hinder a good Intent Shall the Discoveror for a Warrant stay 'Till the Thief or the Murderer be quite run away When the false Witness ' gainst the true Man cries Which shall the Judge believe his Ears or his Eyes When there is matter of Law to act The shift is to plead matter of Fact The Deed is wrong the Cause is right So Justice bids us all Good Night If then this way of Reasoning hold To do all wrong we may be bold A brave Rule much for their Credit Factum valet fieri non debuit So the grand Sophs by such false Rules Make selves and others Knaves and Fools They talk much of Womens Reasons But when did we justifie Treasons And slubber Crimes so slightly o're Suffer Hypocrisie to keep the Door That we are wicked we can't deny Yet we 're not so much given to lye In this they give us the Go-by Matter of Fact Matter of Right Ever maintain a deadly Fight O the Rogueries and Cheats That Men can work by such damn'd Feats They say Women cannot dispute But our Honesty can Men confute We profess no good therefore defie it They profess all good and deny it Surely we have as good Brains As they and do take as much Pains But they exceed us in the Main Because they get all the Gain Philosophy and History And every profound Mystery We dare agree with them for their Bones For all their Philosophers Stones They hide all Ill by their Gravity We discover all by our Pravity Why cannot we be given to Reading Tho they take up all the Pleading They 're glad to come to us a woing We 're more for knowing they for doing Video meliora proboque We can kill ye so can they and stroke ye We stand aloof from sacred Ares Because our guilt creates our Fears They draw nigh to holy Fires To sacrifice with foul Desires We offer at the Devil's Shrine Because to serve him we combine We 'l not compare with Men for Lungs But dare outvy them all for Tongues We can contrive and boldly charge And send them to look out at large As Underlings they act our parts While we study the Curious Arts. We can do more with a Words speaking Than they with all their pains in seeking We cut out they do the rest They are but our Apes at best We conquer and get the Day They carry all the Credit away Sic vos non vobis fertis aratra Boves Sic vos non vobis vellificatis Oves When all comes to all you Men are dull A great Cry but a little Wool All the Wit is on our side But you Men take all the Pride Mira vox aures me as percrepuit Factum valet Fieri non debuit The Man was hang'd wrongfully for good and all 'T is well done tho it should not have been done at all The Man 's turn'd out of Home and House Lands Goods and Chattels and 's not worth a Lowse He must bear it now 't is done The Constable cannot be out-run In a dark stormy Night what hope My Life and Estate lies at the end of a Rope Save me from the Turk and Pope And Land me at the Cape of good Hope I had rather be knockt o' th' head at the Altar Than basely to dye like a Dog in a Haltar Hearken well what the New Law saith Pay Debts by Debenturs or Publick Faith Panormitan Hottoman Bartolus Wesembeck Godofred joyn to Cajole us Navar Duns Covarâ—dvias School us Masters of Sentences befool us When cold they can heat us when hot they can cool us The Doctors be the Case good or bad Can make Clients merry or sad Maâ—â— them sober or make them mad St. Thomas of Aquine was a pretty Lad. St. Thomas of Becket was a man of great Fame But Aristotle was the Cock of the Game A Company of Witches shall get the Day Rout 'um and make 'um all run away Infatuate 'um besot 'um and blind ' um And make 'um leave all their Wits behind ' um Every Bufflehead and Pickeroon Gets him a Name and lyes a Bed till Noon As Famous as the Man in the Moon The Man of the Dwarfs or Giants Statures The Man of two Names and the Man of two Natures You need not for Lawyers and Schoolmen call For we know as much as the best of 'um all Intelligent Spirits are the Masters that teach us In nothing but Law can you over-reach us 'T is that Letter alone that strikes us dead Tho all the Arguments we knock on the head By murdering Weapons for want of good Reasons You may make what you please Felonies or Treasons So when a Cuckold is Cornuted Send him to the Hangman to be confuted Your Tutors can never be so wise or so good Because they at the best are but Flesh and Blood They understand by clear Intuitions You fetch a Compass by blind Propositions If a Thief in the Way that is called High For a Purse of Gold makes me Promise or Dyâ—â— Must I perform it Tell me the Reason why You say a Nude Pact's of no more force than a Lye And yet I am bound my Gold to bring As if it were the Word of a King Will Reason allow of any such thing You say Fallere fallentem non est Fraus But Honesty forbids such a Cause For I must not Cheat tho I be cheated But I may defeat rather than be defeated I hope my Promised Gold is not Escheated I presume if I have any Skill A forced Will is no Will Especially if you threaten me to kill When Questions are put for matter of Fact Should we not mind the Justice of the Act Should only Custom and Prescription Make good or bad against Jurisdiction How are wise Men out in this Cause When Wrongs are done contrary to Laws And yet because done in this Case The Fact before the Right takes place Farewel then all that 's good and just When wicked Customs prevail must Is it enough because they are acted Then bad need ne're be retracted Then all past Evils may keep their station Then there needs be no Reformation Let Wrongs be still say they for hear ye We must not Quieta movere To remove Dun Thiefs take no care For fear of Infecting the Air. Leave the Sick to dye amain For fear you should put them to pain Or for fear they should come again Take no Physick ' swage no Tumors For fear of stirring the Humors For fear of Surfets leave eating or drinking Use no Close-stool for fear of stinking If this be Honest or good Sense In Arts I never will Commence Farewel for ever studying Laws If we must make so many Flaws And whatsoever Wrong is done It shall be made right at the Long run How can that that ne're was True Be made True Give every thing its due A Spade's a Spade all 's Right or Wrong Else all we say or do is but a Song There are more Leaden Lesbian
Lawyers and Sects leave your Canting For all this Satyr is but a Witches Ranting Philosophers and Poets play all the like Game I wish all Ranters were sober and tame So I might get my self a Name And this is all I poor Witch intend That every Rascal would amend And so they then me might come to a better End A grave wise Debauchee that soonest takes Pet May be soonest caught in a Fools Net A Capricious Ass in my Apprehension May be rid of his Folly by a Fools Reprehension A great Opiniator may come to my School And soonest be cured by Ridicule That Purge settles him upon the Close Stool In these damnably daring angry Times Fops are fetcht over by ridiculous Rhimes Of Vice there are divers ways of Perstringing Some by Stroaking some by Swinging Some by Mildness some by Fury ' Specially when it comes to an Ignoramus Jury Some in grave solid sober Sadness Some in a holy Rage and Madness Some in learned solemn Tables Some in lighter strains and Fables Some from an Enemy some from a Friend All tending to the self same End 'T is a strange Spirit that winks at all Evil And suffers men quietly to go to the Devil They can't help it they say and they 're loath to speak They wish'twere better and their hearts do break But the Vessel drowns and they won't stop the Leak Is this enough for Honest men to say To see Murder committed and sneak away They 'le not flownce into danger thick and thin 'T is best to keep in a whole Skin Is this Right to maintain Mine and Thine To go contrary to Justice Humane or Divine Don't I see this plainly Yes I do as bad as you make me And hate it too or else the Devil take me Malignant Humors won't endure to be stirr'd A dull Jade kicks when he 's Spurr'd Old Soars refuse to be Launcht 'T is pain for twisted Guts to be Pauncht I censure my own and all other mens Sins And lay as for Vermine strong Traps and Gins That 's more than pricking with Needles and Pins All in good earnest though by a kind of Rhiming Party-per-Pale betwixt Ringing and Chiming Variety of Changes not exactly Timing Sometimes downright sometimes contrary According as my poor Wits chance to vary 'T is better than to scum Cream or Churn in my Dairy Tho when I speak like my self 't is not altogether so clean A Poet must do so and all but Fools may know what I mean I lash hardest when I make the least noise And am most serious when I play the most Toys 'T is true in Me Video Meliora 'T is as true sequor Deteriora In this you must know I demonstrate my self As I am and must be a damned Elf. The dull Readers understand me not Right As Scholars do at the first sight 'T is certain in most things I am very Tight And it may be I have hit the White But 't is for your good that I take all the Pains That tho I lose you may get all the Gains I find Learned men are not so free To rebuke Sin as you perceive me to be If they do well in this Judge ye They are shy and fearful that 's plain Of losing their Friends Honour and Gain This is no true Honesty I 'le maintain I tho a Witch am of a Nobler strain This is enough to convince Connivance And this is the Reason of my Contrivance For a Maiden Fancy this may fly But the Devil a Maid am I. The World is grown to the height of all Evil When none dare to tax Sin but a Witch or a Devil 'T is very inexcusable therefore you see Hypocrisie in the highest Degree Sure all sorts of Vices in heaps lye Ram'd When both Wise and Fools are not afraid to be Damn'd 'T is an excellent Witches Observation Incorrigibility destroys a Nation The Prophane kind in their shame run on While the Better sort stand and look on What call you this but perfect Collusion In some Body and whither tends it but to Confusion That which they hate they that sit in the Chair To suppress take no Care How then is it likely the World should well fare This great Fault in my way I don't spare It may be I have suffered long For doing Right before I did Wrong Therefore to Chide the rude Throng I make this the burden of my Song I wish the World were better grown And I wish my self better but the Fault 's my own Therefore 't is others I bemoan That for themselves never fetcht the least Groan If you will understand me I make Protestation My plain meaning in this Execration Is of all that 's base a full Detestation To Purge out every Spring and Fall A Lawless Distemper that 's Epidemical As for Law my Genius ever led me that way But I could never endure to be hang'd by 't I say When greater Rogues scape I count it foul Play As for Philosophick Fools I ever found fault with their two edged Tools But I am not an Enemy to Schools Gray Gravity it self can well beteam That Language be adapted to the Theme He that to Parrots speaks must Parrotize He that iâ—structs Fools may act the Unwise When States dishevel and Laws untwist Wise men hold their Tongues Fools speak what they list Si Natura negat facit Indignatio Versum Qualemcunque potest 'T is no Sin to rehearse 'um O these horrid Rebel Dogs That Kennel with Toads and Frogs In stinking Dykes and Fenny Bogs Will stir to Honesty no more than Logs He that le ts fly among that Tribe Is rail'd and ball'd at o're the World so wide And every Varlet on his back shall ride They may do all that 's bloody and base And no body dares tell it to their Face They shall smite Honest men hip and thigh Strangers Friends Neighbours and Standers by But no body must offer to say Black 's their Eye All sorts of deadly railing Notes And Curses belch from their poys'nous Throats Plund'ring Hanging all sorts of Undoing Are Virtues while the Good Cause is a going By Yea and Nay in a word They can do all things by the Sword But if the just Law pinch 'um they cry and roar at such Rates As if no less than Hannibal were at the Gates The Wicked undo the godly Mates The only way to cure this Distemper Is for Justice to watch and catch them Semper Or else they are such cross implacable things And carry such deadly Venom in their Stings That they will ruine Priests Nobles and Kings No wonder then if poor Poets they kill That of great Princes have had their Will Devils in Dark act against Right And appear Angels in Light All things are carried by Favour Malice and Might He that rebukes Sin knows to what he must trust That is to be Persecuted and Curst For my part I 'm bad enough let 'um do their worst I confess for this Office Innocents may Rue
Reason why Honour Power and Riches never sin They need not be held up by the Chin But poor Rogues to the Gallows bring None but poor Sinners go to Hell None but rich Rogues do all well 'T is my Greatness must defend me 'T is my Honour must commend me But my Honesty may chance to end me When my Money can't Befriend me I cannot be a rich Rogue till I die I need not tell you the reason why Every Body 's in a good mood I dare say For me live or dead the clean contrary way A Prince be he ne're so good He 's a Tyrant a shedder of Blood But a false Court of Justice a wrong Parliament Always have a good Intent Because they are Omnipotent If the People make Outcries If he be a King or a Priest he dyes They speak Truth all others speak Lyes Lyes from the People are ever believ'd So strongly as never to be retriev'd Thus the World runs all upon Wheels Took by the Tail as we use to catch Eels They that hunt her shall ne're overtake her Yet they that use her will never forsake her I know this to be true Cuds Duds She 'l leave 'um at last all in the Suds Oblige them all Mankind Knaves and Fools you shall be sure to find ‘ I ha' no more of this counterfeit Corn to grind ‘ Verbum Sapienti you know my mind It us'd to be Verbum Sacerdotis 'T is as true tho a Witch speaks you know ' t is The Case is foul you 'l say by Law Hang it 't is not worth a Straw A trusty Blade if it be longer Will make the Title the stronger View it well it is a Donger By it I get and keep my own I 'le quickly take my long Sword down And recover without the long Gown That 's counted ever the best Right That conquers and maintains by Might So you may bid all Laws good Night And when you 're gone play Least in sight You know all this is very Tight No difference 'tween black and white If variance rise among poor Wights The Sword is that sets all to rights Madona Eloquentia Canina Sits in her Barge upon the Rivers Duina Maze Elve Loir Oder Danow Rhine She 's heard Bark as far as Tyne The Guinnyes fly beyond Charing Cross When Actor and Reus are both at a Loss From Dolo malo to Bona Fide The Lawyer and the Devil ride ye I care not what Ill betide ye ‘ I fancy I am some great Queen ‘ Of Fairies clothed all in green ‘ I wonder Words Figures and Charms ‘ Should operate such mighty Harms ‘ And destroy so many Farms ‘ Thundring Spells and brazen Faces ‘ Do nothing till we come to Maces ‘ A Venus for a time may Charm ‘ With a Smile but does little harm ‘ Note it forthwith we feel ‘ Most virtue from Gold or Steel ‘ I wonder why I shou'd do so ‘ 'T is Reason