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A07036 Martins months minde that is, a certaine report, and true description of the death, and funeralls, of olde Martin Marreprelate, the great makebate of England, and father of the factious. Contayning the cause of his death, the manner of his buriall, and the right copies both of his will, and of such epitaphs, as by sundrie his dearest friends, and other of his well willers, were framed for him. Nash, Thomas, 1567-1601.; Nash, Thomas, 1567-1601, attributed name. 1589 (1589) STC 17452; ESTC S108299 28,136 66

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giuen him quoth Martin the Medium an Italian figge n● no Matt. That's a Machiuillian tricke and some of your mates are better acquainted with it Marie for al sorts of Figges I will not sweare let them enquire it for Martin was a great surfeter Or haue you not choaked him with a fat Prebend or two Much les good Sir that were a death for an honest man neither is there any one of all your crue that would not be glad to die that death but it will not be except you will be enstald in a hempen whood for you loue neither silke nor miniuer and of that condition yong Martin I dare assure thee foure and thy elder brother as reason is double the number for double fee● But to leaue thy flim flam tales and loytering lies that canst doo no other if a man should hang thee the trueth is this which my little Martin knoweth as well as I and you that are old Martins friends report it of my word for it is as true as steele After that old Martin hauing taken a most desperate cause in hand as the troubling of the State and ouerthrowe of the Church both which attempts at once Alexander the Copper Smith that did Paule so much harme would neuer haue aduentured nor Herostratus that burned Dianas temple by many degrees came neere vnto and being therfore and well worthie sundrie waies verie curstlie handled as first drie beaten therby his bones broken then whipt that made him winse then wormd and launced that he tooke verie grieuouslie to be made a Maygame vpon the Stage and so bangd both with prose and rime on euerie side as he knewe not which way to turne himselfe and at length cleane Marde the griefe whereof vext him out of all crie and that if he were taken it was to be feared he should be made a Bishop of the fields which name he neuer loued and to weare a tippet that he euer detested but especiallie being drawne so drie so as he could say no more wherby his radicall moisture began to faile him and his vitall powers in such sort to decaie as he saw that he could not long continue but especiallie that his labours being so great tooke none effect but was termed by some a Vice by some a Viper by some a Scismatique by some a Traitor and that euerie stage Plaier made a iest of him and put him cleane out of countenance yea his owne familiars disdained to acknowledge him and so had both frends and foes both good bad euen the whole realme saue a fewe of his faction that cried out shame vpon him hauing besides of olde as manie diseases as an horse both HH's and PPé's that had time out of minde possest him albeit he bare it out long with a lustie courage the old gentleman began at the length being discouraged in his courses to droope as sorowe and shame tameth both man and beast and to mislike himselfe for he termeth himselfe vnwise that is to say a Noddie for medling with it and through meere mellanchollie fell into a feauer lurdaine whereby hee grewe so costiue as nothing came from him in three or foure moneths space And so hauing taken his bedde he fent for his Phisitions whereof hee had some choyce that knewe verie well the constitution of his bodie though not so fit to see into a water who albeit at the first touch of the pulse that went verie disordredly perceiued that he was past cure yet loath to loose so profitable a member to their commensing common wealth they ministred to him a potion for pilles he could swallow downe none whereby as it falleth out with such as are long bound he voyded certaine vncertaine and imperfect Articles for a farewell to Booke making but afterwards when they perceiued that the force therof wrought so stronglie vpon him as that it purged away all the conscience wit and honestie he had and that Purgarentur ea quae purgari non oportuit a deadlie signe grounded vponan vndoubted maxime of their Phisick they came vnto him with teares in their eyes told him that there was no way with him but one and therefore wisht him to set his worldlie affaires in order that no controuersie might growe amongst his after he was gone Wherewith Martin fetching a deepe sigh Nay quoth he do what I will I may not hope for that vnlikelie it is that I should make peace after my death that did naught els but make bate while I was aliue And withall calling his sonnes these two scapethrifts to him who like a couple of good and vertuous Babes stood grinning all the while as glad they should enioye their fathers Patrimonie and