THE FOND-HUSBAND OR The PLOTTING SISTERS ACT I. Scene 1. A Dining-Room a Table Shuttle-Cock and Battle-Dor's Rashley and Emilia sitting Betty sings IN vain Cruel Nymph you my Passion despise And slight a Poor Lover that languishing dies Though Fortune my Name with no Titles endow'd Yet fierce is my Passion and warm is my Blood Delay in Affection exalts an Amour For he that loves often will soonest give o'er 2. But Vigorous and Young I 'll flee to thy Arms Infusing my Soul in Elizium of Charms A Monarch I 'll be when I lie by thy side And thy pretty Hand my Scepter shall guide Till cloy'd with delight you confess with a Ioy No Monarch so happy so pleasant as I. Rashley BY Heav'n There 's nothing so dear to a free and generous Spirit as this roving and uncontroul'd way of Love Me thinks we live like Angels and every Kiss brings a new life of pleasure Emilia You have reason to believe I think so for suffering this early Visit from you in my Husbands absence who poor Man went from me by break of day to see a Horse-Race a Mile beyond High-Gate Rashley Nay I confess 't is a sign of your kind resentment of my passion Oh Heav'n that happy thought has made me all rapture I 'll cherish it Madam as I would my Youth or the best of all my Sences the Sence of Feeling Emilia Cherish it rather as the means of keeping our love from my Husbands knowledge Well! I swear the thought of my indirect plot sometimes makes me very melancholy Rashley Melancholy Fie Madam banish such thoughts for ever from your breast If you are melancholy now what would you have done if I had not known you when the Clog of your Conscience I mean your Husband would have been your perpetual plague and given you cause for more melancholy than the contrivance of the plots you speak of Emil. Ay but to break a Vow Sir a Vow Little do you think what 't is to break a Vow Rashley Little do I think Madam I thought you had known me so much a Gentleman to imagine I know what belongs to the breaking a Vow as well as another man To undeceive you I have broke twenty Vows that is unnecessary Vows such as yours are nay and without a scruple of Conscience I thank my Stars I 'm of a tougher Constitution Emil. Besides you consider not the other inconveniences you know my Husband's Sister Maria loves you and is of that untam'd malicious nature that she 'll revenge my invading her propriety in your heart by discovering our love to my Husband I know she plots it hourly and tho' her pretence is the Honour of our Family her real design is through her love to you Rashley Never doubt your Husband Madam he has so strange a confidence in my fidelity that to possess him otherwise were utterly to take away the little sence is left him You know he brought me to lodge in his house which prudently I refus'd at first and seemingly fled from the Heav'n I desir'd to make him more importunate Since I came here you know how he has carrest me and to colour my design and divert you have feign'd a Mistriss in this quarter of the Town and then as if I spoke of her have told him all that has past betwixt my self and you at which the good-natur'd Creature has laught extreamly and wisht me good luck a thousand times and can we now doubt further success By Heav'n we cannot Madam Emilia Then you know there 's another great obstacle Ned Ranger has long profest a passion for me and doubtless is not ignorant that my love for you is the cause of his no better success A jealous man sees more than twenty others and 't will be very necessary for us to be careful of so dang'rous an Enemy Rashley Dang'rous not at all Madam never think him so success which animates the Hero and leads him on to greater enterprizes than before he durst attempt has cherisht hopes in me Let me alone with him and for thy part Igad I 'll turn thee loose to any Female-Devil on this side Lapland either for plot or repartée Emilia Yet still I fear the worst Rashley Fear nothing Madam Fear is the worst of passions and incident to base not noble Hearts besides our love consider'd rightly is a second-rate Innocence where affection not duty bears prerogative 't is the great and primitive bus'ness of our Souls suspition and fear came in by the by Enter Betty Betty Madam Mr. Ranger in spite of my resistance has rudely prest into the House and is just coming hither Emilia Call up the Footmen Lock the door Enter Ranger Ranger Stand still Mrs. Jilt or I shall spoil your door-keeping hereafter Iack Rashley here Hell and the Devil To Betty Emilia What insolence is this pray Sir