security for my Life Second Jeb However let the worst betide I can thank my Stars I die in a good Cause Intriguo But for the present Father I have a strange inclination to live in a good one vengeance on it I never lik'd this desperate way of maintaining a Cause as we call it Goal Sir Let me tell you my Sentiments clearly you have but a very short time to consider of the great Journey you are going to take I advise you therefore to improve it to advantage if a Reprieve comes at last you are still the same if not which may be doubted you cannot but be doubly griev'd as doubly disappointed Int. And art thou then Intriguo thus deluded Are thus thy blooming hopes so Swiftly vanish'd Are thus thy faithful Services repaid And all thy care and hearty Zeal requited ' S'Death shall I tamely fall a Sacrifice To the designs of an ungrateful Master Shall I in guilty Silence chose to dye Aside When his bear speaking might preserve my Life Or like some Novice when the Rooking Gamester By Subtile Cheating Arts has drain'd his Pocket Stand both the Ridicule and Jest of my Imposers Hast not thou yet Intriguo in thy power To pay the mighty Debt exacted on thee Would not the willing Sanhedrim vouchsafe to hear And praise and save thee for thy just Discovery Ah! yes they would But now the Brazen head Has doom'd thee lost for ever Time is past And like the unwary Passenger whose way Leads o're the dry deserted Strand thou didst Aside Delay the lucky minute of thy passage Staying alas till the returning Waves O're took surrounded grasp'd and overwelm'd thee Enter Nobs Ha! Nobs here nay then perhaps I may have wrong'd my Master He did not hear me I hope Aside N. Siegnior Intriguo his Royal Highness the Duke has sent Int. A Reprieve or Pardon Speak my good Angel Has my just Master thought me worthy of his Remembrance Good Prince I did not doubt his Mercy but yo know the very Apprehensions of Death do strangely perplex a man But prithee dear Nobs let 's fee my last Comfort my Hopes my Joy dear lack how strangely I am altered in a moment well I vow I was very melancholy till I saw you thou art born under a lucky Planet thou alwaies bring'st good Tidings with thee Come let me see it is it a clear Pardon or a Reprieve for pleasure N. A clear downright Pardon an absolute Acquittance for all Debts Dues and Demands c. That you shall never be troubled for any thing of Plot or Plotting again while you breath Int. Look yo here now good lack what an ungrateful Villain was I to accuse so good a Master Well I could find in my Heart to Hang my self for pure spite Aside But come a murrain on it we 'll let that alone till another time and now dear Nobs let me hug thee ' fack I can crack a Pint now with some comfort They Embrace with thee and ' fack we will have it too Come Mr. Keeper give Orders for an hearty Bottle come a Fart of Hanging now I have got a Pardon a Pardon Boy He leaps about Goal Mr. Nobs if you have brought Seigniour Intriguo's Pardon you would do him a kindness to produce it for my Warrant runs for Executon this Morning at Ten of the Clock and you see by my Watch the time is near expired Int. Ay ay come produceit these Keepers are so Sawey when they have a Man in their Power Sir The Duke may remember your Malapartness Goal Sir I must remember my Business and if I mistake not your Worship will be part of it to day Aside N. Heark you Siegniour you cannot imagine what He takes Intriguo aside a difficulty the Duke met with before he could obtain it for you must understand the Sanhedrim Petition'd and made a terrible Pother to have you Executed off hand nay the very Rabble were gathering and threatned to pull you out themselves so that upon mature deliberation it was thought sit and concluded bewteen the King and Duke mark you me that you should for Meer Formality and to asswage the growing Fury of the People that you should I say be drawn to the place of Execution and then Sir ' gad I can but laugh at the Jest mark you me just as they expect to see you Dangle whip rush me I or some Body else in no matter who with the Reprieve though at the same time we must be forc'd to make a formal Excuse that you are to be Examin'd or so again in Council before you Die and so Sir as I told you under that Delusion egad we whisk you away and