in giving in such sweet returus of prayer let him alone have the praise and be ye all incouraged and stirred up to pray continually and be very watchful that if at any time God do move you to do any thing do it with all your might according to the assistanco the Lord gives you for I have found it a great grieving of the spirit to put it of with delayes through carnal reasonings of the flesh which indeed vvould have hindreed mee in offering of these few experiences to the view of the vvorld but vvhen God vvas pleased to give me a heart to it and I set upon it vvith a resolution in his strength to go through it not with standing all opposition Oh! then was the Lord pleased to come in again and fill my soul with peace and joy unspeakable and full of glory which was to my great refreshment I being then in a strange Land Holand seperated from Country kindred and fathers house yea there and then did our good God according to what I had wont to have give into my spirit heavenly Allelujas both night and day with many sweet Instructions from him self when it was with us as it were a time of famine of the word our Teathers being removed into corners and thrown into prisons in the Year 1662. O! how was I then stirred up by the teachings of that good Spirit often to praising and often to very earnest prayer as for my self so for his poorasslicted persecuted people and then also I found my heart much enlarged to love and to do good and lay out my self for sa ints of all perswasions yea and all others also as I had opportunity And upon this ground because my dear Redeemer the Lord Jesus hath set mee a pattern to do good to all and what talent soever we do recieve we must lay it out to his praise if it be but one and it shall be increased this I have had experience of be not backward to improve thy talent because another may have more then thou that springs from a root of pride and negligence is the way to loose what thou hast but look up to God for a blessing upon the right use of what thou hast received and if he seeth it good that thou mayest better honnor him with more he will give in thee in his own way and time for then shall ye know if ye follow on to know the Lord. Hose 6. 3. It is also promised that they who be planted in the house of the Lord like a watered Gardin shall they grow and florish and bring forth fruit in their old age Psa 92 12 13. Further o let all the beloved of the Lord take a specialcare of every Gospel ordinance and commandment of our Lord to hold forth what light you have received for there is non of the ordinances of the Gospel to be slighted for they hold out unto us those choyce priviledges that vvere purchased for us vvith the precious blood of Jesus Christ I have found great peace and injoyed much of Gods presence in vvaiting upon him in the vvay of his appointments and I have found the Lord not leaving but teaching of mee vvhen I out of conscience have forborn vvhere they vvere not tobe injoyed according to the rule of the Gospel and expose my self to any suffring to injoy them in the purity of them and indeed God doth take special notice of them vvho they be and vvhere they dvvell Revel 2 13. that in sore persecuting and suffering times hold fast his truths and do not deny his name Mal. 3 16 and hath promised that they vvho keep the vvord of his patience shall be keept in the hour of temptation And vvhen he hath humbled us he vvill shevv us the pattern of his house the goings out and the comings in thereof and the fashions Lawes and ordinances thereof that we may do them Ezek. 43 11. And the time doth hasten that God will turn to the people a pure Language And all shall know the Lord from the least to the greatest And he will lead the blinde in a way that they know not he will make darkness become light and crooked things streight and bitter things sweet and hard things easy and this he will do and not forsake us Further let none be discouraged to do their duty though never so weak yet if thou beest acted by the Spirit of God weak meanes often times becomes effectual to accomplish great things for by experience also I know when some persons have been praying together that one being senceable of the state of the other and mourning over their sin before the Lord God have made use of those very mournings and breathings to convince the other of their sinful state with the danger of it and thereby have been caused to turn from sin unto the Lord whose eyes were never opened before One Maid who by this meanes was convinced and said nothing at present but after prayer retiring herself to her Bible with a purpose to see what word of comfort she could find there and it pleased God to hand to her that place Rom. 8 13. For if ye live after the flesh ye shall die but if ye through the Spirit do mortisy the deeds of the body ye shall live which word God did make very powerful and effectual to help forward his work upon her soul All these speak forth the freeness of Gods rich grace therefore who ever readeth and under standeth what is in this free workings of God good Spirit let him alone have all the praise and glory and the Lord inclined my heart every day more and more to praise him for his unchangeable love in Jesus Christ therefore let them that read this give God praise for this undeserved mercy and let me have a share in your prayers that I may be filled with a spirit of praise for none have more cause then I to speak well of his great and holy name and that I may honour God that little time that I have to live upon the earth and that in all changes For if God sees affliction to be good for mee I desire not to dispise his chastizements for I have found more strength in a great affliction then in a little one and my soul hath been filled with joy out of measure Therefore if we be brought to this take joyfully the spoiling of our goods knowing we have a better inheritance and the giving up all to the will of God who gave all to us we shall have all given to us with advantage oh the fulness of him that filleth all in all but I am nothing and can do nothing no longer then he doth assist therefore praise him for ever more And since I was taken of from my incumbrances in the world and had more time to spend in the wayes and work of God waiting on him for more of himself the Lord according to his promise hath revealed himself more abundantly and I have