I must whither I will or no. Come with your gifts and never fear The Golden Horse is the better Mare The way to overcome you know 'T is by a Word and a Blow For all your Tricks for all your Plots The Sword is the best to cut Knots You may Vapor o're your Pots You are but Cowards and Sots 'T is the Sword that hits all the Blots And conquers all upon the Spots 'T is to no purpose to cast Lots Clodius accusat Moechos Faith we 'l Feague 'um When we come to Catilina Cethegum Forfeiture destroys all Right But I say 't is want of Might The Law shall sink you out of sight Take it for true upon my Word He has the best Right that has the best Sword Forfeiture is a meer Ass We 're are all mortal Hâ—y and Grass I 'le make it good what e're it was Your Boor was a Sow-Bass Tell me of Titles to House and Land My Sword is ready at my hand Tell me of Law the Fool do's you ride I have my Cutter by my side This is Law and this is all You can Right or Wrong call If to the Schools you won't yield I 'le beat you quite out of the Field If you won't stoop all the World knows You shall be made to stoop by Blows If the Sword will defend the Law The same Sword must keep all in Awe 'T is just so in a Word All Strife is ended by the Sword If you 'l have my Approbation The Sword 's the strength of every Nation Therefore Princes keep your station Of Peace and War you are the Foundation What are Subjects for all their Words If they have leave to use their Swords Farewel to a Monarch his good skill Money and Arms must have their will They 'l not spare Princes Blood to spill ‘ I never knew a Witches or Madmans heart ‘ Or Ideots with Rebels took part ‘ I speak plainly under Correction ‘ I ever was for a lawful Subjection ‘ And safety in a Kings Protection ‘ I ever hated Rebellious Infection ‘ In a Free State Memento ‘ Every Rogue cries Mio non consento ‘ Do their best still 't is Mio non contento ‘ No thanks to the best Kings or the best Parliamento ‘ Hamper such Slaves at the Council of Trento ‘ There are in the World no safer Charms ‘ Than to be embrac'd in a Princes Arms. Scatter your golden Mice and fat a Cause A lusty Bribe will baffle all Laws Else in vain you may plead your heart out And lose the day be ye never so stout With a Silver Dagger stab a good Cause That shall get you all Applause Knock off quick if y' have no money to pay That 's enough for a Body to say But if you 'l come to me to Confessions I 'le teach you a thousand better Lessons Princes Supreme are Legislators Pleaders are Interpretators Judges are Arbitrators Both are very great Translators And of these we are no Admirators So the Result is the Law shall rest In the Juries or Praetors Brest Of Right or Wrong there lies the Nest And there lies the Cream of the Jest 'T is not in your power to choose the Best If your Cause be out of Socket The Remedy is Money in your Pocket That 's that that fits the Docket The richest Jewel in the Locket Or if Rigor won't discharge ye I cannot tell how to enlarge ye You may have the benefit of Clergy That 's more than Hell will award ye ‘ But we Witches to be sure are deluded ‘ From this and all other favours excluded ‘ Tho we can ne're so well rehearse ‘ We are not allowed our Neck Verse ‘ But yet we can allow them a Hearse ‘ A Dram or so let 'um look to 't ‘ Teach 'um to deny us the Book ‘ When we need no Prompter to overlook ‘ And which of all will prove the worse ‘ There 's for them many an endless Curse ‘ Some of us shall be their Nurses ‘ In vain then to draw their
you Fires cut Wood draw Water Do all the Butchery and Slaughter Hunt Hawk Dig and Delve in Mines Cut Quarries Grub-up Roots of Pines Drive Wagons Plow Rowl Sow or Harrow Dung or Marl Land with Court or Barrow Clyp Coyn Stamp Brass Cast false Rings Glass Jewels and Counterfeit Things We can neatly Cog a Dye Or cast a Mist before your Eye Poyson at an hour day or year Whom you please far or near Draw a Rock down with a Twine Or a Castle undermine Stop a River Drain the Ocean Swallow Cities Bragadocian One of us can keep a Town Defeat an Army Steal a Crown Venetian Treasure we did Rob 'T was a very pretty Job Stop Breaches Scale Walls Choak a Gun Shoot White Powder make 'um run Follow 'um pull 'um down never a done CANTO VIII We live alone like Amazons Admit of Slaves to serve our turns No otherwise than as Stallions Then turn them off as poor Pigmalions We can have Fiends to cool our Heats Or fire us into lustful Feats Th' Infernal Gallants fresh and fresh Feast on Witches ranker Flesh And to enjoy our full Delights We aim to be all Hermophrodites The Shee Eagle's the Bird of Prey Takes all the Care bears all the Sway The Male's a Cuckold a Slug a Fop Just like a Midwifes drunken Top Shee labours and takes all the gains Fees the poor Lubbard for his pains The right meaning is we Witches Will have the Women wear the Breeches Lack you an Old Doegna Devil To be the Mistress of all Evil To help you to a fresh Whore To make you rich to make you poor To cure the Pox or other Strains The Flux or Running of the Reins A Clap or so Parboil or Stew Till you come to another Hue. She Paints she Patches she makes Issues But you must cloth her in Gold and Tissues She picks your Pocket Commands all In Kitchin Parlour Chamber Hall If a By-blow comes she is to hide it The Dam must marry simper Bride it Put the Bastard out to Nurse Or strangle it 't is ne're the worse But preventing Physick's best Poyson the Egg in the Nest A Cup of Love is a Ladies Lure Be she never so demure That will fetch her when nothing can She 'l quickly learn to know a Man Let her try she never meant it But she had a good intent in 't She thought she could and she could indeed Alas poor Soul it was but need But more than all this 't is truly said She could ne're remember she was a Maid She shall take Bribes of every Lover That in and about the House do hover Save them from fidling in a cold Tide Bring them to their Mistress Bed-side Convey a Letter from a Sinner In Napkin as she sits at Dinner Speak a good Word to Lady or Master To make the Match go on the faster Now what is more that you can think on Give us Paper Pen and Inkhorn We 'l write down all you would have done To the Sive and Sheers and clouted Shun We 'l play at small game marry come out Any thing rather than give out We study mischief and you too And let us alone to do We clamber to the roaring Bear And to the dreadful Dragon near The Barking Dog Star makes us mad The warbling Lyra makes us glad Taurus butts us with his Horn Orion passes by in scorn The Swan sings dying Notes that please us The Ramping Lion would disease us We put on Berenices Hair And sit in Cassiopeias Chair By the great Star that there appear'd All the Astronomers were jeer'd The Constellations flame about us But can neither hurt nor rout us To us the Stars do all appear Within the Southern Hemisphere Thus about about we roll From th' Artick to the Antartick Pole All the Gods and Goddesses to see to At best could never do as we do Mercury a Common Carrier Pallas a weak Woman Warrier Apollo is but a Farrier Mars a kind of Reformado Vulcan a meer Bravado Bacchus a reeling drunken Sot Could never get out of a Pot. Neptune Thetis Nymphs and Tritons A Company of Slight ones What could they do but catch Fishes And serve them up in Cockle-Dishes In Sowce and Brine and Pickle swimming Rugged as Bears for want of trimming Broken Wrecks are their best goods Keep Court in state upon the Floods Cupid goes about a shooting After whining Lovers hooting Lazy Venus lies a Bed Cuckolds Vulcans horned Head Hercules Wields a knot of Wood 'T is likely that should do much good A Lions Skin forsooth he wears Some silly Beasts and Cowards scares Kills a few Ox or Sheep and knocks down Some pitiful Squire or Country-Cockscomb Polyphemus has but one Eye Argus an hundred a great Spy Hydra's multiplied Heads Could never sleep quiet in their Beds Juno had but a little Envy in her None of her Trulls was such a Sinner As the meanest Witch good for no more Than to watch a Country-Whore We tempt Ladies to steal to bed To Grooms and Thrashers to be sped Hogen Mogens nurst at Poor-folks Fires May have Varlets and Pages for their Sires From the Stage to the Dairy So to the Kitchin take all that 's Aery Or any ugly dirty Trulls Better than Wives for such base Gulls CANTO IX We mak 't our business to distract Mankind in Societies compact Kings Consuls Tribunes could not pâ—eâ—se 'um Triumvirs nor Decemvirs ease 'um Dictators Caesars must Rule at large Make People Slaves at their own Charge This is the way to have all lost When all strive to be uppermost The better to work a fatal Changâ— Our Emissaries about do range Bards Druids Brackmans Augurs Flamens Aegypt Chaldee and Romes Amens Fit Instruments for us to work Ruine to Christian Jew or Turk A brave employment 't is to Ride Princes and all the World divide The Maid of Orleans and of Kent We set up for no good intent There are other Names and Factions By whom we make most rare Distractions Inâ—oads Incursions and Invasions We lye Perdue on all Occasions For Destruction to all places And carry it out with stately Grâ—ces Commons separate from Nobles Causes of mutual Troubles The Servile War when Slaves rebel Rings out a State or Kingdoms Knell Liberty and Prerogative Out-stretcht make neither Party thrive Suspicions Jealousies and Fears Sets all together by the Ears Hannibal knocks at Romes Gates But turns back in spight of Fates Scipio hasts Fabius delays Both their poor Country betrays Pompey aspires to Rule alone But Caesar will be Caesar or none Not endure the Name of King An Emperour is every Thing Ephori Tribunes Overseers Prove th'Plagues of Kings and Peers Down down with Pen and Inkhorn Men And Hey Boys up go we then Thirty Tyrants at a time In Government make a rare Chime Devils they say may soon be rais'd But when up not so soon laid Richlieus Cromwells Mazarines Lamberts false to King and Queens The Principles of Machiavel And the Leviathan sprung
from Hell Infus'd by us upon their Beds Into their dull Loggerheads But that for us th 'had ne're transacted The Rogueries by them compacted The Scotch and Punick Faith agree Believe nothing but what you see St. Omers and Geneva Breed The Dort and the Tridentine Creed The Dutch are Slugs 't is but Civility To believe Impossibility We 'l warrant all our words must stand They do but execute our Command Do try us put all upon our score We 'l teach you ne're to b'honest more Would you be sure trust to your Gammars The Devils are but Niny-hammers I 'le warrant you we 'l do your business rarely But so as it shall ne're be done fairly Be true and just says the Puling Fool Pack him away to the Jesuits School Go starve ye lazy honest Dogs And keep company with Hogs For ye are not fit for Men come out What does an Honest man among the Rout Kick him off the Bench throw him or'e the Ba What should Honesty do there The Pulpit will scarce hold him it leans awry He 'l tumble down presently Squat him into a Presbyterian Chair 'T will never hold him full nor fair Let him have a Confessor's Ear He shall come no more there Where shall this Honest man become Can the World afford him no room Hâ— may strike in among the Indian Slaves Though poor yet they hate Knaves They refus'd Swearings as they of Greece But they 'd be true and keep the Peace To Alexander they were just Not Swear and Forswear as Greeks must Remember Interest worship that Numen Ye cannot live if ye be True Men Viis Modis turn her and wind her Right or wrong you 'l be sure to find her Court the Rabble invent Plots Raise Scruples tye and unty Knots Garble the State trip up the Crown Set up the Cloak pull th' Miter down Private Cabals Intrigues and Fetches Create miserable Wretches Plate Jewels Bodkins Thimbles Rings Maintain Armies against Kings If all fail Call in the Turk Set us Witches and the Devils to work Fight with Tongues Pens and Hands Play at cross Purposes and Commands Property and Levelling Simpering and Revelling Petitions and Flattering Caresses Abhorrences and false Addresses These are Devices by us taught The High-way to bring all to naught Major-Generals Decimators Surveyors Trustees Cross-Undertakers Especially those famous Tryers Church State King and Self-Denyors Commissaries Patentees Excise-Men Informers Publicans Precise-Men Darby-House or Goldsmiths-Hall Erected by us Rascals all Saints of all Sizes Wet and Dry You may believe me I 'le tell you no Lye Swear together to live and dye And give one another the Go by Send them all for Expedition To the Rota or Inquiâ—ition Roman Geneva Bulls or Bears Fall together by the Ears Covenants Associations Real Lines of Communications All these make a Charming noise To bewitch Fools the Cause the Cause The good Old Cause the Golden Cause And Hey then up go we brave Boys CANTO X. The bloody Hypocrite Cruzado The Mendoza Rhodomontado The Fox Ape Crocodile Hyaena The Nobody-knows what ye mean-a The Musical Snake hisses and rattles The proud Hen lays her Eggs and Cackles The fawning Ape kisses and hugs Her Whelps to death the Bears lick up her Pugs The Drunken Sow with a Wanion I know no better Pot-Companion The Hector Goaring-Bull and Butting-Ram The Lustful Goat fills up his Dam The Peacock swollen with Pride Would very fain her black Legs hide The Swan the like when she should cry Shee chooses rather to sing and dye who 'd think 't the Famous Allegator Sure he is some Sea-Arbitrator The Sword-Fish that nimble Thrasher The Whale-with's Tail shall cut and slash her The Shee-Bear the Wolf-Child-chopper The Cow licks up the poor Grass-hopper The Cormorant scowrs the Ponds the Stork turns down All the Offal in the Town But oh the Spark-Eye the Bewitching-Face The Rosy-Lips kill with a Grace The Clapper-Clag and Silver-Twang Leads away many a Simple-Gang Like Pitchers by the ears a Roguing By Flattering Lying and Cologuing 'T is a Brave Instrument of Evil We use it better than the Devil If there be any good ones 't is so much the worse I have'um all under my Curse Widows Strangers Fatherless I trample down in their Distress Let me alone I 'le fright 'um fear 'um Swinge 'um rack 'um cramp 'um fear 'um Wou'd I were their Nurse I 'de feed'um cram 'um Whip 'um hang'um ram 'um dam 'um Villains all am not I their Grannum Harpies Furies are Lictors To us Magistrates and Victors At his Horns Vulcan takes a Pet Holds Mars and Venus in his Net Scavinger Hercules the Kennel-Raker The He-Ranter and She-Quaker Hang them up all together To feed Crows in wind and weather Methinks I wallow all in Lakes Of Frogs and Toads Vipers and Snakes It is a pleasure t' have such Mates And to over-rule the Fates What can the Devils do more if need Or can they do so much indeed I am sure we dare defy'um And in all Points all times out-vy ' um This is the Trade of old w'have driven And shall as long as we be liven But we must dye and post away To Hell for ever and a day But to make sure before we go We will have all the World to know That they shall be in Hell before Ever we mean to give o're And when there 's no more left to kill W'have done enough we have our fill Now Devils quake We come we come Have at you Sirs make room make room Compound with us or else w'have swore Henceforth ye shall be Devils no more We must Rule all or set you such a Spell As shall turn you all out of Hell I have but one poor Case to put You 'l say I am an arrant Slut The Devils could ne're come to 't Much less offer to set it a foot Suppose those Fiends all in a Nest Should crow'd into one Poor man possest They 'l make him roar you 'l say and yell As if he were tortur'd in Hell And what then he raves lays about him flies To Caves and Desarts howls and dies A poor Business in a kind of sport and play To kill all that lies in 's way But what think ye if less hurt is done in Hell by far Than Witches do in Peace or War For ev'ry one now 's a Fool or Madman Be 't so but still every one 's a Badman This is something No quiet when all are Itch'd All are undone all are Bewitch'd Families Cities Kingdoms reel The World dances upon a Wheel Courts Cities Countries Cloysters Camps Colledges Schools all are upon the Rants All Statesmen Teachers Captains Lords No believing Deeds nor Words I know not what to say more under th' Sun We all undo and are all undone All 's Bedlam all have their Figary-fits Shake hands there 's none of us in his right Wits To speak Truth 't is neither better nor worse And I am glad on 't all 's a Curse I 've spent
