Devil that they do you no hurt Then be sure to keep your Chamber it will keep you I kept mine many a long year and nothing came But at last Thanks to my Stars and these good Times it came to the purpose Ty. Yes Sir I know this to be true for my Mother would be continually preaching this Lesson to my Father Ru. Then you must never examine your Cause whither it be good or bad If it be good and of no great concernment it will carry it self If bad there 's your Master-piece to help it out Every Fool can manage a good Cause but He 's your Man can set the Nose to which side he pleases and make something out of nothing Ty. I hope I shall have the grace to put it in practice and wish my Father were alive to thank you Ru. Then if at any time you find you have the worst end of the staffe Leave your Cause and fall upon the person of your Adversary Put it out boldly and enough of 't and somewhat must stick No matter how true or false it begets a prejudice to the person and many times forjudges the Cause For Example now to give you an instance in a Gentleman a friend of mine a great Master of this way of pleading A Gentleman with a long comely beard demurrs to his Clients Bill My friend takes him at first hop and demurrs to his beard calls it a Vow-beard and that he had made an Oath not to cut it till the King came in And heark you had he had Twenty Arguments he might have better spar'd the other Nineteen than that One I could tell you of as good a one of my own and upon as great a Person as any this day in Europe Ah! how I firk't him up with a Chip of the old Block and Twenty as good But enough of this now The thing is sufficiently known and it ill becomes a man to set out his own Vertues But try this and do it boldly and never doubt of Clients A modest Lawyer A silent Woman A Paradox in Nature Ty. I can but thank you still Sir Ru. I had almost forgot one thing and no way inferiour to any of the rest If you find any Commotion in the State be sure to strike in with the first If you get nothing Cantabit vacuus You 'll pass in the Crowd If you do you 'll have money enough to purchase your pardon and perhaps too get in to be some great mans Advocate Chew the Cud upon this for the present and as I find you growing up to 't I shall instruct you farther Exeunt ACT. I. SCE. 5. Enter Whitebroth Coughing Mrs. Whitebroth Beatrice Cis Timothy laden with Books Wh. I Do profess this Mr. Scruple is a singular man M. W. I indeed is he I never edify'd under any man like him But how d' you my Lamb How d' you Tim. A vengeance over grown one I have seen many a Ram in my time has not been so big by the head and the horns Aside Whitebroth Coughs all the while Bea. How do you Sir You don't look well Wh. Nothing but a Cold my Child nothing but a Cold I hope ' twill away again He Coughs again M. W. Cis Cis A stick of Licoras Cis. Enter D. D. and his wife Cis. I have some Candid Ginger forsooth M. W. Here Chick prithee bite a bit of 't 't is the most soveraign thing next a Pepper posset as can be D. D. Save your good Worship It fell in an ill time I am afraid it may beget an obstruction of justice by hindring your Worships sitting on the Bench. Wh. How d' you Neighbours both How d' you you 're welcome Coughs I am afraid I sate a little too long in the cold Again Come Neighbour Diligence you and I 'll walk in and leave the Women to entertain Mr. Scruple D. D. I wait upon your Worship Exeunt Wh. D. D. M. W. Timothy Tim. Madam M. W. Quickly good Timothy quickly Run in and get the Towels ready After good Cis after him and see they be through warm Exeunt Tim. Cis. Enter Scruple Oh Mr. Scruple Mr. Scruple Alas good man how he sweats Tim. Tim. Tim. A Towel Tim a Towel quick quick quick Enter Tim. Tim. Here forsooth M. D. Now blessing o' your heart good Mr. Scruple you have taken a great deal of pains to day Tim. Or his Lungs have which is all one Aside M. W. Truly and indeed a great Pains-taker They pull him down into a low Chair and rub him Come Mr. Scruple You have stood long to day Pray sit down We must Rule you here Will you have a Caudle Sir Alas poor man How wet the Collar of his Shirt is Feel Diligence I prithee feel M. D. Now beshrew me but 't ' as work 't quite through his Doublet Coat Cloak and all Sc. Hum I am refreshed yea in good sooth I am M. W. Will you have a Lemmon Posset Sir Sc. I fear me it is too cold M. W. Will you go to Bed Sir Or have a fresh Shirt How do you Sir Tim. Troth very ill upon a Text. Aside Sc. I am well enough only a qualm a qualm M. W. What say you to your Collar of S' S. then Sc. That would not be amiss There 's no false Latine in 't M. W. Quickly Tim quickly A Pint of Sack a Quart of Sider and a handful or two of Sugar and put 'um into the great Bowle Run Timothy Run Dear Child do thou help him Tim. Call you me this his Collar of S' S Aside You shall have it presently Exeunt Tim. and Bea. M. D. I am afraid you are not