so give them the Slip for ever Int. Oh! ye Devil lost lost ruin'd He starts and stamps and undone for ever Drawn to the place of Execution quoth he ay and Hang'd at the place of Execution What a Devil should I do there else 1. Jeb Why this Nobs Brother is the Miracle of his time what a Feteh was there and how he prepared him for it Egad as he says if he once come to the place of Execution I know what will follow Aside 2. Jeb No Reprieve I 'll secure him and it will be too late to tell Tales then Aside Int. But prithee dear Nobs art thou in earnest thou hast curdled my Blood strangely that was boyling just before with Joy bur prithee that 's the way to be torn to pieces by the Rabble if I should escape Hanging N. Udslife Siegniour Intriguo you are the strangest incredulous man Udssish if the Duke know this let me be hang'd 't would be of ill consequence pray let us have no more of that Siegniour Enter Keeper K. Sir The Praefect according to Warrant demands the Delivery of your Prisoners for Execution Goal Siegniour Intriguo I must obey Int. I submit Well Nobs I hope thou wilt remember thy old Friend N. Fear nothing I shall within these two hours see thee assuredly safe and well Exit Nobs Jeb As Halter and Coffin can make him Aside Goal Sir The Praefect waits Int. Lead on and shew me my mysterious Fate To Life or Death I 'm fixt for either state My Fears are boundless but my Hope 's a span Yet if I Fall There 's no Belief in Man Finis Actus tertij ACT. IV. Scene I. Corinna's Bed-chamber Enter King Corinna Leonora undrest and in Loose Night-Gowns Remarquo slips behind the Hangings LEt 's barr these Doors my Dear Corinna close Lest some dark prying Statesman here discover us And with his Lamentable Noise of Plots Disturb and Interrupt our Secret Pleasures Come Leonora fill my other Arm And share the other half of thy Lov'd Monarch Here now 's my Paradice my Heaven of Joy All that a Monarch can desire or wish for Let the Grave Politician shake his Head And blame the well-fix'd Choice of my Diversion It were a Crime to think that Providence Who wisely fix'd us in this lofty Station To
honest Pagans of Hungary Traitours horrid Traitours and Plotters against the King's Life and his Highness I would willingly have decently laid aside 1 Cut. Ay all the reason in the World my very Conscience rises at him Oh! Villain Did you ever hear of such a wicked Fellow What Sir will be the Purchase you know what I mean how much Sir how much You know we always make sure work Five hundred pounds Brother is but a small matter considering 2 Cut. But considering the Gentleman promiseth we shall have the rest of his Highness's Work let him drop the other Hundred and here 's Don Diego that shall do his Business Tal. Vdsniggs five hundred pounds He pulls out a Dagger hold He pauses e'gad I have an itching desire to do it my self Aside Come Friend I was in good hopes when thou wer 't talking of Conscience thou wouldst have been reasonable and have had some respect to the Cause I guess you are all Pagans your selves 3 Cut. Truly Sir we have no Religion but our Trade and we are always of that side that bids most mony Tall. Ha! I have brought my self into a fine Praemunire then e'gad I find if I am out-bid I may have my own Throat cut What a plaguy thing it is to be such a cowardly Dog as I am If I could have found in my heart to have undertaken this my self I might have been clear of all this danger and have had Five hundred pound in my Pocket Well I am in too far and must go thorough with them Aside Well Gentlemen considering my Master has a kindness for you I 'le not be a niggard of his mony here 's an hundred and fifty Pieces in hand which shall be made up Five hundred within three days after you have done your Business And now I 'le tell you the person you cannot but know him 't is Sir Demophilus the Tribune that lives between Alba Regalis and the Queens Palace 1 Cut. Oh lau is it he an ugly cross-grain'd old Rogue our old Persecutor Know him quoth he Ay marry and good reason I had cut his Throat long ago if I could have light of a Chapman for 't is against our Oath to do it gratis If a man had been bread all his life time to some honest Vocation suppose Picking of Pockets c. yet this unconscionable Fellow if he could catch him would punish him severely and as I take it that 's clearly against the Statute I 'le engage your Business done Sir Tal. And pray assoon as may be 2 Cut. 