other Villains are our Slaves But ah our pleasure 's most in Knaves Alsatia Knaves and Newgate Dogs Universities of Toads and Frogs Other Academicks are no better That study Black-Art by the Letter For all their Hebrew Latin Greek A Thousand things they are to seek Delegates Commissaries Proctors Masters and Salamanca Doctors Faculties Synods Convocations Alas they do but cheat the Nations Their Socrate's and Aristotles Are good for nothing but stop Bottles Grave Beards Caps Tippets Hoods and Gowns To be admir'd by Country-Clowns We turn and wind Seneca or Cato Varro Theophrastus Plato We 'l give Diogenes a Rub And tumble him out of his Tub. Aristippus pleases us best ' Cause he makes Fools of all the rest He often Dines with us and Sups A good Fellow takes off his Cups Fetch me from the Hill Aventinus Stifler Jacob Behem and Varinus Facil Wits will part with their Lands At cross Purposes and Commands Kings Professor Igno-Ramus Came into the Schools by a Mandamus Like a Madman he took his Hits To cut every thing into two Bits From Monsieur Cartez and Gassendus And such like Pluto defend us Ptolomy was a Figure-Flinger Blind Homer a Ballad-Singer Plautus a meer Jingler Terence a pure Pingler Others are sullen dogged Sots The Deipnosophist best loves his Pots Jove and Bacchus are good Fellows Vulcan's troubled with the Yallows Mars and Venus Rogue and Whore 'T is Priapus we most adore Lucian jeers 'um all for Topers Petty-Foggers and Interlopers CANTO III. Statesmen count it a great Intrigue To get us into their League For we break Faith on all occasions By open or close Evasions Algier Tunis observe our Rules The Grand Turk works by our Tools And all that do not so are Fools What think ye were we made for Joyn'd-Stools Great Armies if Kings lack we 'l feed 'um And when they 'd have us we can bleed ' um We dive into the bosom of the Deeps Diamonds Pearls gather on Heaps Clamber Rocks for Amber-Grees And for all Rarities scum the Seas The Physician trusts to his Drugs But we dare take him by the Lugs For all his Antidotes we 'l but Fart And that shall poyson all his Art Our pretty Pugs put in their Noses In all his Pots and spoil his Doses He is the veriest Fool in Nature To grasp with Giants of our Stature Great Fools are flatter'd and fear'd by all But we noâ— fawn nor fear at all They 're glad to crouch and speak us fair We cannot live by the Air. And we can find 'um out O Rare We can slighly hit 'um and put by Their deadly blows and make 'um dye If they fly us we can catch 'um Secretly suddenly dispatch ' um Whence had Lycurgus all his Laws We find in them Ten thousand Flaws Solon was such another Fool To us they should have come to School Numa Pompilius had the Witch Nymph Aegeria by the Britch She taught him Tales the Twelve-Tables Were but Greek and Latin Fables Justinian for his Pandects and Code Burnt better Books many a Cart-load Trebonian his Plagiary he 's Curst For leaving the best and taking the worst Rescripts Decrees Pragmalicants All his Works are Extravagants Decrees Decretals are of the same stamp For want of Power they have the Cramp To what purpose is all this Doing The Wisest come to us a Woing And we have taught them without Law How to keep the World in Awe To do all Business 'twixt Man and Man Without a Bible or Alcoran To make Scholars without Teaching To make Saints without Preaching Here 's a Pudder among States Walls Trenches Castles Bars and Gates Navies Armies Pallisado's Mines Counter-Mines and Barracado's Killing and Robbing Fire and Sword All is not worth a We could save all this Charge And govern the World at large Without this or that Association Without Lines of Communication But oh the fly Stoick and his Mate He condemns all by Fate We 're gone now this is the last Trick He hath just taken us in the Nick. He thinks we are now surrounded And all our Witchcraft quite confouned It must be as it must be a Close Bar We cannot stir to make nor marr Now we 're defunct troubled with the Gripes 'T is high time to put up our Pipes Well if we should be so Confin'd Yet we may be still Combin'd And to all Mischief most inclin'd Still all may say 'T was well meant Though we could not perform our Intent We 'l be as wicked still as ever And never mend O never never You that are of our side stand fast in spight The Fates shall not cut us out quite But what if we 're the Fates our selves For surely they be all such Elves We 're acknowledged by All For Oracles Fatidical Then All 's our own still All to have and do our Will All the Rogues that ever pist Shall never do what they list Then rowze up one more ye Jolly Dames Never lose your glorious Names Still we are uppermost and will be so In spight of Fates where e're we go We 're in our Kingdom still and I am told it By the best Fates we 're like to hold it The World could never be without us Nor never shall ye need not doubt us Get you about your Business Jades And never fear those Sullen Blades Do all the Baseness you are able And fear not the Council Table Bear up briskly Ladies fair Upon me be all your Care You 'l ne're want Favourites my Word is past As long as Malice or Revenge shall last Why we are very pretty Creatures Want not for Colours nor yet for Features But for Conditions to be sure None are morefierce none more demure We 'l dazle ye with glorious Beams And poyson ye with deadly Steams CANTO IV. I know not what Pen's able to describe The strange Whimsies of every Tribe Such Fegaries as mar or make it He must be mad that will undertake it Nay he must have his Turns and Fits And be clean out of his Wits Stark-staring-mad must be those Men That dare handle such a Pen And yet must have their Wits about 'um For fear Discerning Powers should Rout ' um Describe Hell 't is nothing in a Rage None but a Witch can paint this Age. Throw away the Pencil and perchance That Dash may give it a full glance Draw draw the Curtain then for shame Hit or miss win or lose the Game Nothing venture nothing have Nothing challenge nothing crave All are Conumdrums or Conjectrums That are said or done by Spectrums In a good Mood or frantick Ire Inspir'd with Water Wine or Fire What a Fanatick kind of Muse Must the poor Poet take or choose Sure he must be Bewitcht or a Witch That shall hit this lofty Pitch Michael Angelo I dare say Could not so to the life Old Nick pourtray If Muses or the Furies joyn If Apollo's Self combine Bacchus or Pluto sober or drunk Pallas or Venus chaste or punk All these can never hit
hurt out right But they kill you in close Fight Watch you and play Least in sight They ' l undermine their Fathers Mothers Wives Children and Brothers They smother all but we afford You fair Play above Board We commit no open Rapes These play their Passes and Escapes What hurt we do you may know But they 'l steal you a dead Blow In your Bosom they shall lye Embrace you and make you Dye They Insinuate and Creep Fast and loose while you 're a sleep I understand their several twinings I find their secret underminings Their joynt Compliances and Combinations To ruine honest Generations What we are we make a show They 're a kind of Witches you shan't know We are quickly spyed and catcht But they are closely hid and hatcht We 'l harm you but it shall be by fair Play But they 'l destroy you and sneak away They shall pity you and Whine But you shan't know where to Dine We openly hang out the Brooms So you may find us in our Rooms We are the Bravest Rogues o' th' Two Because we tell you all we do But they 're Forsworn and deny'd it And did all they could to hide it You 're welcom to them as welcom can make ye But when you 're gone A Pox take ye Plague confound you what made you here To eat up all our good Cheer And drink up all our Wine and March-Beer If you 'l play the Knaves by Infection They 'l take you into their Protection And you shall be their Drudges for a Crust Keep Life and Soul together do your worst And be beholden to 'um for their Trust But that for them you must be Starvers You shall not be your own Carvers You may have their slighter Vogues But you must be always Poor Rogues They that ruine you are Bravo's You are but the Rascalado's You must cry them up for brave Fellows Help 'um the while to blow the Bellows Except by drudgery you up-stitch-'um And starve your selves to enrich ' um Unless you serve their turns they 'l bang ye Keep their Secrets or else they 'l hang ye Y'have brought your selves t' a fair Condition For counting Witchcraft Superstition Is 't not better to be a Rogue downright Than to play Rogue least in sight A Vizard Villain a Fawning Dog A Skipping Toad a Creeping Frog A Roaring Bear a Ravening Kite Better than the Thing call'd Hypocrite Thus little Bugs are taken fair While the great Vermin Break the Snare You see how 't is there 's strange Reports For there are Witches of all Sorts Not a Word for your life No difference 'tween Man and Wife Don't bark or bite ye Rascal Curs B' as mute as your Masters make no Stirs Be whist though ye be going to Hell If ye be ask'd say All is well You see Bribes coming you must Wink Cry Sweet when you smell a Stink Brave Jewels Gold and Silver Plate Not for your Master but his Mate The Lady is presented she must please Coaches and Horses for her Ease She is very quick-sighted With Venice-Glasses much delighted Persian Carpets are the Truest Antwerp Tapestry the Newest The Italians paint the fairest Faces The Flanders Nuns make the best Laces Barbary Horses run best Races My Lady hath a dainty Tooth Kid and Venison forsooth In truth she loves the choicest Fishes To be serv'd up in China Dishes Be sure you do not starve your Cause And then never fear the Laws Jewels and Plate rich Ermin and Bever For Lord and Lady come off Clever Be silent of all this or you shall be hurl'd Presently into another World They 'l post you farthest from the Light Dead tell no Tales Dead never Bite Swear and Lye lustily and lick our Trenchers Not a word though your Lords be Wenchers We Lacquies hand Whores up Stairs In Sedans 'bout their Lords Affairs A Shilling drops into our hands We must keep our Masters Commands Our Betters must be first serv'd then by a Trick A Salt-Bitch may give us a Lick We have our poor Whores for poor Offenders For Bread and Cheese and Ale-Spenders These are good enough for Sinners That don't know where to get their Dinners They that have but a slender Stock Must be content with a Bit and a Knock. We can tell what 's what A Slave lacks a bit for his Cat. Like to like will always follow Hungry Dogs have a good swallow Like Master like Man Help that help can Caw me and I 'le Caw thee takes with all Dissembling is ' mongst great and small The great Trees are all Just And the mean Shrubs are always worst They are the honestest Men That can Swear to and agen These are the true Cunning men Which good Witches or Wizards ken But we are worse than come out Ever torn and kickt about Great Rogues rise higher Hell be thanked Slaves in the World must be tost in a Blanket We must labour and fare hard Witches are always poor amard The Rich have stoln away our Trade We are mar'd but they are made And which is the worst that can come upon us Th'have stole away all our Credit from us Of them there 's no Suspition They 're Good but we are the Superstition We are Molls-tell-troths they are Smugglers We are Plain-dealing they are Jugglers We do all the wrong we can And ne're pretend to Honest man We are what we profess But such as they are nothing less We don't go behind the Vail They labour backwards Tooth and Nail And downwards too like Moles and Bats And upwards too like Mice and Rats In Gaols and Dungeons we crawl They feast in Parlour and Hall We are the Wolves they are the Foxes We work in sight they 're shut up in Boxes Witches hurt you and ye Whore'um They plague you most and you most Adore'um 'T is pity but you should be Curst That hate the bad and love the worst If you will be bewitcht you must And if you will you shall be Curst If you will be Fool'd and Knav'd Ye shall be abused and beslav'd Hang ye must be sure That do most mischief fair and pure You 're the crossest Fools that e're were maken Of all you are the most mistaken This is the greatest mischief sure To come without Call into their Lure Spaniel-Witchcraft fawn when basted Be hang'd at last when all is wasted This is just Cuckolds Eare Be abus'd and take no Care A Fool in Grain that courts Despair And makes his chiefest Foe his Heir He that cringes most and keeps closest to you Hug him most that would most undo you He that most would eat you up Cherish him most o're Can and Cup. He that most intends to Bane ye Let him Cudgel ye and Cane ye Nay if he would seek to hang ye Feast him most and let him bang ye Smooth him softly on the Cheek Then kiss his Breech and say 't is Sweet This is the right Condition Of them that are of the Worlds disposition Knaves then have