your business Ranger Only my zeal Madam to give you notice of an approaching danger Your Husband has so intangl'd his Horns yonder in a Hawthorn-Bush that 't is to be fear'd without immediate help he will lose the decent and commodious ornament of his Forehead Emilia Most impudent of men how dare you talk thus Ranger Most infamous of women how dare you do thus Rashley Do what Sir Emilia Hold and as you love me move no farther Basest of men have you the folly to believe this way can prove beneficial to your love No I hate thee mortally nor shall thy malice from henceforth be successful I 'll disarm it and when thou thinkest thy plots are surest laid be sure of a surprize Ranger O infamy 'Sdeath is your Forehead Steel and is your Skin of that obdurate temper you cannot force a Blush into your Cheeks at the confession of your obscene Crime How great a Friend to Hell is Impudence Emilia Pray Sir forgive him 't is an insipid Fellow that I am often troubled with and believe his insolence for the future shall be prevented in the mean time to express my gratitude give me leave to present you with this Necklace this Ring too will fit your Finger nay and swear you shan't refuse 'em my Husband gives me often such as these 't is all the good I get by him Ranger Very well the blessing of a wife let all men judge What envious Fiend to plague me makes me love this Creature Rash. I will preserve your favours as my life your memory shall possess my Soul and all your charms live ever in my sight My kindest sweetest dearest Kisses her hand Rang. Death and Damnation must I stay and see this Madam this modest carriage before a jealous Lover makes Emil. Little for your contentment I doubt not Sir But 't is a fate proper enough for such busie and inquisitive persons Rash. Fa la la la la. Sings Rang. Go you are a Devil so far from being a Woman that I begin to doubt whether Nature had any hand in your Creation Is 't not enough Vile Creature that I know
defective in sence as your Husband is But what bus'ness can your Sister have with you The Devil and She have been plotting together about this Intrigue Emil. Let 'em plot I am so much her Sister that my part shall never be wanting to furnish the Comedy I 'll go to her strait in the mean time be you sure to play your part with him Hark! I hear him coming Naise within Exit Rash Well! I never thought a Woman till now so necessary a Creature Intrigues are their Master-pieces and as readily they undertake 'em as a Country-Lawyer a bad Cause from a half-witted Client 't would be excellent sport to hear the two She-Wolves bark one at another but since I cannot be there I 'll divert my self with entertaining the Fool her Husband Here he comes Now to my studied posture Enter Bubble Bubb. Why how now Tom What all-a-mort In verity this is Foppery as Sir Roger says Come cheer up cheer up Man and hold up thy head in troth thou makest me sad to see the look so like so like a Gammon of Bacon There I was sharp upon him Ha ha a good jest afaith Rash. Dam him what a simile the Fool has found out Aside Sir it lies not in any mans power to banish serious thoughts at all times Besides I have some cause for my present melancholy Bubb. The cause Come come Tom I know the cause ha ha You thought I warrant to have carried matters so privately but if I once go about such a business there 's ne'er a man in Christendom tho' I say it can find out a cause sooner than I. Rash. You may be mistaken in mine Sir for all that Bubb. Mistaken ha ha I see Tom thou knowest not what 't is to be ingenious I tell thee once more I do know the cause the very cause I and more then that the cause of that cause ' Sbud there 's ne'er an Attorney in the Inns of Court knows more causes than I do Rash. I doubt not but in the end you 'll be brought to confess your self too positive in this particular but since you have such an excellent faculty and imagine your self so well skill'd in finding out secrets come what is 't what is 't Bubb. What is 't Why ha ha ha My Wife my Wife Tom and you 're faln out ha ha ha have I mumpt you now ifaith Rash. I must confess you are in the right Sir Bubb. O must you so Sir What a pox I warrant you thought we Husbands had no wit but what our Wives lend us But I would have you to know Tom that I am a Leviathan at these matters to be plain that is as much as to say a Whale Rash. I am sufficiently convinc'd of your excellent judgment Sir and as I have confest to you freely the cause of my sadness to be your Wives ill usage of me so I am