'T is yet early and I know his House and we 'le dog him if it be possible this very day Tal. One thing I had forgot if you can decoy him into the Water gate we can order matters so as to have his Body at our disposal You had best dispatch the Sun grows high 3 Cut. Before to morrow's dawn we may give you a good account of him till then Sir Farewel Exeunt Cut-throats Manet Le Talbo solus Tal. I think I am now in a hopeful way of thriving Secrets of this importance cannot but recommend me in a peculiar manner to the Dukes favour and as he Rises which as far as I can gather will not be deferred long to be sure I shall be moving and climbing too and when I am out of their reach what care I for a company of conscientious Fools prattle Well for my part I am none of those hot-headed Fools that would venture my Life and a good Pension for a few vain Words and Babble When a Man calls me Coward I cry his Humble Servants Let another call me Cuckold Pimp Varlet or Cut-throat I laugh in his face and tell him he Jeasts and we are as good Friends again as ever and let other men take their own Measures as they please I am sure 't was these good Qualities that made me a Favourite Here 's Demophilus the Tribune would needs be officious forsooth and see what he 'le get by it And there 's half a dozen more will have their Rewards in good time I 'le warrant them They are by Prudence and Discretion lead Who most the Paths of Safety strive to tread True Courage needless danger most doe's fly And none but Fools can covet misery Finis Actus Secundi ACT. III. SCENE I. The Water-gate at the Queens Palace Enter two Cut-throats 1 Cut. PRithee Sullen thou art always so impatient and drowsie Udszookers dost think to get thy Living by snoring Come come let me tell you this will be a comfortable Jobb and we ought not to grudge our Pains 2 Cut. Why I don't know Brother Meager what 's the matter with me to night I am neither drowsie nor impatient but I have a sort of an unusual Qualm come over me I did not understand this Le Talbo's Reason for taking off this Demophilus Prethee what dost thou think it 1 Cut. Nay as for his Reason I have nothing to do with it if it be a false one let him look to it I am innocent I am sure an hundred and fifty hard solid pieces of Gold carry reason enough to excuse me 2 Cut. Why then is there no point of Honour or Conscience to be observ'd in our Trade Meager 1 Cut. Ha-Ha-Ha thou mak'st me laugh in good earnest Honour and Conscience quoth he Yes yes as much as in Usurers and Bankrupts who when they have cheated and ruin'd the unwary young Prodigals cast up their Eyes in a transport and pretend to give God thanks for their good Fortune my Pocket's the Rule of my Conscience 2 Cut. But I would very fain know what this Demophilus has done 1 Cut. Thou art a meer Novice I see never ask what he has done but how much we are to receive This plaguy Rawbone sure has got him he stays so long be sure you observe your Cue Sullen 2 Cut. Well! Well! Qualms never continue long with me a thin Purse and an empty Belly always cure my Melancholy Enter third Cut-throat and gives a Hem or two 1 Cut. Ha! That 's the sign Sullen Sullen make ready our Game is drawing nigh 3 Cut. Sullen 2 Cut. Rawbone 3 Cut. Where 's Meager Sontikins we have him Boys he 's within forty Paces and alone to our wishes if we miss him now I 'le despair of him for ever Be sure keep your Post and be exactly ready stand drawn for fear of losing time for rather than fail we must chop him down any how Enter Demophilus While Demophilus walks soberly along Rawbone just as he is passing the Water-gate pops out upon him in the mean time Sullen and Meager are just seen within the Scenes with their Swords drawn clashing together as in a real quarrel Raw. For Heavens sake Sir as you are a Christian and a Gentleman give your Assistance to part a couple of Friends who are just now engaging in a quarrel within the Gate Dem. Alack withal my heart Sir He turns to the Scene and see 's them fighting