Sky would fall we should catch Larks In Gaming-Schools are good store of Sharks Hunger-gut Poâ—tasters a Crew Like Dogs lick up Blind Homer's Spew Antipodes walk Foot to Foot True The Devil will be sure to have his Due The Infallible Three-Footed-Stool The Witty Tripos is turn'd Fool. Cybels Priests are obscene Rogues and Whores Bacchus his Salii are turn'd out a Doors Alexander's Empire for all his great Bragments How quickly it crumbled into Fragments While his Captains were a Plotting His stinking Corps lay above-ground Rotting And he himself dyed by Potting 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Wild People are seldom 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Daemons as Old Sophies clatter Stick close to and feed upon Matter But do they drink Wine or Water I 'de as lieve hear a Magpy Chatter 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Synesius sings 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Pretty Things 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 I 'le assure you Believe it or I 'le ne're endure you So Tertullians Mistress said Who saw Souls for she was a Maid In all colours and shapes and was not afraid I rather think the Witch betray'd Averroës tells us Wonders That Souls are Unities and Numbers A Colledge of Virtuosi can never display How the Earth or Sun lay at Anchor a Day Was it for fear he should run away How he curses poor Algazel For vain Philosophy to the Pit of Hell The Mind he tells him what he lackt Not the Fancy should be abstract Another Blade all in a Tatter Made Spirits and Bodies all Matter This 't is to shoot 'twixt Wind and Water Averroës chides Avicen In Praedicaments from One to Ten. There is but one Transcendent Ens From which all Numbers do commence I 'le assure you 't is excellent Sense For Multitude find Mood and Tense You may do it without Expence No Body has hit upon it since CANTO IV. Magi were begot of their Mothers Mingled together with Sisters and Brothers Mithridates his Polyphagia and Polypotia Was True as St. George of Cappadocia An Mulier confert ad Generationem An Purpura confert ad Venerationem Mulier semper aut amat aut odit Nihil tertium costodit But the best Cheese Mus corrodit Quere If any Woman kind Were ever Bald before or behind Quere What is most mens Delight Women in Summer have most Appetite Mulieres Glabrae Barbatae Lenones in Procinctû state Formicae minùs quà m Mares Venosae Anûs Puellis magis Exosae Women are most free from Gouts Yet they sit most pricking of Clouts But Men have the most tearing Bouts There never will be an end of Doubts Womens Inferna are Crassiora Womens Superna are Formosiora In Vmbilicis sedet Libido Aeneam deperiit Dido A Senate of Women sate at Rome But the wisest sort stay'd at Home They that could no Secrets forbear Would fainest be in the Confessors Chair O Pythagoras O Palaemon One of you said the World was a Daemon Partridges give me leave The Question is how they conceive 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Spidars Lawn 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Second Notions without Sense Distinctions without sance Difference So Dunce Doctors commence Metaphors Cadences and Twangs Make florid Tropical Harangues Quintilian Ciceronian styles Sentences of half Miles May be leap'd over by Lame Giles Lypsius had small Command In short Paragraphs of Sand. Lana Caprina's not fit for Clothing Curiously wrought is good for Nothing Da veniam aetati for pregnant Wits Poets are good at girds and fits Exceptio confirmat Regulam in non Exceptis Deceptio confirmat Fraudem in non Deceptis The Devil is not so black as he 's painted St. Dunstan is not so white as he is Sainted I fear Sanctified Virgins are tainted With these I was never acquainted Indian Rats pregnant in Dams Bellies All my delight is in Cock-Broths and Gellies I presume you 'l count me a Fool For Writing in Burlesque or Ridicule 'T is because I could get no better Tool Satyrs blow hot and cold Serpents and Eagles are young and old Women at the Ducking-Stool can Scold At the Pope's Bull and Scotch Heifer yoaked The Devils in Hell are all provoked Because by them they are like to be choaked Flectere si nequeo Superos Acheronta movebo I have Commenc'd at Salamanca and Toledo Chad eat more Chees an Chaddit Jack would wipe's Nose if he had it The Sawce for a Cony is good for a Rabbit If a good Cause won't dye I hope a Lawyer can Stab it I don 't like your Murdering Prayers Or to break my Neck down Stairs Scholars must not go to Fairs Take'um Proctor Cap'um pull'um by the Ears Well rhim'd Tutor Brains and Stairs Inter Regem Tyrannum non discernunt Graeci Distinguish Antipodes and Antoeci Alexander's Sword 't was no wonder Cut the Gordian Knot asunder Blochardus attackt the Castle Enchanted The Old Capitol was Haunted There are Spirits take it for granted And Witches too if Wit be not wanted Get me a Pick-lock for the Law I 'le find in Solon or Lycurgus a Flaw I 'le solve a Case better than Navar Till my very Brains do Jar. Old Vlpian Papinian Bartoâ—us Caius Wesembec do but Cajole us Do maintain it with a Brazen Face Dominion is founded on Grace O Rare Polla uxor Polla Get better Pot Herbs Mors in olla Nos numerus sumus magno damnamur Atridi I don't like Fasting upon Friday Terrae onus frages consumere Nati Excellently spoke by Diodati Quid vis impunè facere Regium est Rebellium in Populo Privilegium est Mahomet's Horns half Fire half Snow Tell me a Tale of a Royston Crow How an if this no Body must know I long those Janus Faces to discover That cry one side and laugh on the other At this Axiom Momus Risit Qui Beneficium accepit Libertatem amisit Censor Morum Cato Redivivus We lack such Confessors to shrive us Hugh Peters a Wry-neck'd Râ—gue 'Mong all the Traytors his Head carries the Vogue I reckon the Stelliteâ—ticks Among the Students Academicks Tom Triplet and Tom Coriot in Shackles Were whipt for Vniversity Rake hells Jurisconsultorum Ignoramus Among the Petifoggers is famous All 's well that ends well they say it follows All 's bad that ends bad at the Gallows Divide the Lions Skin before he be dead Give away your Estates and beg your Bread Or take a Beetle and knock you on the Head A Haltar or Faggot chuse you which If ye have a mind to turn Witch Hang a Taylor that can't Stich Upon the Sign of the Dog and Bitch Our Profession is never Rich Give a Thief-Hostler a Switch A lowzy Taylor must dye in a Ditch Be hang'd or damn'd choose you which I hear the sound upon a Low-string Mahomet's Doctrine of the Bow-string The Black Box the Dwarfs and Mutes Justice and Honesty conâ—utes Are you such Fools ye Rich Bashaws To be shot at like Jack-Daws When you have serv'd a Tyrants Will Suffer him your Bloods to spill If
But if you go among the Moors They 'l turn such a Rascal out a Doors In some Case a man may not act in another man's Name Tho with his Consent Is not this a Shame He that shall begin an Action May stop it without a Fraction But why is there no Coaction To prevent endless Distraction To have the Thing and t' have the Right Seem to run parallel at first sight But all 's overcome by Might Sued to an Outlary and never know it Pay the Mony and nothing to shew it The Cheating Rogue you shall never find Have a care always before and behind This can't be revok't for many a Crown As soon turn Westminster Hall upside down For this have a care of the Men of the Gown The Law tells you what Fear is Just But be a Constant man you must But still have a Care whom you trust Because my Goods to a Carrier-deliver'd Are sold by him they can ne're be recover'd If an Officer steals the Kings Artillery He can only stand in the Pillory Or lye in Prison 'till the next Gaol-Delivery Or wear a Paper Livery An Interest as we read From Law not from Fact shall proceed Why not from both if there be need It is no part of my Creed Is there less Right Ask the King In the Action than the Thing Hallow Boys make all the Bells ring At every Turning and Winding A Debt is due at such a Time When the Cause is in its Prime To ask for 't Till that 's past it shall be a Crime To speak out of the Nick of Time Why should Counsel for Common-Strife Be refused for a man's Life Why should a Man Swear for the King That never knew of such a Thing He hath no Sin they say That Sins because he must Obey And because he don't say Nay On whom then shall the Fault lay He that obeys an unjust Command For an Innocent must stand 'T is no Justice worth a Straw To make Necessity a Law When once by Law a thing is Bad Necessity makes it good O mad Non Expressa non nocent Tales Honestatem non docent Tho Honesty be not exprest 'T is the meaning of all the rest And we must take the Sense that 's Best Or else we defile our own Nest Res Iudicata accipitur pro Veritate Makes Pro Judicii Majestate A Wrong Judgment is took for True Not so in Hell give 'um their Due Let Judges look better to their Causes Not to be excus'd by such lamentable Clauses The Condemn'd Innocents will never cease To condemn such Innocent Judges as these Just so the Physician kills by the Book As the Lawyer does by hook and by crook Ignorance and Bribery destroys Mens Lives and Fortunes O brave Boys This makes for us for to these we are Saints We never admit of unjust Complaints Examine how by Lawyers Skill Causes are grounded in a Mill. The best Rule is Non remittitur Peccatum But least observ'd Nisi restituatur Ablatum It runs in Rhime and is great Reason And the performance ne're out of Season But you shall find men of the best Constitution Never guilty of so good a Conclusion Alas it would be counted Intrusion To bring into the World such monstrous Confusion Shall a Cause be cast for lack of a Letter Or a false Name by a Rascally Setter Or the misdating a Minute of Time Be counted an Incorrigible Crime ' Cause solemn Forms must not be chang'd Therefore a True man must be hang'd By a Mistake Truth is Confuted So is many an honest Man basely Cornuted Why do Jurisconsults tell such Stories Durior est Causa Petitoris The wronged Supplicant hath favour Lesser Than the cursed Oppressor And all because he is Possessor As if thereby his Crime were Lesser If these things be done by these Law Rooks The Devil sends Meat and the Devil sends Cooks In Causes of Gain 't is much observ'd The Rule is First come first serv'd Should it be so in Justice too Then run Boys for Game Alas Aloo Righteous Dealing shall never find room When Justice and Charity begins at home A man of Estate and flourishing Condition Shall never be taken upon Suspicion But a poor Honest man is ever neglected And without cause is ever suspected If a good Cause be not put in a right state Shall a Judge therefore put it out of Date For a small failure that may be Recruited Shall an Honest man forthwith be Nonsuited In Formâ Pauperis to Sue Is the same as to come short of your Due If a Process by a Knave be unduly took An Honest man for his Cause may go look Estates we may say without Suspicion Are Absolute or on Condition That is to say Allode or Fee A◠Goths and Vandals did agree Littleton labours Tooth and Nail To make them Fee Simple or Fee Tail Fee Simple is a Contradiction And for the Tail it lacks Friction Simple and Absolute are all one As is a Fee and a Condition Whip'um soundly my Maid Alecto For a Contradiction in eodem Adjecto When there is most need of Reges Inter Armasilent Leges It is the Burden of a Song A Post Fact shall increase no Wrong In all my Spells past and gone I ne're met with the Spirit Formedon The Romans never heard of Battels As now there are 'twixt Lands Goods and Chattels An Heir and an Executor divided For this our Law is much derided What is that horrid Affidavit Of Felonice Murderavit If the Law be the bare Letter How shall Equity fare better I like well the word Habendum I can't endure his Fellow Reddendum To abate a lawful Writ To make causeless Demurrer is not fit To be judg'd by old Reports Are the Benches Dernier Resorts Tho there 's variety in Cases As much or more as there is in Faces To kill a Thief se Defendendo Deserves not a Reprimendo But what if Ego me Suspendo Then of a Fool there is an Endo John an Okes and John a Stile Dwell but within half a Mile Baron and Feme Felons together Shall not both hang in wind and weather The Man is streightned with a Rope But the good Wife shall have her Scope Shee s reckoned nothing at all Accessory nor Principal Because she must be always at hand To obey her Husband's Command He bids her steal let him bid her be Hang'd Tho a Feme doth steal or kill She is suppos'd to have no Will. We can't come off so when we do harm Tho we be under Covert Barn What is the Action upon the Case He seems to have a broad brazen Face He looks to be always the same Yet he ever lackt a Name Reason Reason of Law Reason of State How it swells to a wondrous Rate To be condemned for Fraud or Theft To lose his Right hand of which he was bereft What think you Shall he lose his Left Murder and Manslaughter Which is which Mother or Daughter We shall
Smock Sinner or so Commute soundly and you shall be let go Fee Ogg the great Comissary before and behind Then Sin on you know my mind To Females all Males must be kind But Poor Whores no favour find Norfolk Swains that drive the Cows Whistle Littleton at their Plows Essoins Withernams Vouches Recapia's are stuffed in Leathern-Slowches The Salick Law is a rare Tool Excludes Females from all Rule Let no-Woman Fee Inherit Because in Wars they cannot Merit As freely Father goes to the Bow As the Son handles the Plow From the Females or Heirs Male A Fine past cuts off the Entail For a Recovery you may Rail No stopping a Ship under Sail. Pantomimi Histriones Wizards Egregii Nebulones Vox Populi vox Dei 't is confest Is as True as all the rest A Populo ad Regem Modus Conventio vincunt Legem It drives Shopkeepers into Nets When Priviledg'd men must pay no Debts Anaxarchus had the heart of a Porter That could endure to be bray'd in a Mortar Customs of contrary Feature Should they be call'd a Second Nature To say this Point is Law is in dark to grope Unless it agree with the whole Scope From Truth how can Falshood come Or Lyes harbour in Truths Room If all are inevitable Fate All Good or Bad 's quite out of Date Whether it be fair or just Men more than Brutes continual Lust How does Reason rule the Rost When Lasciviousness rides Post They couple only for a Brood Men for every wanton Mood They take their times for Generation Men at all times without Moderation What Witches were at the taking of Troy Fair Helena stole by the Roaring Boy Paris was that unlucky Toy Both fit to be call'd the Witches Joy Two contrary Parties Hallow Boys Hallow Jupiter in Troiam pro Trojâ stabat Apollo 'T is good well sung in Catches or Canto's 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Which with a Pipe of Smoke to blow to Is Dimidium plus Toto 'T is time to bid your Companions be gone The Farthest about 's the nearest way home The Whole is greater than the Part That 's safe But the Contrary Thou lyest Ralph Every Effect hath a Cause There should be Reason in all Laws Clerks if you rightly apprehend 'um Hold Dignities in pure Commendam ' Cause men of Parts cannot be found While they are living above ground No harm for Wrong done shall come near ye Idem est non esse non apparere A Minor acts not without a Tutor An old Incumbent hath a Coadjutor And a Mistress hath a Suitor Status Naturae status Belli Is worse than Cock-broth in Gelly Jus unicuique ad omnia O rare Look out sharp the World 's a great Fare Nothing 's good but wha't 's Commanded Why should any man be hang'd or branded Nothing 's bad but what 's Forbidden Let Thieves and Rogues do as they 're bidden It should seem by all these Flaws Definitions are dangerous in Laws Go and be bound and pay the Debt You 're just taken in a Net I am all in a Sweat Come hang Laws they that have Brains To know or do them will take no pains For to be