bee chiefe Martins themselues and wringing the elder by the hande with another great sigh said to them as followeth Oh my sonnes I see my doings and my course misliked of many both the good and the bad though also I haue fauourers of both sorts marie verie fewe of the good indeede The Bishops and their traine though they stumble at the cause yet especially mislike my manner of writing Those whom foolishly men call Puritanes like the matter I haue handled but the forme they cannot brooke so that herein I haue them both for mine aduersaries And vnwise I was I confesse to vndertake the matter And not onelie that but which much more grieueth mee I perceiue that euerie stage plaier if he play the foole but two houres together hath somewhat for his labour and I that haue taken as great paines as the veriest foole of them haue trauailed with my toyes now these two yeares and gained nothing saue that I haue gotten many thousand eye witnesses of my witles and pitifull conceites and ameuerie where noted for an ignominious foole and dig●ised Asse I had thought that my works sauced with those i●sts would haue had both speedier accesse to the greater States and better successe with the common people for the humors of men in these daies especiallie those that are in any place are giuen thereto But sure I was deceiued The one are wise and like of no such fooleries the other now wearie of our stale mi●th that for a penie may haue farre better by oddes at the Theater and Curtaine and any blind playing house euerie day These things with other which I wil keepe to my selfe that more neerely touch my conceite for my conscience alas is purged and gone to tell you the plaine trueth haue broken my heart and I am now no man of this world which I must tell you in counsell I take in good part for that in verie deed I feared a worse turne that if you my sonnes take not the better heed may happe befall you And though I can scarse speake any more yet will I straine my selfe to vse a fewe words vnto you for that none
but you our friends be here which receiue from me with good regard as you tender the stuffing of your doublet coller being your fathers last farewel that may doo you good if you haue the wit or grace which I much doubt to marke them well Three things there are my sonnes that were my bane and whereby which grieueth me most of al I did greatest hurt to the cause I vndertooke and most grieuouslie offended both God and the world The first was my foolerie vnfit in truth for the matter I handled For though I knowe iesting is lawfull e●en in the greatest matters and that the Lord is she author both of mirth and grauitie yet after that some of our companions had dealt sagelie in the cause and gained good credite with some of some sort in lept I like a woodcocke I must confesse with twatling tales of Sir Iefries Aletub and of Ganmer Gurtons needle and of beefe and brues and rubbing of boules and cus●ins and liuerie coates and leadeu shooing hornes and woodden daggers and ●xecombes and such like tr●mperies with my fond phrases of parsous Fukars and Currats Confocation house Paltripolitanes so ho how h● h● Tse Tse Tse whoop and hall●we fleering leering ieeringe and such paltrie peering that I am now ashamed to talke of in my Epistle and in my worke for Cooper Py hy be hold my cloake some bodie I wil so bumseage him and the foolish tales of the King of M●ie at H●●ct●●de and the boy with the red cappe there and such other twittle twattles that indeede I had learned in Ale-houses and at the Theater of Lanam and his fellowes and in one houre ouerthrewe what the wiser sort had been working and with heaue and shooue had reared vp and set on end many yeares before And therefore my sonnes beware of that The woodden dagger may not bee worne at the backe where S. Paules fword hangs by the side neither can he well finde fault with the corner cap that weareth the furd night cappe on his head as I did These gambols my sonnes are implements for the Stage and beseeme Iesters and Plaiers but are not fit for Church plotters nor common wealth casters such as wee are which I must now confesse was one my foule errors And therefore my good sonnes auoide it as you tender the seruice you haue in hand and hope one day to sit alost in your long wished for Consistorie amongst your lay Lordings which your father hath lost for euer through his foolerie The next meanes of my miserie was my Ribaudrie An homelie terme speciallie of my selfe but it is now no time to dissemble and I wil conceale nothing that may tend to your instruction whom I would faine bring to some wit grace if it might be which I could neuer yet doo And herein I must confesse I called them Asses and Dunces that I knewe farre better schollers than my selfe I noted small faults in them as bowling and by my faith and such other trifles and knew farre greater in my selfe and my purest brethren Wherein my part I confesse had been first priuatelie to haue warned them whereas now I haue both broken the