laine massy stones the substance doth sustaine â—et colloms wreath'd staid set out with guildings Must in high ranke for ornament remaine So men of noble birth the State adorne But by the wise stout learnd the sway is borne 43 To Itis alias Ioyner an vncleanly token conuayd in cleanly tearmes TOrquato Tasso for one little fault That did perhaps deserue some small rebuke Was by his sharp and most vngratefull Duke Shut vp close prisoner in a loathsome vault Where wanting Pen and Inke by Princes order His wit that wals of Adamant could pierce Found meanes to write his mind in excellent verse For want of Pen and Inke with pisse and ordure But thy dull wit damn'd by Apollos crew To dungeon of disgrace though free thy body With pen nay Print doth publish like a noddy Base taunts that turn'd vpon thy selfe are true And wanting salt thy wallowish stile to season And being of vncouth tearmes a senslesse coyner Thou call'st thy selfe vnproperly a Ioyner Whose verse hath quite disseuer'd rime and reason Deseruing for such rayling and such bodging For this Torquatos Inke for that his Lodging 44 To his wife WHen I to thee my Letters superscribe Thus To mine own Leda therat doth iybe And aske her why she saith because I flatter But let her thinke so still it makes no matter If I doe flatter onely thou canst try
for the greater terrour â—diudged first to lye a yeere in fetters â—hen burned in his forhead with two letters â—nd to disparage him with more disgrace â—o slit his nose the figure of his face The prisoners wife with no dishonest mind To shew her selfe vnto her husband kind Sued humbly to the Lords and would not cease Some part of this sharp rigour to release He was a man she said had seru'd in warre What mercy would a Souldiers face so marre Thus much said she but grauely they replied It was great mercy that he thus was tried His crimes deserue he should haue lost his life And hang in chaines Alas repli'd his wife If you disgrace him thus you quite vndoe him Good my Lords hang him pray be good vnto him 44 Of Don Pedro. DOn Pedro neuer dines without red Deere If red Deere be his guests grasse is his cheere I but I meane he hath it in his dish And so haue I oft what I doe not wish 45 The Author to his wife MAll once in pleasant company by chance I wisht that you for company would dance Which you refus'd and said your yeeres require Now Matron-like both manners and attire Well Mall if needs thou wilt be Matron-like Then trust to this I will a Matron like â—et so to you my loue may neuer lessen 〈◊〉 you for Church house bed obserue this lesson 〈◊〉 in the Church as solemne as a Saint â—o deed word thought your due deuotion taint â—aile if you will your head your soule reueale â—o him that onely wounded soules can heale 〈◊〉 in my house as busie as a Bee â—auing a sting for euery one but mee â—uzzing in euery corner gathering hony â—et nothing waste that costs or yeeldeth mony â—nd when thou seest my heart to mirth incline 〈◊〉 tongue wit bloud warme with good cheere and wine Then of sweet sports let no occasion scape But be as wanton toying as an Ape 46 Of Lelia WHen louely Lelia was a tender girle She hapt to be deflowred by an Earle â—las poore wench she was to be excused â—â—ch kindnesse oft is offered seld refused â—ut be not proud for she that is no Countesse â—nd yet lies with a Count must make account this All Countesses in honour her surmount They haue she had an honourable Count. 47 Of a drunken Smith I Heard that SMVG the Smith for ale and spice Sold all his tooles and yet he kept his vice 48 Of Soothsaying MIght Kings shun future mischief by foretelling TheÌ„ amongst Soothsayers 't were excelleÌ„t dweâ—ling But if there be no means such harmes repelling The knowledge makes the sorrow more excelling But this deare Soueraigne me comfort doth That of these Sooth-sayers very few say sooth 49 A good request of a Lawyer A Pleasant Lawyer standing at the barre The Causes done and day not passed farre A Iudge to whom he had profest deuotion Askt him in grace if he would haue a motion Yes Sir quoth he but short and yet not small That whereas now of Satieants is a call I wish as most of my profession doe That there might be a call of Clyents too For sure it brings vs Lawyers mickle cumber Because of them we find so small a number 50 Of Friendship NEw friends are no friends how can that be true The oldest friends that are were somtimes new 51 Of Caius increase in his absence WHile Caius doth remaine beyond the Seas And followes there some great important suit â—is Lands bare neither Oates nor Beanes nor Pease â—ut yet his wife beares faire and full-growne fruit What is the cause that brings his Lands sterility â—nd his wiues fruitfulnes and great fertility His Lands want occupyers to manure them But she hath store knows how to procure them 52 Of a toothlesse Shrew OLd Ellen had foure teeth as I remember She cought out two of them the last December â—ut this shrewd cough in her raign'd so vnruly â—e cought out tother two before t was Iuly â—ow she may cough her heart out for in sooth â—he said shrewd cough hath left her ne're a tooth But her curst tongue wanting this common curbe Doth more then erst the houshold all disturbe 53 To Doctor Sharpe LAte I tooke leaue of two right noble dames And hasted to my wife as I protested You will'd me stay awhile and thus you iested You Sir may please your Wife with Epigrams Well said 't was Doctor-like and sharply spoken No friendship breakes where iests so smooth are 〈◊〉 But now you haue new orders tane of late Those orders which as you expound Saint Paul Are equall honourable vnto all I meane of marriage the holy state I hope in Lent when flesh growes out of date You will in stead of tother recreation Be glad to please your wife with some Collation 54 Of the Papists Feasts and the Brownists Fasts A Papist dwelling to a Brownist neere Their seruants met and vanted of their cheeâ— And first the Papists man did make his bost He had each festiuall both bak't and rost And where said he your zealous sort allow On Christmasse day it selfe to goe to plow We feast and play and walke and talk and slumbâ—â— Besides our holy dayes are more in number As namely we doe keepe with great festiuity Our Ladies both assumption and natiuity S. Pauls conuersion S. Iohns decollation S. Laurence broyld S. Swithens moyst translation S. Peters chaines and how with Angels vision He brake the prison quite without misprision â— grant the tother said you seeme more gainesome But for your sport you pay too deare a ransome We like your Feasts your Fastings bred our greeues Your Lents your Ember weekes and holy Eeues But this coniunction I should greatly praise The Brownists fasts with Papists holy daies 55 Of Mile the glutton MIlo with haste to cram his greedy gut One of his thumbs vnto the bone had cut Then straight it noysed was about by some That he had lost his stomack with his thumb To which one said No worse hap fall vnto him But if a poore man finde it 't will vndoe him 56 Of Fortune FOrtune men say doth giue too much to many But yet shee neuer gaue enough to any 57 Of deuotion and promotion I Met a Lawyer at the Court this Lent And asking what great cause him thither sent He said that mou'd with Doctor Androes fame To heare him preach he onely thither came But straight I wisht him softly in his eare To find some other sense else some will sweare Who to the Court come onely for deuotion They in the Church pray onely for promotion 58 Of a painted Lady I Saw dame Leda's picture lately drawne With haire about her eares transparent Lawne Her Iuory paps and euery other part So limd vnto the life by Painters Art That I that had been long with her acquainted Did think that both were quick or both were painteâ— 59 Of Galla's gallantry WHat is the cause our Galla is so gallant Like ship in