sure they 'l get no gains And they have many unlucky Strains For they keep us all in Chains 'T is better to be free and then We may be said to live like Men. Reason of State Reason of Law Right or Wrong keeps all in Aw Trust no Man if you would live brave Keep a good Word for a Knave Oblige all the World please every Man By hook or by crook Catch that catch can Study Men more than Books That will make you gentile Rooks. Get a Picklock for the Law To open every Crevise and Flaw Get Pincers and a lusty Screw To wrest from every Man his due Where Rocks are get Axes and Hammers Spades Pickaxes and Rammers Let all your Implements be ready And be sure to hold your hand steady Look big stand all in your Robes Like a Conqueror of both Globes From you every Line or Word Cuts more than a Two-handed-Sword Truth must not be spoke you say at all times The way to huddle up the basest Crimes To be an Informer is thought a Disgrace Then how shall Capital Laws take place Never of any Tale-bearer tell Tho you love me never so well But if I get a Friend in a Corner He will tell me the false Informer He that is an Inventor of Lyes By him many an Innocent dyes Deserves to be made a Sacrifice For shall not the good Law punish him sore And not suffer him to live to kill any more Is it not good for the Common-weal To reward him that shall Felons reveal Is he my Friend that will see me misus'd Or behind my back not tell me by whom I 'am abus'd Consider this Case better and try And do as you would be done by 'T is come to a fine pass you 'l say when Witches with Maces Authoritatively must Resolve Conscience-Cases For this call us no more Brazen Faces Nor load us with foul Disgraces We understand some Common Places Marcus his Scholars loosely taught That tho by all kind of Vice debaucht Yet no more tainted by these ugly Steams Than are by Dunghils the Suns Beams Sesostris was first Institutor of Fees To Souldiers he gave the best Aegyptian Lees. He fed them and taught them all in Warring And by this Tye restrain'd them from Jarring They must keep strict to Military Art From which Mechanicks might never depart And to preserve Families from falling The Son must be of his Father's Calling And so a Captain as well as a Cook His Father's Profession ne're forsook If he dye for his Inheritance he might go look 'T were good if Scholars were so kept to their Book But our Laws would never this Custom Brook To Souldiers and Priests so much good Land Preserv'd them close to the Kings Command Better than the old Praetorian Band. He also freed them from Taxes and Gabels Whose Names were listed in Warlike Tables So much Bread and Flesh he daily did award To all the Yeomen of his Guard They served their Master the rather Because he was their Foster Father Nomus Thebaeus assign'd to Regiments Panopolitus or Chemnitus all in their Tents Turk to this day prosecutes the same Intents For Love and Gratitude strong Arguments So Janizaries and Timariots Are hindred from Rebellious Plots The Roman Agrarian Law Kept Souldier and People all in Aw The Linotrophi not for Name With the Feudatories were much the same 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 divided into Nomi Pannels Betwixt Nilus and Ostia Channels A wise Lady was once in hope To get License from the Pope For Women as well as Men to hear Confessions Resolve Cases and pardon Transgressions His Holiness his Answer did delay And bid her wait till such a day And gave her a Box to bring with her own hand But not to open it by strict Command The good Lady and her
Sisters all glad But to open the Box were stark mad Much ado they venture to open 't at last And out flew a rare Fly all so fast The Lady returns to deliver her Charge But no Fly for which she was chid at large How could she be trusted with Souls Secrecy That could not be faithful in keeping a Fly And so this vain Motion did dye Manzers and Slaves had no Prohibition From any Incestuous Coition Because they were of a vile Condition They were never taken upon Suspicion No Matrimony ' mongst them no Possession Not free of any Profession Tho ne're so nobly born or bred To all Rights they must be dead Did this Curse come from Cham Or from the Devil and his Dam Or is it not a mere Sham Most contrary to Nature's stand To be made Brutes to be unman'd 'T is well Man and Wife are sure to hold That were by Rome's Law bought and Sold. 'T is a Rul'd Case in Bardish Rhimes Truth must not be spoke at all times The like for Punishment of all Crimes Such Laws would run well with Chimes 'T will rise high when 't is upon the Fretts There shall be no time for paying of Debts Patriarchs were no Judges but Doctors In those days when no Courts with Attorneys or Proctors Punishments were by War not Law The Sword no Word kept all in Aw 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Aes Alienum quando Remittitur Acceptilatio in Lege dicitur 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 shakes off the Onus Vsuram non facit vir bonus ‘ We Withces no body will own us ‘ If we fall no body will bemean us Stepsiades brought a Thessalian Hag To shut up the Moon in a Box or a Bag. To excuse Debtors from paying their Fine Because no Proof that the Moon does shine This was never no Practise of Mine Usurers reckoned every Night and Noon To the coming of the New Moon A Burning-Glass to scorch a Letter In Court to disprove a Deed the better Culpam in Jovem rejicias Say 't was the Gods not you that were Vicious Try if for that they will be Propitious 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 where 's all your Law If in an Indictment they find such Flaw 'T was 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 And her own Self Madam 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Choak'um with this Bolus at last Try if they can recover in haste If thou beest a Thief or Unchaste The Gods did as much Let them be Cast Nay they decreed me to do so and more I cannot be guilty therefore It must be put upon the Score For I was forc't behind and before Let no Serjeant come near my door Gods hid themselves in Caves and Groves To prosecute Murders and vilest Loves Why then if Mortals commit such Rapes May they not plead as just Escapes Curse us Witches be sure Bite our Noses Et Conspergitis nos Rosis Son prov'd it just to beat his Father if wild Because he beat him when he was a Child Socrates taught him to come off With Bis Pueri Senes a Scoff He made 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 a Clause For an Inferiour and Superiour Cause Lawyer like 't was very sad A bad Cause good or a good Cause bad Apollo his Malice could not smother Urging Orestes to kill his Mother For which the poor Soul complains He was clearly left in the Lurch for his pains But the Conscious Numen made him amends Made him and Menelaus Friends Repair'd his Throne for his own Ends. Never learn Justice from Jove above Nor Chastity from the God of Love Socrates but one Supreme Power own'd For which like a Fool he had like t' have been Ston'd But by favour that he might swallow no more They wo'd him to drink Hellebore This frighted Aristotle and Plato Seneca Cicero and Cato The Country Gods must not be deny'd When once the Senate had them Cry'd The Poets were all Rogues in the Letter They spake Wâ—rs but understood better Apollo was a good Bone-Setter ‘ Now I have my Cu and I must come in ‘ For me and mine to prove there can be no Sin ‘ Tho in Wickedness you be up to the Chin ‘ Never complain go through thick and thin ‘ Over Shoes and over Boots ‘ Pluck up Liberty by the Roots ‘ In Witches such as we be ‘ Cause we are forc't by a Decree ‘ I am of Opinion as such ‘ We can ne're play Rogues or Whores too much ‘ I am afraid of a Rod ‘ If I take in Vain the Name of God ‘ The Chain of Fates is so wonderful strong ‘ Against our Wills drives us all along ‘ We try sometimes but all 's but a dream ‘ There 's no striving against the Stream ‘ There 's a violent Motion above our own ‘ Whereby our free Actions are all overthrown ‘ T is in vain to use a Lanthorn and Candle ‘ When we take up Things with a wrong Handle ‘ We talk of Free-will at a monstrous high Rate ‘ But all 's over-rul'd by Fortune or Fate ‘ Nothing can Post or Antidate ‘ Things must be it seems as they must be ‘ Do your best or your worst all 's Destiny ‘ Puppets above dance nimbly and skip ‘ But the Hand below takes 'um upon the Hip ‘ If the Ass be lazy come up with a Whip ‘ It must come to pass all you do or say ‘ But the clean contrary way ‘ All this is Deceptio Visûs ‘ The Wires below makes all the Devices ‘ Alas Alas we 're all in a Dream ‘ When we think 't is Whey 't is Curds and Cream ‘ We are mistaken in every Theme ‘ There is a Mote in the clearest Sun Beam ‘ The Wind drives the Ship and the Water the Mill ‘ Paint what you can't will be a Rose still ‘ If Blood be spilt tho you do not kill ‘ 'T will be Manslaughter do what you will ‘ For none of us have Wit at will ‘ Pour in the Wines the Pot must fill ‘ Wrong must be done and the Wronger shall gain ‘ Ne're put the Conscience to too much pain ‘ The man is dead but he was not slain ‘ Every way turn to and again ‘ An Honest man must endure the smart and the loss ‘ No body wrong'd him 't was his Cross ‘ Never cry nor roar Poor Baby ‘ Sorte tuâ Contentus Abi. ‘ There 's a Lottery wipe your Eyes ‘ Ten thousand Blanks for one Prize ‘ Venter you may live or dye ‘ 'T is but the turning of a Dye ‘ Whatever haps if you be wise ‘ Forbear Murmurs Tears or Cries ‘ For all you do or suffer there are Spyes ‘ Few tell Truths and most speak Lyes ‘ I can't endure to think of Sacrifice ‘ 'T is an idle needless thing ‘ To tye an Ox to an Altars Ring ‘ The harmless Beast must rost and fry ‘ Because I deserve to dye ‘ And for telling of a Lye ‘ I 'le be judg'd by the Standers
You leapt over a Frog To take him that stole but a Hog And now you 're fallen into a Bog You deserve a Chain and Clog Where there 's gain or honour coming Thither in haste ye must be running We know this is all your cunning Haunt their Ghosts coming and going Be importunately Woing Tho it be to manys Undoing There 's no State Warlike or Civil But many sometimes lack help of the Devil Riâ—le the Living Ransack the Dead A good Conscience is fled Rather than not to have your ends sped Leap over another Mans head Then if you can quietly sleep in your Bed This it is to be well Bred. Your Bed is strown with Lillies and Roses Your Table furnished with Quelque Choses Rail lustily at a Thief that 's poor Because like a Rogue he got behind the door Or at him that got a Whore Or a Drunkard that had not paid his Score Tho he ne're did so since or before You may ravish an Estate From Orphans and Widows it is a good Bait They were born to be poor by Fate He that is under a Threepeny Planet born To be a Cuckold must wear a Horn If by a Lord let him not take it in scorn Such a Slave must have no Entry To climb up into the Gentry T is enough for a poor Rogue to live To the Rich you can't too much give He may help you at a dead Lift Season him well with a woundy good Gift And he may leave you for your self to shift And yet say 't was well bestown To greaze a fat Sow overgrown Tho your Cause be overthrown For a poor Rogue to aspire Does he think to be a Squire Lay him over the Fire Give him a Toss let him ne're grow higher The way of the World I don't admire To hinder an honest Desire Poor Rogues must not look for their due 'T is in vain for them to Sue Send 'um packing among the Crew Starve him beat him black and blew If he but offer to stand in your way Take all he has make him a Prey Send him packing to the Gang The Poor are fit for nothing but to hang. Stand not upon Terms of Charity Such a Cockscomb is a Rarity Levellers aim at a Parity Charity and Justice begin at home For an honest Man there can be no room Let him not speak a word for 't is his Doom Have a care of your self or ye deserve to be sham'd The Rich care not if you be all hang'd and damn'd What tell a Rich man of his Fault He 'l not leave you worth a Groat You 're a Rogue all to Nought 'T is a sign you 're better fed than taught Not a word for your life the Truth must not be spoke The Weight's fell down because the Jack Line broke Now this is your Obliging man That will do for you all he can He means for his own gain 'T is a folly to complain If you will he 'l put you out of pain At last come upon you fresh again But if a poor Rogue he find you Then be sure he never minds you Turns you going with your hands behind you You that wou'd act the Dissemblers part Must make use of the Black Art But let not your Conscience start You may put on a Disguise And make a shew of Sacrifice To hide all your Rogueries And wink with both Eyes To shed Tears is Woman-wise He 's not a Man now-a-days That can't put on a brazen-Face Be bold my Boy be bold ther'e 's all good feeding Shrink not when it comes to bleeding To get your Ends make all the way Put by all Rubs without stop or stay All the poor Rogues are run away The honest Fool is Tender-hearted For which he deserves to be Carted I have seen a Fool play fast and loose That was not able to say Boh to a Goose A Petty-Fogger's a great Possessor Or a Dupondio Professor More than a famous Antecessor A dull Mountebank or Quack Wealthy Patients never lack To deal in mens precious Lives for Gains He 's a sawcy Jack for his pains You say I 'm a bare Brazen-face-Witch Because with my Work I go through stich I know and believe all Truth in my Mind But I never lov'd to practise it in kind I have seen a Clouted-Shun Through thick and thin run 'Till he hath many a Man undone He shall haunt ye Westminster-Hall With his Black-Box before'um all Such a freez Thred-bare Coat Shall leave you not worth a Groat He sneaks like a simple Jack Try him he 's Mettle to the Back He shall in Term time leave the Plow To sue for a Horse or a Cow Turn up her Tail and her Arse kiss you Shun him for he 's a more dangerous Knave Than they that look big and go brave He shall turn ye East West North and South You 'd think Butter wou'd not melt in his Mouth His property is never to give out For grubbing and rubbing he has a Hog's Snout This Freez-Coat this Clouted-Shun As very a Knave as is under the Sun The Calling's Honest but the Slaves Plow up honest mens Graves At this my Satyr Frets and Raves They follow him with Clubs and Staves But 't is the sharp and false Pen That undoes all sorts of Men. ‘ Therefore I have thus laid about ‘ Labouring to reform the Rout ‘ 'Till by o're heating I 've got the Gout Take a handsom Shee-Solliciter She shall oblige Multipliciter She 's an admirable Visiter You may send her to my Lord Inquisitor She bewitches with her Looks Men that use to write in Books And with a Silver-Tongue besides Every amarous Fop Rides She constantly keeps her Tides From Westminster-Hall to St. Brides Bring her to a Lawyers Bar She opens the Case for Peace or War If by her Tears she melt your Heart Take her and comfort her apart She has all her Lesson perfectly by Heart As very a Whore as e're rode in a Cart. Nothing like her is so smart I 'le warrant your Cause shall never start If she but offers to plead her Part. Take a graceful comly Wench She shall dazle all the Bench 'T is better than our giving a Drench A fair-Face under a Love-black-Hood Your Cause for her sake must be good Her amiable looks shall win ye Better than many a golden Guiny Use her well 't is pretty Jenny A Lawyers Heart shall quickly melt After he has her Pulse felt But he must be no Eunuch Gelt What a sly subtil Witch am I Such new fashion Witchcrafts to spy Which no honest Body can deny If they will but venture to try When the World comes once to hear it They 'l ne're be able to bear it Go on brisk and never fear it Win it brave Lads and wear it To be sure the Cause will bear it I may lye a Bed till Noon You 'd as good throw your Caps at the Moon The Dog-Star at the Moon does Bark You have got Venus in the Dark