well Sir Sc. Yes I am so so You would not think how 't has recover'd me one would hardly believe what a rejoycing to my spirit it is to see you thus eager and as it were hungry for your food Ah-Be the same still you cannot lay out your selves nor I my self forth enough in these wayes Pray mark it We cannot lay out our selves forth enough one to another These often Duties put us into a spiritual posture of War Ah It is best fighting together Ah What a precious thing it is when we are both concern'd together and Ah Ah as a man may say wrap't up in one common Cause and Interest Ah Good sisterly women consider it and lay it upon your hearts The women answer him in a long drawn sigh Hui But how does Mr. Alderman Methought I heard him Cough ere while How does he M. W. Now indeed I think he sate a little too long in the cold He has gotten a heavy Cough of 't Sc. To see the frailty of mans Nature How weary of every thing that is good How irksom it is unto us I dare undertake he should have sate at a lewd Stage-play a whole Afternoon Nay with his Hat off too and Ah been nev'r the worse M. W. But are these Stage-playes such lewd things as you make them Sc. Why truly you are
cannot miscarry if you would Exeunt ACT. III. SCE. 2. Enter Whitebroth Timothy Tim. I Am glad to see your Worship tread so lustie and strong again I hope you 'll be the better for 't Wh. I Tim. 'T would have vex'ta man to have just got an Estate and strait pipt o're the Pearch e're he had time to look upon 't Mr. Scruple put divers things very home to me and 't was ten to one but all had come out but that I thought with myself there was no such need yet Come Tim. leave that and let 's see how Affairs stand at present How have you done with your rotten Raisons Did they yield well Tim. Troth Sir the Wine-coopers have done their part They have made you at least 60 Pipes of Wine out of 'um But they advise your Worship to get your money for 'um before they stir out of your Cellar for however they may be palatable enough as long as they lie there yet as soon as you stir'um they 'll kick up their Heels Wh. Good enough to be pist against a Wall an' they were worse And now I think on 't you remember the Countrey Vintner that bought the Pipe of Canarie on Shipboard and gave it the Rascal mark to cheat the Custom-house See it be Cran'd off into another Pipe and fill'd up again with your New what d' you call it 'T is good enough for sinners If he discover it you may tell him 't is his own mark Tim. It shall be done Sir But Sir Mr. Spendall was to have waited on you yesterday touching a Bond of his of 500 l. which he sayes is paid and you promis't to deliver up Wh. O Ho! Let me see Here 't is He reads If the said Spendall shall content satisfie or pay c. Why see The condition of the obligation which is made for his benefit and not mine sayes If he shall content Pray tell him notwithstanding the payment of the money his Bond is forfeited for I am not contented Does he think I can be content with 6. per Cent I have no more to say to him I 'll take my course Pray mind your own business Have you receiv'd the Jews money and sent him the Pack of Left-handed Gloves I order d you Tim. Yes Sir 'T is done Wh. Put tricks upon me Make me buy a round parcel of Gloves and now you know I have 'um by me if I will not bate a third part of the money you have occasion but for half of 'um and be hang'd I 'll Jew you with a Horse-pox I have receiv'd half your money and you shall have half the Gloves that is to say all the Left-handed ones You may chance to truck 'um off with maim'd Souldiers if not I 'll make you pay sawce for t'other Reach me that Book And while I remember it go into my Chamber and upon the Table you 'll find a 1000 l. in Half-crowns Pray weigh 'um one by one and lay by such as are over weight and see 'um melted down 'T is a hard World and fit every man make the most of his own The Bell rings See Who 's at door Exit Tim. Wh. reads Taken up on Bottomary upon the good Ship call'd the Mary to be paid with interest after the rate of 30 l. per Cent. within ten dayes after her coming to Anchor in the River of Thames 1700 l. So so That 's paid All got She 's sunk at New found-land Besides I have ensur'd a 1000 l. upon her my self How wealth trowles in upon an honest man The Master deserves a 100 l. extraordinary for this and shall have it This is the fifth Ship he has sunk for me Item paid the Irish Army in Peru Dollers I there 's a sweet business Enter Tim. Who 's that Tim. Sir Mr. Afterwitt desires to see you Wh. Stay him a while without I 'll be for him presently Here 's a Squire too will be worth me somewhat Let me see his account Lent his father upon judgment 4000 l. Item More upon a Statute 3000 l. Item upon Mortgage 2500 l. Item upon his own Account upon Bond 500 l. Item more 300 l. Item bound to me for other men 1000 l. Pox o' these Bonds I must perswade him to take