rule of the Gospell and giuen the enemies cause to speake eurill of the Gospell which I cannot denic they soundly preach I haue most intemperatly raised against them with most shamefull and vnseemelie termes as Swinish and Antichristian rable proude popish presumptuous prophane paltri● pestilent and pernicious Prelates wainscot faces Doltes Asses Beastes Patches knaues kaitiues lewd swagges ambicious wretches and many other like most filthie phrases which now grie ueth me to the very heart to thinke of fitter I confesse for Bedlem than for our pretended puritie Wherein I haue not spared the more knaue I and with that he strake himselfe on the breast such as her Maiestie hath made speciall choise of for her Counsell whereby also I hindered our cause more at that time than I did foresee and therein to be plaine I shewed my selfe the greatest Asse of all Againe which worse was manie of them I slandered against mine owne knowledge thought it enough if I might but deuise against them the vilest things of the world to bring them in hatred with the credulous multitude a di●ellish tricke my sonnes which I learned in Machiuell but take heede of it for it asketh vengeance As some to be Papists whom I knew to be sound Protestants some to fauour the Spaniards who I knewe detested them Some to bee traitors who my conscience tolde me were good subiects yea if I should speake the truth and shame the diuell farre better than my selfe whereby what I lost you may consider of but gained naught els saue that which commonlie liers doo which was when I spake the trueth no man would beleeue me no not the veriest kennell raker nor vilest rascall that was in a countrie except hee were of our crue of which sort indeede wee haue no small store But sonnes let these fewe words serue herein for I am wearie of this rehearsall that hath been the verie knife to cut my throte and therefore and you bee wise see that no such sharpe stuffe doo passe your weesell And the best when all is done is to mend our selues that the Lord knoweth haue the greatest need thereof euen of all others the best of vs be they neuer so bad The third and last meanes that hath brought me to my last end was worst of all and that was woe is mee therefore my Blasphemie For beeing once entered into the vicelike vaine of foolerie and making no respect of men I was caried most wickedlie like a wretch as I was in a scorne against the saincts of GOD the Scripture of GOD and GOD himselfe I called mine owne mates Sainsts and his Saincts Sirs wherein I spared neither Dauid nor Peter nor Paule no nor the blessed mother of Christ her selfe oh vile varlet that I was and therewith he whimpered and put finger in the eye which was some signe of grace whom the spirit of God himselfe said speaking within her that all generations should still call blessed For she is blessed and a glorious Sainct and I a shamefull wretch and most miserable miscreant Yea the Scriptures themselues I made a mocke of for to a text of S. Peter I tacked on a blind iest of the Bishop of Rochesters benefice and made a fooles motley of it like a prophane blasphemous kaitife as I was whereby I mooued all sorts of people that professed any religion to detest condemne me for a most manifest Atheist of which humour I feare many of our hottest fauorites be But let that rest and let them looke to it themselues and others whom it concernes and to end with you of whom I haue greatest care being the liuelie image of my selfe whom I must leaue behinde me that may
they would haue thee if thou were so wise to found thy faith To conclude marke Martins life and his proceedings and thou wilt saie his death and funeralls were answerable vnto it And since he is dead let him bee buried also in thy conceit and so let his vaine works together with his remembrance lie still as he dooth and 〈◊〉 as carrion And as for these yong Martins both the one and the other and all the broode of such beastlie bratts assure thy self they are not long liued that in the noses of all that are not stuft to much with the Pose of preiudice but can smell any thing in the worlde do euen now stinke aboue the ground aliue Fare well And if thou wilt fare well indeede Beware of Martin ¶ A true report of the death and buriall of Martin Mar-prelate Incipit faeliciter GOod newes to England Olde Martin the Marre-all is dead and buried Hee telleth you the tale that knoweth it to bee true I pray GOD neuer worse newes come either to Court or Countrie and all good people say Amen You long I know to heare the cause and manner of his death whose life and doings were so infamous and many I doubt not will thinke and probablie too that it should bee in reason some strange and violent death that is befalne him that was so monstrous and immoderate in all his proceedings and that either in the fire water or ayre that so troubled the earth while he liued vpon it The verie truth I will tell you for pitie it were to belie the dead from point to point without altering so much as