The roguing Cur smells something Hark He finds you are a very Shark A Blood-Hound will ne're leave hunting A fat Hog will ne're leave grunting You may be sure all is not right When Rogues run abroad to steal in the Night When drunken Sots make troublesom Stirs This causes the Barking of the Curs Even amongst them that wear Furs All 's not well when we ring so many a Knell Where can we in safety dwell The World is the worser Hell You understand this very well I nothing but the Truth tell The Blood-Hounds have a very strong smell And I like my Humor well I do 't to find out Rogues and Whores That turn all Honesty out a doors Not sparing Rich or Poors I 've lost my Wits with turning and winding Knaves and Fools in all places finding Never Honest Folk minding Nothing I say or do is binding I shall have a time to leave off grinding These are your Obliging-Men That turn about 'fore and aft too and agen There 's nothing but Knavish shufflling Snearing Toping Ranting and Scuffling I heard one complain Sir Where shall I find A Man that has an honest Mind I clapt him o' th' Back and said Be of good Cheer If you will you may find an honest Man here In your own Clothes 't is your own fault If you don 't you need not be naught I am sure you 're better Taught Let Honesty be ne're so much out of fashion 'T is better than Interest or Obligation You never heard me talk at this rate The Devil rebukes Sin it seems but of late 'T is sure by some Destiny or Fate The Pot the Kettle black Arse calls The Hypocrite stands rises or falls ‘ As bad as I am I am for Truth pure and neat ‘ Or any thing that will do the Feat ‘ Cross Rascals make me all in a Sweat ‘ Give me something to drink and eat ‘ I hate to see Religion sold by the Great ‘ My Spirits I think are ready to fail ‘ To see so many Lyes sold by Retail ‘ I labour against it Tooth and Nail ‘ By this Rule Knaves will never fail ‘ And then I resolve for some other Land to set Sail ‘ But whereever I am ne're to turn Tail ‘ I 'm forc't to be tedious more and more ‘ Because I see of Falshood greater store ‘ How I can hold out if you ask ‘ I say none but a Witch can perform this Task ‘ I wont be known lend me my Mask ‘ And still a Witch is more than their Match ‘ Let 'um lock to themselves Harm watch Harm catch ‘ I 'm sure I 'm quite condemn'd by the Letter ‘ Because I do worse and know better ‘ And besides I do mischief my self ‘ More than an ordinary Elf. ‘ I never lov'd to halt before a Cripple ‘ To kill not cheat the Common People ‘ Nor am I of the Priest's Trade ‘ To ride the Hackny Vulgar to a Jade You may find of Knaves good store If you go down to Gravesend or the Buoy in the Nore And if you 'l further launch out to the Main You l see Pirates and Pickeroons ransack for Gain From Dunkirk Algier Tripoly and Sallies To furnish Slaves to run in the Gallies I find there 's another great Flaw Necessity has no Law Necessity I say not forc't but made Is now become a most damnable Trade It hides all Villany from Whelps That never could invent better Helps A Complement's one thing Necessity 's another With both these Cloaks they 'l cozen their Brother And plead 't is lawful to undo each other They could not help 't they must comply I beg your Pardon I tell you no Lye I was forc't to yield to Necessity So they Baffle among the Throng Cheating and Lying for a Song In case of Compliance Correspondence I love In case of Necessity my Valour I prove Mystical Rites Priests keep close to themselves And send the Laity to be taught by Elves Oracles and Sybills Books are conceal'd Because all Truth forsooth must not be reveal'd Prophecies and Miracles are most of 'um Cheats Pretended by them that would seem to do Feats Constantinople Turks call the Red Apple And for it Christians shall one day grapple Let Naples as well be call'd the Horse Dapple The Homage of Spain led to the Pope's Chappel My Flying-Horse Pegasus lacks a Snaffle Omnia Gladii Pedissequa It makes all Cowards run away CANTO III. An old Ape has an old Eye Cheat all you can come nigh Do it under the Canopy Say nothing to the Standers by They 'l make a fearful Outcry Slip aside the Rout among 'T is clear gains if you can hold your Tongue Let 'um call you Rogue and Knave So you but the Profit have Laugh at them that call you Fools For suffering you to work with their Tools And for it hiss 'um out of the Schools Quod defertur non aufertur is a very good Clench Claim Possession a thousand year hence And from that time a Fool Commence Abanadaba curat Febrim Starve no Cause Pone Legem Every day Pro Hic Nunc Now and anon too You may have a Punk If you want Cash your Cause is sunk In formâ Pauperis your Suit commence I 'le warrant you the Day a Thousand year hence O sweet Civility thou' rt a meer Saint A pure Beauty does never Paint Alas alas we must be Civil Tho we go all to the Devil We cou'd not help it I nor No Our Masters wou'd have it so ‘ With the World I 'm well acquainted ‘ With all Vice in my time I 've been tainted ‘ I have been as good as ever twang'd ‘ I have seen many an honester Body hang'd Steal Rogue and Whore in the way of Civility Flatter and Lye in the way of Gentility Kill all Nations in point of Honour Be as bloody as Bishop Bonner In a mad Mood kill all you meet Or take the Wall in the Street I 'le tell you a Trick if you have been to blame And find it hard to cover the shame Feast and Caress in the Devils Name Be sure put on a Brazen Face And speak Big to the Man with a Mace Court all you can the Populace This will cover your Disgrace He 's a brave Man to the Poor and Rich But he 's hated worse than a Witch They 'l taste of his Cup and lick in his Dish And jeer him as much as his heart cou'd wish But this is a way to hide for a Time The Malignity of any Crime 'Till you come to your Prime Do some kindness to some poor Boys This will stop some part of the Noise They that you have took by the Teeth well Won't stick to proclaim you a Fool and a Rake-hell They that to do honesty dare be able Will scorn to sit down at your counterfeit Table Or set their Horses in your Stable A wise Man will certainly try him And an honest Man will never come nigh him And
the Poor when Corn's dear And cheat them of their Means by the year Mumble your Mattins Jumble your Beads When you have chopt off innocent Heads Religon is a very good Paint All 's well if you can but go for a Saint You are safe among Friars and Nuns A Cloyster secures from all Duns A Court a Camp will do the Feat An ill Conscience is spruce and neat When y' have done this you ' r a Cock of the Game The poor Rogues will all be tame If they black you they are to blame You are still a man of Fame If you grumble in the Gizard Ne're trouble a Witch or a Wizard But keep on a sanctified Vizard Reason shan't be understood In Passion be it ne're so good Plead Mercy and Equity They 'l mock 'T is all one as to speak to a Rock Ne're trust the man in a Frock Ne're take a woman in her Smock By your leave and good favour I say something has some savour I won't be meal-mouth'd the Truth to smother Let a Bride Bring her Meat drink and Cloth along with her If you be a Cuckold She 's just such another Invite Debtors to Christmas Cheer And then all 's discharg'd all 's clear Their mouths are stopt their Clamours cease Depopulation is call'd a very good Peace When all your Vassals are at ease And the Lords may do what they please The Indians Countrey is invaded To live Slaves they are perswaded So the Greeks by the Turks are Jaded Poor conquer'd Slaves must not thrive 'T is well if they be sav'd alive The whole World runs upon Wheels Every one oppression feels But every one that feels wrong or pain Must not be so sawcy as to complain If he do he 's held down by Might and Main And gag'd by the Inquisition of Spain Sent to the Gallies or the Mines If he cannot pay his Fines I don 't like this dealing underhand When men above board may fairly command Get to bed to a Citizens Wife The Husband leads a Cuckold's life She shall enrich the Cuckold-maker Be he Ranter or Quaker The Merchant deals in Forreign Wares But understands not his Home-Affairs 'T is no part of his cares He trusts abroad and he trusts at Home Rich Goods and Bastards take up Room Alas saies the Bawd it was his doom Poor man let him hang out the Broom If it were not so you must understand He should have none to inherit his Land The Wife at home and the Husband abroad Both drive a subtile trade So you may ride your Horse to a Jade Alas his head never akes For all the care his Wife takes A horned Pate sound sleep ne're breaks 'T is ever a contented life To be a Cuckold without strife Fellows of Houses take the least care When they lack they may borrow a Townsmans Mare The best in the Stable to a Friend they can spare And are beholden to them for their care Their Pupils custom shall make them amends So Scholars and Townsmen are very good Friends And both serve for their own Ends. He that drinks hard and Whores 't is an even lay If he don't shortly break and run away A Mis a Lacquay a Countrey House and a Coach Are the fore-runners of a Broach He is gone to run his Range Proclaim'd Bankrupt upon the Change It may be this man was a Teacher Or a Bankrupt overeacher The Brotherhood while he 's in Spain Joyn to make him whole again This course every Sanctified Brother Takes by compounding for one another The Sisters will do many a Job 'T is no Sin the Wicked to rob The Egyptians most odly Are bound to enrich the Godly All is theirs to inherit Because they have the true Merit And do all by the Spirit If the Wicked be saved from Slaughter Dub them Slaves to the Godly ever after Weak Rogues are fit to live no longer Then they can be drudges to the stronger But specially the Godly Breed Must be enriched by Prophane Seed If an honest good Fellow break his Crupper He may as soon behang'd as get his Supper If a Lady of pleasure fall in two pieces Her Gallants present her with Golden pieces There 's Nurses and Midwifes provided ready For She kept her reckoning steddy Poor Whores when old rott and die You need not ask the reason why Rich Whores when old Stallions Maintain The Moon lacks help when she 's in the Wain Letchery in Fratribus Sororibus Lippis notum est Tonsoribus Mariners are Nervosum genus For the Seas sake Friends to Venus With Vulcan therefore She Like Fire and Water can't agree The Fucus of vain Eloquence To solid Laws gives great Offence A Golden Tongue shivers a Cause Baffles all Equity and Laws When Lives and Fortunes lie at stake It makes the Peoples hearts ake What Brain 's left in the Judges skull Whom the Advocate shall gull Daunts Witnesses like Boys By the Horror of a thundring Noise By the fair Tongues Froth and Foam A Golden Plaister to a Wall of Loam By Fraud was taken Bergen ap Soam Bars of Gules Azure Or and Argent Stab a fair Text by a foul Gloss in Margent So the Conqueror comes off rident As did the Pope in the Council of Trident. Mahomet is for an Armed Law As fittest to keep the World in Aw Justinian aim'd at Right and Ease The better to keep the World in Peace But the Sword gets the Golden Fleece Justice counts her self ne're the worse Defended by the Sword and Purse Of these Religion should be the Nurse When Oratory shall be banish'd Controversies will soon be vanish'd This Harlot has advanced Gowns And overwhelmed Righteous Crowns 'T is the Tongue and the Pen Than the Sword has kill'd more men The Court of rare Venetian Sages For pure Justice most engages They scorn to stoop to Flattery or Fears To be took by the Teeth or Ears This Case Vegelius to them applied For Reformation and was not denied Venice is no Witch I dare swear for 't is said A thousand Years she has continued a Maid She 's plaguy cunning in all her work To save from being ravish'd by the Turk If I had had a thousand Maidenheads long before I should have lost them and found them o're and o're As they do that so oft get behind the door 'T is a cursed thing to be an old Maid Patience upon force and yet never decaid The men are hard hearted I am afraid 'T is not for want of Will in the least To have a good Stomach and want a Feast I would not wish more ill luck to a Beast This Veniat is the Phoenix Nest She may Well bear a Phoenix in her Crest The Arabian Phoenix is but a Jest I have heard it often said Very few good Workmen of a Trade The Vintners art as now we see Quere if Poysning it may not be A man that hath of Honour tasted His Name is on a sudden blasted The Tallest Cedars have the