interrupting Fate Denys or Robs thee of but Aside Leo. Perhaps great Sir our presence may offend We will remove the cause They are going Rem Heaven's send she proves as good as her Word 'T will be the first good thing they ever did in their Lives Andr. Stay Corinna stay Leonora come you must pardon this abrupt way of dealing with you an ugly Crabed thought or two came into my head and put me on musing but it is over but I have resolv'd Rem To send them out of his sight for ever I hope Aside Cor. To grant I hope your Hand-maids poor request And. To send and to dissolve the Sanhedrim Both. Long Live and Reign the great Androgynes Cor. Who waits there Dione Enter Maid Run dear Dione with a Lovers Speed Corinna runs immediately to the Door And tell your Master great Caligula The Sanhedrim's no more Exit Maid Rem Good Heavens what will this come to this must breed bad Blood in the Kingdom we shall be altogether by the Ears in a Moment Our goodly Duke longs for nothing more and when matters are in Confusion he thinks to pass Unobserv'd Well come when it will every Man must take his Fortune Each Man may stand upon his own Defence But few will now be safe in Innocence And. 'T is time Corinna now that we with-draw And pay our mighty debts of mutual Love Henceforth all Care and Business from my Breast All sence of fear and danger too I 'll Banish Wrapt up in Pleasures I 'll supinely wait The certain Stroake of my appointed Fate Exeunt Omnes ACT IV. Scene II. The Palace at St. Jacques Enter Le'Talbo with three Teagueland Evidences Le Tal. YOu know honest Country Men it stands us upon If the Duke fail all our hopes are quash'd for ever First Ay by my Shoul dear Collonel but the Divel taake me if he do fail Second No be Chreest and shaint Patrick but I would Swear the Moon and the Sheven Stars down first Tal. You know how the business is and what to swear Third Hubboo Hubboo What to Swear Ay by my Fait do I Dear Joy I vill Swear I vill Swear Ay by my Shoul it be no matter what I do Swear as long as the Shudge will be wid me and taake my part Rem This is a pack of rare Villains of the right Stamp and Breed a Generation that suck in Villany with their Milk whose Native Language is a compound of Oaths and Lying their only Inheritance who have Courage enough only to render 'em Ruffians and who have no other Sence or Honour than Impudence Now there are good Caligula's Creatures and Favorites the Darlings of His heart and his only true Friends that are prepar'd to comfort and discountenance the Plot and to Hector People out of their Belief or their Lives But let 's hear their Lesson Aside Tal. You must take your Corporal Oaths That this Pertinax was with you in Company in Hungary the very time that he declar'd he was over Sea First Ay the Devil taake me but he was I vill taake my Oath by any Corporal in Teagueland if my Collonel says so Rem An obedient Rogue to his Officer this and yet such is the Iniquity of the preseut times that the Duke do's not doubt to get a Judge to perswade and a Jury to believe such an Evidence Tal. I have several other points to instruct you in but you must taake time to practice this first Third By my Shalvashon dear Joy I must have some great ting to swear against dis Pertinax ara But who be dis Rogue dear Joy Second Oh Hone Oh Hone a Rogue that do maake a great Swear against our Holy Shurch Tall. In the mean time here is some Money for you and if you do your business well the Duke will make you all Officers you shall all have Commissions Omnes By Chreesht dear Joy Saint Patricks Blessing be upon thy sweet Faash Exeunt three Evidences Tall. Things run so smoothly and with such Success Each project of our busie Brain is Crown'd That it dos half perswade me to believe That Providence has now espous'd our Cause What mayn't be hop'd from my most glorious Master Who with such ease and in so short a time Has Master'd such Strong-headed difficultys Has reconcil'd so many Contradictions That now t is next to Blasphemy to question The power of doing if he but undertake it With what dexterity did he Ingage The Lady 's to address and to procure The dissolution of the Sanhedrim A thing the Court thought no way Feasible And though some busie Factious heads are left Who yet pretend to rake the cover'd Embers Yet he is neither Ignorant or unmindfull And waits a fit Occasion to requite them He has laid his Snare and has his game in