another 1000 l. and hedge all into one good Mortgage To see how this World goes round My Great-Grandfather was a wealthy Citizen and left my Grandfather a Gentleman forsooth But what between my Father and him they so order'd the business that they left me nev'r a Groat This Fellows Grandfather was a Law-driver and swallow'd my Father up His Father set the Estate a moving and this will set it quite away His first Ancestor cheated mine and I hope I shall be able to require his love upon his posterity Thus you see the wheel comes round to the same point again This City is like the Sea few Estates but ran of 't at first and will run into 't at last Timothy Enter Tim. Desire my friend to walk in Enter Afterwitt Mr. Afterwitt The welcomest man alive You were wont to come and sit with me But now You 're grown such a Courtier you forget your old friends ' On my Conscience you want money or I had not seen you now Away with 't 'T is all but dirt You shall not want 1000 l as long as I can help you Nay ' an t were 10000. to do you good The son of my old friend Ast. I thank you Sir and shall make use of you But I 'll promise you this was purely visit The Waytes play within Wh. I am the more beholding to you Heark Tim Beat out those Rogues What would they have Tim. They are the Waytes Sir They bid you good morrow every morning and are now come to congratulate your Worships Recovery Wh. I 'll give 'um nothing They are the cause of more Beggars and Bastards When a man would sleep quietly they wake him and be hang'd And then the good Woman plucks him by the Sleeve and cryes Heark Husband Heark The Waytes Heark Come Mr. Afterwitt we 'll out of the noise 'T is as dreadful to me as the last Trump Exeunt ACT. III SCE. 3. Enter Scruple Mrs Whitebroth conducted by a Boy Sc. 'T Is a fine Child I 'll try his Wit How far have you learnt Youth Boy Sententiae Pueriles Sir Sc. A good Boy You may in time come to your Genus and Species Boy I am past that already Quae genus aut flexum variant quocunque novato Ritu deficiunt superantve Heteroclita sunto Sc. A most emphatical description of us sister Whitebroth We are a kind of Heteroclites and oftentimes sav'd even contrary to Rules A witty Child Let 's see Byssus Abyssus How render you that Boy Byssus A bottomless Pit Abyssus A more bottomless Pit Sc. A Child Thou art in the right There is a Great great great Bottomless bottom Indeed there is Boy Please you to give me leave to ask you one word Sc.
do you English it Sc. It matters not Or if it did 't is not the custom But I had almost lost the Argument I say 't was Welch and thus I prove it 'T is confest of all hands That before the confusion of Tongues there was but one language which being so 't is more than probable That Gomer the first Grand-child of Noah and first Ancestor of the Welchmen spake the same language that his Grandfather did and that from him by a continu'd succession it has been deriv'd to them For Example Ask a Welchman at this day what Countrey-man he is he will answer Cymro glân A true Welchman That is to say Gomera glân In like manner for his language Gymeraege quasi Gomeraege both from Gomer And trulie I take the Cimbrians to be much the same Cimbri quasi Cambri quasi Cymri quasi Gomeri And again Mumgumry quasi Mount Gomery the verie seat of Gomer himself Mo. This is Draper Diaper Napkin Nipkin Pipkin King Pepin Sc. Most excellent I see you have study'd Etymolo gy I might yet further and I think without much difficultie make it out That the Mountains of Ararat were Penmenmaure in Wales And the most antient Egyptians originally Welch as may be more than suspected from their Deification of Leeks But I had rather come nearer home What pray were the Galli Senones that sack't Rome Welchmen no doubt The very name speaks it Gallus Guallus or Wallus A Welchman In like manner the Gallo-Graecians under Brennus The same Brennus Brenn or Brenning A King in Welch But what do I go about to prove that which no body dares deny I ll give you but one smart parting blow The red streakt Apple which makes such excellent Sider what was it originallie but the welch Crab Mo. Sir you have shewn your self a person of no ordinary learning And because I see you are a virtuoso Be pleas'd to walk in with me and I may chance to shew you some Rarities not unworthy your perusal And you Madam if you have any commands for me I 'll receive 'um there Sc. We 'll follow you Sir Exeunt ACT. III. SCE. 4. Enter Whitebroth Tyro Timothy Wh. YOu 're welcom Sir And I have heard so well of you from the Doctor our friend That I 'll shew you fair Play Catch her and take her Timothy Tim. Your pleasure Sir Wh. Go bid my Daughter come hither Exit Tim. 