great dissembler smiles When his Confident he beguiles For this he travel so many Miles And leaps over so many Styles Right or Wrong so it be but Gain He counts all worth his Pain Then of Witches think no more Worship this great whore We 'l all stand behind the Door Rake together Golden Dirt Of us you 'r more afraid than hurt See how they laugh in their Sleeves Are afraid of none but Theeves This is that my Heart grieves This is the only Plot For this all others are forgot For this all We must go to th' Pot Except the beastly drunken Sot But such as are well in their wits Will have a care of such mad Fits These are the Mysterious Intreagues These are the close Bargains and Leagues These are the Politick Colleagues For this they drop all their Beads All Preach and Plead for this Cause The true Construction of all Laws They that deny this are Jack-Daws Mark well how deadly Foes combine And fall out about Mine and Thine Caw me and I 'le Caw thee Goes over all the World we see Tho they ne're so much disagree For this Rogues hang one another For this each others Faults smother Feast together drink and whore Turn each other out a door No Witches or Devils do any such things We all Reign together like Lords and Kings This not Gain but Pleasure brings Far better than such greedy things Certainly they can ne're be good Whose Souls are made of Dirt and Mud As ours are of Spirits and Blood I can't but laugh at the Poor Scholar That for his Books loses many a Dollar Alas poor hungry Sinner He knows not where to get his Dinner And when he is old He 's fain to study in the Cold. He was ne're made of my Mold If I han't my Will I rail and scold He keeps neither Whore nor Mis But his old Bed-maker Cis. The Gentile Scholar I admire He 's fit to be a Lord or ' Squire He 's Honest therefore he shall rise no higher 'T is pity for he has a gallant Soul Yet give him leave to trowl the Bowl But he scorns Baseness never grutches If he can keep out of our Clutches If all were of my mind I 'de spare him But they are not able to bear him For he has more Honesty and Wit Than the brave Gallants could ever hit I know none can have a more generous Mind Than the true Scholar in his kind But how few of these shall you find I don't value the Mongrel Brood Of smattering Scepticks they want good Blood They ne're took enough of the Caballine Fountain Nor climb'd to the Top of Parnassus Mountain The States are given to understand That Witches deal under-hand And get into great Command But they regard not those that slit Cases And force their Clients with brazen Faces In Equity to run Ten years Races When they are once got into their Traces To their Everlasting Disgraces When they are once got warm in their Geer To the North Foreland they will carry you cleer And leave you under the Great Bear In Frost and Snow to take the Air And yet you must say they deal fair But be sure of Witches ye have a Care All the danger lies there It makes every honest Man stare But if ye be wise Come no more there The burnt Child dreads the Fire If you won't break your Neck climb no higher Leap over Steeples and Spires And sing Anthems in the Quires And you shall have all your desires When you are far off from danger come no nigher When you 're all a cold cling close to the Fire Save the King and hang up the Cryer Never trust your Self-denyers Tho they be Nuns Monks or Friars Have a care of Brambles and Briars Especially of Spirit Triars Sit not too long at other Folks Fires 'T is a Mercy we are not all Squires Interest thou' rt a God to all Thou relievest Great and Small Every one comes and goes at thy Call Interest thou' rt a God to me I am secured from Fate by thee Thou art that great Leviathan That turns as quick as Cat i' th' Pan. Interest for Wealth and State Takes Obligation for her Mate If Interest comes by Pains or Blood Virtue or Friends 't is very good Obligation will never fail Continually wags his Tail Evermore crouches and cringes Is never clear off o' the Hinges Looks fair upon all and smiles And every Mothers Son beguiles Obligation gets all spends all Keeps all hurts all mends all Is and is not of all shapes Imitates mocks like Apes Welcomes and Curses all Visitors Curses and Complements the Lords Inquisitors Dam ye Rogues I can never be quiet You come to consume all my Diet. Dear Sirs you 're the last Friends I thought on To greater Friends you hope to be brought on Makes 'um drunk and sends 'um going Always fawning always woing And yet always undoing Flattery smooths and grinds Is of Ten thousand hundred Minds Acts Villanies of every kind All his work is to scatter and bind She spreads and turns her hands if you mind her Looks before her and behind her You shall never know where to find her Tho you set her loose or bind her This is your obliging Man That loves and hates all he can Nunquam Idem Wild or Tame Is never in a right Frame Sometimes 't is calm and smooth weather Then blusters as if Heav'n and Earth came together Be made or marr'd choose you whither Your Shoes are made of running Leather This cannot be an honest Spirit Disobligation and Merit At this rate who shall inherit The Falsifying Art is all We can good or evil call Lye and swear upon the Stall Hang out Religion's Sign for all Interest for a piece of Bread Will knock the honestest Man i' th' Head Wherever you find good Feeding Take it 't is a sign of good Breeding But wheresoever all is poor All is nothing but Rogue and Whore Eat 'um out of house and home and come there no more But wherever there is good store Put 'um to 't sing old Rose make the Welkin roar Interest leaves all in the lurch Goes to Meetings goes to Church O thou great Witch both cruel and kind The Ludibrium of Mankind From the Vatican to the Plow We 're beholden to such as you Play fast and loose In and In In and Out Cut Capers when you have the Gout Never Trust never Doubt Never be weary never give out Run all the Points of the Compass about Set in and set out as nimble as Dogs Keep Company with Toads and Frogs Dance over the Mountains and over the Bogs Such Disobligations are base That never dare to come Face to Face Into all Companies rush Never be daunted never blush And for no man care a rush Brazen it out stoutly swell look big Fear no man Tory nor Whig Cry up Honesty cry down Lies That man that dares say Black 's my Eyes I 'le make him Hell's
Hog A roaring Bear a Lion ranting A howling Wolf a Mag-Pye canting In all Habits to beguile A wet and dry Saint Crockadile He can whine simper cry and roar All this while he loves a Whore I 'le ha' to do with him no more He sacrifices at every Altar Cunningly scapes every Haltar Turn him to the Straits of Gibraltar There he hangs out all Flags Catches every Ship that wags In all Places he makes his Brags Struts in Tissues Begs in Rags Of Pigmy and of Giant stature The veriest Rogue in Nature Amongst the Tartar and Turk Sets every Villain at work In every Corner he does lurk A perfect Rook a perfect Shirk No Roguery can suffice him 'Till we Witches chastise him He does all the World infect Gets and loses all Respect Only Hell can him correct This Sect is true bred and of the right kind That rides the Devil off his Legs and breaks his Wind. Sea-men and Scholars gallop spur and switch Till they tumble in a Ditch Raise a deep Dust of Dispute Pro Con Till the clear Truth be quite gone Then leave the Question red hot To them that dare handle it over the Pot And determine at last with a Why not Jacta est Alea e're and anon They have waded over Rubicon Perit Judicium secundum meum Intellectum Cum Res transit in Affectum Perdit operam Oleum When the Bus'ness ends in Cordolium As they do that have read Sybillae Folium All Trash and Trumpery Palea Lolium Principium est Vnum when that 's divided No Controversie can be decided What 's made Duable or Triable Is also Malleable and Friable By Decree of the Schools Council Table Majestas Imperii the Sword doth wield Challenges Salus Populi into the Field But the Rebel Rout scorns to yield Every Princely Suavamen Shall be counted a Gravamen To which the Vulgar Priests cry Amen Who with the Rout are the same Men. Indemnity and Toleration Give Stable room and Litter for every Disputation But hinder a true Reformation At Baiae Tiberius lay close in his Box And with the whole Senate plaid Reinold the Fox Take a Latitat about your Neck And give every Vice a check Lye close by the Philosopher's Stone under ground And I 'le warrant you you shall never be found Trebonian the botching Sutor Pretended to be the Laws Co-adjutor Whose Memory is therefore Curst ' Cause he left the best and kept the Worst Those Fragments and Cento's Hoysted the Laws upon Ten-toes Or being Strait with Buckrom-Basting Made them Crooked Everlasting Justinian made a good Constitution Forbidding Comments to prevent Confusion But they by Glosses have perplext The pure Simplicity of the Text. By which poor Clients are so vext You may conjecture what is next All that the Law doth blame Suffer Pain Poverty or Shame The Judge of Common Law and Right Was Praetor or Chancelor at first sight These were the old honest Ways To prevent Charges and Delays Now you must leap a Communi Banco To Bill and Answer in Black and Blanco To hold at least seven Tropicks in Cancro The good old Laws are Abrogated The good old Lytae Eunuchated So an Index Expurgatorius In honest Authors is Notorious Some honest Husbands are too Uxorious Geld them that are too Laborious To get for their Wives to spend in waste And make them Cuckolds and Beggars at last In nothing we can be secure For nothing comes to our hands pure By Plagiaries ignorant false Scribes Sollicitors that take Bribes Corruption runs through all Tribes By hunting after them I get Kibes We 're abus'd not only by Pen and Ink But in our Clothing Meat and Drink In Building Planting and Sowing Harvesting Threshing Reaping and Mowing Be we never so well careful or knowing In Hawking Hunting and Whoring In Pots and Dishes false Reck'ning and Scoring And upon Books or Papers poaring Trust no Body that 's the safest Rule Well meaning Honesty 's but Ridicule You are all either Befool'd or Fools Never trust to Edged Tools The eldest Knave goes to School The wisest Rascal turns Fool. The Blade that struts in all his Bravery Brings all to Beggary or Slavery Nothing is wholsom nothing is savoury All smells of Folly or Knavery At your Table Judas sits At your Kitchin he licks the Spits 'T will put you out of your little Wits Or bring you to some fainting Fits Behind your Chair stands a Waiter A Parasite or a Traytor In your Bosom a Snake lies In your Bed a Syren cries Burn 'um out of your Hive like Wasps and Hornets That buz false Tales with Musick of Cornets These are the Dogs that fetch and carry When all 's gone they no longer tarry A young Rogue by your Bounty bred Betrays you at Board and Bed He deserves to be knockt o' th' Head He tells all is done or said You 're safe no where from a Knave You shall not lye quietly in your Grave Riches and Honour shan't defend you Vertue be sure can ne're Befriend you But it may perchance help to End you You 're nearest Confidents are not secure Trust not tho they look so Demure Beware most of the most pure Correspondents do not long endure By Vows and Oaths turn 'um and wind 'um By Body and Soul bind ' um If they stir tye their hands behind 'um And then you may be sure to find ' um If any where you may be bold Try among Witches young or old We are like buzzing stinging Flies To Revenge you of your Enemies And be sure Vengeance never dies Besides we can tell many Lyes Make us therefore your Trusty Spies Advance to us and we 'l relieve you That none shall hurt or deceive you If whole Armies against you fight We can make 'um all vanish out a sight I 'm angry at the Indian Tree That can't endure the Sun to see With Moon and Stars they do agree They are no company for me They bud and blossom in the Nights But wither a days all to Rights These are to Travellers strange Sights A Plant of a dogged sullen kind Such another I cannot find To the dark from the warm Suns Like a blind Rogue away he runs Wou'd I always had such Duns I shou'd be afraid of Guns A Grove of such Trees wou'd do well At Delphos or in Pluto's Cell A Lye constantly deserves the Stab Tho from King Oberon or Queen Mab. I 'de rather deal with a Rogue or a Drab Than with a drunken quarrelling Scab But of all things I should be loth To encounter a false Oath Especially from a Brother of the Cloth In earnest I defie them both I ever lov'd to tell Truth Excepting to my Sister Ruth She Cheats by Yea and Nay forsooth And she has a dainty Tooth An Hostler robs me of my Oats An Atturney of my Horse for Ten Groats To trust a Tapster I 'de be loth He cousens me with Nick and Froth A false Balance Breathed Wares Deceive Buyers in
I 'le not crush a poor Hare in her Form ‘ Nor will I tread upon a Worm ‘ Let my Foes charge me if they can ‘ I 'le prove my self an Honest Man ‘ By putting on a Witches Mask ‘ I take the Witches Selves to Task ‘ The Prospect of all sorts of Sin ‘ Hath made my Honest Satyr Grin ‘ Because he hath so often Frown'd ‘ Nimrod's Hunters would run him a Ground ‘ And Post him up and down the Town ‘ Specially Men of the long Gown ‘ In all this Personated Draught ‘ I let fly at all that is Naught ‘ For a Witches Expressions to the Wise ‘ I dare Apologize ‘ Things contrary to all Law and Rule ‘ Are perstringed by Ridicule ‘ Why should not Honesty take Inspection ‘ Of all sorts of Vices for Correction ‘ To save the World from further Infection ‘ I 'm tyr'd with raking in this Slough ‘ Far more than they that hold the Plough ‘ I fear I have been too large ‘ Shall no more undertake such a Charge ‘ I 'le busie my Self in the Practise of Right ‘ An Honest Heart shall be my Delight ‘ I 'le hide me close in my Cell all alone ‘ All Sin and Misery to Bemoan ‘ The World with both is Overgrown ‘ And now All my Seeds are Sown AN APPENDIX TO The Witches FRank Rablais solid Works took not very well But the Fâ—ps hugg'd his Garagantua and Pantagruel A Bawble pleases Fools with a Bell The same is done with a Bubble and a Shell They that won't stir for a grave Tragick Dance Will cut Capers and Fly at a light Comick Romance When sound Notions no Friends can make Try if Burlesque or Droll won't take If not Boy a Quart of Canary in the Mitre Score I 'le trust Witch or Devil no more THE WITCH TO THE READER CANTO I. DO Laugh Democritus Heraclitus Cry 'T is a fine sight to grin and put finger in Eye No Fools like the old Fools for shame cease Mad Shavers will do what they please We read that Birds Beasts and Trees of old Spake when Men durst not be so bold Of Villany and Tyranny the highest Strain Is to suffer none of Wrongs to complain So to sin without Controll Endures neither Check nor Droll This crosses the very Justice of Hell Where none are punisht that do well But where no Pen nor Tongue nor Hand Must move there 's no Counsel nor Command There Good and Bad are at a stand That 's worse than Dis or Fairy Land Where there 's neither Satyr nor Droll Murd'rers and Judges walk Cheek by Joll For such States let the Bell Toll They that deserve an Objurgation Sue Plaintiff in Action of Defamation This Liberty undoes a Nation Stifle all History and Record From the Peasant to the Lord Censure no mans Deed or Word A fine World when to do any thing every man may be bold And no Man of his Offence must be told If this be allowed Indemnity Why should not we Witches be free Can it be counted Sense or Reason To hang them up that find fault with Felony or Treason Shall the Law let go gross Offenders And fall upon the honest Reprehenders Plague the Thrifty and encourage the Spenders Then farewel the Trade of State-Menders Do your worst Officers says Tacebo Hangman lacks work says Non Placebo It puts Wise men upon the Frets To find Laws turn'd into Nets The greatest Plague took up by the Factions Is to plunge the Modest into chargeable Actions The Janus Lawyers gather vast Fruits By strangling the Quiet in Endless Suits Put up your Injuries into your Sleeves What the Eye ne're sees the Heart ne're grieves All the World hath cause to complain Of the Delays of proud Spain Me veny la morte di Spagna at long running For then to be sure 't will be slow a coming That way is desperately suspected That deserves but refuses to be Corrected What ever 's that Law I can't understand That banishes Informers out of a Land And suffers Licentiousness to Command There 's plenty of Traytors Rogues and Whores Where they admit of no Corrigidores That Land swarms with Bandities and Tories That breeds no Alcades or Commandatories Letters of Mart or Represalia Armies of Thieves stand in Battalia To fill up the Fields of Pharsalia It was thought of old that none but Kings Were exempted from Satyrs Stings But now every one that lies under a Hedge Shall