View And something more than humane skill must save them Bold Aristander Poliarchus Timon Will quickly Mourn their hasty Christian Zeal And th' anger of a just enraged Prince Their busie Scruting and bold Abhorrence Of what they call our Plot Conspiracy c. Shall be return'd with such Dexterity In their own Words upon their very selves As shall compleat and by their own Assistance All that our Wishes can suggest unto us Thus when the several Branches are cut down Under whose Shade the unthinking Crowd does Shelter Then to the Root we will our Axes lay Religion Liberty and Lives shall down Unless they 'll Truckle to the Triple Crown ACT V. Scene I. The Long Gallery at Alba Regalis Enter Remarquo stamping and tearing his Hair Rem OH Treason Treason Villains Rogues Whether shall an Honest Man fly to secure himself Hell never could match these cursed Pagans these bloody Jebusites and more bloody Caligula Enter Nobbs at the other Door N. Why how now Remarquo Thou art not afraid of me sure Remarquo sees him and flyes on one side to avoid him Rem Yes marry and good reason Stand off Sir I shall be brought in for the new Plot here presently Come Sir come I 'll have no Papers convey'd into my Pocket He covers his Pockets close No not so much as the Old Observator Look look the Villain has 'em ready in his Hand If the Rascal should Forswear himself now and say he had them from me N. Pish prithee Man never Fear Thou dost not look like a Plotter Come come I 'll Protect Thee and egad if thou art not satisfied I 'll Publish it in my Weekly Paper and then see who 'll be so bold as to contradict it But the Truth on 't is there is a horrible Plot found out carry'd on by the Whiggs to destroy far and near all that ever they could lay their hands to Oh! they are terrible Fellows I 'll warrant ye the Pagan Plot was one of theirs it was as like 'em as ever they could stare Rem Good lack Sir I thought you had taken a great deal of pains to prove there was none Your Memory fails you
and if this be not demonstration I 'le be bound to write Ballads as long as I live and there 's somthing for Observator again Cal. Such as these will do Nobbs and I would have thee be speedy and fall on first to prevent all others babbling Nobbs Nay let me be hang'd an 't please your Highness but you have hit upon my way to an hairs breadth for when there is any Matter of Consequence likely to be disputed then what do me I mark you me but espouse the Court Curse to be sure right or wrong and then do I in a bantering sort of way insinuate and introduce all the Arguments that the other side can possibly be suppos'd to bring and by ridiculing some and waving the rest egad I leave them bustling and scratching their Heads to find out new Matter for efack if they come once to Repetition whip I slave 'em like School-boys so that egad in Conclusion I 'le prove that this Sir Demophilus feloniously laid violent hands upon him-himself and no body shall dare to contradict it and so I humbly bid your Highness Farewel Cal. Farewel honest Nobbs Exit Nobbs Well Now Le Talbo we are past the worst We have shot that dangerous Gulf that threatned us Now with expanded Sails we 'le gently glide Through the calm Sea of Safety and of Pleasure In this Demophilus alone did lye Our cursed Christians Hopes and all our Fears His Virtue Age Religion Piety If e're he had fac'd the haughty Sanhedeim Had given him credit there beyond Exception His urgent Testimony without doubt Back'd with the Circumstance of Things and Persons Intriguo's Letters Pertinax his Oaths Had carry'd such a prevailing Influence Over the too inclining Sanhedrim As would have surely ruin'd us for ever But he is gone Le Tal. What then do's still remain A stop to all your glorious Resolutions Cal. None but what Time and moderate Industry Will with a kind of natural Ease wear off This my Le Talbo was necessity What common Nature did persuade me to Self-preservation all men teach and practise But now Ambition and Revenge succeeds The darling Passions of all High-born Souls And whisper to my longing listning Soul The dazeling Glories of a glittering Crown Now my great Genius crys now is the time In which Caligula thy Suffering Friends Expect thee as their Great Deliverer Why should'st thou wait the heavy