the power of God alone In this time was I called by my friends into a darck corner of the land full of ignorance yet I was sorely troubled especially when I was overtaken with any sin still I fell down beforâ—â—he Lord bewailing my sins then did the Lord give mee much comfort from this place of Scripture Jer. 31 20. Is Ephraim my dear son is he a pleasant child for since I spake against him I do earnestly remember him still therefore my bowels are troubled for him I will surely have mercy upon him saith the Lord. Now in the place where I was were many Papists and they much endeavoured to have mee of their judgment But God kept mee in a thirsting frame of spirit after the preaching of the word and often cast in my mind that I should Matt. 6 33. First seek the Kingdom of God and the righteousness thereof and all other things should be added Wee had in that place a bad Minister but to God I made my supplication and used what means I could to obtain a better and God was pleased to answer my desires and sent a better to that very place who remained there the time that I stayed under whose honnest teachings I often met with sweet refreshing Then was stirred up by my friends to change my condition to be married to an husband upon which I did earnestly begg of God that I might have one that did fear the Lord that he might be a furtherance to heaven and indeed so hee was For I married with a man that was much in practical diuties yet some difference there was in our judgments which often caused no small trouble in my spirit but it had this effect it caused mee to cry to God and to search the Scriptures so much the more using all means for a â—ight understanding in the things and wayes of God and it became helpful to mee And in this time of my earnest seeking of God alone he was pleased to discover to mee by dreames and visions of the night the uggliness of sin in a far greater manner then ever I saw it before and in dreams brought many Scriptures to mind that did answer some questions and satisfy some doubts that were in my heart and so did cause darkness to become light before mee at that time and this did the Lord do in the absence of other meanes soon after I gained information where the word was powerfully preached but it being something far from mee I had some difficulty to get to it yet it being through grace more to mee then my ordinary food I keept close to opportunities of the word there preached which in an especial manner God was pleased to make very useful unto mee And I injoying often many sweet tasts of the presence of God in his ordinances was carried out through all weathers to wait upon him and this I can truely say from real experience that the worst wheather I went through the more of God I met within his ordinances I remember one very wet day I had much comfort from these words let this incourage others Joh. 1 2 3. Now are wee the sons of God and it doth not yet appear what we shall bee And afterwards while my meditations were something upon Hebrews 6 5 6. I was much stirred up to mind how far an Hypocrite might go in Religion And I began to consider whether or no I had gone any further then such a one might go for I saw plainly that a person might go very far and yet be in a sad state though they may be â—nlightened and tast of the heavenly gist and be partakers of the holy Spirit yea and tast of the good word and also hear the best Preachers gladly as Herod did Iohn the Baptist and as Agrippa did Paul and yet be but almost a Christian Then I being at a Sermon the words of the Text were Marc. 6 vers 20. And he did many things That Minister then shewed that an Hypocrite or a reprobate might do many things but yet a true child of God can do more he named two things in which a child of God goeth beyond an Hypocrite First that he doth as much desire to be holy as happy 2. That he doth as earnestly fet himself against all sin as some Then was I exceedingly taken up in my thoughts about this thing but being carried out to seek the Lord earnestly he was pleased to give in this answer Thou tumblest so much at the stone of assurance that thou forgetest to build then did God let me see that the foundation and top-stone is Jesus Christ and that I must cease from my own workes and take Christ upon his own termes and then entred I into some rest Oh what a knotty piece was I to work upon for until he put forth his mighty power I could not believe and I found nothing stronger then free grace to stricke at the root of my sin Also on another snowy day I going many miles to hear I was refreshed much from these words 2 Cor. 12 9. My grace is sufficient for thee And on another day from these words Luke 10 20. But rather rejoyce because your names are written in heaven And another time aboundance of comfort from that Scripture 1 Cor. 2 9. Eye hath not seen nor ear heard neither hath it entred into the heart of man to conceive the things which God hath prepared for them that love him It was a very sore day when I went to this opportunity and a very bitter Journey I had but God made it exceeding sweet unto mee Also I had a very great fit of a feaver by reason of the trouble of conscience I was under and in the time of that great feaver the Lord was pleased to set that Scripture upon my heart Rev. 22 17. The Spirit and the bride said comm and let him that heareth say come and let him that is a thirst come and whosoever will let him come and take of the watters of Life freely Which did administer so much comfort refreshing to mee from a sence of the freeness of Gods grace being set upon my heart with so much power of the Spirit that I was contrary to the Judgement of Physicians soon raised to my health again For indeed I had at that time been exceedingly troubled in my spirit about my sins which I had been looking back upon for I had made a Catalogue of them and spread them before the Lord for pardon But thinking them to be so many that God would not pardon them I did much desire I might die and go out of the body and not live any Longer in it to encrease mine iniquities And although at this time a good Minister did endeavour to comfort mee yet I put comfort from mee and said it did not belong to mee till the God of all grace was pleased to give it in by the power of his Spirit as besore mentioned and then after our good God had