continually tortur'd to guess the reason for I am confident Sir you know I always honour'd her and lov'd her Bubb. Faith so thou didst I 'll say that for thee and by the Lord Harry she shall love and honour thee too or I 'll be very sharp upon her I 'll pinch her severely faith for all she 's my Chicken nay if she ll be still refractory rather then fail thou shalt pinch her too Tom. I am not like your surly-burly-waspish-cross-grain'd Fellows that fall out and fight about their Wives ' Sbud I 'll give my friend leave at any time to chastise my Wife if she don't behave her self civilly Rash. You ever load me with your kind expressions Dear Friend Bubb. Dear Dom Faith thou' rt an honest Fellow Embrace Rash. This ever is the fate of Cuckolds Aside Bubb. Never doubt I 'll bring you together agen with a vengeance nay I can tell you the reason of her anger too if I thought 't were convenient Rash. Convenient Why Sir 't is the only thing that conduces to my contentment for I have long studied in vain and could never yet so much as guess at it Let me beg it of you Sir come I 'm sure you cannot deny so near a Friend Bubb. Ifaith I cannot that 's the truth on 't and thou shalt have it Why you must know Tom one night when I was examining her about you she told me very seriously that the cause of her anger was that you promis'd to give her a Squirril that night and never kept your word and she loves Squirrils passionately Rash. 'T is true I confess I did promise her but as the Devil would have it I was disappointed utterly of my Squirril that night my self for I got very drunk and from thence sprung this fatal consequence Bubb. Pugh no matter I 'll warrant thee I 'll bring all about again Rash. Oh 't is impossible I am sure she 'll near be brought to 't Bubb. Not brought to 't Yes I 'll lay my commands upon her and I 'll have you know she shall be brought to 't I 'll lay a Wager I 'll reconcile you both before night Rash. Done any Wager Bubb. What shall it be Rash. Why Five Guinneys to be spent in a Treat of Ven'son and Champaine Bubb. Agreed ifaith and we 'll drink and sing Tory-Rory Not reconcile you You shall be all one before to morrow-morning I have a spell for that I 'll do 't I say come along Boy Rash. A petty Friend for pimping we applaud But of all Men a Husband 's the best Bawd Exit Scene 3. Enter Sir Roger Cordelia Sneak. Sir Rog. MAdam You as being the Niece to Mr. Peregrine truly deserve the favour I intend you by this Alliance You are a handsom Woman and in verity were I a young Man none shou'd be more forward than I for a place in your affection I like your Air well and upon my Faith you have the right way on 't Ah! Madam I once saw the days when such an Eye as yours Well I say no more on 't 't is for my Nephew now I make addresses you see what he is Madam His Face is none of the worst nor his Person I think any way defective In brief Madam I present him to you nor shall he want an Estate to make him worthy Cord. 'T is well he nam'd an Estate to Candy over his bitter Pill my squeamish Stomach would else have hardly digested it Lord how he looks Sir Rog Cob go prethee go and make your address to the Lady He 's newly come from the Colledge Madam and is as the rest of 'em are a little bashful at first but by that time h 'as seen a Play or two Cord. Me thinks this silence becomes him very well Sir A Student should always be contemplative 't is a great sign of Learning Sir Rog. 'T is a sign he thinks the more But Madam Ladies of this Age are not to be won with Imaginary Courtship 't is the practick part they love and he that can sing well dance well talk well rhime
dim that he perceives not his mistake They step aside Fumb. Delays Sweet-heart are dang'rous ifack I have consider'd it The time I have liv'd in the World has given me the benefit of knowing more than another of fewer minutes Along along I say thou shalt be my Queen my Paramour my Cleopatra and I will live another Age in Love and then farewel old Simon ifack Come come along Gov. Oh sadness what happy fortune 's this Well I 'll go with him pray Heav'n he be blind enough that 's all I fear Fumb. She seems kinder than usual ifack I have wrought her finely Come poor Rogue come Gov. I am ready Sir this was a happy hour And if it hit but right I 'm made for ever Exeunt Sir Roger and Cordelia re-enter Cord. Ha ha I am glad I am rid of him any way but now Sir Roger to your bus'ness I hear your Nephew is sick Sir Rog. In verity Madam most dangerously sick and the cause of my giving you this trouble