'T is a good Girle and will make a good Wife And I hope who ever marries her will be a good Husband to her She will deserve it though I say it Ty. Never fear it Sir If ever I kill her 't will be with kindness My mother would alwayes say Enter Beatrice I was the best natur'd thing Wh. Come hither Beatrice I am going abroad and will leave you to entertain this Gentleman till I come again Bea. I shall obey you Sir Tyro goes backward scraping Wh. Nay to her man Never fall into the Rear when you should charge Ty. I warrant you Sir for one Exit Whit. Tyro strutts Bea. What in the name of Goodness have we here By my Father's last words it should be a Sweetheart forsooth how it strutts like a Crow in a Gutter I have a great mind to hear it speak All this aside Ty. Methinks Madam this is a very fine Room Bea. It cannot be otherwise Sir while you are in it Ty. A las good Madam 'T is your Goodness Truly Pray what a Clock do you count it Bea. He has a mind to shew his Watch But I 'll prevent him Aside 'T is much about four Sir Ty. I have a thing in my Pocket corrects the Sun He pulls out a large brass Watch. Bea. How do you call it good Sir Ty. The Vulgar call it a Watch but according to the learned 't is a Trochleal Horadeixe Bea. He that made it was as little sparing of his stuffe as t'other of his breath that New-christen'd it by so stubborn a Name Ty. Will your Ladiship be pleas'd to accept it I assure you 't is at your service It shall be part of your Parafernalia Bea. By no means Sir You speak in Phrase Ty. Alas Madam 't is the way of the learned Term is three quarters of the Art Here 's this now He points to a wooden Standish I warrant you you would have call'd it an Ink-box or at best a Standish Bea. It appears no other to me at present Ty. Nor yet to me But the word 's too common a Butcher would have said as much Oh no 'T is a ligneous Pixid accomodated with two plumbeous Receptacles or stanueous Repositories for Ink and Sand Or more Laconically An Escritoire Bea. You 're very learned Sir Ty. Thanks to a good Tutor some small foundation I must present you something He takes out a Flagilett What say you to this Your better sort of Gentlemen seldom go without one of 'um in their Pocket Aft. A Suitor say'st thou 'T is a Puppet As Tyro playes Enter Aft. speaking to Tim. Tim. You may be too confident Sir Aft. There He gives Tim. money And if your Master come to hear of it tell him I was drunk Tim. I shall Sir Exit Tim. Aft. reels Aft. How now Where 's this Alderman What have we got here A Glister-pipe He strikes off Tyro's Hat and kicks him Bea. Forbear Sir Know where you are Ty. The Hat cost more money than to be made a Foot-ball Aft. Ha! Reply Madam your Fan. Ty. Murder Murder Murder Exit Tyro and runs against a Post. Bea. Was there ever such rudeness She offers to go out Aft. Nay You shall only stay to see I am not drunk I thought this the best disguise I could use to keep your father from believing I made any pretences to you Well Madam I love you and you know it You may be proud Farewell Exit Bea. A mad Wooer However would my Father lik'd him Ex. ACT. III. SCE. 5. Enter Whitebroth Runter Timothy Double Diligence All the Women And Scruple leading two of them Ru. GOod Mr. Scruple satisfie my Conscience An Oath adds no legality to the Action If I swear to kill a man must I do it Sc. Why thus Hum Haw He grows pettish Conscience me no Conscience I came not hither to resolve any man's Conscience It is not my way Truly I hope Neighbours He alters his voyce I may not only hope but dare say That you are all so well satisfy'd of what I have deliver'd to you that you are really convinc'd that they are Truths not to be question'd You know I meddle not with Conscience I came to teach ye He raises his voyce Did I for this preach up the Holy Covenant Told you you must deny Learning and Reason and give the Good Cause a lift Was it for this That that zealous Son of Thunder Mas ' Andrew told you That he came to you with a Commission to bid you subscribe That it was a spiritual Contract in letters of flesh and that
he came a wooing to you for him that had commissionated him and therefore call'd upon you to come and be handfasted by subscribing the Contract Did I for this convince you of the lawfulness of the thing and as it were compel you to the Wedding And will you call that Holy Violence a Spanish Inquisition Have I done all this And will you now fall back Shall our old Lease run out And the Land be sow'd with Cockles again Ah Ha The Women answer him with a long drawn Hui Ru. This is not the point I cannot deny but that I took it my self But then was then and now is now Sc. Ah Be stedfast and do not believe I speak this out of any particular Egoitism or fond Iishness to my self Ah No This thing of selfishness is a very nothingness A meer meer Ah do but consider it He is out and turns it off And pray Neighbours there leave your whispering and mind the matter in hand Hum I say Hum Do but consider what acting wonder-working advancing and Christian-comforting times these were How the rebuke of the poor bely'd slander'd people was taken away and their