a pinnes point as neere as my memoric will giue me leaue and therefore listen Many are the reports scattered abroad of both as commonly in such great accidents is accustomed and all false Some say hee was taken by the Spaniards and burnt in the Groyne and they that report so say that hee brought the cause thereof from hence with him not for religion but some other causes that now I omit Some that he was hanged by his owne companie at Lisbone for a mut●nie which was verie likelie to haue been true also that euer was giuen to factions and mutinies while he liued here Some that comming thence hauing before ouerdronke himselfe with the hot wines of those Countries which he could not but loue wel being so seldome sober for the most part as he was he died of a surfet and was throwne ouer boord so was double drowned both within and without Some that riding in his visitation his horse stumbled and he brake his necke which other some say was in some other sort as that hee wandring to that purpose in the manner of a Gipson for that he would not bee knowne was taken and trust vp for a roge and that onelie knowne to his companions Indeede I denie not anie one of these happes were likelie enough to haue befalne him and not without his iust deserts and most men say it was well enough which way soeuer of these hee ended and worse if worse might bee Howbeit it was not that so well as they do ween for being perhappes reserued for his two sonnes hereafter but neither better nor worse than I will tell you Martin Iunior his sonne who knoweth the truth as no man better yet loath to haue it published for that it toucheth his and his friends credite verie neerelie seeketh to shadowe it with other some-saies and that you may knowe him to be no bastard though perhappes yet base begotten for euen at this Age he doubteth who was his Father and therefore must we take him to bee terrae filius not so much as one word true Some saie quoth he that he died at the Groyne in seruice of her Maiestie and his Countrie But what saith Martin Senior his sonne and heire and this mans brother to that He die at the Groyne nay heele be hanged erthe die there Loe Martin Iunior your bigger brother besides the reuerend remembrance of his deare Father giues ye the flat lie for that he died not there And no maruaile For he neuer liued in the seruice of her Maiestie and therefore who wil beleeue he died in it He neuer carried so good a mind to his Prince and Countrie faithfullie to fight for it that would so spitefullie write against it and seeke so wickedlie to vndermine it whose ouerthrowe he sought in his kinde at home as hotlie with his shot of inke paper as the master of the Groyne did abroad with his of powder and pellet And therefore say no more so Petrie Martin no man will beleeue it neither haue Those others you talke of The man in the moone belike and the carter of Charles waine any iust Motiues inducing them to be of that minde Indeed there died many an honester man and much more profitable members of the Common wealth the greater though our griefe yet their glorie that valiantlie triumphed ouer their cowardlie enemies and constantly rendred their liues in their Princes countries seruice which none of you all will euer either liue or dye in and if Martin your father you two Martins his sonnes and your mates had excused them it had been a great good turne both for the Prince and countrie especiallie there where one trouble State might haue plaied vpon another and so a good riddance made of both together After this as knowing himselfe how ridiculous a suppose that is he requireth in scorne of his N●nkaes the BB. see how like the old Ape this young Munkey pattereth whether they haue not el●selie murdered the Gentleman in some of their Prisons and strangled him knowing him to haue kept himselfe farre enough from their fingers as these youthes themselues minding to be neither valiant Martins though they like lustie Martins talke so much of venturing their liues in the quarrel vaunt them selues to bee the best subiects of the Realme nor constant confessors though they bragge so much of the goodnes of their cause which they gloriouslie guild with the fl●●nting phrase of Sinceritie and damme others to the deepe pit of hell for not aduancing it doo and wil doo I warrant them and they be not caught in the snatch against their will for feare of a Lambathisme which of all things in the world they cannot abide Howbeit pretie youth I must needes confesse the Tippet you talke of as il as he loues them was verie due vnto thē though a much meaner man than any of those might haue fitted his neck withall and you his sonne your faire brother withall as good a gentleman as he may liue to enioy it and that as your right by course of lawe being a portion of the inheritance that your father l●ft vnto you But it seemeth your father was not borne vnto it for that he died not possessed of it the more is the pitie but purchased it since belike by his owne penie Or haue you not