was in verity to give you information of it for by his melancholy I find love is the cause Ah Madam your last indifference was very prejudicial to him 'T is true he denies it but I am old enough to judge of the contrary and therefore have found out 't is Passion nay Passion for you has laid him thus low and nothing but your smiles can raise him 't is gone so far in verity Cord. I am sorry Sir I have the misfortune to be th' occasion of such a disaster but is there any remedy what would you have me do Sir Rog. Madam my suit to you is that you would be pleas'd to go with me and give him a visit the surprize of your presence I am confident will dissipate his melancholy and perhaps totally banish his distemper Enter Maria. But I see we are interrupted let 's retire Madam and if you please now will be a very good time to visit him Cord. Softly Sir I would not have my Cozen Maria know any thing of it but if that can do him any good I 'll not be so cruel to deny it 't is an act of charity Come Sir I 'll go with you Sir Rog. Madam you oblige us both Exeunt Mar. Still baffled sure this cannot last long the Devil will be weary of obliging her in a little time I have been yonder sifting Ranger about the last plot and by all circumstances find what he said was true and shall I leave off thus poorly Pish I cannot for shame I have Truth and Honesty on my side she 's only cunning and 't is impossible that shou'd last ever Once more then have at 'em I have by several false messages buz'd it again into my Brothers ears he believes and will once more follow my counsel besides I have here a false Key to her Chamber and can surprize 'em when they least suspect this if Ranger be at all diligent must needs effect it for I am resolv'd not to rest till 't is done for the satisfaction of my revenge on that false man Ex. Maria. Enter Apothecary and Sneak in a Night-Gown Sneak. Uh! Uh! Apoth Nay Sir if you would have the effects answer your expectation you must suffer Sir and be patient Sneak. ' Ounds I cannot have patience Sure a civil Clap might be cured without all this stir 'T is not a Miracle in this age Oh Lord Enter Sir Roger and Cordelia Sir Rog. O horrible what 's this I see Sneak. My Uncle Oh I am undone lost for ever Apoth But Sir your civil Clap might ha' been an uncivil Pox in time Cord. How Sir Roger was it fit to make me Spectator of this object Sir Rog. The Pox In verity I have brought his Mistriss to fine purpose Ah damn'd Rascal The Pox what shall I do I am disgrac'd for ever Aside Cord. Hark ye Sir pray what is that there Pointing to a Sweating-Chair within Sir Rog. What shall I say Death she has found out his Sweating-Chair Why Madam 't is umph 't is a Mathematical Engine they use at Cambridge Cob was always addicted to study Cord. 'T were a fault to hinder him then Sir being so well employ'd Farewel Ex. Cord. Sir Rog. She has found it out Sirrah see my face no more from this hour I abhor thee a damn'd Rascal Sneak. Good Uncle Sir Rog. The Pox A sneaking sniveling Rogue Heav'ns was ever the like seen But 't is now a general Maxim and your Sandy Sheeps-face unthinking Villain is always the greatest Whoremaster Sneak. Why by Ierico it was by chance Uncle Hab-nab as a man may say As I hope to be sav'd 't was against my will Apoth Sir your anger makes an addition to his distemper Sir Rog. What you are his Pandar Sir are you but I think you may be the Devil for your honesty so may ye all such as you sooth 'em in Vices I warrant you are tired with such Customers Ha Sir are you not Apoth In troth Sir my rotten Patients are so loath to die and my sound ones which for my Arts improvement I would make rotten so hasty to recover that I confess I am often weary but not tir'd Sir Sir Rog. So Sir in verity you are all a company of Rascals and as for his part I 'll instantly write to his Father to disinherit him that I may revenge my disgrace and punish his folly The Pox a Son of a Whore the Pox Exit Apoth A mad old Fellow but your penitence will recover all Sneak. Wou'd you were hang'd by Ierico for leaving the door open Oh what shall I do This comes of learning the Sciences in the Devils name Apoth Patience Sir have patience Scene shuts Ex. Enter Rashley Emilia and Betty Rash. A Trap-door say you Madam Emil. Yes we happily discover'd it yesterday looking for a Ring accidentally dropt it opens upon the Stairs the backside of the Kitchin I am sure 't will be very necessary in our Intrigue Here take the Candle you and go and watch and when I give the sign be sure be ready Betty I 'll not fail Madam Emil. 