Reputation clear'd Ah Ah What great things were wrought upon the spirits of men even through the bowels of difficulty Aa Antichrist was dying in his limbs nay dying upwards And this Kingdom that was once so given up to it that it was call'd The Popes Ass Ah How was it become as the Assembly most happily found it out the chief of the Ten Horns that were to gore the Whore Ah Aa Good people do not fear There are more Assemblies coming and more Purses opening to carry on the work Aa Comfort your selves That though these Land-destroying sins of Superstition Innovation and Idolatry were sins in the Kingdom they were not sins of the Kingdom And a Nation was never destroy'd without National sins Mark that Beloved pray mark that The women again Hui Aa Rouze up your selves and let this beget in you as it were Hum Haw new-spiritual-mouth waterings Let it not be said of you That you began well but gave it over when there was most need of you Aa No If we must perish 't is better to perish in hope than fear Aa We must be a doing people as well as a saying people The women again Hui It is not enough that you have done well already but you must press forward and like the Grecian that when his hands were cut off clapt hold with his teeth Ah Aa Do you but stand in the Gap and there is a Block in the way It cannot be got over The Nation cannot be destroy'd as long as you are in 't Ah Then do not despond in this day of Tryal this day of treading down and not building up Aa Give not up this Good Old Cause which you have so long contended for with so much precious blood and so much precious Treasure Aa forsake it not lest the Malignants rejoyce lest the Malignant and disaffected say You 've fought to much purpose Aa Bear it yet but a little and you will see Dagon totter and when he is once running down hill he will not stop till he come to th' bottom Here he sinks his voyce In the mean time Ah What remains But that forasmuch as the Sword is yet out of our hands Ah But that we as it were descend from our selves in petitioning for Toleration and preservation of our mortal bodies against the rude Enemy And that we promise to be their Servants in every thing that we shall judge to be righteous Here All Hui Ru. There I hold with you good Mr. Scruple And the Codes are of the same opinion Tempori aptare decet Come let 's in and consult the Form Sc. I am for no Form Yea I hate the name I abominate it Forma bonum fragile est Exeunt ACT. IV. SCE. 1. Enter Bilboe and Titere Tu fighting Bilboe drives Titere Tu round the Stage Bil. I 'll make a Rogue of you Sirrah T. T. Why Major Nay good Major Have a care Bil. Thou Son of a Woman Do'st think men are Bulls and get their money by roaring Cheat me of my share you Dog T. T. has one leg over Are you earthing you Rogue I 'll unkennel you T. T. Nay Major Major What d' you mean Nay Nay Nay Flesh and blood is not able to endure this He takes his Sword in both hands winks and runs at t'other Bilboe runs off Nay I am bound to follow no man Do you think I 'm oblig'd to fight you by the Mile Bilboe peeps in Bil. The Rogue 's afraid or he had mischieft me He comes on again Sa Sa Sa Sa T. T. Hold Major hold 'fore George you might have spoil'd a man so Bil. Why Sirrah You stinking lousie Totterdemallion you Raggamuffin Tanarag Rogue Who made you a Captain Was it not I Speak T. T. No troth was it not 'T was ev'n the Box-keeper of the three Kings and the Fleece Link-boyes made us both You a Major and me a Capitain Bil. Why thou Rotterdam Villain Deny it if thou canst Did not I pick thee up at a three-penny Ordinary brought you into Gentlemens company Dub'd you a Knight of the Blade Taught you the method of making new plots and borrowing half a Crown of your Landlady upon the hopes of 'um And after all this sign'd your Certificate to make you capable of those Arrears you never fought for And do you now forget your Patroon sirrah Do you forget your Patroon T. T. And good Major recollect your self too if you please Do'nt you know that I know That you were never above a Corporal in all your life And that too not till fighting was quite out of fashion Bow the stick on t'other side and 't will be strait Bil. I must kill the Rogue They fight again as before 'T was bravely fought Thou hast acquitted thee like a man of mettle Let 's breath T. T. Did not I if you are yet cool enough to hear truth teach you your Top your Palm and your Slur Shew'd you the mystery of your Jack in a Box and the frail Dye Taught you the use of Up-hills Down-hills and Petarrs The Waxt the Grav'd the Slipt the Goad the Fullam the Flat the Bristle the Bar And generally instructed you from Prick-penny to Long Lawrence And is the question now Who is beholding Bil. That ever friends should fall out about trisles They drop their Swords and embrace 'Prithee let 's discourse the business quietly between our selves And since 't is gone so far as to be taken notice of in the Town Cross and Pile between us who shall wear his Arm in a Scarf T. T. Agreed But hold The Devil a Cross have I. Bil. Or I Then knots and slats Our Swords shall serve This knots That slats Ioy knots T. T. And I flats ' Twirle up Bil twirles up his Sword 'T is flats T is yours Major All thine own Boy Bil. Well It can't be helpt A