the pit And lowest place of Hell Admire admire my love to thee VVhich took thee from so low And set thee in high places free VVhere thou my love might'st know VVing thou aloft and cast thy self Into mine Arms of love Look up look up and thou shalt see My glory is above Let not the wicked know thy joy But let my servants hear VVhat I have done for thee my love Since thou to mee drew'st near My servants walk in clouds and bogg's They do not see my light The day draws near and will appear That I will shine most bright I will appear in my glory and be a perfect light Admire admire the thing that I will do All nations shall it hear and know VVhat I am doing now I will a habitation be To them that fear my name They shall lie down in safty and Give glory to the same All they that in high places sit And takes their honours low Shall be made tremble quake and pine VVhen they my Iustice know Come hide come hide come hide with me Come hide thee in the Rock Come draw thy Comforts high from mee I my treasures unlock Also it was agreed upon by some of the Lords people with whom I was then present that we should appoint and keep a day of solemn seeking the Lord by fasting and prayer that wee might know what was the duty Gods poor Children ought to be found in at that time but after this was agreed upon and the day appointed I was before the time came removed about 30 miles from them and so that thing went out of my minde but God by his Spirit set me upon the same work by five in the morning the same day and about the middle of the day God brought to my remembrance that agreement so we were at the same work at the same time though far distant one from another and indeed the Lord was graciously present pouring out much of the spirit of prayer and supplication after which earnest seeking of God was this following prophesye given in unto mee Shall light appear and darkness done away Shall Sommers green be cloathed all in gray Shall a bright morning set in shadowees dark Oh! England Englandâ— take heed thou dost not smart And after this prophesy was set upon my heart that notable promise 2 Chro. 7 14. Iâ— my people which are called by my name turn from their wicked wayes then will I hear from heaven and forgive their sin and will heat their Land Next morning about four of the clock being in my bed I had this laid before mee that God would affict that nation with great afflictions but I not knowing what God would try the Nation with did desire this of the Lord that I might chuse with David rather to fall into the hands of God then into the hands of merciless men it was much upon my heart at that time that the Lord would turn a fruitful land into barreness for the wickedness of them that dwell therein Then the Lord was pleased to lay upon mee a sore affliction which I finding my self very unable to bear did as it were repent mee that I in any measure had chosen my condition and did not rather wholy submit to the will of God but the Lord did mee good by it and his strength was made persect in my weakness Then was it much set upon my heart to consider what then were the sins of the nation for which there was cause of great humiliation and indeed the consideration of these following evils was much set upon my heart 1. That great sloathfulness deadness and unfruitfulness under the means of grace which we injoyed for which the Lord threatened of old Isa 5 vers 5 6. To lay his vineyard wast to plucke up the hedge and breake downe the wall there of 2. That great abounding sin of unbelief notwithstanding the large experiences we had of Gods power for us and love to us And this I saw did cause persons to seek themselves and the world Unbelief cut them and us short of that rest that many yea the most of us promised to our selves As this unbelief of old cut Israel short of rest Heb. 3 10 11. 3. That Idolatry which mee thought I saw abounding in the nation in a threefold sence 1. First in respect of false wayes of worship contrary to the rule of the Gospel and primitive exemple 2. Secondly in respect also of resting upon duty and so not resting upon Iesus Christ that Rock of ages this also was one of poor Israels evils crying out the Temple of Lord c. Ier. 7 4. 3. In respect of coveteousness this in Scripture is called Idolatry also Oh! that too too earnest desire that was in some after the Foulish vanities of this present evil world and in others after the vain profits of the world and in others also after the vain glory and preferment thereof these things were much upon my heart and this was that for which God was angry of old with his people and smote them and hid his face from them Isa 57 17. 4. Fourthly That pride that I saw abounding in the lives of many I fear was in the hearts of others Which appeared in their slighting the Councel of Gods Spirit and their persifting to go on in seeking and setting up self nothwithstanding the hand of God against them These sins being very much set upon my heart with a deep consideration of many Scriptures some of them was very great and sore threatnings and other some were most sweet and precious promises to such as repent and departe from all iniquity one of which I remember was that very remarkeable place 2 Chron. 7 14. Then I looked upon it as my duty to make this known that people might be warned to depart from sin that so they might not partake of the great wrath and sore displeasure of God which I much feared was coming Then soon after I had an oppertunity to declare this to some that then were in high places and in the very entring I had this added which I also declared Didst thou not hear a voyce from on high Deny your selves take up the crosse or verily you shall die And this was approved on by some and received as a very sluitable and seasonable word but pour soules for not hearkening unto councel in departing from sin they were soon brought down and laid low yet there is mercy with the Lord that he may be feared and he will manifest his love to all them that truely repent and we may all make a good use of this experience therefore let others harms become our warnings Also about the year 1658. to the best of my remembrance for having lost my book in which I had set them down in order I now wait onely upon the Lord and as he by his Spirit helps mee so I give an account of these things It was given in with aboundance of power upon my spirit these few