'T is good to be secure for I know Maria has still an eye over us and my Husbands new jealousie gives me fresh cause of doubt Rash. Igad 't is unnecessary This Trap-door must needs be very useful I see Fortune is ours still and will not leave us Let us doubt when we see danger there is none now nor can be whilst our love continues Emil. Which I fear will be but a short time for what is indirect is seldom permanent therefore let us consider on 't Rash. Dam Consideration 'T is a worse Enemy to Mankind than Malice Let impotent Age consider that is fit for nothing but dull tame thoughts of what he has been formerly Let the Lawyer and Physitian consider what Quibbles and what Potions are most necessary And let the flie Phanatick think his time out and consider how to be securely factious But let the Lover
A Fond Husband OR The Plotting Sisters A COMEDY As it is Acted at His Royal Highness THE DUKE's Theatre Haec dum incipias gravia sunt dumque ignores ubi cognôris facilia Terent. Written by THO. DURFEY Gent. Licensed Iune 15. 1676. ROGER L'ESTRANGE LONDON Printed by T. N. for Iames Magnes and Rich. Bentley in Russel-street in Covent-Garden near the Piazza's 1677. To His GRACE The Duke of Ormond Lord Steward of His Majesties Houshold Knight of the Noble Order of the Garter One of His MAJESTIES most Honourable Privy Council c. May it please your GRACE THE Arrogance a Poet may be guilty of in a Dedication often brings him more terror than his fear for the success of his Play and I always thought the Frowns of an offended Patron a greater Punishment than the Censures of the Partial Criticks But the Sin of Confidence is so natural to a young Poet and so suitable to his Character and Business that an Excuse or Reproof as it would be extreamly unnecessary so it might perhaps be a hinderance to his Fortune My sence of this has encourag'd me to present this Comedy to your Grace with this humble Suit That as it has indifferently past in the Opinion of the Town it may have the Honour to stand as Neuter in your Graces Favour The greatest Confidence of a Poet can ask no more nor can you My Lord Govern'd by your Excellent Temper grant less This I know I need not repeat nor urge a second time For who ever yet made an Humble Address to your Grace that went away unsatisfied You are so far from Singularity so Nobly Iust and so unwearied in doing good that to Pen your Applause were as impossible a work as to Pen the Actions of your Life every hour producing some memorable thing as an Addition to the Volume My Lord 'T is not only my particular Grief but every ones for your Graces departure from England And though the great Place of Trust conferred upon you by His Sacred Majesty and which none can be more worthy of gives us proof as well of your Pious Loyalty as Unequal'd Grandeur Yet such an Influence you have gain'd on all Hearts that they had rather the Kingdom of Ireland should lose its Preserver than they so good a Patron This I confess I am most sensible of perhaps having as much cause as any which Relation I 'll smother lest it is thought Interest more than Gratitude makes me resent it If I have presumed too much I have this Excuse That a Dedication to such a Person cannot be VVrit without it and 't is the only Honour a Poet is ambitious of to have a great Name before his Play I confess I was guilty of this and have only this Excuse for the Arrogance of a Dedication That your Grace was pleas'd to favour my Last and that this was VVrit with the same Integrity For the Play I can say nothing only that it was my own though some are pleas'd to doubt the contrary the Scotch Song excepted a part of which was not mine nor do I desire any Reputation from it Be pleased My Lord to forgive this Prolixity and believe my sence of the Honour I have in Addressing to your Grace almost equals the Ambition I shall ever own in Stiling my Self My LORD Your GRACES most Humble and most Obedient Servant THO. DURFEY Drammatis Personae RAshley a Gentleman Friend to Emillia Mr. Smith Ranger his Rival Mr. Harris Perrgrine Bubble A credulous fond Cuckold Husband to Emillia Mr. Iames Nokes Old Fumble a superannuated Alderman that dotes on Black Women He 's very deaf and almost blind and seeking to cover his imperfection of not hearing what is said to him answers quite contrary Mr. Anth. Leigh Sir Roger Petulant a jolly old Knight of the last Age. Mr. Sandford Sneak Nephew to Sir Roger a young raw Student Mr. Ievan Spatterdash Servant to Fumble