join with you in any thing Provided alwayes you carry it prudently for fear of scandal A blot is no blot till it be hit Ru. You must have a care that no one be in the Room but our selves Not so much as his wife Sc. By no means If they should I will cause 'um to withdraw upon pretence of giving him some ghostly counsel or the like Farewell You 'll find me there Ru. Not a word Make haste And be sure to break the Marriage to the good woman before the Alderman comes to know it Watch your time Sc. I warrant you Exit Scruple Ru. Madam your father has sent for me and I must leave you for the present but you shall be sure to hear from me suddenly In the mean time if you please to repose your selves at my house you shall be welcom You cannot be safer nor nearer if any occasion should be Omnes With all our hearts Exeunt ACT. V. SCE. 4. Enter Scruple discoursing to himself Sc. THree hundred pounds a year and conform A fair opportunity and if I slip it may I never have another But heark you Mr. Scruple You must subscribe Well And I will do 't But what will the Bretheren say How will the sisters take it when it shall be told 'um Vir gregis Ipse caper decrraverat Why 'T was an Act of my hand not an Act of my heart But stay What need this Has not the direction of the intention a faculty to null promises I take it it has What say the Casuists If a man promises and had no intention to perform when he made it he is not oblig'd unless there be an Oath or Contract in the case For when a man sayes simply I will do thus or thus it shall be conceived he meant if his mind did not alter for otherwise were to deprive him of his natural liberty But there is an Oath in the case friend Scruple There is an Oath How will you do now Well Suppose there be two I take it the case has been determin'd long since I may take it proforma by a previous protestation nevertheless that it shall not be prejudicial to me in any thing that I shall act to the contrary hereafter If not Our Brethren are clear in the point Equivocation in cases of necessity may be lawful 'T is a Pia fraus I 'm sure at worst 't is a probable opinion and all probable opinions are equally safe in themselves But hold ye brother Are not Oaths to be taken according to the meaning of the Exactor of the Oath Perhaps they are What then Suppose I bring a probable opinion for the meaning of the taker The extreams are wide But I have found an Expedient and yet not mine but our Brethrens still The Swearer is not bound to the meaning of the Prescriber of the Oath or his own meaning How then Sweetly To the reality of the thing sworn I think the hair is split But who shall be Judge of that Of that hereafter In the mean time Here is 300 l. a year and a goodly house upon 't I will Conform Reform Transform Perform Deform Inform any Form Form Form Enter Mrs. Whitebroth and Mrs. Mopus 'T is but one syllable and has no very ill sound It may be swallowed M. W. Now bless the good man What 's that he sayes Form Form Marry I hope you don't intend to Conform Sc. Form is a good word A very good word Forma dat esse rei And without it sister of mine you could be neither seen felt heard nor understood M. M. Now goodness defend him In the Highway to Egypt again Sc. Mistake me not I am neither for Highwayes nor High-places But M. W. But what I hope you are not in earnest Will you forsake the Good old Cause M. M. Mr. Scruple Spew up the Holy Covenant Sc. It forsook me and not I it M. W. What will the vile Cavalier say M. M. How will the despisers of the Brethren bristle M. W. How will the old Enemy erect himself M. M. And the holy sisters be humbled M. W. Who shall carry on the great work M. M. Or perfect that which you have begun M. W. Mr. Scruple transmogrifie M. M. Ah no Both of them Hui Sc. You say right You are my workmanship I have been working you these twenty years and you are wrought But alas I speak not this to you There are a number of dissenting Brethren and I have try'd 'um this way and that way and t'other way and to say Truth every way but never the nearer And therefore I 'm ev'n resolv'd to try what the old way will do M. W. Ah Mr. Scruple Do you know what you say The old way M. M. The old Whore Both Hui Sc. Yes The old way though no old Whore Wherein notwithstanding I do no more than what ever was is now and ever will be Mark what I say and observe it our Brother Fox that had so little wit as to write his Book of Martyrs had yet enough to keep himself from being one of the number M. W. Ah What will become of the stock M. M. And the little Lambs how