plead Immunity and Priviledge And steal if he can the Golden Wedge This sets all my Teeth on edge If I Rob no body need to be my Pledge For now the proudest Knaves that e're Pist Presume to do what they list And if nere so much mischief all is Whist And they 're already at it Hand to Fist Rock all the Laws say I asleep Or hurl their Books into the Deep And out all Frogs and Toads will creep But not an honest Man dares peep If a True-hearted Body find fault Tumble him into the Inquisition Vault Of Hell that is a perfect Draught A true Informer there let him dye The Commonwealth won't endure a Spye In Wickedness we 're ne're like to thrive So long as there 's a Satyr alive Nemo me lacessit impune is the Motto of the Thistle The Publick Good for this Priviledge may go Whistle Kings indeed are safe under the Rose But Subjects are in their own Clothes They may without a Fiction Sin free from Contradiction If my rich Neighbour come to cut my Throat As Pompey's was in the Egyptian Boat I must stand still and not find fault Or else he 'l leave me not worth a Groat Do not Parliaments to Kings complain Of Grievances and shall Subjects disdain To be complain'd of or punisht by Kings Or if need be by Inferior Things If there be allow'd no Reprehension Of Rebels there will be a general Comprehension And that must be a damnable Invention In all Commonwealths at these Rates No Censors of Manners or Estates No more need of Magistrates Let us dance at Barly-Breaks And refer all to the Fates Tho we break one anothers Pates And you may shut up Hell Gates Yet every Gossip with her Mate Shall never leave to lye and prate Of them that are of highest state Say or do the Law what it will A Womans Tongue will never lye still Canting Saints call Satyrs Libels Where find they that in all their Bibels May Sins be rebuked or may they not This Answer may suffice a Sot That passes his Verdict over a Pot. A Fools Bolt is soon shot But never understands What 's what If Good may be cry'd up evil may be cry'd down With Honesty all over the Town To teach to do Good and eschew Evil Comes not kindly from a Witch or a Devil When Vice is cry'd out against none are abus'd But only when Honest men are falsly accus'd That 's Scandal and Libelling therefore To call a Spade a Spade ne're go behind the Door
But the Comfort is they are Honest and True But they that hate 'um and hurt 'um are damnably Base And so I shall boldly tell 'um to their Face He that sooths cringes and collogues Gets all the Honour and all the Vogues I confess they may object against my Life But against my Doctrine they can have no Strife Ovid's Muse was a Chast Madona Lasciva est Pagina vita Bona. This is all they can say 't is a Witch that does scold But 't is against all sorts of Knaves young and old And perhaps none but a Witch durst be so bold Others 't is plain are between hot and cold And are afraid of losing their Gold You may be corrupt and you may be pure Let them alone and they 'l let you alone be sure So you may both quietly march into Hell By that means all will be well Still 't is the same thing to rebuke Evil Be it done by Saint Witch or Devil If you be good I have nothing to say But praise you for taking the Right way But if you choose the Cause that is Evil I 'm ready to post you headlong to the Devil Never stand Shall I shall I railing or bawling Let every one follow his honest Calling 'T is my duty tho a wicked Preacher To strike at every false Over-reacher Tho I fail yet be you Just and True To be sure I shall have my due Is 't any hurt for me that am Bad to wish you better I may be a Knave and a good Bone-Setter You may Rail at me as you have begun But what has the honest Poet done Does he speak his own Words or Mine Why do ye abuse him then for every Line Tax him for his life if you can or dare The best of you with him compare But because you can't at his Fame you dart The Devil one day will split you for 't The Devil one day will give you a Fair Ring And hang you up at the Cross called Charing A Company of leud Hectors that ne're did good But always delighted in innocent Blood To abuse and undo every Honest man Endure it that endure it can This moves me to take their part That are fairly wrong'd and griev'd at Heart For others Sins and their own Harms This forces me to make use of my Charms And to plague those that do them Wrong This is the burden of my Song What a Nest is there of Rogues and Whores That turn all Honest men out of Doors When none take their part In come We To revenge all their Injury We 'l hurt no Innocents of honest Profession But aim at the Men of all sorts of Transgression I 've done so much harm to good Men in my days I 'm resolv'd now to secure them and their Praise I do confess my self to blame For being a Witch I deserve the Name But for those that use Paints Act Rogues and profess Saints And of Hypocrisie will endure no Complaints I tell you I cannot abhor them enough That are more than Law or Conscience Proof In Hell there can be no worse Stuff I confess I 'm by force to Witchcraft confin'd But they to all Villany are freely inclin'd Goodness often comes in my mind And to good Men I love to be kind But they will neither be good in themselves Nor suffer others to be good What worser Elves The Devils and We are already damn'd And hook in others with them to be sham'd For fear Hell should not be sufficiently cram'd In this I 'm sure I do well To save as many as I can from coming to Hell Especially to avoid this Gainsaying That Men should go to the Devil by Praying The same with In Frost and Snow to go a Maying I very well find the danger I am in That can't repent me of my Sin This makes me the more earnest to study to save If I could every Incorrigible Slave I can baseness more to the life express Than they that use it nevertheless Because I know I give my Mind To fetch up those that lag behind Of all Vice I have ta'ne the true scent More than those that never Repent To turn them into the Right way Which they wilfully pass by every day We are better natured than Fiends ' Cause to Mankind we are better Friends I may have as Wise and as Honest Desires And kindle as Zealous Fires As those that hang out a Fairer Sign But never sell good Beer or Wine I could find in my heart to break the Devils Score And hurt Honest Men no more Every Single Simple Imp Shews himself so much in the Crimp As to Act Monk and Play the Pimp Vnus Invenit Alius Pinxit Vnus Cacavit Alius Minxit You 'l say I use Ribaldry Roaring and Ranting Poetick Philosophick Canting But to Blaspheme or be Profane I tell you I abhor that Strain Tho I be out Nettle and in Dock You shall ne're find me at that Lock I 'le be sure to leap over that Block I may and do act several Parts And Counterfeit in several Arts. But I have no Ill meaning to Beguile Stab under the fifth Rib with a Smile But to find out and describe a Knave all the while The Honest man I take his part Because I love him at my Heart Because I know he will never start The greatest Villains Low and High Can't but admire love and fear Honesty Yet they 're so base to do all the harm they can To the True Honest Harmless man Now this is the way that loaths me so much For which I bear them all this Grutch And when I can handsomly upon 'um light I long to do 'um all despight And it shall be cunningly out of sight None can deal so well nor be so Tight As We to be reveng'd of Malice and Might When Clocks want Keepers and Dyals want Light All goes by guess whither Wrong or Right Seldom blind Archers hit the White The Informer and Hangman have took their flight A Wise man may wear a Fools Coat An Honest man may be left not worth a Groat He that speaks Truth shall lie in his Throat If as Chast as Diana you 're call'd a leud Goat If Wise as Pallas they 'l say you Doat A grave Musician may play a light Note If you be a Lamb they 'l cut your Throat If this be all the fault you can find 'T is to rebuke Sin you know my mind Every thing must be serv'd in its kind You 're a degree from the Devil remov'd If you once hate to be reprov'd 'T is a sign you will never be good That vomit and belch out Dirt and Mud. The crazy World will crack in all its middle Joynts When both ends want their Parapoints Say what you will In totâ Naturâ rerum Nil Justè prohibet dicere Verum When all is done except Truth may command I know not how the World can stand Then Reader I 'le allow you a Bushel of Malt If you 'l
than the Oil of Gold That fed th'Everlasting Lamp of old For Lyes we 're all bought and sold Tygers the Africans did annoy Which not being able to destroy By solemn Act they all Decree No Tygers should in Nature be Tom Nash his Pasquil and Marforius The Counter Scufflle more Censorious These answer'd Martin-Mar-Prelate better Than Whitgift's Admonition Letter Aurelia Allobrogum the more 's the Pity Contends with Rome to be the Mother City Compare which of them hath done least good Observe which of them hath shed most Blood Paris Mattins Sicilian Evensong The Powder-Plot the Parliament Long. This Presbyterian Association The Dissenters Assassination Nero Sirnamed Tiberius Got the Nick-name of Biberius Licinius Muraena so I clept ' Cause for a Lampry's death he wept The Luxurious Roman Squire Will see his Fish expire And drest immediately at the Fire Of Prodigies Rome's Stories tell us Croco sparsa Domus of Metellus Accipenser serv'd up at a strange rate With Garlands and loud Musick in state A Horse a Consul and Priest was made A Man a Woman the Roman Trade Romans were famous to the Skyes Greeks were renowned for Lyes Too near a Wolf take heed how you come If you see him first he 'l strike you dumb From hence conclude Lupus in Fabulâ Or write it down for a Lye in Tabulâ Moles have no Eyes Elephants no Joynts They sleep leaning on Trees false Points Pelican for her Young makes holes in her Breast 'T is as true as all the rest For she has a broad Flat Bill And could not do 't though she had a Will Our Bodies are weak Ergo for Fornication The Gloss says there 's no Deprivation We 're all now of less Age and Stature Ergo there is a decay in Nature Sun draws near th' Earth an Hundred and Thirty Degrees In time the Tropicks are like to Freeze Mountains decay Stars fail Some already downwards hang their Tail Cassiopeia's new Star is long since retir'd Comets above the Moon much admir'd Venus has chang'd her Colour Bigness and Shape Sol drinks all Vapours Stars for Thirst gape But what if the Dragon or great Bear To our Horizon should draw near 'T would put us all to a Bodily Fear Besides Retrogradation Trepidation and Libration Fright Mortals with a General Transmutation Sayling more speedy from East to West Confirms the Truth of all the rest Harpaste Seneca's Wives Fool At Noon stumbled at a Joyn'd Stool Blind as she was her Reason mark She complain'd the Room was dark Precise Plato held a Community 'Twixt Men and Women with Impunity Lycurgus made all his Laws for War If for Peace't had been better far Solon cancell'd old Debts the more Under pretence of doing good to the Poor Aristotle for poor mens helps Bids drown their Children like Whelps Coelum vetus est Paganum Da novum nobis Christianum Ordeal Law by Fire and Water The like by Duels or Manslaughter Of Truth found out no such matter Lypsius de Potoribus Eâ—oribus Should add De Orbis Raptoribus Consult Joannes de Temporibus Cave Annibal est prae Foribus Where Beauty and Wisdom are fixt They are good single but better mixt Fair Vertue shines with greater Grace When adorn'd with Beauties Face 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Homer's Iliads in a Nut-shell lye The Rhodian Ship was hid by a Fly Vitellius had two Thousand Fishes And ten Thousand Birds serv'd up in Dishes To Gluttons with Cranes-Throats if they had their Wishes Six hundred Ostriches for Heliogabalus An Ox for Hercules if not Fabulous Smydrides rested from all Fears Saw no Sun-rising for Twenty years There is I think no great Wit But of some mixture does admit Of Madness now and then a fit Penelopes Geese eat the Wheat in her Hall She dream't the Eagle kill'd them all The Thief is born under Mercury's Planet Under Venus the Letcher can't withstand it Murderer under Mars if you understand it Mahomet's Doctrine of the Bow-string Sad Notes upon the Hangmans Low-string Mark Antony and Cleopatra his Mate Strove t'outvye in Charge and State Antony's Supper of vast Expence Th' Egyptian Queen did Recompence She call'd her Slave to fetch a Cruse Of Vinegar as for common use Took a Pearl pendant from one Ears tip Dissolv'd and turn'd it o're her Lip O 't was a costly Vain-glorious swallow From t'other Ear a second was to follow But that the Judge stay'd her Saying Madam y'have won the Wager The Jewel sav'd they did divide To adorn Venus in her highest Pride Jewels of such invaluable Worth Th'Orient ne're before or since brought forth Clodius Aesop the Tragaedian did such a Feat But 'fore they died wanted Meat Attalus to Seneca commended a Bed Where was no Print from Foot to Head Made him rather than please his Gusts To feed on Herbs and hard Crusts The Pompeians the Night before Pharsalia's Fight did Sing and Roar Casting Dice with unlucky Hands For Romes Honours Houses Lands The next Day they all fell or fled Divide no Lions Skin 'till he be dead Wherefore was Famous Machiavel Condemn'd by Churchmen to the Pit of Hell 'T was because of the Pope he ne're spake well Therefore Curse him by Book Candle and Bell. Drink up the Morning-Star and if you ben't a Clown Be bold to drink th'Evening-Star down Martin the Cryer calls Witches away The Owls screetch the Dogs bay Toads croak and Catamountains play Snatch Flesh Foam the Night-Ravens Maws Wolves Hair from off Mad-Dogs Jaws Seize the Ass out of the Lions Paws Hiena's Basilisks Mandrakes Vipers Adders Serpents Snakes Take Horned Poppy Cypress Brooms Wild Fig-Tree that grows on Tombs Cast up dead Ashes and Sand The Moon and Stars you may Command Darkness Devils Heav'n and Hell Must be subject to your Spell I call you Once I call you Twice Headlong ye come if I call you Thrice Make your Cross Dances Hip to Hip Back to Back Hee l to Heel Trip. Charm all the sorts of deadly Drugs Carry the Devils by the Lugs Sting 'um with Insects and Bugs In Cradles suck Childrens Breath And gripe the old Nurses to Death Full fourteen years the Maid of Mewrs Fasted liv'd by the smell of Flowrs 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Sun bene olet Quod oculus non ridet Cor non dolet The Parasite is Fee'd Offa monet 'T was Tully's unsavoury proud Encomium O Fortunatam natam me Consule Romam Dioclesian Brother to Sun and Moon His Name 's up may lye a Bed till Noon Give the Baby Pap in a Spoon All Clients that come or go Have the Honour to kiss his Toe Ev'n grave Augustus had his Frisk Acted Apollo very Brisk Clad his Guests in Antick Dresses In state like Gods and Goddesses Dominus Deus noster Jubet Domitianus quicquid Lubet Numen Vestrum Perennitas Vestra Saluted so in the Orchestrâ Augustus's Statue Cheek by Joll Jussel'd Jupiter in the Capitol Of Scaurus's Theatre Fame Thunders As of one of the