Mr. Richards Ieremy Servant to Rashley Apothecary Mr. Percival Emillia Wife to Bubble Mr. Barrer Maria Sister to Bubble Mrs. Marshal Cordelia Niece to Bubble Mrs. Hughes Betty Woman to Emillia Mrs. Napper Governess Mrs. Norrice Servants and Attendants Some Books Printed for James Magnes and Richard Bentley PLato's Apology of Socrates or Phedâ— Two Dialogues concerning the Immortality of Mans Soul A Natural History of the Passions Country Wit Sophonisba Nero. Augustus Caesar. Abdellazar Sir Timothy Tawdery Madam Fickle All Mistaken English Monsieur Tartuff Andromache Calistâ—â— Forced Marriage The Fool turned Critick In the Press The second Part of the Happy Slave In the Press Moral Essays the second Part. In the Press English Novels New Zelinda Count Brion Happy Slave French Novels Princess Monferat L' Heureux Esclave L' Heureux Esclave Second Part. L' Heureux Esclave troisieme Part. In the Press A French Play Acted at Whitehall Entituled Rare-en-tout The Disorders of Love In the Press The Destruction of Ierusalem by Titus Vespatian in two Parts The Rival Queens or the Death of Alexander the Great The Plain-Dealer by Mr. Wicherley Madam Fickle or the Witty False One. A Fond Husband or the Plotting Sisters All these six last have been Printed these two last Terms The Education of a Prince being the second Volume of the Moral Essays is now in the Press Prologue IF Plot and Bus'ness Comical and New Could please the Criticks that sit here to view The Poet might have thought this Play would do But in this Age Design no praise can get You cry it Conversation wants and Wit As if the Obvious Rules of Comedy Were only dull Grimace and Repartée Such Sirs have been your Darlings prov'd of late The Author therefore careless of his Fate And knowing Wit a Chattle hardly got Has ventur'd his whole Stock upon a Plot He says a Mock-Song or a Smutty Tale Can please the Town and why not this prevail I friendly told him all that I could say Was that your Fancies lean'd the other way And you lov'd Wenching better than his Play For th' Body still you Luxury prepare But let the Mind be desolate and bare Thus lose your selves in the Worlds prudent thought Then strive to get Reprieve by finding fault A Critick is a Monster that can sway Only o'er Ignorance and yet dares prey Upon that Power that form'd him out of Clay Adulterate Age where Prudence is a Vice And Wit 's as scandalous as Avarice Yet in despight of this y' are Poets too And what two Fops rail at a third shall do Upon our Priviledges you incroach And with dull Rhimes the Noble Art debauch For Writing Plays you scorn a Poets Name A Bawdy Song 's enough to get you fame Where midst the Reputation that is due You will be sure no man shall censure you Yet though your Faction does infest the Town There is a wise Cabal dares judge and own Desert and Wit and our Endeavours Crown To these we humbly Dedicate our Plays Whilst at their Feet our Poets throw their Bays
Bob for you by way of Repartée Bubb. Cuckold I 'd have you to know I scorn your words and were you not my Sister I 'd fetch you out with your Repartées What because you are a Fool you guess all persons are alike Do you but conceive me Mrs. Iuniper I am a Turk at matter of fact when I see occasion Rang. Good Sir no more of this but go down and satisfie your self in the truth of my Story if I tell you a Lye call me Fool Horse any thing do but go and see Bubb. ' Sbud I know not what to do One brings me up another carries me down one jilts me another abuses me a third laughs at me and yet I find nothing nor see nothing nor know nothing and you are nothing but Fools to make all this stir about nothing But come I 'll go with thee Ned. Mar. And I that I may say once in my life I saw a Miracle Rang. I have her once more in the Noose of the slip now the Devil hold her fast in th' other World 'T is above mortal power Come Sir Exeunt Scene 4. Enter Rashley and Emilia in Night-Gowns Betty Jeremy Emil. HEre here quickly take my Night-Gown and put it on you are sure they are coming Betty Very sure Madam I stood at the door and heard all Rash. What must I do Sweet Prethee do not let us be surpriz'd agen Emil. Uncase uncase Sir and let your Man represent you as Betty does me Ieremy be sure you play your part well and Court her to the life Put on the Gowns Rash. D' ee hear Sirrah Ier. I 'll warrant you Sir Come Mrs. Betty Emil. Stay a word more in thy ear I see this Fellow is but a Blockhead and therefore am afraid of trusting him too far Keep him as ignorant of our Intrigue