tedious motion Of thy Lethargick Brother who whilst thou Tir'st out thy Active Soul with Care and Zeal To mould the Embryo's of thy deep laid Projects And warm them into Life and wish'd Perfection Supinely wanders through the ambiguous Maze Of Love and Ease and wanton Luxury Careless of Dangers yet of all afraid To bear unfit yet still creating trouble Why shouldst thou thus weigh down thy yielding shoulders Which serve to prop and hold the tottering State Whilst he drills out a dull inglorious Ease And yet shares all the Profits all the Pleasures No no Caligula this must not be This dull delay this tedious lukewarm Zeal Do's ill agree with all thy vast Designs If thou resolv'st to tast this Golden Fruit Now now 's the time to make thy fit approaches Now whilst the careless Guardian-Dragon's sleeping Le Talbo Tal. My Lord Cal. I Love my Brother I think Tal. Your Brother Sir alack good Prince so do I and every honest body a meek well-natur'd Kind as ever was known But that Cal. But what Le Talbo it seems he is not so good but thou hast an Exception for him Tal. I humbly ask yor Highness's Pardon it was ill manners in me to make an Exception Cal. What was 't Le Talbo sure thou may'st speak to me with freedom Tal. Good lack Sir I meant nothing but that as all other men he has some few small failings Cal. Nay He is not an Angel I wish to Heaven he was Tal. Good lack how my wishes jump with your Highness I have wish'd so many a time Good Prince he deserves to be one this world is not worthy of him Cal. Yet he cannot find in his heart to leave it he is in love with his Life as bad Poets are with their Verses and gives us the tedious Repetition of it every day Tal. Nay the worst thing I like in him is he won't take your Highness's good Advice Cal. He is like the Dog in the Manger that will neither eat the Hay himself nor suffer the Horse Tal. Nay now your Highness gives me leave I will speak He is neither true Pagan nor Christian but a meer Trimmer between both and foments a Division between both Parties meerly to stave off their Designs against himself Cal. He has often promis'd and as often deceiv'd me and what is worse I fear will never perform Therefore Le Talbo I have resolv'd to change my measures and take the shortest way to the accomplishment of my Designs Tal. And your Highness is much in the right I am for falling too without the formality of a long Grace I hate waiting Rem But yet some little time must be allow'd That all things may be ready for his Journey All that his easie Nature can be drawn to Must be perform'd before you let him part He must the Ground and great Foundations lay Whereon your future Buildings must be rais'd Charters and Quo Warranto's Dispensations Must be begun and entred on by him The Plot discouraged hiss'd and out of doors Or burnt from whose engendring Ashes must An Infant monstrous Phenix Plot arise Some hot bold plodding Heads too must be lopp'd For diving into your mysterious Secrets And fall thereby a weighty Sacrifice To past Resentments as to future Fears When this and more from thee Androgynes Has been obtain'd whereby will be allay'd Perhaps diverted from his guilty self The Odium which such black Miscarriages Alas will too too surely bring upon thee Then like some useless old unfashion'd Garment Thou art thrown aside despis'd unpity'd laugh'd at aside Enter Count Paulbrough running Paul Udsbud an 't please your Highness there 's more bad News ' Sountikins I sweat for fear Cal. Thou never bring'st any good I think what 's the matter now Paul Why Udsbud Intriguo is undone quite undone he has been try'd and found Guilty of a plaguy Pagan Plot in the Devils Name and the Sanhedrim have Petition'd to have him Executed off hand Cal. I did not care for all that so I had but his Tongue secure a fearful babling Dog but I have taken care to have him fitted Good Services may sometimes want regard But bad ones seldom fail of their reward Exeunt omnes ACT III. Scene III. A Prison Enter Intriguo two Jebusites Goaler Intr. NO Reprieve come 't is impossible Goal 'T is true and you have but two hours to prepare your self for Death Int. Good lack the Duke promised I should have it early and without fail First Jeb Nay nay and if he promised it you need not scruple it I wish I had a good