shall they play M. W. Who shall destroy the Chicken of the Wolf M. M. And break the Leviathan's Eggs i' the shell Sc. Come sisters of mine you live on the blind side of the World I find the Cause and its interest deserted by most people unless it be some few That having found how sweet a thing it is to head a Faction make use of us as the Monkey did of the Cats Paw to scrape the Nuts out of the fire I need say no more unless it be That I have a fair opportunity of 300 l. a year offer'd me M. W. I do do And see who 'll repent it first Never expect more Fryday Night Suppers M. M. Nor the sweet society of Brethren and sisters M. W. What fellowship is therein Stock-fish and Oyle M. M. Or instead of Gellies to be swill'd with Frummetrie M. W. To exchange your Venison for Red Herrings and Mustard M. M. And Virgin Pullets for Ling and Haberdine Scruple shakes his head and sighs Huh M. W. Who will be gainers now M. M. Or whos 's the loss when this happens M. W. When the Benevolence shall dwindle to an Easter penny M. M. And purifying Dinners into crackt Groats M. W. When you 're at charge of a Gown for Sundayes and Holydayes M. M. And the Cassock comes out of your own Pocket M. W. When the Boyes cry after you it grows too fast M. M. And the knot of your Sussingle sits in the wrong place Again but louder Huh Hu M. W. And will you then leave us Let not 300 l. a year be any thing in the case we will allow you four Pray consider Did we ever forsake you What have you lost by throwing your self on your friends If the worst come to the worst rather than lose you we will forsake our carnal Husbands and
But trulie I hope it is not so plain as you make it Sc. How think you Afterwitt and Beatrice come up and kneel M. W. O my Child my Child Thy father is prettie hoddie again but this will break his heart quite O my Child Has he not hurt thee Enter Whitebroth Mopus Timothy After them Mrs. Mopus Aft. No great sign of death Mother Wh. What 's all this clutter Here 's a noise for a sick man with all my heart Afterwitt and Beatrice kneel to him How 's this Sc. Nothing but Matrimonie Sir and Conjugal Love Wh. And were you Pimp to 't I hope you have made sure of her portion I can assure you her Grandfather left her not so much as a grey Groat Aft. I have enough in her Wh. Much good may 't do you Bea. Good Sir forgive me Wh. Out of my doors The wench is prettie handsome and will be able to get her own living if the Parish will but keep the Children Aft. I must not hear this language Know you this A good honest settlement upon my self He shews the Deed. And your Daughter in consideration of marriage Wh. Ha! Settlement And in consideration of Marriage I was not drunk sure When was this done Aft. Onlie a little Crop sick Verie latelie Sc. Indeed Sir you desir'd this Gentleman and my self to be Witnesses to it I know my hand again Mo. I saw you sign seal and deliver it Wh. I publish 't onlie my Will Mo. I know not what your meaning was but you deliver'd it as your Act and Deed. Wh. Timothy Fetch me the Constable Jol. Sir he 'll save you that trouble I met him just coming to you about a suspitious person whom he apprehended with This Chain in his pocket He shews the Chain You cannot imagine whose it should be Whitebroth makes no answer but holds up his hands and walks Enter full but upon him Bilboe Double Diligence Titere Tu and Mrs. Double Diligence Wh. Cheated Cheated As I 'm an Alderman purelie Cheated Aft. How can that be you have the Reputation of as shrewd a man as anie upon the Bench. Wh. Ah Rogues all Rogues all He walks again Jol. What say you Sir Here 's the Constable now Come come be wise Your Daughter has marry'd a Gentleman Is not this better than a Smithfield bargain Give me so much money and my Horse shall leap your Mare Wh. Don't worrie me with words I 'll consider of 't Sc. Good Sir Marriages are made in Heaven Wh. Then I 'll be sworn I had nev'r a friend there Cis. Trulie nor I neither For indeed methinks they are verie long in coming down Aside Sc. Now verilie Sir but this is a just judgment upon you for hoarding up your moneys and suffering the Good Old Cause to starve Wh. Seriech-owle But where 's my Doctor Jol. Why troth Sir you cannot blame him he is somewhat loth to appear till he see how things are like to go Come pray Sir Wh. Well Sir I see by this Chain the Major and you understand one another Let 's have no more words All parties shall be satisfy'd Give me 't Jol. There And may you long live to wear 't You may come down All 's well To Runter peeping above Wh. Come Son and Daughter the business is done and I forgive you both And if that settlement be not large enough I 'll make you a new one upon demand You shall have your own Estate back in present and as you love your Wife the rest after our deaths And so you have my blessing Aft. Bea. Kneel We thank you Sir Wh. Come let 's be merrie And as late as 't is send for