as thou canst and if my Husband ask where I am tell him I am gone to visit my Lady Courtly I 'll be in my Chamber and when they are all gone bring me word what Ranger and Maria are doing Betty Yes Madam I 'll be very careful Rash. I will reward thy care my pretty little Emil. Hark! I hear 'em coming now to your postures Noise Ex. Rashley and Emilia Ier. Now Mrs. Betty we having so fit an occasion let us make Love in some Heroick Vein Betty No I am for the plain-dealing way Ier. Pish t'others a great deal better as thus Your Eyes with so bright Charms are deckt about That I could kiss 'em till I kist 'em out Betty Oh I hate that I vow 't is very silly Enter Ranger Bubble and Maria. Rang. There there Sir D' ee see 'em now will you believe next time Bubb. O dismal Object I am a Cuckold then Mar. This is miraculous how was it possible they cou'd get hither But I am glad they are here however Bubb. Now for a good full blow at his head before he sees me 't is a Cuckolds way of revenge I 'm sure Have at him Offers to strike Ier. Oh Lord what mean you Sir what mean you Bubb. Traytor Rogue Rascal I 'll Hah Ieremy Ier. Ay Sir 't is I poor Ieremy Sir Mar. And Betty in her Mistrisses Night-Gown Ranger's amaz'd Rang. Their old Friend the Devil has fetcht 'em away agen Bubb. What make you here in their Night-Gowns Betty Only Sir through an ambition to make Love as Gentilely as we cou'd Bubb. Go go and find your Mistriss out and tell her Her humble Servant and Husband desires to speak with her Look ye Ned you are a Fool I see Rang. I am so Sir I acknowledge it Bubb. And you Madam are a little leaning that way are ye not Mar. I can say nothing for my self Sir Bubb. Then I can say y' are a Couple of Fools Did I not tell you what all this wou'd come to Ha ha ha It makes me laugh to think how busie you two Asses have been about nothing and I am no better than a third Fool for believing you But from henceforth he that speaks against my Chickens Vertue is the Son of a Whore for ' Uds Bood she 's the honestest Woman in Christendom and he that denies it I will immediately invade him with Battle-Ax Poinard and Pistol Rang. She is a very Saint Sir Mar. A very Devil Sir O Death is there no remedy Bubb. I 'll go instantly and reconcile my self to her with a strict Vow never to doubt her more Oh Sir Roger welcome Enter Sir Roger and Cordelia Faith I was wishing for some good Company to be Witness of my Reconcilement to my dear Chicken You are melancholy Sir I heard your Nephew was sick I suppose that 's the cause Sir Rog. If he has heard of what I am disgrac'd for ever Bubb. Come Sir cheer up cheer up he will be well agen doubt not Sir Rog. I hope so Sir Madam this Generous Act of concealing the infamy of our Family has so wrought upon me that if I cou'd requite Cord. No more Sir Your Nephews forbearance is all I desire You are sensible now that I have some reason to request that Sir Rog. I am Madam and am extreamly bound to your Generosity and Gad I have another Nephew whom I 'll make better by 200 l. a year to make you amends Well Mr. Bubble I am glad to come at so good a time when mirth is going forward you are a merry man Sir and in verity I like your company Bubb. And I yours Sir Roger for I am very merry for some private reason best known to my self We 'll toss a Bumper about by and by Faith Enter Fumble pushing in Governess Fumb. An old Cronee a Sorceress What ifack and in the Devils Name am I to be popt in the mouth with Fourscore and Twelve A Beldame a Witch that expects next Winter to be turn'd into a Gib-Cat thought fit to be yok'd with me No no some wiser than some and I 'll have her know within this week that I am as fit for Two and Twenty as Two and Twenty is for me In the mean time avaunt Iezabel I like thee not Icod thou hast no black o' Top ifack thou art not for my turn Bubb. What old Signior Fumble what 's the matter Man Fumb. Yes marry am I Sir and chows'd damnably too and some shall know 't when I can find ' em Cord. He 's groping for his Spectacles now I expect to be rated Fumb. Ah are you there Rogue are you there Why you very Wag wou'd you offer to serve me so But hang thee thou' rt a Rogue and come ifack tho' 't was a Knavish Trick I am pleas'd with the Wit on 't Give me thy hand and come and kiss me and all shall be well agen Cord. Upon condition you never trouble me more there ' t is Fumb. Icod she has a pretty Touch with her she has ifack I forgive thee with all my heart Well old Woman depart in peace old Woman I say depart and trouble me