the Musick We must have a Dance at least Jol. See what 't is to forecast a mans business right They are gone for and will be here instantlie Wh. But we forget the main thing the Posset Quicklie Cis and get one readie Exit Cis. M. W. How 's this Musique Dancing Posset Are they lawful good Mr. Scruple M. M. Are they not Raggs of the Whore Sc. Thereafter as they may be us'd I will consider it a little and give you my opinion He walks Enter Runter Wh. O my Doctor You 're a fine Gentleman Good faith you are Ru. Who I I care not if all my faults were writ in my forehead Enter Tyro Wh It must be in short hand then or there will want room Jol. Here 's Tyro too Your ev'n come time enough to dance at your Mistresses Wedding Ty. How My Mistresses Wedding T. T. Even so Alas that I had but known of this before Ru. Women will have their wills Let her go I have another guess thing in chase for you Ty. And shall I have her Ru. Thou shalt And heark you Runter having whisper'd him he shruggs and scratches his elbow Sc. Hum I am full and shall discourse 'um graduallie And first of the first Musick Yes certainlie it is lawful But what Musick That 's the question We 'll examine it a little Cimbals they are Jewish The Harp malignant and Irish Organs Antichristian The Fluit a meer Horn-pipe The Fiddle Out upon 't Most abominable it ushers in Revels and May-poles What then Why trulie I agree with the Assembly Bag-pipes A harmless innocent Musick and most agreeable to the Discipline and practice of our Bretheren of the Kirk Besides it has as the Learned observe a specifick qualitie to mollifie and soften the most brutal natures Witness the Bears Emollit mores nec sinit esse feros But secondly for Dancing Why trulie that may be lawful too But here too the point will be the same What Dancing Countrey Dances they are Pagan French Dances Fye Fye Antick Our ordinarie dancing villanous 't is mixt and promiscuous a verie Nicolaitâ—â—ism The Benchers measures I must confess they come somewhat near were they not superstitious What then Why The men may dance in one Room and the women in t'other Lastly for the Posset And truly here I 'm in a great Wood But not to dwell upon the Letter whither Posset or P-osset I shall take it as it lies before me Posset And truly that may be lawful too Lemon Posset is cooling Carduus Posset Benedictus And Sack-Posset comfortable But VVedding Sack Posset There 's the point Trulie I half doubt it and that for fifteen Reasons Hum Jol. A plague o' these Fidlers VVe shall be murder'd ere they come Sc. I say for fifteen Reasons First from the name of the thing Posset from Posse To be able And from that fond supposition first brought into VVeddings An invention meerly carnal But secondly for that it ministreth abundance of unsavoury discourse Thirdly for that the Grace before it is none at all and the Grace after it lewd Fourthly That it is eaten by the parties chiefly concern'd only in spight Fithly Hum Haw I say fifthly Enter Fiddles Jol. Servavit Apollo Strike up strike up One noise best drowns another Sc. A wholsome observation lost Jol. 'T will keep cold for another time Wh. Come Gentlemen One Dance and then for the Posset They dance Tyro pipes VVhy so VVe're all friends And now you that are for the Posset follow me Jol. VVell mov'd VVell mov'd The Bride begins to be sleepy Bil. Lead on before there I 'll bring up the Rear Come Landlord Bear up for the Bar of Chester And since we have had so good fortune to day we 'll henceforth boyle our Beef in Sack and make the Beggars drunk with the Porridge Exeunt THE END ERRATA THese and such other literal mistakes as you may chance to meet with be pleas'd to correct Page 2. line 10. for dead a Horse read a dead Horse Pag. 36. lin 26. for quocunque read Quaecunque Pag. 37. lin 38. for a great red man read a great read man And so for the rest c. THE EPILOGUE SPOKEN BY MOPUS I Had almost forgot Let 's see What weather Nor fair Nor foul Indifferent Both together Clear if no Clouds nor misling If there shou'd It shall proceed from former Causes Good So much for Doctrine To Apply it now Yo 've had A Play But whither good or No 'T is past my Globe yet guess the weather will Prove fair enough unless you make it ill 'T is you must make the Play or stand or fall Therefore By me To you and you and All The Author bows And perhaps reason for 't Some Men the Judge others the Jury Court The one more Just if unconcern'd The other More Pitiful If he claps both together He means no hurt For in a common Hall Noise carries it He fain would please you All Yo 've had for Pit for Box for Gallery too Keep your own Posts and he is well enou ' But If you must lash out And think you can't Be wits your selves unless you pique and rant At your own Peril be 't And further know Who gives a Character in one gives two He hopes the best Nor will we be perplext Laugh hearty now and he shall fix you next FINIS